3 years ago
Happy Labor Day… Work Hard and Play Hard
  • Posted Sep 2, 2011
  • Views 3398
  • Written by Brandon Wade

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My father loves to forward me interesting quotes or news items he receives from his friends.  Today, I received an email from him which I feel compelled to share with all of you, because the message seems right on for the upcoming Labor Day.

A question was posed to the Dalai Lama, “What thing about humanity surprises you?”
His answer: 
Man…
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money,
Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health,
And then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn’t enjoy the present,
And as a result he doesn’t live in the present or the future,
And he lives as if he’s never going to die,
And then he dies having never really lived. 
 

Fortunately, for most of us in the sugar world, this message does not apply, right?  Because we understand life is short and we only live once, and for this reason we live our lives to the fullest extent, making life sweet for ourselves and for those around us.

In theory, that may be true, but in practice, many of us in the sugar family (Sugar Daddies, Mommies and Babies alike) are still practicing what the Dalai Lama finds perplexing:  overworking to the detriment of our health, and stressing and worrying about the future.  I know I am super guilty of this.

The past few weeks have been tough and busy ones for me.  First, I was busy organizing and attending the Seeking Arrangement Party in New York (which received great coverage from NY Post and NY Pix: Watch Part 1; Watch Part 2; and Watch Part 3).  Then I had to fly all over the country to defend the Sugar lifestyle on a number of national television shows including The Dr. Drew Show;  HNL; and a few other yet to be announced Talk Shows.

So, now that it’s Labor Day, I decided it’s time for me to take short long-weekend break.  I am writing this blog from my hotel lobby in Maui, Hawaii, and after I am done, I am going to spend the next three days doing something I’ve always wanted to do:  learn how to surf.

On this Labor Day, I hope all of you Sugars will take some time off to relax and to self-reflect.   For those of us who have worked hard all year long, it’s time to take a break and perhaps to enjoy a little sugar relaxation.

ALOHA!

Are you guilty of what the Dalai Lama finds perplexing about humanity?

What have you planned / or did you do this Labor Day?

131 Responses to “Happy Labor Day… Work Hard and Play Hard”

  1. Stormcat says:

    No 1? That would be a first for me!

  2. Stormcat says:

    I’m not sure that the dali lama is so right on for me bc I, very much, am living in the moment. But, I’m not always sure that that works out so well either. As far as the weekend goes ~ no sugar planned but I’ve been invited to a festival that is all Addirondack mountian folk. Not too common for an outsider (city boy) like me. I just hope it isn’t like in Deliverance! lol

  3. Ally says:

    @ Brandon Wade
    Have fun learning to surf!!! I’m so jealous. It’s on my bucket list!!!

  4. The Lone Gunman says:

    @Stormcat: Paddle faster….I hear banjos!!!

    TLG

  5. Nico says:

    Happy Holiday Weekend!!! I actually have plans – although not over the weekend. They are during the week and very much looking forward to getting away and getting to know my gent a bit better :-)

  6. Honey says:

    Happy Holidays all. Stole this off my friends facebook status. Thought it apt…

    If you’re not being treated with love & respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It’s YOU who tells people what you’re worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack & get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! LEARN to value yourself more! If you don’t, no one else will!

  7. Blue Skies SB says:

    Lucky Number 7 here!
    Happy Holiday!

  8. texasugah says:

    Hey.. sup Honey!!

  9. SouthernGent2 says:

    A lazy Sunday afternoon makes for a good time to catch up on the blog. I bet I haven’t been in here for well over a month. The last blog was super reading (the five points, etc.). Wish I could have contributed there, but I know everyone has moved on now.

  10. Stormcat says:

    TLG ~ Well at least it’s not violins.
    Hey, I won the horseshoe pitching tournement but I came in last in the axe throwing contest.

  11. Divababy says:

    Hi all!!!

    I’m fairly new to this site but I always find myself reading up on these blogs…their so helpful.

    I need some advice from some SB’s or SD’s! After weeding out several potentials, I found one that I have agreed to meet with next week. After talking to him about meeting, I have become very hesitant. The only thing he talked about was the sexual aspect of it. He was in a rush and is currently on business so I haven’t been able to follow up with him. I seriously don’t even know if we plan to have dinner or if he just wants me to go to his hotel room. I feel like this is going in a direction that I don’t like…but IS THIS A BAD SIGN ALREADY? I guess I should wait to talk to him more once he is back in the country but I’d really like your advice!

    I so long for that arrangement that everyone seems to be talking about. One that benefits both parties, not just his sexual appetite! Am I being too picky or paranoid?

    Helpppppp please!!!

  12. LASB says:

    DivaBaby – No, you are not being too picky nor paranoid. A man who only talks about sex is looking for a hooker without having to call it that. In fact, if he hasn’t brought up the allowance, it means he is looking for a hooker who won’t make him pay. Run for the hills.

    I finally met with a pot who I had been corresponding with for a while. He was nice, educated, and decent looking. He asked what I was looking for in terms of an allowance and I threw out a sizable number. Without batting an eyelash, he said, “Yeah, that’s no problem.” For a second, I even thought “Wow, maybe I should have gone higher. This is LA after all.” Things went well, but towards the end of the meal, he said, “By the way, I can’t use condoms.” I said, “Not sure that will work for me, but maybe if you got tested and we built up some sort of trust.” He said he wouldn’t get tested!!! Well, so much for that. I wonder what he has that he wants to spread to me? LOL! I don’t care if it was $20k allowance, a Range Rover, and a house. So not worth it.

    Anyhow, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

  13. Nico says:

    HOLY CRAP LASB….he even declined to be tested?!?! There couldn’t be a flag anymore red than that!! CREEPY scary!!!!!

  14. Divababy says:

    Thanks,

    He told me the allowance I was looking for was acceptable and in the same sentence he told me he would give me $100 just for having to come out and meet him. I was in awe…I started to question whether the sugar life was for me. As a SB I knew I would be able to keep my dignity!

    I guess it’s back to the drawing board for me…

  15. Honey says:

    Hey Texas! I’m off to run the subway in singapore. Coming home tomorrow -25 hour flight and I arrive on the same day I left!! Lunch?

  16. jane says:

    @Divababy:

    Yuck. I don’t really understand these guys that want a “sugar baby” which to them seems to mean a woman who will get paid to sleep with them the first time they meet for sizable sums of money, and the men don’t want to do any other activities with sb. Why not just hire an escort? It would be a lot cheaper. You can become a regular client of an escort too, I don’t think there is a ton of objection to that on the escort’s part.

    Men, any input?

    To be honest, I will probably have a date with one of these types in a week or two, I am simply curious. I’ve already made up my mind that I will only go to dinner and then excuse myself. He’s made it clear that that’s perfectly all right with him. I would really like to understand this mindset. I find that I am becoming a very quick study of human interaction and behavior with sugar dating. It’s damned fascinating stuff. (Yes, I was an anthropology major.)

    It’s so odd to me, because he describes himself as a gentleman, but I think our definitions of that term must differ. I don’t think gentlemen expect women to sleep with them on the first date.

  17. jane says:

    @Divababy:

    Anothre thought – yes, LASB is right – a man who only talks about sex is looking for a hooker without having to call it that. Perfectly put. In my mind, sugar relationships should be about a lot more than just the sex.

  18. jane says:

    @Brandon Wade:

    Why aren’t we having an amazing sugar party in San Francisco? Need someone to organize it? Why yes, I’d LOVE to!!!

    Seriously, way to stimulate the economy, the conversation, and I would LOVE to go to a sugar party. Any other Bay Area peeps with me on this?

  19. Yanna says:

    Hi all,

    I’m a SB looking for fellow SBs in NYC to connect with in person- to talk about the good and the bad dates and men we encounter, and to share overall experiences and support with, every week or so. Anyone out there interested? Give me a shout or email!

  20. jane says:

    Yanna, I wish you were on the West Coast in SF. I feel the same way.

  21. Sara says:

    Hi guys!
    I’m new here and I REALLY need advice.
    I met a guy on SA who is 37 and lives about an hour away from me. The very first day we talked via email and he wanted to meet 3 days later (too soon?) He said that due to not being able to miss a work day driving to me and driving home, I should take a bus to see him. So I agreed and then he said he would meet me at 1 pm near the bus stop and spend a few hours with me over coffee. If he couldn’t miss a day of work driving to me, how can he meet me for all those hours when thats “a work day”. Does this sound sketchy??????? or am I just being parinoid?? He also said he would happily reimberse me for the bus ticket. Shouldn’t he have offered to buy it before I came?

    Please let me know what you think.
    Thanks to all <3

  22. Yanna says:

    @Sara- I personally would not feel comfortable spending my own money to accommodate someone else’s schedule if I did not yet know the person- pot SD or not. As for the hours, it doesn’t sound “sketchy” per se, but it is obvious that he is not willing to put in the time to convenience you. If he didn’t have the extra couple hours, he should have just waited for a weekend, or another day he would be available- especially since the two of you had only been talking for a short period anyway.

    That’s my two cents. If you are questioning what this guy’s about, the only way to ease your heart and mind is to ask HIM. Present your worries and concerns to him. It will show him that you’re taking this seriously, and don’t just hop on a bus for any poor ole schlub.

    Best of luck, Sara! Let us know how it goes. Xo

  23. Nico says:

    Sara ~ DON’T DO IT!! Never pay your own way. I’ve offered to research prices and ID some itinerary options but I have NEVER paid my own way…read back a few blogs about a gal that paid her own way (and her friend’s way). He took them to a hotel, used them and then bailed on them. A gentleman should be just that, a gentleman.

    Some will say not to even travel to him although I believe in compromise….if you can see him and he cannot come see you and you’re willing to make it work then do it. What does he do for a living? Why can he not take time off work?

    I would consider these all flags (personally) but if you wanted to give it a fair chance I would ask many more probing questions and then back them up with research.

  24. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Happy Labor Day Sugars!!

    LASB – What a loser! The sad part is some desperate soul will gladly accept his offer and risk her future. Pathetic! So glad you are well mistress!!!

    Nico – When do you meet with your gent? Keep us posted!

    Sara and Divababy – NEXT!!! If it means waiting longer, then wait. A gentleman will come to you for the first date, so just plan a date for a time when he is available to come to you. Safety first and you’re being asked to travel to an unfamiliar town to meet a stranger on your initial dime. HELL NO! Also, a man who talks nothing but sex is a HUGE red flag! There are plenty of men here who “date” or look for escorts on the site because the quality of women is higher…not because they are a gentleman or have a clue about arrangements. Screen relentlessly and listen to your instincts. Honestly, you both had the answers before you ever came here to ask. Good luck and stick around!

  25. Jamie says:

    Sara: I would just tell him you need him to come to you first.

    I am also seeking advice because I am new here. Many men message me their phone numbers. They expect me to just pick up the phone and talk to them. Have any of you girls actaully done this?? I would feel extremely akward doing so…. Please let me know what you think xo

  26. LASB says:

    Midwest – Good to see you around! Actually, he later told me that he gave up because no one he propositioned would take him up on his offer. LOL! So I guess that goes to show that LA women are smarter than people give us credit for. Well at least all the LA Asian women are. He said he only hit up the Asians. haha!

    Sara – A real SD will come to you, and at the very least, not make you take a bus. Wasn’t there another story about someone who got on a bus, traveled a few hours, and then was given pizza or something? Not my idea of sugar.

    Jamie – I’m with you on the phone number thing. I’ve had a few messages where the guy simply commands “Call me” and puts a number. No “hello,” no “I like your profile,” no intro. I wouldn’t even know what name to call him when he picked up the phone. I sort of look at those messages and think to myself, “Too bad I’m horrible at being bossed around,” and then I hit delete.

    Ok, clearly I’m in a snarky mood today. Happy Labor Day everyone.

  27. Nico says:

    As for the guy that says, “Call me and provides his number.” I know it may sound crazy but I have done that before. He was HORRIBLE at typing and was too paranoid to use his computer so everything he did was on his phone. I called him and there was a short term but very beneficial arrangement as a result. Obviously all the other screening requirements still fit….to each their own.

    Midwest – I have an amazing mini-getaway planned with my guy this week. We are headed to the mountains (Estes Park – Stanley Hotel). He’s planning all sorts of surprises and I’m getting a looooooongggg massage to celebrate the end of my move :-D. It will be a blast I’m sure!!!

  28. Nico says:

    lol…bad use of quotes – didn’t proofread first ~ sorry.

  29. Toni says:

    LASB
    Dude sounds disgusting. Anyone who cares so little of his health probably already has something so finds a condom to be pointless. How freaking gross. Glad you said no. I dont believe in that testinbg mess either. Just because it hasnt shown up yet doesnt mean he doesnt have it, also doesnt stop it from being transfer

  30. Enigma SD says:

    Jane — guys don’t want a professional escort because frankly not many guys want to be intimate with a woman who may be intimate with several other guys that day, week, etc. The come here thinking they can get the same thing for the same (or better price) with a woman isn’t an escort. People are always looking to get something for nothing or a free upgrade. They tend to pray on desperate or naive women here – a not so sugary side of sugar dating :(

    Sara — an SD should always cover your travel expenses and he should come to see you first IMHO NEXT

    LASB — so sorry — what a douchebag that guy is!

  31. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Everyone! I hope all of you had a nice holiday! :)

  32. soflogirlie says:

    Sara — Ive just been requested to do something simliar , and Im telling him NO WAY . He wants me to buy my own plane ticket to NYC and “says” he will reimburse me . I dont think so . When I was naive and new to this , I did just that – bought my ticket and made the flight to somewhere 1300 miles away . I landed , called the guy , and he didnt answer . Basically he got cold feet and I ended up in the red . So never again . . . . . . . Even better this current guy who wants me to buy my own flight , then just wants me to meet him at an apt . Im sorry , but I like to meet for dinner and drinks first . And I dont think thats asking too much .

  33. soflogirlie says:

    Also , random question —- has anyone been to those mixer parties in NYC ? Any fun ? Im tempted to come up to the next one in October , but Im def not going alone . Any ladies on here going ?

  34. Sara says:

    Thank you for guys so much for helping, I wrote him an email hinting that he should come to me and he wrote back explaining he didn’t have time and that most wealthy hard working men don’t have time to meet a girl for the first meeting. I didn’t love his answer but decided to risk it, and we ate at a small chinese restaurant and he gave me 40 dollars to cover the 30 dollars it cost me to get there. He then told me he wanted to see me at least once a week and that I had to travel to him for one day trips (travel time is 5 hours roundtrip) I feel like he’s asking a lot…I’d spend half my day stuck on a bus. I don’t know if it’s worth it. He also said he would prefer giving me money as a present after we saw eachother (or slept together) and he wouldn’t give me a dollar amount yet.

  35. Arcadia SB says:

    @Sara, he sounds somewhat legitimate, but I’ve found the most generous “real” SDs I’ve met have given me around $100 for my time/gas/travel on the first meet. Also I liek to agree on some sort of range just so I can know if it’s what I’m looking for. Maybe say “I understand how you feel, but I’m look for around $1500 a month, depending on how thing progress with us” just so it’s clear. IF he wants to negotiate, and you’re willing to as well, then it might work out. But would it be worth $40 a week? I think you need more info/communication on what he wants. Though I’ve been without an SD for 9 months now, so I may not be the best to take advice from.

    Also, To the board. Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to SD Guru and the other SDs who sponsored the contest I was runner up in back many moons ago. I leave for the UK on Friday and my second place was able to cover half my plane ticket, which was a huge help. Not only do I get to go to my friend’s wedding, but on a whim I applied to a master’s program in Scotland and found out at the end of July that I’d been accepted! So I’m moving to Europe for two years! and getting a lot of student loans…but it’ll all workout. Hoping to find a nice European SD, but at least I’ll have an adventure, even if I’m eating Ramen Noodles every night. I think me experiences here on the board and with SA were what spurred me to take the chance and I wanted to thank everyone on this board who’s given advice and just shared stories and ideas and anything about their life. Thanks everyone for encouraging me to chase after those crazy dreams.

  36. LASB says:

    Arcadia – Congratulations! That’s wonderful!

    Sara – $10 and chinese food in exchange for 5 hours of bus travel and having to converse with a selfish guy on top of that? I’m really hoping that he surprises you with a nice allowance, but from the sounds of it he is a p4p guy at best, and possibly wanting to take a test drive. I noticed that when the guy doesn’t want to talk about support for an SB, it’s because he’s not offering any. And perhaps truly wealthy guys don’t have time to travel for you, but they at least send a driver or limo.

  37. UKSD says:

    So I went to see a pot SB for the first time, took her out for dinner and drinks…even gave her a little gift for meeting…a DKNY purse with £50 inside…but when I went to drop her home…she saw fit to take a can of Diet Coke from my car and put it inside her handbag??? Is it just me or was that a serious turn off????

  38. SD Guru says:

    @UKSD
    she saw fit to take a can of Diet Coke from my car and put it inside her handbag??? Is it just me or was that a serious turn off????

    How did the meeting go and how old is she? So she lacks manners, but if she had just asked for it then it’s probably not a big deal. If the meeting went well and there is mutual interest to pursue further, ask yourself in the grand scheme of things is this just a minor annoyance or a deal breaker?

    @Sara
    I feel like he’s asking a lot… I don’t know if it’s worth it… and he wouldn’t give me a dollar amount yet.

    Trust your gut instinct. He may yet surprise you with his generosity, but based on what you described so far I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    @Arcadia SB

    Congrats on your graduate study and I wish you the best!! I’m glad the contest contributed to your trip.

  39. soflogirlie says:

    @Sara — Um yeah , Id say thats not worth it . And I agree with LASB – he does sound like p4p . He would have to be very surprising with a monthly offer .

    As for mine , when I told him I wasnt going to buy my own flight , he then gives it the whole well then this wont work , blah , blah , blah . Good I have absolutely no interest making it work with someone that is going to cost me $ upfront .

  40. Yanna says:

    @UKSD I laughed out loud at that. On to the next one, in my opinion. No telling what she’d pocket if you two went on vacation and stayed in a nice hotel…!

  41. Enigma SD says:

    UKSD — did she take an unopened can of diet coke for her to consume or was she helping with cleaning up your car (empty can)? If she was tidying up, I wouldn’t think it was that big of a deal — she probably was running out of hands to carry things. If she took an unopened can without asking, I would have some serious concerns about her manners – just taking stuff without asking?? wtf lol

  42. Stormcat says:

    UKSD ~ Maybe I don’t get it! She took one coke to drink later. It’s not like she stocked up by filling her bag. I’d think you should feel happy that she felt comfortable enough with you to help herself. I mean when she is staying at your place for the night are you going to tally everything she consumes and deduct it from her allowance? By the way was it actually your car or a rented limo. I mean drinks are gratis and expected in a rented limo. It’s like taking a mint on the way out of a resteraunt.

  43. Jane says:

    @Sara – you only get one chance to make a good first impression. This guy sounds like he failed. I would be on to the next. Do you *really* want to spend your time and your own money on a guy who is so selfish he makes you travel five hours to be with him for some sh*^%tty Chinese and a tenner? Come on. You already know better. On to the next. 5 hours on a bus – horrid!

    I find that guys who are so inflexible, so unwilling to accommodate – they are going to continue to take that attitude into the arrangement. No thanks.

    @Enigma SD: thanks for the insight. That makes a lot of sense.

  44. Alli says:

    I saw a few new people asked for advice on this thread so I’m going to give it a go because you all seem so nice. Do any of you get money from an sd via paypal? I got an offer to do webcam shows and chat 2 times a week for 400 a month. He wants to pay me through paypal (before I do anything) but a year or so ago a guy sent me money and then took the payment back. I’m worried about him takinf back all the money he puts into my paypal. Is there anyway to prevent this from happening? I can’t even find anything online about paypal money to a person being refunded.

  45. Enigma SD says:

    Alli — I paid all of my SBs via paypal but I never attempted to take the money back. I think once you transfer the money from your paypal account to your linked bank account, it is pretty much impossible to take the money back. So as soon as he makes a transfer to your paypal, transfer it to your bank account. Best wishes!

  46. LASB says:

    Alli – Paypal reveals to him your full real name. If it’s some random web guy, you may not want that. You may suggest something along the lines of Amazon gift cards.

    I find that guys who are so inflexible, so unwilling to accommodate – they are going to continue to take that attitude into the arrangement. No thanks.
    Jane, you make a valid point. People are typically on their best behavior on the first date, because they are trying to make a good first impression and get you to agree to see them.

    Sara, If that’s his best behavior, expect it to only go downhill from there.

  47. LASB says:

    UKSD – Sounds like something you’d see in a Seinfeld episode! I agree that that’s odd, but odd in a way that you can’t really bring it up to her without sounding petty. Personally, if someone I just met was taking random things from my car without asking, it would make me feel uneasy. So either she is a very casual person, or she’s a clepto. Did she at least thank you for the date and the purse with a follow up email or phone call?

  48. UKSD says:

    SDGuru: she is in her early twenties…the meeting went reasonably well…didn’t sense much chemistry but there’s nothing wrong with her per se….it’s a minor annoyance but I’m trynna figure out if it’s the straw that broke the camels arrangement lol

    Yanna: can u imagine on holiday she turns up wi a really really big bag and starts wrapping it round the bed……hahahaaaa

    EnigmaSD: unopened can, and she out it in her bag halfway thru the car journey home

    Storm cat: I’m not that type of guy that tallies stuff….I mean if shed opened it in the car I wouldn’t have blinked an eye, or as we were pullin up her place if she’d sed she was thirsty….but she casually just picked it up an put it in her bag…the mints are gratis not the candleholders

    LASB: you’ve hit the nail on the head, definitely a Seinfeld moment! I wanted to burst out laffin, on the way home I kept looking at the now empty cup holder and thinking…I’m thirsty lol. On a serious note, yes she thanked for the gifts.

  49. Stormcat says:

    UKSD ~
    Well is it a fact driven situation. On the surface it first seemed innocent, but now that you’ve given us more facts, it does smack of rather low class behavior. So now you have to ask yourself whether you want to make the effort to correct it or just move on. She may not have been taught proper behavior and could use some guidence. On the other hand she may be outrageous just to challenge your own sense of appropriateness. Or, you have encountered some real trash and need to move on. Your call.

  50. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Arcadia – YAY!!!!! Good for you for!!!! I’m so glad you are taking the time to adventure now before life, career and family come along. Please keep us updated! It looks like there’s a blog UKSD who just might be able to introduce you to Scotland! :-) I hear he keeps his car stocked with Diet Coke!

    UKSD – Welcome! I wouldn’t worry too much about it. When you don’t really like someone much, it doesn’t take much to turn you off. Consider it a sign and look for the diamond.

    Sara – Do NOT go any further with this guy. Your instincts are warning you and you are questioning every move. You have to trust yourself. If you are in need of funds, don’t let it drive you to make poor choices. There are good, generous men out there. If you continue seeing this guy, you’re going to get a poor representation of what sugar can really be.

    Heyyyyyy sugars!!!

  51. UKSD says:

    Stormcat: I think that you’re right, she’s just not been taught proper etiquette, but sadly I dont have have the energy to correct it! Think I’ll just move on….swiftly

    Midwest: …now where’s that elusive diamond??.? ;)

  52. Nicole says:

    Hello, gorgeous people!
    I just joined the website and I haven’t met anyone yet.
    I want to ask you girls a advice to how to talk to the sugar daddies about what I want.
    I’m very shy and do not know how to do this.
    What I should keep in mind or be careful of?
    Please girls, help me….

    Nicole,

  53. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    UKSD – She’s heading your way…I just know it! :-)

  54. Anna Molly says:

    Evening Sugars! Have you ever been tired and sleepy, but, you can’t sleep? It really sucks!! Ugh…

  55. Arcadia SB says:

    @Midwest – ha ha, on the up side I don’t drink diet coke, can’t stand aspartame, so I wouldn’t have been tempted to make off with a diet coke. Though I know I’m going to go through high-fructose corn syrup withdrawal when I start having to drink real coke with real sugar (turns out the highfructose stuff is illegal in the UK)

    But seriously…taking an unopened diet coke? The only situation I can possibly imagine my doing this is if I say got a can of coke in the restaurant, ended up not drinking it, and brought it with me…It’s just weird…not terrible, but definitely weird.

    I’ve finally discovered I can’t put off packing anymore, since I’m supposed to get on the plane in about 36 hours…I’m tearing through the boxes in storage at my parents house like a mad woman :)

  56. jane says:

    @Alli – If the SD marks it as a gift, you will get 100% of the funds, and he cannot revoke the funding.

  57. jane says:

    @Anna Molly: Benadryl.

  58. Stormcat says:

    UKSD ~ By the way, welcome to the blog. Be careful it’s addictive! So where are you generally located. I did a sabbattical in London and on another occation spent a little time in the country (a little village outside Oxford) Also, two roomies at university were Jordies.

  59. Stormcat says:

    AM ~ Don’t try to sleep. Lie down, Be silent and enjoy the present moment. Clear your mind by focusing on your breathing. Watch how you breath without controlliong it and let everything else go. Even if you don’t go to sleep don’t worry about it. Just enjoy the stillness.

  60. Stormcat says:

    Arcadia ~ The monosaccharides Glucose, Galactose, and Fructose are all 6 carbon sugars that, if of the appropriate isomeric form, all taste sweet and readily metabolize but if not neither taste sweet nor metabolize. In fact, both Glucose and Galactose are converted into Fructose in the first steps of the metabolic pathway. What you call real sugar, i.e. sugar derived from sugar cane and sugar beets is Sucrose. Sucrose is actually a disaccharides composed of Glucose linked to Galactose and has to be broken down before it can be metabolized. I doubt Fructose is illegal in the UK but is probably highly unpopular due to commercially motivated media hype. Sorry TMI

  61. Stormcat says:

    I meant to say Sucrose is actually a disaccharides composed of Glucose linked to Fructose . . . Glucose-Galactose is the milk sugar Lactose. Sorry my mistake.

  62. Alli says:

    @ Jane: Thank you, I will ask him to do that.

    Thanks to the rest of you who helped as well.
    I have one more question, a guy wants to meet me and he’s a diamond club member so he’s probably legit, but he wants me to stay in his hotel room (for a night and then spend the day with me) when he comes into town. He said he would be fine with just sharing the bed and if anything did happen that’s fine too. This would be our first meeting. Considering I would be close to home and could easily leave it wouldn’t be that dangerous right? I made it clear I wanted financial help and he said he would be generous and give me an amount I would be pleased with. Do I keep probing and asking how much before I meet him? Should wait until I meet him and then I tell him I would like the money before I agree to sleep in his hotel room? If I wait he could try to give me 100 bucks and it would be awkward to demand more as he was handing it to me in person.
    Thoughts? What would you do?

    Thanks

  63. Honey says:

    Hello blog, Singapore was a trip!
    Maybe that coked up sugarbaby wanna be was just thrifty, or cheap or scottish,just kidding about Scottish part…
    Maybe she is so broke, that she was planning on having it with her lunch tomorrow. Maybe she is just that tacky…
    I once dated a guy who WAS that cheap. he was running for a public office to get elected and he would pocket a sprite for me and a coke for him(can’t remember if it was diet or not), along with cookies in napkin and stuff. I was not amused. Even at 20 I thought he was tacky. He won..that was the year when they were electing anything that ran under the R symbol…

    Alli, you need to be way more careful and choosy. be careful it’s a jungle out there
    If you want to go , he really should give you the money when you first get there, if he doesn’t, I would take that as a maybe not..
    You sound like you are not too sure about him. trust your instincts…don’t let desperation make you blind to some of the signs…

  64. soflogirlie says:

    @Alli — I feel your pain . That seems to be a very popular method with the Pot SDs right now . I agree , whats fair to them may not be fair to you . But if you bring it up again , then its just “all about the $” so really its a catch 22 . Id like some advice on this too.

  65. Enigma SD says:

    Alli — if you were on a regular dating site, and I guy asked you to stay in his hotel room the first night, would you be ok with that? Don’t compromise just because there is money involved — that isn’t what sugar dating is all about. There should be friendship and mutual respect.

  66. Arcadia SB says:

    Stormcat – I followed you there for a while, then I got ose-d out ;) I can’t remember where I heard it was banned, but apparently it is a comewhat common misconception, so at least I’m not alone!…but apparently it is just “highly frowned upon” to use in the UK. Apparently “isoglucose production in the UK is limited to roughly 2% of sugar production” (according to the greenists dot com)…maybe I should have researched first and typed second. Whoops! I never let the truth get in the wat of a good story ^_^

  67. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Alli / soflgirl – Here’s the story with Diamond Club…their wealth may be somewhat verified, but the paperwork doesn’t vouch for their behavior. Don’t let the title cloud your vision. The first meet should be lunch or dinner with a time limit of a few hours. If you stay overnight, it’s in your own room with a non-cancellable reservation. He’s Diamond and can afford the room….heck, he can get the room on points likely. If he seems put out, let him know it’s important to be comfortable and respectful in an arrangement. If he continues to push, I would walk away. Enigma makes a good point… Bottom line is to be absolutely certain you are safe and that he is genuine.

    As for double standards…the world is full of them. It doesn’t mean you have to play the game. You may wait a long time to meet a genuine SD, but anything GREAT and AMAZING requires learning, patience and effort. When done right, it’s one of the best experiences you’ll ever realize.

    Arcadia/ Stormcat – All the artificial sweeteners give me headaches even though they have different compositions. I can’t explain it, but even if I don’t know a gum is artificially sweetened, I’m in pain an hour later. I gave up soft drinks for Lent and now only have one or less a week. You’ll be just fine. Make some iced tea with a little sugar and some peppermint flavor. You’ll love it!

    Happy days sugars!!!

  68. soflogirlie says:

    Midwest SB — Oh trust me , I know it can work out great , beyond great. perhaps thats my problem . The very first man I ever met from this site , ( a few years ago ) was PERFECT , I mean wonderful . honest, open , fun, great friends , and always came through on his end . But of course all good thing come to an end . So I go back onto the site with rose-colored glasses on , thinking all the other pot SDs would be just as great as him . WOW ! Have I been disappointed ! A few years changed alot — theres so many more fakes and scammers and just everyone looking for immediate gratification and a quick fix . Im honestly shocked about how much BS Ive encountered on here. I honestly think its just a hobby for some . . .. . But since I know he just cant be the only one in the world like that , I somehow remain hopeful that lightning will strike twice . :-)

  69. UKSD says:

    Storm cat: thanks for such a warm welcome..not only to you but everyone here…I must confess I was addicted to the blog just over a year ago! I’m based in Scotland but I do travel down to England quite frequently….speaking of jeordies…MTV have launched a uk version of jersey shore called jeordies shore…..Ooof major tv trash!!!

  70. Stormcat says:

    UKSD ~ jeordies shore? LMAO! Does Newcastle actually have a shore? I thought all they had was a brewery under the bridge. Well I guess a river counts as a shoreline. Anyway I don’t watch TV so I’ll never see either version.
    Scottish eh! Well I’m a Highlander by ancestry. If you happen to be in Edinborough stop in at the End of the world pub and have a pint for me!

  71. Jane says:

    @Alli: Enigma SD brings up the perfect point. I’ve had a pot sd say almost the exact same thing to me: “we’ll meet for dinner, and if you’re interested in being my SB, I’ll expect you to come up to my room for a long night of champagne and sex.”

    Oh yeah. Ooh baby. Turn. Me. On.

    Um, no. He was very selfish – One: he wanted to meet on a Thursday night. He didn’t even ask if I work! Like, hello! I have somewhere to be at 9 every day! Two, I was coming over from a different city – he didn’t factor in MY convenience at all!!!
    Three: he didn’t mention condoms, testing, nothing.
    All of the interactions on his part were completely self-centered.

    Now, I have nothing against long nights of champagne and sex, or even making a judgement call and going without rubbers. My best male friend and I met that way, except there was a lot less food and no champagne involved. But my point is that we had already established a comfortable rapport and dialog, and there were no hints of coercion involved.

    It’s really hard sometimes, because money IS such a carrot – but you need to be safe, not sorry. No money is worth your emotional well-being, or a disease that will be with you For A Lifetime.

    It sounds like money is of a big concern to you right now – are you solvent on your own? If not, please remember it’s never wise to act out of fear or desperation. That’s when poor choices are usually made.

  72. maedonahue says:

    That is so true I didn’t know what the sugar daddy sugar baby was about until later in life. I would love to make one of the sugarbaby parties in new York sometime!!

  73. Alli says:

    @ Jane: You made some really good points. I’m not desperate for money, I’m just new to this and don’t know which things I should and shouldn’t put up with. Many of the guys here seem really selfish, they want me to come to them for the first meeting, they want me to send endless face pictures, they want phone calls (before meeting), ugh it’s fustrating. Me and this guy have talked on the phone once and we’ve IMed several times. I don’t think he would force me to have sex with him but his ego is through the roof and if I didn’t and he wanted to I can picture him being insulted. I told him I have rules and I don’t have sex of the first date and he replied “oh so if theres an intense amount of passion and we can’t control ourselves, you would stop yourself and let us both suffer because of some silly rule?” I felt manipulated in a way.

  74. solflogirlie says:

    @ Alii — this guy sounds like a douche, IMHO. Arrogance is a dealbreaker for me anyway. But if hes already saying your rules are “silly” you know hes going to push for more , and he doesnt seem to respect your opinions .

  75. Bee says:

    I think we should make a *secret* blog (that sds don’t know about) and on it we can leave sd’s profile numbers and the pros and cons about them, not specifics just things like were they the person in their pic, did we end up meeting them and getting barely any money, were they really touchy feely in person, did they actually turn out to be generous and polite, etc. What do you guys think? If it takes off, then we could all just google their profile numbers and check out their “reviews” and see if we are wasting our time or not.
    Idk, just an idea. If anyone like the idea I can set up the blog and then post it here.

  76. Semi-newbie says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I have been reading the blog for almost a year but this is my first time saying something.
    I completely share the above frustrations.
    I’m not completely new to sugarland. I had a SD for about a year. He was the first and only pot I had met when I started a year ago. He mentioned in his first email that how much budget he had. I then went on the first date, great chemistry. I slept with him on the second date without any mentioning of money, because I really liked him and would want to sleep with him even without the money. He then kept up his end of the bargain by giving me cash almost every other time we met for the amount of allowance we agreed.
    Now it’s ended I’m back in the search again. This time was hard. I found it’s particularly hard because SDs are either not mentioning a thing about allowance despite the fact I clearly state that I’m looking for x amount to pay off my student loan in my profile or they are looking for P4P. I declined all P4P offers, but do not know how to bring the question about allowance up.
    I read all the blog postings and even bought the SA book, but still don’t know what to do. I met some pots. The dates usually go well and they would always ask me to go back to their place to “see their art collections” and I always decline. They would then ask to see me again. I tried to ask that that kind of arrangement they want. They would reply with something that implies sex and “they would be generous”.
    I think it’s right, in fact it’s what I intend to do, to have sex on the second or third date without any expectations on my side to see how compatible we are sensually with the pot SD that I genuinely like. But I what to get the allowance talk out of the way before sex and the avoidance on the SDs’ side is killing me. There is a great difference between taxi money and a 3000 allowance and I just want to make sure that we have the same understanding of “generosity”. Moreover, I want the allowance to be timely without me having to ask for it.
    I don’t want to go like ” I need x amount a month. Would it be fine with you?” because usually my first date is very much like a regular first date and I personally have a great problem talking about money. Our conversations have not been sexual either but I’ve never try to change the topic when sex does come up.
    So any suggestions? Please help!

  77. Tanya says:

    Been busy with classes to catch up on the blog much. In school 2 weeks and have my final for one class this Tuesday! Love when professors let me work ahead! A little nervous though. Wish me luck haha.

    As for sugar, I have pretty much stopped talking to many pot’s because I will not settle for p4p. Thought about it for a while but no matter the amount they offer, which was in the thousands, I am not emotionally or mentally cheap. I have however been thinking a lot about what I am truly looking for. Age frame, allowance, they must meet me close to my area, etc. I feel more positive and confident going in with specifics rather than feeling as though I have to settle just to pay my bills. I did have a pot from the recent past contact me again. I found him very attractive and enjoyed the few dates we shared. My only hesitation is normally if I am not presented with a gift of any sort the first few dates I next them. I will see what happens. Hoping to see him again soon. Will post progress as it happens, if it does with all pots.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend! Stay safe and remember that if you do not respect yourself and your time then they will not either!

  78. Tanya says:

    Correction, not with all pots… meant with any pots :)

  79. Semi-newbie says:

    P.S. The reason I broke up with my first SD was

  80. Nico says:

    Welcome Semi-Newbie ~ if you’ve been lurking for a while then you’ve likely already seen many similar questions and a variety of responses. This is a very common question and there are always varied responses. Of course, the circumstance tends to dictate how you handle this but I would suggest being comfortable with your number (allowance, what you’re looking for etc) makes you a more confident individual when bringing up this issue and discussing it (sticking to your guns – or negotiating). I won’t typically bring up allowance on a first date (I’ll confirm in previous emails that we’re at least on the same page) but I will discuss it if they ask. On the second date or by phone I might bring it up by asking what they were looking for….they will then generally ask the same of you….if not, this is still an opportunity.

    Being comfortable/confident with what you’re looking for and what you add to the arrangement will helps loads :-) GOOD LUCK and welcome!

  81. Semi-newbie says:

    P.S. The reason I broke up with my first SD was the allowance talk too.
    The allowance was done by him giving cash now and then because he’s married. But as we grew closer, he started to give me less frequently for a less amount. The amount would barely cover what I paid for the food we ordered every time we meet. My guess was because he felt uncomfortable giving me cash and I’ve always been uncomfortable taking them. I felt very hurt because I think that shows him not appreciating me because he knew I needed the money for my student loans. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it, instead, I just made up an excuse and ended the arrangement. I know I should try talking about first and I’m pretty sure he would give me what I need if I only ask, but I found it terribly hard to even mention money with someone I’ve having sex with and pretty fond of without feeling cheap.
    I’m really not asking much. 1000 monthly for weekly meetings and I live in Manhattan!!
    I read the post on re-negotiation, but does anyone have a way to talk about money without talking about it?

  82. Nico says:

    I probably shouldn’t say this because I’m putting words into the mouths of men; however, I’ve heard this from a few in my time and that is they appreciate people that are straight-forward and honest about what they want. Being vague and ambiguous puts a huge question mark over people’s heads and very hard to discern what they want/need.

  83. Semi-newbie says:

    @Nico
    Thank you so much for the response. I did not bring it up on the first date and never intended to. But in follow-up emails after the first date, I usually ask that they’re looking for and their typically response would be “I’m not looking for a girl”. I knew that and I had made it abundantly clear that I’m not looking for boyfriend either! but then, I still have no clue of how to start an allowance talk apart from just hinting:(
    Also I’m very clear of what I want. I’m asking for the amount equal to my monthly payment of my student loan, a very reasonable amount. I’m not desperate and not willing to settle for less. Either am I looking to start a bidding war and sell myself out the highest bidder. My ideal SD is the one who I find most attractive among those who find the allowance reasonable.
    My problem is not allowance negotiation but more of how to give out the number without sounding abrupt.

  84. Semi-newbie says:

    @Nico
    Thank you again. I completely agree with you.
    But I wasn’t being vague. I did put an exact numeric number in my profile as to what I need. I know it might sound too much to ask, but I just need the pots to say ” I saw you put X amount in your profile. I wonder if that’s what you need.’ I need the conversation starter to start the money talk. And when now and then I’m asked of that question in emails, I always gave a straight-forward answer.
    But whenever a SD does not initiate the talk, I don’t know how to initiate it myself.
    What’s your advice?

  85. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Semi-newbie and Tanya – I’ve found one of the easiest ways to bring up allowance is to ask them what were the specifics of their previous arrangements. Ask what they did and didn’t like about the arrangement and it can lead you into talking about your needs.

    ****THIS IS IMPORTANT***

    You MUST know what you need and be unapologetic about asking for it. This is not a traditional dating site and you should not feel bad for asking for financial assistance. There are signs all over the site that indicate women will be seeking help. Most of these wealthy men became wealthy by asking for the money and you have to overcome your fear of doing the same. The reality is that the site now has a small percentage of SDs who are willing to provide an allowance, so you’re going to have to weed through a ton of “nos”….do you want to do this before or after you’ve gone through weeks of conversations? Do your pot SD and yourself a favor and get over the fear of asking…ask up front…if he says no, then move on. You don’t know them and they don’t know you so what’s the worst that can happen?

    Semi-newbie- I’m appalled that you were buying dinner with the allowance. He is not a gentleman and you were right to get out of it. He should have covered any expenses above and beyond the allowance. How can you pay off student loans with that kind of an arrangement? It’s great that you were together for a year, but it seems as though it was not mutually beneficial. This happened because he took advantage of the fact that you wouldn’t/ couldn’t talk money. That’s a tough lesson and I hope it inspires you to be more assertive. If he calls you names or tells you he doesn’t have to pay for sex, then he doesn’t understand sugar. You don’t have to let him manipulate you away from your goals so he can satisfy his needs. MUTUAL, MUTUAL, MUTUAL!!!!!! Say it until you believe it.

    If I sound harsh, I don’t mean to. It’s just happening too often and the lack of knowledge combined with desperate times are lowering the standards of sugar. This attracts men who will take advantage of a situation so the women MUST be able to protect themselves. (((Hugs)))

  86. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Here’s a thought…what if the SDs had drop-down boxes such as:

    I’m joining Seeking Arrangement in order to:
    a) be a Gift Daddy
    b) be an Allowance Daddy
    c) date hot women

    I’m able to provide an allowance above and beyond dating expenses in the amount of:
    a) gifts and shopping only and when I choose
    b) $500-$1000 monthly
    c) $1000-$3000
    d) over $5000

    I am seeking to engage in a mutually beneficial arrangement:
    a) for less than 3 months
    b) for 3-6 months or longer
    c) long term

    These are quick thoughts, but seems like a good place to start.

  87. Semi-newbie says:

    @Midwest
    Thank you so much for the encouraging reply. My ex SD is a nice guy. I guess he’s just not a qualified SD. The arrangement just had a life of its own and evolved into more of an affair than an arrangement. And I started to assume a lover/mistress role against my own intention.
    I don’t know if the SD i’m talking to have experiences. My guess is most of them don’t.
    Your advice helps a lot. I’m going to repeat UNAPOLOGETIC a million times until I can act that way:) I felt terribly apologetic asking for money even as a teenager from my parents.

  88. Semi-newbie says:

    @midwest
    Nice list. I totally agree!

  89. Tanya says:

    I find it easy to discuss allowance. I type something like:

    Pardon me for being so blunt ,I like to get the details of the now so that when we meet we can enjoy each others company , but what is it that you are seeing in an arrangement and what are you looking to offer the lucky lady.

    I find that it shows you are considering them by means of wanting to spend more quality time with them in person rather than talk business. I have never had a negative reaction. many people actually are relieved that I want to get it out of the way and spend more time getting to know them. Hope that is useful! And if anyone has an opinion about how I do it let me know. I would love for you to share :)

  90. Tanya says:

    haha all typos tonight. I meant ‘get the details out of the way now’ and ‘what is it your seeking’ :)

  91. Sara says:

    @semi-newbie: I always wait until an SD messages me and if he’s not a complete weirdo I always work in the question “what is your ideal arrangement?, I would like to see if we are on the same page” this way they have to ask me the question back. In my answer I always say I need atleast 1k a month if we see eachother 2 x a month, if we see eachother more the price is higher. The worst answer I’ve ever gotten is “sorry I can’t afford that” and I moved on. You CANNOT be scared. In your head you need to have the attitude “I’m worth atleast x ammount” and then you need to give off the impression that you will not settle for less. There are guys on here that will try to get away with giving you the least they possibly can but if you show them that you wont stick around if they cant provide what you need many will step their game up because they can afford it. Also remember, there are some nice not so rich guys on here and if he doesnt have the money to help you, you need to keep looking because there are lots more sds in the sea.Goodluck!

  92. SD Guru says:

    @Bee
    I think we should make a *secret* blog… we could all just google their profile numbers and check out their “reviews”…

    This idea has been discussed before and there were numerous attempts at black lists in the past. Here’s one example. Most of the efforts eventually fizzled out over time for various reasons. If something can be googled then is it still a secret?? :)

    By the way, please stop posting under different aliases. What’s wrong with being yourself??

    @Semi-newbie
    does anyone have a way to talk about money without talking about it?

    The days of getting what you want without asking for it in the sugar world is long gone. Most SD’s are successful business people with good negotiation skills and you need to think of yourself as an equal at the negotiating table. In life you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

    I found it terribly hard to even mention money with someone I’ve having sex with and pretty fond of without feeling cheap.

    You’re the type of SB addressed in the previous blog topic: “5 rules for aspiring SB’s“. See rule #2: “as a sugar baby, you must realize that part of your ‘role’ in an arrangement is to graciously accept the benefits from your sugar daddy.” Don’t let pot SD’s take advantage of your reluctance to accept sugar from them.

    I’m asking for the amount equal to my monthly payment of my student loan… But whenever a SD does not initiate the talk, I don’t know how to initiate it myself.

    You’ve been able to articulate your needs on this blog very clearly. Wouldn’t it be pretty easy to just tell a pot SD exactly what you wrote? See “Questions Every Newbie SB’s should ask” in my blog.

    @Midwest SB
    Here’s a thought…what if the SDs had drop-down boxes such as:

    That’s a great idea, but it still won’t stop people from putting whatever they want in their profile. And that is the peril of the online world as we really don’t know people’s true intentions until you deal with them in person. No amount of drop down boxes can take place of screening relentlessly! :)

  93. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Guru – You are absolutely right in that nothing replaces screening relentlessly.

    However, I think that answering those questions will help solidify to new SDs that there are different types of arrangements (some involving allowances); that they should not be surprised when a woman asks for details about arrangements; that this is not a typical dating site (wife-seekers and johns need not apply); and just set a better expectation overall. The same could be said for the SB profiles (no hookers or scam artists).

    We all know business and the more desirable women SA has on the site, the more male members who pay a nice fee (even pay to become Diamond certified) will join the site. That doesn’t mean there can’t be a better balance between quality vs. quantity. A club can let the ladies in for free, but still insist on a proper dress code and have prices/ menus/ atmosphere that attract a certain clientele. See what I mean?

  94. Honey says:

    Midwest- well said!! everything you have said I agree with spot on, and you explain it nicely.

  95. UKSD says:

    I’m drunk in Edinburgh……blame stormy cat!!,

  96. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Divababy–I don’t think meeting first in a hotel room is a good idea for the SD or SB. There is a good chance you won’t like him in person, so why risk an uncomfortable situation? The best for me has always been meeting over coffee–if I like the SB the coffee will last a couple of hours, if not, 20-45 min. Plus, I learned not to get too physical on first meets because sometimes after a night’s sleep, I decide someone is not right for me, but in the spontaneity of the first meet, that might not be as clear.

    LASB–My last SB, whom I was with for several months, said she was allergic to condoms, so we never used them. I kinda trusted her (perhaps foolishly), but it turned out fine. And I was tested afterwards and was OK. But the whole time I worried if she was really taking the pill and whether she was sleeping around. With my current SB, I used condoms initially until we built trust (and I was tested), and neither of us seem particularly worried about it atm since we trust each other. But for someone you don’t know well, a condom is a must.

    jane–Well, I find an escort to be kinda gross because of sleeping around too much and there being no meaningful personal friendship, so I prefer an SB who can be my best friend and my lover at the same time.

    Sara–Unless the guy steps up to the plate in a major way, he sounds like a dud.

    UKSD–if the diet coke was the only issue, I wouldn’t worry.

    Alli–I think the answer to the guy’s offer, quite simply, is no.

    Semi-newbie–I think it’s an SD’s job to explain the arrangement. It makes him look like he knows how it all works and show that he is generous at the same time. I don’t think there is anything wrong with an SB saying she needs some financial stability and wants to know in very specific terms what specific arrangement the man is thinking of. I always tell SBs exactly what I offer on the first date so there are no misunderstandings. I usually will provide the pro-rated allowance for what remains of the month on the second date, and the full monthly allowance on the first of each month after that. Sure, I might get scammed that way, but what’s a few thousand dollars in the scheme of things? And you were more than kind to your last SD. He should have been more attuned to your needs–that is his job as SD. Also, asking for more with good reason is not being greedy; greedy is when an SB, sensing an SD’s difficulty in saying no, needs some extra money for various made-up emergencies every other day (yes, been there, done that). But in summary, you need to be bluntly honest with your SDs and explain to them why you’re sugar dating.

    Cougarlicious–I like your drop-down boxes for SDs but I have a feeling the rotten apples will lie.

    Tanya–I like your method of being up-front for sure. Any guy who shies away from that is not planning on being an SD.

  97. Semi-newbie says:

    Thank you everyone!!!! They’re really very solid advice!
    @Tanya
    I found your approach very honest and effectively solved my problem. I’ll try that next time if all my hinting fails.
    Thanks!

  98. LASB says:

    LongTimeNoSee – If others want to gamble with their life and health, that is their decision to make for themselves. However, I’m not going to and no amount of money was worth whatever it was he wanted to spread to me. And even if “all the cool kids are doing it” and ending up fine and reporting back on the blog that they are doing it and it’s ok, I will still not do it. I will not do it on a boat, I will not do it with a goat. I will not eat green eggs and ham, I will not eat them LASB I am. :)

  99. LongTimeNoSee says:

    LASB, I simply stated my own experience. With girls I’ve trusted–be they GFs, wife, or SBs–we’ve used oral contraceptives and no condom. My favorite was when I gave an SB a depot shot myself–no worries about pregnancy for 3 months. But for those I don’t trust, I generally prefer not to sleep with them at all, otherwise I use a condom. But as a general public health recommendation, condoms are the way to go to prevent most (not all) STDs. But condoms are not very reliable birth control–15% per year pregnancy rate with average use is too high for my risk apetite.

  100. Michael Alleycat says:

    Midwest – that’s a good idea, but speaking from experience. the allowance / gift / travel thing is different according to who I meet and what we both want out of a relationship.

    Got a new #1 – we were meant to start this weekend, but she got sick, ended up in ER. Well, maybe next week, as she is off on a trip for 6 weeks, leaving in a week. I have paid it forward, but I think I will be fine. We have spent a lot of time txting and talking so I am comfortable this will work out. I could be wrong but I doubt it….

  101. Michael Alleycat says:

    and good evening all!! Hope all is good in the sugar world. Life is good here, it even rained this evening!

  102. SD Guru says:

    @Michael
    Got a new #1…

    Congrats!! No wagering on how long this one lasts until you provide more info about her! :)

    @LASB
    I will not do it on a boat, I will not do it with a goat. I will not eat green eggs and ham, I will not eat them LASB I am.

    Damn, now I have to take those two things off my list… :mrgreen:

    @Midwest SB
    they should not be surprised when a woman asks for details about arrangements; that this is not a typical dating site (wife-seekers and johns need not apply)…

    The name of the site should be enough of a clue, no? I can see the complaints coming now… so and so SD said in his profile that he’s an allowance SD but all he wants to do is to date hot women!! :P

  103. LongTimeNoSee says:

    I like the new feature “ONLINE NOW”, except I wish there was a chat feature, so we could chat with an SB who is currently online. That would be much nicer than sending a series of emails to someone who is currently online.

  104. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Guru – If they were already getting the idea by the name “seeking arrangement”, it would be highly unlikely that a request to solidify the knowledge / educate new SDs (and SBs) would be made, much less supported.

    I see the flaws, but was hoping it was a launch for better ideas. The ladies seem to be in support while the men generally seem to believe it will not provide a solution. I was always told rather than complain, offer solutions….so that’s what I do. :-)

    Hi Long Time, No See!

  105. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Hi Cougarlicious!!!

  106. SouthernGent2 says:

    Midwest, I like your idea of the drop down menus. Of course it can apply to sb’s as well. I won’t go into the categories I would list though. Your idea works if the sd is honest about his intentions.

  107. RD says:

    Hey, how do i become a certified Collage Sugar? Im in school, and i have an EDU email.

  108. Kindred Spirit says:

    SouthernGent2, I’d be interested in hearing what your categories you’d list would be. I’m all ears, as I’m sure many others would be, too. Love hearing the various perspectives and insights on this blog!! :D

  109. Kindred Spirit says:

    Hey Winenut64, just noticed your little blip to me from a previous blog:

    ( with a small shout out to @ kindred-spirit..u rock!)

    Just wanted to say thank you. :) Nice little surprise to see a compliment of recognition/acknowledgment. Wish you the best on your sugar adventures!!

  110. Sara says:

    Hi guys, I could really use advice again.
    I meet a pot sd (fairly attractive, not very old) and we worked out an arrangement where we see eachother twice a week and atleast one of the times have sex. Each time we would only see eachother for a few hours. He would usually drive to see me (1 hrdrive from his house) or times I would take a bus. For days we just have dinner no sex he will give me 100 and for days we have sex he’ll give me 200. Is this a decent amount? I was looking for atleast 1k a month but knowing I’m only getting 200 for sex makes me feel..cheap… am I correct for feeling this way? or are my expectations too high? Would any of you consider this type of arrangement?

  111. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Kindred Spirit, the caterogies for SBs would go along the lines of differentiating gold diggers and those who treat SDs like ATM machines from those who are truly interested in a meaningful two-way human relationship. Having categories like that won’t help, because no SB will identify herself as a gold-digging money pit lol.

    Sara, if you’re looking for $1K+ per month, then your arrangement, as stated, would pay about $1200 for a four week period. I think what you don’t like is the idea of getting paid for each visit and getting a different amount for sex or no sex. Easier might be to get paid a fixed monthly amount, see him twice a week, and have sex once a week. Then it doesn’t feel so pay-for-play. I don’t like to feel like I am paying for sex, so I generally do the monthly up-front allowance, and it keeps money and sex totally separate. I used to worry about whether the SBs would keep up their end of the bargain, but in general they do and if not, I can always end things. Only problem then is that they invariably come back begging for me back, sometimes rather aggressively and persistently, and I just never can go back to someone who didn’t treat me well but now wants me back only because she’s out of money.

  112. LongTimeNoSee says:

    On a different note, I am rapidly approaching my one year anniversary with my SB whom I met on SA. I was quite active on the blog in the past, when I would whine about my one problematic and short-lived sugar relationship after another. But eventually I figured out how to make these relationships work and I had an SB who lasted 7 months until I could no longer take her incessant lies (I never confronted her till the end because I decided these relationships must be drama-free), followed by one with whom I will be celebrating a one-year anniversary in a week. The one I have now has become my best friend in every sense–I share everything about my life with her and we have a relationship that, aside from involving sex every time we meet, is based on honesty, trust, mutual admiration, and an intellectual connection. Having been through many failed sugar flings, I truly cherish what I have now. Perhaps the only problem I have–which I do discuss with her at times–is that, as a man, I am still too often tempted by other women, even though I have done good to keep temptations as just that for the past year.

  113. Anna Molly says:

    Hi everyone! Hope you’re having a great weekend! :D

  114. I absolutely love it… Im actually encouraged by people who choose happiness and rich life experiences rather than waste away…

    Here’s wishing you a wonderful week!

  115. Kindred Spirit says:

    Longtimenosee, are you also SouthernGent2 in another alias (you appeared to have answered for him, which is why I’m asking)? ;)

    I see your point but that wasn’t why I asked nor was that how my line of thinking was going in asking SouthernGent2′s opinions. I simply wanted to know what he thought. I was curious how he may phrase things in his ideas and categories, in his own words.

    I liked what Midwest had to say with this issue. She had a perspective that some, including myself, found thought-provoking and/or relatable (as usual), and there were several compliments that followed.

    Therefore, I kindly nudge SoutherGent2 to share his ideas, if he wishes to after now knowing that someone is intrigued by his individual insight. :)

  116. Arcadia SB says:

    I am very much enjoying this conversation.
    @LongTime Congrats on your now long time sugar relationship! I think both SDs and SBs aspire to what you have achieved!

    @Sara – for me, I don’t like the P4P nature of something like that, but my last SD we met twice a month, I had about a $1k a month allowance worked out, and he’d generally give me $500 each time. We were usually intimate so sometimes it felt a little weird, but sometimes we just hung out and had fun together, and he still gave me the same amount. So basically I’m agreeing LongTime in saying, maybe find something that fits you better and makes you feel more comfortable.

    @Midwest – If only SD’s would be so clear! But I think that maybe 1/10th of the people on the site (both SD’s and SB’s) are up front and honest about what they are looking for…and are actually looking for an SB/SD relationship instead of just a call girl, to take advantage of a beautiful girl, to take advantage of a wealthier man, etc. etc.

    Just to let anyone know who was curious, I have made it safely to Edinburgh and a day later my bag has arrived as well! I am jet lagged and fully immersed in university life again, trying to meet new people and get to know the school…it’s very different in the UK but I’m enjoying myself! I hope everyone is having a great weekend. It’s midnight in Scotland, so I’m off to bed!

  117. LongTimeNoSee says:

    KindredSpirit, no I’m not SG2. My old names on the blod were IRLSD and RealisticSD, but I could figure what SG2 was alluding to with respect to categories of SBs.

    I think Arcadia has a good point–a lot of people think of these relationships in terms of what they can get out of them, whereas if they put some thought and effort into what they can put into these relationships, I can guarantee they will get a lot of more out of them as well, regardless of whether they are looking for money or sex.

  118. Tanya says:

    Semi~Glad that my approach helped!

    Catching up on the blog. Man I have missed a lot in the last few topics! :)
    Still weeding through pot’s… sometimes it seems to take forever but when I find the right one its so worth it!

  119. Stormcat says:

    The thing I dislike about this discussion of sex in an arrangement is the implication that the arrangement is viewed by most people as a little better than prostitution. But the thing that really bothers me is that almost everyone here on the blog has it defined somewhere between courtesan/sponsor and girlfriend/boyfriend. What needs to be really thought about is that the correct position of an arrangement belongs somewhere between girlfriend/boyfriend and married or living together. Think about it. . . How many boyfriends support their girlfriends? None or at least rarely.
    As I entered this lifestyle one of the stipulations I made to myself was that I wasn’t going to be sexually active without really caring for my SB at least as much as I would care for any girlfriend. And that the support I gave was to also be because I cared. A gift . . . NSA! I have lived that way here and have helped from time to time at least a dozen different women. Only one became long term enough for us to start caring enough to share sex. Maybe I’m just a stupid romantic – But, IMHO, SB/SD is more honest and ranks above girlfriend/boyfriend.

  120. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Stormcat, I think you are right in many ways. I have also supported a number of SBs, in some cases dating them for several weeks while supporting them and deciding whether I cared about them enough to sleep with them or not. Invariably those relationships fizzled out. I concluded that if I am not sure I want the SB in bed when I first meet her, then it means that the relationship is doomed, so I try to make a quicker decision about sex nowadays so I don’t have relationships in limbo for a while. Plus, once I sleep with an SB I am much more likely to try harder to make it work, and perhaps the same goes from the SB’s side as well. But to me SBs feel like GFs to the point that I take them out with my friends (all of whom pretty much know about my lifestyle), and my current SB has said many times that it feels no different than having a BF. And you’re right–it does feel somewhat like a marriage, because I cannot just dump an SB withot significant repercussions to her life. A GF can be dumped with no repercussions beyond a broken heart and/or ego. And my SB has referred to herself several times as my second wife, reflecting the level of commitment she senses. And in many ways she’s right–I am cheating on my wife, but have thus far resisted the temptation to cheat on my SB. But this type of sugar dating may be one extreme that is not so common I think.

  121. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Thanks to all for your feedback!!! Of course, honesty and integrity play into the idea behind the drop down boxes and sugar in general. However, my real intent was more to help set an expectation while enabling the men and women here to enhance their searches for the right kind of sugar and reducing the amount of disappointment when a gift daddy is disgusted by a lady who wants to receive an allowance or when an SB finds out her potSD is looking for a relationship. I think it’s an opportunity to tidy things up a bit. There are always going to be plenty of people who will work the system which is why relentless screening is necessary. Reading the blacklist was an upsetting reminder.

    Sara – The fact that he gives you more for sex is why it feels so odd. I think you two could discuss this further and agree on a set allowance that will likely work out to the same amount, but without the tallying up each time. He seems to want to feel comfortable in knowing you will not refuse intimacy if he offers an allowance. Go with this…when the monthly allowance is covered, it takes everyone’s mind off the finances and lets you two focus on the enjoyment of the arrangement. When you’re ready, give him fireworks and hopefully his concerns will be put aside. P4P leaves the SB at a disadvantage in that a) he could bolt after the first night of intimacy and b) it’s like dangling a carrot under your nose…not nice. He could still bolt, but the idea is to get to know one another…build that intensity that leads to great intimacy and grow from there. It shouldn’t have to be a “..if you do x, I will do y” kind of transaction. The good news is that you’re talking. Try to find a better middle ground.

  122. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Longtimenosee- That was a nice evolution having witnessed it from a distance. Congratulations!

  123. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Ooooohhhhh Stephan….could Sugar Evolution be an interesting blog topic?

    Ok…done! Goodnight sugars!

  124. SD Guru says:

    @LTNS/IRLSD
    I am rapidly approaching my one year anniversary with my SB whom I met on SA.

    Congrats on your long term success!! During my first 3 years in the sugar world I had only two that lasted six months and they were filled with drama. Since then I’ve had 4 that lasted more than a year and 5 that lasted six months. It does take time to figure out how to make a sugar relationship last and find SB’s with long term potential. I’m glad to see that you’ve figured it out for yourself.

    But to me SBs feel like GFs to the point that I take them out with my friends (all of whom pretty much know about my lifestyle)

    As a married SD I prefer to keep my real life separate from my sugar life, so to introduce my SB’s to my IRL friends is out of the question. But I do have fellow SD “friends” who know about my lifestyle and are respectful of my need for discretion.

    my SB has referred to herself several times as my second wife

    I already have a wife so I certainly don’t need a second one! :) Despite that label, you seem to be able to avoid emotional attachment which can lead to drama, so hopefully your sugar relationship can last for as long as you want it to last.

    have thus far resisted the temptation to cheat on my SB. But this type of sugar dating may be one extreme that is not so common I think.

    I agree your situation may not be so common. Since most sugar relationships are supposed to be NSA, sugar monogamy seems like an oxymoron! :P

    @Sara
    For days we just have dinner no sex he will give me 100 and for days we have sex he’ll give me 200. Is this a decent amount?

    I can tell you it’s not an offer I’d make and I know none of my SB’s would accept it.

    knowing I’m only getting 200 for sex makes me feel..cheap… am I correct for feeling this way?

    As I have mentioned to you before, you should learn to trust your gut instinct.

    @Arcadia
    But I think that maybe 1/10th of the people on the site (both SD’s and SB’s) are up front and honest about what they are looking for…

    That’s the crux of the matter with online sugar dating. It takes time and experience to weed out the rest and focus on the 1/10th (or whatever proportion) that really matters.

    @Samantha
    I got a message from a male who says he’s from Africa and does a lot of business trips. I’m not sure if this is a scam.

    Ask yourself if this passes the smell test. Why would someone from Africa contact you at your location out of countless others around the country or around the world he could have approached?

    @Stormcat
    the correct position of an arrangement belongs somewhere between girlfriend/boyfriend and married or living together.

    That’s certainly debatable based on each person’s perspective and experience. I wrote about this in my blog in “What is NSA – Part 3“. Take a look and let me know what you think.

  125. SteamSugar (formerly RedMaru) says:

    Hey sugars! Missed y’all noticed the new moniker a nod to my steampunk hobby. To answer the blog yeah Im guilty of the Dalai Lama’s statement at times. Convention went well still overcoming fatigue though everyone loved my outfit wish I had an SD to model it for….he he

  126. Michael Alleycat says:

    @LongTimeNoSee – “Only problem then is that they invariably come back begging for me back, sometimes rather aggressively and persistently, and I just never can go back to someone who didn’t treat me well but now wants me back only because she’s out of money.”

    My former #1 is now doing just that. Got a txt from her this morning, wanting to start again – for a smaller allowance! – and I think she is hurting for money. Didn’t seem to stop her buying those $1100 golf clubs a couple of months ago, hmmmm. I am not tempted even though it was a great physical relationship, but she treated people with disdain, was always late, and was always leaning on me for extra $.

  127. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Michael Alleycat: “she treated people with disdain, was always late, and was always leaning on me for extra $.” Yes, I know the type. You can try to make it work again, but invariably the girl will not change.

    SD Guru, I like the table in your blog. But the “financial commitment” column is the variable at hand here. With a significant commitment to, let’s say see someone through school, it changes the equation a bit. But having said that, with all my previous SBs I’d agree with you that they were just where you put an NSA sugar relationship on the chart. But all of this depends on the two people at hand–with the right person there will be much more commitment than with the wrong person.

  128. Texasugah says:

    Hi all…

    I have mentioned a kind of Sugar matchmaking in the past with no takers. Since I’m not stingy and believe there’s more than enough sugar for all.. ..

    I have a regular contributor to my blog and twitter who is looking for a sugar in the NYC/NJ area. Sure he looks online but he kinda wants a person who “knows” someone.

    Are there any sugars who are regular contributors in that area? He would like to email and then move on from there. I’d talk with him but my life just doesn’t allow for long distance sugars.

    I am also going to tell him about the Sugar meetups that seem to all be in that area.

    later y’all

  129. The Lone Gunman says:

    If you had the opportunity to join (or in my case, rejoin) a country club, would you do so?

    Why or why not?

  130. Honey says:

    I agree with the sugar matchmaking stuff ,texas sug, I just like hooking people up!

  131. BostonBrunette says:

    Hello Everyone,

    LongTimeNoSee- I wanted to congratulate you on your one year anniversary!

    I myself made it past a year with my SD we’re on a year and a half getting ready to celebrate it! I’ve always read this blog and one thing I learned is that communication and trust is key. Just like a normal relationship, an SB/SD relationship is in dire need of both of these ingredients. There will be ups and downs but by the time you build a strong friendship you realize how much more the person means that you become willing to work through things.

    Midwest SB- I totally agree, Sugar Evolution would be a great topic!

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