3 years ago
Long-Term Sugar Daddy Arrangements
  • Posted Jan 14, 2011
  • Views 3865
  • Written by Brandon Wade

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SD’s and SB’s come in more than 37 flavors

A Sugar Daddy relationship is like ice cream… From the start, you know it’s about pleasure, and you have a single objective – to enjoy it while it lasts.

Yet once a sugar arrangement has been melted, and all the benefits and toppings enjoyed, is there ever a chance to make a smoothie? The answer for more and more sugars is, ‘yes’. Going steady with a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby is a preferred option for those who don’t like the taste of a sugar-split. Yet keeping a sugar relationship sweet over an extended period of time can sometimes be a rocky road…

Here are some of the factors that determine how long a SD SB relationship will last:

Sense of Security:

Some SDs and SBs prefer longer-term arrangements because shorter-term arrangements lack a certain sense of security for them.

Different Goals = Different Measures for Success

‘If an SD entered your life and was able to help you alter the course of your life for the better, and put you on a solid footing for growth,and give you mentoring to improve your career, etc… and did all that in a few months… that would certainly be an amazingly beneficial arrangement…
If your need is a steady, long-term allowance, then yes, longevity is key…. different arrangements, different goals, different definitions of successful.’ – Genuine SD

Many sugars have  found that negotiating the speed and length of their arrangement can be surprisingly difficult. Yet for many others, ‘negotiating’ the span of an arrangement is never an issue…

“My experience has been that when an arrangement is born out of chemistry and a natural, sincere affection for one another, the length of the relationship never becomes an issue. All 3 of my previous SBs and I parted ways in very different scenarios, but they all ended amicably and with a sweet aftertaste.” -SD from Denver, CO

Parting gifts and kisses may be your way of saying goodbye to a sugar. Tho some sugars aren’t so lucky, and have a poof daddy or poof baby make saying goodbye nothing more than a sweet dream.

About how long should a sugar relationship last in your opinion?

Have you ever rekindled a sugar relationship past? Care to share?

What’s your current sugar status?

405 Responses to “Long-Term Sugar Daddy Arrangements”

  1. First! Advantage of having jetlag.

  2. 2Chic (-n-OC). aka. 2Chic says:

    2nd- advantage of staying out late…lol!

  3. sweetredhead says:

    About how long should a sugar relationship last in your opinion?
    I think it should last as long as you are both happy with each other. Both are benefiting from the relationship. If it is working for you. If your having a good time together. Once all that leaves the relations, you should mutually agree to move on and leave the relationship looking back on it with sweet memories. Remain friends if possible and stay in contact. That is the relationship I had with my last SD. Because of location, His being a very busy Doctor and married and me working during the week and only available nights and weekends, it was becoming very difficult to find time for each other. We mutually agreed to move on, but remain friends.

    Have you ever rekindled a sugar relationship past? Care to share?
    Not really. But it did feel with the Doctor that each time we met it was like meeting all over again. It would be months between our meeting. Sometimes we would plan to meet (him being a OBGYN with his own practice) He would have to cancel at the last minute because of his practice. I understood this because I knew the nature of his business. We did talk a lot on the phone, but this even began to get less and less as his practice took off. When I met him he had just begun the practice a year before. Sometimes things change in each of our lives and we have to accept these changes.

    What’s your current sugar status?
    Currently I do not have an SD. I left the sugar world over a year ago. I still kept in contact with SD and SB friends I made here on the blog. The blog has changed a lot sense I left, I am sad to say. I am never seen such criticism of one another as I have witness sense I have returned. Everyone as an opinion, we need to respect that. If you don’t agree that is fine, move on. Everyone has their unique personalities, which you need to respect. We are all here for the same reason. Helping each other on our journey in the sugar world.

    I whole hardly agree with Sd from CO. In the statement he made.

    “My experience has been that when an arrangement is born out of chemistry and a natural, sincere affection for one another, the length of the relationship never becomes an issue. All 3 of my previous SBs and I parted ways in very different scenarios, but they all ended amicably and with a sweet aftertaste.” -SD from Denver, CO

    To me that is exactly how it should be.

  4. sweetredhead says:

    Sugar news. I can not bring myself to cancel my sugar meet tonight. The man is so sweet, I do not want to hurt his feelings. When he called me last night, I had every intention of canceling. He talked to me about just wanting affection and a friend, he was missing that in his life. My heart went out to him. I am really conflicted. I know I can’t save the world, but can I make someones life a little brighter? Or am I hurting him by offering my friendship and he is looking for more? I would love to hear your opinions on this. Thank you.

  5. Bela says:

    Good Saturday Morning Sugars )

    About how long should a sugar relationship last in your opinion? I like SRH’s response. Any relationship should last as long as both people want to be in it. For me ideally, I’d love something to last in the 6-8 month range. I know I have issues with the indefinite type of long term commitment, but I’m working on it :)

    Have you ever rekindled a sugar relationship past? Care to share? No, but I am still on good terms with my past SD’s. We don’t try to reopen that can of worms because we remember why it ended in the first place.

    What’s your current sugar status? Currently non-existent. I’ve been talking with one back and forth and, while I know he’s not ready for pot#1 status, I do enjoy getting emails from him. He makes me smile.

  6. GenuineSD says:

    Fifth. I agree that arrangements last as long as they’re mutually beneficial. I favor long term because I think the longer duration leads to a deeper, richer friendship. In my opinion, arrangements flourish in an atmosphere of mutual trust, respect and communication. If the partners have those and an interest in enjoying long duration, then the arrangement lasts. It seems that longer lasting arrangements also evolve over time… the partners show an ability to renegotiate needs over time.

  7. GenuineSD says:

    I think the question of rekindling an arrangement is an interesting one. I think a lot depends on how and why the arrangement ended. If it ended well and the reasons were the sort that can be overcome, then sure, why not ?
    I don’t think you can ever “go back”, though… people and circumstances evolve… but two people can choose to make a new beginning… renegotiate.

  8. msdiiva says:

    Good morning Sugars!
    Ooo I like this topic!

    A sugar relationship should last as long as both partners want it to. I think I’m ranging my relationships between 8 months-a little over a year. I don’t want too much of a long term where I get insecure that my sd is losing interest or might want someone younger any of that sort of thing. I do enjoy long terms, you have a broader, and deeper meaningful relationship which is a great feeling. And it gets hard to move on once you’ve established such a great connection.

    Have you ever rekindled a past relationship?
    Yes, recently. Someone I haven’t seen in almost 2 years wanted to meet up. We did, and a nice conversation. We talked about the past, and the present. He seem to have a gf now, and I’m also with someone. But it was surprising and nice that he kept my number after all this time.

    What’s my current status?
    I have a long term sd I’ve been with for awhile, and like I said, I might be breaking that off due to some complications. Or I might keep him around if we come to a mutual understanding. I have also just met someone who seem to be falling head over heels for me, we’ll see where that goes!

  9. Whitelillies says:

    Sweet Red: Is this the one you’ve been on the phone with non-stop who is too far away?

    About how long should a sugar relationship last in your opinion?
    As long as both people are happy and getting what they want out of it.

    Have you ever rekindled a sugar relationship past? Care to share?
    Just for a short visit, as friends.

    What’s your current sugar status?
    Setting up my first actual arrangement! Woo!

  10. GenuineSD says:

    @SRH. In my opinion, just be true to yourself and honest with him. An arrangement is win-win, so if he clearly hears and understands whatvyou bring to the table, and you’re getting your needs fulfilled, then you can move forward comfortably, yes?
    I’d be alert for the little warning signs that he isn’t being honest with himself, but absent that… why not at least explore it? You never know…

  11. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Good Morning Super Sugars!
    I heard this quote yesterday that gave me the
    re-start (kick in the rear) to my New Years
    Resolution.
    “Focus on keeping your mind where your body is”
    My mind has a habit of not being present, don’t know about
    you but I am going to put away the Blackberry for the day and
    take in all the wonders that I forget to appreciate.

    Long Term topic? I am done with Long term right now. Looking for
    fun, fun, fun. Trying something new :)

    GenuineSD@ thanks for mis-spelling some words this morning, you know how I love to do spell correction! xxoo ~OC

  12. GenuineSD says:

    @OC… sigh… Slight hangover + no eyeglasses + iPhone = typos… really sorry.
    Thanks for looking out for me!

  13. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Genuine@ You are most welcome sugar. Come on a bike ride with me! That will cure your hangover.
    The warm ocean breeze, lunch and bloody Mary’s on the beach ;)
    Later sugars! Play Nice and NO shit storms while I am gone. Hahahah! Well… try anyway :)

  14. sweetredhead says:

    Whitelillies no, this man is local. My friendship with the to far away Sd is perfect. Well except for being so far away lol.
    I also am talking to another man who will call me next week and possibly set up a meeting. He sounds extremely interesting. He is an hour from me.
    I was just contacted by another man, who lives 3 hours from me and is interested. That is still in the beginning stages.

    GenuineSD I understand what you are saying. My concern is that he is not what I am looking for. Our personalities are very different. I offer a friendship only, not an SD/SB relationship.

  15. RedMaru says:

    Good morning sugars….my cat seems to back to his self running after his toy and peeping into everything that makes a noise. He’s nestling comfortably on my lap. At the risk of being parrot I will say that a sugar relationship should last as long as both parties want to. Also when it ends, the ideal is for it to end amicably with both parties being lasting friends more than anything. Like others I have made some terrific friends on the blog including one that I would love if it became sugar but distances are kind of an obstacle. Current sugar status? The possible that contacted me still remains as there will be no meet until will be in my town. Dont want to push things as he is willing to meet I just have to wait till he’s in my neck of the woods. Any advice sugars? Am I doing the right thing by being patient?

  16. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Good morning sugars! Love the new topic.

    Length of sugar relationships…I echo the sentiments stated already. I prefer getting to know someone and allowing it to grow into a special arrangement. When it turns to love is where we have to tread carefully. I do remain friends with both former SDs.

    Rekindled arrangement…I seriously considered this offer with my first SD, but ultimately felt it wasn’t the right thing to do. We are great friends to this day and he still reaches out to help once in a while. He now has a gf and I am very happy for both of them.

    Current sugar is very sweet indeed :-)

    SRH – what is the harm in meeting for a few hours? Worst case is it confirms your current belief. Best case is he completely sweeps you off your feet! If you don’t go, you will never be certain you made the right choice.

    DW- it is not my responsibility to censor, nor is it my desire. I see it as indiscriminately offering alternatives. I’m certain a woman as wise as you can see tne difference.

    Where has Flo Rida been lately? For some reason, I’ve been thinking of her lately.

  17. sweetredhead says:

    Reach the Beach SB I don’t think he will sweep me off my feet lol, he is not my type. But he is a kind, sweet man and you are right, I should give him a chance.

  18. LondonSB says:

    Hi! I’m a new sb, and London based – looking for some sugar friends who would be interested in using the buddy system when we go on dates/appointments. I’d love to exchange e-mails, and eventually phone numbers so we could let each other know when and where we’re going out and what to do if something goes sour. Thanks so much, hope to hear form you soon! xx

  19. NYC SB says:

    I have had many rekindling attempts… currently back on with NYC SD… I think I am slowly learning that if it didnt work the first (and second time) it wont work now…

    SRH – go on the date … why not? what have you got to lose except a few hours? if the man is sweet and nice you just might find yourself enjoying the date

    on that note… i had a date with a super hottie last night… he works in my building and asked me out so i agreed… silly me thought since he was in finance/software developing he would be smart… WRONG… he thought i trade foreigncies … of course he was painfully hot so i stuck around for drinks, dinner, more drinks… he proceeded to get drunk and i realized how much i enjoy my dates with SD dearest… so needless to say i will not be seeing this guy again… oh also we kissed (again he was just really hot) and then he proceeded to tell me how he didnt expect me to be so incredibly beautiful (odd since he has seen me before) or to feel what he felt when he kissed me … and then said that he is catching feelings… ummmmm yeah…

  20. Catching feelings? Is that like catching cooties? Or more like a cold?

  21. sweetredhead says:

    Too funny! I love some of the lines men use. Do they not know we have heard them before?
    I prefer a man who is original. Someone who can keep up with my sense of humor and be able to respond to it naturally.

  22. SD Guru says:

    Great topic Stephan!!

    As I’ve said in the past, in general I don’t consider anything less than 3 months as an “arrangement”. It’s more like an experiment that didn’t work out. I’d consider six months and longer as “long term”. It also depends on whether it’s local or long distance. Long distance one’s usually don’t last as long due to the time, distance, and logistics involved.

    As I’ve mentioned in my blog, during my years in the sugar world I’ve had 5 long distance ones that lasted about six months, and 3 local ones that lasted more than a year. Interestingly, last year was the year of SB’s past making a return. However, things ended for a reason and it doesn’t take long for the reminder to surface.

    During my early years when I tend to get more emotionally involved, breakups usually resemble a train wreck. But I’ve learned my lessons since then and been able to end my arrangements in less dramatic ways.

    As for my current sugar status, it’s not something I’d go into detail out of respect for my SB’s. I’ll just say I’m happy with the sugars I have and I’ve got more than I can handle! :)

  23. torontoblondie says:

    Heyy I was just thinking about what London baby was saying and I was wondering if there are any toronto females using this blog? I currently have 2 friends also doing this, one of them got me on this site in the first place :p but she left the sugar life and is currently only offering massages :S she tried to get me to go with her but I rather have 1 generous sd then …. well the massage thing (she has a bf which is why she isn’t in the sugar world – she would feel to guilty)

    I currently am in an amazing sugar relationship and the gentleman is pressing me to see how long I will commit! His last sugar relationship was about a year long, he figured that I’ll stick around for 3 years until I leave him and start looking for a husband (not to say he wouldn’t take that role – he just understands that I would most likely not want to marry him… I don’t know how to explain to my parents the age difference lol) But its great, he’s currently helping me out with 5,000 a month, which I will most likely scale back after I buy a new car and pay my schooling in order to maybe meet less frequently as I am currently seeing someone else -boyfriend my age -(eekkk hate mixing personal relationships while I have a sugar daddy but I couldn’t turn down either of these relationships right now :( :( :( ) And yeahhh I feel guilty too wish I could just put the bf on the back burner for awhile but theres no way that would work in real life, so finding a toronto buddy that I could say I was hanging out with and vice versa if they have a bf would be amazingggggggggggg :) :) :)

    Oh the things the sugar world brings with it’s perks.

    - anyone else here juggling their personal life + private life sugar daddies and finding it difficult? If so how do you make it work! lol (I think I’m ok as I’m keeping it simple with one man but I’m always scared that he might call or text when I’m with the bf :( )

  24. torontoblondie says:

    btw NYC baby, I love your personal blog and I try to keep up to date with what ever you have posted! The New York life must be very interesting with wall street, I’ve only been to New York once but I have had a lot of offers from sugar daddies down there, unfortunately I’m just to intimated to fly to a different city without ever meeting a gentleman before!

  25. CaribbeanPrincess says:

    london, I might be in London the first week of February, would looove to meet you and share my London experience. Do you have a blog? How can I get in touch with you? Do you have a FBSugar profile?

  26. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Hi CaribbeanPrincess & Toronto! Toronto you should start your
    own sugar blog, I enjoy reading your stories! I would follow
    you :)
    RedMaru so glad he is himself again.
    We love our pets!

    SD Guru
    , hello sugar. I am sure you can handle more sugar
    if the situation presented itself ;)

    Ok, I made it to the beach on my bike… can someone come give me a ride home! Ha!
    * not cheating this is posted from my iPhone hahaha not my BBery Im such a mess :)

  27. SFCollegebaby says:

    I think sugar rltps should last for at least one year. As my own has just hit the 6 month or so mark, I couldn’t imagine it ending so soon. So at least one year.

    Right now I am kinda talking to an old sd but not really bc we never really met. He was/is just a pot who has helped me out, and sent me gifts. But being that we stopped talking for months, and have just now reopened possibilities, I guess that counts.

    My current sd/sb situation is becoming a nuissance. I’m looking for a new sd now. I will prob let him know soon.

    @TOBlonde, I was the one of the only people who agreed with your post in the last topic so maybe you read my response to you wrong or too quick. I agree with almost everything you said…just to let you know. I did not take your comments the wrong way:)

  28. carebear says:

    Best sentence of the year award goes to……..my new SD!
    “Whats your apartment number again just in case I feel like stalking you?”

  29. Dandelion Wine says:

    Reach the Beach, you could have fooled me! Especially considering how often you “indiscriminately” offer alternatives to me. Must be the wisdom.

  30. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Best line ever…. “my subconcious part is in love with you…”. That was a first!!!

  31. Best line ever – “I’m becoming invested in this relationship”. Wtf does that mean? Freakin’ psychologists.

  32. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, it means ” I am expecting return on investment” XD

  33. @DW – with that particular SB, it turned out she meant “I’m going to keep on trying to play you”. Her loss.

  34. NYC SB says:

    Guru – 3 months and seeing someone 2 times per week = 24 times
    6 months at once a week = 24 times

    Are they both failed experiments or just the 3 month one? Paris sd and I have been together for over 8 months and I have seen him maybe 8 times … I would consider that a failed arrangement over any of the ones lasting 3 months where I would see them weekly or 2 times per week

  35. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, to be fair, she said “I’m becoming invested into this relationship”, not “I’m already all-in”

  36. Reach the Beach SB says:

    NYC -Why would you consider Paris SD a failed experiment…is it related to the number of times you’ve seen one another or something completely unrelated?

    The closest SD I had was two hours away, so the most we would visit would be once a week. What I’ve come to learn is twice a month is nice when travel is not involved, and once a month for an extended visit when travel is involved strikes a nice balance for me. It keeps the mystery and desire alive while balancing the emotional involvement. I will admit that the month long gaps are trying at times, but the extended visit of all things sugar make for wonderful experiences that cannot be had with shorter visits.

  37. Reach the Beach SB says:

    I could have shortened that by saying I’m not sure I see the correllation between freqency of visits and failed arrangements.

  38. sweetredhead says:

    I think the best sugar, is someone who is not in your area. That you see maybe once a month. you talk and text when your not together. I have my life and he has his. I don’t know that sounds pretty good to me. keeps it fun and exciting.

  39. NYC SB says:

    I wouldn’t consider it a failed experiment… All I am saying is just bc you have been with someone for 6 months or more does not an arrangement make… Especially if you are seeing them once a month or so

  40. Reach the Beach SB says:

    NYC SB – I see what you mean, but I’m not entirely convinced that frequency is the only determining factor in the definition of an arrangement. What I know about Paris SD is that it was/is a unique arrangement, but an arrangement nonetheless. He offered an allowance and spent time when it was available. I’m sure he made up for lost time too :-) Was it mutually beneficial? That’s for you two to decide. Personally, I think it counts <3

    3 months and seeing someone 2 times per week = 24 times
    6 months at once a week = 24 times
    add 6 months at once a month for 3 days at a time = 18 times for 24/7

    I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but don't think you should sell yourself short. Especially with Paris SD.

  41. sweetredhead says:

    What is your basis for thinking it is not an arrangement? just curious. If it a regular relationship, I would agree. My thinking is, sometimes they need a short weekend get away from the stress of their lives and jobs. The once a month I am referring to is a weekend together, possibly a week. Something to relax them and just have fun. To me that would be considered an arrangement. Everyone is different, as are arrangements. If it works it works :)

  42. Reach the Beach SB says:

    ack…meant to say:
    add 6 months at once a month for 3 days at a time = 18 times for 72 continuous, adventurous, steamy hours at a time

  43. Anna Molly says:

    I’m catching feelings? I’ve never heard that one before….lol.

  44. SFCollegebaby says:

    I say that 6 months or more still equals an ideal length for an arrangement. I don’t think it matters how many times you see the person. Time is time. If you see a guy more in 3 months than you do the next in 6 months, I say you are not even playing your cards right. I mean unless seeing the 3 month guy for several times equaled the same allowance for 6 month guy for less time. Then, that’s fair. But if the allowance is the same, I definitely say seeing someone for more months but spending less time is ideal. I would not want to see my sd twice a week for 3 months and be happy if the arrangement ended. That would really suck to me.

  45. SFCollegebaby says:

    On the other hand, I would say that I do agree with the statement that just bc an arrangement is 6 or more months, doesn’t make it a “real” arrangement, or better than the next. I think it is better than a short term wham bam thank you mamn though. BUT for someone to be around that long and I mean 6 months or more (no matter how often you see them) says a lot. They’ve maintained their interest in you for that long and that means a lot imo.

  46. GenuineSD says:

    I think all of us are agreeing to one degree or another. I have experienced intense 3 month arrangements that were good and shouldn’t be considered “failed experiments” and other, longer duration arrangements that might have been failed. I don’t see the correlation between frequency or duration and “success/failure”.
    We enter into these things with needs/expectations… some of those are short term. For some the desire is long term… but if both parties achieve their goals, duration doesn’t dictate failure… similarly NYCSBs 8 month arrangement might be “failed”, if it didn’t achieve the goals desired….
    I think both extremes can still be right. Sometimes really good arrangements end prematurely for reasons that are beyond control…doesn’t mean it failed… it just ended too soon….

  47. GenuineSD says:

    @SFCollegebaby.
    Different goals=different measures for success. If an SD entered your life and was able to help you alter the course of your life for the better, and put you on a solid footing for growth,and give you mentoring to improve your career, etc… and did all that in a few months… that would certainly be an amazingly beneficial arrangement…
    If your need is a steady, long-term allowance, then yes, longevity is key…. different arrangements, different goals, different definitions of successful.

  48. carebear says:

    How about, there is no formula or rule to these relationships. As soon as we set a regiment or ‘goal’ we are limiting ourselves! Afterall, isn’t sugar all about pushing the limits??

    =)

  49. SFCollegebaby says:

    I hear that, but at the same time…sleeping with 4 different guys in a year vs 2 seems more like a negative than positive, assuming that sex is involved. I guess that’s why to me, time is important. I hope no one takes offense to that. This is also assuming that whether it is a 3 month relationship, or a 6month one, that the parties involved were exclusive. I think for men, length of the arrangement rarely matters bc the more pretty women they can sleep with in a year, the better right? Ok, maybe not for all sds, but I think we could agree that most women would prefer to minimize their sexual partners, while most men prefer to maximize them.

  50. SFCollegebaby says:

    @GenuineSd, I agree that if a sd came in and did a lot to change my life in 3 months and another guy matched his efforts in 6 months, that monetarily, that would be a success. However, I would still like to be intimate with as little people possible because my body and feelings are important to me. So sharing it with any guy who plans to be around for 3 months is not something I look forward to doing. But I don’t knock people who have had that.

  51. NYC SB says:

    I dont think my arrangement with ParisSD failed… I used that as an example because it was my longest duration… All I was trying to say is that some arrangements last longer than other because of the frequency. We all know that these things are not meant to last forever. An arrangement is more likely to run its course faster if you see that person more often. Its almost like getting your “fill” of one person and then moving on. My most significant arrangement lasted 3 months but that man single handedly changed my life. I cannot say that this was a failed experiment because this arrangement accomplished everything it was supposed to in a short period of time. So GenuineSD you hit the nail in the head… a failed experiment is one where both people walk away unsatisfied. Thanks for that :)

  52. SFCollegebaby says:

    I think it boils down to what people value in life, and in sd/sb relationships in general. If it is all about money, an affair with a man who sees you once and then dumps you, but pays you 5k is ok. But if it is about building something (not looking for love) but just building certain relationships as well as receiving monetary benefits, then things are different.

  53. GenuineSD says:

    A couple of other thoughts… I think there is something to be said for the arrangement that has endured over time . I think the ability to change within the context of the arrangement is a cool thing and speaks to the ability to communicate and compromise. Likewise the arrangement that has partners together for entire weekends at a time, might be both more challenging and more rewarding… I think it puts more emphasis on compatibility.. it also creates more space to know someone.. warts and all, good and bad. I think the continuous 72 hour presence affords the opportunity (or challenge) of greater intimacy… I suspect you get to know each other a lot better in that format… thoughts ?

  54. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    I agree with GenuineSD. might be both more challenging and more rewarding.

    That is what I am looking for. I could not just do a pay for sex kind of arrangement. I am not looking for a relationship, I am looking for a friendship. Which is usually why I prefer a married SD. I have always had male friends. I enjoy the easy communication and the male prospective. It;s hard to explain it’s just easier for me to hang out with men than woman. Woman just have way to much drama, man are a more go with the flow personality and IMO easier to talk to.

    I have turned down many Sd’s, no matter what benefits they have offered. Because it is not what I am looking for. Think about it a minute Sd’s out there. Men are visual creatures doesn’t take much to turn them on lol (no offense) Woman on the other hand, sex is more in the mind. Talk to her treat her well, complement her and she will respond with more confidence in the bedroom.

    What I am basically saying in my round about way is that an arrangement with let’s say once a month weekends spent together will be more exciting and have more rewards. You both will start looking forward to those weekends. The excitement builds, you know what I am saying. In between the monthly weekends, you talk on the phone, text, tease, be playful with your texts. Just be yourselves. It makes for an easy uncomplicated relationship. Sure I listen to his complaints about his wife or job. Talk about how we view life ect. Just make it easy and natural. I guess this is why I have so many Sd friends I talk to lol. But no SD for me. I always hear “why can’t you live closer to me” That’s ok I have made some great friends, that is always a good thing. One day I will find an SD That doesn’t have a problem with my location or distance. Not sure why it’s a problem. I live in one of the best vacation destinations in the world. People come from all over the world to vacation where I live.

    Ok I will stop talking now lol. Did I mention I am a great conversationalist lmao.

  55. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    One more point. Yea yea I know I talk to much.

    It can also bring about a longer sd/sb relationship because it’s FUN and exciting. Isn’t that what this is all about.

  56. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    SFCollegebaby that is part of the screening process. I always ask how many sd/sb relationships have you had. I do not want someone who has gone from Sb to Sb because all he is looking for his to satisfy his male sexual need with quantity not quality. Then comes the issue of safety concerning STDs ect. I have had 1 Sd in the past 3 yrs. Some may think that is a failure. But I know what I want and I won’t settle. Compromise yes, but never settle. I would like an SD, I do not need an SD. I choose this life style I do not need it. I have champagne taste on a beer budget. But that is ok I am happy with my beer :)

  57. Lily says:

    Honestly, I have not met many people (not just sugars or just men, but PEOPLE) that I would really DESIRE to be around for 72 hours.
    I like ‘me time’ to switch off and re-juvenate, sans socializing, and to be joined at the hip for days is not my favorite thing.
    Exceptions:
    low-key girlfriends that I can really be myself around who are very similar in personality at least in some ways
    men I’m crazy about (& very emotionally invested in: strings, strings, strings!)
    Male friends that are fabulous company and make me laugh and say interesting things with no pressure for *anything* (I have had exactly one friend like that in my life, ever–very rare creature)

    So, for me, if I was in an arrangement with the latter type and felt free to initiate intimacy whenever the mood struck on MY end, then 72 hours would be ok. Otherwise, 24 hrs is already a LOT (if he feels sexually entitled)…, well, if sexpectations are high, 12 hours is already a lot.

    I’ve never had the kind of sexual chemistry that RTB describes (i.e. sex being a strong mutual desire and that it wouldn’t get tiresome for me at some point during 72 hours together including frequent sex) *without* emotional attachment from my end. That brings the guy into the middle category, and that’s a dangerous type to be in a sugar arrangement with; high-risk for hurt feelings & disappointment & even heartbreak.

    So, in a NSA arrangement with a man unsuitable to consider a traditional love-based relationship with, I prefer short bursts, but relatively often so as to keep up motivation towards the in-between communications & a solid bond in general. An evening together (3-7 hours doing things both in & out of the bedroom), 2-4 times per month.
    However, there are certainly exceptions, and all those evenings happening at once during several days together, but only every, say, 6-8 weeks, can also work, in my experience if a) the pair isn’t joined at the hip for days on end and each has a bit of space & ‘alone/down time’ during the span of days together, and b) the email communications are cute, clever/funny, & sweet.

  58. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    Lily…As an older Sb. I have had the Love, the marriage, kids and the fairy tail. Not looking for that at all. I can see where it could be a problem for younger sb’s. I have no problem separating sex and emotional attachment. That comes with life experience.

  59. Lily says:

    SFCollege is pretty focused on sex being some tangible thing that she doles out to as few people as possible. That leaves a funny taste in my mouth as it reminds me of backwards ways of viewing female sexuality and regarding women as property to be bartered and traded for whose value diminishes if she isn’t a virgin and certainly erodes in nearly a mathematical way with each sexual partner she has. It’s certainly not a viewpoint I will endorse, as even nowadays in much of the world which uses this mindset to justify female genital mutilation and other ways of treating young girls as something between chattel and civilized young people with basic human rights, it’s a slippery slope.
    I won’t get behind the Madonna/whore dichotomy that girls are brainwashed with, as the consequences are ugly. Romantic intimacy is a shared experience, not a product given or partially doled out in one direction.
    Concern for sexual health is fine, but then just be crystal clear that THAT is the issue, i.e. “Given the rates of often asymptomatic STDs such as HPV & HSV which many carry unawares, and the imperfect protection that condoms provide (unlike HIV which is quite well handled by condoms and an extremely unlikely virus to come across in Europe & North America anyhow), and the unlikely but slight chance that one of those viruses might cause a hurdle or glitch in my future childbearing career, I opt to avoid intercourse outside of long-term, serious monogomous relationships.”

    However, for those with that mindset, an NSA arrangement involving sex is probably not for you & seeking a unicorn of a platonic arrangement is a worthwhile goal to search for.

  60. Lily says:

    Sweetred – careful about making assumptions!

    Not only life experience plays a role here, but people and their emotional workings can be vastly different from one another. That’s what makes life so fascinating, we are all so different!

  61. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    Lily I am a little confused. What is it exactly you are looking for in this?

  62. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    Lily not making assumptions. Our personalities, maturity and experiences have a lot to do with how we see things. Not entirely age. But I can see how my comment would look that way. I was talking about myself in general. Not making a generalization.

  63. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    If you notice I talk about my experiences. May look narcissistic talking about myself. But the only person that can judge you is yourself. You are the only one who knows you and knows what you go through. Knows your thoughts and experiences. If talking about myself can help someone take something from that, then I have done what I set out to accomplish.

    I would never presume to tell anyone what they should do or not do. What they should believe or not believe, that is up to each person on their own. I give my opinions and my opinions only. you don’t have to agree or disagree. Take what you will from them. The right or wrong is for each person to decide.

  64. Lily says:

    Sweetred, I think you need to give yourself a daily quota for posting on this blog? You seem to be pretty invested in it and glued to it. Takes an addict to know one! I think several of y’all can remember when I dominated this blog and half the text written was by me. :) so don’t take any offense, I’ve been worse than you re: blog-addiction.
    But take a look, you jumped on me for slightly contradicting you (mostly rhetorical commentary) within ONE minute of my post. Then you managed to sit on your hands and not post for SIX minutes. Then you managed 18 minutes from posting anything further, but just felt so very defensive, that you had to pour out another long-winded disclaimer defending against my one line recommending to be careful to assume things about others you don’t really know, although those two paragraphs don’t really address the fact that you jumped to a couple of conclusions about me in a previous post and that while it certainly didn’t matter this time, it’s my personal recommendation that on a public, anonymous blog, it’s best to assume you know nothing about the bloggers unless YOU DO. Keep things general & rhetorical.

    One last comment: although you reveal your face & a LOT of personal information on this public forum, many of us choose not to, so be conscious of the fact that we have a different approach to privacy here and choose your words and questions accordingly, where possible.

  65. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    I hear you lily and your opinions are noted. Now I remember why so many of us left the blog. WOW.

  66. Carebear says:

    (then why come back)

  67. Jessie says:

    Is anyone else being redirected to seeking millionaire when they try to log in to their a/c or am I just special :(.

    @Sara – How did your team do?

  68. Gail says:

    SRH~ Welcome back and hope you will continue to blog : ) Unfortunately today is an episode of “Mean SBs” Tsk, tsk….not very attractive or nice ladies.

  69. Gail says:

    Jessie~I am not having that problem. You definately must be special: )

  70. Jessie says:

    @Gail – Think the blog gods are trying to tell me something? Maybe who/what I’m looking for is elsewhere :)

  71. Muse says:

    carebear, that line is amazing. Where can I find a winner like that?

    Jessie- apparently Brandon feels like it’s time for you to stop being an SB and switch over to trophy wife. ;)

  72. sweetredhead_269443 says:

    Jessie you have to go to the tab that says login. If you try to log in on the right upper corner it will long you into the other site.

    Gail hi :) I agree, not something I want to get involved in.

  73. Gail says:

    : ) Whereever you are redirected Jessie, I hope you find what you are looking for. There nothing like having sugar injections in your life from time to time. For me, I truly value my sugar friendships,

  74. Jessie says:

    @ Muse – LOL. If it can still be NSA and I can walk anytime I want that’d be cool, since the only thing I can commit to is breakfast, and then only if it last less than 30 minutes :).

    SRH – Actually I get redirected even when I use the link that was sent to my email when I first got activated.

  75. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Lily – I fear my comment may have been taken a bit too literally. There are breaks in the 72 hours. :-) I do see your point in wanting short, but often bursts. Schedules, tolerances, attention spans and personal preferences certainly play into how each couple likes to spend time together. I can honestly say I don’t get bored or feel stifled after our time together. In fact, I feel rejuvenated, relaxed and ready to face the real world.

    Jessie- you are indeed special…unless you somehow signed up for SM instead of SA. I’m sure if you write to the support team, they will correct it for you.

    Gail, SRH – I agree. There seems to be a lack of common courtesy and snide comments lately. The SDs must have noticed too.

  76. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, let me get this straight, someone who freely goes through a string of partners that she has nothing in common with (otherwise the incentive to stick around would have been there) is a liberated woman in control of her sexuality, and someone who is looking to minimize her total number of partners by only sharing intimacy with ones that show a higher degree of commitment and compatibility is a backwards property-woman trading her sexuality like some item?

  77. Dandelion Wine says:

    Btw, I really don’t care what another woman chooses to do with her body, or even if she lets someone else make those choices for her, as long as she’s happy. I have female friends with very varied views on sexuality and relationships and whatever specific behaviors we are talking about are generally discussed in the context of achieving the specific outcome desired by that person.
    In a non-sexual example, someone who really wants to have children in the near future and take off at least a year to care for the newborn wouldn’t be making the best choice by spending the emergency fund money on a fun vacation.
    On the other hand for someone whose big goal for the next 5 years is to go see the world, a counterproductive decision would be to forego traveling in favor of buying the latest and greatest car.

  78. Dandelion Wine says:

    sweetredhead_269443
    If talking about myself can help someone take something from that, then I have done what I set out to accomplish.
    ———-
    O RLY? You talk about yourself with the sheer purpose of helping some poor lost soul take something he/she so desperately needs (but for some reason doesn’t ask)?
    How very noble of you! Bravo! I think if anything, that just cemented everyone’s opinion of you being the charitable savior of humankind, thriving on helping people (all only on 1200 calories a day, to boot!)

  79. Luxaholic says:

    Just joining the conversation now, a bit late, but better than never :)
    The relationship should last as long as both get what they are searching for. I’m still on great friendship terms with my previous 2 (each lasted over a year) and am hoping to find such a great person in the near future. It takes (by my calculations) 4-6 months to find one great fit.. good luckk to all!

  80. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily

    One last comment: although you reveal your face & a LOT of personal information on this public forum, many of us choose not to, so be conscious of the fact that we have a different approach to privacy here and choose your words and questions accordingly, where possible.
    ———–
    Lily, that’s not her face, or if it is, the picture is over 10 years old. Look at the jawline. Have you ever seen an overweight person with a jawline contour like that? Usually when the girls with the heart shaped faces gain even 10 lbs extra, their jaw line contours soften considerably , while a girl with a squarer jaw line may be able to carry more weight without losing the corners.

  81. Lisa says:

    Yuck and I thought the weather was gloomy and rainy today, it’s mean girls’ day on the blog.

    Hi Gail, SRH :)

  82. Reach the Beach SB says:

    See you on the other side friends.

    Stephan – Could you please share my e-mail with SRH? Thanks!

  83. Carebear says:

    Muse-and to think I hand-picked that winner….oh well, sex is good 8)

    Just an observation, but perhaps the blog sb’s have ‘synced up’ as we all seem to be lunging for each other’s throats. And maybe that would also explain why the blog sd’s have been subconsciously deterred and are avoiding commenting on the topic at hand.

    Just sayin.

  84. UKSD says:

    aaaouch!! Cant every1 just play nice??

  85. Dandelion Wine says:

    Reach the Beach
    Gail, SRH – I agree. There seems to be a lack of common courtesy and snide comments lately. The SDs must have noticed too.
    ———–
    I don’t know how about you, but I find it very annoying to have to read Munghausen’s tales and depressing stories. In the first case I take it as an insult to my intelligence and in the second case I feel like I’m being used as a an emotional garbage pail. I don’t see either as very courteous or sweet towards me or other people having to endure the same. If you have the unlimited emotional reserves to offer to strangers – knock yourself out. But don’t judge me if I don’t want to be subjected to a constant barrage of negative energy or lying and attention whoring. My reserves are limited and I would like to save them for people I care about and/or find interesting.
    Besides, while I just get annoyed and insulted by someone’s BS, some naive and impressionable soul reading the blog may jump to conclusions based on the misinformation that he/she reads, and then suffer consequences.

  86. Dandelion Wine says:

    Sweetred, actually I haven’t seen Lily attack your character. She only said that you shouldn’t jump to assumptions after you implied that your life experience is somehow superior to hers, all meanwhile the “experience” you are talking about is largely theoretical. You had 1 SD 3 years ago that supposedly set the bar high by doing what? By being nice and respectful to you? If that’s the high bar you’ve not been able to match in 3 years, I feel sorry for you. BTW, a friend who is a SD to someone else is just that – a friend, not a SD, and not even a potential.

  87. adoc says:

    ahhh relapse of glandular fever- ive slept for the past 40hrs and still sore and achey- missed work and hence lost part of this weeks wages- :( i hate being sick. I need a sugar daddy to nurse me back to health :P and cook me dinner :P any takers :P

  88. adoc says:

    @ all: im not following what the snide remarks are about. ??? carebear ur observations seem to be accurate — once again :D

  89. CultureDaddy says:

    This is getting ridiculous! All the sniping is not going to encourage new posters to join.

  90. Anna Molly says:

    Thought I would check in and see what was going on! :D

  91. Dandelion Wine says:

    LASB, just read your story – really interesting, very well written, and congratulations on well-deserved victory :)
    You definitely should consider writing a book about your journey and your family’s history, I think it would have a very wide appeal.

  92. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Lily, there is nothing backwards about my thinking. I prefer not to sleep with tons of men. Some women like to, others do not. It’s not about society at all. That is just my preference.

  93. Kindred Spirit says:

    Hello everyone! I’ve just joined SA and am finding it fun and interesting. I have the premium membership, and wondered about something. I know I can “wink” at a pot SD, but can they wink at my profile? Is this a feature SDs can use, and if so, do they?

    Cheers. :)

  94. SFCollegebaby says:

    As DW said about maximizing and minimizing partners, in the end, it is all about what each woman chooses to do with her own body. I do care about how long I am with a sd b/c I care about how many people I am close with and how many people I share my body with (if it gets to that point). I never said that women who do not care how many people they run through are bad, nor did I say that about men who do that. I just prefer not to live that way. With me, it is not all about money. If I see you for one month and you pay me 10k, but then I’m left looking for ten more guys in that year to help me out, I’d rather skip. I would rather one long term person, or at least not several as I journey through this sb/sd thing. That’s all I’m saying. I realize that many people do not look at it like that and that it totally fine. BUT, I will say that my approach really seems to be working for me.

  95. Lily says:

    That’s absolutely fine, SFCollege ! I just noticed you mentioning “# of partners” a lot as a concept that seems to be about counting and scoring (for reasons not soley about STDs), which isn’t something I’m terribly comfortable with, but no worries. I’m a big girl and have been exposed to that mindset before and I can handle it.

    I get it, really. When I was 19 I had only been with one person ever, I was vulnerable and inexperienced in my own skin as a woman, and it (penetration) felt like a huge step, emotionally. I am absolutely not advocating the opposite, just the part about sex being something worth ‘keeping score’ about, rather than paying attention to your feelings in regards to the scenario at hand, and making wise choices with your heart and body.

    I should clearly shut up and not offend any more SBs on this blog today! That totally wasn’t my intention when I told Sweetred not to assume too much about bloggers, in the way that she jumped to a couple assumptions about me. I guess I shouldn’t have teased her about her volume of posting, but I thought mentioning that 9-12 months ago I had the same affliction (blogaholic!) would make it clear that I wasn’t looking down on her, but empathizing and feeling cameraderie about it. Honestly, I’ve been in a fabulous mood all day, and if the tone of my words the way they were thought up in my head were projected into the text, I don’t think they would have been taken the way they did. I had/have nothing in the world against Sweetred. The privacy comment was in regards to her asking me what I was looking for. I just felt like that question was kinda out of left field and not very friendly, somehow. It was my way of not answering it, and explaining why I wouldn’t feel like answering it here, even if she had asked it nicely.

    I loved Midwest/RTB’s comment: ” Schedules, tolerances, attention spans and personal preferences certainly play into how each couple likes to spend time together. ” —yes, that! There are so many things at play. I was just musing about the ways I’ve had longer term (more than 3 months) arrangements work well, and hoped it would somehow fit into the general discussion about longer term arrangements.

  96. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Sweetred, I agree. I do not want a sd who has bounced around from sb to sb which seems to be the case with men who jump from short-term sb arrangement to the same.

    @All…I know Sunday’s are boring but let’s try to be nice. I do find it funny that the same people who stirred up drama a couple of weeks ago are now calling others “mean girls”…not to mention any names. I also think it is ridiculous that some people get away with saying nasty things on the blog (especially if their situation or mood somehow justifies it) but then some people get the boot or get targeted for doing the same things. I mean, hey, if you guys want the blog to be a nice and friendly place, do not allow some people to be mean when they feel like it but then get mad when others do.

    Leave the personal baggage at the door. I am sitting here with a concussion after being jumped, and a permanently disfigured lip. I also have emotional scars that will probably never go away. I never brought my crappy mood to the blog or attacked anyone because of it. If your day is going bad, that’s your problem. Some of the women here act like this is a freaking sorority. If one of your “friends” insults someone, it’s ok, but when they are insulted, they don’t like it or the rules change. Get over it.

  97. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Lily, well I’m not 19 and I am not keeping score. I value who and what I sleep with and when. That is the bottom line. It is about emotions as well as pleasure, as well as other things. I do not care to open up to too many men, nor so I need to be poked by twenty different men to feel liberated or like a “big girl”. Sleeping around does not make a woman a woman.

  98. SFCollegebaby says:

    nor *do* I…oops

  99. Lily says:

    Absolutely not. But not feeling like a scoreboard is floating above her head is part of feeling liberated and free to make choices by listening to one’s heart rather than worrying about being judged for her accumulated experiences with her sexuality during the course of her adulthood.

    I’m sorry, I thought you were 19. Look who’s making false assumptions now! ;) hehe I guess I deserved to get caught with egg on my face! :)

  100. SFCollegebaby says:

    Oh Lord, this blog is just retarded sometimes. Someone please shoot me. I need to find other hobbies asap.

  101. SFCollegebaby says:

    That wasn’t directed at anyone. Just looking at some of the ridiculous comments.

    @Lily, I am not worried about being judged and never said such. I value myself and I wouldn’t feel comfortable living like a even if no one knew about it.I do not believe in sleeping with many people. I don’t care to, want to, and it has nothing to do with society. But thanks for trying to liberate me. Unfortunately, peer pressure has never worked on me and prob never will.

  102. NYC SB says:

    SF – as long as you do what you are comfortable with… whether you sleep with 1 man or 1000 as long as you can look at yourself in the morning is the only thing that matters… glad you have taken the time to figure out what works for you

  103. Lily says:

    That’s fine, & it’s wonderful that she knows what works for her!
    I wasn’t really thinking about SFCollege specifically, but generally musing.

    I should have been more clear that I have just taken the concepts that I felt were suggested in her posts, and then thought about them and commented on the concept in general (the concept that girls should be vigilantly counting their sexual partners they’ve ‘gone all the way with’ and certain numbers = ‘good girls’ and certain numbers = ‘sluts’ and there could potentially be some ‘judgment day’ if a future husband, or father, or society doesn’t think her ‘number’ is the correct one). I really didn’t mean to discount her position or disagree, per se, although I can see how my reaction could be construed that way.

    SF, I apologize. I wasn’t trying to liberate you or make you feel like shooting yourself, for a second.

  104. Kindred Spirit says:

    Hello! To answer the blog questions of the day:

    *About how long should a sugar relationship last in your opinion?*

    Ideally? How about at least 3 months? If the mutual sizzle keeps going, great!

    *Have you ever rekindled a sugar relationship past? Care to share?
    What’s your current sugar status?*

    These questions I can’t answer (yet) b/c I’m spanking new at this. Searching for my first SD ever, and pretty psyched about it all! :D

  105. SFCollegebaby says:

    @NYC, thanks. You are absolutely right.

    @Lily, it’s cool. No big deal. Oh and yea I accidentally deleted the word slut from my post. It was supposed to say that I am not comfy being one, even if no one would ever find out.

    On a diff note, I am sooo bored and I only want to shoot myself because of some of my extreme boredom, on top of reading some off the wall stuff here, on top of being in the house for 5 days straight with my only real activity over the past two wks consisting of going to the hospital. I do not take anything too seriously, esp on a blog.

    I think I’ll go back into hibernation now (unless someone says something very interesting that I MUST comment on), but I hope everyone can get along at least for the sake of keeping the blog moving. I think the sds have all run away. LOL

  106. Interesting day on the blog … (munching on popcorn, and watching the show…)

    Seriously folks, blogs are difficult places sometimes. Things get written that, to the writer are clear, articulate and general observations. But they can be unfairly or incorrectly viewed as cheap shots directed at specific people. So please, 1) be clear about what you write, 2) don’t be too sensitive about what you read, and 3) give people leeway if you don’t like something you read.

    Food fights and flame wars don’t serve anybody, and end up wasting everybody’s time.

    And please, if someone wants to jump down my throat for this, please read points 2 and 3 again. Al remember SD Guru’s rule #1 – don’t reward bad behaviour Just sayin’. :-)

  107. NYC SB says:

    SF – i usually kill my boredom by reading… and now by watching all the fab fashion on the golden globes… wayyy less drama there :)

  108. carebear says:

    I’m pretty impressed with the rebutals some have put up. Several valid points. As long as no one is lying in bed writing poetry with mascara tears about blog drama, I think we’re all ‘adult’ enough to voice ourselves here. Thats what the blog is for right?

    The topic choice is excellent, but draws a very blurry line between rules and morals that most of us justify with our own personal preferences as we draw from our own personal statistics. And obviously no 2 sugar relationships are the same, so of course we all have our own idea of what is ‘right’. This is a pseudo example of something the government struggles with called ‘seperation of church and state’. As long as everyone’s moral compass is pointing ‘due north’, who cares.

    Just sayin.

  109. Lily says:

    Exactly. The word slut. (from here on out nothing I say has a thing to do with SFCollegebaby, who is not 19 but an undisclosed age which I will never again assume without her having directly proclaimed it) I’m not comfortable with that word, because it’s a negative concept (form of manipulation) reserved specifically for women. If there would be such thing as a male slut in our culture, then I wouldn’t be so critical of the word. Boy do women love using that word, though, and they so often seem to use the concept of ‘slut’ and ‘not a slut’ to guide their judgment of others, as well as their own self-image.

  110. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, why would you assume that her scoreboard is for others, and not for herself?
    I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to keep track of what you do, it definitely helps you quickly correlate your actions with their results, vs. think that a 60 lb gain is possible on 1200 calories a day, for example.

  111. sweetredhead says:

    DW why don’t you just grow up, you are just making yourself look like the little spiteful girl you are

  112. Lily says:

    Keeping track, sure, and especially self-awareness (wonderful!), and I think SF is right on track.

    Any woman who is naturally low-libido, or celibate in nature, or just extremely cautious and conservative and only feels comfortable sharing her sexuality within a relationship with x, y, z qualities (which are by definition rare to find), is correct in using what’s within her as her guide. I think it’s admirable in today’s promiscuous culture to listen to one’s inner voice and reject what the majority of young people are doing. I admire that.

    But in general, the slippery slope in adoptiong a negative and misogynistic view about women’s sexuality (even a little bit, even subconsciously) is where cultural viewpoints and practices such as female genital mutilation comes from, and I feel strongly wary towards it.

  113. Dandelion Wine says:

    Blog’s topics:
    How long should an arrangement last – as any relationship – until it runs its course, although I would consider a good match to be one that can be comfortably maintained for at least a year.
    My time-lines are: less than 3 month – an experiment/fling; 3-6 months – short-term; 6 month to 1 year – midterm; longer than 1 year – longterm.

    Absolutely, if you chose a person right in the first place and have to say goodbye due to circumstances, there’s no reason why you wouldn’t want to see each other once the circumstances change to more favorable.

  114. Umm SweetRedHead – can I refer you to my post of about 1 hour ago?

  115. Dandelion Wine says:

    Sweetred, why don’t you grow up and start owning up to your words? I thought you said you were on your way out. You know, making empty threats just makes you look as an even bigger drama queen liar than what you already are.

  116. sweetredhead says:

    OMG OC are we reading the same crap? I have been continually insulted called a lier ect and I have

    You know what you are not worth my time. I will go where everyone else is going to get of way from her comments. I am not the only one fed up with it.

  117. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Don’t be the sugar who will be know as the one who took the blog DOWN!

  118. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, I don’t think a physical aspect of the libido has anything to do with that, you can always get a vibrator/toys and take care of yourself.
    While I hear your point on misogyny, I think there also comes a point where you have to draw the line – do you avoid criticizing a certain behavior just because it’s tied to a woman’s sexuality?
    I think it would help if this discussion is led in terms of power, and not sexuality.
    A girl who is an unhappy monogamous relationship for several years does not have power over her decisions and her body. Neither does the girl that sleeps with people as soon as they indicate interest, rather than waiting until she is sure this is what she wants.
    I prefer to chose as friends girls, who while not devaluing men, intimacy and relationships, do not see any man as worthy of changing their higher ethics and aspirations for. I think that’s a sign of a strong character, and I feel that people of strong character are less likely to betray your trust or maintain a friendship with you just to use you, or smile to your face while waiting for an opportune moment to backstab you.
    I think SF SB is trying to maintain a balance of power in that particular relationship, and if her SD didn’t constantly try to resort to power games, she would have been a lot more open to intimacy a long time ago.
    Beyond that, I couldn’t care less if they are 100% celibate or throwing a weekly orgy.

  119. Dandelion Wine says:

    *last sentence should have gone before the comment on SF SB’s situation, stupid iPhone.

  120. Dandelion Wine says:

    OCSB, thank you :) (for the battle comment) and I am stopping REGARDLESS of what else gets said by the particular person :)

  121. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    DW glad we can get back to sugar business :) Thank you

  122. Michael Alleycat says:

    I entered sugar world about 18 months ago, and it has been most fulfilling and the most eye-opening experience of my life. I have learned more in the last 18 months about human nature than I have over the last 20 years.

    Here is the core of what I have learned – a person’s life and behavior at any given moment is (generally) the way their life and behaviour has been and (most likely) will be. For example, if someone has financial issues, they always have and always will continue to have financial issues. If their relationships end up in animosity, this will continue to happen.

    The point is that people have particular patterns of behavior, and they repeat those patterns like a football player does on the field (sorry for the sporting analogy) driven by their past and their probably sub-conscience, and will repeat these behaviours all their lives. It is possible to break these patterns, but most people do not have the willpower to do so.

    So, when I meet a potSB, I ask a ton of questions. What happened in their last few relationships? How did they finish? Do they remain in contact with them? What is their family situation like? What is their current financial situation like? How is their health? Friends? View on society? etc etc etc. Without exception, I have found that their current situation reflects their past situation and experiences, and reflects what will happen in the future.

    Some examples
    - SB from Arivaca, ALL of her relationships ended badly. Guess what happened with us?
    - SB from Tucson – she wanted to move the times around for our first lunch meet-and-greet – guess what, she was always like that. Had no control over her life.
    - My first SB ever – always had money problems, no matter how much I gave her.
    - My ex-#2, had no sharp edge to her, sort of a fuzzy person. She just faded away.

    Ok so before I get flamed this is my experience only. There are certainly exceptions to this. I am not a psychologist, though I do love them.

    Thoughts, anyone?

  123. and btw if anybody wants to take my comments personally, and rip into me, please do so. But please read my post carefully before you do so. You are more than welcome to contact me through my profile directly as well.

    Thanks!! ;-)

  124. adoc says:

    @ Michael- i agree with behaviour patterns but money patterns? those of us in college- particulary demanding college degrees where we cant work parttime as much have money issues. no matter how much u budget $150 doesnt cover a living cost of $250/week

  125. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    We are just going to take a little breather here on the blog and let everyone’s emotions chill a bit, seems like drama is still hot. Plus I hate it when I don’t follow thru with my warnings.
    ~Calming breaths….

  126. SD Guru says:

    As I was enjoying a leisurely Sunday night unwinding from weekend activities, I was alerted to… a blog ran amuck!! 8-O

    Thanks to OC for trying to keep things under control. There are plenty of blame and shame to go around, you know who you are so I don’t need to name any names. Commenting will resume in the morning so that everyone can sleep on it and wake up with a better attitude.

    In the meantime, I’ll remind everyone of the “Blog Etiquette” once again in it’s entirety. I’d like all of you to think about how you can avoid contributing to a flame war next time.

    ——————————

    Blog Etiquette

    Blog drama and personal attacks are not new, when it happens it’s not the first and it won’t be the last time. Cast of characters can come and go in this blog and there will always be fireworks. It usually starts off with people having differing opinions, then somewhere along the way some people interpreted things one way vs another, then it gets into a heated argument with people taking sides, then it doesn’t take much to spiral into name calling and personal attack, then people’s feeling get hurt, then….. well you get the idea.

    I think we can all agree this is a very active and sometimes entertaining blog. In a group of this size there is certainly a wide range of opinions which is very healthy. We can’t control how people choose to express themselves, so the only control we have is how we choose to react and respond to them.

    Here are some suggestions that could make our experience in this blog more constructive and enjoyable:

    1. Think before you hit the “submit” button. Ask yourself, how will my post be perceived by others? As I have said before, our reputation in this blog is our words, and it’s easy for others to see what we’re made of. If you disagree with something, do so with respect and class.

    2. Ignore the flame. In every online forum I have been a part of there are people who take pleasure in spewing off flame bait to get others all worked up. Don’t take the bait! The more you respond the messier it gets.

    3. Have a sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. And by the same token, don’t take the other person too seriously either. Personal attack hurts, but in the grand scheme of things is it a big deal? Do we really have anything to prove to anyone here?

    In addition, please refrain from posting personally identifiable information of others, such name, location, place of employment, etc.

    Discussing differing opinions in a constructive manner is always welcome in the blog. However, personal attacks and name calling are not. We’re here to share our experiences and learn from each other, so let’s focus on doing that!!

  127. Lily says:

    Gooooooooood morning, sugars!!

    I’m listening to my favorite public radio shows via iTunes today & rushing around in the snow running errands. Then again, it’s dusk where I am and dawn where most of you all are!
    But. My heart is in America so I feel morning fresh. :)

    Can I ask y’all a poll question?

    Do you guys have a hobby you participate in with your sugars? I know NYC SB and her SD trade together….. What about the rest of you? Favorite date activity or common interest to fuel the friendship side of the arrangement?

    ~listening~

  128. cleo says:

    lily: i swear if i found an SD i could just read with i’d love it (read whatever, books, shared newspapers… anything)

  129. carebear says:

    Ummmm….sex…..

  130. NYC SB says:

    Cleo – nyc sd and I have kindle dates on sat morning before brunch… Its great :)

  131. Bela says:

    Hmmm past SD’s and I enjoyed watching movies and DEFINITELY reading. Also cooking or finding awesome restaurants, great sex, finding new music to enjoy, reading new articles in medical journals (and then debating the credibility.)

  132. Bela says:

    There are few things more romantic than lying next to a man while he reads to you.

  133. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars! I see that I missed alot. But hows everyone anyway? I really need advice with a possible. Hopely someone will chime in this time. He will be “possible” till we meet We’ve emailed and he’s interested in meeting when he will be in my area on business. My first instinct is to be patient and just wait till he can meet and not push the issue. Or should I be pushy and ask can he meet we sooner? And if a SD can chime in with his advice that would be great!

  134. GenuineSD says:

    RedMaru… I wouldn’t push him for sooner, but I do think a serious pot can have a discussion about shedule… I usually know where and when 30 days out… I think that if he can’t make you comfortable that there is a date coming up, he’s not real serious.
    He gets extra point for rearranging his schedule to meet. In my opinion…

  135. RedMaru says:

    Hey Genuine how are you :D
    Thanks for the advice

  136. @ Lily

    Agree agree agree with your sentiments re: slut/number of sex partners/sex is not a commodity/etc.

    I kinda like to reclaim the word slut though. Not that it justifies its misogynist & sex-negative usage, but when I call myself slutty, I mean it in a super-positive way. I guess that only works because my friends all feel the same way though.

  137. GenuineSD says:

    @Lily. Love snuggling in the morning.. drink Mimosas…. I think learning a new skill or sport together is a really neat way of connecting…. and of course there’s always hot-oil massages by candlelight with soft music…..

  138. Enigma SD says:

    I found the blog topic to be interesting. I considered sugar relationships that only lasted 3 months to be a failure. It appears my perspective on that is much different than others.

    I hope everyone is doing well :)

  139. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    @ Lily - GOLF! Plus the short skirt and the exaggerated bending over when pretending to drop your ball, a little wiggle here and a little wiggle there… Great shared interest :)

  140. SFCollegebaby says:

    I think if someone likes being slutty, so be it. Some women are, some are not. Some men are, some are not. What someone chooses to let in and out of their body is their business. I think finding a way to embrace being slutty is just a way to cope with being so. There are many studies that find that women who live that way end up regretting it and have a low self value. I just took a class on sexuality and there are lots articles/books/personal interviews to back this up. But hey, if someone likes to sleep with 12 sugardaddies per yer and finds that liberating, then so be it. I’m just not one of them.

    @NYCSb, yea I used to be big on reading and then somehow let most of my hobbies slip away. I do read much for school though, but leisurely, I rarely do these days.

    My sd and I like to cook sometimes and this is a fun activity for us. He does most of the cooking though.

  141. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Michael, I agree with most of what you said about behavior. I have always believed that most people really do not change, nor do their behaviors and have seen it sooo many times. As a doc said though, maybe with the money issue, Jand I’m not saying this bc I’m a sb) lol, that sometimes a person can have money issues while young, and then get their education and turn that around. Or turn it around however they choose to. However, I do agree that young or not, say I am in college with horrible spending habits, and then graduate and have money to support that habit. I don’t think I would automatically stop having bad money habits. It would take time to change that, but I wouldn’t say that I would struggle with it forever and always be a spending wreck who is constantly broke.

  142. Lily says:

    I like some of these responses. I’d like to just emphasize that I asked about how to kindle and fuel the ‘friendship side’ of the arrangement. The sexual aspect of the arrangement, and all the types of things you can do which are intimate, and to be done behind closed doors, are not what I’m asking about. I think for a long-term sugar arrangement, taking a break from nookie and erotic endeavors and exploring each other between the ears and learning new things/skills/hobbies is going to be key. My opinion, of course.

  143. Dandelion Wine says:

    SFCB, there’s never an income high enough that you can’t outspend it.
    Except that bad spending habits at a poorer level have you opening store credit cards, maxing them out, and defaulting on them (let’s say a total debt of 15-20k) and bad spending habits at a higher income level have you weaseling your way into a house you cannot afford, and defaulting on it, getting the total debt into a range of hundreds of thousands instead of tens.
    Granted there’s a line where you just can’t make $200 stretch for the entire month, no matter how frugally you live, but even at that point it is usually a temporary situation that you are able to plan for, and even if you can’t make payments, you can still work out something with the creditor, instea of defaulting.

  144. cleo says:

    SFCollegebaby I respect your sentiments but your words as *I* read them have a host of judgement sitting in them.

    As a woman who has been both deeply celibate (4+ years – and that was in my 30′s btw) and one who has thoroughly enjoyed the occasional “slutty” moment I can say from my perspective that it’s all in HOW you make the decision. If you decide to share your body with a man (be it five hours, five days or five months after you meet him) it has to be a decision made from your own center in a place of clarity about your own motivations.

    When I was significantly younger I put a moratorium on any kind of casual sex because it made me feel icky in the morning. Well, that and the effects knowing/watching a girl who had had more than 200 partners before she turned 20! Since then, as I’ve explored my self, my sexuality, my own personal value system and so on and thus I’ve loosened the rules that I made for MYself when I was younger.

    I doubt I will EVER reach triple digits in my personal “tally” (and rest assured I keep track but the number doesn’t bother me it’s just interesting) but I can say with assurance that not once have I regretted the decision to go ahead and sleep with someone (even if it was on the first date) SINCE I found clarity within myself and started making choices for ME and not because a man wanted something from me.

    I could be wrong, in fact I often am, but I would bet the studies you refer to don’t reference the mental health of the women BEFORE they open up their sexuality? [because, like you, I've seen a lot of broken girls looking for approval or something in the arms of the next stranger]

    Thoughts?
    .
    Alleycat: interesting that you yourself tell stories of huge changes, both financial and otherwise, in yourself and yet you allow no other to grow and change as well? There are certainly kernels of my former self in the lady I am today but I can say for certain that I am no longer a constantly late, inconsiderate, forgetful, sexually frigid, financially irresponsible 20 year old [oh my god i'm talking about myself again please don't be offended if you're 20!] and I would hope that those who know me would allow me to evolve as I most certainly am.

    What I am still? kind, generous, loving, warm, funny…

  145. cleo says:

    lily i love genuine’s suggestion of learning something together, i bet that would be awesome fun with the right SD.

    possibilities… hmm… lessons in: scuba, surfing, skiing, chocolate truffle making, massage for couples, golf, cooking, shooting, jewellery making, trading (hi nycsb!) and and and…?

  146. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Dandelion Wine, thanks for the wisdom. I agree with that. You are right. Do you think that if someone sucks with money then they always will? Just curious.

    @Cleo, well first, it was not me who even used the word slut in any of my posts first. Someone else did and then I mentioned it. I do not judge anyone and said this from my intial post. The issue here has been length of arrangements. For me, I like longer arrangements because if sex is involved, then the partners are limited in a long term arrangement (assuming both people agreee only to see each other). Where all of this talk about keeping tally and whatever else came from, idk. I prefer not to sleep with many people, whether they are sds or not. It has nothing to do with society or anything. Just because I do not want to to around, does not mean that I have not found myself, as implied by you and Lily. I KNOW who I am. I am the type of woman who does not want many partners in my lifetime due to my own reasons.

    Why do you have to loosen up your rules with age? Why not tighten them up? Ten years from now, I could be even more conservative in my thinking. Who said that sleeping with multiple people and not feeling badly about it made a woman a woman? Who said that a woman who sleeps with 100 men in their lifetime vs 10 is more liberated? That is absolutely ridiculous. My age has nothing to do with my values.

    As for the studies, I do not even care to get deep into that. The proob is in society. Who typically has higher self esteem and self worth? A pornstar, or a married school teacher? I mean, come on. When it comes to sex, women are more emotionally involved. That is part of who we are. To say that you (NOT YOU, but generally speaking) can sleep with a ton of people and be happy with it is beyond me, but I do not judge women who do that. I just do not buy that story, because at the end of the day, IF you have any respect for your body, sharing it with too many people would make you feel horrible. If not, maybe there is some mental issue there, or you are super woman. Either that, or you are a man and men usually do not care.

  147. SFCollegebaby says:

    Edits:

    Just because I do not want to *sleep* around….
    the *proof* is in society
    And I mean super woman as in some super human being lacking normal human emotion.

  148. cleo says:

    SFCollegebaby i was responding specifically to your comments about “12 SD’s a year” but you are right that i could have posted that without referring to anyone. i am most definitely NOT saying that you have not found yourself; in fact you come across as deeply self aware and as someone who is living her truth.

    I never said a word about what YOU should do, I was merely trying to provide some perspective from a different source. I don’t care what YOU do with your rules I care only what happens to me as I evolve. My neighbour and I were laughing the other day because she is evolving away from “sluttiness” toward celibacy and waiting and I am evolving FROM celibacy to a more liberal sexual attitude. We are both having a blast watching EACH other change.

    What i do object to is you saying that you don’t buy it, that you don’t believe it, that these choices MUST make a woman feel horrible. It’s fair that that is what those choices would do to YOU but it is not the same as what they might do to me. And we are not talking porn stars anyway we are talking regular women who are sleeping with as many men as they care to.

    It’s okay that you don’t want to get into the information hiding in the studies but if that’s the case perhaps you can cite some of them so those of us who are interested can?

  149. cleo says:

    hmm i am in must wait to be posted land and i can’t find a single word that might flag it…. testing

  150. cleo says:

    great, i’m moderated but it’s okay for all the other people to come on here and insult everyone adn i try to use some peace and moderation and banned i get … is this going to last two weeks like last time or am i actually welcome here now?

  151. Lily says:

    SF – do you only date single SDs, in agreed-upon monogamous relationships?

    In the arrangement world, the majority of the SDs are married, and therefore unable to offer exclusivity, and there is no way of knowing who his wife is sleeping with, and who those people are sleeping with and who else the SD is sleeping with without letting you in on it.

    I’m just pointing out that the concept of monogamy in a mutually beneficial relationship is largely a flawed ideal. There could be, and probably has been exceptions, but they only prove the rule. NSA is not about puritanical sexual goals.

  152. carebear says:

    Oc- are you a player?? Handicap? I would say if you’re ever in new england you should come play my course…..but then again my course is a cross country ski track right now. Ha.

    My new sd won’t golf with me =( he’s not very good at taking instruction….

  153. Enigma SD says:

    and to answer Lily’s question… things I have done with my SBs… concerts, hiking, fishing, skiing, swimming, volleyball, shopping (which I deplore), tennis, sporting events, dinners, reading the same book, etc. Typically, my sugar relationships have been more about shared experiences than sex, but I think the shared experiences made the sex better :)

  154. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Cleo, yes I do mind bc it is not worth my time to do so. I’m not gonna provide proof about women who sleep with several men vs with few having lower self esteem bc everyone on the planet already knows this. If you or anyone else want to debate that, kool. But I really do not care to flip through my books from last semester and quote everything. If sleeping around makes you feel good, that is great. But that goes against the very nature of a woman, according to what I have learned and seen thus far.

    @Lily, I do not exclusively date single sds. Of course, if the guy is married, you sleeping with him is sleeping with his wife. That’s not my point. I prefer few sds exposed to my body. Ok? If that is so hard to conceptualize, sorry.

  155. Lisa says:

    OC I think the blog needs another time out

  156. Michael Alleycat says:

    @SFCollegeBaby – the comments I made wouldn’t apply to a-doc, as she is in uni and making an investment in her future. This is circumstance, not pattern.

    However, if she was still a professional student in 15 years time, still no income and still racking up tuition costs, then that is a different story. That would be a pattern.

    @Cleo – I do agree that some people can break their patterns, but they have to recognise the pattern, believe that they have to change, and then make the change. If somebody really wants to make changes, I will support them as much as I can. If you have done so, more power to you, that’s fantastic. I have made some major changes in my life, and yep, it’s difficult.

    In my post, I also used the words ‘generally’ and ‘most likely’ and ‘there are exceptions’. It is a general observation.

  157. Lily says:

    I also do not wish to discuss sexual morales any further for the time being. I think both sides have made plenty of arguments and it can be put to rest, in favor of the topic of long-term sugar arrangements, which I find interesting enough to continue discussing awhile longer, if anyone else wants to continue….?
    Thanks, Enigma, for all of those examples!

  158. @SFCB – look forward to seeing you back here sometime.

  159. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    uhhh oh! What happened now. Please be kind :) A time out is pending if this continues….

  160. Dandelion Wine says:

    SFCB, well there are different types of “sucks with money”.
    In some cases it’s just not knowing how to maximize the value of your money spent – i.e.comparison shopping, negotiating, researching insentives and tax breaks, etc etc or not knowing how to use your money so that it serves you most efficiently – i.e. budgeting, prioritizing, saving, investing. I think in those cases the problem is very easy to fix with a little discipline and education.
    On the other hand you have people that have a very emotional relationship with money and spend to make themselves feel better. Don’t get me wrong, we ALL do that, but it is really out of control for some people – for example, they will go and take a weekend trip or a shopping spree with the money that was set aside for rent, and then find themselves with no rent money when the rent is due and have to borrow, usually at really high rates, and pay a lot of money in penalties. That kind of behavior has more to do with the underlying psychology – severely lacking impulse control and conscience. Frankly, I don’t think you can ever help that person, unless they choose to go get professional help, both psychological and financial.
    I also would like to note a distinction between someone who has reasonable expectations of an upcoming improvement in the standard of living (a graduating student for example) and is leveraging his/her future earnings to improve the current conditions, and someone who does not have any reason to expect such improvement, yet still lives outside his/her means

  161. Bela says:

    lol I know that it’s not funny, But it really kinda is. I’m intrigued that one line from Lisa made her “annoying.” Let’s not sweat the small stuff. Smile :)

  162. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    @ Bela so true so true. Did you know that Lisa was the very first blog’er? Yep she was :)

    @ Carebear I have lived on a golfcourse and loved that my backyard became a cross country course and a huge playground for my dog! My handicap is that I actually keep playing the stupid game ;)

    Hola DW and Michael Stray Cat (just trying it out) ;)

  163. Dandelion Wine says:

    OC, hola!
    How long has the blog been around?

  164. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Hello Dandelion Wine~ I believe the first blog topic was in May of 2008.
    When I first started to blog I would spend hours reading the old blogs.
    They are really entertaining. So cool to see how they have evolved over the years.
    http://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog/?p=1

  165. RedMaru says:

    Evening everybody! Wow I seemed to have missed something again!

  166. cleo says:

    sometimes i remember why cliches are cliches

    like “for every finger pointing at me there are three more pointing back at you”
    or “don’t take it personally”
    or “there are three kinds of lies, lies, damn lies and statistics” (mark twain)
    or “anytime ‘everyone knows’ something there’s a logical fallacy staring you in the face”
    or “anytime you use ‘you never’ or ‘you always’ in an argument you’re no longer speaking to the person in front of you”

    or (my personal fave) “when you are 15 you know your father is stupid, when you are 21 you can’t believe how much he’s learned”

    okay that’s enough of that :)
    .
    interestingly my clients and i randomly fell into a discussion of sexual mores today and it was awesome.
    .
    lily: for me an ideal arrangement would last quite some time. i would love to form a long term friendship with someone and really grow and evolve with them without ever really expecting “more”

    i’m not sure “more” is something i want anymore and if it were something i would consider i have to say it would take a VERY long time to get there.
    .
    SFCollegeBaby i never called you names, i asked you to cite your source and in the meantime gave examples of two women (myself and my friend) who are evolving in opposite directions. that you chose to take it as an attack says more about you than me.

    i appreciate that you don’t like us, i’m sorry you feel the need to insult us on your way out the door but i do wish you luck with your studies and your SD and regardless of whether we agree on this or not i did enjoy many of your posts while you were here.

  167. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lol, the more things change, the more they stay the same

  168. cleo says:

    DW: rofl, knew i missed one!

  169. Kindred Spirit says:

    @Lily’s blog question (great one, btw): I agree with cleo on the couples massages idea!! Taking lessons together, reading together, and hope this last one doesn’t sound too juvenile…but board games can be fun with enjoyable background music (chinese checkers, chess, others…). Hot-air balloon rides, visiting animal sanctuaries, hm basically nearly anything you could do on a regular date you could probably enjoy with an SD/SB, no? :D Er, except meet the parents?

  170. Dandelion Wine says:

    Cleo, haha, I posted it as a response to the link to the first blog, without even seeing your post.

    Re: your discussion with SFCB, if you google low self esteem + promiscuity, you will find A LOT on the subject. For example:
    Why is promiscuity always linked to low self-esteem? I’m 33 and have had lots of sexual partners, perhaps 25 to 30, and don’t feel bad about myself. I like variety and different men, they turn me on in different ways. Why should I feel guilty? Name and address withheld

    It is not always linked to low self esteem, but as this is a frequent cause it is almost always inevitably mentioned in the differential diagnosis. Other women, and men, may have a sociopathic personality and have a compulsive desire to seek instant gratification. They see someone who turns them on and so they immediately want him or her. They are like children who no sooner see a chocolate than they want it, a toy in the shop window than they begin to nag on until it has been bought for them or, more alarmingly, a puppy that is sweet than they must have a dog. Turning a lustful relationship into a long term one is a function of a different part of the brain. Your lust may be stimulated in different ways by different people, but if you are going to transform one of these short affairs into a long term, preferably life-long, relationship you will need more than just physical attraction. You will need mutual interests, possibly domestic such as house and children, possibly professional, social or even political. Once the relationship is established it should in time move on to a deep friendship. You shouldn’t feel guilty. You may not have a lack of self-esteem but so long as you always make it plain to your boyfriends that the chances of you being a long term partner are remote you are not deluding them.

    timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/expert_advice/article1640787.ece

    sarasota.usf.edu/Academics/CAS/Capstone/2009-2010/Psychology/Promiscuity%20and%20Self-Esteem.pdf

  171. cleo says:

    i just think it’s interesting that there is an assumption that any woman who embodies or owns or enjoys or whatever word you like her own sexuality has low self esteem. i can absolutely recognize that it’s a common pattern and one that i’ve seen myself, but the idea that it’s true for ALL women is ludicrous.

    now i have to go eat some excellent dinner with my friend who is all “i can’t believe i’m being CELI|BATE for some guy i hardly know” since she’s usually strongly sexual and into a fair amount of gratification [more the has fun while single but prefers monogamy than incapable of commitment type] while we discuss the opening of my sexual flower so i’ll read that article later this evening :)

    rofl how bad was that purple prose right there?

    later skaters

  172. Kindred Spirit says:

    Any one ever read “The Ethical Slut”? Interesting read…one of several books I’m reading right now (I’m a book-whore who may finish one start to finish, but also enjoys getting in the middle of varying subjects.) :)

  173. Moon Patrol says:

    To add to board games, if you are in a long term relationship, what about building puzzles? You can get to know someone doing that.

  174. Kindred Spirit says:

    Board games with flirting. Playful teasing between game moves, seductive glances, sporadic and tantalizing touches…but no nooky ’til game’s over…and you can decide together what the winner may get…(something special or different than usual, perhaps?).

  175. Moon Patrol says:

    If you play monopoly or one of the many versions of it, it could be a long time before you get to anything else.

  176. Jessie says:

    RTB are you lurking? If so, can I talk to you please?

  177. cleo says:

    wow
    i mean wow.

    clearly it’s time to go outside

  178. Beach_Girl says:

    SFSB~ If you don’t know someone personally or IRL do not make assumptions. Cleo is an amazing women that I am proud to know and be friends with In Real Life!
    Everyone clearly has a different idea of the word “SLUT” don’t assume that because someone has a different opinion that they are slutty!!!
    OMG, And I might have missed a lot of the dialog, but Cleo is amazing, sweet, open and is a grace of a Lady

    Cleo~ totally adore you girl!!!!

  179. SFCollegebaby says:

    First of all, the word slut was thrown out by Cleo first. I don’t care how amazing you think she is. I don’t care about you or what either of you do. This is not a freaking sorority. I do not care what you think or anyone else so thank you. I’m just tired of simple minded people.

    Why should I be banned? I ignored several attempts to piss me off and now I’m just irritated. If the “blog gods” want to ban me, fine. But I’ve contributed my feedback in a respectful manner time and time again, despite being verbally insulted by many people. She is OLD enough to speak for herself anyway.

  180. Beach_Girl says:

    SFSB~ simple minded people?!?!? lol.that is funny.. I know Cleo can talk for herself, I just gave my opinion! that is all…

  181. SFCollegebaby says:

    All you guys do is try to bully and discourage new people from posting. Grow up. Some of us really come here to get advice and here about other ppls sd/sb experiences. Old ladies with an vendetta need to throw in th towel and find other hobbies than sds. Because apparently, you are not even good at that.

    Go ahead, moderate me, ban me, whatever. I am sitting here laughing…that’s the funny part. I am not taking anything seriously per se, but I will say that I hate my buttons pushed, which some people take pleasure in doing here.

    @DW, other than the sds here, I really think a lot of what you say is beneficial to people actually here looking for advice. I really appreciate that. I wanted to respond to your money post but these evil hounds would not stopand now I cannot probably.

    @Michael, thanks for the comment, although you might take it back now. Lol but thanks again.

  182. The Lone Gunman says:

    Well, this one time, at band camp….

    Things I enjoy doing with an SB and vice-versa?

    Shopping. Reading. Conversation on a wide variety of serious and silly subject matter. Disagreeing. Resolving disagreements. Agreeing to disagree. Good food, wine and spirits. Travel. Laughing (a LOT!). Smiling mischievously at nothing at all. Gazing into each other’s eyes.

    Is it getting warm in here?

    TLG

  183. Beach_Girl says:

    TLG~ What happened at band camp??? lmao!!!

  184. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    @SFCollegebaby oh man what can I say that will not anger you. Just please take a deep breath and understand that all that post here are welcome. With that said, please try and refrain from bursts of anger. I know that your buttons are pushed, but we can all post together peacefully. Please …yes I said please :)

  185. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    @Cleo I have never been prouder of you than I am right now. You went outside for air! :)

  186. The Lone Gunman says:

    Once upon a time, there was this nice little blog where people would gather and talk about all manner of things that were of mutual interest to them. Eventually they sorted themselves out into two groups: Sex and Money.

    For a long time, the two groups got along well, and even advised each other as to how to deal with each other’s members when frictions arose, as they inevitably will when people of varying backgrounds, experience and attitudes come together.

    Then there came a day when someone in one group declaimed that there was no possibility of Sex without Money, and some Sexy people took umbrage at the remark without realizing that the written, printed word can be misinterpreted as to nuance and meaning by the person reading it. Anyway, they fired back with the shot that there was absolutely no possibility of Money without Sex, and the debate took off from there–escalating into insane amounts of verbiage, skirmishes and attacks until the ultimate happened, with missiles arcing over the Pole and a server buried deep within a mountain chuckling electronically to itself at the game called Global Thermonuclear Blogging.

    THEN—all was silence. Peace once again presided over a devastated virtual landscape, where the remaining survivors scratched out a meager existence searching for their next Allowance or Companion.

    ..and somewhere, in the distance, a dog barked.

    TLG

  187. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi OC~ :-)

    TLG~ lol…

  188. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Hey Beach Girl :) today I feel like I am 100 years old. Tried to open a bottle of wine but it was too much work. Seriously, I couldn’t get it open!

    Oooooh what kind of dog, was it a big dog bark or a high pitched little yapper bark! lol

  189. SFCollegebaby says:

    Lol wow you guys are soooo funny. Omg really?

  190. SFCollegebaby says:

    Ok, I’m over this. Can one of you teach me how to knit? Or let me know how to prevent osteoperosis when I get old? Because I’m just a young college student trying to learn here. Please enlighten me.

    I want to be friends with everyone, from grannies to babies. So let’s all get along. Its MLK day..can’t we all just get along?

    I have a dream, that one day, all of the old heads and the young heads could come together and have peace. I have a dream to be. LOL, now that is funny.

  191. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Yes that is funny SFbaby. I know that we can get along. But seriously don’t be so serious, we love to be silly and show our sass from time to time. In the sugar bowl it is all about finding the humor in the little things. Beach_Girl wants me to change my blog name to Old Lady OC! Ha! No! Just call me Granny from now on :)

  192. Yaz says:

    TLG~ Je t’aime! lmaoo

    Play nice ladies P L E A S E!

  193. Yaz says:

    All joke aside tho….I just went through all the comments and my jaw dropped a few times.. Seriously??

    Young, old, experienced, inexperienced…..Can’t we all just get along? Let’s stop with all the name calling please…

  194. adoc says:

    @TLG: oh your a creative genius :D. xxx

    im so sick – ive been in bed for three days. I can barely eat or swallow. my self diagnosis is glandular fever :( but need bloodtests- just noone at home to take me to the doctor. whiiiinge- or maybe its just man flu :P

  195. cleo says:

    kindred: oh yes board games! and cards, maybe poker with betting?
    .
    moon patrol: i loooooove jigsaw puzzles, one of my best friends just got a 3d globe puzzle and i’m going to play with the oceans tomorrow!
    .
    beach: you are literally one of the sweetest people i have ever met do you know that?
    .
    ocsugarbaby: good times with good friends, can you beat that?
    .
    TLG: but, when the dog barked, who answered?
    .
    okay gotta take my old bones to bed, need my beauty rest you know
    :)

  196. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Hi Yaz! It is all good :)

    adoc sounds like a broken foot. Well that is what usually comes up on Webmd when ever I self diagnose :/
    Lots of rest and call someone to take you to the doctor!

    Nite Miss Cleo :)

  197. SD Guru says:

    The maturity level of some people in this blog continues to astound me! :roll:

  198. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Night everyone! I better go before I get into more trouble :s Sweet Sugar Dreams.

  199. carebear says:

    SD Guru started it.

  200. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Run carebear run! save yourself… lol lol

  201. Arcadia SB says:

    Well last night I couldn’t post because the blog was in lock down…and tonight I don’t even know what to post. I’m glad I missed the nuclear war…and most of the fallout.

    Got my last application for grad school in the USA in today. Grad School in the UK deadlines not until June…which makes my life a little bit more tricky. However this time next year I could be in Boston or San Francisco or the UK (which is handy since I have friends there)! They do have to let me in. However I’m just breathing a big sigh of relief that the worst of it is over, no more essays! Just had to get that out. Hope everyone has a great night (after taking a few deep breaths) ^_^

  202. SFCollegebaby says:

    It astounds me as well. I’m 19 though, so what can you expect? I wonder what the excuse is for much older people. I’m not taking anything seriously. I never really did, just was irritated. No one knows me here and vice versa so who cares?

    My posts have always been about my sexless sd/sb arrangement and from day one, haters attacked me left and right. I tried to offer my wisdom and advice, so the unlucky women could learn something, yet they ripped me apart, rather than listened. I really thought I could bring a lot to this empty table. I tried to save em’ and it didn’t work. That’s ok. Now I will no longer share my secrets to success. So if you can’t find a sd, sorry for you.

    Although I still maintain my position that some people get away with being rude here, and others do not, I guess that is all irrelevant. I guess the blog creators like to see the same people posting over and over from 20 years ago, and those people maintain control. I feel like this is some Communistic cult. But again, who cares? If you guys want to keep discouraging new people from posting and trying to be part of this little whatever it is, so be it. I really probably will just not post again b/c it’s a waste of time. Besides, my current sd is from a different site, as are all of my other 3 potentials. So SA really has not been good to me from any standpoint. I therefore could care less to continue to be here. And being that I usually stay out of the drama, I’m sure once I’m gone, it will continue. B/c old habits die hard. And old people stuck in their ways are hard to change. So goodnight, and Happy MLK Day and remember that we all have a dream. lol

    Everyone have a wonderful night.

  203. Dandelion Wine says:

    SFCB, I can teach you to knit, my grandma taught me when I was a kid :)

    SD guru, continues* as it refers to level, and not people.

  204. carebear says:

    Ok, some of ya’ll know me …..fairly well…. and it may be obvious to most that I’m not the type to -straight up- call someone out. But this is just too good to resist.

    Profile #: 374116

    Message:
    I am 52 yo male, single, no wife no kids,looking for a date to an official reception for this comming saturday. just friends no sex expectations unless we hit it off
    Reception is a Christmass Party for a local hospital a lot of friends and bussiness associate so be ready to be a center of both good attention from male friends and possible very bad attention from female friends.
    Let me know if you are intereted

    Yesterday was Martin Luther King Jr. day, aka January 16th. Perfect week for a Christmas party. Genius follows with:

    well call and check , I am not a rapist I am a physician. (he disclosed exact location, time of event, and sponsor where he is a ‘physician’ OH and I happen to know this particular club has a rep for being jewish only……but they’re throwing a Christmas party…..). Rape date would be in a park and I am not sure I want to rape you you sound kind of dumm so not my type . Good Luck.

    I love this site. I really do.

  205. carebear says:

    *January 17th….before I get called out.

  206. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    Michael’s post reminded me about a promise to the forum that I neglected to fulfill. So I am rising out of lurkland to post about the outcomes of my brief odyssey in the Bowl.

    Just a warning that the following post may be really boring, so please feel free to skip it. Also, I have been told many times including in this blog that as an SD I am unusual (polite term) or “strange” (less polite). So my experience is likely to be “strange” and would probably not apply to many others?

    BACKGROUND: Joined SA mid last year and stayed active for around 3 months. Now dormant with profile hidden and subscription expired. Based outside the US. Explicit in profile about expectations for love making / sex. Disliked the normal allowance structure but focused more on trying to leave some lasting help for SB (hence the “strange” part?). This required getting to know a SB’s personal situation pretty well. In a few cases, the pot SB was not at all comfortable with that.

    Immediately started receiving messages and tried to reply out of politeness to all. So nearly all relationships were made with SB’s initiating contact. At the beginning had 3-4 contacts with SB’s over multiple email/messaging/short calls which ultimately ended up fizzling (I attribute this mainly to my own ignorance; later on I got better at when to signal a stop early on which saved much time and effort on both sides).

    Ended up with about 15+ face to face meetings with SBs based in 6 countries on 3 continents (I travel sometimes in places with a lot of small countries). In one special case, I flew a pot SB to me across an ocean for the first face to face (it went well). Otherwise all first meetings were in the SBs home city. 4 pot SDs stated in these first meetings that they had experience with the sex industry (dancers, escorts, etc.) when I expressed that such experience didn’t matter negatively to me (which is true).

    7 went beyond a first meeting. Age spectrum = 25-30 years old: 3 (although I suspect that at least one was actually >30), 30-40 year: 1, 40-50 years: 2, >50 years: 1. Cultural spectrum: USA/Canada: 2, Australia: 1, West European: 2, East European: 1, Asian: 1. In two cases the relationship ended abruptly with some SB agitation. Sadly in both cases the SBs had very poor childhood family pasts including problems with fathers or father figures (sexual abuse, though not stated, seemed a possibility). I couldn’t do anything to help. I noticed that both have since deleted their SA profiles and disappeared. Very sad, actually.

    For the five, they were helped in a variety of ways specific to their situation. These included medical surgery, interest free soft loans to cure credit card debt (without which the debt may not have ever been paid back given the absurd interest rates), solo self-discovery trips (without me) to exotic places to “Eat, Pray, Love”, dollops of cash when needed, etc. One SB in particular just wanted discreet and regular sex, and insisted on splitting hotel bills (I think she felt my SD contributions were the flowers, chocolates, massage oils, bubble baths and gentle ear to listen which I brought into her life).

    Current status: for one SB the relationship is moving away from romance and toward a career opportunity I introduced; one SB is coping with boredom and wants me to drop by every once in a while; one SB keeps in touch passionately and wants me to return to her country; one SB will be Eat, Pray, Loving in various places before a major career and geography change; one amazingly talented SB is still evolving as a person so the relationship is evolving.

    That’s about it. Please feel free to ask questions or criticize. If I disappear from the forum, that means I feel I fulfilled my promise and have descended back into lurkdom.

    Best wishes for a Happy New Year to all!

  207. Cali SB says:

    Hello all! Been a while since I have been here. Other things keeping my time busy, no real time to search on here. I’ve found it’s nearly impossible to find anyone in the Los Angeles area. There are almost 1000 results within 10 miles of me. It’s impossible to weed through that. How do you ladies in LA ever find an arrangement?

  208. @Kindred Spirit

    I have read “The Ethical Slut” and actually recommend it to *anyone* who is sugar dating (or interested in any kind of non-vanilla/non-traditional dating).

    SF, if you are interested in reading the perspective that many of us disagreeing with you are coming from, I highly recommend this book. You might not agree with it or anything, but it might help you to understand why so many of us are finding your comments offensive and also give you another perspective (complete with valid references) on the topic. Even if all it does is reinforce your own opinion, I think reading that other perspective might be useful.

    I recommend everyone add “The Ethical Slut” to their sugar reading lists. It is not at all about sugar but is majorly helpful in working through other aspects of dating multiple people at once, owning your sexuality, etc. The chapter on Jealousy is so, so good. It is targeted at people in open relationships but delves a lot into the roots of why monogamy is so compulsory and deconstructing that. I think people like Cleo, Lily, etc., will already agree with a lot of it and/or find its contents interesting from what y’all have already posted.

    @ BBFU

    If I were to know a SD like you, I would be really interested in something like what you’ve said you’ve offered these other ladies. The problem is, most men who I’ve met online will promise the world and in reality, deliver nothing. I’d be happy to date someone who I knew would impact me for the better in the long run. There is some debt I need to pay off, some surgery I could really use but can’t afford, and your idea about solo, self-discovery trips is awesome and I wish I saw that around more often. Problem is, I’ve had multiple SD’s promise me similar things and never deliver. But at least from them I was receiving an allowance. I still felt a little cheated when they didn’t follow through on their other promises though.

    So, basically, I think your particular method of contributing to a sugar arrangement is really awesome. I just don’t know how I personally would feel about accepting such an arrangement if I was approached with that offer, even though I ultimately want the kind of things you offer much more than I want cash.

  209. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    @ThirdWorld

    Many thanks for the quick reply. Your thoughts support a suspicion of mine: many SB’s don’t really want an allowance type structure perhaps because it seems cold and contractual, it may cheapen the relationship, can hurt one’s self-esteem, etc. But because of a lack of trust / fear of being cheated (and perhaps wishing to avoid conflict), many default to the allowance for its simplicity.

    Actually providing what an SB needs (which in many cases, even she is not quite certain about) requires much more trust on both sides than most people are willing to give. To begin with, the SD has to have enough confidence to trust to tell the truth about what he wants and is willing to give for the relationship (which seems to be pretty rare), the SB has to be willing to truthfully open up about herself to a stranger (which curiously, I found is easy for many SBs to do at the beginning, but gets harder as the trust deepens).

    Two give you an idea of how difficult it is to build such trust, I actually offered two pot SBs very large interest free soft loans which they turned down out of lack of trust / fear even though in their cases, the $$ would have gone a long way to help.

    Bisous all (the ladies anyway!)

  210. Lily says:

    So glad to see you posting again, BBFU! I love your different perspective on being a mentor and confidante to your SBs.

  211. It’s kind of understandable why people would be reluctant to trust each other though, right? I meet some older man off the internet who claims to be rich, and he claims to be a sugardaddy and wants a sexual relationship with me, and all I have to go on that he will actually hold up his end to benefit me in any way is his word. And how long does it take before this sugar daddy starts holding up his end of the bargain?

    I think it all sort of comes back down to “who goes first?” Do I decide to sleep with someone who might just be a con artist based on their word? Of course, if this whole sugar-universe were less anonymous and I had word from other sugar friends that someone was an honest man, that would be different. But unfortunately, I have been conned before and had promises broken in many different situations. I’ve even had SD’s who were consistent with my allowance be completely incapable of following through on any other kinds of promised help.

    How do you build trust if neither party is laying anything particularly substantial on the table, or who goes first if one of you must? I think money simplifies that because it can be used to trade at the exact point that something valuable (intimacy) is given on the other side, and you sort of can’t bullshit about whether you are following through on your end or not with that one. Cash rarely lies.

    I do wonder a few things, though. If you’re looking to help someone pay off her debt, why not just give her the money or send the money directly to her creditors? Why a loan? I would be hesitant to sign papers with someone who I barely knew. And I guess, more importantly, I am wondering, how do you build trust with these sugarbabies? How long do you wait for intimacy, and how do you handle that “who goes first” aspect?

  212. Capricious says:

    Good Morning all!
    Glad to see some friendly familiar faces. Resuming search again…. I guess you’ve tasted it once, you’re addicted.
    HOpe everyone is doing well.
    Any exciting updates?!

  213. Enigma SD says:

    Hey Capricious – good to see you again! This is Austin SDs old boyfriend :)

  214. Capricious says:

    ThirdWorldSB: Maybe I’m oldschool, but I really don’t think an arrangement should be looked at with business, transactional eyes. An arrangement is no different than a typical intimate relationship. You wouldn’t sleep with someone without fully trusting them. If I decide to sleep with a SD, it isn’t with the intent of hoping that he will invest in me, or (for the lack of better terms) reimburse me. Either immediately or later in the future. (Feels like I’ve wrote this before) The questions you asked, “How long do you wait for intimacy, and how do you handle that “who goes first” aspect?” That’s something between and your potSD to figure out.
    I’m ending my non-sensical comment with a quote,
    “The Sun doesn’t give light to the moon, assuming the moon is going to owe it one.”

  215. Capricious says:

    Engima… Bromance Master???!! How you doing love??!

  216. Enigma SD says:

    Doing well thank you. I’ve had a lot of sugar drama lately, but it all ended better than I could have ever hoped. Good to see you back in the sugar world :)

  217. Capricious says:

    Oh no! Stalker drama again? Or Bunny boiler? Another NPD? lol
    Thanks! I wish I wasn’t searching again though.

  218. SD Dude says:

    ok so i am hoping to get back to a more normal blog topic. I am having very little luck getting any of the women on here to write back after I email them, maybe 10% response rate. Now look I know that I’m not gonna get responses from most of the women I reach out too. But I am particularly surprised by those profiles that clamor for respectful emails and not “mass winkers and picture collectors” then ignore a respectful email. Just not sure what you ladies are looking for in an opening email. I know that we don’t want to trade a million emails back and forth but nonetheless we gotta start someplace. And you know I don’t really send a lot of emails on here. If someone catches my eye and her profile grabs my attention too, I’ll send one. Anyway, wanted a little blog feedback i guess – particularly from you younger ladies, as I am fairly young myself and genuinely stick to the under 25 crowd, but please anyone throw me a bone here lol – so I reprinted an email I sent to someone below. While every email I send is itself different, this is a pretty typical example (with some redactions):

    “just wanted to take a second to say what’s up. I know you’re up in _______ and i’m in _______ but I’m willing to travel. I’ve been looking locally for a few months and haven’t been able to find anyone where it works for us, so I’ve widened my search.

    You look absolutely beautiful in your picture and sound legit on your profile which is what prompted the email. I’m a ______ from _______. Probably a little younger than most of the guys on the site but after a failed marriage – no kids- and the dating game for a while, I just want some fun without all the where is this going biological clock hassle. lol

    My profile is sparse and hidden actually, I’m kinda a privacy guy not really looking to just be out there for the world to see. I love learning stuff and doing stuff. Outdoors, art, sports whatever. Unless I’m reading I really don’t do the couch potato thing very well.

    I should also say that I’m no billionaire. I won’t promise you new cars and trips to Paris or blow smoke up your ass about crazy gifts. I’m generous, gracious and grateful for the success I’ve had and more than willing to share some with someone special.

    Ok so this is turning into a novel lol – I don’t really email that often on here – but whatever I guess. If any of this appeals to you, let me know. We can talk a little and see if it’s worth meeting up. Either way, good luck and be safe.”

    Thoughts?

  219. Lily says:

    Capricious Kitty! So nice to see you.
    How’s your search looking so far? Too soon to tell?

  220. Enigma SD says:

    I will share one of the dramatic events – it actually didn’t take more than my time to read an email… Not sure if you remember this past summer, I had an SB for a few months. We had a few dates and were getting along well, but she would never go out with me in the evenings. When I questioned her about it, she said that she was uncomfortable being seen with me in the evenings because it would look like we were dating. Because of that, I ended it with her, because I wasn’t interested in being with someone that was embarrassed to be seen with me. It took about 2 weeks and countless emails and texts messages to end it. Well, this Sunday, I get an email from my “little princess” saying that she would like to try to rekindle things and that the reason she didn’t want to be seen with me in the evenings was that she is married (but now getting divorced) and has a 5 year old daughter. All this despite the fact that she had told me she was single and no children. Just when I thought I had seen it all. There were many responses that went through my head, but I simply chose not to respond.

  221. Lily says:

    SD Dude — that sounds like an email I would respond to. If the girl doesn’t respond, probably she is not really sure that she belongs on this site. It’s slightly more common amongst the under 25 crowd of girls—-meaning that they are dabbling with the idea of an arrangement, but not really, truly sure if they are up to no-strings-attached fun (& financial assistance) with an older man. That’s a gross generalization, but it was the only thing I could think of regarding your low success rate with email responses from your notes to university aged ladies. Sometimes young women can be startlingly mature. And sometimes, they aren’t ready for the sugarbowl, but put up a free profile and then just read the emails they receive for a little thrill & ego boost that they aren’t really ready to take to a ‘reality’ level. (Of course age is not the utmost indicator of likelihood of this phenomenon–women of any age can put up a profile and not be serious about being in an arrangement)

  222. Bela says:

    TLG – Best story ever. The only thing is it’s missing the pretty princess (batting eyelashes.)

    Adoc – Be careful!! You may develop a serious case of MSS (Medical Student Syndrome.) I know I had it for about six months during the semester I took Infectious Diseases.

    BBFU – While I applaud the SB’s who find allowance arrangements, I have to agree with ThirdWorld. Finding someone who can do what you’ve done would be a dream. I tend to get turned off when a man starts promising the world to get what he wants. It feels like a flag, because what man would sincerely promise these things to a woman he’s never seen?? It generally makes him either a liar or a fool, neither of which interests me. I’d love to find an SD who could be a financial mentor, since I find that is an area where I could use more guidance.

    SD Dude – There might be an issue for the pots you’re attempting to contact because your profile is hidden. It might be perceived as you hiding something rather than just being an individual who values your privacy. I do like that your email is more than the typical one sentence that we see all too often

  223. Enigma SD says:

    SD Dude – I am obviously not an SB, but things I have heard from other SBs about younger SDs are that they are concerned younger SDs are looking for wives or girlfriends, not SBs. Perhaps in your initial email you can alleviate their concerns by stating that you are looking for an SB and not a future wife or serious gf. Happy hunting!

  224. Capricious says:

    SD DUDE: My first impression is that you sound sincere, not coming off as cocky, jerky or posessive. The only part that slightly concerns me is,
    “I should also say that I’m no billionaire. I won’t promise you new cars and trips to Paris or blow smoke up your ass about crazy gifts. I’m generous, gracious and grateful for the success I’ve had and more than willing to share some with someone special.”
    Nothing wrong in your thoughts, but SBs get bombarded with e-mails like this regularly. And this generally means either a) no allowance b) cheap as hell. Maybe adding in an additional sentence that makes your offer slightly more tempting?
    I would also like to add that through no fault of your own. There are many SBs that look for P4P that is not looking for “shared moments” and would prefer something with even less emotional attachments.
    Good luck.

  225. Capricious says:

    Engima: Nothing surprises me anymore… Thank you for clearing the sterotype that only SDs are liars. SBs can be just as harsh and deceitful.

  226. Capricious says:

    Lily: Haven’t even made a new profile… just been procrastinating. I did meet a very prominent man yesterday that I’ve got my eyes set on. :)

  227. Enigma SD says:

    oh and one more thing…. shout outs for Carebear who gave me some awesome advice last week, and for CollegeSB who was very supportive :)

    Good to see you Bela and Lily :)

  228. Bela says:

    Morning Enigma!! Hope all is well with you :)

  229. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    Hi Lily, thanks again for the pics of the NYC soiree!

    3rd World, those questions are very good. But often, there is no clear answer . . . nor a sure fire way of doing things. For example, I am quite sure that a good number of the SBs contacted think that I am a liar, or broke my word. Thankfully there were enough successes to show (especially to myself) that there seems to be something to my thrashing about the Bowl.

    *** It’s kind of understandable why people would be reluctant to trust each other though, right?

    Yup, true in most things human. But I have found that when one can find the few to trust, magic things happen whether in romance, business, growth . . .

    *** I think it all sort of comes back down to “who goes first?” who goes first if one of you must?

    Yup. To gain trust, one has to risk it. I find myself often to be the first to risk “trust” in order to see if someone is capable/willing to trust in return.

    *** he claims to be a sugardaddy and wants a sexual relationship with me, Do I decide to sleep with someone who might just be a con artist based on their word? How do you build trust if neither party is laying anything particularly substantial on the table?

    To start risking trust by (for the SB) sleeping with someone or by (for the SD) paying $$$ or giving lavish gifts would be way too much to risk for most folks. It starts small. At first contact and after checking a pot SB profile, I send her a lot of factual info about me (I had a mini-bio + pics ready to email with where I was born and raised, where I went to school, what my career was – lots of dates, places, names, etc.). If she replied with a similar level of info, I sent her my name. With that I assume that she could google me to see that I spoke the truth (any genuine SD should be easy to find on Google). At this point, I should also have her name (and thus can google her). If all is consistent, I call her.

    If you are honest with yourself, and have nothing to hide, this basic info is easy to put on the table, and should be easy for her to reciprocate. If not . . . Normally this should be fast 2-3 emails over 2-3 days is plenty. If it doesn’t move that fast, something isn’t right.

    *** And how long does it take before this sugar daddy starts holding up his end of the bargain?

    Depends on what “bargain” is struck. The next step after calling and talking a few times is to meet up with no promises on either side except perhaps for the SB to chose the date, time and place (for her safety) and for the SD to pick up the tab (he is supposed to be the SD after all). The only “bargain” is that everyone shows up and SD pays the restaurant/bar bill.

    At that first meeting, each SD and SB will have another major chance to extend or stop the trust process (the 1st stage was basic info over email/google, the 2nd was hearing the other’s voice, meeting is the 3rd). To get the most out of the 1st meeting, you should have a very confident idea of what you are like youself, and what you are looking for in the other. If not, you will just waste a lot of time and frustration finding out the hard way through lots of meetings. If you know yourself well enough, you will have no problem in politely and gently ending the meeting as soon as you know it’s not going to work (SDs should of course offer to pay for the full bill even if he leaves).

    If the 1st meeting goes well, there is more of course, but it is going to be longwinded. Let me know if anyone wants me to expand.

    *** why not just give her the money or send the money directly to her creditors? Why a loan?

    Any money from a loan does go to the creditors to pay back her debt. Why a loan? Because often times, just a gift of cash won’t solve her underlying issues with why the debt built up in the first place. Sometimes cash is a solution. Most times it is not (look at the surprisingly sad lives of many lottery winners?).

    *** How long do you wait for intimacy?

    If one has been honest from the start and the trust is building, it’s pretty fast and doesn’t need to be asked for nor negotiated in my limited experience. I will probably get some flack for this: generally within the 1st or 2nd meeting (please don’t throw things at me too hard?). :-)

    An note here: I began to write out some deep analysis of my thoughts. But it just got too long. So I’ll try taking the sweet, short and direct approach to the questions:

    - And how long does it take before this sugar daddy starts holding up his end of the bargain?

  230. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    @SD Dude I enjoyed your direct and honest verbiage in your intro letter. However that is where my brain freezes and loses interest. (just my opinion)
    It is a form letter which is mostly about you and what you are and are not. Yes, you said I am pretty but you are writting this in a form letter so I assume you have now said those same words to a 100 SBs.
    So you are getting about a 10% response rate on this approach. Care to try a different marketing tactic? It is one where you zero in on one specific area of that individual SBs profile or something in her picture. Not “hey you have beautiful eyes or smile” type of comment but one more in line with something she said in her profile. Take for example I have said that I am new to California in my profile. Ask me more about that but also make it light hearted enough that I don’t feel like you are just asking me where I moved from. Example: “Must be frustrating learning how to find places” or “Map quest must be your new best friend”. Take the fact that I am new and as we all know learning how to find your way in a new city is a challenge. Zero in on the specific SB you are emailing and find your creative humor and sincerity when you send that first email. It doesn’t have to be a long one but show interest in HER and try the Zero In technique.
    If you want I can give you some good intro’s if you want to email me a few SB profile numbers off line to help you pick out specific zeroing in on items. Once you get the hang of it this technique will fill your in box! You are too sweet not to have these SBs returning your initial email :) ~OC

  231. Bela says:

    BBFU – Very good way of going through the process. I hope at least some of the brand new SB’s out there are reading it, because it should answer a lot of questions regarding ideas of what to “expect” and what genuine pot SD’s should expect of them. I know that everyone is different, leaving some details to be modified, but the outline of it is good!

  232. Third World SB says:

    I would actually like to hear you expand upon what typically happens after the first meeting goes well. You mean to say that you’re typically intimate on the first or second date with a young woman you’ve just met, without providing an allowance? Have you somehow made payments on her debt or arranged any other sort of benefits for her at that point, or is she intimate with you purely on your word that you plan to help her?

    I want this idea to make sense because it sounds like it would work well for some of us. But I can’t imagine that intimacy on the first or second date is seriously based on TRUST rather than the hope that you will be true to your word.

    I am very familiar with how a SD can build enough trust to get me to meet him, which sounds pretty similar to what you’ve described. Every SD I’ve ever met I have gone through those steps with. It’s the transition from the successful first meet to the arrangement I am curious about. For me this has always involved the negotiation of an allowance. The amount of trust I have for a SD is at that point enough that I feel comfortable spending time with him and being alone together, and physically comfortable being intimate with him. But I can’t imagine, by the first or second date, trusting any man enough that I could believe him at his word if he promised to help make major changes in my life.

    I guess I want a reason to believe that the SB’s you’ve found weren’t just naive SB’s who got lucky enough to find the real deal when you could just as easily have been a con artist. I want to know how to identify the difference in approach between someone genuine like you and a con artist looking to collect as many SB’s as possible without actually contributing anything.

    We’ve all read those posts written by fake SD’s who brag about how many stupid girls they can get to sleep with them just by picking up the dinner tab and promising the world…

  233. Lily says:

    Third World – Yes! I also want to hear BBFU’s answers to your questions.

  234. SD Dude says:

    OC – it’s so not a form letter, but I definitely see your point and I have tried that too with equally middling success.

    Capri – Good tip, i was trying to convey that I’m not gonna make false promises. I’ll try to focus more on what I can provide?

    How does the blog feel about a follow up email? A hey i know you read my email last week but i’m sure you’re getting a lot of them just wanted to say hey again kinda thing?

  235. Bela says:

    whoa! Where did that come from??

  236. Bela says:

    Sorry, SD Dude, that was not directed at you. Was just put a bit off track from the previous comment. Follow up emails may be seen as a little too much. If you see the person has read your email but not replied, it may mean they’re not interested. Not saying that it’s polite, but sending another email might just be a waste of your time.

  237. SD Dude says:

    Bela – I knew it wasn’t lol Thanks though.

  238. Bela says:

    SFCB – Babygirl, it’s not a personal attack against you. It just means that whatever you wrote got flagged and it just needs to be proofed. Happens to all of us :)

  239. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Dude, your letter concentrates on what you want and what you aren’t going to do; it says nothing about what you have to offer to a lady. I can definitely see why they don’t bother replying.
    You should either scale back your demands, or have something to offer in return.

  240. SD Dude says:

    DW – uhh scale back my demands? Did I make any demands? And I only write to those who share my “range” so I think they should know what I’m offering arrangement wise and I’m trying to start a conversation so that we can feel each other out. What type of email to you prefer to receive as a first shot?

  241. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    DW I agree, I am not sure what works with the under 25 SB crowd. Is it being brutally honest with stating his allowance range based upon expectations of XYZ? Not what I would expect to typically see in a first email but maybe that is appealing to that demographic. One thing for certain is that if I haven’t responded within 3 days (but read your email ) I am not interested. With that said, I do answer 75% back with a polite “No thank you but thank you” response. Don’t send a second unless you really feel the sugar with a specific profile.

  242. Moon Patrol says:

    @Enigma SD That’s a shock to find out your SB was married. I wouldn’t be so frightened by a 5 year old child since at that age they respond to language. Its the real babies that cry all the time that are a problem to me.
    Cleo – This guy I knew had a puzzle all one color. That is going too far for me. I thought he was crazy or trying to make himself that way.

  243. Lily says:

    Speaking of board games, I just had a blast with scrabble this week.

  244. Bela says:

    I had one SD attempt to teach me chess. That was way too much fun!

  245. Lily says:

    I would love chess to be part of an arrangement. I am such a chessaholic.

  246. NYC SB says:

    SD Dude – I think you emailed me! Lol I didn’t reply because of the “I won’t blow smoke up your ass” comment… I associated that with a cheap man and a crude one as well… You should leave it off your email or just state that you won’t make promises you cannot fulfill

    DW – wow I had no idea you are 33 I always pictured you as early 20s

  247. Yaz says:

    Capricious~ Nice to see you back! :)

  248. cleo says:

    BBFU: i can’t imagine signing loan papers with a man i barely know. i just can’t imagine putting that much of a leash on myself and frankly i’ll stick with the 10.9% interest on my credit card. that said, i just haven’t managed to pay off a major equipment purchase for my business (and a 2500 deposit i will get back when the workshop actually runs) but i actually live within my means so it’s a bit different for me maybe? i understand what you’re saying about the traditional allowance and I know that I myself would love it if an SD wanted to help me see the world and learn new things and expand my horizons.

    that said, i have a small business and i’m struggling because my small business has to support me while i try to grow it. for me an allowance (even a small one) would alleviate a huge burden and free me to actually go and travel with an SD or to take a weekend off just because or to not stress about the rent or (best) pay off that damn equipment purchase and save some money.

    ultimately sugar dating is about the experiences as much as anything, but for me i would love an allowance because it would allow me to take the proverbial edge off. would i enjoy gifts and experience? oh my god yes. oh my god yes. oh my god yes! that said, all the ‘eat pray love’ tripping in the world won’t feed my cats, build my business or pay my rent.

    i might be different because i have a calling and i’m not “between jobs” or whatever…

    all of that said, how will the ladies who are off on solo trips (so awesome) pay their loans back without income?
    .
    lily: backgammon? billiards? horse races? lol
    .
    enigma: wow, that’s hilarious and kinda sad. if she had been honest in the first place you might be more amenable now
    .
    capricious: welcome back babe, we have a date to make for a show :)

  249. Lily says:

    I agree with others about the SDs who write to you and right away say something regarding not being ‘a billionaire,’ and not being the kind of guy to do extravagant things for you. They normally are not offering allowance, and are paving the way to later deliver that information. Best to follow up what SD Dude says about not buying girls cars with what he *is* offering, even in vague terms like, “But I do have no problem with offering an allowance in the range of 2-4k per month (or 3-5k or whatever), and hope to find a lady for a lasting, long term arrangement.” (then a tangible carrot is being dangled, and, a second bonus! —that you aren’t the novelty-addict type, and could potentially be a consistent, longer term source of sugar for a lady who might value that).
    Then, if a lady finds your profile interesting and understands what perks *are* involved in dating you, (rather than only focusing on the perks that are not involved) she’ll write back.

  250. cleo says:

    okay people are responding to comments i don’t see… feel free to enlighten me in email someone?

  251. SD Dude says:

    NYC SB – lol I don’t think it was you. Unless you aren’t in NYC? This woman was definitely based elsewhere. OK maybe a little crude, but nobody on here should be anywhere close to that sensitive. eharmony this ain’t. lol

  252. Yaz says:

    Some SDs will tell you they are not “billionaires” and can only provide so and so just to see your reaction. Know what you want and do not settle for less BUT do not immediately dismiss the ones who “sound” cheap and fake. They might only be doing that to chase the gold diggers away..Some SDs play a lot of games on this site…
    It is not EHarmony but it is also not RentanATM.com…lol

  253. Bela says:

    Sometimes, it’s not so much about sensitivity (although we like that on occasion) but respect. Many women want a gentleman who will treat them with respect and since you’re approaching a stranger, you tend to tread lightly.

  254. cleo says:

    bela: for sure, there’s a difference between a lustful glance and a lewd one. you can tell which it is by whether or not you need a shower after!

  255. Bela says:

    Cleo – lol yes that is very true.

  256. SD Dude says:

    as for not being a billionaire, well i’m not. lol it’s just a fact. But I know that I’m more generous than some of these super rich guys on here. It’s funny you know because I’ve read all these posts about these SD’s promising the world and not delivering. I’m not gonna promise big impossible things. I’ve disclosed a $ range, I look within my range. No surprises from this guy. I guess I’ve always thought that since we all set these ranges in our profiles that it’s pretty much already out there about what I’m offering and what she is expecting.

    I’ll gladly wax poetic about what an amazing guy I am – ohh cause I am ;) – lol but isn’t that more an IRL dating more than here? To me, you’re striking a balance between the financial side and the this person is amazing side. I would expect that some woman who would not respond to me on eHarmony – cough too short cough – could be perfect here, where the height of our potential offspring won’t strike panic into a young woman’s heart.

  257. SD Guru says:

    There were some interesting topics I’d like to get to but got side tracked by all the drama. Hopefully that’s over and done with for now.

    Re: Duration and frequency of meetings in a sugar relationship.

    I agree how often you meet and how much time you spend together are factors to consider in addition to how long the relationship lasts. However, some personality characteristics can only reveal themselves over time, no matter how often or how much time you spend together.

    @NYC SB

    I wouldn’t consider Paris SD a failure, there is something to be said for lasting 8 months even though he doesn’t see you as often as you’d like. Similarly, if an arrangement lasted only 3 months but changed your life then obviously that’s not a failure either. But I think you’d agree that’s an exceptional case rather than the norm.

    @Michael
    Here is the core of what I have learned – a person’s life and behavior at any given moment is (generally) the way their life and behaviour has been and (most likely) will be…

    Your learning is similar to my golden rules I’ve often repeated in the past:

    1. Don’t reward bad behavior
    2. Don’t ignore warning signs
    3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

    @Lily
    Do you guys have a hobby you participate in with your sugars?

    I know a spa where you can work with a masseuse to learn how give each other sensual massages. And a cooking school where you can learn how to make decadent desserts as aphrodisiacs!! As Enigma SD said, shared experiences can greatly enhance the chemistry in the bedroom. :)

    @TLG

    I’d like to read more of your “once upon a time…” stories!!

    @BBFU

    Welcome back and thanks for sharing your story! I’d say your experience are not unusual or strange, but rather unique based on your situation and preferences. You have enhanced several SB’s life for the better in your own ways, so consider it mission accomplished!

    @Enigma SD
    We had a few dates and were getting along well, but she would never go out with me in the evenings.

    That’s usually a dead giveaway that she’s most likely married or attached regardless of what she said. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. What were the other dramatic events?

    @SD Dude

    If you choose to target the under 25 age group, then you shouldn’t be surprised by the flaky flighty nature of most women in that age group. There are exceptions of course (and my apologies to them), but in general they are as unpredictable and as unreliable as they come. Your form email is too long. Most women that age don’t have the attention span to read it all, and most of what’s in your email should already be in your profile. I’d suggest that you make it short and to the point, and see if that produces a different result. You could probably use a day at the SD Boot Camp! Remember, this is SA, not match.com. :)

  258. NYC SB says:

    It may not be eharmony but we can chose who we reply or not reply to… I got an email with a similar verbiage (maybe you young sds have a code) and that was a reason why I didn’t reply to
    him…I guess a bit of finesse will go a long way is what I was getting at. You are not a billionaire and you own up to it but in a manner that most will find a turn off… We get daily emails from men saying how they don’t think an allowance is appropriate or offers of pay per play … Then we get something from you and we write you off as either a faker or a crude… Either way you don’t get a response

  259. Bela says:

    It’s almost the same if I send an email to a guy saying, “I’m not gorgeous, but I do the best with what I have.”

  260. Carebear says:

    Sd dude- you seem bitter already before the ‘journey’ has even started. Honesty is always the best policy, but I believe most would turn away from a “here’s what you’re gonna get” kind of email. Personally I wouldn’t, nor do I respond to copy-and-paste emails. You wouldn’t approach a woman in public that way. Maybe Lighten up a bit like everyone here is suggesting. You did ask for the blog’s advice, take it or leave it.

  261. Bela says:

    The honesty is refreshing. Men and women can sometimes bend, stretch and break the truth to get what they want,

  262. SD Dude says:

    I am honestly losing my mind with boredom, talk about a hurry up and wait kinda day – hence the blog addiction.

    NYC SB – I understand and frankly haven’t thought about it like that. I must be naive, cause I assume that if you’re on here actively checking in and reading emails it means you are serious about an arrangement. I’ve never occurred to me that my comments – meant to be casual, informative, and endearing – could be taken as anything but. I will not say anything like that anymore.

    SD Guru – 4 short paragraphs! Please tell me that doesn’t qualify as too long. I know that we all tweet and text or whatever, but damn.

    Honestly though, I do not have a form letter. Really sometimes I may only say a sentence or two. This particular profile suggested she was tired with winks and quick hit emails. It all depends on what I’m thinking that day. I’m always respectful – or at least i thought i was – but the words and message change all the time.

  263. SD Dude says:

    CB – I’ll take the advice for sure, and sorry if I sound bitter I’m really not. Just putting myself out there to try and make this a better experience for me and my potential sb. No worries, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want the advice and what i’m doing clearly isn’t working.

    LOL i thought when I sent that email is was great. but now, errr not so much.

  264. Jessie says:

    @SD Dude – “I guess I’ve always thought that since we all set these ranges in our profiles that it’s pretty much already out there about what I’m offering and what she is expecting”. This would normally be true, but since you also said, “My profile is sparse and hidden actually, I’m kinda a privacy guy not really looking to just be out there for the world to see.” It means then that anyone who gets your email has only what is said in that letter to form an opinion. This has been said already, but I’ll repeat it nevertheless, you do come across as crude. Even though a sb is young (age wise), she’s still looking for a gentleman. I would definitely shorten the letter as well.

  265. SD Dude says:

    Jessie: I know that when I email someone it links to my profile, I give them access to the private pics too, where all of my arrangement info is. A hidden profile only means that if you are searching for someone near you, my profile won’t be on the list. But once I email you, you can view me favorite me etc…

    You’re right, as is everyone, re: crudeness. Won’t happen again. But I still refuse to believe it’s too long.

    To all: what exactly is the point of favoring someone? I was favored after sending an email once, then never heard from her again.

  266. SD Dude says:

    lol favorite not favor. Is favororiting a word? can that noun be a verb too? yes lol that bored sitting in this conference room. Shuttle diplomacy takes forever. lol

  267. cleo says:

    sd dude: it’s too long *grin* – two paragraphs seems about the best and not long ones. you comment about not being a billionaire could be added word for word to your profile and removed from your email right?

    as for favoriting it’s been supplanted by winks i think…

  268. Jessie says:

    @ SD Dude – Cool that you also send your pic immediately. You shd take OC up on her offer. I agree with her, you do sound “sweet,” which is a plus in the sugar world :)

  269. NYC SB says:

    Crap… Sorry guru! I need to get back to you… So behind on life right now…

    Sd dude – you are new and still learning… One would think if you are active on the site you are serious about an arrangement but many sd and sb alike are just testing the waters

  270. SD Dude says:

    Jessie: Thanks for that :). And I emailed her earlier today.

    Cleo: winks kinds seem dumb too though. Umm why wouldn’t i just right you a novel or treatise rather than just winking?

  271. Bela says:

    I second that

  272. SD Dude says:

    kinda* write* wow easy guy

  273. cleo says:

    sd dude: no i mean for the ladies. i use winks all the time, still allows men to “make the first move” so to speak :)

    as for the treatise, most of the time online, be it “real” dating or sugar dating the men who write a novel as a greeting want to spend weeks and years communicating via email… i actually find in a lot of ways that a short and clear message with hooks for questions and comments is far more likely to get my attention than a long letter. i have ‘time’ for a quick repartee you know? there’s not so much of a commitment for me to answer it…

  274. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Well if we stop talking about the past drama it might actually stay in the past!

    @SD Dude you are doing just fine :) I know I hooked you up via email with a more senior SD last month and I hope you are using him as a mentor.
    As for some perky paragraphs I will send you a few later tonight. I think we all come to the sugar bowl with a little relationship baggage. Yours isn’t any worse than mine. ~OC

  275. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Jessie- saw you post and asked someone to give you my e-mail.

    Hi all! I aced my interview and will know in a few weeks if I made the short list…this WILL happen!!! I’m travelling all week and meeting sugarlicious peeps! Play nice and see you soon!

  276. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Dude, demands is the wrong word, sorry. How about the expectations coming across in the email. The tone of the email strikes me as a pressure sale. There’s a bit of a dichotomy between “here’s what my personality is like” and “you are beautiful, I don’t mind traveling to your place (to hang out), I am looking for “fun”. ”
    Just because you are contacting those “within your range” doesn’t mean that you are viewed as able or willing to meet their range.
    If you are interested in feeling each other out, maybe you could ask specific questions to show interest, and save the logistics discussion for when the question arises. I mean you wouldn’t come up to a woman at a bar and say “hi, my name is SD Dude, I like Arts and sports, your place or mine?” . (or at least I hope you wouldn’t)

  277. Dandelion Wine says:

    NYC SB
    January 18, 2011 at 10:08 am
    SD Dude – I think you emailed me! Lol I didn’t reply because of the “I won’t blow smoke up your ass” comment… I associated that with a cheap man and a crude one as well… You should leave it off your email or just state that you won’t make promises you cannot fulfill

    DW – wow I had no idea you are 33 I always pictured you as early 20s
    ———-
    NYC SB, 33? Where did that come from? (is it because I know how to knit?) I still have a way to go until 30′s.

  278. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Thank goodness someone else posted! I thought I broke the blog :)

  279. NYC SB says:

    Dw – thought it was in one of your posts … Might have been someone else or I misread

  280. Dandelion Wine says:

    NYC, ah haha found that post. It’s a quote from one of the links I was giving Cleo.

  281. NYC SB says:

    Dw you posted an example of a google search… Haha my bad

  282. Kindred Spirit says:

    A loan, no matter how “soft”, would seem kind of weird to me and I’d feel uncomfortable. If I am getting a little allowance I’d put that towards paying off my credit card. A loan from a SD is a new concept to me and I had to wrap my mind around that for a second. *Tilts head to the side, perplexed* O_o But again, to each their own, right? :)

    @Third World SB~ yep, that’s exactly why I mentioned that book, The Ethical Slut, as even its very title is controversial. *smile* Looking forward to reading the “Jealousy” chapter, probably is quite fascinating with how it is dealt.

    About long first emails…hm guess I’m the odd duck out (totally ok, though, ha ha), because I LOVE long, interesting letters. True, NOT “form” letters, and while I have yet to receive a long-winded, interested email, it would be fine and welcome by me. No surprise why, as I enjoy writing, myself, and before I know it find myself some paragraphs into commenting on a potential SD’s profile…and so far I’ve been getting some responses…so cool. My best wishes to all! :D

  283. Dandelion Wine says:

    That ice cream at the top is making me crave some really badly!

  284. Kindred Spirit says:

    DW- I was just thinking the same thing (ice cream yes please!)

  285. SouthernGent2 says:

    SD Dude – I think that is a very good approach. From responses you get, you will be able to determine right away if the potential sb read your message. And you can weed out the selfish ones right away as well.

  286. @DW – happy 33rd birthday! (looking around for Carebear to chime in).

  287. new sb says:

    hi!!! how are you all?
    I’m a new sb and i will meet my first possible SD soon, he is coming to my city and he asked me if I wanted something from his city, what should I do? ask him for something or tell him to choose something… any other advise is also welcome :)

  288. NYGent says:

    just re-entered the site after a long hiatus. SO many escorts/pros on the site among the SBs; add in the mere curiosity seekers who aren’t serious about this, the scammer/grifters, and the entitlement divas with fairy-tale, unrealistic stars and dollar signs in their eyes (“more than $20K monthly allowance plus unlimited Louboutins plus a car, condo, etc.”), and you’re looking at a pool of about 20% potentials. Then again I’m sure the SBs say the same thing about the SD pool, probably justifiably so . . .

    best to all the old blog friends . . .

  289. SouthernGent2 says:

    New SB – allow him to choose something since it is a first meeting.

  290. cleo says:

    ny gent YAY welcome back :)
    .
    moon patrol: i can’t remember if i answered you but i totally love puzzles with some all one colour but not the whole thing, it’s too frustrating. well, unless the shapes are pretty discernible, that’s fun too.

  291. Kindred Spirit says:

    Welcome new sb! I’m brand new, too, and happy to “meet” y’all! Cheers to good times, one and all! *clink of champagne glasses* :D *starts dishing out the ice cream*

  292. Carebear says:

    Sorry michael, am angry birding.

    Which is also my excuse for not emailing anyone back btw. Sorry y’all.

  293. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, you are a horrible person! Lol

  294. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    I will never EVER understand the line “My last SB was a former model” ahh err why would that be relevant information to share with me?

  295. cleo says:

    OCSB i think you’re supposed to be grateful he’s paying attention to you since, like, models are sooo superior. *grin*

  296. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Hi Cleo! Not sure why, but I do know that talking about your past sugar relationships can be tricky. You want to share info but TMI is just that way too much information! But the Model line keeps popping up so I had to throw it out there to see if anyone had insight as to why. It doesn’t offend me it is just that I am not sure what the relevance is. I wonder what the former model would say if she was told by a pot that my last SB had her graduate degree. Don’t know. I am sure there are plenty of former models that have that too. I am never sure if I am to respond to that comment or just nod and smile. Just don’t know…

  297. cleo says:

    hi ocsb!

    whenever people have said that sort of thing to me they’ve always been trying to impress me. either “i only date models” or “my last girlfriend was a model” and i kind of look at them like “so?”

    perhaps they are trying to convince you that it’s only your looks that appeal to them?

  298. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Cleo I hate to write someone off just because of that so, we shall see :) YOU totally have the model thing working for you. I am only 5’6!

    Hey SD Dude I had a brainstorm and emailed you my mission should you accept it!

  299. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Does having a model ex- sb mean he can attract modelesque women so you should be so lucky?? If so, why is she an ex. I agree that past arrangements are just that. After all, no two arrangements are alike…why repeat the same mistake twice :). Besides…being a”model” has vasttly different definitions depending on the industry.

    Cap- so nice to seeyou again!

    Enigma- only confirms 1) trust your instincts and 2) there is a reason it ended. You deserve beter.

    NY Gent – our knights are ever the optimists…you will find the right lady! Screening assistance offer still stands! Any rcommendations for shows?

    Lily – indoor skydiving, ziplining, poker, and hopes for scuba acompanied by great conversation, lustful reunions and a genuine enjoyment of each other’s company.

    SD Dude – I have some thoughts, but you specifically asked the younger ladies…let me know if you would like to hear them.

    BFBU – you are such a gent and quite generous…i hope you are meeting ladies who appreciate these qualities. Giving in a way that truly impacts a life ( here or a charity) is so very rewarding. May some appreciative lady someday show you how wonderful it is to receive…sugar is sweet for all.

    Cali SB – Hey!! Welcome back!

  300. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    @SDGuru & RTBSB – Thanks for your kind words. But please realize that I’m no saint (as discussed long ago on this blog). In my odyssey, I am guessing that there are many ladies who feel that I am a jerk, someone who breaks their promises, etc. It sort of comes with the territory. You can’t try to help nor trust people without having some end up angry or even hating you for it. Humans are just to diverse and imperfect. So either one stops trying or you soldier on. Why soldier on? My thoughts on that are at the very end of this post ;-)

    @Bela – Thanks also to you! I did not intend for any of my experiences to be a guide. But if it helps others, so much the better!

    @Cleo & KSpirit – Regarding soft beneficial loans, you are not alone. Indeed in my experience, most would turn down a soft, no interest loan vs. the standard high interest credit card debt. That’s quite a statement because in truth, the Credit Cards are large organizations with systematic methods to pressure and profit from borrowers. Once payments are behind, standard procedure is to charge penalties which boost interest rates and fees (thus making your debt even higher), next your credit score will mysteriously drop which triggers problems with other lenders, special contractors are then hired to harass you with mailings and calls you even at your workplace. If you try to negotiate lower payments, most are passed from person to person because you are just one of thousands trying to reduce the amount owed. And finally if it is deemed that you are worth more “dead than alive”, you will be bankrupted.

    A no interest soft loan from an individual? No one is making money by keeping you in debt. If payments are tough, there is a single decision maker to explain the situation to. What can he do if payments stop? In practice very little that would be worth the legal expense. Pursuing someone for a debt is almost impossible if you are in a different state or country from him.

    But yet most will still trust the Credit Card company more. Perhaps it shows the deeper issue is not debt, but rather the understanding of typical credit card / personal debt and the consequences of getting in it. It also shows how difficult it is for many to trust (i.e. not be afraid of) a “stranger” vs. an impersonal but well known company with a history of hurting some of those it deals with. Strange, huh? But that’s basic human nature. Fear of the unknown.

    @Lily & ThirdW (I’ll try to keep this as short as I can)

    *** I would actually like to hear you expand upon what typically happens after the first meeting goes well. You mean to say that you’re typically intimate on the first or second date with a young woman you’ve just met, without providing an allowance?

    +++ Young? The median SB age of the SBs concerned is around 35-40 (see age breakdown above). Maybe maturity helps? The ladies know themselves better and probably have less fear of the “path less traveled”?

    *** Have you somehow made payments on her debt or arranged any other sort of benefits for her at that point, or is she intimate with you purely on your word that you plan to help her?

    +++ Neither, I think. In a few cases I gave some immediate help at the first meeting. ‘They were “emergencies” where it was only the decent thing to do: one SB had a cracked tooth so off to the dentist; another one was traveling and didn’t even have a good winter coat so we went to a nearby, but upmarket thrift shop to get her some winter wear; once it was too late and unsafe for the SB to drive back so I got her a modest hotel room (I was a bit surprised when she pulled me into it). I did not give any promises at the first meeting. Although it is certainly possible that when I started offering advice, it was interpreted by the SB as promises. Remember 2 of 7 crashed soon after the first meeting?

    *** I can’t imagine that intimacy on the first or second date is seriously based on TRUST rather than the hope that you will be true to your word.

    +++ Can’t comment on that because I never asked for sex in my email, nor during the calls, nor during meetings. I certainly didn’t offer any quid pro quo’s (sex in exchange for whatever). For me, sex / making love is a near art form. To make it an exchange of some sort would debase its unique expressive power. So on the SBs side, everything was voluntary.

    On reflection, perhaps these things were important:

    a) In my profile I was quite explicit that SBs who did not share my high regard for the beauty of exploring lovemaking were unlikely to jell with me. I just feel that for something so important, it makes little sense to hide one’s views because of “propriety”. Its just basic honesty with one’s self which helps save effort and misunderstandings. An SB who is reading this post on the forum now has seen both my profile when it was active as well as my mini-bio (hi, homie!) and she is free to verify this if she chooses. Another forum SB just saw my profile yesterday (thanks for the wink, but since my SA subscription expired, I can’t reply :-( , we must figure out another off-forum communication channel?). So perhaps this straightforwardness helped address the sex/lovemaking issue from the start allowing us to concentrate on the important issues?

    b) Most ladies (whether consciously or not) make an instinctive decision when meeting a new man: yes, maybe OR no way. If it’s “no way”, it takes a near impossible, Herculean effort by a man to change. By the first meeting, an SB has already Yes-ed at the 1st email/text info stage, and the 2nd voice hearing stage. So she already should be much deeper into the process than being introduced to the stranger by a friend or bumping into a hottie in a bar. I am guessing, but withing seconds of seeing, touching, and yes, smelling the pot SD (never underestimate the importance of scent to a lady’s subconscious Yes/No . . . one can’t fight basic biology and phermerones :-) ) the Yes/No is decision is made. Indeed, the ladies confidence factor is already higher than an annonymous first meeting because the SB already knows quite a bit and has formed an impression of the SD. A bit confirmation of her image of him during the meeting along with the special x-factor . . . no need to talk about sexual demands and bargains (though discussing erotic styles and exotic techniques always makes for interesting conversation . . .ever thought about how and where caviar can be used creatively? :-) ) and it seems the SBs confidence level can be pretty high. So perhaps it’s not an “arrangement” but rather something that an SB wants to do?

    *** It’s the transition from the successful first meet to the arrangement I am curious about. For me this has always involved the negotiation of an allowance. The amount of trust I have for a SD is at that point enough that I feel comfortable spending time with him and being alone together, and physically comfortable being intimate with him. But I can’t imagine, by the first or second date, trusting any man enough that I could believe him at his word if he promised to help make major changes in my life.

    +++ I dunno. I am actually very surprised myself. But for some reason, it seems to be awfully consistent. And it seems that when an SB decides, she has decided. It appeared that if nothing happened during meeting 1, it was because of a timing and place issue. A second meeting with adequate time and place would materialize in 1-2 days almost mysteriously. I get the feeling when reading the forum that this is something different from making an “arrangement” because nothing explicit nor regular like an allowance is even discussed. But something is there because nearly all the SBs want to continue on . . . as mentioned before, one even insisted on splitting costs and didn’t want/need help on any other part of her life?

    *** I guess I want a reason to believe that the SB’s you’ve found weren’t just naive SB’s who got lucky enough to find the real deal when you could just as easily have been a con artist. I want to know how to identify the difference in approach between someone genuine like you and a con artist looking to collect as many SB’s as possible without actually contributing anything.

    +++ I can’t help here because I really can’t guess at what is going through an SBs mind. Perhaps one day those who are interested can convince one or two of the SBs to post their experience with me on the forum? (or of course, the SA forum SBs could get together and nominate one of their own to meet me one day and report back, volunteers anyone? :-) – that was a joke, everyone!

    I know I promised to write down some words about personal philosophy here. But this post has taken so much time to write and both my fingers and rather small brain are exhausted. I don’t even have enough energy to edit what I typed! Mind if I end it now?

  301. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    Sorry, rereading my post and I realized that I didn’t answer the last part.

    I can’t really say how to tell a fraud SD because we SDs don’t get to see other SD profiles, and I have no idea of what email / telephone conversations / meetings with other SDs are like.

  302. cleo says:

    actually, my credit score is over 800 and i have no trouble making payments. what i don’t do is trust a stranger with my finances. eventually? if trust were established? sure. but then i would wonder why you were willing to send me off around the world on solo trips and buy me used coats and yet not help me pay my rent while i’m off on said trip. if that’s fear i guess i’m a fraidycat

    in effect i can go off on an eat pray love trip and come home to a decimated business and an apartment that’s been cleared of my belongings and somehow i’ll still owe you something? thank you but i’ll stay home and whittle away at my debt myself.

    that said, as i mentioned i do love the idea of experience and at least 75% of the reason i sugar date is for said experiences. but your kind of deal sounds wonderful only if i don’t already have a life.

    maybe it’s different for me because i’m turning forty rather than twenty but i am not seeing how what you offer would actually improve my life when you were finished with me. do you see what i mean?

    (please note, i’m debating hypotheticals, i hope this doesn’t seem like i’m attacking you)

  303. Cecile says:

    Hi blogfriends,
    It’s been a while! My internet’s been down at home, keeping me away lately.
    So glad it’s up and running again. My computer was starting to look like a magic wardrobe that wouldn’t connect to Narnia.

    @SD Dude: I’m a 21 year old SB, so I guess I fall into the category you’re asking feedback from.
    If I’m honest, I wouldn’t have responded to that example message. It’s not that it’s a BAD message, you do make an effort, and that’s endearing, but not endearing enough on its own for me to be motivated to write back. I personally only respond to a message when I’m interested in knowing more. Few men let it rest at “Thanks but no thanks”. I don’t want to have to explain to each individual why I’m not interested. Like NYC SB said “It may not be eharmony but we can chose who we reply or not reply to”.
    In the case of your message, there are a few reasons why I wouldn’t have responded.
    I’m picky about grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. I rarely respond to a message that I don’t consider well-written. Again, that’s a personal preference.
    I’m looking for someone older, wiser, and wealthier than myself. If I feel like I can spell better than he can, it’s a turn off. In the last few posts you’ve added to the blog you’ve written quite well. So maybe just take a few minutes to review your initial messages. Good grammar rarely turns anyone OFF, but it turns quite a few of us on!

    Aside from that you just sounded kind of flippant. Words like “stuff” “whatever” “kinda”, decrease the tone of your genuine interest. You’re probably trying to be non-nonchalant, but there are more subtle ways to go about that. I also reject any mail that includes the word “lol”. I’m horrible, right?
    Can’t help it, internet speak is a big thumbs down for me.

    And then, getting back down to a more normal level, I agree with the others about coming across a bit self-focused by stating who you were and what you weren’t willing to do. It’s just a bit aggressive, which is in no way something that’s going to make me feel like I should respond right away. Girls on this site want to be wooed, not warned.

  304. Capricious says:

    Thanks for the warm welcome ♥

    I do not understand the entire “model type” and “ex model” mindset of SDs. From stories from SDs (remember SAM and SincereSD?) both hated dating models because of certain attributes. But yet they continue to chase after them. Also, models tend to have a small boy-ish figure instead of a seductive Marilyn Monroe hour glass. Doesn’t a model’s boney’s hip hurt when it’s dug into yours??!! Is it a status symbol to be with models or am I missing something?

  305. Capricious says:

    i am not seeing how what you offer would actually improve my life when you were finished with me. do you see what i mean?

    Agree… Had my Eat Pray Love trip, even had a BMW… When he was done with me, I was left in the EXACT same situation I was in.

  306. Lily says:

    I’ve seen BBFU’s profile, and yup, he does discuss his beliefs of sex/lovemaking being an artform and that he’s seeking ladies of the same mindset!

    I’d be willing to meet him, since we’re already on the same continent, and then report back to the blog re: his MO on a date. ;)

  307. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Ahhh Welcome back Capricious Kitty! Some mornings it takes me a while to see thru the fog. Yes we all (those that knew him) miss Sam and his postings!

  308. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat & Ugly) says:

    @ Capricious & Cleo – For some reason both of you seem to applying what “gifts”were given to other SBs to yourselves and concluding that it’s not for you. That is quite correct because every SB is different and in a different situation. Indeed it would be surprising if what was done did fit other SBs in exactly for others. Perhaps my words would be more useful if less focus was put on the “gifts” given, and more about the process and motivations.

    @ Lily – thanks for the confirmation and for volunteering ;-) . Let me know if you ever happen by this neck of the woods.

    “hope this doesn’t seem like i’m attacking you” – well, I would be lying if I say it doesn’t at all.

    Looks like my promise is fulfilled, so its time to bid farewell! Adieu, all!

  309. Muse says:

    NYGent- Welcome back. I hope your search this time goes better….

    I had a pretty “amazing” series of emails from a winner the other day. The first was simply “hey” in the subject line, the second “hey” with “what’s up?” in the body and the third “hey” with “if your shy, get off the site!” all within 30 minutes. I know you’re wondering how I could resist that embodiment of charm and sophistication, but it was based on the profile, which showed an average-looking man, which I even out-earn, who must be ESL as surely the American educational system can’t be that bad, can it? No wonder he’s given up on match.com etc but why is he allowed on the sd sites? Seriously.

  310. cleo says:

    BBFU: okay, in that case, (again out of curiosity) after having read my posts in response to your gifting style, what sort of thing do you think would help/change my life in the way you’ve changed other ladies?

    i’m sorry that you feel attacked, i hope you know that your posts here are welcome and interesting; to me they are food for thought that provokes interesting debate, i am sorry that my debating style makes you feel unwelcome. it seems you are not the first to find my posts offensive this week no matter how i intend them.

    adieu i suppose but i hope it’s au revoir in truth

  311. cleo says:

    lily: i did think it was pretty impressive that he managed to discuss sex in his profile in a way that was NOT offensive. that’s new :)

  312. Sara says:

    Hey dolls, sorry I have been MIA lately – crazy busy week. I just wanted to pop in tell the ladies that loved L.A.M.B. shoes, that they are on sale at gilt group. If anyone needs an invite to the website, let me know.

  313. SD Dude says:

    Cecile: You are the grammar police!! I understand what you’re saying and agree to a certain degree. I’m ok with a little slang and “internet speak”. I’m not nearly as eloquent with the written word as Mark Twain over here, sometimes I use an “lol” or emoticon so the reader can see I’m being lighthearted even if the words I’ve chosen don’t convey it well. Subtlety and humor are very difficult to deliver on paper in my experience. I think using “internet speak” roadsigns, for lack of a better term, are both helpful and appropriate in this context, moderation being the key of course. (For instance, if you were wearing an incredibly sexy dress and asked me how you looked, I could be grinning ear to ear and say ‘omg you look terrible’, but you know that isn’t what I mean. If you sent a picture and I delivered the same response with an “lol” or “;-)” I’m conveying the same playful message, or at least trying to.) I write nearly everyday and consider myself pretty good at it. But alas there is always someone bigger, faster, stronger . . . lol And for the record, comma’s are my grammatical Achilles’ heel.

    That said, I think woman who can write are sexy in their own right. So if you wanna give me any more grammar lessons I’m more than willing to talk off blog about it. ;-)

    I really do appreciate all of the responses and I do intend making some changes but need to do so in a manner that still allows me to be me. I like my “voice” and don’t intend on losing it, just refining it with at few great suggestions.

  314. SD Dude says:

    a woman is or women* sorry Cecile :)

  315. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    SD Dude you are correct in saying that you need to be YOU :) We are not going to try to change who you are or ask that you send emails that are not true to your nature and if you were to meet someone they would see a totally different man. The point I am trying to make is that internet slang or speak just does not add credibility to the SD persona. Maybe I have a sugar coated view of how I want or have had in the past, a sugar to present themselves. Which is in manner that shows he is articulate, cultured and educated. Not saying that you are not any of these! But the slang is hindering you not helping you.

  316. cleo says:

    i don’t mind lol or :) but i really mind “u r hott”

    so for me it isn’t about adding a little fun but it is about using the whole word and so on you know?

  317. SD Dude says:

    Cleo – if I ever use “u r hott” please kill me. What is with that extra letter anyway? I can’t seem to get a real answer from anyone about it. It’s obviously slang but I don’t get it. lol Maybe I’m just too old for itt. Yep, too old.

  318. Sara says:

    @ SD Dude – CLEARLY the extra letter is to emphasize the level of hotness involved. I assume there is some formula or theorem that determines what capacity it may be used in.

  319. cleo says:

    SD Dude: i think it’s from paris hilton or something, but it is only the very slightest of improvements over hawt!

    lol

  320. Sara says:

    @ Cleo- I think you are so right….like the extra “t” represents the droopy eyelash thing she does whenever she talks……

  321. cleo says:

    sara: ah so by that token nyc sb would be hotttttt ? lol

  322. Sara says:

    @ Cleo – I would have to check the formula, I have never been good with math, but yes I think you are correct.

  323. SD Dude says:

    Hott formula = (Subjective Hotness on scale of 1-10) + (Number of droopy eyelashes)/3 = # of t’s (rounded up)

    Thus an “8″ with one droopy is described as “hottt”

  324. Sara says:

    @ SD DUDE – glad one of us is good at math haha

  325. Anna Molly says:

    Good afternoon! What did I miss? :D

  326. msdiiva says:

    Good afternoon Everyone!
    Not logging in for a few days make me miss a lot from the blog.
    I wish we also had a chatroom, that would be a great add on for people to meet and talk

  327. Bela says:

    LOL Loving the blog today. I’ve been hit with the “Ex-model” line as well. Although it goes against my “keep it classy” rule, I’d LOVE to one day get the moxie to reply, “my last SD had a phenomenal penis.” And just see what they say.

    Muse – I, too, have gotten the one word messages. I appreciate the effort to contact me, but a couple of words is almost as big a turn off as bad grammar.

  328. Bela says:

    mmmmmmmmmmmm ice cream (Homer Simpson drool)

  329. Lily says:

    Bela – *ROFLMAO* — I love the penis rebuttal. I also hear a lot of SDs talking about having arrangements with models, and I thought it was just me! I have always interpreted that comment as, “Yes, you’re very lovely but don’t think for a second that that equates to you commanding a large allowance because I am used to dating extremely beautiful women so I am un-phased by your looks and you won’t have any leverage with me on account of them.”

  330. cleo says:

    lily: exactly how i read it, especially when it’s a “regular date” type trying to hit on me.

    occasionally i think they’re telling me they think i’m a model, but that’s rare!

  331. Arcadia SB says:

    I feel like any one of us could be models. I’d just say “oh really? you got another one” I used to model for years….doesn’t my dad posing us in front of goofy at disney world count? That’s modeling to me :)

  332. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Hii sugars! Gave in to the ice cream…Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chunk mint…Mmmmmmm!
    Off to Sin City! I’m enjpying the role of the lurker.

    BFBU- viewpoints do vary widely…its a blessing, but definitely challenges our patience. I hope ypou will return w more observations and good news!

    Bela- that’s so worth summoning a little moxie!

  333. UKSD says:

    waow..the blog is busy today…full of exmodels…you are all hottt!!

    lol

  334. CultureDaddy says:

    Hooray! The blog is fun again!

    It is so great to see SD Dude asking for, and getting, great advice – with pearls of wisdom scattered throughout so that we can all benefit.

    As for ex-models, I would only say “Photoshop”. Most successful models are so because of their personality and their editing software (ducks behind parapet to avoid shrapnel). For me (in my extremely limited experience of models) the personality is sexy – and is determined by what is between the ears.

    @Lily: my response to your question about things to do with your SB would be: theatre/broadway/opera/concerts/museums – whoops, ran out of time…. There is so much to see and hear and so little time!

  335. Anna Molly says:

    I really need to catch up on the blog! I miss ALL the fun :(

  336. Anna Molly says:

    Welcome back NYGent! Good luck!

  337. cleo says:

    Culture DAddy those are my kinds of events (just add in the occasional hockey game! lol)
    .
    anna molly: the usual, i’m driving people away, drama drama drama, lost souls revisiting us (hi nygent!) and much silly banter

    how are you?

  338. Anna Molly says:

    Sorry Enigma :(

    SD Dude ~ Good luck with your search :D

    Happy B-Day DW…hope I’m not late with the B-Day wishes!

    RTB ~ Good luck in Sin City my dear, Naughty wishes she could have gone with you ;)

  339. The Lone Gunman says:

    The subject is hotels.

    Have you ever stayed at a hotel that, despite it’s reputation, turned out in your opinion to NOT be the opulent palace that everyone claims it is? That the reality does not meet with the reputation?

    What was it about the place that killed it for you?

    TLG

  340. cleo says:

    TLG: the waldorf in NYC – the pillows weren’t comfortable and despite being on a high floor all we could hear all day and all night was construction. somehow i expected better soundproofing in a place of such sterling reputation…

    lack of sleep, amazing cure for a five star reputation! lol

  341. Anna Molly says:

    Hey Cleo!

    I had chicken soup for dinner and now I’m in bed reading the blog and watching the History channel…I’m such a nerd..lol

    Where is everyone?

    Wo bist du Arctic?

  342. cleo says:

    anna molly: i just finished a REALLY long day that was kind of broken up. good one though, first session with a new client who cheerfully paid and rebooked and might prove to be a source of referrals AND some great sessions with tough clients. plus i did all sorts of administrivia and some promotion of a workshop i’m hosting and the like.

    so rewarding but long and tiring :)

    now i’m going to either watch tv or read a book and maybe, maybe eat dinner (lunch was at three) – no history channel for me, i cut my cable so whatever i watch has to be on my drive already! *grin*

  343. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Dandelion Wine are you in a sugar induced coma from all your birthday cake and ice cream! ;)

  344. Anna Molly says:

    TLG ~ Fairmont The Queen Elizabeth in Montreal. The room was small and dirty.

  345. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Dude
    January 19, 2011 at 10:27 am
    Hott formula = (Subjective Hotness on scale of 1-10) + (Number of droopy eyelashes)/3 = # of t’s (rounded up)

    Thus an “8″ with one droopy is described as “hottt”
    ———
    You forgot a set of parentheses: ((Subjective Hotness on scale of 1-10) + (Number of droopy eyelashes))/3 = # of t’s (rounded up)

  346. Dandelion Wine says:

    Culture daddy, most successful models are so because
    A) tall, b)thin, c) symmetric bone structure, d) good skin/hair, e) very photogenic or very good on runway.

    Your experience with models had indeed been limited.

  347. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Haha DW is back and not in sugar shock! We needed you to explain the Hott formula to us earlier :) Still don’t understand the need to use it in a first email response

  348. ARCTIC SD says:

    Anna M – versteckt in einem warmen staufach!! Lassen sie mich wissen, wenn der boden nicht gefroren ist…..:):)

  349. Dandelion Wine says:

    OCSB, lol no! I am still exhausted from trying to blow out all those candles! Lol

  350. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    All 44 of them! bawhaaa ;) Just kidding!

  351. Dandelion Wine says:

    OCSB, I would imagine it is used to soften the shock from being hit with a very direct proposal! A virtual stun gun of sorts

  352. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Im too lazy to bablefish who knows German???

  353. Dandelion Wine says:

    OCSB, I’m no mathematician, but I think there were more than that. I came up for air, but the torch of candles burned up all the oxygen in the immediate vicinity, and so I briefly passed out with my hair in the candles, and now you couldn’t tell BBFU and me apart even if you tried!

  354. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    DW I just laughed so hard I think I actually snorted… hahaha!
    Not a good visual there comparing you to BBFU :)

  355. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    What’s even funnier is I think someone called him BFBU today and I had to stop and think of what it was! ;)

  356. Dandelion Wine says:

    OCSB, true story. I even occasionally rescue people :)

  357. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Thank you for making me laugh tonight… totally needed that :)

  358. Anna Molly says:

    Es ist immer schön und warm, wenn ich um bin ;)

  359. Dandelion Wine says:

    Ja ja, das ist fantastisch. Scheisse!

  360. Arcadia SB says:

    OK, Random question for the ever knowledgeable blog.
    My perception is that in the US most people generally get married on a weekend. Most weddings I’ve been to have been on Saturdays, a few on Sundays.
    Abroad (especially in Europe and the UK), is this not the norm? I ask because I’m beginning to plan things for a friends’ wedding in September abroad and it falls on a Thursday. I’m beginning to think I heard the date wrong…but it made me curious about other cultures, even ones so similar to the US in other ways.
    Going to miss a few days of class if I get into one of my graduate programs in the fall, but a dear friend’s wedding is totally worth it.

  361. Autumn says:

    Hey experienced sugarbabies, I need some advice!
    Since I’ve made arrangements with men regarding the monthly allowance, how
    do I go about collecting this money? Is it always done in cash? And what about when
    the SD is overseas.
    Please help!

  362. Lily says:

    Paypal is nice! E-transfers are also nice, in my experience.

  363. NYC SB says:

    What is a droopy eyelash? Since I have them apparently :p

  364. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone! :D

  365. Gail says:

    Good Morning AM : ) I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!

  366. RedMaru says:

    Good morning sugar fam! Decided to sneak a chime while at work. The last remnants of Atlanta Winter Storm of 2011(yeah its got a title) are slowly melting though its still a bit chilly

  367. Gail says:

    Hiya Red Maru : ) Snow….I don’t know what that is in Calif…lol…..it’s getting warmer here.
    I am off to work…wishing you, everyone, and especially Lisa a wonderful day. Today is the official day I start planning my V-day sugar surpirses.

  368. RedMaru says:

    Hey Gail. Believe me its usually a foreign concept here. Thats why the storm got a title. Atlanta was literally shut down for four days and the schools were closed the whole week. I wish I was where you’re at…I need some warmth. ANywhoo have a good day at work

  369. cleo says:

    lily: it’s funny, i think some banks in the states aren’t doing that yet. here a lot of my clients pay me via email which is AWESOME. costs them like using the debit machine but i get it in my account instead of having to go deposit it.

    is that what you mean by e-transfer?

  370. Enigma SD says:

    Anyone else experience this with paypal? My SB setup an account and I made a deposit, but they will only let her withdraw $500 every 30 days. Maybe because it is a new account?

  371. NYC SB says:

    Enigma – 500 withdrawal is fee free anything over that there are fees involved

  372. Dandelion Wine says:

    Arcadia, it’s cheaper to have a wedding during the week, since it’s not the most desired time, they are probably just trying to contol costs or get married sooner, because weekends in a good location can get booked up like 2 years in advance.

  373. Dandelion Wine says:

    You can do a direct account transfer up to 5 k a day through ING orange.

  374. RedMaru says:

    Hey more posts since I turned my back….hey everybody whos here

  375. Giselle says:

    Hi sugar ladies!

    I’m back from a very long sugar hiatus (3 years!). I love the blog and I disagree- I think it’s gotten better.
    But my has SA changed. Anyone want to answer some ?s…?

    What is more successful… replying to SDs? or seeking out your own pots?

    p.s. NYC SB just skimming through your blog, so fun. Please update? :)

  376. NYC SB says:

    Giselle – will do… Probs this weekend

  377. RedMaru says:

    Hey NYC SB good to see ya :D
    Hey Giselle..thats a good question either option is capable of producing success. I had a friend IRL where it became a mini sugar arrangement. We were friends with similar tastes and still are friends and it just flowed into sweet. Fast forward to now I’m communication with a “possible” who if we meet when he’s in my town on business will be a pot. He sent me an message and I responded to him.

  378. GenuineSD says:

    @Enigma… Yes, this is the case with the basic account. I have it on good authority that if she upgrades her account she can withdraw larger amounts. This will also give her other options including obtaining a debit card if desired. I believe that there is a 3% fee on funds transfers.

  379. Ooooh, my old SD from the US just came through for me big time in a way that made me majorly swoon! Dependability is so sexy… I smell a re-kindling coming on. And good thing, too, since the only reason we stopped seeing each other was the distance.

    Alas, soon I will no longer be a third-world SB, but a first-world SB once again, at least for a while. I wonder if I should change my handle? Or, maybe, once a TWSB, always a TWSB?

  380. NYC SB says:

    Yay twsb! That’s awesome

  381. cleo says:

    third world: oh man, isn’t it amazing how sexy something so simple can be? do what you say you will and treat me and my time with respect…

    so simple and somehow so difficult

  382. LASB says:

    Arcadia – Some cultures have weddings on what are considered “lucky” days. If this falls on a weekday, so be it. That could be one of the reasons, or it may be what DW said.

    Muse – Your blog wife cheated on you.

    Welcome back NY Gent. Were your ears burning?

    It’s sunny and hot today! Gonna go for a swim. :)

  383. Dandelion Wine says:

    If you process the payment on the paypal under personal -> payment owed, there’s no fee/penalty

  384. Muse says:

    LASB- My wife cheats on me all the time. I’m thinking of investing in a chastity belt for her. Anyone know where I can get one of those? ;)

    TWSB- Congratulations. May I ask where in the First World you’re moving?

    Enigma- I have no idea why it does that but Paypal’s funny rules (and 3% fee) are why I don’t use them. Direct transfers/cash are so much easier.

  385. NYC SB says:

    Blog is quiet today

  386. NYC SB says:

    Haha have fun on your date oc! I met up with one of la’s finest sds last night … What a sweetie!

  387. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Ohh very nice! We do grow them so fine out here in Cali. I had to take that post down, my heinder is still in deep on this one and I can’t risk putting that info out there. I am so shocked about it all and as everyone knows who blogs, who do we have but each other to share this trama stuff with.

  388. Third World SB says:

    Thanks everyone! I’ll be moving back to the central east coast, but I’ll also spend some time in the Midwest, NYC, etc., occasionally, as my work tends to take me to those places somewhat often.

    And Cleo, yes, it is amazing how simple and sexy ‘do what you say’ can be. And yet so, so difficult to find.

  389. @OCSB – what did I miss?

  390. Kindred Spirit says:

    Thanks to all about the comments of how the allowance part might work, as I was also curious. If it works out that way I can take a look at all those options (paypal, ING orange…wait, what’s that? Never heard of it.).

    Hello Cleo, how does someone pay you over your email? Is that like giving him your bank info and he sends money that way online?

    Also, did you write that your SDs are called “clients”, or did I misinterpret that?

    Cheers! ~Kindred Spirit :D

  391. Kindred Spirit says:

    :( *crickets chirping*

    Heh, oh well, check the blog out tomorrow! Good night all!

  392. Dandelion Wine says:

    Kindred spirit, google ING electric orange checking account; transfers to other bank accounts is a part of the features.
    Cleo has a pilates business, I’m sure those are the clients she refers to.

  393. cleo says:

    Third World: decisiveness too. ‘yes, do that’ without hemming and hawing for an hour. funnily enough i’m very decisive with my own money but much more hesitant when spending someone elses… (else’s?)
    .
    Kindred Spirit: anyone i’ve ever taken seriously as a potential sd was someone i genuinely liked; i enjoyed their energy or their words or just hrm discussing whatever you know? so i could only use words like friend to describe them…

    in canada, with online banking, you can email money to people. you need their email address and a security question they know the answer to. most of the credit unions and all of the banks are hooked in now. it’s awesome.

    take the other day for example, i had this client who forgot her checkbook and i suggested she email me. she said “what the what?” and i explained that if she did online banking and knew my email address she could send money for the price of a debit at a bank machine. she was so delighted she opened up her bank window right then (on my laptop) and logged in and we did it together and bang i got paid.

    *love*
    .
    dandelion wine is totally right, my clients are pilates folks and generally quite broken.
    .
    i’m delighted to say that my marketing efforts are bearing fruit and i am seeing a very slow but steady and maybe increasing? trickle of new business. (frustrating financially but perfect in terms of assimilating new bodies to my ‘instincts’)

    i mention this because i know those of you who have known me a while worry about me a little :)

  394. SoNJSugar says:

    My current sugar status is still trying to find sugar, yet new to the sugar bowl. If anything that I’ve managed to learn during the last 5-6 months is that not only does this take time, but patience as well.

  395. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Michael let’s just say that if your sugar life was ever at risk of being exposed you would be umm… a little shocked and worried. But I think this will be okay in the end. I am saying my sugar prayers on this one for sure!
    On a happy note my first sugar meet tonight went very very well. We shall see :)

  396. Bela says:

    Yay OCSB!! Fingers crossed :)

  397. cleo says:

    ocsb: for me that’s the hardest moment in some ways. when the first meet goes well and you’re trying not to get your hopes up and yet… there they are, up.

  398. OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

    Cleo totally hard not to get hopes up. Why is that? Is it because we are too trusting?

    Today I feel the need to do a bit of sugar reconnaissance. I heard that the 800 number on the credit card charge from SA can be traced to SA. Totally into this mission! Because if this is true, I will be the first one in line to lobby to get that changed :) No one needs that to be the case.

    Oh and I need to head to work too, Ha so much more fun to play sugar detective ;) Have a great day Everyone!!!

  399. cleo says:

    OCSB: i think there’s magic and promise or at least potential of it and it sounds so nice and you yearn for that, so it’s hard not to wish and wishes, at their core, are hope put into words.

    my, i’m a poet this morning.
    .
    that’s really creepy about the credit cards if it’s true

  400. Giselle says:

    So SD dude got his first message critiqued

    I was wondering if all you lovely people could critique one of my own?

    I generally say something to the tune of:

    “Hey you

    I like your profile. You seem very funny and sincere

    Are you a gentleman as well? ;)

    xo”

    Alternatively to asking if they’re a gentleman, I will ask what type of arrangement they are looking for…

    I am not confident about this message because I’m used to being messaged more than messaging, but sometimes, I see someone who I would probably hit it off with and I want to make the connection. How do you guys do it?
    Pleaseeee send help/suggestions my way.

    <3 you gals and gents

    Gis

  401. @DW – I’m down 6 lbs in 10 days. 4 more in 10 days to reach short term target. In other news, my trainer is still wiping the floor with me. Training for a big hike at end of Feb.

    @Carebear – how are you doing against your target loss?

  402. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, very impressive! Keep in mind, part of it may be water weight :)

  403. Kindred Spirit says:

    Cleo~ Thanks for clearing that up! Now I understand about the client bit. Congrats on your business taking off, and I hope things continue to go well for you.

  404. The Lone Gunman says:

    Oh look! A new blog!

    TLG

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