I know I’m new to posting here and you guys don’t know me, but I am a very experienced, accomplished SB – (and I mean accomplished career-wise as well as living the arrangement lifestyle), so I would like to give some advice to new (green, if you will) SBs on some of what I’m reading above. I certainly am not perfect and not always right, but I can divulge a little on what I’ve learned and what has worked for me. I’m sure some (or all) of what I share may have been shared in past blog postings, so apologies if I sound like a broken record. Anyway, approaches that have helped me with my success in choosing this lifestyle:
- Be goal-oriented. I don’t just mean monetary goals that you have in mind for an allowance. I mean goals as in where you are and where you would like to be and see yourself in the next 5 years. In my mind, arrangements shouldn’t be just about being spoiled and having things paid for you all the time, it’s about having assistance from someone you enjoy spending time with minus the proverbial noose that can come with traditional dating. LOL. Strive to have an arrangement with someone in your life who cares about you and can see you have the drive and ambition to be successful and financially secure on your own one day and wants to help you get there.
- Have your own life. (Kind of goes hand in hand with the above). Be very clear that you are entering the arrangement lifestyle because you are focused on goals and do not have time for a traditional relationship. Not to mention, a traditional relationship doesn’t automatically mean the other person is willing to be a mentor or Benefactor or help you with your goals or financial burdens. Have your own friends, your own social life and I cannot express this final statement enough: DO NOT become so dependent upon your SD to provide you with a lifestyle you wouldn’t one day be able to upkeep yourself.
- Stand your ground. Speak up. Communicate. If you are uncomfortable with ANYTHING at all, don’t do it. If you are not willing to travel to a potential SD because it is something you do not feel safe doing (and have not mapped out a plan to do this safely), then don’t give in to this situation because you feel you have to or will lose the potential SD if you don’t. A respectful SD will care about your concerns and will be willing to adjust to your comfort level; especially if a connection has already been established. If your SD has agreed to help with costs for travel and then doesn’t. It is OKAY to bring this up! Maybe he has forgotten and needs to be reminded or perhaps he just can’t provide the extra cost. In the latter case, you need to know this because the point is to make the arrangement work for BOTH of you. ALWAYS communicate your needs and concerns as well as asking them about theirs.
Bottom line is this, we are all here because we want an ARRANGEMENT. This makes it very black and white and so go into it with this mindset. You are allowed to speak up without fear because there’s no major risk. You aren’t on here to meet a husband-to-be (and I know that happens sometimes, but isn’t the norm) and you aren’t losing anything by being boldly honest. If there is something in your profile that doesn’t click for a potential SD/SB, then you aren’t the right fit. Period. The approach is pretty cut and dry. SBs outline their needs and SDs outline theirs. It’s really all very simple. Unfortunately, there are creepers and unclassy people (men and women both) who enter this site and dilute the quality of what an arrangement means, but you just have to be strong enough to get through those pitfalls and continue your quest! Just like anything in life, it all gets better with time and there are A LOT of really good SDs and SBs on this site.
Good luck to all!