3 years ago
5 Rules For Aspiring Sugar Babies
  • Posted Aug 17, 2011
  • Views 8699
  • Written by Brandon Wade

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In the past few weeks, SeekingArrangement.com has gained a lot of media attention and coverage primarily revolving around the large number of “college” Sugar Babies who use our website as a means to fund their college education.  In fact, the Huffington Post even jumped the gun by reporting that SeekingArrangement.com was offering Sugar Babies who register with their “dot-EDU” email address a “certification status” and free premium memberships.  The announcement caught us by surprise because our “college sugar baby” certification feature was yet to be launched, and was supposed to be top secret!  Today, I am pleased to announce that this feature is finally active and available to all our Sugar Baby members.

College Sugar Baby Certification:  To be certified as a Sugar Baby, and to receive full premium benefits, simply join (or change your email via the Accounts Menu) using the dot-EDU email address provided by your College or University.   To maintain your certification and premium status, you will need to keep using your dot-EDU email address.

The College Sugar Baby certification is similar to our Diamond Club certification (for Sugar Daddies), in that certain qualities about the members are verified.  In the case of a Diamond Club Sugar Daddy, you know he has the wealth or income he claims, and you may be assured that he has agreed to treat every sugar baby he meets on the site with respect.  In the case of a College Sugar Baby, you know he or she is currently enrolled or is associated with an accredited college.

While I hope our College Sugar Baby certification feature will attract more college students to join SeekingArrangement.com, I am somewhat concerned that new Sugar Baby wannabes may not know what it truly means to be a Sugar Baby or how to conduct themselves.   So when SheKnows.com invited me to tell them what top 5 tips I would suggest to Sugar Babies wannabes, I jumped at the opportunity.  Here is an excerpt from the article:

BRANDON WADE’S TOP FIVE RULES FOR SUGAR BABIES

  “Don’t Forget How Hot and How Fun You Are!”

Wade says: “Being a Sugar Baby is an opportunity to be a different kind of ‘you.’ Before starting your sugar journey, it’s wise to get to know your sugar-self. While this might sound a little vague, it’s actually quite simple. As a Sugar Baby, you are undoubtedly hot, unquestionably fun, and endlessly intriguing. In your everyday life, you might not think of yourself to be such a jewel while you’re doing dishes that your roommates left for you, but as a Sugar Baby, every imperfection is part of your perfection, and if you can’t convince yourself of that, you’ll definitely need to learn how to in order to have a successful sugar life. And of course, always think of ways to add value to the lives of those around you, especially your Sugar Daddy’s.”

 ”Don’t Skip a Beat When You’re Given a Treat”

Wade says: “As a Sugar Baby, you’re the beneficiary in financially compensated relationships with men who, by virtue of their being Sugar Daddies, should have no problem whatsoever with providing the benefits you seek. You may have been brought up to resist being spoiled or pampered and taught that the only time you can be given a gift is when you’ve worked for it. You might find that when presented with a very expensive gift or a large sum of money, you feel anxious and even guilty about accepting it. However, as a Sugar Baby, you must realize that part of your ‘role’ in an arrangement is to graciously accept the benefits from your sugar daddy. A Sugar Daddy wouldn’t be one if he couldn’t handle the idea of having a gorgeous, younger companion as his arm candy and special someone. In the same sense, a sugar baby wouldn’t be a Sugar Baby if she’s not comfortable with being given the finer things in life without having to work her butt off for it.”

 ”Keep Your Emotions (and Expectations) in Sugar-Check”

Wade says: “Don’t forget that as a sugar baby, part of what you offer is a drama-free, simple and fun experience whenever you are with your Sugar Daddy. One of the main reasons Sugar Daddies seek Sugar Babies is to find someone to help them take the stress away. Keep your emotional expectations in check. Don’t slip into being emotionally dependent on your Sugar Daddy who isn’t ready for a long-term commitment. Of course, this isn’t always easy, especially if your Sugar Daddy slips up and drops the ‘L’ (love) bomb on you after a night of one too many drinks or if he’s just too irresistibly good in bed.”

 ”Be Brutally Honest”

Wade says: “The best Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationships form out of brutal honesty. Honesty allows both people to know exactly what they are getting into, what to expect from the other person and what may be expected of them. There shouldn’t be any beating around the bush here. So as you are filling out your online profile, be sure to write about all your positive qualities as well as your negative ones. If you snore at night or if you are addicted to shopping, say so. While they may not all be positive qualities, there will always be someone out there who will accept you for who you are.”

 ”Always Be On Your Guard”

Wade says: “The real world can be a scary place, so while you are searching for a Sugar Daddy, always remember there are bad apples among the good. When using an online Sugar Dating website, such as SeekingArrangement.com or any other public forum, remember to be careful and to verify all potential Sugar Daddies you may or may not meet. On SeekingArrangement.com, some members have been verified and certified, but for those who aren’t certified, the responsibilities fall on the Sugar Baby to check and double check that a potential Sugar Daddy is telling the truth. ”

Do you agree or disagree with the top 5 rules?

Are there any other tips or rules you would suggest?

191 Responses to “5 Rules For Aspiring Sugar Babies”

  1. SA Moderator Team says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

  2. Tanya says:

    I am glad this topic came about. There seems to be so many new sb’s who do not fit the traditional meaning. I prefer the traditional to the new p4p concept. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that there are all these men out there saying they are sd’s but are just looking for the students willing to make a quick buck. I have a preferred acct, or whatever you want to call it, and now that all these other girls will also be ‘orange highlighted’ men will assume I am one of those girls.

    Oh well, more weeding for me I guess. Hope that one of the 4 sugars I am meeting today and tomorrow is more than a “Well it was nice to meet you and good luck!” kind of things. Sigh

  3. Tanya says:

    Correction: I am not meaning p4p is a new concept, but that is what most newbs think the sugar world is all about.

    oh and I was first :) hehe

  4. Enigma SD says:

    I half-disagree with number 1 – sure remember how fun you are, but women who act/know they are hot is a huge turn-off to me.
    Number 2 – completely disagree – are we encouraging a sense of entitlement?
    Number 3 – completely agree
    Number 4 – agree 100% and this is the biggest issue I found when sugar dating — just be honest!
    Number 5 – safety is always extremely important on any dating site… even match or eharmony

    SD Guru – to answer your question, she was my waitress at a restaurant. I had stopped for lunch mid-afternoon and we started talking. She gave me her email address which set off some alarms. We met for lunch a few weeks later and she told me she was married but looking to get a divorce when she was more stable financially. We get together about once a week. I share your concern about an emotional connection but there is a 20 year age difference, so that makes me less concerned.

  5. Stormcat says:

    Rule 1 – I agree with enigma on this one. While it is good to have a healthy sense of self esteem, arrogance is definitely a turnoff!
    Rule 2 – Wade is totally hypocritical here. He promotes the ideal that anyone can be an SD at some level then makes it seem like it’s a matter of insignificance when the SD makes gifts. For true SD’s those gifts are a sacrifice given out as a reflection of real caring and can even reflect some level of giving up something on the part of the SD. An SB should accept the gift with grace and gratitude, thereby acknowledging the intent and effort.
    Rule 3 – This as I have sadly learned goes both ways! It is tempting to imagine having the wonder of sugar as a constant diet. But the reality is that most often a constant diet of sugar makes it no longer special and the wonder rapidly fades.
    Rule 4 – Honest communication, including expression of your not too well thought out hopes and concerns, as well as your fears and expectations is the only way to succeed in sugarland. However, the concept of brutal honest seems to me more like drama. I prefer a milder more diplomatic approach. My point is that you need to communicate in the way that you best communicate and not try to press the issue in some artificial aggressive style that will make you appear artificial or overly dramatic. There is much to be said for peace in sugarland.
    Rule 5 – I second Inigma on this.

    One more general thought: It seems that these rules are only directed toward aspiring SBs. My experience is that SBs are pretty naturally SBs and that, if I believe the stories posted here, it is more often the case that aspiring SD’s are the ones who need to be taught about how to behave in a sugar arrangement.

  6. Sammy says:

    After countless emails from SD trying to meet me I have finally decided to do my first meet with a really nice guy I have been communcating with for a few months. It’s really not easy finding the right person u click or who clicks with you.

    I totally agree with number 1 you just have to be yourself, there are lots of beautiful young girls out there but it’s just about been yourself and showing how unique you are in your own way. Even though money is involved in these arrangments you still have to know your worth and not hook up with the first guy that throws money your way. One thing I have also learned over the years as I am not 20 anymore lol I am now 29 so I have experienced alot of BS……its really not about how much money the guy has or how much he is worth its all about how much he is willing to spend on his Sugar babe, some guys make way less but have no problem flashing the funds while others make tons and just so limited with what they choose to spend.

    Any tips from all you experienced sugar chica’s on my first meet….? I have not been on this site for long so any tips would be great! Re: my safety……we are planning to meet for dinner and if we click set a date for our first weekend together……

  7. SD Guru says:

    I agree with all 5 rules, but let me add my caveats and explain:

    Rule #1 – I especially like this part: “always think of ways to add value to the lives of those around you, especially your sugar daddy’s.” The point is that being a SB is a state of mind or a persona which is not necessarily the same as what the SB is like in her everyday life. This is similar to the concept Midwest SB described in this comment. Of course if it’s taken too far it can be perceived as arrogance but I don’t think that’s the intent.

    Rule #2“as a sugar baby, you must realize that part of your ‘role’ in an arrangement is to graciously accept the benefits from your sugar daddy.” We’ve seen too many SB’s say they don’t know how to ask pot SD’s for what they seek and fret about discussing the arrangement. And some SD’s do take advantage of that reluctance and not deliver on what they promised. This is a way to let SB’s know that receiving benefits is an integral and natural part of sugar dating and they should not feel bad about it. Again, if it’s taken too far it could be perceived as an entitlement attitude but I don’t think that’s the intent.

    Rule #3 “Don’t forget that as a sugar baby, part of what you offer is a drama-free, simple and fun experience. Some SB’s still treat sugar dating like regular dating and don’t think twice about being flaky and behave like a drama queen. That’s a big no no in the sugar world.

    Rule #4Honesty allows both people to know exactly what they are getting into, what to expect from the other person and what may be expected of them. IMO this is one of the key differences between sugar dating and regular dating. One can still be brutally honest while being diplomatic and tactful, but being honest with each other can reduce the posturing, guessing, and game playing that’s common in regular dating.

    Rule #5while you are searching for a sugar daddy, always remember there are bad apples among the good. Again, we’ve seen too many stories from SB’s who got themselves into situations that they regret. Whether they were naive, too trusting, or failed to use common sense, it shouldn’t take much effort to steer clear of the bad apples. But sadly sometimes they can only learn from their own experience.

    @Stormcat
    My experience is that SBs are pretty naturally SBs… it is more often the case that aspiring SD’s are the ones who need to be taught about how to behave in a sugar arrangement.

    Some women are naturally SB’s just like some men are naturally SD’s. I agree aspiring SD’s also need to be taught as well, that’s why I’ve mentioned the concept of a “sugar boot camp” before. What would be your top 5 rules for SD’s?

    @Enigma SD

    Thanks for telling me more about your affair. It seems that she took the initiative and you ran with it, which is great. I wonder if she didn’t take the initiative would you have approached her, and if so how would you do it? You said she’s looking to get a divorce when she’s more stable financially. That could potentially lead to drama down the road especially if you’re the one to help her gain financial stability. Also, 2 out of the 3 times I got emotionally involved it was despite a large age difference. So the 20 years age difference may not prevent either of you from becoming emotionally attached. Good luck and I hope you enjoy the affair to the fullest!!

  8. Stormcat says:

    SD Guru ~ At your request: My top 5 rules for SDs

    Rule #1 – Respect your SB! She is not a piece of meat! She is a beautiful feeling person with hopes and dreams. She wants to connect with you and she wants to feel your caring protective power. You can be her knight, her prince, and her king all rolled into one and your reward will be beyond your wildest imagination.

    Rule #2 – Respect yourself! Do not give up your own dreams, goals, integrity, or honor just to please this goddess before you. She will not respect you or be long in your life if you do!

    Rule #3 – Be realistic about your role in the life of the SB. She is there only temporarily in order to achieve her own purposes. You are only fooling yourself if you think she is going to fall in love with you and dedicate the rest of her life to you. Enjoy her presence while it lasts and realize there are a thousand replacements waiting in the wings.

    Rule # 4 – Use all the rules of gentlemanly conduct. Open her door, hold her chair, help her with her coat, etc. Bring well thought out gifts only you could have known to bring because you have a unique insight specifically about her. Speak impeccably, never fall to the temptation of anger motivated derogatory language. And even in the process of discontinuing the arrangement never stoop to the level of browbeating or degrading language, simply end it gracefully and move on.

    Rule #5 – Enjoy the wonderfulness of your SB! Let her know how much pleasure she contributes to your life. It will only promote more of the same. It is the essence of moving in the positive direction cascading to logarithmically accentuate that pleasure. The danger of this it that it can become very addictive and you must be on guard lest you lose yourself to her.

  9. Michael Alleycat says:

    Afternoon all!

    I won’t add my rules – there are lots of smart people on this blog who can contribute. I just reflect on SDGuru’s rules
    1. Don’t reward bad behavior
    2. Don’t ignore warning signs
    3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time
    4. Don’t let their problem become yours

    Met a new pot yesterday – more age-appropriate but I think she wants a bf, and there has been a bunch of drama in her life previously which I heard ALL about. She is cute but I may pass.

    Meeting another pot for coffee today. (Does that make her a coffee pot?) She is young but worth spending the time to meet and chat. What if she drinks tea – should I call her a teapot? lol

    Have a great one everybody!!

  10. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat ~ Yes those are definitely practical in helping an SD avoid the pain of drama, but do not really inform about appropriate behavior for an SD’s interaction with his SB. Anyway they are helpful for avoiding disappointment. But, don’t just parrot SD Guru, please do add your own rules! I always find your thoughts very helpful!

  11. Nico says:

    Wow….far more testosterone in this room than I’ve seen in a while ;-) Hello gents and thank you for your insight.

    Stormy ~ loved your five points….they were the topic of a conversation I had just today ;-) BTW, good to see you back :)

    Michael ~ I took would love to hear your rules. Love the coffee pot reference…cute ;-) As for potential drama girl….I invite you to re-read Brandon’s #3 above *hugs*

    It’s great to have so many SDs on the blog right now. There are new SDs out there using this tool to help them become better and know more how to romance their SB (combining Stormy’s rules #1 and 4).

    Thanks guys!!!

  12. Enigma SD says:

    I find that SD Guru’s rules come in handy, especially near the end of a sugar relationship. I might add to his rules, assess your relationship status with your SB by what she does, and not what she says (I guess same for assessing an SD). As SDG stated in the past, near the end of a sugar relationship, an SB will say almost anything to keep things alive.

    Stormcat — I love your rules. I think this comes under your rule #1…. just because an SD is giving an SB money it doesn’t mean that you own her or have the right to tell her how to manage her life (I hear this complaint a lot). They outlawed slavery in the US about 1.5 centuries ago :)

    SDG — I would have never approached her, because from our conversation, I felt I was being put in the “friend zone.” Even up to the point of meeting for lunch, I thought that way. But at our first lunch meeting, she was so nervous she was visibly trembling. At that point, I knew this was more than friends. She also revealed at that time she was married (she doesn’t wear a ring), but I had suspected that because she gave me her email address instead of her cell #. She hasn’t asked me for anything yet, but I did help her get a better waitress job at an upscale restaurant. I am not naive enough to think that she won’t lean on me for financial assistance in the future. I will keep you posted and let you know how we keep the emotions in check.

    Nico — always a pleasure to see you here, and thanks for bringing down the testosterone levels!

  13. RC msb says:

    My rules for being a sugar baby, Hmmm?

    Let’s try…

    1. Always look him in the eye and smile by default.

    2. Show interest in him and what he does, few things are sexier.

    3. Don’t show him your’s unless he shows you his (I’m sure you know what I’m talking about).

    4. Don’t drop your guard a Millimeter until the Fifth meetup, even most skilled fakes will begin revealing themselves by then.

    5. Note how he treats waiters and waitresses, cause sooner or later that’s how he’ll treat you.

    6. Men can get drama for free, leave your’s at home.

    7. Actions speak louder than words. Parse one from the other and keep note of how he’s doing.

    I could probably come up with a few dozen more, but that’s a fair cross section.

  14. Michael Alleycat says:

    My rules – hmmmm….

    - know that this is not a permanent relationship, and don’t pretend it ever will be. Both parties have different motivations for getting into a sugar relationship, unlike most long-term IRL relationships where love / companionship etc are the same motivation for both parties.
    - be aware of the motivation of your SB for being in the relationship.
    - be aware of your own motivation for being in the sugar relationship – it will be different from the SB motivation.
    - communicate continually.
    - screen heavily, and be prepared to pass.
    - trust your gut instincts.
    - be prepared for the sugar relationship to blow up at any time – SBs and SDs often treat a sugar relationship as a disposable relationship, as they may perceive there is no commitment to the relationship or to the other person.
    - be really clear up front as to expectations and obligations of both parties
    - be in the moment (not in the future!) when you are with your SB. Also known as being detached.
    - any sign of trouble, drama, flakiness or trying to re-negotiate the agreement, end it. No exceptions. But make sure that you have made this clear upfront as part of the initial discussions.

    BTW my coffee-pot from yesterday was a no-show. She is txting me today, trying to re-schedule. Sorry….

    That’s my $0.02

    Alleycat

  15. Nico says:

    Wow Michael…..sorry…..you seem to have the worst of luck!! Question….I thought I remembered reading about where you’ve introduced your sb to your daughter and at times treated your girls with the possibility of it becoming ‘more’. My mind could be playing tricks on me too….

  16. Nico says:

    …sorry AND hello Enigma. Long time no see :D

  17. LASB says:

    Hi all! I’m enjoying the high concentration of recent SD postings. Thanks for sharing! It’s nice to hear the various SD perspectives.

    Rules 2 and 5 are not as easy for me. Good at keeping the drama low, showing up on time, and being fun, but find it tough walking that line of liking someone, but not liking liking them. I think I get seduced to easily. haha. Also, not sure that I agree that brutal honesty is always the way to go. I prefer to be on the understated side, and really I don’t want to know all his dirty habits. lol!

    Have a great weekend, everyone!

  18. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hey Nico – you are right, and I got burned too! Hence the rules as they stand now… ;-)

  19. Mile High Flyer says:

    I am a new SD with an experienced SB. New relationship but she is really a Ferrari and a extraordinary women.
    I thought earlier post stating remember that these arrangments are temporary was great & to live in the moment.
    How much communication is wanted by SB’s? I want to show I care without interfering in her life.
    Also since we live a distance apart we are only able to see each other a couple times a month. Is this typical?
    SD’s how do you prevent falling head over heels for a beautiful women like I’m with?

  20. SD Guru says:

    @Mile High Flyer

    Welcome to the blog!! Could you provide a bit more background info regarding your situation please, it would help us to give you better feedback. Are you married or single? What’s the age difference between you and your SB? What does the arrangement consist of, allowance only, allowance plus perks, or gift/travel? How long does each meeting last?

    For a long distance sugar relationship, meeting once or twice a month is fairly typical. It would be difficult to meet more frequent due to logistics and time constraints. You seem smitten with your SB, referring to her as a “Ferrari” and a beautiful woman. While I’m sure that’s true, I hope you’re no slouch either. :lol:

    Your fellow SD’s have come up with some great rules in this blog. Take a look and see which ones apply to your situation. Good luck!!

  21. Tanya says:

    My first meet went very well Thursday. meeting him for lunch on Wednesday. He and I both easily agreed on the terms of the arrangement which was nice. Not a guy trying to get it for free haha.

    Sugar sprinkles for everyone!

  22. texasugah says:

    Hi all.,

    After reading the College SB deal.. I was pretty done with this blog.

    It just sounds like a tacky marketing ploy.. I agree with Tanya, but certainly could be wrong. I just remember myself at that age vs now. I wonder, what in the world was I chatting men up about (I’ve always dated older men, not necessarily in a sugar relationship). Despite graduating from a top university, there’s just something to be said for experience.

    I wonder if the demographic shift will alter the site. An influx of college age sugars and the men who are seeking them.. brings more women who are younger and those men. This site could morph into one that is not productive for ladies 28+. Who knows?? I don’t use the site much, beyond the blog, so it wouldn’t affect me at all. I could be very wrong but.. I think we are seeing a shift in the site which may or may not be a good thing. I hope I’m wrong.

    Hell.. I have a .edu email address but that’s from PhD work. not from English 101. LOL

    Oh and that contract??? No one could pay me enough to do those things to another person. WEIRDO.. wow.. he needs to talk to someone about his self esteem poor baby.
    Have a great weekend all
    T

  23. Blue Skies SB says:

    @Michael Allycat… “coffee pot”……. mmmwhahahahahah!

  24. Michael Alleycat says:

    @BlueSkies – I was actually glad she was a no-show.

    I was worried that if she ordered a tea I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face, as I had the song “I’m a little teapot….” running through my brain!! :-)

  25. Pumpkin says:

    I have long been enjoying the blog. I am new to seeking an arrangement and have not been meeting with much success. Individuals have expressed interest and distance is often the mitigating factor. Met a single prospect who was flakier than a well-made puff pastry and a HUGE disappointment. Have a date on Monday evening. I am nervous and I am not sure what to expect (given my very bad first experience). Any advice would be greatly appreciated daddies and babies. Thanks in advance.

  26. Beth says:

    I was thinking about this, and thought it would be useful to give some Rules for Sugar Daddies. Theoretically, a Sugar Daddy has enough money to buy companionship and sex, but wants something that is mutual but bounded (aka drama free). These rules are about getting that.

    1) Don’t try to get sex before the third (maybe even fourth or fifth) date. There are so many reasons why this is a good idea, but the main ones are:
    a) it’s respectful
    b) girl desire is really different than guy desire. I’ll put it like this: there are a few categories I put guys I meet for the first time. 40% are “absolutely not going further.” 55% are “this has potential, I might be into him.” 5% are…”holey moley can we please go up to your hotel right right now?” I’ve found that 95% of the this has potentials end up becoming “no ways” because the guy pushes sex-right-now. Some people (who want money) go for it; but would you rather have sex with a girl who’s doing it for cash, or just wait until she’s doing it because she likes you? Think about it this way: sex with a hot young women, and money and nice things are like paralell tree trunks that bring people together on this site, they’re pretty much givens. Then there are other things: men like the energy, care-free-ness, curiosity, adoration, unstructured intelligence of younger women; women like the establishedness, intelligence, adoration, and confidence of older, sucessful men. They’re sort of like branches and leaves on a tree. The trunks are easy, the other things take time to grow. And you don’t just want a tree trunk, do you? And honestly, even for the “instant chemistry” things that I did “go for,” I really wish I’d waited because…
    c) it’s gives time for both parties to get to know eachother, set expectations, and start to like eachother. Which leads to richer relationships and less drama.
    2) Set ground rules and expectations. Communication is so key, and things like “part of the reason I’m into this is because I really like BDSM” or “I don’t want to communicate beyond short emails between meeting up, because I’ve found doing that starts to affect the quality of my relationship with my wife” are fine if they’re laid out, become problems if not. How and when to do this is a question; I’ve found the best way is incrementally.
    In order to see if there’s a fit, basic things (money, logistics, relationship type) should be laid out via email, phone conversations, and/or on the first date; [Money - ball park of how much/per date or allowance or gifts, Meet ups - frequency, duration and content - dinner-date-overnights? Seeing movies and concerts and going to clubs? Hiking and vacations? Just someone to see over lunch-hours? Relationship type (two things - your base-line; and your ideal. So someone who is single might ideally want to find a soul mate that he can travel with, take on vacations, move in with; but might be perfectly happy with a partnership with a young, attractive woman for a few months; a married guy's ideal might be just-sex and conversation, a less bounded but stylized, role-specific fantasy, or an equal, deep relationship.)]
    over the next few dates, preferably before having sex or agreeing on a specific type of support, you can begin to go in more depth or adapt those basics to meet the specific relationship. In other words, it can become about “this is what I can see working for us.”
    3)Take the lead when talking about the money. There is so much stigma attached to asking for money in this context, that even with experience, I find it really really hard to state “I’m looking for x, y, z…” Mainly because hopefully I’m doing this with someone I really actually like, and saying “so, how much are you going to give me” makes it seem like I’m just doing it for the money. So I feel like I have to explain why I want the money. (The money is important, because honestly, it’s an expression of value that stands in for…talking about emotions, saying I love yous, taking next steps, listening to me talk about my problems…which are things I don’t want right now anyways, but I’m going to be upset if I don’t feel appreciated or valued. But I’ve found that saying that having to say that dampens the mood!)
    3) Don’t be stingy. Honestly, SBs are smart. They know the average escort in Chicago makes 350 an hour, New York 500. If you want to do less than the equivalent of 350/meeting plus, she’s eventually going to start to wonder why she can better take care of herself by sleeping with men who just want sex than being taken care of by someone who is supposed to care about her.
    4) Be considerate. Even if you’re looking for something that is mainly-about-sex, doing so is pretty necessary to get someone that’s happy. Considerate can be broken down into basic day-to-day treatment, and random acts of kindness/signs of consideration. Honoring the arrangement, calling her on her birthday, asking about a job interview, taking an interest in her life and opinions. Little gifts – either thoughtful or, if you don’t have time to be thoughtful, expensive, are wonderful. If you are thinking “but don’t I already give her enough money,” you clearly don’t get the point.

  27. Beth says:

    Lol…I think all of that can be summed up in two sentences:
    1)If you treat a SB like a piece of meat, she’ll treat you like a cash pot, or exit the relationship.
    2)if you treat a SD like a cash pot, he will treat you like a piece of meat, or exit the relationship.

  28. Beth says:

    Lol…I think all of that can be summed up in two sentences:

    1)If you treat a SB like a piece of meat, she’ll treat you like a cash pot, or exit the relationship.

    2)if you treat a SD like a cash pot, he will treat you like a piece of meat, or exit the relationship.

  29. Beth says:

    By the way, good luck pumpkin!

    My advice would be

    1) Know you’re amazing in every way. Confidence glows.

    2) Figure out what you want (ideal AND what you’d settle for; financial, logistics, relationship roles, attraction) and stick to it, while leaving “I’ll think about making an exception” for overnight contemplation. I think that those are the main variables in terms of expectations, and they intersect.

    a) How much financial support do you want?

    b) Logistics are the objective parts of the relationship. Frequency, duration, contents. How often you meet. How long you spend with the other person. What you do when you meet.

    c) Relationship roles are really the subjective parts of the relationship, how you see the other person, and how he sees you, and how both of you conceptualize the relationship.

    d) What level of attraction do you need to enter a relationship? (A friend of mine – an escort – said “there’s no way you can do this if you’re, ugh, what a big belly, ugh, he’s so old. The clients are really intellegent, sucessful men, and they’re all fascinating. And so I’m attracted to them in that way and it works. And I’m also turned on by the way they treat me, and the fact that they value me, and the dynamic of the relationship. If you are attracted to people like men normally are – physically – then you hate it: because it’s basically paid rape. Same deal here. So – in short, figure out if you’re authentically into the relationship, otherwise, don’t do it!)

    3) There’s no reason to be nervous. This is an risk-free opportunity to, as wade said “explore yourself.” Re flirting, conversation topics, the way you present and describe yourself! It’s an opportunity to, really, to be your fantasy-you. What does that look like? If you think about it that way, and the guy doesn’t like you, then would you really want to be with someone who doesn’t like who you want yourself to be?

    4) I was going to give conversation topics, but it really depends on the guy. Feel out what the guy wants the date to be, and act accordingly; but you can also make it whatever you want! Main categories are:

    a) non-sugar first date (like a real-world feeling-eachother-out first date, no talk about arrangement or money yet)

    b) sugar-specific first date (pretty similar to modern orthodox jew first date – you talk about casual things – music, movies, his work, your work, politics – but you’re also both looking FOR something, so you also talk about more intimate things – what kind of an arrangement you’re looking for, what kind of a person you are, what you’d enjoy doing together, money-logistics.),

    c) 10th-date-ish-date (not a date to evaluate yes no, just for fun.)

    Ground rules are – first date is a mix of evaluating “is this a potential” as a sample of “future relationship” and as a time to discretely ask questions and have conversations that affect that. So have fun, and also ask the best two questions in the world, towards the end of the date – what were past relationships like, and what did you like and dislike about them?

    3)

  30. Pumpkin says:

    Thank you Beth. I was very confident the first time around…was completely my best self and the man was less than a gentleman in EVERY regard…so the second time around I am somewhat “shy”. I’m very attracted to intelligence.
    I like most of your contribution above, especially your number 1. One cannot over-emphasize that. We all know what it is expected to lead to, but don’t throw it in my face and try to use it as leverage, “I can’t commit until I know what you feel like.” I like to get to know a person as best I can and be comfortable, the escort mentality is so not me (that takes me out of my comfort zone…). Anyhow, will tell you my Monday date goes.
    P.S.
    Is there anything you should not share during that negotiation? I’m wondering. Last time I said all that was needed to be said and I felt vulnerable (especially because the man turned out to be so disappointing) not sure want to feel that way again (but do not want to be misrepresenting myself in any ways).

  31. Beth says:

    Pumpkin – shared in terms of?

    I’m not really good at this either!

    You know, I know exactly what you mean! I think if you say things like “I’m looking for a relationship where I feel special/taken care of/protected” or if you talk about bad relationships in the past and are looking for a white knight, it sets up for becoming too attached and being really dissapointed and vulnerable. And I sort of feel like the privledge of thinking of oneself as someone else’s care-taker needs to be won.

    I would say, keep it business-like. So “I had one relationship, which was bad. The person was disrespectful to me in a number of ways, and so it ended. Being treated in that way was upsetting; I want a relationship that is based on mutual respect, affection, care and attraction. I am a caring, generous, and I value and really enjoy non-physical aspects in my partner, and it’s important for me for that to be reciprocal. That has lead me to place extra emphasis on respect and reciprocity” “My needs are x y and z relating to college, apartment, whatever, and so I’m also looking for someone to take care of that, or take care of a large part of that.” “I’m looking for someone to learn from and who can learn from me as well, I’m looking for someone to have fun with, I’m looking for an intimate relationship where I feel comfortable with being open, caring, and generous of myself hopefully you are too.” “One thing I dislike about physical relationships is that you become quite close to someone, and often, ending the physical relationship means ending the friendship as well. So knowing that you are interested in maintaining a friendship and connection after this kind of relationship would end is important.”

    I think you can pretty much say anything if you say it in the right way, and not make yourself vulnerable.

  32. Beth says:

    And – sorry – last one, I promise! I’ve just been thinking about this a lot lately

    Think about any SD-SB relationship as an equal friendship, and the sex, romance, money is just another activity you do. I really enjoyed the last Friends with Benefits post!

    So – basically, that means

    1) equal friendship as in – you both recognise the other person as an interesting, worthwhile, intelligent person with strengths and weaknesses and blahblah…and equal. That doesn’t mean equal in a feminist kinda way. I think part of the erotic element of this for both parties can be some pretty big role playing, not just inside the bedroom but also out of it, and they can be pretty unequal. Which is awesome. (I love acting ditsy, helpless, goofy, like a party girl, carefree, whatever. And yes, the word spoil, knight in shining armour, and pamper make me cringe, but it is pretty hot). That being said, I have a problem if the SD thinks that that IS me completely. You know?

    Think about the sex, the role-playing, whatever, as a friendship activity. That doesn’t really mean that it has to be sterile or inauthentic; it’s just has to be “an activity.”

    Like, I really like cuddling up to someone and having my hair stroked and forehead kissing and being called sweetheart. And I like the sort of melty feeling I get while doing that activity. And there are some people who like that too, and are really really good at it. And yeah, when this relationship ends, I’m really going to miss the melty feeling, the hair stroking, the cuddling with that person. But I’m also able to separate missing that activity from being heart-sick and in love, and separate missing that activity from an ongoing friendship with that person.

    I guess the point here is, re the constant comments, “keep your emotions in check,” the way to do SB/SDing, is to
    1) have an underlying friendship and mutual understanding of eachother that don’t revolve around the erotic sugar dynamic.
    2) view aspects of the erotic sugar dynamic as activities you enjoy, and that do enhance your friendship connection with the partner.
    3) like everyone’s said previously, recognise that this isn’t an endless relationship.

    And if it gets out of control, like I guess it comes down to, if the friendship element is perfect, and there’s a huge stack of mutually enjoyable activities and you have no idea how you could replicate this with someone else or find a better “hand” of mutually enjoyable activities, and you start to imagine an “endless future-aka-marriage-and-babies” you really need to talk to the partner, and see if that’s something they’re interested in pursuing. In other words, this is just so great, is this something we want to ever stop?

    No is a hard answer, but it’s worth asking, and it’s way way way better to cry and eat lots of chocolates for a few months and then find a new relationship that surprise surprise, is equally great then get more deeply embedded in something with different desires and expectations.

  33. Mile High Flyer says:

    @ S D Guru

    Well she is okay. We have had lunch and been together once. I am a little smitten with her but I sense she has broken a few hearts in her day so I am just trying to play it cool. I’m in a marriage that the fire left years ago so the contrast is huge! She is 40 looks thirty and I’m 53 she makes me feel about 18. I guess I’m no slouch just started this and have 2 other women pursuing me pretty aggressively. One is 19 & keeps sending me pictures of where any man 53 would want to go! But really the 40 yr old is more of a looker and a keen intellect to boot! Really I would like more time with her but her schedule has been tight. I also sense she has maybe 2 other SD’s and looking for big money. If I had all her skill set why not! I started with allowance up front and it was money well spent. It will be interesting because she thinks she has researched me and there are things she doesn’t know yet. All of them good. I just wonder how to get more time with her when to back off and not interfere in her life. Also since I care about her I want to know when she hurts and want to share in that where the rules say no drama. Have I gone nuts or any ideas? In business pursue and capture have served me well but no way with this free spirited Ferrari!

  34. Beth says:

    And maybe this is unrealistic, but for SB’s,

    1) Be honest with yourself. What do you want in life? What are you “missing out on” by being in an arrangement? What are you getting out of an arrangement? Is the trade-off worthwhile? And how do you make up for what you’re “missing out on.”

    I guess for me, I’m at a point in my life where doing the marriage-and-having-kids thing doesn’t make sense; I’m also at a point in my life where even the idea of being with someone for the rest of my life freaks me out. But I don’t think that the crazy-in-love thing (been there, done that!) is really healthy for me unless I’m looking for someone I never want to not be with. But I still want emotional and physical intimacy. And I’m really independent and sexually attracted to non-physical things in partners: intelligence, confidence, consideration. I think our society is so ladened with differential gender stereotypes, [if a guy sleeps around, he's a stud and everyone loves him, if a woman does, she's a whore and everyone feels sort of sorry for her. Guys will sleep with anyone for free, girls only sleep with really special people] that casual relationships or sex aren’t very affirming.

    So in short, this makes a lot of sense. I give up control over when and how often I see a partner, the ability to talk about a boyfriend with friends and bring him with me to things, obligatory emotional support, and that sense of “risk” and emotional recklessness. I get sugar, the change to be really close to amazing men, mentorship, and a casual relationship that’s affirming.

    It’s worthwhile. I talk about other things (academics, whatever) with friends, am more independent and self-sufficient, I build close friendships with people my own age for that day-to-day emotional support, and I periodically reevaluate whether this is something that is healthy for me.

    If you’re giving up things that you really want for financial reasons or emotional reasons, then do this until you get yourself sorted out financially and build yourself up, and get out!

  35. Beth says:

    @ mile-high. Re “I just wonder how to get more time with her when to back off and not interfere in her life. Also since I care about her I want to know when she hurts and want to share in that where the rules say no drama. Have I gone nuts or any ideas?”

    Ask her – what are her boundaries? how does she think about the relationship? Is “caring about her” and “sharing not-rosey-things” something she wants from you? Or does she just want something light.

    If she’s cool with it, and you can separate “caring about” from the sexual/romantic part of the relationship (IE, care about her as a good friend) I think you’re fine. Caring doesn’t necessarily mean drama.

  36. Beth says:

    Mainly, be brutally honest with yourself, and her, about what you can and can’t and want to and don’t want to give her, financially and emotionally, and you can pretty much ensure a healthy, drama-free relationship. Not to mention hurting her.

  37. Beth says:

    @mile high – also ask yourself, do I care about her, or do I just care about her in this context? Do I care about her as a person, or do I just care about her because I’m sexually attracted to her?

    Think about it this way. If a girl just really liked and cared about you in this context, and cared about you because you were taking care of her bills, you probably wouldn’t want to start relying on her for emotional support, would you?

    The care-thing can be dangerous, because it can really suck when you get used to someone else “caring” about you, and then they stop caring about you pretty quickly after the relationship ends. So…if you think that’s the case, just leave it lighter.

  38. Nico says:

    @ Mile High ~ welcome to the blog. You’ll find a lot of healthy information here!

    What others have mentioned – directly and indirectly – re: communication is key. Your best bet when curious about specifics is to ask her. For example – the schedule established from the onset when allowance was discussed should have included how frequently you two would be able to break away and spend time together. Anything above and beyond that would be considered a ‘bonus’ – typically because both parties want it and not because it’s part of the allowance/arrangement. When you say she’s busy – is this normal?

    You mentioned, “I also sense she has maybe 2 other SD’s and looking for big money.” This is something you need to discuss with her. Are you two exclusive? If you are not exclusive and this bothers you then you will certainly need to bring it up.

    Not sure what to make of this comment, “It will be interesting because she thinks she has researched me and there are things she doesn’t know yet. All of them good.” If she mentioned that she had researched you it was more than likely (just guessing here) from a perspective of her own personal safety and/or to confirm you were who you said you were. One of the things we preach heavily on this blog is to make certain gals put their safety first.

    Well, I’ve sufficiently bombarded you with more questions. Sorry for that and as I said in the beginning, “Welcome to the Blog” :-)

  39. Mile High Flyer says:

    Thanks ladies: this SB has been very straight forward with me & as a gentlemen I would never ask who else she is with. She has never asked me either. I just plan on enjoying the time we are together. Life is not about the number of breaths you take but the moments that take you breath away! That is what she brings me for however long that lasts! I can even tolerate if she is a little cranky in the morning!

  40. Pumpkin says:

    Shared, not in terms of I’m looking for a relationship or anything! Not at all, cause that is not what I am looking for. I was as business like as you outlined, he to me was seemingly looking for a saviour. I know how to be a friend, how to be a comfort, a listening ear…a confidante, but he laid it on heavy…had unrealistic expectations.
    What I think I am trying to ask is, how much personal information should one share? What are things that you should not share? (I was asked some very pointed questions in the past and to lie about them would have badly bothered my conscience) Is it appropriate to ask an SD to get tested (I mean, I have encountered profiles with it being a prerequisite for the SD). What do you guys think (would especially like to hear from SDs on the last).

  41. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning everyone and welcome to all the new sugars here!

  42. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Goooooood morning sugars!

    I’m enlightened after spending time with some sugars I haven’t met before…what a time full of laughs and sharing. Thank you ladies!

    As for the 5 rules, I agree with them however would modify them a bit…
    #2 – I don’t think it’s so much about entitlement, but I do agree that we should graciously accept a gift that is freely offered (not solicited). Allowances can be a difficult discussion, but worth it when you are able to achieve your goals with the help of sugar. I would suggest that the #2 Rule for SDs would be to ask your sugar what she NEEDS most. She may get treated for a wonderful shopping spree while having to take out loans for tuition and books or struggle with covering child care while freeing up time to spend with her SD. Looking good in class is wonderful, but not always practical. I know many men have a challenge with offering cash, but if it’s for a worthwhile cause why would it make a difference? Wouldn’t you rather cover tuition that to see that she had/chose to sell her items on e-Bay at a loss for what you could have offered? Sorry, but it is often our reality.

    #4- Being brutally honest is important, but definitely use your charm and tact to deliver the bad news. Snoring and shopping addictions may be tolerable to many and many negatives should be easy to navigate. There are some issues such as not being able to handle your liquor or family matters that the SD cannot fix that don’t belong in sugar. It dampens the overall mood and isn’t sugary at all. When you share, you don’t have to tell all…only the things he feels he can fix. Many of these genuine SDs are white knights and want to fix our challenges…so let them. :-)

    The college SB certification is nice, but has a few kinks in it for me. I’m a 44 year old college student. If I registered under my college e-mail, how would the men on the site view me? Would they think I’m a fake? Also, does this mean that my e-mail inquiries would go to my college server? I don’t feel comfortable with letting my university have access to such personal information about my choices. I used a web-based, somewhat anonymous e-mail to sign up in order to avoid sharing additional personal information. Lastly, I know the majority of sugar babies on the site are young, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only kind of sugar baby our gents are seeking. SBs in the 30+ range have much to offer, so why not include them in your promotions?

    Pumpkin – There are no hard and fast rules about what to share outside of anything that may potentially put you at risk of losing what is important to you. Try to keep things sguary sweet and less dramatic if possible. If he pushes you too hard for personal information, just let him know that a little mystery never hurt anyone, but you genuinely appreciate his concern.

    Welcome Mile High Flyer! It’s always nice to see new gents and you sound like a genuine SD. I hope you’ll stick around to guide us through this wonderful world we call sugar!

    Welcome Pumpkin and Beth!

    So nice to see everyone again!

  43. Mile High Flyer says:

    @Pumpkin, I’m new at this but as a SD I wouldn’t be offended if asked to be tested provided we both did. In my case we didn’t but maybe we both still will. Actually as a guy it shows you care about both of us! I did a pretty thorough physical inspection combined with a tick check. I know this is no guarantee but was fun. Especially important for MT SB’s who don’t shave their legs. Tick fever can make you very ill. Come to think of it my SB didn’t check me for ticks. Oh well!
    Seriously though you can’t be too careful. I’ve monopolized the blog so am going away for a while.

  44. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Pumpkin – It is ABSOLUTELY fine and often expected that both of you get tested before intimacy. Also, being tested doesn’t necessarily mean you get to have the GFE (no condoms). Safety first…always.

  45. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hi Mile High – welcome to the blog, and welcome to SugarWorld, it is a strange and fascinating place.

    I have read your posts, and I I hear the alarm bells ringing. You seem to be falling for your new SB, which could be a real problem. (I am speaking from experience here….) You have to remember that this is just something a little extra for you, and is probably being treated as a temporary & disposable relationship by your new SB. You have to understand that without the financial support you provide, she may not be with you.

    The other thing – and I may be wrong here – is that she probably has other SDs, and you don’t like it, so your competitive streak has kicked in. You always want what you cannot have, and you cannot have this relationship fulltime for a few reasons – you’re married, she has other SDs, and this is a sugar relationship. Do not confuse this with an IRL relationship.

    Enjoy it for what it is, enjoy the moment, be detached from the outcome and you will be fine.

  46. Pumpkin says:

    ***Midwest and Mile High***
    Thank you guys for your input. Condom-less is definitely a no-no…from the get-go!

  47. Honey says:

    Good Morning from Singapore, sugars! My first day to really explore the city…lots of stuff to see.
    Any suggestions? Singapore Honey

  48. Honey
    I lived in Singapore for 2 years. The zoo is great in the evenings, check out the restaurants on the road to the airport, facing the sea. Raffles is great. Orchard Rd is good for shopping – and take it from there.

    Where are you staying?

  49. Michael Alleycat says:

    Honey – make sure you ray at Doc Chengs at Raffles, and have the Indian brunch at Tiffin at Raffles. Check out small restaurants in Little India. Everything happens in the morning – it is too hot in the afternoon.

    And check out Sophia Rd (near Peace Centre) I used to live there. 3rd shop-house on the right.

  50. Michael Alleycat says:

    *eat at Doc Chengs Damn you auto-correct!!

  51. Honey says:

    Roberts Quay? the villages? Next to the river. I am going to do the zoo night trip and I am on my way out the door, maybe Raffles…It is a bit confusing to me. Thanks

  52. Honey says:

    I am coming from Houston where we have had 100+ temps for like 2 weeks straight, I think I shall be able to survive the afternoon heat here!!

  53. SD Guru says:

    @Honey
    Good Morning from Singapore, sugars! My first day to really explore the city…lots of stuff to see. Any suggestions?

    Michael gave you some great suggestions, here are a few more to add to your list:

    - Sentosa
    - Marina Bay Sands
    - Newton Circus
    - East Coast Seafood Center
    - Clarke Quay
    - Shopping on Orchard Road, such as at Ngee Ann City Mall.

    Generally speaking, between shopping and eating you should be able to keep yourself pretty busy in Singapore! :P

    And if you’re really adventurous, go try a durian at one of the stands. But be forewarned, it’s not for the faint of heart!! :mrgreen:

    @Mile High Flyer

    Thanks for sharing more about your SB. A few months ago someone from the blog wrote this about married SD’s: “married men are more like someone lost in the desert near death from dehydration and who’d pay a thousand dollars for a gallon of water.” While I don’t think that’s the case for most married SD’s, I hope that’s not the situation you’re in either.

    You said you’ve been together only once, but you already care about her and you’re wondering how to get more time with her. Does that seem too much too soon to you? Also, have you discussed how often you’d see each other as part of the arrangement?

    I just plan on enjoying the time we are together. Life is not about the number of breaths you take but the moments that take you breath away! That is what she brings me for however long that lasts!

    I think you’ve got the right idea, but your emotion may have gotten ahead of yourself. It’s not easy to keep it in perspective when things are new and exciting. I hope cooler heads will prevail and you’ll enjoy the sugar relationship for what it is. Good luck!

  54. Honey says:

    ok, I have gotten my bearings, I now know where I am. I will set off tomorrow on my grand adventure!! Thanks for all the help guys!

  55. Honey says:

    where’s a pharmacy and a good mall? I gotta buy walking around clothes, I brought mostly long sleeves stuff so I could visit the temples without offending, but they are a bit more relaxed than I though and I need some tank tops and shorts!!

  56. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Good morning sugars!

    AM – How was your reunion?

    Reviving the job search now that I’m on the final stretch with school. Time to put 20 years of work experience combined with a formal education to work. During a job fair, one of the companies wanted to consider me as a recruiter…hmmmmm. Could be interesting, even if not exactly the direction I intended. Any thoughts?

    Honey – Enjoy yourself!

  57. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ Before you get serious about entering the profession of recruiter take a read of an oldish book entitled “changing jobs at $100000 plus” I’m not recommending it for the job changing content rather I’m recommending it because it has a very extensive description of how the different types of recruiters work, how they make their money, and the challenges that face them.

  58. Enigma SD says:

    Midwest – I think you would be a good recruiter, but my understanding is that most of those positions are commission – does that work for you?

    Hope you had a good weekend with the ladies :)

  59. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Thanks Enigma and Stormcat! I’ve heard there are some strategies to make money and understand it will take some time for the commissions to come around. As I understand it, they provide either a draw or start-up income for the initial run. Of course, it’s not enough for a comfortable living. If I can work this along with school, I would be able to have a book of business built up by the time I’m ready for 40+ hours. I’m most concerned about being a recruiter in an area where jobs are scarce. Temp jobs are plentiful, but there’s always news of another major business closing/relocating in the local papers. Perhaps it’s something that can start here and be more profitable in a better area. Can’t hurt to explore the options. Stormy – how current are those methods? I’m sure new laws and technology may play into the relevance.

    BTW – Ladies were great fun!!!

  60. cleo says:

    psst rc? i put up a new photo for you…

  61. Redd says:

    So I’m a new sugar baby does anyone have any advice for me? Thanx

  62. kimber says:

    I have read everyones post, and yes I am bored. lol I found alot of useful information. I am excited to go on my first date. How long did it take for some of the SD to chat and ask for a meeting? Also is it better to have an upgraded membership? Thanks! :)

  63. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey Kimber and Redd!

    Kimber – have you been here before? The upgraded memberships are nice because you can see who favorited you. This gives you a chance to reach out to someone who may not necessarily make the first move. The SDs typically don’t wait more than a few e-mails to let you know they want to meet. There’s a balance between them rushing it to get sex and them leading you on as a pen pal, so trust your intuition. Also, be patient with the genuine ones because their schedules are pretty packed.

    Redd – Read, read, read! To the right are lots of topics that help you get started when you’re new. Start there and if you have more specific questions, let us know. :-)

    Hi Cleo!!!

  64. cleo says:

    hi midwest!

  65. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ essentially it comes down to who you’re working for! Many shutdowns are setup to provide subsequant job searches for the displaced employees. You get paid whether they get a job or not. If that’s the case you can make some good profits. Contingency job placement sucks unless you have a flipside recruiter position. That way you profit from both ends. Pure recruiter work is of two genra, contingency and consulting. With contingency you get paid if you find someone, consulting, you get paid regardless but when they do hire someone it is the perfect person for the job. All this is of little relevance if the company that hires you already has their strategy in place because then you have no choice about how you work. I was just saying, if you go that direction make sure that you personally fit the way the company works. Just like sugar, don’t pick th first one, do a lot of screening and make the right choice.

  66. Gina says:

    Hi all: This is off-topic, but I need a few opinions.

    Am I right to be suspicious when a potential SD absolutely refuses to discuss any details about the arrangement prior to meeting?

    There was one I was communicating with who said he just didn’t talk about money over email. He was using a yahoo account that would likely not be connected to his ‘real’ identity. So I’m not sure what his deal was.

    Not that I care in this particular case (he ended up breaking off contact by telling me I was “lazy” because I asked him where his town was in relation to mine. Hmph!). But I figured it would be good to know whether or not a legit SD would ever refuse to talk about the details of an arrangement before meeting.

    Thanks :)

  67. Stormcat says:

    Gina : you have already answered your own question. You’ve been around here long enough to know that he has taken an unusual position. Seems to me he is trying to throw you off balance which is not the way that a straight up person works. i.e. He is trying to play you so that he can get some advantage. So I ask you . . . does a legit SD do that? Obviously no! Anyway the second thing about you not google mapping his town rather than continuing the dialog by simply asking him is another sorry attempt to make you feel inferior and subservient. It is all B-crap! But you already know that! Yay that you aren’t falling for it! :)

  68. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Welcome Gina! My red flag goes up when he’s calling you “lazy” for not looking up the directions yourself. He could have just been polite and entertained the conversation…unless he was kidding. I wonder if he’s treating you disrespectfully, or is just short.

    I always let men know I’m seeking an allowance before we meet so we don’t waste anyone’s time. That said, there are some who don’t go into details until after we meet simply because there isn’t really any point. Very few legit SDs will enter the arrangement that night, so what’s the rush? Good luck!

  69. RC msb says:

    -Cleo “psst rc? i put up a new photo for you…”

    For me!!?, Well I’ll just check that out (Later). Uh, I think you missed one of the memos about me :D

    It’s a very nice shot Sparkle I’m sure it will garner some excellent second takes. Do be careful though, shots like that tend to drain the blood from mens brain’s.

    I hope it gets you some action on your profile, you deserve it. So good to hear from you again, I was beginning to think you had gotten sucked into a parallel dimension (I’ve had that happen before, it’s very annoying).

  70. RC msb says:

    LISA, PLEASE COME BACK TO THE BLOG!!!!!!

    I miss you here, and I want you here. Please come back. Many of us read every post you write (Probably more than you realize). Those that don’t want to, don’t have to. I know it provides an outlet for you and I want you to use it.

    PLEASE COME BACK!!!!!

    -RC

  71. Sara says:

    hello sugars,

    How have you all been? I know it has been a while, I kind of took a sugar hiatus, but I HAD to comment on this topic.
    Firstly, Is anyone else uncomfortable with the idea of mixing your college and sugar lives? I just would not want my university knowing about this lifestyle. It is none of their business, and it sounds like it could be complicated. Especially because many universities have conduct clauses and since all the emails go through a server they do not need to be actively “looking” for information to find it.

    Second, I know there are quite a few sugars on here who are not currently in college but are extremely intelligent and educated. Do you all feel like it sends the wrong message? That the “certified college babies” are smart and therefore better than the non certified? Even if the non certified babies have already finished school or are older and with a career?

  72. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Cleo – WOW!!! Love the new profile and you look hot!

    Sara – Hey chica! I agree and mentioned some of the same sentiments. There is hardly a perfect solution for everyone and I can see why the site wants to promote the students, but it does seem a bit short-sighted. How are you? How did the debate team do last season?

  73. Sara says:

    @Midwest – Hey doll! Sorry I didn’t read your post, I didn’t have a chance to scroll up yet, but the first thing I thought was “hell no am I attaching anything to my school email.” It would be nice if we could be verified through that email and than utilize our anonymous email or something else.

    The team did well, I actually didn’t sign a teaching contract this year though. There were a lot of complications and I decided to take my career in the path I want it to be. Also, time to be a big girl and focus on finishing my masters.

  74. jane says:

    Hi All,

    Sorry to hi-jack this thread, but I am in need of some experienced sugar ears, experience, and advice, babies and daddies both. Oh yes, I am finally de-lurking after 8 months of off and on SA Blog reading and dipping my toes into the sugar bowl.

    Here’s the situation, I just wanted some feedback. In my life prior to knowing anything about sugar, I had a boyfriend of 4.5 years. He left the relationship by leaving me for another woman, while still “in” our relationship. Needless to say, I felt hurt, betrayed, outraged, all of the usual things. I vowed NEVER to date anyone married, because I knew the pain of that betrayal by someone you love. And then here I am just a few months shy of two years later, and I had a REALLY nice/good conversation with a pot sd, married. And I REALLY am looking forward to our date Thursday.

    When I first learned of SA, I was not able to even look at the married sds, not seriously, it just wasn’t for me. But it’s been quite a few months since then, I have finally (I think) completed the healing I needed from that broken relationship. And now there is a pot sd I’m really interested in, he’s married, and I’m wondering a few things.

    One – am I going to a special hell if I aid someone in breaking their marriage vows? (not that I am at all religious, but I do believe in energy/karma/the flow of the universe)
    The really funny thing is that I totally felt like *counseling* the pot sd when we were on the phone, not furthering my own cause! (of getting a date, etc.)

    Two – what are your general thoughts on this situation, sugaring with a married sd? Babies and daddies both reply, please!

    I think I have a more fluid/flexible view of marriage and bonds and relationships than I want to have… at least when it suits me! I tried out a little bit of poly earlier this year, and decided it wasn’t for me. At least not with my primary at the time, we were too bonded and we were both not interested in sharing the other. Maybe I don’t mind being a secondary? I am an anthropologist by BA, so I have a pretty well-rounded view of how the animal kingdom mates, primates and humans in particular. We’re not faithful most of the time. Most of the time being faithful is totally a cultural thing.

    I guess I just want some thoughts lobbed around my head on this one. If I meet him and we’re both still interested, my instinct, my gut (which is what I operate on these days, and which doesn’t steer me wrong) says Go For It. Which is contrary to my logical mind, which says “why would you do that?!” The primitive, animal part of me says “yes, I think this one could be a good match.”

    After all, it’s NSA dating. The chance to give and to get, to care for and make a good friend, knowing where you both stand. I’m finding that very attractive, and it’s true, I could cut this one loose, no big loss (or he might decide the same for me!) but this issue is going to come up again, because I’m not climbing out of the sugar bowl yet. I’m pretty intent on pursuing right now.

    Thoughts, comments, all are appreciated. Thank you.

  75. jane says:

    Also, since I’m here, another question – I use a pen name for my profile, and sign my emails with it, and call up pot sds with it. I’ve not given anyone my real name yet, because, HELLO! so many safety issues. My actual name is very unique, I don’t want people I don’t know Googling me. So when do you (or do you?) tell them your IRL name? How do you bring up that topic? I know I’m not the only one! Thanks!

  76. Gina says:

    @Stormcat
    Yeah, I followed my instincts on this one. It just stung that he would turn a perfectly pleasant email exchange into something kind of ugly. Normally, I’d ignore such rudeness, but since he seems like a bully, I felt compelled to respond. I told him he was lacking in courtesy and did not seem like good SD material. I hope he reads the message and takes it to heart. I’d hate for another girl to get her hopes up about such a person.

    @Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious:
    No, he was totally serious. It was kind of shocking, actually. There are very few rude and self-centered SDs on here (most are lovely people), so it can be a nasty surprise when you run into one.

    Thanks :)

  77. cleo says:

    rc: well you liked my profile and my photos, i thought you’d enjoy the ridiculous bragging of this one *grin*
    .
    midwest: thanks babe – seemed like a should take a last cheeky shot on my way out of the bowl :)

  78. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Morning sugars!

    Jane – I sooooo feel your pain! I, too, know how it feels to be the one cheated on and it’s a paradox for sugar. My first two SDs were single and I preferred it that way. However, my last was married. I think that karma is more of a self-fulfilled prophecy than a reality, so you really have to be at peace if you’re going to go down this road. There are a million reasons why and why not, so pick one and do it with conviction. I came to peace with it realizing, as you did, that monogamy is rare in nature and that people will have extramarital affairs regardless of our participation (this includes married women). It’s been said that affairs tend to keep marriages together and many partners accept the other’s infidelity (pick your battles). I know this is vague, but it’s a very, very personal decision for you. The last thing you want from sugar is regret. Good luck!

    Jane- you’re a wise woman!

  79. SD Guru says:

    @jane
    And now there is a pot sd I’m really interested in, he’s married, and I’m wondering a few things.

    It’s normal for newbie SB’s to have mixed feelings about married SD’s. See the “Married vs Single SD’s” post in my blog for my take on it. Keep in mind that him being married and looking for a SB is his problem, not yours.

    So when do you (or do you?) tell them your IRL name?

    It’s perfectly fine to use a pseudonym in the beginning. Then it’s up to you to decide if and when to disclose your IRL name as you build trust. Ask yourself, is there any good reason for you to disclose your IRL name, and if so, can you trust that person with the information? When in doubt, always err on the side of caution.

    @Sara
    Is anyone else uncomfortable with the idea of mixing your college and sugar lives?… since all the emails go through a server they do not need to be actively “looking” for information to find it.

    It’s not much different than college students using their .edu email addy for all sorts of purpose on social networking sites. Even though using the .edu addy to certify college SB’s has draw backs, it’s the simplest way to implement and automate from an administrative perspective.

    Do you all feel like it sends the wrong message? That the “certified college babies” are smart and therefore better than the non certified?

    That’s certainly a good topic for discussion. But I look at it this way: how many SD’s have met pot SB’s who said they’re college students only to find out later they’re actually working as a stripper at a club down the road? Please note I’m not saying strippers don’t make good SB’s or college students can’t work as strippers. The point is, it’s a way to validate the SB’s profile as who she says she is similar to what the Diamond Club is supposed to do for SD’s. By the same token, it’s up to each person to come to their own conclusion as to whether SD’s in the Diamond Club are better than those who are not, or whether certified college SB’s are better than non certified.

  80. Sara says:

    @guru – I see your point, and I suppose that is where I differ from most 24 year olds. I also don’t have a Facebook. I don’t trust them, and after reading their entire privacy policy, I decided it was not the right choice for me. I understand the point of verification, I just don’t like the idea of a constant flow of information going through my school’s server. I would even be willing to provide documentation like transcripts to SA ( similar to how they verify their diamond members with tax returns and property documentation).

  81. Pumpkin says:

    I had a really sweet date! We had good easy conversation (it was nice that we had so much passion topics to engage each other). This next date is for discussing the prospective arrangement more. I’m nervous (don’t talk money that well, but I intend being as confident as I was at our first date).

    One thing bothered me, and I want input (it may well be a deal breaker for me when we meet again). The prospective Pot stated that he has issues with condoms!!!!

    (I have issues WITHOUT condoms and I am NOT prepared to compromise in that regard). Apart from the very obvious that I need to say so explicitly and remain firm about it, is there any other advice? I do not want to be shitty about it, but I was going, “HELL NO!!!” (Of course I don’t want to say it that way because it will NOT be “polished”. So, help prepare me for this please.)

    I don’t care how “selective” he is about his partners…”HELL NO!!” I’m not going to trust anyone with my health that way. I’m responsible for my health and have always had a responsible sexual existence…never cheated…no one-night stands…no condomless sex with LT partners without being tested FIRST and trust firmly in place…regular routine checkups at gyny etc. etc. I’m healthy and I don’t want to come away from SUGARLAND rueful or with any incurables.

    HELP!!!

  82. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hi Pumpkin! The name reminds me of one of my favorite movies…Memoirs of a Geisha.

    Your SD should respect your decision to protect yourself…and him for that matter. If you want to treat it the same as you do the IRL relationships and start with condoms, then trust, test and decide from there, it’s your decision and perhaps it will sway him. However, I would shy away from it. Many of the men come from a generation where they didn’t have to wear condoms and are now spoiled by this. Combine that with a sugar site where there are pros and plenty of those who don’t practice safe sex and it’s a problem waiting to happen You can tell him you understand where he is coming from and respect his desires, but stand your ground. If it’s a dealbreaker, then let it be. He can take his chances with the girls who don’t use protection and sleep with every guy she has slept with (ewwwww). No allowance, gifts, travel, etc is worth the risk of a lifetime of misery. He should understand that no woman is worth that either. Stay strong and wait for the SD who is right for you.

  83. Rachel says:

    Been REALLY busy lately, but, I had to chime in for Midwest….. I have been a recruiter for over 7 years… And in the field for over 13 years including running a firm for a few years, please feel free to contact me with ANY questions! blog gods… Please share my email with Midwest….Thank you!!!

  84. Pumpkin says:

    **Midwest
    Thank you. Memoirs of a Geisha is actually one of my favourite books (I did not like the movie as much as I enjoyed the book though).
    Once we meet again, I’ll tell how it plays out, but for sure that is not something that I am compromising on ever!

    **SD Guru
    I visited your blog today for the first time and I absolutely love it (been going down memory lane with you). You write well, the posts are topical and very helpful. Good job! Now I know where else to get good advice!

  85. D Dubs says:

    I would just like to add something…

    SB’s, PLEASE be honest on your profiles. I can’t tell you all how many times I’ve wasted energy and effort getting to know someone who posts things like “I’m just looking for a good guy to have fun with”, or “I’m tired of guys my own age who don’t know how to treat a woman”, you know, things like that…

    Only to eventually tell you they want a high amount of money just to meet, and then guarantee sex in the process. HELLO!?!? I didn’t know this was an escort site. Go post your profile on backpages.

    This just happened to me. A sweet looking girl next door…we spend the better part of a week, texting, talking, trading pictures. I decide to make a pretty long trip to her town to meet this weekend, and then I’m hit with “how much are you going to be paying me”?

    I respond – “well, it depends on how things go, I guess. I fine with helping you out, or compensating you for your time, but its hard to put a price tag on it before we’ve met in person”

    She responds – “well, I’m not going to do the friend thing and hang out with you. I’m also not going to spend the night. We can do dinner/drinks and then intimacy, but then I’m out”.

    The price for this? She asks me for $1,500 for two consecutive “dates”.

    This is not being a sugar baby folks. This is called being a high priced escort.
    If that’s who or what you are, then post it that way or get on backpages. Don’t waste my time.
    Yes, I’m pretty angry. I wasted my time trying to get to know someone, and I’m insulted.

  86. vino sd says:

    @gina,
    i dont have a problem putting specifics in an email. However, i am not going to do it before i have met you at least once beforehand. I have a pot now who wanted numbers in a text message before i have even spoken to her. sorry, not going to happen. frankly, it is process of negotiation and i prefer to do that in person.
    as for calling you lazy; yes, the guy is a di3k. BUT….speaking for myself here;. it doesnt take a lot of effort to read a profile and google map a city. if you are asking the question in order to open up a conversation, you’d be much better off by remarking that you noticed how far/close you are. it demonstrates that you read his profile and did a little work to evaluate one of the dynamics of the arrangement.
    that is the sort of thing that works for me, anyways.

  87. Honey says:

    I want to be a high priced escort, sounds fun and no commitment..am I bad? I have a pretty sweet arrangement, (according to some)all bills paids,credit cards with high limits,(but guys have always offered that,even when I just date..why is it never enough? I don’t want them to fall soo hard for me. I would love to jet set with a few select guys,staying a few nights hereand there and then going home to be with my own thoughts…would rather be a trophy girlfriend than a trophy wife..worlds smallest violin playing for me…..I think I like the challenge of it….I thought I wanted to be kept,but when I am I feel like a caged bird. Singapore must be doing something to me. I crave security and adventure, do they go together?
    I want other females in my situation to talk to and pal around with…Sometimes I think I’m too clever for my own good. Hello from Singapore, Sugars. I’m already thinking about…next…
    Come on blog, blast me for my indifference…

  88. Sara says:

    @ honey, your indifference is what makes you fabulous.

  89. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey Vino and D Dubs!!! Where have you guys been?

    D Dubs sorry to hear she turned out to be a pro. You’re right…it’s not the judgment about how you do business, but this isn’t really the place. I’m sure many of the pros target sites like SA because of a potentially wealthier clientele, but they still need to be up front early on. People like that give the genuine SBs more issues to overcome down the road and are making the P4P option the norm….grrrr. Maybe we need to add “do you charge by the hour” to the screening questions. :-)

  90. Enigma SD says:

    Although I don’t condone the use of the site by “pros”, I am going to take her side on one aspect, D Dubs. If you spent the better part of a week communicating with her, one of the topics should have been what are your allowance and intimacy expectations. It would have saved both of you a lot of time and effort.

    Pumpkin — I would suggest you tell him that you aren’t comfortable being intimate without condoms, but like any relationship, you MIGHT consider it after you known each other a while and after you both get tested. I had unprotected sex under those conditions with an SB and got tested after the relationship ended and we were both clean. I am not advocating that position, but rather, making a compromise suggestion that “buys” you some time!

  91. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Rachel – Just saw your post and would love to connect! Thanks for reaching out.

    Hey Enigma! Seen any good concerts lately?

  92. Enigma SD says:

    Hey Midwest — I saw U2 about a month ago — it was an awesome show. Bono’s voice was much better than I was expecting.

  93. SD Guru says:

    @D Dub
    I decide to make a pretty long trip to her town to meet this weekend, and then I’m hit with “how much are you going to be paying me”?

    I understand your frustration, but I’m not sure why you’re surprised by it after being around the blocks a few times in the sugar world. Shame on her for being a “pro”, but at least you found this out before taking the trip. We’ve heard many stories from SB’s who encountered SD’s that approach it like a “john”, so the frustration goes both ways. Screen relentlessly and hopefully next time you’ll find out earlier in the process.

    @Pumpkin
    I visited your blog today for the first time and I absolutely love it…

    Thanks for reading my blog and I’m glad you find it useful. Please leave some comments as you make your way through!

    The prospective Pot stated that he has issues with condoms!!!!… I have issues WITHOUT condoms and I am NOT prepared to compromise in that regard.

    If it’s a deal breaker and you’re absolutely not willing to compromise under any circumstances, then simply say so and see how he reacts. If it’s a deal breaker for him too then wish him well and move on. I’d suggest that you don’t leave any openings to get his hopes up if your conviction is as strong as you stated. Be honest with yourself and with him upfront and it will save you from unnecessary drama later.

  94. Stormcat says:

    Honey ~ Hi I’m Stormcat! We haven’t talked before. I used to be a regular but self destructed a while back over an SB.
    I used to think that I wished I were female so that I could be an SB because my view it seemed easier than being an SD. But then I met some Cougar/male-SB couples and watched, with interest, how they interacted when they thought no one was watching. The male-SB seemed sickeningly subservient. Pitifully asking for things and flashing his best sexy you’ll be rewarded later smile. I could never do that. I’d explode. Then suddenly I realized that that is what a lot of SBs put up with all the time.
    So how do you as an SB keep your dignity and personal freedom while having an arrangement? Just as you say, you do it by your indifference and by developing a thick skin in order to tolerate all the crap that you have to put up with. I don’t know ! ! ! What happened to the beauty of connection and intimacy? Has it fallen victim to disrespect. to use. to self centeredness.
    Somehow I think we all need to realize that we are dealing with real people, not robots or slaves. Not walking wallets or pieces of meat. Real people who have feelings and desires and dreams and goals. Your pendulum seems to be swinging to the jaded side of human relations. Don’t get stuck there. :)
    Sugar is a thin line where beautiful people are interacting with beautiful people sans expectations, one at a time. Not a business selling your body, or a method of getting gratuitous meaningless sex. Rather a way of connecting without socially imposed constraints or requirements.
    IMHO

  95. SD Guru says:

    @Honey
    I want to be a high priced escort, sounds fun and no commitment..am I bad?

    The grass is always greener on the other side. I’m sure some high priced escorts wish they could be SB’s!

    I thought I wanted to be kept,but when I am I feel like a caged bird… I crave security and adventure, do they go together?

    That’s quite a conundrum you’ve got yourself in. Perhaps the heat in Singapore and jet lag are getting to your head… :)

    I’m sure many SB’s would love to trade places with you… all the exotic travel, bills paid, gifts, allowance, etc (cue the violin!). But yet you feel like a caged bird… why? Perhaps your situation is no longer NSA?? There are boundaries and mutual understanding of how a NSA sugar arrangement should work and each side has a role to play. But if it’s mutually beneficial then it shouldn’t be something that either side has to put up with. The real question is, what is it about your sugar relationship that makes you feel the way you do? And what can be done within the context of the arrangement to free you from the cage?

    By the way, security and adventure do go together. It’s called a great marriage!! :mrgreen:

  96. Rachel says:

    What I like best about the sugar relationship is that it is an escape for both parties involved. You enjoy the time you spend together in whatever you do. Everyone understands that we all have our own separate lives and this is not a commited relationship per say. Granted there are aspects of the arrangement where there is commitment (holding up your end of the deal), but this is a fun arrangement, not something that should bring you down. If its bringing you down, then something is not right. Sugar relationships are not meant to last forever, they have expriation dates. For all sugars… In any role that you are… If you are not happy in your sugar relationship then you need to look into why and see if it’s something that can be worked out or… You may need to terminate the sugar and move on to another. Please forgive any typos as I am typing on my not so smart phone :)

  97. Pumpkin says:

    @SD Guru and Enigma SD

    Thank you guys for the input. The advice given from you both has merit. I really would like a sugar relationship (lots of odds against me and I do not want to lose out…but I will remain honest and true to myself and see how that goes). Going with Guru.

    @ Honey
    You sound like a very successful SB and you sound a bit discontented. Give thanks for small mercies (in your instance BIG mercies), and if you can’t, you really ought to reevaluate. I wish I were as successful at SD dating as you seemingly are. I hope you figure things out fast and shake the caged-bird feeling. (Re) Discover why a caged bird might sing.

  98. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning Everyone! :D

    Midwest ~ The reunion was very nice. We stayed at a lovely hotel (seperate rooms), had a fantastic dinner and talked all night. We’ll see how things play out. :)

    Hope everyone had a great week!

  99. Diana G.SB says:

    Good Morning Sugars and Sugar Daddies!

    I have some questions. I’ve read most if not all of the blogs and haven’t found out a time frame of when it’s good to actually meet a pot sd. How many messages do you send back and forth before you’re ready to meet? Also how soon do you give out your number or email? How long does an sd have to be on the site before you consider him a real sd?

    @Pumpkin

    I read the condom post and I wouldn’t chance it. He doesn’t sound like he cares about his safety and doesn’t seem to care about yours. If he’s meeting several pot sbs and sleeping with them unprotected, then he probably has had something by now or will get something in the future. Most men don’t like condoms but they are there to protect you and the other person. If he wants to take chances with his life then let him. Moreover, you don’t want to become a victim in his death defying acts.

  100. Anna Molly says:

    Welcome Diana! A SD can be on the site forever and never be a real SD. There are many posers on here that like to take advantage of women so be careful. On the other hand, there are very nice, helpful, and generous men here that are the real deal! It takes lots of patients to find the right guy! My ex-Sd and I were together for 9 months and he had joined 2 weeks before we met. See, you never know! I think the time frame depends on your comfort level. Always meet in a public place and drive yourself. Hope this helps and good luck! :)

  101. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    AM – That’s awesome! Love to see you to rekindle! Guess you left your naughty sis at home if you had separate rooms :-) Nice to see you giving advice too…I always wished you would!

    Diana – I echo AM. There’s not cut/dry formula for knowing WHEN to meet. Trust your instincts and listen to red flags. Sorry there isn’t a better idea of what to do. Meanwhile, definitely use an alias e-mail and get Google voice. GV takes a while to get a number, but well worth it. It gives you anonymity, allows blocking, etc. Good luck!

  102. pb says:

    Lol @ honey. I think we both have interests like that.

    Hope you have a great time in Singapore. Just came back from Jamaica!

    Exciting & exhilarating! Don’t know how long this SD is gonna last.

  103. pb says:

    I’m still considering joining this site. I just love the blog

  104. vino sd says:

    @d dubs, a couple of things that i have picked up that seem to be common to pro’s; she approaches you, refers to you as “luv’, “hun”, or ‘doll”, and asks about compensation fairly quickly in the communication. pro’s have so many communications open that they dont want to get names mixed up and so they use those three so as to not get it wrong.
    i just had a couple of them come knockin’.

    one thing i have been dwelling on; how much do i want to care about how an sb lives her life outside of our time. met one who couldnt have been more different. with me she is conservative, shy, demure, well dressed, and struggling to make ends meet in an entry level job. once i found out her last name, found her twitter page, it turns out she is an ex stripper who spends much of her time in dance clubs entertaining her friends or is flying off to meet other sd’s around the country.

    i guess i do care. and is why i like to start off slow. moving on.

  105. Anna Molly says:

    Vino sd ~ I approach people with Sweetness, Darlin, Sweetie, or what have you and I’m certainly not a pro. It’s just the way I am! I was raised in the south after all! Hope you have a good day, Darlin’! ;)

  106. Enigma SD says:

    Pumpkin – best wishes with your potential SD, and just a clarification to my post… if you would never consider unprotected sex (even after both being tested and in a long term relationship), then do so tell him no. Honesty is the best policy and as SDG suggested, dishonesty can lead to drama down the road!

    Anna Molly — so good to see you back posting, and I am glad you enjoyed the reunion!

  107. Anna Molly says:

    Midwest ~ Yes, Naughty stayed at home. It was nice evening together and looking forward to our next date. It will be a couple of weeks though…. :(

  108. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks Enigma! Good to see you too! :)

  109. Enigma SD says:

    A while ago I posted some signs (not guarantees) that you are dealing with a pro:

    1) She gives you her number in the first email
    2) She asks for your number in her first email
    3) She has multiple accounts in major cities
    4) She has professionally taken lingerie or risque pictures (just who shot those pics?)
    5) She doesn’t care what you look like (no need to see your pictures)
    6) She uses escort terms like GFE (girlfriend experience), I can host, DDF, etc.
    7) She doesn’t view your profile (yes I know she can view it from email, but I view SBs profiles multiple times when I am very interested in them)
    8) Says she prefers short term arrangements of pay for play
    9) Profile may say — I want our lives to be completely separate when we aren’t together (how is that a relationship?)
    10) Wants money upfront for the first meeting (even lunch, coffee, dinner)
    11) She wants to meet almost immediately with knowing very little about you.

    Again, these are not necessarily dead-on indicators that you are dealing with a pro, but they certainly are some good signs that you should proceed with caution.

  110. Aurelia says:

    Personally I would never agree to unprotected relations with an SD because while I can eventually trust a guy enough to give my actual name, know he won’t flake out on the promised allowance, etc, I can never trust a guy on SA enough to potentially expose myself to life-threatening diseases. Even if he seems nice and we are together for a long time, etc, there is absolutely no way for me to know whether he is telling the truth about his sexual habits. It’s actually to his benefit not to, since that way he gets to go condom-less and seems like a more attractive prospect to most SBs since he is seemingly being exclusive. Also, unlike the average boyfriend/girlfriend relationship you might acquire on a regular dating site, SBs by and large don’t know enough about their SD’s lives to accurately judge if they are being truthful about their claims of exclusivity. In my last arrangement, for example, I did not have access to his friends, family, coworkers, travel itineraries, etc (nor did I want to, as it was NSA), and so I really had no verified idea of what he did when we were not together, hence protection was non-negotiable. Also, if I had had a right to expect that he remain exclusive, it would have destroyed the NSA aspect of our arrangement.

    Men lie about things on regular dating sites too, but if they are hoping for a serious relationship they have an incentive to be truthful (since the girl will eventually find out if they become serious and he has lied about his age, sexual habits, marital status, etc). On SA, where SB and SD often live in completely different areas and getting too involved in/inquiring too deeply about each others’ lives is generally discouraged, lying is much more rampant with both SDs and SBs, as the potential rewards for telling the other what they want to hear are so high (lots of money or intimacy with a hot young girl) and because the transitory nature of an arrangement means that lying, if discovered, will usually lead to a fast, relatively painless dissolution of the relationship that bears virtually no repercussions for the one who lied (versus with a romantic relationship).

    For every guy who insists on unprotected intimacy (either immediately or after “trust” has been built) there are several others who will be okay with condoms and recognize that they benefit the SD as well, so hold out for that.

  111. jane says:

    @Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious + SD Guru:

    Thank you for the advice on the topic of being with a married sd. For me, it’s a total twist on my usual thinking, but I’ve always been able to see gray where others see only black or white. I do think that it is true that it is his issue (to seek outside the bounds of his marriage) and not mine. If not me, someone else. More importantly, I genuinely enjoyed him.

    Cougarlicisous – I really appreciated your advice to “pick a side and do it with conviction.” My intuition/gut said go for it, so I did.

    We had a really enjoyable date with some solid connecting points and things are going forward. My first arrangement – wow, it’s definitely a magical sugar rush! I will enjoy it while it lasts.

  112. Honey says:

    I used to have a saying…something about whatever “job” you are doing, if you are doing it because they are giving you money,paycheck or whatever, if you are doing it because they pay you. you are still “whoring” yourself out. I mean that if you wake up and go to a job you hate or don’t love..to me it’s kinda the same thing to me. If I wake up and put on my Burger King uniform to go to work there and didn’t love it, what’s the difference? Maybe I am considered more “moral” because it is not so called sex work, which I do consider what I am doing. But I am an adult, no kids, dealing with Men sometime twice my age, more status, more money, who made the rules. Why do I feel like I’m taking advantage of them sometimes? I never lied and have always kept to my end of the bargain.But they always extend the terms. I just want to do my job and leave it when it is done, but now I am staying an extra week at his behest. Singapore is ok, but I wouldn’t mind just going home when the ticket first said. Singapore is just a shopping Mecca, but again, you can only buy so many shoes…I think the truth is that I find him a bit boring and I HATE being bored. But boring can pay well and one can get used to..things, like having them and it is better than being poor, but proud. Anybody else ever heard of that silly phrase? Bills gotta get paid, right? Off to the hot tub in my new two piece and lastly , I accidentally left my camera at home, so when I was at the airport, I went up to the camera/ipod vending machine and bought a new one, that was kinda cool. That’s why I stay in the sugarbowl.

  113. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Be safe East Coast Sugars!!! Thinking of you.

  114. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks Midwest!

    Morning everyone! :)

  115. cleo says:

    enigma? see my current profile photos?

    iphone while sunbathing… but they look pretty pro don’t they?
    .
    honey: have you agreed to exclusivity with your SD? because to *me* it kind of sounds like what you want is two or three of them so that you can enjoy the dirty fantasy of having more than one. sort of the blurry line between sugar baby and courtesan.

    i know a lady who used to do it in the bad old days of newspaper personal ads, she called herself a courtesan and she’s warm and wonderful and happy to speak to anyone about her life. anyway if you type “ex-courtesan in transition” into google you should find her blog :)
    .
    as for me? as the sun sets on my second unsuccessful year in the bowl i’m moving on. i just don’t see the point of throwing more energy at a losing proposition. so, of course, i’m going out with a cheeky bang and posting my ass on my profile for all to see *giggle* – just so i can say i “really tried”

    but you know, if the definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different result? i’m not into insanity anymore.

    i have a new wardrobe and some great shoes and some wonderful memories, but fundamentally sugar has cost me far more than i’ve ever made from it… gifts are wonderful but they don’t pay the taxi fare to dinner do they?

    anyway, i’ll visit and say hi and blog a little but i guess i’m really not meant to be a sugar baby. funny, i was so convinced i’d be amazing at it…

    this is not, by the way, monthly hormonal depression, i’ve been moving to this for a while… there is literally nothing more i can do, i changed my look and my body and my attitude… heck i even started dying my hair.

    lol

    love you guys though, so grateful to the ladies here for the divine inspiration to get control of my ass and my life! so off i go into the non sugar world with a great wardrobe, new found confidence and a body that suits a string bikini at 40… so don’t for a second think that i am not grateful for my time here… but next month i will delete my profile and move on to something where my *self* is actually wanted :)
    .
    re condoms: any man who likes himself will use them with a strange girl… any real man will reach for them without making you ask. hmm may be exactly true about sd’s and allowances too.

  116. michellelove says:

    What is up with this college SB thing i have changed my email to my edu.net and nothing changed i also sent a message to SA about this not working when i changed my email is this just bs!!!!! they replied and told me to responed back from my email i have and they have not done anything has anyone else been able to get the pmembership through changing there email to there edu.net thanks

  117. Anna Molly says:

    Not sure what to tell you Michellelove. Welcome to the blog by the way!

  118. Honey says:

    Thanks Cleo…Yeah, I’m “exclusive” with this one. He kept raising the ante…I think I shall look up that blog, I am the more courtesan type,would love to have a “salon”, where everyone cool could hang out. Talk about politics and trendy things. Not into the hollywood scene, could really care less what Paris Hilton is doing. Would like to have parties,not all the time, but cool pool parties with cool food and the latest “new thing” Be the bestest Hostess, make sure everyone had a great time,meeting interesting people and sending them home afterwards. maybe I have to make it myself.
    You go Cleo and do your thing, be happy.Work it, girl!

  119. Jessie says:

    @Cleo – Just want to tell you I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. It’s just not in the cards right now. You never can tell what hand you’ll be dealt later on…whether in the bowl or not. Glad you’re sticking around.

    @Honey – You’re bored because you’re tied hand and foot to your SD. Why, why, why, do you spend so much time together, especially when it doesn’t make you ecstatic?. Sounds like you need to pack in that BK uniform.

    My SD told me that he saw his last SB every week, and sometimes twice a week. I simply said, “that’s not gonna happen with us.” No way do I want to see ANYONE (even if it would be a real boyfriend) that often. Now he tells me that it’s a lot more exciting than his last relationship. Time apart is definitely the spice that keeps us ticking.

  120. Jessie says:

    @Sara – Hey girl. Haven’t seen you in forever. Hope you’re doing well.

  121. Honey says:

    Jessie, yeah, i do see him to much, but as I said he kept upping the ante.
    Now I have a twenty thousand limit credit card, getting a new car, school paid for and trips to wherever he is. I’m looking to start my own business with his money..My sister hits him up for money, now. I can’t go to Bk!! I may be a whore, but I’m neither cheap, nor easy! I’d be a cheap whore at Burger King… I can’t say no to the money yet…I’m working on it. Gotta cut down on those $140 lobster lunches for one….
    I was kinda raised this way, my mom was a sugarbaby…… cue the violins…lol!

  122. SuccessStorySpeaks says:

    My story was posted as “Success Story”. Update on that ~ it failed. However, I am back in the game and I wanted to chime in on this topic.

    First of all, realize that this site is run by a Sugardaddy, so the dominating perspective here is male. I appreciate this, as a woman, because it gives me insight into how a guy thinks.

    Secondly, realize that the site where the majority is making their connections is run by a woman. Why is this? Because the women have true control in this situation. Real sugardaddies want real women, not whining babies with low self-esteem.

    This is a site where alpha males get to prey on beta females. I have yet to meet anyone here. I’m not a beta, so I just don’t belong here. The majority of females in this scene are sub-servient, so don’t let my personality ruin your fun. If you have an appreciation for being treated like second class, being degraded and looked at as a sex object – have at it!

    Realize this ~ at least 90% (both male and female) are using these sites for a p4p agreement (which is illegal, btw). Maybe only 1% are actual sugars! So, be very, very cautious and very upfront when someone contacts you. Chances are, they are looking to use you for sex. Even if you are getting handed a four digit allowance – you are still being used! (and it is degrading – what happened in my “success story”).

    Last year, the sugardaddies on this blog were claiming that the ratio of male/female sugars is 1:10 and they are the ones in control of the picking and choosing and that all the ladies need to be more competitive (check out the five rules that started this blog – again, preying on betas with no experience). I joined the internet sugar dating scene about 18 months ago, but before that I dated in the real world. The internet is extremely ghetto, full of liars…..people can say whatever they want, and like I said – This site was set up by a male, so the alpha male/beta female prevails. (And again, I as an alpha am having more success at a site that is run by a woman – more respect for the diverse personalities that women have, compared to the generic, typical attitude here.)

    That being said, here’s where Success Story has been lately: Moved to PA and got a job (restaurant manager). I have been settled here for a few months. I met a sweetheart (married) who has no experience with screwing around at all. I do not want to be his first. We are great friends. He comes into the restaurant about once a month and leaves me a $100-$200 tip.

    I met two more (losers) in person. They wanted p4p.

    I have two pots right now. One makes less than 300K a yr, which has become below my standard. From past experience I have found that these guys are just looking for a girlfriend and they allowance offering is below 2K a month. However, everyone’s an individual, so I am willing to give him a chance.

    The other pot is a married businessman from OK who is working out this way, makes over 400K (Dr Suess lives!) ~ my type.

    I’ll check in with y’all in a few months, hopefully to share another Success Story. : )

  123. SuccessStory says:

    I liked reading this, and wanted to add my two cents:

    1) She gives you her number in the first email

    Very true ~ do not do this: it screams ~ HOOKER!

    2) She asks for your number in her first email

    See 1)

    3) She has multiple accounts in major cities

    (duh?)

    4) She has professionally taken lingerie or risque pictures (just who shot those pics?)

    NOT TRUE ~ Glamour Shots will do you up for very little, and this is especially nice for us older ladies. I would be cautious of anyone under 25 with these types of shots.

    5) She doesn’t care what you look like (no need to see your pictures)

    NOT TRUE ~ no one looks like their pic on the internet. SD’s put out fake pics. A lot of SD’s a married and I respect their privacy.

    6) She uses escort terms like GFE (girlfriend experience), I can host, DDF, etc.

    True – and same can be said about the johns – watch out, ladies – huge red flag.

    7) She doesn’t view your profile (yes I know she can view it from email, but I view SBs profiles multiple times when I am very interested in them)

    Not true – profiles can be just a bunch of stupid lies. Viewing strangers all the strangers who contact you all day becomes a total waste of time (unless you are seeking comic relief).

    Says she prefers short term arrangements of pay for play

    (duh?)

    9) Profile may say — I want our lives to be completely separate when we aren’t together (how is that a relationship?)

    NOT TRUE! – sugars are here to seek ARRANGEMENTS not RELATIONSHIPS! A sugar arrangement is usually set up this way: completely separate in their time apart.

    note to SDs: realize that a sugar arrangement is traditionally with a married man. A real sugarbaby is NOT your girlfriend!!!!!

    10) Wants is money upfront for the first meeting (even lunch, coffee, dinner)

    True, but if daddy doesn’t square it up on the second date, by paying an intro fee, then he is not a real sugardaddy. SDs can get away with skipping the intro fee on the first meeting because this is the internet and he has no way of knowing if he is talking to a man/woman/hooker/cop, etc. This very fair because you will probably meet with at least 10 people before you find mutual chemistry, so the man only pays up if the sparks are there. And again – if he doesn’t give you an intro fee on the second date, get rid of him! He is a player and a loser, wanting something for nothing. A woman’s time is very valuable (more so than a man’s – we battle a monthly cycle on a daily basis, and win every time!). Any man who does not understand this does not deserve to have a woman in his life.

    11) She wants to meet almost immediately with knowing very little about you.

    NOT TRUE – I don’t have time to waste emailing strangers and having it go nowhere. If I do not meet with my pot within two weeks I next him (unless there are circumstances, like business trips, which interfere).

  124. SuccessStory says:

    …..just realized this ~ 5 out of 11 were NOT TRUE!…..what a perfect example of how internet blah, blah is a bunch of lies, and how the dominating male persective around here is way off.

  125. Kimber says:

    Good morning sugars,
    I am new to the site and love the blogs. There is alot of wise ppl with honest advice. Thanks!
    I have truly encoutered the fakes, one even wanted to have me send pictures and wasnt wanting a sb. I had to just tell him that we would not be a great match. Ugh! I am not giving up that the right
    sd is out there for me. I wish I could have my profile reviewed to increase my chances of finding the one. I am sending out emails and winks but no serious replies. Now what?
    Also , how do I find the lasted blog to follow? Lol Excited for my first Sa daddy.

  126. cleo says:

    success story you’re allowed to name other sites here and i, for one, am curious which one you mean

    just don’t link it, it’s going to get held if you do, all links are held for approval before posting.
    .
    success story 2: for the record i agree with all of your “not true” comments

    i never care about pics, they never look like them anyway and i want to see their personality when i see their face

    i don’t ask for money for a first meet but have always appreciated gifts to thank me for coming. also, not offering to pay my cab fare when you KNOW i’ve cabbed it? flag. not making sure i have parking and gas money if you KNOW that i’ve driven? if i make a crack about the exorbitant parking? flag. you aren’t generous and you don’t pay attention.

    i glance at your profile, enough to find something to comment on… otherwise i don’t care, it’s just a paragraph on the internet. i care far more what your email says and how you approach me and look at me and treat me.

    i want to meet right away, i am so damn tired of email correspondence that i forget to answer the good ones sometimes…
    .
    honey: you will love her blog, she’s not doing the courtesan work anymore but the way she talks and thinks is beautiful and really sane.

    i called her and talked for an hour before i started sugar dating and she was very helpful and open. she also thought i had the right headspace for sugar lol…
    .
    jessie: i’ll fade into the sunset of the blog i’m sure, i don’t really have anything keeping me here but the people i like so much… it does feel somewhat disingenuous to comment though

  127. Kimber says:

    Story,
    I didnt know gfe was a hooker term. Lol I just want to imply that wasnt a one trick pony. Just saying.

    Cleo- good tips on the sd not being generous on first meeting. I get emails of 20 yo who I dont think they know what generous is. Do u avoid the light blue ads? I feel like that if they were accomplished they would at least upgrade? Any opinions?

  128. SuccessStory says:

    I have met a few on sugardaddyforme

    Again, as it implies, it is for WOMEN seeking a sugardaddy, and not vice versa (otherwise it would be called “sugarbabyforme”). But watch out – they are not strict or serious at all about their anti-prostitution policy. It is a needle-in-a-haystack routine, and even if you find one who isn’t a john, it is likely to be some guy who wants to screw around on his wife without understanding that sugarbabies are not out to provide this “service”. (Married guys seriously believe that us ladies will happily “service” them for a dinner date and a pair of earrings! That’s hilarious!)

    Here’s my deal – I am a very hot 40 yr old woman. I get hit on all day at work, from guys aged 14-69. I am so frustated by how stupid the male population is. I get asked out a different stranger about 20 times each week. Not a single one has anything to offer me. They don’t even ask me out on a real date, just coffee of a walk in the park!

    The last SD I had (met on sd4me site) flew me to South Beach for our first date and gave me $1200 to compensate for my lost wages. I had another one meet me at the sushi bar across the street from the ritz (tab totalled $1500). Another sent a limo to pick me up for shopping dates…..etc. etc. A first date with me is going to cost $1000 -$2000……coffee? hey @hole – didn’t you notice that it is my JOB to swim in coffee all day? how is this a date? feels like MY JOB!!!!!

    I would love to hear some REAL SD input on this. I know you are out there. What are your thoughts on the reality that your future SB has had to put up with this her whole life? Do you care? Or are you just another dude, out to use females for sex, knowing you can get away with it because you throw her a couple of dollars every now and then, and that you get to score with total babes because us babes are saving ourselves for you? Male input, please?

  129. SuccessStory says:

    A gfe is a p4p, but he does not get charged by the hour and you do things outside of sexual contact. For instance, dinner, movie, hotel room, he gives you $300-$800 for the evening.

    A sugarbaby gets a monthly allowance, usually between 2 and 5K, but sometimes more. How often you go out and what you do on your dates is completely up to the individuals. Many married men just want a secret rendez-vous, maybe at your place, and if this works for you, you are not a hooker who is hosting.

    Also, SDs pay the first month’s allowance BEFORE intimacy. Johns say – How much? and throw that at you after the act.

    I went out with Wayne (from the sd4me site). He said his friend used the site to find hookers. They would have dinner and he would say – How much? She would say an amount between $300 and $800. He would pay whatever she asked. What a scumbag! He was obviously willing to pay $800, but if she sold herself short, he wouldn’t even compensate the rest with a tip!!!!! (So, keep that in mind, if you are a gfe-er: the going rate is $800 – don’t sell yourself short!)

  130. Honey says:

    Cleo- Don’t go!! I would miss your input!!!
    Good Morning Sugars!
    I think of myself as an executive level sex worker. Execs are expected to put in long hours, work overtime, and get the job done. In exchange they fly business/first class and end up in exotic places, working. They command the higher salaries because the work can go on longer than 40 hours and they can’t”clock out” Nothing wrong with sex work, but pay for play does not sound as fun as some other types. Sugarbabies DO get an allowance and DON”T put out on the first date. – Not making a judgment call, but if he offers money on the first date,you take it and you have sex, you may be a hooker..
    It was close to a month before I started the sexual side of my relationship with my current sd and my past ones too. They should at LEAST offer to help out with cabs and tabs, without it being a big deal. They should be gracious and not make you feel like they are doing you a favor. Everything should be just like a date and money should not change hands. He can wire money to your paypal account if he wants to see you at some later date. If you want the $800 upfront and want to not see him again ,take it spend it and be happy but that’s not a sugarbaby
    This is NOT a place for desperate women, some men are looking to take advantage of pretty, broke, chicks. Make your rules and stick to them.
    Honey from Shangri-la

  131. Honey says:

    OMG ! Beyonce is Pregnant!!!

  132. Diana G.SB says:

    @ AM Thank you and please don’t leave the blog. I’ve been reading and enjoy learning so much from you ladies.
    @MidW Thank you too! I guess it’s all a case by case.
    @Success Thank you! Wow! love your honesty!. I’m getting an interesting number of prostitute/escort seekers. I also agree with your “not true” comments as well.
    @Honey totally agree!
    I’m avoiding dinner and drinks with pots. Seems like they are out to use ladies for arm candy at their favorite restaurants. I opt for coffee meets only until an arrangement is already in place.

    Some guys actually admitted that they use the site to date attractive women.Yes I said date not sugar date. They don’t have any plans to enter the sugarbowl. They just enjoy the woman shopping like crazy, going to the salon and showing up looking incredible.When it comes to the internet you have the same scams and lies that you’ll get from men on any site.

    I’m staying positive that a wonderful SD is around the corner If not then I’ll just smile at the great success stories from other ladies here. I really do enjoy reading these helpful blogs.

  133. Nico says:

    Hello all – I am going to just add one thing to the current topic and that is not to generalize OR at least caution everybody that you’re generalizing.

    As an example, I use the expression “doll” and “luv” and use it as a term of endearment….albeit a general term and I’m not a prostitute.

    I’ve also used gfe in an IRL situation. I didn’t want a relationship in the traditional sense…FWB…this was sans the sugar. In order to explain what we were doing we used that term and I’m not a prostitute.

    I’ve also chatted with a pot – granted we grew very close while chatting etc but we slept together the first night we were together (the chemistry was undeniable) and we cemented our allowance/arrangement then too. We were together for over a year…..yet I’m not a hooker.

    The only point I make is there are exception and to use these possible “signs” in CONJUNCTION with any gut feelings but I caution you may be missing out on the possibility of something good because you may be scrutinizing the individual far too closely.

  134. Honey says:

    Nico!! Hey Babes! I hope you don’t think I was implying…. but I was just saying for general usage, there are always the exceptions, Myself being one of them,lol! I would stress playing it safe, if he really wants you, he will let you know. Guys have tracked me down and stalked me when they were interested. Let THEM do the work. You be you. Let THEM get in where they fit in. Just saying what works for me…hugs, Honey

  135. SuccessStory says:

    My saying: I do not chase boys. Real men pursue me.

    I even say this to the guys who are interested in me. Funny, how it makes them drop like flies. Seriously!

    …..how hard is it to step up? Impossible for most, I guess.

    A cook at work has a 25 yo friend who gave him a note that said – if that girl is single, tell her to call me (with his number)……seriously? “that girl”? I DO NOT CHASE BOYS!!!!! I do not call random guys just because I am single! I do not call random guys, period!…..some little boy actually thought that approach was going to get him somewhere? jeez!

  136. SuccessStory says:

    …..another random guy, claiming to be an SD, who even has a blog about his adventures (what SD does that?) stated in his blog that he date raped a drunk girl. How stupid is that?

    REAL SDs – what is your opinion of all these imposters? I’m not a man, but I would think that if I was, I would be so frustrated at my gender for being such pigs…..and there are so many SD posers! Again – male input, please.

  137. Enigma SD says:

    Cleo — I haven’t seen your pics, and I will check them out. But as I said, “these are not necessarily dead-on indicators that you are dealing with a pro, but they certainly are some good signs that you should proceed with caution.” They were obviously just my opinion, and I appreciate the tactfulness of your response.

    RE: condoms. I agree with everything you have to say Aurelia, and it really is a personal decision. One thing I will note is that it isn’t just men that think condoms suck. I would have to say that about 95% of men think they suck, but my experience (which isn’t a huge scientific pool) is that about 75% of women really don’t like them either, but they are necessary early in a relationship. Again, just my opinions – this is a blog right?

  138. SD Guru says:

    @Cleo & Enigma SD

    You’ve been around long enough to remember a certain poster who pops up periodically under different aliases to stir the pot. So keep that in mind and take what you read with a grain of salt! :)

  139. Enigma SD says:

    Hi SDG — funny you should mention that, because I was thinking the writing style was the same. I hope all is well with you.

    Nico — I read your post, and I wasn’t implying that about you at all. You know I would never think that about you :)

  140. Nico says:

    LOL Enigma and Honey :) *HUGS* I know better you guys. I didn’t take ANY offense at all (but thank you). I only wanted to make certain for those that are reading they don’t take those instances as being carved in stone ;-)

    LOVE you guys!!

  141. SD Guru says:

    @Honey
    I just want to do my job and leave it when it is done, but now I am staying an extra week at his behest.
    I find him a bit boring and I HATE being bored. But boring can pay well and one can get used to..things,
    Yeah, I’m “exclusive” with this one. He kept raising the ante…
    I can’t say no to the money yet…

    I’m starting to get a better sense of the conundrum you’re in. Sounds like you’re stuck at a high paying but boring job with a boss who keeps on pushing your boundaries. Obviously the high “pay” is nice given the economic and job environment. But if you find him and the “job” boring then there is probably not much you can do about it. It still comes down to the choices you make though. You can choose to not stay in the job, but I understand you can’t say no to the money yet. So the only thing left to do is to establish and keep your boundaries when he ups the ante and pushes for more. Whether you choose to do that and whether that will make a difference is up to you.

    Or perhaps none of that matters because you’re just venting and you already know what a great sugar life you have! :P

  142. Confused says:

    Hi everyone:

    I signed up for What’s Your Price and a guy made an offer, a nice one, and I accepted. It says I should contact they guy but feel funny about that. Fell like he should now contact me for the date. Do I have to initiate this? I have a feeling since the offer was so nice that it’s probably not legit and if I pursue him I will look like a fool. What has people’s experience been? Does the guy usually contact the gal first?

    Thank you in advance

  143. Aurelia says:

    Confused, I haven’t used WYP but from my experience on SA, it’s more common in sugar dating than it is in regular online dating for the SB to initiate contact, offer to meet in person, etc. Obviously individual situations vary, but I definitely find myself initiating contact more on SA than I did on Match. I would say that the SD will probably be happy to hear from you and pleased that you are enthusiastic enough to make the first move (well, first move post offer).

  144. Aurelia says:

    Honey, I feel for you. I was in a boring arrangement for a while and had many of the same problems. He was a perfect gentleman and always gave me my allowance before I had to ask, but he was just…..boring. The sex was so-so and we always talked about superficial things, but I loved the steady pampering! Ultimately I ended it because I figured I could find something better (a more exciting guy and a higher allowance, though the latter was an issue unrelated to dullness of the arrangement). I’m now in the process of looking for another arrangement, and time will tell whether I made a good decision (I find a great new exciting guy) or a bad one (I never find what I’m looking for and bemoan the fact that I gave up a “sure thing” with a “nice guy”).

    Also, on a related note, you mentioned that he upped the ante and wanted exclusivity. I too caved and granted exclusivity the first time around because I feared he wouldn’t want an allowance otherwise. Now I’ve realized that I need my independence and so won’t settle for anything less than NSA, but I do definitely wonder whether I’ll find an SD who is okay with this, and whether I should just suck it up and go exclusive for the potentially greater rewards I might get for offering this.

  145. Aurelia says:

    Also, something I’ve been thinking about along the lines of Honey’s thoughts on sex work: does anyone on the blog have experience with having multiple SDs at the same time? I’m toying with the idea of something along those lines, as it would keep things interesting and NSA, but I’m worried about the legal aspects. I know that even having just one SD doesn’t really protect a girl if the “sex for money” can be proven, so how risky is having multiple SDs from a legal perspective?

  146. Anna Molly says:

    Happy birthday to me! Lol. Have a good one everybody! :D

  147. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Happy Birthday AM!!! Hope you are enjoying your wine!!!

    Boring? If you’re bored, it’s not mutually beneficial, therefore, it’s not sugar. Plus, if you’re bored, do something different. It’s like depending on someone else to make you happy when it’s entirely up to you. Then you will attract those who are exciting and happy.

    Cleo – I hope you will stay on the blog! I love your style and wit plus you give great advice! Always remember that you have had more success than many, so never sell yourself short!

    SDG – Some things never change! Those of us who know you best, know better.

    Hi Nico, Enigma, et al!

    School is back in full swing and I’m fully charged!!! Soooooo excited!

  148. Spiced says:

    @ HONEY

    I am having a blast reading your post. My first time coming to this blog was yesterday and I am still trying to read back to the beginning of the discussion. You ladies have same great conversation, comments, and advice. It is actually a beauty to see a group of women talking like sisters and helping one another. From what I have read so far, even the criticism is constructive and the respones are not mean. From the day I saw the show about the site on the Tyra show I have been a memeber on the site. I stopped searching for SD’s after I was supposed to meet up with one who stood me up. But I decided to come back and I found out that I could upgrade to a premium account if I changed my email to my student email. So, now I am a premium member and I am going to see what becomes of me being on here. I just want to thank you ladies for your post, so far they are very helpful to me. Right after I read one of Honey’s post I went and changed my descriptions ans spiced them up. @ Honey, we need to talk business outside this site because you sound like you need your own site and training courses for other SB’s. :-)

  149. SuccessStory says:

    I am glad some SDs have chimed in and I am very interested in hearing their perspective. Please tell us about your past arrangements. My only qualification for being “real” is that you were involved with an SB for more than six months. Please tell us – How did you negotiate allowance? How much did you give?

    I know that the newbies are confused and feel awkward about this subject, How do you break through that barrier? As for me, I only date men who make this feel comfortable from the start. They have to prove that they are generous at the first/second date. They have to say – Here’s what I have to offer…..

    For instance, Mike from MD (met on sd4me) flew me to South Beach on our first date and compensated my lost wages. For our second date, he flew me to his home on the bay. He had told me in Miami that he was seeking a live-in SB (?) and that he was willing to give $1000 a week. (See – rich guys are just using these sites to find a live-in gf).

    So, in the end, he wasn’t really a SD. Now I am very cautious of these types. They come on too strong. I will not fly off to la-la-land to meet anyone anymore. My new approach – They come in the restaurant I am managing. That way they can see me, see that I look like my pic, see that I work a real job, etc. However, the two who have come in so far have turned out to be johns.

    Where is the happy medium? the real SDs? How do they express: I’m the real thing? There is definitely a lot more pressure to define and prove yourself. Hot babes can pick and choose, so what makes ~you~ so special? What is your approach?

    Ideally, in my fantasies (which I have the power to manifest) I envision this – He comes into my work. Sparks fly. He leaves a three digit tip. He contacts me later and asks if I would like to have dinner on my day off. We negotiate our terms and come to an agreement. I am seeking 3K a month……(and that’s where I always lose them! why are so many on the sites pretending to be SDs? 3K is piddly!!!!! what are these guys thinking? that I am going to give you my spare time ~and~ take the effort to be your arm candy ~and~ be sweet and pleasant and accommidating ~and~ take all the risks that ladies take by getting sexually involved with a male, etc. etc.; for nothing? jeez!)

    So, please SDs – share some of your “success stories”. How has it worked out for you? What gives you the ability to stand up and say – I’m the real thing! (because, like I said – the pressure is truely on you to prove yourselves. Us ladies have nothing to prove. We have all the right parts in all the right places. We are SBs naturally, whereas SDs have to actually behave in a certain way: generous, etc.)

  150. CardsFan SD says:

    2 notes… I think being an SB is more than having the right parts in the right places… I think that trivializes the role of the SB. Not to pick one line out of your post, but that one seems… off.

    Anyway: haven’t been on here in a while. Popping in to say “Hi”, I hope everyone’s doing great. Miss reading the blog, but have been too swamped for some time.

    Packing up for business trip to Spain in a week. Looking forward to a break for the heat in Phoenix.

    Be safe, take care, much love,

    CardsFan

  151. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    SuccessStory – Just curious…does it concern you to invite men you haven’t met yet to your place of employment? Wouldn’t an anonymous location for both of you be better? What if he became a stalker or wanted to share your lifestyle with other employees/ upper management? Also, I know many who receive more than 3K, but they tend to be in metropolitan areas such as NYC or LA. Lastly, I would recommend using less details (Mike in MD from etc, etc.) As a true sugarbaby, I’m sure you can respect discretion.

    CardsFan SD – Enjoy Spain!! Is this business or pleasure?

    AM – How are you feeling this morning sweets :-)

    Aurelia – I know a few who have had multiple SDs, but it seems their concerns were more with what level of honesty to maintain with them and less with the gray area of prostitution. If you stay away from P4P, it seems like you would lower your risk for being misconstrued as a pro. Keeping the transactional side of things to a minimum has advantages for both of you, so set up that separate sugar account or paypal so you don’t have to ask. (BTW – I’m not a lawyer, nor did I stay at the Holiday Inn Express…ever!) Hope everything is going well!

  152. Nico says:

    Hello Midwest….Holiday Inn Express *giggle*snort*falls off chair*

    Good morning sugars!! Have a FABULOUS DAY!! Moving into my new place Wed/Thur…busy packing and getting more and more excited!! Progress!!

    Cards Fan ~ hello and have fun on your trip!!!

    Hellooooo Honey ~ sugar is addictive! I know, understand and sympathize with your dilemma! I know it will work out….only you can make that decision. I had a SD (years and years ago) that was a hard core alcoholic. I finally had to separate myself from the situation – sugar or no sugar. At least, aside from the boredom there aren’t any significant downsides :D (Is this the sugar I met??)

  153. Stormcat says:

    I guess that to even answer “success story” or any of her feau-clones is simply a communication to the rest of sugarland that they are dealing with a clever fake.

  154. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Stormy – More of an effort to help new sugars think through their actions.

  155. RC msb says:

    Well my goodness, I’ve had a busy week and apparently so has the blog. Many threads to catch up on but first…

    Cleo!

    Oh my goodness sparkle I had no idea you were heading this way. What a thing to read!

    I guess first of all I am stunned that someone as witty, attractive and sparkly as yourself has had such bad luck when it comes to sugar. I agree with you, on paper you should have been snatched up ages ago.

    Life can be odd sometimes though. I can only assume that some kind of bizarre radiation leak in your city is frying the brains of the local SDs.

    In any case, it is what it is.

    I have very mixed feelings about your exit. Logically you make perfect sense. You gave it a fair shot. No point in beating your head against the wall. On the other hand, there wouldn’t be any particular harm in simply managing it in a way that is low maintenance. For example, refusing to respond to more than a couple of emails before writing off a potential. Kind of like leaving a tethered fishing pole at the shore to catch whatever may swim by.

    I dunno, if you don’t wish to continue I understand. I myself quit, so I understand the conundrum.

    One thing I do hope you will reconsider is fading from the blog. I mean if you legitimately lose interest in it, or find it uncomfortable that’s one thing, but the idea that your opinions would no longer be relevant just isn’t true. I’m not even going to argue that, you yourself know it isn’t true. Your opinions will always be welcome and useful here. And you in fact, you have more sugar experience than half the people that have posted here. Your thoughts matter.

    Whatever you decide I wish you the best as always.

  156. Stormcat says:

    Well we had a hurricane here. Most people did well but my client died. It has affected me mre deeply than I expected. I had to write something. Stephen, I hope you all don’t mind if I post it here. But If you do just delete it.

    Ode to Jerry
    by Stormcat

    Updown – the hollow feeling one gets encouraging the old man in the hospital to get well while asking him questions about what he wants in his will.

    The hawks came again three days before the hurricane . . . each circling high in the sky overhead. Reminding me of my need to soar alone before I take on the responsibility of yet another. Lines crossing lines creating illusory shadows perceived only in my, the observer’s, eye, moving in ever changing patterns as I sway. The effect is comforting albeit mesmerizing.

    I exit my loft bed where I languish alone and move quietly outside into the midday sun’s heat. Schlieren lines float steadily off the metal roof behind me, mixing with the cool forest air and contrasting the moistness of the willow by the pond. How dare he die before I finished my work. Didn’t he know that I was going slow in order to keep him living. What am I to do now, pray for his soul . . . Ha! I have no influence in that realm.

    It might be something good though. He suffered such a painful rejection from his “one true love!” I suppose he felt useless in the end, stripped of pride and dependant on the goodness of others. A strong hearted soul can only live that way for so long. So now he passes to the land of good strong hearted souls . . . no more anguish, no more pain, no more loneliness in the midst of crowds . . .

    I’m sorry this is such a short disorganized ode but I only knew him in the end of his tumultuous life. . . I imagine him when he was in his prime. Simultaneously tough and kind! The consummate provider. Father and friend! One of the gentle people to grace the world. A man that, however short the time, I feel privileged to have known.

  157. steve says:

    hey everyone;
    just got on this site and thought that i would ask some questions. I hope this is accepted in the right manner as this is not exactly the right place for it. I would like to start a sd/sb relationship but have been having a hard time getting the idea down right. I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that. Also I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree? I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait? I feel that some of the ladies want me to send them a check but will not commit to anything other than cashing it. I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct? The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.
    I would appreciate any comments or suggestions. I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.

  158. Midwest SB says:

    Stormy – condolences…death awakens many demons

    Welcome Steve – sine the popularity of the site has grown, so have the scams. I understand your hesitation and confusion. I will share my personal experiences and let you translate it as you wish. I have had three arrangements. Firts was cash allowance, with gifts, weekend excursions and nice venues. Second was travel w a smaller allowance as it was his first time giving an allowance. Last was an allowance w travel and weekend excursions. All three were ste up to meet for an extended weekend once a month…a mini vacation if you will. First and third were over 1k a month, plus whatever the travel, weekend and unsolicited gifts came to. Sex came when we were both ready. The arrangement details were discussed over email and solidified before intimacy. The while process from hello to yes took about three weeks or less. I prefer deposits to my account…some prefer cash.

    Question is what do you want from your sb? Can you afford the dinners, etc that come with sugar dating? Are you looking for a relationship or something different? Are you in a metropolitan area? (allowance expectations tend to run much higher).

    If you genuinely click w a lady, perhaps she would be willing to be creative in terms. Don’t be surprised or judgmental if a lady suggests a non-exclusive arrangement. She may genuinely like you, but also have a genuine need to cover tuition, etc. Anoher option is to be strictly a gift/ travel daddy. Some ladies are not comfortable w an allowance. Agree to wisk her off somwhere every other month and treat her to great local venues in between. Then you can make use of miles, etc. Just be clear in your profile that you are only offering gifts/ travel. This may curb some of the “emergencies” that lure in our white knights.

    Hope this helps! Blame iPad for typos :-)

  159. Aurelia says:

    I agree with everything Midwest said, and would like to reiterate the point about geographical location: in a major metropolitan area allowances in the $5,000-$10,000 range are not uncommon, but I know an SD in a smaller city who reports that many quality SBs in the area are satisfied with $500 per month. I would say (purely from anecdotal experience) that location is the single most important factor in determining how large of an allowance an SB can command.

  160. Stormcat says:

    Steve ~ the trick is to be a gentleman. You are making a connection with a person. Your money contribution is a gift because you care for the person. A gentleman courts his potential SB just like any other potential. It is appropriate to bring a gift on the first date. But only because you want to, not because it is expected. The difference between sugar dating and regular irl dating is the endgame. In sugar it is assumed that the relationship is only in the moment and will end when it is no longer serving its purpose in irl the relationship is presumed to be more permenant. The most important thing is to communicate clearly and openly. Say exactly what you expect and what you offer. Believe me, It is so so so much better to not have a sugar relationship at all than to think you have something but it not be real, or it is full of false assumptions. Hope this helps.

  161. steve says:

    thank you ladies. Hopefully I am starting to get the idea. Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years? It takes me a while to get comfortable with someone and I would hate to have to change babies on a regular basis. I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?

    I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also? I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.

    Last question for now. I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. In one of the few actual meetings I mentioned the Rolling Stones and got a blank look from a nice young lady. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?

    Again thanks for the info.

  162. Aurelia says:

    Steve, while some arrangements have a set expiration date, most last as long as they are mutually enjoyable. If you get something going and you are both enjoying it, there’s no reason why it can’t last for years, and many SBs like the idea of an on-going thing. We don’t really like to have to go through the whole getting-to-know-you process too frequently either. The one reason that SBs or SDs commonly end things is that one develops feelings for the other. Some SBs are open to this, but many are looking for something more NSA, and so many SBs will end things if the SD tells them that he loves them, wants them to move in, etc.

    As for travel, it is fairly common for SBs or SDs to travel to meet the other. If an SB is compensated for gas she may not mind driving to you. As for age, I have heard of plenty of over 40 SBs, but there are definitely fewer of them on the site than the under 40 set.

  163. Honey says:

    Stormcat, sorry for your loss, truly…

    forty year old dark Honey

  164. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Steve – I live in a small midwestern town which is one of the primary reasons I traveled. It adds a lot of additional expense, but I think it’s worth it. The time away from home forces me to stop thinking about what needs to be done at home and to focus on him. We’ve had some great weekend getaways that included FL, Vegas, and places in-between. We both go home recharged and looking forward to the next visit.

    As for length…it’s really up to you. A few sugars here have had arrangements last for more than 8-9 months. This is a strange set up in that you have to know why you’re in sugar. If it’s for an NSA arrangement, they tend to have a shorter duration simply because serious emotions may come around and be one-sided or because there is so much temptation in the sugar bowl. Mine tended to last 4-5 months (both had businesses that suffered from the economic downturn …really :-) ) Sugar and love are a tough mix, so be confident in who you are and what you want. If it’s long-term, Seeking Millionaire is designed for wealthy men looking to settle down. SA has a lot of men trolling to date better looking women without sugar, so know that the women are going to be skeptical when you start talking long term…unless she wants the same thing. You can leave the door open, depending on chemistry and just see how it goes. Just don’t do the “bait and switch” and be in an arrangement for a month or two and then suggest you go IRL without an allowance. Be honest.

    I’m 44 and find that the men in their 50s-60s find it refreshing to meet someone who can share similar life experiences. Look at the search ranges that list 39+ and you may find women more attractive to you. Some will put 39 to get picked up in the searches even though they may be slightly older. Some sugars on the blog are in their 30s and wise beyond their years. In the famous words of TLG…”There’s someone for everyone”.

    Lastly, Stormcat had some valuable points. Know that he’s a hopeless romantic and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also know that sugar can eat hopeless romantics alive with all the scammers taking advantage of white knights. I’m not trying to scare you, but want you to be prepared.

    Stick around and you’ll learn quite a bit! Glad you’re here!

  165. The Lone Gunman says:

    Hello gang…long time no blog.

    Thought I would stop by and say that I’m making it official: my sugar life ends this month.

    It’s been a good run, but some things have happened that tell me that it’s the right decision to go with.

    –I was approached by email recently to see if I had an interest to be interviewed by national media concerning my sugar life. I did not respond, and was VERY surprised by the request.

    –SBs lately have turned out to be catastrophe magnets who were obviously trying to use me as an ATM with Legs (ATM/L), using the most outrageous stories imaginable and apparently honestly thinking that I would buy the BS spun.

    –The publicity that has increased surrounding this lifestyle, without the corresponding acceptance of it by the mainstream media or the public in general. Dangerous waters ahead, IMO.

    Like I said, it’s been a good run, and I want to ‘fess up and say that if I had it all to do over again, there’s a special SB I should have grabbed up and run away with to a more traditional relationship. She knows who she is.

    TLG

  166. Honey says:

    WOW TLG don’t go away from the blog. The sugar life IS like cotton candy, not meant to last forever, but we, I, would miss you…
    I understand not wanting peeps in your bidness , but just don’t leave us hanging…

  167. SD Guru says:

    @Steve

    Are you single or married, which age group are you in, and why do you want to be a SD? You asked some very good questions and the issues you raised are typical for a newbie SD. You have received good advice from the blog and I’ll add my two cents.

    I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that.

    There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things in the sugar world. The key is to find those who share similar ideas in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it should work. Recent media coverage has shown that “pay for play” may be prevalent so it’s no surprise that’s what you’ve run into.

    I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree?

    What’s reasonable can depend on several factors, mainly location and your expectations. If the SB is in a high cost of living area and you expect to spend a lot of time with her and traveling is involved, then 1k/mo could be barking up the wrong tree. Keep in mind not all arrangements include an allowance, some SD’s provide gifts/travel. Also, the allowance is only the starting point for a SD’s total spending related to the SB. It takes money to have fun, travel, and enjoy the finer things in life so you need to take all that into account. Realistically, at 1k/month and given your location, your options are probably limited.

    I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait?

    That really depends on how comfortable you are with each other and how long it takes to agree on an arrangement. Keep in mind that a sugar relationship should be mutually beneficial and once you have an arrangement in place then both sides should be ready to do what they’ve agreed to do.

    I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct?

    Yes that’s correct. Generally speaking it’s best to keep a first meet simple and low key as I’ve discussed before in this post.

    The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.

    Some SB’s are eager to treat you like an ATM. The key is to screen relentlessly and don’t put yourself in a situation to be taken advantage of. If the desperate and broke ones are not your type then there is no need to waste your time on them. I’ve talked about the “White Knight” syndrome and some of the lessons learned. Also see the “Sex, Money, and Sugar” series in my blog.

    I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.

    People in the blog have diverse backgrounds with a wide range of experiences and opinions. Therefore it’s not unusual to see conflicting and biased information. There is usually no right or wrong, it just depends on your perspective. So take it all in and decide for yourself what’s useful in your particular situation.

    Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years?

    Yes and yes. My longest lasted 2 years and I had several that were between 6 months to a year. I know other SD’s who had even longer sugar relationships. However, one study has shown that on average sugar relationships only last 3-4 months. So long term is possible, but it’s by no means the norm.

    I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?

    Being honest with each other about expectations from the beginning is one of the things that sets sugar dating apart from regular dating. Sugar relationships are NSA in nature so it will last as long as the two people involved want it to last.

    I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also?

    Given your location it is likely some traveling will be involved. But even those in major metro areas may consider a long distance sugar relationship for various reasons. I think most SD/SB’s would prefer local, but it’s not unusual for one or both to travel.

    I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.

    Ask yourself how can such a situation be mutually beneficial and how much risk are you willing to take. Most SD’s probably aren’t willing to take such risks, but maybe some are.

    I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?

    On sugar dating sites most SB’s are under 30 because apparently that’s what most SD’s seek. And again this is perpetuated by recent media coverage which creates a stereotype in most people’s mind. The fact is that SB’s can come in all age, size, and color with a wide range of life experiences. Also, some SB’s over 40 purposely put their age as 30′s in their profile to attract more SD’s. It may seem like you’re trying to find a needle in a haystack, but be patient and persistent, screen relentlessly, and you’ll eventually find what you’re looking for. Good luck!

    By the way, answering your questions reminded me that once upon a time I wrote an article called “A Practical Guide for SD’s in the Sugar World”. Due to its length I’ll post it in my blog when I have time.

  168. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Gooooood morning sugars!!!

    TLG – I fully understand your reasons for leaving sugar and the very same reasons played a role in my decision to get out completely. I do wonder how the media managed to get in touch with you and be aware of your sugar life. That does raise a concern. I hope you find great happiness and perhaps that wonderful sugar will remain a presence in your adventurous life. Please stick around and charm us with that clever wit once in a while. :-)

  169. The Lone Gunman says:

    @Midwest: It wasn’t the media that contacted me.

    It was SA.

    As for the SB?

    “For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!”

    TLG

  170. SD Guru says:

    @TLG
    Thought I would stop by and say that I’m making it official: my sugar life ends this month.

    People come in and out of the sugar world for many reasons. Only you know what’s the best reason for you. Having said that, I do find the reasons you cited interesting and I have some comments and questions.

    –I was approached by email recently to see if I had an interest to be interviewed by national media concerning my sugar life. I did not respond, and was VERY surprised by the request.

    It’s not unusual for sugar dating sites like SA to contact its members to solicit participation in media coverage. The other sites do the same when there is an opportunity for media exposure. I get those emails too, and being a married SD obviously I need to be discreet so I just ignore them like you did. I’m not sure what’s so surprising about that.

    –SBs lately have turned out to be catastrophe magnets who were obviously trying to use me as an ATM with Legs (ATM/L)…

    SB’s like that will be around as long as there is a sugar bowl. They were there when I started years ago and there are still plenty of them now. I avoid them like the plague and don’t let them get me down so that I can focus on spending time with SB’s I enjoy being with.

    –The publicity that has increased surrounding this lifestyle, without the corresponding acceptance of it by the mainstream media or the public in general. Dangerous waters ahead, IMO.

    What do you mean by “dangerous waters ahead”? The way mainstream media covers sugar world and public’s perception of it will not change any time soon, but I don’t see how that should impact what I do in the sugar world.

    if I had it all to do over again, there’s a special SB I should have grabbed up and run away with to a more traditional relationship.

    Yes “it might have been”, but was the feeling mutual? And if so, why didn’t you pursue it?

    Enjoy your life outside of the sugar world and I wish you all the best!!

  171. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    TLG – Thank you for clarifying. Kudos to our hopeless romantics…the world is a much nicer place with you in it. Best wishes to you.

  172. Honey says:

    I think I may be more courtesan than executive sex worker.Mistress to one person at a time for profit and social/political standing.

  173. Anna Molly says:

    Hello everyone!

    Welcome Steve! Lots of good advice here, hope you stick around!

    Stormcat ~ I’m so sorry! :(

    Midwest ~ I’m feeling fantabulous!! :D

    Off to the Incubus concert tonight!! 3rd row!! Can’t wait!!
    Have a good day everyone!! xoxo

  174. The Lone Gunman says:

    –The publicity that has increased surrounding this lifestyle, without the corresponding acceptance of it by the mainstream media or the public in general. Dangerous waters ahead, IMO.

    What do you mean by “dangerous waters ahead”?

    Sugar dating has always been a very grey area legally, but if I’ve learned nothing else from the videos seen on this site, there are prosecutors out there who are salivating at the thought they could enhance their reputation and political fortunes by going after alleged prostitution.

    I can easily see a time in the not-too-distant future where the increased media exposure leads to one of the following:

    –a confirmed “college SB” who is actually a front for a law enforcement sting in a local jurisdiction, simply waiting for someone to mention money (via email or phone) and then that unwitting SD candidate showing up at a meeting place long enough to be arrested. Police love to go after easy, low-hanging fruit.

    –A “confirmed” SD doing the same, causing the arrest of SB candidates for soliciting.

    –Since we are all aware escorts are on this and other Sugar sites, all it’s going to take is for one to be busted and in an effort to cop a plea, admit that she trolls here for clients. The Chinese wall that SA maintains that this is not a site for that activity vanishes quickly at that point in the public’s eye.

    –Lastly, how long will it be before we see the first university ISP block access through their servers to this and other identified Sugar sites?

    TLG

  175. Aurelia says:

    TLG, the points you make are very good. We aren’t escorts and johns on SA (at least those of us who are using the site for its intended purpose) and so it’s sad that we have to worry about these repercussions. I would add to your comment about low hanging fruit by saying that the best thing we sugar folk can do is not make ourselves low-hanging fruit—–don’t accept or ask for p4p, don’t have sex with a sugar on the first date, don’t promise that the arrangement will include sex, and don’t say things during online conversations or meetings like”Do you do xyz sex act?”

  176. SD Guru says:

    @TLG
    there are prosecutors out there who are salivating at the thought they could enhance their reputation and political fortunes by going after alleged prostitution… Police love to go after easy, low-hanging fruit.

    Your conspiracy theory is living up to your moniker!! :) Sure, what you described could happen. But for those SD/SB’s who are not engaged in money for sex discussion is there anything to worry about?? The general public may think sugar dating is morally wrong, but it’s a long way from being illegal unless there is clear evidence for a “money for sex” transaction. If low hanging fruit is what police is after, they’re better off trolling escort sites or craigslist.

    Since we are all aware escorts are on this and other Sugar sites, all it’s going to take is for one to be busted and in an effort to cop a plea, admit that she trolls here for clients.

    Despite the site’s “Terms of Use“, it still can’t prevent escorts from joining to look for clients. It can’t prevent members from putting false information in their profile either. Actually I’m not sure if any “free” site can prevent that anyway. What you described may actually be a good thing as it will help the site to get rid of escorts looking for clients.

    Lastly, how long will it be before we see the first university ISP block access through their servers to this and other identified Sugar sites?

    University ISP’s routinely block sites that are clearly illegal or generate excessive bandwidth use. I see them blocking porn sites and gambling sites before worrying about sugar sites. it won’t happen anytime soon except maybe at private religious universities.

    Anyway, I understand where you’re coming from… “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…”

    I choose not to be paranoid! :mrgreen:

  177. Pumpkin says:

    I missed a lot and just spent the last few minutes catching up on the threads.

    ***Honey*** Where can one read your blog? (think someone mentioned that you had/have one)

    **LoneGunman** You have raised some very interesting points.

    ***StormCat*** I do not know you but my condolences to you none the less. (You seem to be a prolific writer).

    Like those exiting and contemplating exiting SugaLand, I may be among you. I have not met with any real success. I tried to initiate contact with many (even was at my creative best…tailoring responses to posted profiles). What I have come away with? Someone who treated me like a long-distance escort-type prospect and another who seemingly will not compromise on condom-use (though he just MIGHT be generous financially).

    Perhaps my age, distance, unwavering commitment to my family and responsibility to my sexual health eliminates me…maybe my profile does not scream “contact me”…perhaps I am not desperate enough to be contacted. (I don’t even and will never do desperation!)

    September, remember!

    I love the blog and will stick around only for it. My resolve is to stick to my labour of love!

    So…

    “Until the day that one comes along (IRL), I’ll string (thread) along with you!” :)

  178. Arcadia SB says:

    Hello Everyone! I’m back from he abyss again, who knows how long I’ll stay surfaced. I’ve been moving around in the past few months and a week from tomorrow will be moving to Scotland to start postgraduate work in Edinburgh!

    Which leads me to a question. Seeing this .edu college baby stuff… I have a student e-mail addres, but in Britain they aren’t .edu. Seems a little unfair to international college babies…Though maybe they can work out some sort of exception.

    I’ve start to catch up and enjoy the SD top 5′s, very edifying. Now to try and read the 200 comments and try and catch up with what everyone’s been doing!

  179. Michael Alleycat says:

    Evening all!
    Quick update – starting with a new #1 SB in a week or so, kick-off is next weekend. Met her here, young but freakishly smart and motivated. Just quit med school to take a short-term WHO internship in Central America. As I tend to do, I have paid it forward and this has been received VERY gratefully and gracefully. We are txting most days, and talking some days. Could be very interesting, we’ll see how it goes. We have similar views on the world, and are similarly driven.

    Met 2 coffee pots last week and this week, in their late 30s. Lunch at The Phoenician, interesting meetings, but they just don’t follow through! Arranged to meet someone 2 weeks ago, we agreed on time and place, and she was a no-show – “but it was the day after my birthday!”. Uhhhh, you agreed to the time and place, so the problem is what?” Their problem, not mine. Next!

    Apart from that, all is good. Sick of this heat though, 110 again in Phx today. Ugh.

    Happy Birthday AM!

    Hi Stormy!

    Cleo – trust all is good.

    Spawn?

    SD Guru – the ex-#1 is still very ex. Glad to be rid of her, but it did get stretched out to 6 months!

    Bye for now. I’ll let you all know how it goes with the new #1.

    Remember – Those who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for those who do.

  180. Honey says:

    I just have a facebook page melange, one smart sugarbabe. I’m a bit to flighty for a full time blog at this point.

  181. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning!

    Thanks Alleycat! ;)

    Incubus was AMAZING! I thought we were in the 3rd row, but, come to find out the pit is GA so I was able to be right in the front against the rail! I took som amazing photos. Brandon was so close I could almost touch him….sigh. The best night ever!! :D

  182. Anna Molly says:

    Ooops, I meant some….I guess I’m still a little starstruck. lol

  183. Honey says:

    Anna Molly…SO jealous….

  184. Enigma SD says:

    hello all – regarding the legality of sugar dating. the courts have consistently ruled that if there is a relationship/companionship with intimacy and money exchanged, that this is not prostitution. So as Aurelia suggested, always avoid pay for play and you should be fine.

  185. steve says:

    Thanks to everyone for sharing information and insight with me. While still not perfectly clear I am much more confident about at least trying the site.
    Sent out my first emails this morning. All to ladies over forty (OK one said she was 39). Hopefully I will get a positive response or two.
    Again thanks.

  186. Mzz val says:

    Hello everyone

    Im new at this and wanted some key points on how to be a SB, I think i had this page for over a year now and yet i never had a request what am i doing wrong????? i really do want to meet a SD in NYC.

  187. Mzz val says:

    Can i find a SD that’s into thick women? I mean im not like 300 lbs but im a lil thick not sloppy i need a SB to teach me the ways of this life style.

  188. Stormcat says:

    Steve ~ this is the tedious part. It is a numbers game. Out of 100 inquiries about 65 will respond. Of those only 4 or 5 are legit. The others have some ulterior motive. (pros, web cam promoters, scammers, etc.) The legit ones will be cautious because they’ve been burned before, unless they are really new. They may come off as bitchy at first but it’s just a defense mechanism and they will become relaxed once they realize that you are real. That’s why I say that you have to court them. You have to show them that you are real and not just trying to take advantage of them. It’s tough because it’s hard to detect the scammers and for the real ones you have to find a balance between aggressively promoting yourself and appearing over anxious. For example even if you find a pot that is really attractive to you and she responds don’t answer immediately. But don’t wait 3 days either (that smells like manipulation) just think about it, for a day, and you will answer much better. Don’t wait too long to ask for a meeting. Be aware of her vulnerability and meet he in a public place like a restaurant. What ever you do don’t talk about sex. (even if she is a goddess and you want her immediately) hold off ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! She wants to know that there is a real caring relationship that meets her objectives before she will feel comfortable with even talking about intimacy. So take your time. Do not fake it. She will know. You have to be real and really there. If you feel nothing for her and just think that you want to shag her it will not happen and you will only be embarrassed. i.e. be true to yourself. After all that you can begin negotiating the arrangement. You already know that there is chemistry and that you want to spend time with this person. I mean not just lusting after her body but connecting with her is an real way. You love to hear her speak and are even interested in her pain and challenges. You understand her needs and while trying to help her, You allow her the independence to solve her own problems by being supportive and not interfering or taking over.
    Eventually the arrangement will stabilize. At that point the challenge is to keep it interesting and alive. This is often accomplished best by loosening your arrangement as the situation dictates rather than asking for more. (Don’t ask, don’t judge, don’t dictate.) Freedom with security is the feeling you want your SB to have. Realize it is her ferule nature that makes her so attractive. This is not to say don’t give her advice. Just to say don’t link her following your advice to her being right or wrong. Just give it freely and without care as to whether she accepts it or not, then let her make her own decisions. When you are with her, love her in that present place and let all else go.

  189. Enigma SD says:

    Steve – I have had three successful long term sugar relationships. Just be yourself and treat it like you would normal dating, but with a twist. If you are a match, then things should fall into place nicely and you can usually tell when it is right, just like you will be able to tell when it is no longer working for you.

  190. Hi SBs And SDs., I am very new at these, skeptical but excited to try something new, any pointers to help a starter like me?.. Thanks..:)

  191. Samantha says:

    Hello Everyone, So I got a message from a male who says he’s from Africa and does a lot of business trips. I’m not sure if this is a scam. On the main seeking arrangements page it says to not trust people from Africa. What do you think I should do to verify an identity?

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