It takes time to develop trust for a potential sugar daddy or sugar baby, and since most here live very busy lives, more… creative means of establishing trust are often implemented.
In the absence of any public appearance following his car-crash/face-scratching incident, Tiger Woods has been marred with rumors of sugar daddy infidelity. Rachel Uchitel, 34, who’s rumored relationship with Woods reportedly sparked last Friday’s argument between him and his wife Elin Nordegren, 29, has denied that she and Woods were involved in a sugar daddy arrangement. Another supposed sugar baby of Woods – Jamie Grubbs, 24, says she’s willing to release text and voice messages that prove Woods infidelity. Yet as many here have mentioned; when it comes to gossip, it’s almost always better to ignore than to indulge. If there’s one place where those in complicated, difficult, or alternative relationships can find refuge, it should be the Sugarbowl.
Cheating and sugar aren’t synonyms, but as many here know, there is much grey area involved when it comes to those who dip into the Sugarbowl without the approval of their significant other(s). Indeed, a unique aspect of SeekingArrangement and those who use the site is an understanding and appreciation for the individual circumstances that are the driving force behind any arrangement.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Tags: jamie grubbs sugar baby, tiger woods gold digger, tiger woods sugar baby rachel uchitel, tiger woods sugar daddy
i have literally not one thing to add to the first and third blog question. i cheated on someone once: i was 18 and not sleeping with him (nor did i ever) and i slept with someone else. i was the other woman once (that i know of) without knowing it.
that said, i met a man once and was heard do say “man oh man, i didn’t think i was that kind of girl but if that man wanted to put me in a condo and keep me as his mistress i’d say yes in a heartbeat” which was when i realized that some men you will take any way you can get.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
in a good friends with benefits situation you tell each other everything you do sexually. not details and not necessarily with whom unless it’s relevant. you trust each other because you don’t have to hide things from each other and you decide together if the relationship is open or not and if you use protection or not.
(use protection!)
if i find out you lied to me about who you are having sex with it’s a full on deal breaker unless we fully agreed in advance to being open and not disclose… and then of course USE PROTECTION!
.
TXSB: aren’t you tired of being told “you’re a catch” and yet getting thrown back?
enough with the catch and release.
Evening sugars! My turn to be first on the blog!
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know? I am not currently seeing anyone.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not? I think I would rather know. It allows me to decide if I feel right in moving forward. Obviously the potential sd/sb who is on the site, but in a relationship has already expressed their willingness/ability to have a sugar relationship.
Is feeling ‘cheated on’ less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not? If I were in a sugar relationship, I would hope my SD would honor the code of the sugar world and disclose if he was interested in pursuing another sugar or gf. Honesty is one of the greatest advantages of being in the sugar world!
Bah- Cleo is showing her competitive side
miss midwest i had an unfair advantage, i emailed Stephan to tell him the comments were broken and he said “they’re fixed as of now” so, you know, i am one who loves an excuse to share her opinion…
I vote you both get 1st posters awards
I see how you are
BTW – Don’t sweat the “catch and release” guys. They are doing you a favor by releasing so you don’t waste anymore time with them. Time to take that brilliant mind and allow yourself the confidence to not give it a second thought, move on, and know the right guy will come along. Unfortunately, he doesn’t come along when we want but he will and it will be superfantabulous!
Good Evening Sweet Sugar Fam!
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
No, I am not married and I am not seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
I would like to know. I think every arrangement comes with its own set of concerns to begin with and it’s important to know what you are getting into.
Have you ever been cheated on? Is being ‘cheated on’ less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Yes, I have been cheated on in a relationship before. I don’t think there is less of a risk here. However, I would appreciate a pot SD being honest with me if he intends to pursue another SB.
Awesome
Woo Hoo!!!
Hi Stephan!
LOL…you can tell what kind of day I have had
my intentions were to place the questions in bold…grrrr
The blog is back!
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Well, I would prefer to know what the relationship status of my sugar is. If he is truthful about that and is up front, it establishes trust which is an important part of a SD/SB relationship or any relationship for that matter.
I’m going to say good night
Hi Midwest!
Thanks Anna & Rudy for your answers as well!
I feel cheated – to some degree – whenever the ‘mutually beneficial’ aspect of the relationship isn’t reciprocated… I suppose I don’t feel truly ‘cheated’ however unless it’s a conscious, blatant example of that tho, since people break the terms of relationships without knowing they’re doing so all the time – much of the time those terms aren’t spelled out for whatever reason.
Rudy – Hi! BTW-that cheering was for Stephan.
I didn’t answer the third question correctly…I have been cheated on. I would have to guess that most people have been cheated on at least once in their life (whether they know it or not).
I’ve always asked myself is it unnatural for humans to have one partner for a lifetime. Big question, I know. We respect and admire those who have been together for their entire adult lives, but at what cost? Now that women are more independent and outnumber men 10:1, I think the truth is starting to reveal itself. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that someday I find someone to grow old with, but it’s not what I want anytime soon. On that note, I guess I could go so far as to ask should it become normal and unhidden for people to see the conpany of others while in a relatioship? Only posing questions…don’t bash me!
midwest i’m not upset by the catch and release i just wouldn’t mind if i met someone i could keep for a while… or be kept by *snicker*
Stephan: Hi and thank you:) I agree…if there were terms discussed upfront and they have been violated, then I feel cheated. However, on a site like this one should not be surprised if it happens. Personally, I would prefer to be with one SD.
Midwest: Hi! no worries
Cleo: Hello:)
Good Night Anna!
Stephan – Could be a potential blog topic – how do you negotiate the agreement? I noticed a new blogger from the last blog was asking those very questions.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
No, I am not married nor am I currently seeing anyone.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
I do prefer to know. Not only for intimacy reasons, but also so that I am aware of what I may getting into. Honesty plays a large roll in trusting someone. If he flat out lies to me and tells me he is not single or seeing anyone else and I discover later that he infact is, I will loose much trust and will most likely be a deal breaker. I can handle the truth better than lies.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Again, honesty is very important. I realize that with a long distance relationship the SD may be more inclined to also have a local SB, just as I may be more inclined to also have someone local. The key is being open and honest about your feelings, concerns/wants/needs. This is important in any relationship…sugar or not.
stephan it’s funny, i think that’s the kind of cheated i feel in any relationship. when it feels like it’s all take take take with no give.
course, that’s when they end isn’t it?
.
oh, and (to my knowledge) i may have been cheated on once.
in high school and i wasn’t having sex with him (hence the cheating)
To add to that… I didn’t not intend to say that I want two SDs, I would actually prefer to have just one. But unfortunately my local does not seem to have many available SDs so I have became open to something long distance.
PG – I have come to the conclusion that mine will likely be a ldr too. I’m actually ok with that as it allows for travel and I love the anticipation that comes before a reunion. Even if it’s only been a week or less
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? … Do they know? Yes and no.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not? Of course I want to know, and if he’s in a relationship/married, I want an honest explanation of why he’s looking elsewhere; I’ll explain my reasons/motivations as well. It’s a matter of being clear up front on reality and expectations. Second point: Condoms do NOT protect against all STDs. If a man wants to have multiple sex partners, with or without condoms, that’s his decision – but it’s MY decision whether or not I want to risk picking up something from one of his 10 girlfriends that his condom didn’t prevent.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not? I think the men in the Sugar Bowl represent the same spectrum of men you’ll find anywhere else: cheaters, non-cheaters, good guys, bad guys, liars, con men, amazingly wonderful men who give their word and mean it. Some men are going to cheat no matter who they’re with, and some men won’t cheat ever for any reason. So IMO, it’s no more or no less likely in the Sugar Bowl than without.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
I’m married and I joined SA after having been married five or six years. She does not know that I am on SA. I don’t see the purpose of telling her. Plus, having an SB is the best thing for my marriage, as I tend to put up with so much more crap from my wife when I know I am cheating on her.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
I suppose I would want to know if she is in a serious relationship/marriage. But a number of SBs I have met are in pseudo-marriages, or married but totally separated and pending legal divorce. In such cases, I’d just rather be told she’s not married, because it does bother me somewhat to be with a married woman, even if the marriage is purely technical. I know, hypocrisy.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Interesting question. Basically, I am not too worried per se, because finding an SD is difficult enough that I no longer fear that an SB will leave me for another SD or that she would have multiple SDs. In my experience, if the SB is in her low 20’s, she is typically not looking for a serious relationship and is happy with just an SD, but by the late 20s when the biological clock starts ticking, then I figure that the SB would be foolish not to look for someone else who can offer them a more long-term relationship. But in reality, if she were to find someone who is right for her, I’d rather step aside than ruin things.
Midwest SB says:
PG – I have come to the conclusion that mine will likely be a ldr too. I’m actually ok with that as it allows for travel and I love the anticipation that comes before a reunion. Even if it’s only been a week or less
I completely agree with you about the anticipation. But a few hours vs a few states may limit the time even more… unfortunately.
That leads me to ask… those of you who have had LDRs (different states) how often were you able to see each other?
Photogirl, I had a LDR about 10 years ago, 1100 air miles between us. I flew out there 3 times in 9 months to see him. Relationship ended, then 2 years later he came back. Saw him 3 times in the next 21 months, all 3 times when he came here on business. This particular man had the wrong personality to be involved long distance. Right now I don’t have the freedom or flexibility to travel much, so I prefer someone local. Juggling schedules is much easier when we don’t also have to worry about airline schedules/tickets.
Goodnight sugars!
Hi,
I guess since I am honest with potential SB & SB, I expect them to be honest too. Seems fair to me anyways. I do promise discretion and expect same.
I search for people with integrity anyways. So far, so good…
Cheers
Michael
Hi Everyone!
Just got back from dinner a little while ago. Very grateful for the new blog Stephan. Thank you.
Catching up on new blog and e-mails.
Hi TX!
Midwest are you there?
You’re visible, TX.
I’m fading fast. G’night, all.
I have been lurking on this blog for some time and then this blog topic aroused my interest. I have been seeing my SB for three months now and I have started cheating on her recently, seeing a new SB. I have not slept with the new SB yet, but things are working out with her. Although I like SB#1, I guess there is a bit of excitement with the new SB. In theory I can afford both SBs, but I’d rather stick to one. My concern is that my SB is rather emotionally attached to me, even though I am married and it is supposed to be an NSA relationship, so how do I approach this subject with her?
Hi Dee, Yaz, Cheating_sb, Michael and whoever else is on.
Sorry for the “test” posts…..I wrote a post answer the blog q’s but for some reason it won’t post.
TXSB
Your posts appear just fine.
Hi TX
! I checked the ‘pending approval’ comments and I swear I didn’t see your answer post their… did you by any chance save it?
you have mail
Yaz -
Hi!
Yes I see the one’s that’re appearing. I wrote a post where I answered the blog q’s….when I try to post that, and hit “submit comment”, the page refreshes but that post doesn’t show up. It’s not in “moderation” either….it just dissappears. But all other posts are showing up. Oh well…..I guess you guys won’t know my answers to the blog q’s! 
Stephan:
I’m about to go log into e-mail.
Dee – 3 times in 9 months and especially 3 times in 21 months is just not enough for me. I would prefer atleast once a month…minimum. May I ask, were you seeing someone else during this time?
I do have the flexibility as I am self employed… just not sure at this point how much with an out of state SD. I was seeing someone who was about 3-4 hours away and I was driving to see him once a week. That became difficult as he was never willing drive here.
I am currently married, and not in an additional relationship outside the Sugarbowl or anywhere else, although I have been in the past. Finding out about SA is a recent occurance, and I have not contacted any POTSB’s as of yet although I have marked a few favs.
Married or not? I would want to know, but I don’t think it would make a difference in my decision if I hit it off with the person and wanted to persue an SB/SD relationship. I think if they are here on the site, and understand the special dynamics of these types of relationships, then whatever else is going on in their life is ok. I don’t understand some of the SB’s on this site looking for an LTR out of an SD. Wrong site! I mean, the SB/SD thing could go on a long time, but I think hoping it is going to end up in a marriage proposal is barking up the wrong tree. Ladies, am I wrong?
Cheating: Anyone can be “cheated on” at any time. I personally would want to discuss everything with my SB, and have an understanding that worked for both of us so that there aren’t ever hurt feelings or a perception of being “cheated on”, ect… If you are honest with your SB/SD, those things are less likely to occur. Anyone else in SOCAL?
Cheating_SD:
Out of curiosty, you were with your 1st SB and were seeing her for several months. What made you even search for a 2nd SB? Were you unhappy with the 1st one?
snbsd – Welcome
I cannot speak for other SBs but LTR to me means more than a few months. I am in no way looking for a marriage proposal. Been there done that. Now if the SD is single, if things were to move in that direction I would not be opposed to it, but it is not what I am seeking out of this.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
My SD is married and I knew that when I contacted him. Yes I would like to know if my SD is married or not b/c that would let me know the “limits” to my “arrangement” with him.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Well, my SD is married so I already know of her being in his life.
As for him having other SBs, he has assured me that he is happy with me and not looking for other SBs. Knowing his personality, he would definately let me know if he wasn’t happy with me or wanted a 2nd SB. That being said…I currently see my SD 4-5x every week. As long as my SD keeps up with our current “schedule”….then between me, his family, and his work, he simply doesn’t have the time (or energy!) for a 2nd SB even *IF* he wanted one.
Umm….ok….LOL…..the post above answering the blog questions, that’s what I tried to post earlier it wasn’t showing up. I tried posting it like 3-4x so IF this post just randomly appears multiple times….SORRY everyone!!!
Texas -
4 or 5X a week? I am suprised someone married can get away that often. Have you been seeing him a long time?
snbsd:
As a SB, I was searching for a LTR sugar relationship. I wasn’t looking for a SD for only wanted a SB for a few weeks or a month or 2. I was looking for a SD who wanted a long term arrangement….as in if things work out between us, the “arrangement” could go on for several months…upto a year….maybe even more.
As for marriage, since my SD is already married….lol….I don’t expect him to leave his family for me. BUT if I were with a single SD and *IF* the feelings were mutual where BOTH of us wanted it to become a BF/GF situation possibly leading to marriage someday….that’s not something I would be opposed to.
YAY blog is back!
Hi all, nice to see you!
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
Do not have a sugar as of now, but I did once and joined the site after!
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
I do want to know if they are married or not, I like for things to be as honest as possible.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
With my last SD, I didn’t feel cheated on but cheated out of time with him..
Beach_girl:
Hi!
———————————————–
snbsd:
LOL…..yep. While I do understand this frequency is very unusual in sugar relationships, my SD and I are both happy with it. We’ve been together 2 months…..if you go a few posts above, you’ll see one by “RealisticSD”. That’s my SD.
Hi Stephan~ Nice to see you here, hope you had a great holiday weekend! and thank you for getting the new blog up
sdnsd~ welcome!
Michael SD~ welcome
Cheating_SD~ welcome
nice to see SDs here on the blog
Hi photo, TXSB, midwest, rudy and everyone else!
did I scare everyone away???
LOL….I’m still here…..catching up on e-mail while checking here every few minutes.
So Texas,
Being new to SA, how many SB/SD relationships reach more than a few months? Half? Fewer? Most? I would think that a year would be normal (at least). Ending the relationship at a month or so seems like you are using the situation. (Maybe that is the case for some?) Not what I had in mind.
Hey Beach – Girl,
Someone is here!
Hi sndsd~ I have not had a SD from SA yet,… but I think it’s location for me. I would like to have a LTR though… I think it depends on everyone , some have had SB/SD relationships for a few months to years i think..
Hey TXSB~ thought I was all alone, I finally get here…
Michael SD: i do that in life and love actually. i attempt to surround myself with excellent (and smart) people i would trust to mind a child or a valuable object. that way you feel good about the people in your life and do your best to live up to them and everybody helps everybody…
snbsd:
I’m also new to sugar dating. This is my 1st arrangement. I’m single and the only way I would “end things” with my SD is if/when I find a serious BF (ie. a relationship that I believe could lead to marriage) OR if I had to relocate out of town. So assuming neither one of those situations take place in my life anytime soon….and assuming my SD continues to be happy with me….then our arrangement has the *potential* to last a year or maybe even more.
Although I have heard other bloggers here mention they have had sugar relationships that lasted upto 2 years……perhaps some of the more “experienced” SDs/SBs will share their experiences on this.
snbsd: what’s snb? i feel like it should be obvious
Michael SD:
I agree with your approach. In order for any relationship to be successful, there has to be mutual honesly, respect, and willing to compromise.
I do agree that A sugar relationship is for me anyways, friends with benefits. It has to be! or else
snbsd~ they say here on the site there are 10 SBs for every SD, so your search will be good…There are lots of pro’s though, from what some of the other SDs have said….
as for searching for a SD , it’s hard. A lot of competition!
Wow – very interesting blog tonight!! Finally got caught up
Too tired to comment on anything really…
Midwest – I really like your idea for a blog topic!!!!!
Good Morning everyone
Hello to all the new SD’s
Welcome to the blog
Good morning AM how are you today?
Good Morning.
Anna: You beat me! I slept in today.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know? Single, not seeing anyone.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not? Yes I would want to know. First I am single and if the SB was married I would want to know so I could decide did I want to be the “other” man. I am looking for an SB that I can take out to dinner, events, etc. and a married woman may not fit that. Same for a single SB, does she have a BF? If we run into family, friends, coworkers I need to know the situation.
For me sugars are all about honesty and mutual benefit. If those disappear what am I doing here?
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not? Nope, can feel just as cheated. This isn’t just a financial arrangement, that is something else. The second part of a sugar relationship is relationship. Don’t have an SB but I want a one to one ration: one SB to one SD.
Morning SDN!
Mornin’ Tru
Mornin’ SDN
snbsd says: Anyone else in SOCAL?
I’m from the Albany, NY area
Morning, well afternoon to you Tru!
Where did everybody go?
I am here Anna, sorry catching up on emails. So do I have you alone finally?
I think you do
Sweeeetttt…we will have to keep this rendezvous just between us OK?
Don’t worry, I will be very discreet and keep this between us
LOL…dittos, don’t want anyone to know about us. So you still have that chocolate, whipped cream and cherrys?
lol…I carry my sugary sweets with me at all times, just in case….
Glad to see a new blog. It was impossible to follow and catch up on the old one.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
I’m unhappily married and not seeing anyone outside of sugarbowl. I suppose she knows as I am away a lot and we have not been intimate for almost a decade. On plus side, we remain together and I think our kids have a better quality of life.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Yes, I prefer to know although I have unknowingly dated some SB who are technically married but not living with their spouse. I don’t see married SB who are still with her spouse for the reasons that schedules are harder to co-ordinate and we would need to be discreet.
All my single SB did not have another relationship on the side; however I would prefer to know if they are seeing someone … for the reasons of safety and discretion. I would hate to be stalked by a jealous bf or be exposed to STD. I have to add that I dislike discreet relationships as I value spontaneity, PDA, holding hands and other signs of affection.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
For context, my definition of cheating is being intimate with someone outside your committed relationship. Despite the fact that I am technologically cheating on my spouse, I am only intimate with women (singular?) I intend to be involved with on a longer term SB basis. Although I currently involved with a (soon to be ex) SB, I am dating but not intimate with others … I may be a hypocrite but I do not consider that to be cheating.
Temptation is very strong in sugarbowl and I have turned down several “test drives.” That may change in the future as one of the pot SB ask if she could pursue a bf relationship on the side. My response was I would consider it provided she told me, practiced safe sex and would permit me to see another SB … so that’s another step closer to purgatory … crossing the moral bridge of “technically” cheating on a SB.
At the risk of sounding cliche-ish, there’s always someone more attractive and sexy available. I was tempted IRL by a stunning waitress several months ago and often at the office with friends of co-workers. I prefer sugarbowl as conventional relationships with mistresses can be full of drama.
photogirl says: That leads me to ask… those of you who have had LDRs (different states) how often were you able to see each other?
I was involved with SB in Montreal several years ago and we saw each other once a week for usually 2 days at a one. We would take turns flying to see each other but the time, distance took its toll on us (not to mention the additional expenses).
hello hello! how is everyone today?
Good morning all! Very long day coming up that includes travel.
Hi TXSB! I think I forgot to say that yesterday
I am married and currently sugarless. I prefer to know the marital status of my SB. I don’t think I can feel cheated on because I am already married. Not really fair for me to have exclusivity. Plus, this is NSA (and I don’t mean no sex at all)
Also PG — to answer your question. ALL of my sugar relationships have been long distance. We saw each other on average about once every 4 to 6 weeks, but usually for 2-3 days at a time.
Hi Sincere
Hi NapaSB
*** said in a stage whisper *** Anna: we will have to continue this later. Keep the sweets ready! Remember know one can know about us!
*** normal voice ***
Morning NapaSB, NC Gent, SincereSD. No you weren’t interrupting any thing. Glad you are here.
Hi Anna, Good Morning SDN (your secret is safe with me)!! And good evening to anyone that is hanging out in Japan with me tonight…
and on a little bit of a freaky note…. I picked up my drycleaning last night and the young lady who helped me has a profile on SA. It took me about 30 seconds to remember where I had seen her. Then it dawned on me — and no I have never sent her a message — too funny!
Good morning Napa, Sincere, Anna, and SDN!
TexaSD – if you read through this, I dont have your email but I DO have some pictures for you
no cute asian attendants though…
Hi NC!!
NC, that is too weird.
Good morning to you too
haha ok, so I now have about 8 people hanging out in my hotel room with me…a little bit of adrenaline going on
NC Gent: That is exactly why I would want full disclosure with an SB. Never know where/when you will run into them. I work in sales and go into different business everyday, take customers to lunch/dinner and wouldn’t want to be surprised.
NapaSB: Thanks you are the best.
SDN – you are too kind
sigh, alright now it is just getting crowded and I am being rude…off to the redlight district in Tokyo…ya’ll have a good night
Good morning NC, Anna, SDN, Napa and others.
NC, check out the Palm Pre if you have problems with the other phones. Blackberry has it’s issues with internet browsing and the Storm is not ready for primetime yet.
Have fun Napa
Thanks Sincere — still haven’t bought — I hated the keyboard on the Droid — the Storm was a little better. I am thinking about the Tour but will check out the Palm Pre. I need international coverage because of my travels so that limits my phones — excludes the Droid I found out yesterday!
TXSB, I guess thrill-seeking is the reason I met another SB. But I think I will break it off with this new SB due to factors other than my original SB. But now that I’ve cheated, it’s hard to take my original SB as seriously.
Details – Maybe to a fault, but I share my personal status right away. I want someone to know I am married, have kids, etc. Make sure she knows what she is getting into. From her side of things, I would hope she volunteers information she is comfortable sharing. But if she doesn’t, I will ask. If she has a bf, I don’t want to get beat up, shot, or worse if he is the jealous type.
I’ve been reading reviews about the Palm Pre and I wasn’t sure about it. I’m looking for something that will keep me more organized, but I’m not sure if I can be more organized…lol. Maybe I’m just looking for a way to make staying organized more fun..lol.
There is a place for everything and everything in it’s place
Cheating_SD — I think that is why a lot of sugar relationships only last a few months because one or both parties likes the thrill of the chase and the adrenaline rush of discovering someone new. The downside to that is it takes a lot of time and/or stress to find the right one. When I find a good one, I tend to hang on. I completely understand your situation though
Hi SG2!! Haven’t seen you in a while
Cheating_SD ~ Hi
Hi there Anna Molly. A bit under the weather the last couple of days, but I have been lurking a bit, though the last blog thread was so long I saw no reason to post.
SG2 ~ I hope you’re feeling better. Yes, the last blog was long. I was having trouble getting it to refresh and what not.
NapaSB: where exactly in Napa? I have a place on the Sonoma Coast
and was just there over T-giving. I think my favorite town in Napa is
Yountville, lots of great restos there. Bistro Jeanty, Bouchon, Redd.
Of course French Laundry but never been . . . Do you find there are
many SDs in that neck of the woods, I would think a lot of ex-dot
commers and retired vintners who got out while the getting was good .
. . Might be one area of the country where the numbers actually favor
the SBs ? . . .
To answer the topic questions: (1) not married, not seeing anyone outside of SA. (2) I desire “exclusive” SA arrangements meaning we are each the only SB/SD for each other. If I had a GF IRL I would tell her. I would expect to know if she had a second SD (and this would probably end the arrangement). If she had an age-appropriate BF on the side not sure I would want to know, in that situation what I didn’t know might not hurt me and if I did know it might lessen my enthusiasm, but havent really encountered it yet. (3) wouldn’t feel good about being cheated on, obviously, but somehow the evanescent nature of the SA arrangement would make it a little less traumatic to take. Easier to say “NEXT”!
Good morning AM, SG2, NC Gent, CheatingSD, Napa SB.
I will learn how to bold my text one of these days so for that fact il just give a mixed answer to all 3 QS!
I am currently single. I would prefere to know whether my SD is in a realtionship or not, i think its importnat to know your boundaries, limitations and staus before finding out the hard way. I dont see what there is to be gained from lying.
I definitly think there is a lesser risk of feeling cheated on in sugarland. (Although do ask me again in a few months time! but for now im sticking to my 1st answer) From what i have read many of the SBs that are here have felt cheated on; or cheated out of time, energy and expense in former relationships including myself. Getting back into the style of dating is not something im looking for right now. SO being in a relationshiip that is clearly defined from the beginning with terms and conditions is freshly different instead of crawling around in the dark only for it come crashing down around you in a few months or years time.
That is only a newbie perspective though.
Irish!! You are here…missed you.
Freshly different? Refreshingly different i meant!
Hi Irish
Hey SDN – Thanks! My computer was having none of the refreshing lark yesterday so study over the blog!
Heya Anna Molly – theres still a few left of ye!
Hey IrishSB I feel like I keep missing you, how have you been?
SDN – You have mail!
NYGent – Hello, I dont know that we have ever “officially met” but I have definitely stalked your comments on the blog…I do not live in Napa, but rather in Fairfield…so about 30 minutes outside….I love St Helena and actual Napa…I saw that you were in Sonoma but I tend to be a tad shy so I didnt say anything next time you are int he srea though I would love to show you some of my favorite vineyards in that area…I spend a lot of time in Napa and the surrounding areas so I think I might be able to show you some places you havent been too…or just havent gotten around to.
p.s. Tokyo is having a down day I think…but I suppose it is a Wednesday
Hey Tru! Yeh im usually on same time as you i was just experiencing a fe technical problems!
….i feel like everytime I post anything on here everyone decides to take 10 minutes off…you know, just enough time for me to feel like I have said something extra ridiculous
Cheating SD – hmmm been in your situation on the opposite side of the spectrum of course. My gift SD (whom I met in real life) and I have been seeing each other for a while… I was aware of his feelings for me but always held back in reciprocating in fear of him thinking im too emotionally attached. However, once he told me he loved me (he is married) I felt it was appropriate to become more open emotionally with him… Then I caught him on SA talking to one of my SB friends. Now this would not bother me had he said that he wanted someone else. The dishonesty though erased any and all feeling I had for him. It diminished the meaning of his word and I started doubting everything he has ever said to me. (getting off track I know)
My advice to you is telling your first SB about your concerns… chances are she is more attached to the lifestyle (especially if she has never had it before) than you… sorry harsh but true… it is easy to “fall in love” in a sugar relationship as each time you see your sugar you are exposed to the best side of them… but again chances are you fall in love with the lifestyle rather than the person.
snbsd – I know you directed your question to TX but I want to give you a perspective as well… I have had several SD most of which have lasted in the 3-4 month range… anything longer than that (in my opinion) exposes you to “feelings” and as most men are married on the site they are trying to avoid this from both sides (see cheating SDs post)… on the other hand… maybe I get boring after 3-4 months lol … or just maybe once a man gets a taste of the sugar bowl they wanna go and chase some more… it is inherent in their nature after all
Good morning sugar fam… worke up not feeling under the weather… yay me!
like the new topic… kuddos stephan
Irish SB says: I definitly think there is a lesser risk of feeling cheated on in sugarland.
I think there is less likelyhood a SB will cheat but it’s more likely for a SD. The temptation is high due to the number of available SB. I’m getting to the point where I’m tolerating less drama or crap from a SB … and ready to hit the eject (reject?) button much earlier.
Fwiw, I have been warned by previous SB not to be too chummy with their friends. I guess they’ve had bad experiences with backstabbing friends and unfaithful bf/sd.
NC Gent says: I need international coverage because of my travels so that limits my phones — excludes the Droid I found out yesterday!
You must be with Verizon, Sprint or some CDMA carrier so you will need a world phone with 3G capabilities. There should be Droids with both but you should research and try the phones. I prefer the bold but web browsing sucks.
Good morning, everybody, and a special hello to the new SDs here today!
It would take exceptional circumstances, and an exceptional man, to get me into another LDR right now.
Hey NYCsb-
Sorry to read about your SD with the wandering eye. Did you confront him or keep the info to yourself? Did your SB friend pursue anything with him? Just curious if you care to share
SincereSD, you’re absolutely right. It’s just hard to see absolutely beautiful SBs on the site and not want to give them a try too. There is just too much temptation. Plus, if I am cheating on my wife and not telling her, can my SB realistically expect me not to cheat on her or to tell her?
How the heck to all these SDs have so much free time, especially for multiple SBs? Between work and the blog I don’t have any free time…wait, the blog…light going off.
Hey: Photogril, cakepatty, Just Dee, NYC SB
Hi NYC SB, Dee, NYGent, and cakepatty….hope I didn’t forget anybody
NapaSB: not ridiculous! my fave smaller wineries in Sonoma are Gary Farrell, Lambert Bridge, Hop Kiln.
NYC SB: you caught him blogging or emailing a profile? Sometimes the cross-currents on the blog get a little tricky . . .
Cheating_SD~ I know what you mean but I , as a SB, expect to know. The potential for disease and such. I think being in a mutual beneficial relationship is to be as open and honest as possible.
Friends with benefits type. Some SDs don’t want a exclusive relationship.
But look at it this way, if your SB was seeing another SD, would you like to know?
Sincere~ How have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while!
Hi everyone , off to work, Chat soon
SincereSD said: … and ready to hit the eject (reject?) button much earlier.
ROFLMAO! I love the mental image that brings up! I understand what you’re saying, though. A lot of the drama in relationships is created because one person doesn’t know how to communicate honestly with their partner, so they create the drama in order to manipulate the partner into whatever outcome it is they want. It’s exhausting for all concerned. I don’t have the energy to deal with extra drama from someone who is “extra” in my life to begin with – if I’m going to have someone in my life, I want them to get me away from drama and stress.
cakepatty – i did confront him… wish i didnt… caused all sorts of drama … he kept on appologizing and showing up at my place unannounced with flowers, candy and shoes…
Ny Gent – he emailed an SB friend of mine…
cheating – valid point… one which i have learned… a cheating man is a cheating man… and if he is doing it to his wife then whats stopping him from doing it to someone he just met… now there are exceptions to this (aka blog SDs)
Good morning NC Gent, Sincere SD, Dee, Anna, Irish, Beach_girl, NYGent, Cheating_SD, Cakepatty, NapaSB, and anyone else I’m missing.
Had a long night….barely slept. Catching up on blog/e-mails now.
Why didn’t you sleep, TX?
Just Dee you’re so right: “A lot of the drama in relationships is created because one person doesn’t know how to communicate honestly with their partner, so they create the drama in order to manipulate the partner into whatever outcome it is they want.” I have done that before because it’s easier than just saying, “I don’t want you any more.”
NC Gent:
Re: The dry cleaning lady….heh….just another reminder that it’s a small world.
—————————————————————
SincereSD:
I totally understand what your previous was feeling. I’ve been backstabbed before by female “friends” when it comes to men I’m dating..(in fact, one was my best friend at one point. Thanks to all those experiences, these days I don’t even have any close female friends IRL. As much as I want “girlfriends” to hang out with….the mere thought of being backstabbed for the 3rd time is terrifying…and keeps me from getting too close.
——————————————————————–
Cheating_SD:
My SD is married and I’m quite attached to him after being with him for 2 months. However, if for some reason he felt like I wasn’t “the one” for him, then I would hope he would just sit down with me in private and tell me directly. Yes it would hurt me. As much as I love being spoiled by SD, believe it or not I actually am attached to spending time with him as a person. Despite the initial shock and hurt though, with time I will “heal” and move on.
IMO it’s not different than IRL relationship where girls get their heart broken. It’s not the end of the world. The “hurt” eventually lessens as time passes.
So, Tiger woods has issued a statment saying “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.”
Yeah, he regrets getting caught.
NYGent –
you just made me MORE excited to show you MY favorites….haha what does that say about me? if you are even here…
Unfortunately, Cheating_SD, that’s the type of behavior that p*sses off a woman and convinces her to drop in on your wife with photos and emails and text messages. It’s far better to get a handle on honest communication. And on the flip side of that is this: Don’t get involved with a woman who has already demonstrated that she’s a manipulative drama queen.
TXSB – I only have guy friends as well… its better that way… plus they dont need to “borrow” my shoes lol
Also, yes I hear you on “communication” I wish my gift SD would have had the courtesy of saying “hey I dont want this anymore” rather than me finding out through another SB… I think the “betrayal” hurt more than if he would have done the right thing and broken up with me
Good morning TXSB!! how are you you this morning love?
Dee:
Just random stuff….plus I went out last night to dinner and it was cold outside (around 50)…and I think now I’m sick.
On a side note, I’m trying to schedule times with my personal trainer after not seeing him for 1.5 week (he’s injured his foot)….and he’s flirting with me over the texts right now! Gah! GRRR!
TXSB – look for a CrossFit in your area…..I LOVE it!!
NYC SB:
Yep…same here. My “close friends” these days are all men. LOL @ shoe comment.
You’re so right, Anna Molly – he’s sorry he got caught, and he’s sorry that he could end up losing 50% of everything he has now and that much or more of everything he makes for the next 18 years.
And hey Y-chromosome people – he married a MODEL, and he’s cheating on her with other actresses and models. Wow, if looks were as important as so many men claim them to be, wouldn’t you think he would have been more than happy to keep it home?
And a big raspberry to Tiger, his wife, his girlfriends, his buddies, his publicists, and everybody else who allowed him to think that he was too famous to be held accountable for his actions.
NapaSB:
Hey! Hmm….I will look it up….I don’t remember hearing about it before. Thanks!
Morning everyone!
TXSB and NYCsb-
I have lots of guy friends as well but I think that by not having close girlfriends you are missing out on so much. I have had most of my good girlfriends for at least 10 years. These women are like sisters to me and have my back and vice versa. I know the type of women you are talking about and I avoid them like the plague. Can spot them a mile away.
You can usually tell right away, they tend to be very competitive about things and will not hesitate to compete with you for a man you are interested in. In which case you should distance yourself from them. But I can’t imagine any of the SBs on this blog being anything but wonderful girlfriends.
I will admit though that most of my good girlfriends are attractive but not drop dead gorgeous. I am not sure if I could trust a boyfriend or SD around someone like that. The temptation is too great.
But let’s face it, especially when it comes to pretty young women, men are like kids in a candy store. Hard for them to choose and if they can afford lots of candy most will go for it. I think as SBs we just have to be prepared for that fact and it’s part of being in a NSA. Not to get too attached or jealous and assume they are seeing other people unless they assure you somehow they are not.
And yes, I agree, if they lie to their wife most likely they will lie to you as well or find ways to justify the cheating in their own mind.
Like Realistic said “Plus, having an SB is the best thing for my marriage, as I tend to put up with so much more crap from my wife when I know I am cheating on her.”
That statement concerns me but out of respect I will keep my opinions to myself on this one.
NC ~ Maybe you should check out the HTC Touch Pro2. It received good reviews and it’s an international smartphone. Just a thought
I wish some of the SD’s that have looked at my profile would come out of hiding. I don’t have a ton of views, but only 1/3 are showing up when I check to see who viewed me….it’s driving me nuts..lol.
They’re repeat views, Anna. Even someone with a hidden profile shows up in your “See who’s viewed me” search. But someone who views you more than once only shows up that first time.
I don’t have many views either, and almost half are repeats.
BTW, I found a real interesting profile of an SD in Albany.
Cakepatty, you don’t need to hold back out of respect for me.
In my experience, there are a lot of SBs who have only male friends. I think part of it goes along with the thought that the SB thinks she is hottest thing on earth and all women hate to be around her out of envy. I have had several SBs say that pretty much in those exact words.
Realistic:
How are you feeling this morning?
Hi!!!!
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
- No, I’m completely single.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
- I don’t mind if the potential SM in my case being in a relationship, but I would prefer to know about it, to know what I’m dealing with.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
- I feel that if it’s an arrangement, the SD/SM is allowed to pursue other options meanwhile:)
Good morning TXSB. A little better–it comes and goes. I guess I got you sick too
Hi Eric & Cakepatty!
——————————————————
Realistic:
I went out last night to dinner and it was COLD. I think that’s what did it. I feel a little stuffy and throat is a little sore. You don’t need to change anything that you did….
Realistic-
I am sure that is true and that they feel that way but that sort of ego does not just come out of nowhere. More than likely men turn to mush around gorgeous women like that and act like idiots. They are used to getting whatever their little hearts desire and can treat men and women like crap if they want because there will always be another guy willing to put up with them.
I am considered very attractive but not so attractive that I intimidate other women. I prefer that. It takes a very secure woman to be around someone that attractive without being jealous just because of all the attention they get
Hmmm, Dee that kinda sucks and a little creepy at the same time..lol. I’m trying to stay away from SD’s in my area. I would prefer a SD in OH, NC, TX and NYC or even SOCAL as long as they travel to the city
Eric_the_Viking ~ Long time, no see
Hi TXSB & AM
it’s been a while.. lots to do heh
How are u guys?:)
Realistic – The reason why I have mostly male friends is not bc i think im too hot so other women envy me but simply bc guys are easier to deal with… most of the time they dont have drama over things… they give good advice from a male perspective which is helpful when dealing with guy problems… and they dont have to have an hour long conversation about where we are going out that night … oh and they dont take an hour to get ready to go out or are chronically late …
Eric – how is the SM search going? most guys that chimed in on the blog were highly discouraged
Hi everyone!
NYC SB~ hi , how was the trip?
NYC SB, honestly not great, but I’m not expecting miracles
and also, I’m pretty picky and expensive lol
Dee ~ The AND between TX and NYC should be changed to an OR. I can’t handle nor do I want more than one SD. I want to make sure my SD has all of his needs and wants taken care of the right way
Anna: Did you say OH? I don’t visit the city that often
damn always a catch.
SDN ~ I’m sure we could work something out
Hey NYG, NYSB, Dee, Patty, TXSB, BG and others,
NYSB – sorry to hear about your SD; you two sounded like the perfect sugar couple.
Patty – be careful about casting moral judgements and generalization wrt all SD. While this may not justify cheating, my decision to stray did not come easily.
If you read the previous blogs, NYG, RSD and myself put up with a lot of crap from our former SB. However, we are probably not representative of most SD on the site.
Maybe I’m getting defensive but I would say your comments apply equally to SB who are married or have multiple SD. Anyways rant off … My thumbs are sore and my kettle is still black!
See, Anna, there you go, charming another one.
Eric~ It is hard even for us looking for SDs.
Sincere~ you said you had a SB here in MTL, may I ask how long it lasted?
I know it was probably costly to have a SB far away, but don’t you come here for work?
Just wondering, since SDs here don’t seem to get it!
Anna: Be careful I might just start filling your mail box :0
SDN:
Wow…just wow. *back to my “good girl” corner*
SincereSD: While this may not justify cheating, my decision to stray did not come easily.
Boy howdy, is that ever 1000% on the mark.
Anna~ as for the views and such , i am not a paying member, but got a lot of views and 22 faved me! Which I could get premium to see who has faved me!
Need to go get lunch….see ya’ll later.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
I am married. I joined SA well after I was married. Nope. They do not know.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Yes. The nature of this type of relationship can allow for people to be candid about their actual wants/needs. I would want to know for health reasons.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
No. I think the risk is the same in all types of relationships. Cheaters cheat. (feeling very zen today….. A thief steals it is because it is his job… So… if you don’t want to have something stolen… lock up your valuables)
I have one thing to add regarding the Tiger Woods thing. He admitted his mistake after being caught. (as most people do) I don’t think he ever thought he was better than anyone or thought because he was who he was that he wouldn’t get caught. I also don’t think anyone believed his wife broke out both back windows of his car because she was trying to rescue him. (heehee!) But I have no idea between the relationship between him and his wife or his reasons. I don’t even follow golf. i just thought the story was kinda funny. (c’mon, we all knew his wife spazzed on him because she found out the truth)
But on so many levels I will call out how horrible it is of person who is going to out any situation because they can. People who get involved with someone married, most likely promised discretion. Sure, in all cases we deserved to be treated as well as we treat others. But, there is no place for scorn in sb land. (imo) Just because a SD cheats or lies, does not mean it should go to paybacks. i think it terribly out of line to think it is ok to send txt, emails, or pics to spouses. (unless we are put in danger) That’s just not good.
Oh and to add on to that very long thought…
Women… Tiger was married to a model. yet… he still strayed… Looks alone can’t keep a man at home obviously.
Hey… to all the married SD/sb… no need to defend yourselves or reasoning. I think it funny to say… Only single people should exchange y for x or however their mutually beneficial relationship might work. Kind of funny. like the exchange is only ok if people are single? heck, i am sure a lot of single people would be against the SD/sb world.
No need to cast stones in any direction. Here is what I have noticed, admittedly a lot of people here are hypocrites. But at least it is open and admitted. Plenty of Married people only looking for singles. That is the beauty of a SD/sb relationship. Having an opinion. Getting a say. Getting what you want. No one has to serttle for something they don’t want.
Live and let live!
And i think most comments as such come out kind of wrong. i don’t think people mean to make others feel guilty. So even tho at times i have wanted to comment before today, I have always held off. Because we should be able to voice an opinion without worrying about if we said something wrong or if we are going to drive someone away. As long as there is mutual respect and harm was not intentional….
I do like to see the different perspectives tho. it keeps things interesting. this place is very diverse to say the least!
Beach_Girl, glad to hear I’m not the only one stuggling
poptart~ I totally agree! we are all here to share!
and Welcome
Eric~ struggling is an understatement!
Eric – you are most definitely NOT the only SB struggling to find the right SD/SM!
Hi BG and everyone else!!
Hey Taz!
Hey Taz
Welcome poptart
How are you my girls doing this afternoon?! Nice to see all the new SDs
Hi all… I was on hiatus for a while…. but I’m back now. to answer the blog questions:
*Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?*
I am not married, very single and not seeing anyone inside or outside the sugarbowl.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Yes, I would prefer to know. I believe any relationship whether it be sugar or not is based upon trust. I wouldn’t hold that back from you, so be honest with me… I’m not here to judge.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Feeling cheated on… I don’t think it’s less of a risk. You can come into a sugar relationship with all the intentions in the world, however, feelings are feelings… they have no logic; hence being feelings. Plus “feeling cheated on” can mean so many different things to different people.
I am not casting judgment on anyone. Hope I did not come off that way. I would be a hypocrite if I did. Just saying that cheating is so mainstream these days. The only problem I have is when someone says that someone elses actions drives them to cheat and then they therefore find it easier to be with their spouse because they are cheating.
Sometimes it is the wife who drives their husband to cheat but I don’t think it justifies lying to someone. I would hope that when I am married if I am doing something that is driving my husband away from me that he would come to me and discuss it and he would let me know the marriage is dependent on working through this. I would just hate to be married to a man and not know that he was having sex with an SB on the side. when he comes home all happy I would think he was happy to see me and therefore whe I find out the truth I will feel like a fool
And I would also be concerned if they were having sex without a condom. even if 2 people get themselves tested it doesn’t mean they can’t get an STD the next day and pass it on to someone. Of course it requires a great deal of trust and if it’s just you and your SB that is fine, but you are bringing an innocent 3rd party into the mix, the wife, who has no idea that her health and emotional well being is being compromised.
And by staying the dutiful wife, while her husband is cheating with an SB, she is spending years in a dead marriage that will probably end soon anyway. Had she known she might have left
I admit that I am guilty as well but I don’t try and put a pretty spin on it by saying I am with an SD because I would be with them without the arrangement and I find it sad when an SD justifies it by saying the wife is t blame and that they are doing it because they want to help mentor a young woman.
I just wish people were more honest about their intentions. But that is just me so sorry if I offended anyone
And as for Tiger Woods—-well like all the famous men of late who have admitted to cheating—they only seem to feel the remorse because they got caught.
Give a man wealth or fame or both and their egos expand like a balloon. They think they have every right to cheat with the best looking woman they can afford and the really stupid thing is that they think they won’t get caught. But eventually they all do
Hi all. i’m still @ parents and the old blog crapped out my memory on my treo and I wasn’t going to use parent’s computer.
In defense of Tiger at least he didn’t hit his wife back – I know that’s a small ‘mercy’. Also when you’re the world’s greatest golfer & lauded as a superstar & have so much money you start thinking ‘i can do anything I want, fulfill every fantasy’. It won’t be the 1st time & it won’t be the last that a superstar gets caught cheating.
After watching The Hills i’m annoyed that Justin, Kristin & StacieTV is living my reality ‘going to a strip club, two girls making out & being attacked (in a good way) by strippers’ BUT you could tell Kristin wasn’t really into the kiss whereas Stacie was – just imagine a two minute smooch between two hot women – drives the strippers wild. Btw I like Audrina, Stephanie & Lo (though Audrina & Steph are not that smart)
Jokes – What’s the difference between an Impala and a Titleist – a Titleist can be driven 400 yards.
Why did Tiger hit a fire hydrant and a tree – he couldn’t decide between a wood or an iron.
Finally hats off to Phil Mickelson (whom i’ve met) who I hope would NEVER cheat on his wife.
ciao peeps
Good one Flo! LOL
I would imagine most of the superstars do cheat. Too much temptation when they are on the road.
What gets me is that they think they won’t get caught and that . They are not stupid so it has to be the ego thing
Sincere – the stories in this blog are not about Waldorf daddy… while him and i are strictly business partners now he was always upfront about his other SB in asia… i always respect him for his honesty…
On the safe sex discussion… I had a man write to me a while back… he had told me that he broke up with his SB bc she contracted an STD from an ex of hers which she hooked up with while she was with the SD… he told me he couldnt get tested bc his wife would find out but was fairly certain that he didnt catch anything bc his SB told him she hooked up with her ex in a period when she didnt see him… no they were not using condoms… and no he was not open to using condoms… it was a tough decision but i had to pass on this one
BG – vacation was awesome… i didnt want to return
Hey all. I skipped the last blog because I simply don’t have the time right now to catch up. Will someone please let me know if I missed anything important?
Regarding relationship status. I am single and not seeing anyone outside the sugarbowl. My SD is married but I’ve always known that and glad I do. It let’s me know what the boundaries to our relationship are so that I don’t accidentally get either of us (but really him) in trouble.
I, personally, have never cheated on anyone. That said, I haven’t had a lot of serious committed relationships and when I was dating (even if not sleeping with) more than once person at a time, everyone I so much as kissed was aware that I was seeing other people. I don’t like lying to anyone and I prefer not to be lied to. I would rather know that the person I’m seeing (sugarbowl or no) is seeing other people or looking than be totally surprised when I get “dumped” or have a health issue.
I think in any relationship, sugar or no, honesty is crucial. I need to know what’s going on so I can adjust accordingly or get out.
Ok, enough monologue outta me. I have to get back to work.
NYCsb-
The fact that he said “he told me he couldnt get tested bc his wife would find out” would be enough of a red flag for me. There is anonymous testing of course and his wife would not find out unless there is something I don’t know about the process
Good jokes Flo Rida — I will have to steal those
About to head out on a flight… but just one comment…. to quote one of my favorite bloggers — clearly seekingarrangement is not the place to pass moral judgments….
Have a great day everyone!
NYC SB – I would have had to do the same thing – I am 30 and have been cautious and safe enough NOT to contract any diseases thus far – his honesty is quite admirable but don’t know if I could go there…probably a really great guy too…which is too bad…so there you have it – I believe in complete honesty in an arrangement/relationship in the sugar bowl as much as anywhere else is mandatory – BUT – this poor guy – did being honest bite him in the ass??
On that note – I am sure there is SOME way he can get tested?!?! A P.O box instead of an address maybe?
Hi NCGent – have a great trip!!
Comming out of lurck mode.
I wish I had known about this site when I was married. I am the father of two girls. was married for six years. Started to have an affair after four years. The woman that I married changed into mom only mode after first child. If I had known about this site I would have probable stayed with her and just went out of town on bussiness a lot. Now that being said and looking back I would not have married her but I have two great kids and the woman is the best mom ever put on plantet earth. While we dont aggree on everything I could not imagine anyone else being the mother of my girls. Wound up marrying the misstress and divocing her. The reason I am here is to find a relationship SD/SB that is drama free and just fun. But to get to the main point of some other blog statements, if my wife was a great mom and just a lousy wife I could see staying in it for the kids all day long. ALL I HAVE TO DO IN MY LIFE IS HAVE A JOB AND BE A GOOD FATHER. Sorry for the yelling. Just how I feel.
SWM-TxSD – agreed and well put. And welcome – happy you joined us
Cakepatty and Taz – of course there is a way to get tested without having it show up on your insurance bill… its called paying out of pocket… he was not open to this option… thus signaling that he is not only wreckless with his health but cheap as well… i mean a full set of tests cannot cost that much can they?
SWM-TxSD ~ Thanks for joining us, so glad you came out of lurk mode
SWM-TxSD – Welcome. May I ask how long you have been in your second marriage and how long you have been looking for a SB? If that is too personal, please forgive me and I understand if you do not wish to answer. I am just genuinely curious what brought you to searching again.
Hey there photogirl, how are ya?
I really hope SWM-TxSD doesn’t go back into lurk mode..lol.
wow you guys… that tiger really goes around… count of girls he cheated with is up to 3 at this point…
NYCSB – One would think the cost wouldn’t matter…especially in his case. Wreckless indeed!
Three now, It was two just this morning..lol
Maried ? Been there. Done that. Got burned. My own stupidity !
Noone else to blame but myself. You see, I wore rosy spectacles.
I am single and not seeing anyone in or out the sugar bowl.
Nah, Anna Molly, Ich bin noch zu haben. Eine traumhafte Chanze.
Können wir endlich etwas Deutsch üben.
Mais dans pendant la nuit on va parler Francais passionement.
C’est le langue d’amour, n’est ce pas ?!
Hoffentlich werden Sie mich nicht entäuschen in der Liebe.
I prefer to meet somebody who is single as well.
Saves us a lot of drama and I think stories about an ex or so are a waste of time. I had rather concentrate on the two of us.
I am a nerd, I know. I am just a one man for that one girl.
As to “cheated on” in the Sugarworld.
Only met SBs that treated me as an ATM.
Thought this would be different here, but it is the same as in the real world outside the sugar bowl.
Time and time again I read it in all kinds of comments.
There is seldom any talk about other aspects that I regard as
“the pleasure of your company”.
The notion of friendship between the two of us is very important to me.
Al that talk about the formation that Shakespeare refers to as
“the beast with the two backs” is so overdone.
Friendship will last a life time.
Romping between the sheets just lasts 6,5 minutes according to a recent survey.
But I am different, I know. My life is complete.
I lead a very interesting life and do not “need” an SB.
On the other hand I know that I have much to offer her to make her life complete.
During my travels and my activities I meet so many interesting people.
Many times there is a click and affection opens a door.
Tell you something hilarious.
“Thou shalt not cover thy neighbours daughter”, yet whenever I meet her, her eyes light up. She is 22 and has a BA in Psychology and will continue her studies to reach an MA in Crimonology.
So you see, life is always a surprise and you never know when you will meet “that” person.
As to Tiger Woods, I remember Archie Bunker saying “men have hormones”.
HL
Hello Anna – Doing ok…have been fighting off a horrible headache all day which is bad because I am supposed to be working on my website!
I certainly hope I did not cause SWM-TXSD to go back into lurk mode…I was in no way judging… just curious.
I am not married. been divocred for awhile now.
I have a headache too…I’m trying to fight it, but unfortunately I think I’ll have to take one of my Imitrex. Those things make me feel so weird..lol
I apologize SWM-TxSD I mis-read your comment.
no need to. wrote a small book on my first post
In re the whole STD testing thing: there are numerous sites on the web that will allow you to be tested completely anonymously. You get the test in a clinic, then call in to get your results. No one else will ever know, unless you tell them. And it’s quite cheap, at least in big cities.
Also, although it’s obviously a good idea for anyone who’s sexually active to get tested from time to time, relying on the results of a test to decide against condom use is a huge mistake. At least unless you’re talking about a marriage or a monogamous long term relationship. And, in my opinion, that doesn’t include anyone in any sugar relationships. Test results mean someone is disease-free right now, but tells you nothing about what will happen next week or next month.
Would I trust an SB to be monogamous? No. Should an SB trust me (or any other SD) to be monogamous? No. At least not if an STD is the potential outcome.
So use condoms, regardless of test results.
A more interesting question is what happens if the other person tests positive for something. Obviously, if the STD is treatable, it makes sense to hold off on sex until there’s no risk. If it’s not treatable (herpes or HIV), I suppose that’s a more difficult decision. I would probably terminate (or not begin) a relationship with someone who was HIV positive, because the consequences of getting the disease are so serious. I’m not so sure about herpes, since the consequences seem less serious and my sense is that you can fairly reliably avoid transmission if you’re careful. But I’m not an expert, and so far haven’t been put in a position where I have to make that choice.
JQ
Cheating_SD says: Just Dee you’re so right: “A lot of the drama in relationships is created because one person doesn’t know how to communicate honestly with their partner, so they create the drama in order to manipulate the partner into whatever outcome it is they want.” I have done that before because it’s easier than just saying, “I don’t want you any more.”
but really it’s not easier. easier is telling the truth and making a clean break of it rather than dragging someone’s emotional health through the mud.
.
RealisticSD says: In my experience, there are a lot of SBs who have only male friends. I think part of it goes along with the thought that the SB thinks she is hottest thing on earth and all women hate to be around her out of envy. I have had several SBs say that pretty much in those exact words.
if you think women aren’t terrible to each other you haven’t been watching. i have female friends but i also have been treated really badly by women and trash talked because their man looked at me. not my fault but i still became ‘that slut’ even though all i did was stand around making a phone call.
i’m not that hot, but i’m hot enough… that said, since i’m genuinely nice and generous and funny and smart too? they usually get over it and apologize for it later.
.
poptart: welcome, and HEAR HEAR
.
Happy Lurker: did you get my message to you on the last blog regarding the beaujolais?
i should email you but i am terrible sometimes…
JQ: it’s pretty easy not to transmit herpes to a man. much harder not to give it to a female. it’s the mucous membrane thing you see.
OMG Anna Molly,
Just made a pass at you in German.
Immediately you tell me you have a headache.
Just the same old song.
Poor me will drown his sorrows now in a bottle of chilled Dom Perignon.
My lookalike 007 took that preference from me.
Trust your headache will go away soon.
HL
Glücklich Lurker swoon ich jedes Mal, wenn ich eine der Ihre Nachrichten lesen. Ich würde gerne Deutsch mit Ihnen jederzeit zu praktizieren. Sie sagen mir, den Zeitpunkt und Ort. Bis wir wieder mein süßer erfüllen.
Hi Happy Lurker, Cleo, SWM SD, JohnQ, Photogirl, NYC SB and anyone else I’m missing!
Muse:
If you read this, please send me mail at tx_sb at hot mail. I would love to take you up on your offer to discuss gift ideas for SD in private(since he reads the blog)….but don’t have you contact info.
————————————————————————
SWM SD:
Welcome! May I ask where in TX you are? If you’d not comfortable answering, I totally understand?
————————————————————————
I’m actually really glad this topic was chosen. This is also bringing up the topic of safe sex which is something I haven’t seen discussed on the blog often.
Hello Cleo,
No, I did not get your message on the Beaulolais.
The last blog had over 2000 posts, incredible.
I only have time now and then to follow the blog and a few hundred is too much to read up.
But I got you message on the herpes non-problem.
Again life is hilarious to me.
You are quite an eye-opener.
A lady I could discuss getting herpes from over a bottle of good wine.
Come here and let me kiss you for that.
You really are a delight !
XXX
HL
NYC SB:
Echoing the sentiment of others, I also would’ve done the same exact thing with that SD. His statement that he can’t get tested without his wife finding out is BS. His unwillingness to use condoms with his other SBs and also you (even after knowing his other SB had a STD) is just plain stupid in his part. I feel VERY sorry for his wife b/c he’s putting her health in danger.
poptart says:
I do like to see the different perspectives tho. it keeps things interesting. this place is very diverse to say the least!
I completely agree poptart. This blog would be boring if all of us agreed with each other all the time and had the same exact views on everything.
beaumont area, but know I will have to look in the houston area
HL ~ It took me a while to translate the pass you made at me.
The headache comment was not an attempt at avoiding you.
For the record: I hereby declare that notwithstanding any prior inconsistent statements about reluctance to get involved with SBs who are married and/or with children, I am available and willing to accept Tiger Woods’ wife and two kids into a new sugar family, of course along with her (our) rightful share of the Tiger empire.
Q: so what do you call the arrangement when a young beautiful SB supports an older SD? A: Heaven.
Off to practice my 9-iron . . .
JQ, here’s something else you need to remember about herpes: The virus is active and “shedding” for a MINIMUM of three days before any symptoms appear. That’s 3 days of passing the virus to your partner without either of you knowing that an outbreak is pending. Or 3 days of your partner passing the virus to you.
Someone asked about testing. Planned Parenthood tests both men and women. Most of the “women’s clinics” (also listed in your yellow pages as “abortion clinics”) do STD testing for men and women. Your county health department (in the US) does at least some STD tests, if not all. Pay out of pocket instead of using your insurance. And these clinics won’t mail anything to your home.
I’m too lazy to call my local women’s clinic to ask them how much a full range of STD tests costs. There are quite a number of tests that are run – the VDRL or RPR for syphilis, the ELISA test for HIV, cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, blood tests for all 3 types of hepatitis (A, B, and C), and blood tests for the IGM and IGG antibodies that would indicate herpes 1 or 2 infections.
For the women, add to that a thin-prep Pap smear (with HPV DNA testing if there are any abnormal cells in the Pap smear), and a bacterial vaginosis panel (cultures for several bacteria that cause annoying vaginal infections which may lead to pelvic inflammatory disease).
I’m looking at several web sites. For STD testing, many of the clinics appear to charge $100 to $150 for the office visit. The lab tests have price ranges, but it looks like another $200 to $400 depending on where you are plus the specific tests run.
So no, it isn’t inexpensive to pay it out of pocket. But it’s sure a heck of a lot cheaper than explaining to your significant other why he or she suddenly has these odd little bumps where odd little bumps don’t belong.
SWM:
Ah…..you’re not that far away from SD & I. Nice to have you on the blog….
—————————————————————
NYGent:
LOL!
NYGent, if you think any woman on this blog is going to let you throw your life away on a Swedish blonde, when there are 4 dozen women here who would snatch you up in a heartbeat – you got so more thinking to do.
Besides, not only do we have women on this blog who are far, far prettier than Mrs. Woods, but our women also have personalities. And brains. And wit. The things that make you guys WANT to keep it home.
NYGent said…For the record: I hereby declare that notwithstanding any prior inconsistent statements about reluctance to get involved with SBs who are married and/or with children, I am available and willing to accept Tiger Woods’ wife and two kids into a new sugar family, of course along with her (our) rightful share of the Tiger empire.
hmmmm… I bet she is sick of men right about now. She needs a sb (like me) to help her take her mind off of things. Yes, who has her email addy?
JustDee: most women i know with herpes can feel an outbreak coming on and have never shared. many of the men i have met who admitted to having it also admitted to sharing it. everything else you said is spot on.
.
Happy Lurker: all right then, i’ll email you my comment instead
smiles and waves brightly
Thank you all for your warm welcome. I have been reading the blog for a while now and was just waiting for an opportunity to say hi. (yanno and not feel like baby from Dirty Dancing, when she says, “I carried the watermelon”.)
There are a lot of lurkers, and you all provide a wonderful resource of information without even realizing it.
JohnQ- said: Test results mean someone is disease-free right now, but tells you nothing about what will happen next week or next month.
I agree Johnq, testing only gives you a false sense of security
You can get tested for free at the county health clinic I think. Pretty obvious this SD thought he was smarter than you NYC. Good thing you did not get involved with him.
I used to have a profile up at a casual sex type web site. I use condoms all the time unless I am in a long term monogamous relationship and even then it is usually months before I trust someone enough top not use them
At one point I used to say right up front in the profile that I was HSV2(herpes) positive. I can’t tell you how many men congratulated me for being honest and how many women even responded to tell me that they have it as well but lie to their partners because they know they will be rejected. Most people only do the standard panel and herpes is a separate blood test.
Of course everyone who has herpes got it because someone probably lied to them or just didn’t share that info or they were reckless one time.
I have had guys, who do not know my status, offer me an incredible amount of money to have sex sans condom. I always refuse of course.
Cleo, as time passes, the “prodrome” – the burning and tingling and itching that precede an outbreak – can become less and less noticeable, in both oral and genital herpes. Unfortunately, a lot of men and women think this means that their body has gotten rid of the virus …. and then they share it, thinking it’s gone for good. Not only that, but about 1/3 of all repeat outbreaks have no symptoms at all.
Wait until your friends are my age, and ask them if they can still feel the outbreak coming.
I knew a guy about 25 years ago who was a virgin when he got married, thought his wife was, and he got herpes from her in the first month or so that they were married. The next few months weren’t pleasant for either of them or any of their friends.
JustDee: i’ve heard health professionals say that your own herpes isn’t contagious to you (it totally is.) it’s amazing the misinformation that is out there. like the idea that you can get rid of something that lives forever in your spine
that said, it’s still much much more difficult to give it to a man than a woman.
i don’t know your age but i know a 50yo mother of four who hasn’t shared it with her husband and still can tell when the outbreaks are coming on. she’s just extra paranoid, any itch is suspect…
Hmm…read through most of the blog…and it appears I’ve ended up on the itchy end of things!
Blog questions:
I prefer to know whether a SD is married or has a gf (to avoid the always icky jealous wife/gf syndrome) PLUS I am concerned about diseases and such. I really really prefer a guy to be single…it eliminates a lot of possible drama ahead of time, plus I’m not entirely comfortable seeing a man who is married. I prefer a guy to be honest with me about any of his paramoures or women of that nature…its when a guy starts hiding things and denying things that things get sticky and uncomfortable.
Interesting discussion of STDs.
Looking around on the internet, it appears that 70-90% of Americans are infected with oral herpes (HSV-1), and somewhere between 20-25% of adult Americans are infected with genital herpes (HSV-2). I haven’t seen a breakdown of HSV-2 infections by sexually active adults, but I’d have to figure that if the total population is 20-25%, the sexually active adult population would have to have an infection rate of at least one out of three. 80-90% of those with HSV-2 don’t know they have it. I believe this means they don’t have outbreaks. At the very least, somewhere around 2/3 are completely symptom-free.
I’m kind of surprised at the HSV-1 numbers. I don’t have HSV-1 (I’ve been tested), so either I’m very lucky or I’m somehow misinterpreting the information I’ve seen.
It appears that transmission of herpes 2 is possible even if the carrier is asymptomatic, but this appears to be “far less likely” than if there are symptoms present. One site I’ve seen indicates that, if a couple has regular, unprotected sex for a year, but refrain from sex during outbreaks, a man has a 3% chance of catching the disease from an infected woman and a woman has an 8% chance of catching the disease from an infected man. Condoms reduce these rates by 40-50% (e.g., to about 2% and about 4-5%).
The net of this is actually better than I would have thought. HSV-2 is normally so mild that only 10-20% of those infected even know they have it. In addition, the chances of infection seem quite low, as long as you avoid sex during outbreaks, and can be further reduced by condom use.
None of this means that this or any other disease should be taken lightly. Nevertheless, I’m somewhat less concerned than before I did this research.
HSV-1 appears to be so prevalent that there’s not much point in worrying about contracting it, since almost everyone already has it (though, again, I don’t, or at least didn’t the last time I was tested).
HSV-2 is less prevalent, but any sexually active person is likely to run into it. If you figure an average sexual relationship lasts six months, and you avoid sex during outbreaks and use condoms, I believe the chances of a man contracting a symptomatic form of the disease is around 0.2%, or about one in 500. I get that number by dividing the year-long transmission rate in half (1%), then multiplying by the percentage of carriers who realize they have the disease (20%). The similar number for a woman would be approximately 0.5%, or about one in 200.
In addition, I’m pretty sure that, once you have HSV-2, you can’t get infected again, since your immune system should protect you (though you can continue to get outbreaks from the original infection). So, in a weird way, getting an asymptomatic version of the disease might actually protect you, assuming, of course, that the disease remains asymptomatic.
All of this information is based on looking at what appear to be reputable web-sites, along with some extrapolation. If anyone out there has better information, or knows anything that contradicts what I’ve said, please speak up.
So returning to my original issue, which was whether I would terminate a relationship with someone who has HSV-2 (or refuse to enter such a relationship), I’d probably think about it some, but my sense is that this particular risk is probably less than other risks you run in any relationship (STD and otherwise). So I’d probably be careful to avoid sex during outbreaks, but wouldn’t otherwise be that concerned.
JQ
Hi Gemi – good to see you back on blog
we need to get off the itchy subjects for a minute
since when did the topic of “SD” and “SB” turn into “STD” ?
Cakepatty, you generalize too much I think about a man’s motivations for sugar dating. I got into sugar dating because a young woman came to train with me as a preceptor. From the first moment I saw her, all I could think of was how to make her life better and to train her well an to make her successful. Sex did not even cross my mind for quite some time into our emotional affair, and even when it happened, I was rather reluctant and unsure about it. Is my wife to blame? Not sure. But it sure is hard when you go home and all you hear is nagging about what an awful husband I am because, even though I make seven figures, I don’t help with sweeping bread crumbs off the floor. To my SB I was a godsend, and even to this day now that we have ended things for a year, she thinks of me as her “angel”. She has an awesome career now and she thanks me for it. How is my wife to compete? I’ll be totally honest. Everywhere I go, people like me. My staff love me and everyone in the office wants to work for me. My friends adore me to the point that my wife even gets jealous of my guy friends. And I have met a dozen or so SBs on this site, and every single one wanted me to be their SD after the first date (granted some went crazy on me). Now to see this and know that I can be someone’s McDreamy but instead am stuck being my wife’s McStinky just plain old sucks. So I have to either spend all day fighting with her, trying to salvage something, or ignore her and put my time and energy into an SB. And when I ignore her, she is much happier. I have told her a hundred times that we should get counseling, that I am not happy, that things cannot last the way they are, that we are just together because of the kids, and even that an affair would help our marriage, but it is all a waste of effort. It’s much better to put my effort and money to make someone else’s life better. And yes, have her make me feel good in return.
Oh god we can talk about all most anything else at this point…like erectile dysfunction. I don’t care!
lololol…..erectile dysfunction!
Hello NYC SB and Lisa! I agree…how did talking about SBs and SDs end up on the itchy STD side of things??
Gemini: Sorry about the whole ED thing but I am so with NYC SB and lisa about changing topics. Either that or lets change the website to WebMD.
SD NEOhio: Oh I agree…
Lets seee….. we can talk about…. um…
how SDs and SBs fit their SB/SD into their life and schedule? Right now things are going to be tough for me…new job…eats up all my time…when I’m off work I’m tired and its late… and I only have two days off and they are on odd days. What is a girl to do?? I just wonder how everyone handles their SD/SB with a work schedule in place
rofl
bad time to mention that often ED is caused by pelvic floor musculature failing to function correctly?
man the things i know because of my job
*dies laughing*
Gemini: You saying ED isn’t going to be a popular topic? Well OK guess we can talk about scheduling if you think that would be better.
Part of the reason I like an SB is that my schedule is crazy busy. Especially this time of year. Do most of you out there have schedule meetings or do you fit it in when possible?
cleo: You are so not being hot right now. lol
Good evening SDN, Gemini 29 and lisa!!
I hadnt really the ‘want in me’ to respond to the blog today much at all as some of the comments made me think woww.
Regarding John Q research and that you are suprised by the figures for HSV-1 70% – 90% of the pop. Excuse my ignorance but arnt we talking about the common coldsore? I would say 70% -90% of my friends have had one or many at one stage.
SDN: is it hot if i tell you i know how to fix it? and um… lots of other stuff?
*still laughing*
.
re scheduling, i don’t have an SD but if i did i’d have to schedule to some extent because i have a life but am willing to be spontaneous as well… different if he’s further away of course.
Irish!!! Hey. Ummm just skip the whole ED thing…doesn’t apply to me…really.
Evening Sugars!
So many new faces and I believe the SD posts have outnumbered the SB posts. Yeah! Welcome all!
Flo Rida and NYGent – Thanks for the laughs!
Cleo and HL – Thanks for the STD lesson.
I’m so glad the married SDs have openly shared their views on marriage and SB relationships. It really doesn’t matter what brings a person to seek companionship elsewhere. It does matter that their family is still number one, kids are happy, etc. (see the first few posts from yesterday to see my viewpoint if you like). My only suggestion is that you should realize kids are not clueless and should be given credibility if you are ever confronted by your child. Doesn’t mean you have to tell them everything, but maintaining their trust is important. A little off topic and just my opinion.
cleo: ummm…call me.
erectile disfunction aka ED treatable with Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra
oh look I can name three ED medications if the effect doesn’t wear off after 4 hours, go to the emergency room
I am KIDDING!
SD NEOhio – Well I guess ED could be a hot topic…. but then I better bow out because while we learnt allllllll about stds back in high school and college, we never covered ED… I can’t talk intelligently on the subject at all.
Except to say that if someone gets a 4 hour erection taking Viagra or something similar…by golly that sounds uncomfortable!
SDN (re your comment to irish) i can help you with that…?
okay okay i’ll stop now…
SDN: aww you mean you don’t want me to call you? shucks and here i was about to go call 411 and find you *g*
how bout email instead?
*giggling*
Yes, let’s change the subject..lol. I’m getting sick to my stomach.
When I was in Highschool, stds were called vd
Moral battles, STDs and ED hmmm really puts you on the mood doesnt it
Anna: Hey glad you could join us. Got your Christmas shopping done?
I’m going to leave now and have some hot cocoa and whip cream before I catch something from you people
in the mood!
Have my tree up…little crooked but it is up.
I must add though that I receive emails on a regular basis from Viagra and “add inches” sights as well as ARP newsletters. They must think i’m an old man
OK that sounded better before I hit “Submit”
lol @ Lisa.
I have to admit all this talking about diseases and such is making me uninterested in meeting the SDs in my area. Maybe I should email the pot SDs back and say “Sorry, the blog topic has scared me off being a SB. Much apologies”
Have my tree up…little crooked but it is up
Wow the Viagra must have worked fast, lol sorry I couldn’t resist, I better leave now
:O @ SD NEOhio
Lol at Ohio!
I didn’t mean it that way…I promise. So Christmas shopping…
To catch up on the rest of the blog:
As for superstars and politicians, they’re too much in the spotlight not to get caught. Tiger will be fine if he has a good prenup. Otherwise, he’s screwed.
You can get anonymous testing at Planned Parenthood and a really full panel can run as high as $500. Also, remember HIV takes up to 6 months to show up in blood work. So they could have caught it yesterday and their test could still be negative three months from now.
As for herpes, it sheds 3% of days even when there are no symptoms at all (asymptomatic shedding). But who cares? Seriously. People get it on their lips all the time and don’t care, so why does it matter if it is in the genital area where no one will see it? Now, for the record, I don’t have either type of herpes. Presumably I am immune to the lip type (I have kissed at least three girls who would get recurrent outbreaks), and probably but perhaps unfortunately have not been exposed to the genital strain. Why do I say that? Because I don’t get any lesions, so if I have been exposed, I am immune and it would give me one less thing to worry about.
Just Dee, you can definitely have genital herpes and be a virgin. A lot of genital herpes is on places like the thigh, not necessarily on the genitalia. Also, rarely HSV 2 can appear on the lips or people can get genital herpes from HSV 1 from oral sex.
I love to shop online…have an Amazon wish list and everything. Anyone else?
ACK! *louis vuitton louis vuitton happy place happy place HAPPY PLACE*
naughty RealisticSD!
SDN – Is that a hint??? Should we be checking out your wish list? I bet you couldn’t add sugar baby to that list. I love shopping online. Much better variety, prices and no crowds!
As for ED – never had a problem, very uninformed.
I’m an ebay shopper. Can’t resist a deal…. plus I don’t mind buying some things like purses pre-owned.
Gemini29: ROFL louis vuitton. You are killing me.
Midwest: If you have some extra in the Christmas fund…I am just putting it out there.
Making fajitas…anyone joining me needs to bring beer!
Midwest: Fajitas? Chicken, Beef or Shrimp? I will bring beer.
SD NEOhio – Well I’m sure everyone can agree that LV is far much more of a happy thing to think on than herpes.
RSD – ummm ummm no more… i need brain bleach
thinking of shiny new louboutins and a mini lbd
I’ve never had a fajita(s). But I’d still bring the beer.
im bringing margaritas… now which flavor you all want them in?
Am i the only person who doesnt like louis vuitton?
Although im suprised that the topic change from STDs suggested by Ohio (btw SDN im calling you that from now on as it looks 2 much like STD!)
was to shopping!
NYC SB – nice combo!
SDN- Steak and shrimp
Ooh NYC SB, my new best friend. Original lime flavor! With Salt! Frozen! Wahooo!!
See, even online drinks get me silly….
Dec. 8 dinner group: you all have mail
Party at Midwests house!! Mexican theme!
Cheers NYGent – rub it in!
NYGent – Sounds like fun!
SDN ~ No, I haven’t started Christmas shopping yet. I always wait until the last minute..lol. I too love to online shop especially at Amazon, it’s the best for gadgets and stuff like that. I’m a gadget girl for sure, got to have the latest iPod and now I’m looking for a new phone. I’ve never had a need for a keyboard, but I do now
Anna: If you need my “wish list” just let me know
Yeah! Gemi and NYC SB are coming! I love a great top shelf margarita on the rocks, no salt please…unless it’s…nevermind.
SDN ~ If you send me yours, I’ll send you mine
MMmmmmmmm….yummy!
Anna: Hhhhmmm…that might be fun. Deal.
ROFLMAO! Okay, guys, you don’t like the itchy subjects, but maybe I should get out the links to the microbiology web sites that I used to use when I tutored the subject for pre-nursing subjects? The pictures you’ll see will make those statistics have a great deal more meaning, I promise.
I would love to have the appropriate microbiology degrees so I could teach, because so many teachers do a mediocre job with a fascinating subject. But that would require more chemistry, and I don’t want anything badly enough to take another chemistry class.
ED? Damage to muscles, nerves, or capillaries. Nitric oxide (look it up). The little blue pill and its counterparts have no effect on ED that is caused by damage to capillary walls, such as happens in diabetes. So gentlemen, when your doctor says to get your blood sugar down and keep it down, HE MEANS IT. The impotence from diabetes cannot be treated or reversed. Once you’ve got it, your sex life is over.
RealisticSD ….. I understand where you’re coming from. When a spouse no longer treats you with respect, when every interaction is nothing but nagging and disdain, desire dies. Interest and willingness die. When spouses stop having sex, they gradually stop touching each other at all. And when you stop touching, you eventually stop talking. The only way to keep your sanity is to get that affirmation of yourself as a desirable, capable, interesting, valued person – the affirmation you should be getting from your spouse! – from someone else.
So anyone want to talk about my crooked tree again? *** at least it is a full tree, not a twig ***
I’m not sure why people would approach their sexual health (and the other persons) any different in the sugar world than the would normally. Even when using protection there is always the possibility of catching something…some people don’t know they have something, testing does not cover all STDs, and some people LIE. There is always a risk, always. Just be careful and don’t jump into bed with someone you just met. *shrugs*
SDN ~ Why is you tree crooked? Is it leaning left or right?
I’m beginning to realize how poorly timed by last comment was
SDN – What are you trying to say?
JohnQ – Although the topic does apply to sugar dating and traditional dating, it is really a discussion best suited to the two people considering a relationship. As you have pointed out, there is a great deal of information available to anyone who desires to learn more.
Anna: Leans slightly to the left. It is actually a nice tree. I am not a big decorator, single SD and all, but I do like a Christmas tree. Send me that list and I will put a present under it for you! Shoes? VC? Coach?
Haha Midwest im only after noticing that now! Funny!
Midwest, had to scroll back up…..ill-timed commentary indeed! lol
SDN ~ I’m sending that list, seriously I am
Although, if you put the present under your tree, how will I collect it?
SDN – Small suggestion for your profile tag line: Help me fix my crooked tree!
More Tiger humor:
Police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit the rear window ‘I don’t know, 5 or 6, put me down for a 5′
Did you hear Phil Mickelson called Tiger’s wife asking ‘can you tell me how I can beat Tiger’
What were Tiger and his wife doing at 2.30am – they went ‘clubbing’
What do Tiger & baby harp seals have in common – They both get clubbed by Norwegians (sorry PETA and sorry for the poor taste)
Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract on her own set of drivers. They are Elin Woods ‘clubs you can beat Tiger with’.
Gemi – I missed you babe! Glad to see you again!
Flo Rida! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anna: We’ll talk about the collection
CB NY: rofl….you offering to help?
Hey Flo! Missed all my blog girls (and guys!) too! Been busy with work, finally found an evening to devote a bit to the blog!
Realistic- You sounded like you knew what you were talking about in regards to herpes until you said this:
“Because I don’t get any lesions, so if I have been exposed, I am immune and it would give me one less thing to worry about.”
Immune? Sorry but you are 10% wrong. Many people have been exposed and it takes years for them to get their first outbreak. You don’t believe that then ask your doctor. some people get a first outbreak that is so minor as well they don’t even know they have herpes and some get the first outbreak from hell. I have a friend who was with a guy for 4 years and then after they broke up she was celibate for 2 years and at the end of the second year she got an awful outbreak. He was the only person she could have gotten it from as she wasn’t even dating all that time
If your immunity is strong to fight off the infection you might not get any lessions but you can still be shedding (look up asymptomatic shedding) and still transfer it to your partner. Then if you have a stressful period and get run down that is when it may come out
oops meant 100% wrong not 10% LOL
SDN – Leave as is — a la Pisa. More character.
JustDee: i’ve actually started teaching pelvic floor workshops. i say they’re sex workshops but i’m lying *g*
.
SDN: now now you’re the SD, how about i tell you the anatomy book i most covet? *g*
People pay more attention when you call them sex workshops! No one would show up if you called it “Prolapse prevention exercise class.”
you know, my comment made more sense before i refreshed the blog and was like 40 comments later
Gemi – Yay! love the profile btw
Signing off for now. Bye everyone
Bye Flo!
Wow! Gemi that’s a great profile!!!! Flo Rida…can I be next???
Ok I come back from work, sit comfortably in my bed, start eating and all I read is about “shedding”, burning, itchiness, lesions, herpes, outbreaks
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
What the hell?
I think I just threw up a little…
Hi Yaz…lol
Ok everyone I’m off! Dinner is calling my name!
Hi Anna
Jesus, all this is kinda making me glad I am not an “active” SB at the moment….I think I lost my appetite…lol
I don’t think I’m 100% wrong at all. Being immune means I can’t catch it. True, it can come up some time in the future, but the chances are it won’t and for sure I will be immune.
I agree that arguing details of STDs is pointless here, as blog people are intelligent enough to at least vaguely understand the risks. I have brought up STD testing with several SBs in the past and it has always been pointless. They always have some reason to believe they don’t need to be tested. So when I am worried of the amount of risk, I don’t sleep with someone.
I haven’t had time to catch up, but just wanted to stop in and ask if anyone saw the lastest addition to the featured SD’s today? hahaha Oh my goodness! I think he has the wrong site, for sure!
RealisticSD- The herpes thing, you can have, and never show a symptom for your whole life, roughly 1/6 of the US population has it, another interesting one is HPV, more so a problem for women than men, but genital warts can’t be tested on guys, while they can be tested on woman, (when I say males can’t be tested, blood work, doesn’t show HPV in males) although there is a 75% chance that people who are sexually active will catch HPV, However both males and females can get vaccinated for HPV (gardasil) and Hep B,
Ok I am done with the STD talk…
This whole Tiger Woods story sucks. That was the entire dinner conversation and my wife gave me all sorts of ultimatums about what would happen to me if I am ever caught being unfaithful
Lmaoo CASB!
CASB – Hi! I know!
Stephan – yw
RealisticSD – that’s no fun. I’m sure you maintained composure.
CASB – How have you been?
TexasSD – hi!
Dang, I can understand that a lot of married SDs have a LOT to lose if they get caught…I hope Tiger got a prenup or else, lol she will be the one laughing all the way to the bank! LOL 3 sbs?!!? Get out!
Wow, RealisticSD, I just read a couple of your posts and you sound like a wonderful man. TXSB is very lucky to have you and she deserves it, she seems like a great girl!
GOODMORNING!!!!! …whoa that was entirely too enthusiastic….(sp?)
Realistic, that sucks so bad.
Hi TexaSD and CASB
Im unsure if they were really SBs or just plain women looking to hook up with celebrities… im sure he took them out to dinners (flew one out to australia) but i kind of doubt he was paying them an allowance
Hi Napa
haha TexaSD I dont know how that helps me…I think I am still too new here to have gotten the SD/SB email list from anyone….sadly, because TXSB would be the first address I pilfered from said list
hiiiiiii TXSB
so Tokyo kicked my butt…thank goodness for aquarius
good evening everyone! How is everyone in Sugarland?
hi Anna! how are you doing?
WOW… glad I ate BEFORE I came back to the blog today!
NYCSB: Yeah I dont think he was paying them but I am pretty sure they did somehow benefit from it.
One of them has released a voicemail she had in her phone and I would not be surprised if she tries to write a book about her relationship with Tiger. Those women became celebrities overnight! lmao
Ugh, I felt a terrible headache coming on so I had to take an Imitrex…now I feel really funky..lol.
I lost track of who was signing on so I’ll just say hallo to everyone
HALLO!!
HI Anna HI midwest,
Napa where are you now?
Did Tiger have a false sense of security or was he feeling particularly brave? He must have a prenup or he wouldn’t have taken her out in public. Of course half of his fortune is still a living wage
ok well off on another flight…goodbye all
All I heard on the radio today was that phone call Tiger made to that woman. Ya know, I’m so sick of it. He is human, he made a mistake, so can we just get passed it? Those women will become rich from this, which just shows how much they cared about him. It was all about them and what they were getting from him. Makes me feel sad for him. If he wasn’t famous, or have that squeeky clean image that is now tarnished, no one would be thinking 2ce about the whole mess… enough of the lecture.
I agree with you ESB!!!!!!
They have not only become celebrities in a NY minute but they will also keep making money from this whole thing as long as people will be willing to pay them to have them appear on shows to tell their side of the story. I feel bad for him. He sounded really scared too as if he knew the whole thing was about to blow up soon..
Napa- did you leave?
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
Currently not seeing anyone.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
Yes, I feel there could be potential drama,depending on the answer(plus like to avoid any said drama)
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
Not 100% sure, I am still thinking about this one lol
Hi Mid, TexasSD, Beach_Girl, Yaz, Photogirl, Rachel all!
TexasSD: You are too kind
I’m doing well, glad to see you here tonight!
Beach_Girl: Hello, always good seeing your comments and brightness here!
Rachel: Hello there, I sent you an email, if you didn’t get it here’s mine you may contact me at just in case: stephan@infostreamgroup.com – always a pleasure seeing your comments and warmth here as well!
Wow busy day on the blog. Still working through the post …
Cheating_SD says: SincereSD, you’re absolutely right. It’s just hard to see absolutely beautiful SBs on the site and not want to give them a try too.
CSD, of course you can resist … but if that’s what you’re into and the SB doesn’t mind, then all the power to you bro. Just don’t give us “LT” SD a bad rap. Be careful as there are a lot of drama queens and some unstable drama queens out there. Read the accounts of my knife wheedling ex and RSD’s drugged up duo.
TXSB says: I totally understand what your previous was feeling. I’ve been backstabbed before by female “friends” when it comes to men I’m dating..(in fact, one was my best friend at one point.
TXSB, she was even jealous of her roommate. I couldn’t even come over to chill as her roomie would lounge around in bra and panties.
Beach_Girl*395953 says: Sincere~ you said you had a SB here in MTL, may I ask how long it lasted? I know it was probably costly to have a SB far away, but don’t you come here for work?
BG, my Mtl relationship lasted 7 months. Mtl seems to be a haven for young hot party girls so I imagine it’s tough to be a SB there with so much competition. I understand that escorts are widely available at very low rates and it became a major sex trade center when the canadian dollar was low.
As for expenses, I did travel to Mtl once a month so the other 3 trips were out of pocket. Besides how do I expense a $500/night shag suite at the Nellie?
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl? Did you join SA before or after you met them? Do they know?
I am not married, seperated from my very soon to be X
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not?
I’d like to know, so I know where I stand with him. It would let me know what to expect also in terms of how much time we could have together.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
NO, half the men (?) are married and are cheating on their wives. I’d like to think I could find someone who would at least be honest with me if they felt they needed/wanted more than one SB.
Rachel- Did you ever see that movie City of Angels with Meg Ryan and Nick Cage? Its the movie where he (NIck Cage) is an Angel, who wants to become human, later in the movie he becomes a human, but he can still sense other Angles even though he can’t seem them, he just knows they are there. I had that moment with Stephan,
Stephan- Nice to have you grace us with your presence.
interesting read bellow… that Elin is a smart woman
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Elin and Tiger Woods Prenuptial Agreement Being Revised
Tiger Woods has come clean and admitted he cheated on his wife, Elin Woods. As Woods was quite clear at saying he wanted privacy for himself and his family, one might assume that would be the end of the story. Instead, however, comes the news that Elin Woods (Nordegren) is revising their prenuptial agreement.
While according to reports Elin Woods is not going to be moving out anytime soon, she is taking a hard look at the Tiger Woods prenuptial agreement that the couple agreed upon when they were married. Reportedly, she is receiving a seven-figure stipend that is transferred into an account she has sole control over. That stipend is given to her if she stays with Woods.
The source consulted by the Chicago Sun-Times notes that Elin Woods is a smart woman, and it working to get changes to the prenuptial agreement between herself and Tiger Woods. Those prenuptial changes will, according to their source, give his wife additional financial incentives to stay with the world’s greatest golfer.
The current Tiger Woods prenuptial agreement would, if the couple stayed married 10 years, allow Elin Woods to collect $20 million. To be honest, that seems rather on the low side. According to the Sun-Times’ sources, that time is being reduced substantially, and the dollar amount has been increased substantially.
Finally, in addition to all this renegotiation over Elin and Tiger Woods’ prenuptial agreement, the two are undergoing “intense marriage counseling.” It is unclear when the counseling began, but it apparently involves a counselor who has been conducting sessions with the couple several times a day.
Hi Everyone! Busy evening here on the blog….
Ok… so we’ve touched base today on many different topics…. Anyone have any fun plans for this weekend?
I think I will put my tree up and get to decorating it. It’s one of my fav things to do. My fam has a tradition… every xmas eve you get 1 ornament. This tradition still goes on today… but it’s cool because EVERYTHING on my tree has sentimental value so when I look at it I think of my brother in Virginia or my parents and younger siblings in Florida. Some of them are things we made as kids… those are the best!
Things I’m not looking forward to… holiday shopping…. I NEVER know what to get people! I mean what’s cool for a 21 yr old brother? Little sister will get coach again, hopefully this time it won’t get stolen!
And of course I’ll have to get something for myself…. perhaps a car starter seeing it’s FREEZING here!
TexasSD – Great movie!
ESB – This is my first time seeing you here. Where are you from (roughly)? Have you done the sb/sd relationship in the past? I’ve been on the blog for a while, and on SA for the past few months. Hoping for a SD for Christmas
CASB:
Thank you! Believe me, I’m very aware of just how lucky I am to have found him…
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RealisticSD:
BTW, check your e-mail when you get a chance.
Sorry about the dinner “convo”…
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SincereSD:
I don’t blame your SB! If my roomie lounged around in bra/panty while a man I am involved with (whether its my SD, or a BF) was over….then I would ban my man from coming over too! I can’t believe her roomie has that much lack of respect for herself….let alone her roommate.
TexaSD…. great movie… but I’m laughing at your analogy!
Realistic, my point in saying that the guy was a virgin and thought his fiancee was, was that she wasn’t and she knew she had herpes. He had no clue until he had his first outbreak. That’s a really lousy way to find out you’ve been lied to.
Those prenuptial changes will, according to their source, give his wife additional financial incentives to stay with the world’s greatest golfer….
Not a real marriage anymore if that is true… which is kind of sad… i would say, don’t pretend and just get divorced, Will any woman really love him, or is he just walking dollar signs? That actually makes me feel real bad…
TXSB- How are you?
Midwest- Ya i thought it was pretty good, I even remembering paying to see it with friends lol (that speaks volume for a young guy lol)
Hi TXSB!
Rachel – That’s a great tradition! We’re not much on traditions in my family as everyone is a bit scattered. The one tradition we have is a Polish Christmas…no turkey. We make traditional homemade perogis, polish sausage, and other polish goodies!
I WISH I could have a remote starter…they won’t work on my car as it’s not fuel injected
Rachel- Lol its the best thing I can think of, in a way he is kind of like it, trying to clean up anything that could be seen as un-necessary. oh well, I thought it was pretty good analogy lol.
It was a great analogy. That’s why I was laughing.
TXSB- I don’t see much difference between bra/panties, and a full bikini, to me, its about the same, heck, most bra/panties now a days cover up more than most bikinis lol
TXSB – here, here on the roommate in her bra/panties. It’s more about the lack of respect than the fact she is showing that much skin to my sd/bf.
Hi, All -
I am new to the site.
Are you married or currently seeing someone outside of the Sugarbowl?I am single although have had one very nice SD/SB relationship.
Do you prefer not to know if your potential sugar is in a relationship/married? Why or why not? I prefer married SDs – particularly if they are in a cold or non-physical kind of marriage. I would only ask that my SD keep me updated in regards to any changes in his marriage, as I would not want to hinder any attempts at mending his marriage.
Do you think feeling ‘cheated on’ is less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not? My SD wanted an exclusive relationship, but continued to troll the SA site, and lied to me about it. I believe him when he says that he was not pursuing other SBs – but that does not negate the fact that that is exactly the path he was following and also – seriously – the trust was gone for me. I am honest and sincere, even forthcoming and expect the same in any adult relationship. Why would I want to lose my self-respect in exchange for an arrangement? That is just not me.
Midwest – I LOOOOOOOOVE perogis! When I was younger I dated a guy from poland…. his family made all these amazing dishes! My fav was the perogis though.
My first time cooking them was hilarious…. I like spices so… I put a lil oil in a pan, sprinkled garlic salt and Mrs Dash over the cheese and potato perogis and YUMMMM. I was told that I can’t do that in front of his parents.
My family is scattered, I’m in New England and the rest of my family is in the south, it’s just nice to see pieces of everyone in my home on my tree…
Tiger Woods wife will be crying all the way to the bank. That is one of the reasons the SB/SD relationship is good for both parties involved. The allowance certainly helps with any feelings of resentment an SB may have that she will most likely not wind up with her sugar daddy
MIdwest: This is my first time seeing you here. Where are you from (roughly)? Have you done the sb/sd relationship in the past? I’ve been on the blog for a while, and on SA for the past few months. Hoping for a SD for Christmas
I’ve been on SA for a few months, been reading but started posting this week. I had a LTR, 10 years, with a married man. What I got out of it was “I’ll call you wen I call you” & “You’ll see me when I can make it” I finaly got sick of the BS, and told him where to go. I have been struggling finacially the whole time we were seeing each other, and he never once even tried to help me. I admit it was my fault for putting up with him for as long as I did. I was hopelessly in love with him. Learned my lesson. If I’m going to go through that again, I’m getting something out of it. I’m almost single, 2 more months, so if my SD turns out to be more, that will be wonderful, but if not, I’m good with that too… I too am hoping for a SD for Christmas.
The roommate thing…. I walk around in my undies… so does my roommate (tank and bottoms). However, I would NEVER do that with her boyfriend or ANYONE in the house. It is most definitely a matter of respect. the roommate probably has low self esteem issues and was trying to validate herself in some weird way.
Rachel, my parents give my kids an ornament every year for Christmas. I have a box for each child for their ornament. When they get married, or move out, they will take their box with them, but Mom says she will continue to buy them ornaments. I think it’s great and plan on doing that with my grandkids some day… way off in the future of course!
Rachel- See, now i might want to know this, 1 you have any pics lol… but really, if you won’t walk around like that when he is around, would you let him see you wear a bikini?
Rachel – come join us for perogis! We have cheese, potato and cabbage usually. There’s usually a contest among the men to see who can eat the most! Then the immediate family meets for Christmas breakfast with sauteed perogis, sausage gravy w/biscuits and eggs.
Bummer about the married bf…he did show you what SDs are NOT like. The gentlemen on the blog are full of valuable information.
Welcome Second Timer.
ahhhhhh ha! TexaSD making a valid point. This may be just how I am, but…. I feel like I’m wearing underwear when I’m wearing underwear and a bikini when in a bikini. it’s a different frame of mind for me. Bikini feels like clothing to me (in my mind). Underwear is more of a personal thing.
hard to explain, but that’s the best I can do.
Any other ladies feel that way?
Pics… hmmm…. my roommate’s boyfriend is downstairs… let me ask him to take a couple…. LOLOL… KIDDING!
**Midwest – we both are wishing for the same
here’s a lil song for ya:
*singing* “All I wants for Christmas is a nice SD, a sweet SD, a fun SD. All I want for Christmas is a great SD… So I can wish him Merry Christmas” (but why are chipmunks singing it? Should be a collage of SB)
* EasternSure…. It is a wonderful tradition and GIFT. I took my box when I moved out. Didn’t look at it till xmas, opening that box and putting it out for the first time was a rush of memories. I’m glad people do this!
Hi Midwest!
————————————————-
TexaSD:
I 2nd Midwest. It’s not necessarily about the amount of skin…but about respect. If girlA has her “man” over…..no reason for girlB to lounge around inside the apartment in a bra/panty…OR in a swimsuit.
Maybe she rigged the house with Sun lamps and was trying to catch a tan! LOL! TXSB I agree!
Ok Sugars, I have to head out for a bit, my friends birthday dinner lol… take care, If none of you are online when I am back
I have a question. I received an email from a guy today who seemed very interested, but one thing bothers me. In his email he said he was married, but his profile says divorced….hmmmmm.
Rachel – LOL!!! Great song!
I’m off too! Tonight’s excitement has worn me out early.
Sugar dreams!
Anyway, my question is this, how concerned should I be? How big of a red flag is this?
awww
Have you ever been cheated on? Is being ‘cheated on’ less of a risk for you in Sugarland? Why or why not?
No I have never been cheated on..in fact, I’ve only had 1 boyfriend in my whole life im only 20. In the “sugar land” I don’t think id be cheated on because…my sugar daddy wouldn’t be my boyfriend..if he was than thats’ another story >.<
Should it be a red flag at all?
Good night SB/SD.. time to dream of the life I shoud be living! HA!! Hope you all have a wonderful evening!!
Almost gone…
AM – could he be separated? Do you feel comfortable asking him to clarify?
Ok…goodnight!
Anna Molly, my guess is that his profile says divorced so he’ll show up in more searches. He did tell you right up front.
Frankly, I always assume that a man is married, no matter what he says, until there is verifiable proof otherwise.
Anna Molly… I’d be concerned… that spells out drama to me…. OR… I’ll teach you one of my words…. BRAMA…. Brama is BIG DRAMA… drop the I G D = brama.
There is something lurking there. He’s probably lying on his profile so women will contact him. Ask him about the discrepancy
People are dropping out early tonight. Good night to all those who have left us for the evening.
Anna Molly- I was contacted by a man whose profile said separated and when I met him he said he was happily married and his wife knew about his SBs. I did not ask him why his profile said separated but I assumed it was because, as someone else said, he shows up in more searches and would not turn off the SBs that do not want to be with a married man. So in essence he was lying in his profile but honest in real life but it still bothered me. I sort of made it clear at the get go that I wasn’t bothered by being with a married SD. But I wonder if he was contacted by an SB that was bothered by it- if he would then lie.
These days I kind of assume most of them ARE married or at the very least have another SB or girlfriend as well. Of course there are ways to find out should you want to put that much effort into it.
Anna Molly, I’d ask him why the discrepancy in terms of being married or divorced. He may have a complicated answer that you’d find satisfying. I don’t see the point of obvious lies.
Rachel:
LOL @ sun lamps!
—————————————-
Anna:
Personally, I would be concerned enough to not consider him as a pot. I had one pot contact me during my search….his profile said “separated”. But once we started talking….it was pretty clear that he was still married (his limited schedule availability due to living with his wife was a major giveway among other things). He may have a “valid reason” for choosing “divorced”(ie. so he can show up on more searches)…..but it’s still a lie if he’s married. And personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with a lie that big (no matter what a good excuse he can give me for it).
I guess it never crossed my mind not to put married. Anyways, my profile has been hidden for a long long time, so I would do the searching and not have to worry about whether I’d show up in searches. And for the past two months, I have not had to do any searching either
OK, a serious question–has anyone had a wife find out about an SB?
My wife’s lecture tonight was kind of pointed and made me wonder if she suspects something. I have been extra careful not to leave any hints and to go about things exactly as before, as change is always the best give-away that there is an affair. It suddenly makes me paranoid about key-loggers, GPS trackers, checking credit reports for secret credit cards, etc.
I always wonder if my SBs will be super-paranoid when they’re married, always on top of the money trail and knowing every trick in the book of deceiving wives.
RealisticSD says:
And for the past two months, I have not had to do any searching either
Awwwww…… *HUG*
Realistic, if you go to Kim Komando’s web site, she has a program available that you can run to find out if a keylogger has been installed on your computer. I don’t know what this program is called or even where on her site to find it, but she mentioned it specifically on one of her Saturday radio shows.
Your wife might be suspicious or she might just be paranoid. One of her friends may have confided that her own husband could be cheating and that has gotten your wife wondering. Or your wife may simply have wanted to use Tiger to make the point that she isn’t going to be the one to lose her seat on the gravy train should you decide to share yourself.
The one piece of advice that I would give you, one that I’ve heard over and over through the years, is this: If your wife won’t go to marriage counseling, then you go alone. You can’t change her, and without her willing cooperation you can’t change your marriage. But counseling will help you learn to deal with her and react to her in more productive ways. I
Thanks for the input everyone
One more thing and this is concerning my NYC pot. He wants me to come to the city next Thursday and spend the night. I’m not going to do that without an arrangement in place. What should I do? What should I say to him? We’ve had two dates and he hasn’t brought up an arrangement. How do I approach him with this? I’ve never gotten this far before and I’m very nervous….eeek!
That’s exactly what you tell him, Anna Molly – that you’re looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement, and without an arrangement in place there will be no overnights and no physical intimacy.
Anna Molly, I ditto Just Dee in NC.
Just Dee, I do appreciate the advice and insight. I never gave solo counseling much thought, but it’s a good idea.
RealisticSD:
I’ve had male friends who I know cheated on their wives…I’ve been cheated on before by ex-BFs. I think I’ve become jaded about marriage. Yet, I do want a husband someday b/c I want children…and I believe kids need both the mom and dad there (plus due to my cultural background, me having biological children out of wedlock is absolutely out of the question).
I don’t believe in the whole “falling in love” thing anymore. I want to marry someone who’s compatible. I want someone who will become a great friend. Who will make a good husband by providing for me and the children. Who will be a good father to my children and always be there for them. I’m looking for more of a “life partner” in a man who will bear the title “husband”. If he chooses to cheat on me….it will defiantely hurt me….BUT as long as he plays the role of “husband” and is a good father…..I won’t leave him.
Should I be that blunt about it?
Anna Molly: why not tell him you’re not available thursday but you will be in the city to see friends Tuesday night and you’re staying over and would like to see him for breakfast or lunch wednesday at which point you hope the two of you can discuss more specifically what kind of arrangement you will have going forward.
Realistic, unless your kids are seniors in high school, you’ve got a LONG TIME until they’re 18. A counselor can help you retain your sanity during those years.
NYGent ~ That would be perfect, but I won’t be able to stay over on Tues. I have a Dr. appointment the next morning…ugh.
Anna Molly, I would be that blunt, but that’s my personality. If you’re uncomfortable being that blunt, then try NY Gent’s most excellent idea.
What can I say? I flunked Tact for Transplants 101 when I moved to North Carolina 20+ years ago.
But Anna, being uncomfortable to discuss the issue with him could mean that he’s the wrong SD for you, OR that you’re not comfortable with the SD/SB arrangement and maybe shouldn’t try to pursue it. It’s no different than the issues of condoms, STDs, pregnancy, and everything else we talk about. If you can’t discuss these issues with someone, you shouldn’t be intimate with them, period.
Yup, I’ve got a LOOOOOONG time to go. Unless they can skip a dozen grades at once, that is.
Realistic ~ I think counseling is a good idea.
AM: thought some of you were staying over and sharing a hotel. Whatever.
NYGent ~ Yes some are, I wish I could, trust me.
AM: then why not meet him Tuesday for lunch or late afternoon coffee and thrash out the situation in person with him. I always find it easier to discuss the situation when one can look the other in the eye and say, “So . . . what’s next?”
Just Dee in NC says:
But Anna, being uncomfortable to discuss the issue with him could mean that he’s the wrong SD for you, OR that you’re not comfortable with the SD/SB arrangement and maybe shouldn’t try to pursue it. It’s no different than the issues of condoms, STDs, pregnancy, and everything else we talk about. If you can’t discuss these issues with someone, you shouldn’t be intimate with them, period.
I agree with every single word you wrote Dee.
Just Dee said, “If you can’t discuss these issues with someone, you shouldn’t be intimate with them, period.” Just Dee is right. I have been in situations where the communication with an SB was sub-optimal, and I chose not to get intimate with them because I knew we didn’t have the right comfort level. It is hard to tell a young, attractive woman you don’t want to sleep with her though. Maybe for women it’s easier.
Anna:
This NYC pot is not the same pot that “poofed” earlier right? I think you mentioned it yesterday……Is this a totally different guy?
AM: the guy may not have bad intentions, just wrong intentions from your standpoint. I think a lot of otherwise well meaning SDs start out not realizing how important the arrangement is to the SB and how anathema the test drive concept is. They just need to be set right, which requires a convo (whether in person, preferably, or by email, next best). If after that they say this is not for them, then so be it. Most people do not willingly surrender power if not forced to, and an SD agreeing to an arrangement before intimacy is, to some extent, a surrender of power, at least temporarily, but it has to be done.
good evening sugars!
Cleo:
Hi!!
Hi, Cleo!
i see i missed most of you…
how are you dee and txsb?
Cleo:
I think I scared everyone….*sniffs self* I didn’t think I smelled THAT bad. *pout*
I’m good Cleo…it’s frigging COLD here…..1 cat is napping in my lap. How’re you tonight?
TXSB: i’m pretty good actually, life is perking up slightly business wise and i think i have some good ideas… otherwise nothing new. you?
neither of my cats are in here…
Cleo:
That’s great to hear about your business! Not much w/ me….looking forward to bday dinner tomorrow night w/ SD…..I hearts the cats sneezing a few times today so that concerns me.
Your cats leave you alone? Mine follow me room to room….if I don’t kick them out, they even follow me in the bathroom!
Curses! Can’t sleep and nothing to snuggle up to
Hi Cleo and TXSB
Evening Sugarworld. A lot of posts since I left last night!
Hi Midwest
Txsb mine are what’s called “cat’s cats” they play and fight with each other, hang out alone a lot and otherwise come for some but not too much attention. they’re lovely and affectionate but not hmm… not… needy.
snbsd: some people catch up, some people skip. i say hi and then catch up
hi
TX!! Happy birthday!
Hi Cleo
Hi TX! Another busy evening?
TXSB – Yeah! it’s officially your birthday!!!
“This is your birthday song
It isn’t very long”
(That’s it)
Hey Midwest, snb!!
Dee:
LOL….30 more minutes here until midnight….I know my parents are going to call so no point in even trying to sleep 
Thanks!
Midwest:
LOL….thank you!!!
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Cleo:
I envy you. Mine are needy. *sigh*
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snbsd:
Yep. How was your day?
Hi snbsd! You have some of us wondering what the snd stands for.
So someone asked yesterday what SNB stood for. Stable N Bored. Kinda describes life right now. I guess that’s why I’m here, huh?
The SD part was also for San Diego where I reside. Of course, Sugar Daddy also applies.
Happy Birthday TXSB!!!
It’s a good icebreaker! You could be here for many reasons. Care to share?
Good day – work was invigorating, bills are paid, and I am going to Vegas this weekend. What more could I ask for?
Birthday Texas? Hope it was a good one! Did you get a cake?
snb: that’s funny, i feel the same way… only i’m a sb
Stephan:
Thank you!!
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snbsd:
No cake….just dinner plans.
Ah…I was wondering what it stood for…..although I must say when typing, I mix up you and SDN for some reason. LOL…..my bday is on the 3rd (20 more minutes to go in Texas but I guess it’s already midnight in other parts).
SNBSD, what else could you ask for? Why, a perfectly lovely SB, of course. And we have quite an assortment for your perusal.
So Ladies,
Let me ask you a question. I can write, but I am not used to writing about myself, nor really used to “selling” myself through a profile. What are you looking for when you get an email saying hello from a POTSD that makes you want to either write back or ignore it? And I am guessing you go to their profile. What do you look for there? Just curious. (I have a yearning for learning!) THX
Stephan:
So what’re your holiday plans? We’ve been talking about lots of travelling here on the blog lately b/t the 2 “meet ups” and other random travelling. Do you have any travel plans anytime soon?
Rachel – after reading a few of your posts and a few others I had that song stuck in my head “All I want for Christmas…” too funny right after that it was right there!…as far as the bra/bathing suit debate – I have to agree – bras and panties are a bit different (at least in a woman’s mind I think lol)…
Realistic – I know from experience – an ex of mine that did not trust me and confessed he put a key logger on my comp when we first met (nice huh??? So much for trust and honesty from the get-go **shakes head**) Anyhow – my point is – key loggers are VERY easy to access (a lot for FREE online!) and install…so be careful…and make sure you are using protection lol not the way most of this blog has been going today kind of protection – but I do think a really good antivirus software would catch most…and to ease your mind you could always bring it in and have it checked
I agree with Dee (and did not know about that site at all!) but also with counseling – if YOU go yourself where she was unwilling to – if shit DOES in fact one day hit the fan – you have that to back YOU up saying that YOU were willing to give it every effort…JMHO after going through a divorce and custody myself.
Anna – I would simply tell him that without an existing arrangement you would not feel right about spending the night. On second thought – just saw NYGent’s post – and that is a fabulous idea!
TXSB – I echo your thoughts on marriage and love…you are a bit younger than me – consider yourself lucky you have figured it out at this point!…and happy birthday
SNBSD – great name
not sure if I said so yet – so welcome 
(and YES all the best sb’s are on the blog 
)
Ok I am back, TXSB, your bday is tomorrow right, and then after that is Photo’s?
snbsd – The profiles that I find intriguing are the ones that show you understand the nature of the sb/sd relationship (Mutually beneficial, no suggestions of pay for play, no test drives, etc) and that share some specific personal activities that you enjoy. I have overlooked short profiles when I get an e-mail that is genuinely complimentary, mentions something I put in my profile and he states what he thinks would be a common interest.
SNBSD – for me honesty and respect are key – most important is truthful (how else can you expect to have a quality arrangement?)…and to have even a LITTLE content is nice – although I am realizing some of the greatest pots I spoke to (didn’t work out b/c of distance..story of my sugar life **pouts** even though I would LOVE to travel) had almost NOTHING in their profiles – which is a shame. I am not good about writing about myself either – makes me wish they had an option to answer a bunch of questions rather than write an essay
Good evening TexaSD
snbsd: i tend to know that men are often not so good at talking about themselves so i look for various things. if the email is okay but the picture is hot. if the email is amazing but the profile is brief. if the profile is great and the email is okay… it’s kind of a sliding scale depending on a lot of things including my state of whimsy at that moment.
if you don’t have a picture you need a better profile than if you do.
your email should indicate that you have read my profile, mention something you like about me/it other than how hot my whatever is and ask me something. not too long but more than a sentence (although i often answer ones that are a sentence long.)
Taz- Hi, how you been?
Thank you MidwestSB! That is helpful. Being new here I’m still finding my way, and I only emailed one person that I was curious about and she didn’t email back. I’m guessing that happens pretty often in general.
SNBSD:
When I visited SD profiles, one thing I would look for is basic grammar. I can’t tell you how many profiles I read where the man was supposedly a “lawyer”, or a “CEO” etc….and yet the profile had so many grammar and spelling mistakes that it looked like it was written by a 14 year old! I don’t expect it to be perfect….but the profile should look like it was written by a educated adult.
As for information, I would look for basics in hobbies/activities he enjoys…such as concerts, museums, sports etc….what he likes to do with his free time. And at the bottom….I looked for what he’s looking for in a SB…as in what type of arrangement. I hated profiles that said “let’s discuss” or stupid one liners like that. I looked for details that showed me that he actually thought about this.
I didn’t like profiles that were so “casual” that it looked like a college student wrote it looking for a “date”….on the flip side, some profiles are so formal that it looks like a college professor wrote it. Just something in between that showed me that the man is educated, is capable of communicating (ie. write what activities he enjoys…maybe a little about his background without revealing too much etc)….and also a clear description of what he’s looking for in SB to show me that he knows what this site is about and what’s expected of him as a SD.
Thanks Taz and Cleo!
Taz- Just click the little box and tell us all about you…. where do I sign up?
Cleo – what if the photo is obscured? Mine is as I am concerned about someone seeing me. Yes I am married and it wouldn’t go over that well (Hopefully I wouldn’t get whacked with a nine iron at 2:30 AM, but better safe than sorry don’t you think?)
SNB, one of the things I look for is something that tells me you actually read my profile and thought about it for more than 30 seconds. Something else I want to see is something that tells me about your personality, and I don’t mean in sentences like “I am smart and funny and I have a PhD in rocket science.”
Let me give you an example. I happen to be a bit of a smart-ass. I received an email from a man who listed some of his favorable characteristics, and he ended the sentence with “…and a partridge in a pear tree.” Ding ding! A man with a sense of humor! I can work with this! So I sent back a note that answered the questions he had asked (questions are good), made a couple of observations about his own profile, and then ended with something like, “Have you ever tried to get 12 leaping lords to stop chasing the milk maids long enough to shovel the poop that accumulates from all those blasted birds?”
His next response to me had something in it that again referenced the song, and this time I responded with, “Look, sweetheart, this 12 days thing is nice and I love the gold rings, but if you don’t get these birds and their mess out of the house, you’re going to be eating fricaseed french hen until Easter.”
Not everyone has a sense of humor, unfortunately, but I certainly enjoy the ones who do!
I’ve also been known to throw oddball questions back to men in emails, in an effort to shake them loose and get some kind of personality out of them.
So there you go. Don’t just send me a list of your personality traits or your likes/dislikes: SHOW me your personality through your choice of words and the topics you bring up. Show me that you read my profile and have given some thought to what it was about the profile that interests you. Ask me a question or two, and let me see that you want to know me as a PERSON and not just as a potential sex partner.
Hi TexasSD & Taz!
snbsd – We all have fussed about the lack of returned e-mails. You do have a distinct advantage in that there are more sbs than sds. Just heed the advice of the gentlemen on the blog as they have already sifted through some of the drama queens, wanna bes, etc. If you find someone interesting in the general location of one of the sds they tend to be happy to share what they know off the blog.
So TX,
Can you give me an example of a line that you think might seem appropriate that would tell you what a POTSD was “looking for” in a relationship? How blunt or up front (Honest?) might someone be and be appropriate?
Taz:
Regarding marriage…I do believe most women have a fantasy in their mind of this “husband”, and are in for a shock when they realize that it’s not reality. For me….I want a life partner who will be my friend, and who will be a good father to my children.
Thank you!
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TexaSD:
Hope your dinner was good. My bday thursday (today) and Photo’s is Friday.
snbsd: tell you what, email me through the site and i’ll give you a private profile edit… suits?
Just Dee – Those are great replies!!! I always think of the really good stuff after I hit “send”.
Well, since we are on a marriage issue, one of the reasons I want a SB, is to have a marriage type relationship, without the marriage part lol (if that makes any sense to anyone here) . If and when I get married, I don’t want to cheat, (so I figure get it out of my system now) well, I dunno, if I am not making any sense let me know lol, maybe its late, and I have had a few…
Oh, and if you ask me what I like in bed, I’m going to tell you: “An electric blanket.”
TXSB- Dinner was fine, My friends little brother turned 21, and we had it at another friends bar out in Round Rock. 2 of my friends didn’t leave alone, Then I found out some of my friends from high school got divorced and are dating each other, weird… Plus it feels like I am the only 1 who didn’t gain any weight, they said I still have the body of a 16 year old…
TexaSD: that’s what my friends with benefits was like. we skipped it all and went straight to early married sex. about the cheating thing, i know couples i believe never cheated and they have fairly elementary things in common not the least of which is an inherent fascination the one with the other.
.
JustDee: “reading”
TexasSD – I hope someday your marraige will be like a sugar relationship, BUT I don’t know that I would count a sugar relationship as a point of reference. You’ve seen the challenges of the married sds (and maybe some of your friends). From what I’ve heard, you may not leave the sugar world once you get your first good sb.
LOL, Cleo! I’ll have to remember that one.
TXSB – I also like your take on a life partner. It’s nice to be in wedded bliss, but when that passes and life takes over the partner wins again and again.
Cleo- nice!
midwest i think the same thing you do on that one