2 years ago
Step Aside Sugar Daddies…
  • Posted Jun 18, 2012
  • Views 5439
  • Written by JennSA

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We’ve talked A LOT about Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies here, but we haven’t given much attention to Sugar Mommies. No, Sugar Mommies are not a figment of your imagination; they really do exist. They may be less common than Sugar Daddies, but they are out there, looking for sugar in all the same places. But, a Sugar Mama has a completely different moniker than a Sugar Daddy. In fact, a Sugar Mama usually falls into one or two categories: the alpha female, or the former Sugar Baby.

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline
Gretchen Rossi & Slade Smiley

There are millions of women named Britney, Jennifer, and Christina in the world (probably a fair share of Madonnas too) but it takes a strong, powerful woman to take a common first name and OWN it. These alpha females are so famous that they don’t need a last name when referring to them. They are hot, successful, and ridiculously wealthy. So, basically, they can have anyone they want including sexy back up dancers, male models, and production assistants. And why shouldn’t they?

[Christina Aguilera & Matt Rutler ]

[Source]

[Jennifer Lopez & Casper Smart ]

[Source]

[Madonna & Jesus Luz]

[Source]

The Alpha Female

More often than not, an alpha female will turn to an alternative type of relationship after the downfall of a serious relationship. In the case of J. Lo, Madonna and Britney Spears, a back-up dancer was just what they needed after a relationship with an alpha male went sour. There is a lot of public pressure and attention put on you when you are one half of a power couple – not to mention a lot of ego! So when the party was over for J.Lo & Marc, Britney & Justin, it was time to look for something different, and let’s face it, a back-up dancer can have a lot to offer a woman!

But don’t think that the only Sugar Mommies out there are Grammy winning hotties because that’s not the case. There are alpha females who are just as successful out of the limelight. An alpha female is a strong, successful woman who owns her prowess. She’s the high powered attorney who works 80 hours a week, or the made-from-scratch fashion mogul who is slowly making a name for herself. A Sugar Mommy like this will be busy building and sustaining her empire, and looking for something fun and sweet when there’s time. She may not have time for a traditional relationship, or a way to meet someone she is interested in, but that doesn’t mean she should have to be alone! So, she looks for an alternative relationship and becomes a Sugar Mama; except, in her version of the fairy tale, it’s not a back up dancer, maybe it’s a paralegal or a yummy frat boy.

The Former Sugar Baby

Then there is the former Sugar Baby. The lucky lady who married her Sugar Daddy, and perhaps made a name for herself along the way. We’re talking about any of the scorned women who have appeared as a cast member on the Real Housewives of [Insert City] , or the former wives of philandering professional athletes or business moguls. After the sugar turns sour, sometimes it’s okay to return to the sugar bowl and pay the sugar forward.

[Ivana Trump & Rossano Rubicondi]

[source]

[Linda Hogan & Charlie Hill]

[source]

Camille Grammer, Linda Hogan, and Ivana Trump all married men outside of their income brackets. When their marriages ended, they each found themselves re-entering the dating pool with a much higher net worth than the first time around. After putting their failed marriages behind them, they chose to look for men with much different qualities than their ex-husbands. By becoming financially independent, they are able to approach dating with whole new perspective. Gretchen Rossi, a cast member of The Real Housewives of Orange County, never got to marry her fiancé before he passed away. But thanks to his generosity, she was well taken care of in his will. She began dating someone new, and is able to help support him financially. Just like these ladies, there are plenty of widows, or divorcees who are set for life and are willing to dip their toes back into the dating pool, with perhaps a different set of priorities than in the past.

So why is a Sugar Mommy so hard to come by?  For all you Sugar Baby males (and females) who seem to think that Sugar Mamas are something of an urban legend, I promise you: they do exist!  There is even more competition for these elusive creatures than for Sugar Daddies, and when they find what they are looking for, they are more likely to be monogamous. While there are 10 sugar babies for every Sugar Daddy on SeekingArrangement.com, the sugar babies seeking sugar mommies ratio is nearly doubled. All Sugar Mamas are highly desired, and once they open themselves up to the idea, the possibilities are truly endless. It’s a woman’s world, and the men just have to live in it.

Do you know any Sugar Mommies? Do they fit the SA Sugar Mommy Theory?

Sugar Babies: Do you see yourself as a Sugar Mommy in the future?

Do you have any advice for those looking for a Sugar Mommy?

254 Responses to “Step Aside Sugar Daddies…”

  1. JennSA says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

  2. Treasured says:

    When I am 40 I am becoming one :D

  3. PhoneGuy says:

    Second?

  4. PhoneGuy says:

    The short answer is ‘yes’. ;-)

    But I’m hoping Anna or Tina becomes a Sugar Momma at some point. :-)

  5. PhillySB says:

    Madonna can be MY sugahmomma any day ;) She looks amazing!

  6. flyr says:

    I think the difference is that more could be sugar Mommas go for the kill and you get guys like John Kerry married to the Heinz heiress.

  7. Madison says:

    I’m on my way there. :) it’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll… LOL

  8. Tina says:

    @ Phone Guy: if I find the right SD, I could be a sugar momma before I’m 40 ;)

    Personally I think a lot of women aren’t sugar mommies because typically (don’t jump me guys!) when a divorce / break-up happens, it’s the female counterpart that ends up with the primary care of the children, which can make your own social life take a back seat. Also, I think that women that are in the position to be sugar mommies don’t know what sugar is about (if they’ve never experienced it) and think that an emotional connection isn’t possible. Most women look for an emotional connection in any relationship.

  9. Nicole says:

    Can anyone take a look at my profile? I’m a bigger girl, but I love my curves! I have been on this site before with no luck. Determined to give it one more try, I again joined 3 days ago. I have had over 50 views but no one has messaged me. I really want to know what I’m doing wrong here!!

  10. AnnaMW says:

    @PhoneGuy – I’m a busy professional who likes girls and doesn’t have time for a ‘typical’ relationship. Sounds like I might fit the bill. :-)

  11. NicoleNC says:

    @ Nicole. What’s your profile number?

  12. ContentSB says:

    LOL… “Gretchen Rossi and Slade Slimey”

    Although not far from the truth, isn’t it Slade Smiley?

    @Nicole — If you post your profile number I’m sure some bloggers will give you some feedback. Don’t get discouraged though…it can take months to find a good match! :)

  13. Nicole says:

    thank you ladies. My private number is 1047374

  14. ContentSB says:

    @Nicole — I think the only thing I would change is your pictures. Instead of group shots put some up of yourself in a sexy dress that accents your curves in all the right places. Sometimes it can also help to say how you will enhance your SD’s life.

    I personally enjoyed your description of yourself…I love learning what other people consider their unique “quirks” to be :) However, my profile used to read similar to that, and I had success with it, but I’ve had more conversations with men after changing it to focus more on my sugar goals/why a SD would be lucky to have me :)

  15. AnnaMW says:

    @ Nicole – I love the fact that you own being a big girl and you come across as very cute and confident. I agree with ContentSB’s advice. It’s good to offer insight as to your personality and interests, but focusing on the things that will enhance your SDs life may be helpful also. Maybe you can also add more details about the type of man you hope to meet. Good luck!

  16. NicoleNC says:

    Nicole, this is my two cents…
    - Love the headline
    - I would not have anyone else in the photos – especially not another woman! LOL
    - I agree with Content SB – show your curves!
    - I like pictures #2 and #3 – again crop the other girl. I would only have those two and some more showing your curves!
    - I also agree with Content SB – focus a little more on your sugar goals/why an SD would be lucky to have you….the spice you will bring to his life! :). Just my two cents!
    -

  17. Nicole says:

    Thank you so much ladies!

  18. Nicole says:

    Thank you so ladies for taking time to look at my profile! I will work on those point soon!!

  19. flyr says:

    @nicole

    the others have made some great suggestions

    You probably got a lot of hits when your photo was on the site home page without any information on your location. 95% of the people who clicked are probably more than 500 miles away. You are not the only one who is confused about the abundance of hits and minimal number of contacts

    I would

    delete any reference to Vegas

    get tho people out of your pictures and be careful what you wear.

    tastefully display your assets and minimize concerns

    You talk a little about what the experience could be and I would expand slightly on this but keep it classy

    You mention comfort with an evening in . A picture or two should suggest what you would be wearing , at least in the initial part of the evening

    I think you will be successful. ……

  20. Maddy says:

    I’ll buy a Ferrari when I turn 60, that will get me a nice sugar male in his 30s’….

  21. Alleycat says:

    @midwest – if you ever decide to become a Sugar Momma, I will be at the front of the line…..

    SB update – lunch with a pot last week, interesting convo and definite interest from her and me, no mention of allowance or gifting. I think she was sick of match.com and Sa.com is a great alternative.

    So today my daughter has a sleepover at a friends house. So I texted the pot, said I’m free, how about dinner? She is late 30s, trainee commercial pilot, young kid, runner so she has great legs. A charming dinner (with a very cheeky NZ Sauvignon blanc, but I digress) back to my room, and we banged our little hearts out for a good hour. Great fun. She lives in a small town so this was a nice fun break for her and for me!! Great evening.

    Oh and the blog topic? No, no, yes.

  22. kimberly says:

    would anyone mind sharing a match they’ve had on here. haven’t found a match want to reassure myself this site is legit. need a womens reassurance lol

  23. Alleycat says:

    @kimberley – its legit. You couldn’t make up some of these characters or some of the experiences. It does take a while to find the right person for you though. Screen thoroughly, and keep contacting people. You’ll get there.

  24. AnnaMW says:

    @Kimberly – I’ve had a few successful arrangements, most lasting between three months and a year. I will admit that it’s a lot harder recently since the site is so saturated with new people. I used to sit back and wait, but now it seems SBs need to be a little more proactive.

    If you write to people, make sure to send a few sentences, not just a wink or a one line email. I know that it drives me crazy to get them, so it will be more likely to capture his attention if you reference something in his profile.

  25. Honey says:

    Hi,saw the topic of Trophy husbands on t.v. last night, apparently they are out there and growing.Just checking in to see what’s been up. Hope everyone is happy and well.

  26. Anna Molly says:

    Kimberly ~ I’ve had a couple of great arrangements! You just have to be patient. :D

  27. Jasmine says:

    Absolutely!

  28. NYGIrl says:

    Alley cat .

    Can I ask you. Your new SB girl from last evening – she did not ask for money before hands, so YOU decided she want to do it “for free” coz she “is sick of Match.com” .
    You took her home and made sex …. and you did not put an envelop in her purse, did give her any gift ? sorry if I am missing something….

    May en she wanted a gift since she has a small kid and may be was paying babysitter to go out with you. and no gas money , no bikiney wax money?

    Some guys do not want to feel “transactional” so they do not want to talk money but would be generous coz they understand a girl registered here coz she expect some “help” .

    You do not want to feel transactional or pro – nal if she talks money or she gifts , but if a girl for your convience ! does discus money (coz she is new, shy, thinks you know what u r doing, hoping you would bring ip the money conversation…) you think she want to do it for free coz she wants sex coz at match.com she can not find sex.

    ?

  29. NicoleNC says:

    @Honey, @ Midwest SB and other experienced SB. Anyone have suggestions or recommendations on how to handle it when an SD does not want to “hand” over actual cash? He is fine giving it but not “handing” it over….says he wants me to be his “special” woman, not his escort

    He is fine doing either paypal or me opening up a checking out at his bank and he is open to other suggestions. Anyone have any recommendations?

  30. flyr says:

    @nicoleNC “He is fine giving it but not “handing” it over….says he wants me to be his “special” woman, not his escort ”

    Take it as a compliment as long as he implements a solution.

    Instant – Nice greeting card with note and cash or check put in purse

    Better – SD opens account at institution where he probably has other accounts in his name., isolates the account from other accounts, has a debit card issued and perhaps some checks. All he has to do is transfer funds to his “special” account. You have to trust that the SD is not gong to withdraw “your” funds. You can get cash from the machine, charge things to the debit card etc. Get authorization note in case you want to use it at a restaurant. Only drawback is that you probably can not purchase airline tickets. It sounds much more complicated than it is.

  31. NicoleNC says:

    ‘@ flyr. Thanks for the suggestions. I do take it as a compliment. As for your suggestions…he is against the “instant” but I may suggest the “better.”

  32. Alleycat says:

    @NYGirl – thanks for your comments.

    We had a 3 hour lunch last week, couple of phone calls, several emails and a bunch of txts. At lunch last week, we had a long conversation, and I very specifically asked “what are you looking for” and it came down the fact she wanted a part-time relationship without the drama. She did not raise the subject of money. Her profile has “open” in the allowance section.

    Secondly – Yes, she is sick of match.com – the last guy she met on there “accidentally” whacked her over her head with a paddle (they were kayaking), and broke into her apartment one day when she was out., So yes, she is sick of match.com

    Thirdly, she lives in a small town about 90 mins away, with zero action. She is there for flight school, that’s it. She drove to see me last time, I drove to see her last night. No problem. She is not short of money – a combination of GI Bill, child support, state unemployment and $ from her parents has everything covered, including fulltime flying school.

    Lastly, she is not some airheaded retail chick with zero aspirations, to whom $500 is a lot of money. She has substantial career goals to become a commercial pilot in 4 years, and she will get there. Plus we had so much fun last night, she wanted to come back this morning, but I had to leave for a meeting.

  33. AnnaMW says:

    @Allycat – It sounds like your new girl sounds like she came here hoping to find a rich boyfriend. If you are on board with that, great. It must be refreshing that she is not asking for defined terms or an allowance, but the likelihood of her eventually wanting more is likely. Arrangement or not, she’s here to meet a wealthy man and would probably appreciate gifts, babysitter money and incidentals. She sounds really cool so good luck!

    @NicoleNC – You can open up a bank account in just your name that he can deposit money into at any time, but paypal probably requires less work.

    You could also suggest that allowance exchange take during a platonic date as opposed to a private meeting. I had an SD that preferred to handle things that way. My experience is that nice guys never want to feel like they’re paying for sex and a lot of girls prefer a less transactional approach as well.

  34. Alleycat says:

    @NicoleNC – the short answer is to get him to PayPal you. Quick and simple.

  35. flyr says:

    “”Lastly, she is not some airheaded retail chick with zero aspirations, to whom $500 is a lot of money. She has substantial career goals to become a commercial pilot in 4 years, and she will get there. .”"

    Although I have had a commercial ticket for decades the only part that tempted me was to run off to Alaska and fly up there. However, I have a lot of friends in commercial aviation from senior test pilots to recent graduates of civilian flight schools. . The life of the pilot and commercial flying in general has changed over the past 3 decades and especially over the past decade.

    You may find that wen she really needs financial assistance is when she has her ticket and a first job.

  36. flyr says:

    There are some very specific reasons why the account in his name may be a better idea.

  37. flyr says:

    Not sure if others think this is a funny . This is from an actual current profile forwarded by a friend under her description of the pot sd.

    **************************************************************************
    No sex. What I’m looking for is someone who is interested in me, likes to see me happy and wants me to succeed. I don’t think that I need to be physically involved with a man for him to want to pamper and spoil me.

    I am a stripper though, and any sugar daddy of mine is welcome and encouraged to visit me at work. Let’s meet up a couple of times a week, have a good meal and do something fun. Come on now guys, don’t you want to take stripper on a shopping spree?

  38. NicoleNC says:

    @flyr “There are some very specific reasons why the account in his name may be a better idea.”

    Was that directed to me? If so, can you share the reasons…just so I can repeat them to him :)

  39. AnnaMW says:

    @flyer – Hahahahaha!!!! So basically she’s saying, “Hey Boys! I make my living as a sex worker, but I would NEVER have sex with any of you.”

    The weird thing is that most dancers I’ve known have had creepy, loser boyfriends who sat on the sidelines and spent their money.

  40. Jack says:

    Flyr,

    That is a funny SB post you shared with us, but it’s not the only one that I have read where the woman wanted money (in one case, she stated a range of $5000 to $10,000!) while stating that sex would not be involved. I was dying to contact the lady (but didn’t) to see if she had any serious takers.

    I will say there is a wrinkle to Flyr’s post that I found very interesting. There is a lady in NYC who posted in SA seeking an angel investor/donor to help re-launch her singing career after a hiatus due to vocal cord injury. In speaking with her, she was just seeking a benefactor (more than an investor who would get a meaningful return on his money) and I gave it some serious thought but decided that her “business plan” for the re-launch wasn’t quite “soup” yet. I gave her specific reasons for that opinion and invited her to re-contact me when she thought her business plan was further advanced.

    The opposite of this appears to be the pilot-in-training that Alleycat posted about, who is apparently more interested in the intimate companionship than the cash. This lady is the “Z” on the “A to Z” scale I discussed last week which SD Guru (I think it was) said did not exist.

    My conclusion (as a relative newbie, just a few weeks on the site) is the same as before–that with 150,000 SB’s and SD’s floating around this site, just about every imaginable motive/objective/purpose for being here is represented in the numerous profiles on this site. Is it not possible even that a Sugarmommy-type person who doesn’t want to be an actual Sugarmommy (but has the financials to do it if she wanted) comes to this site to find a “SugarDaddy” for any merits he might have OTHER than his wallet?

    I am quite sure that sort of individual is rare on this site, but I think Allecat’s posts suggest that such ladies do exist here.

    Therefore, perhaps none of us should be so quick to judge others (whether on this blog or otherwise) about what somebody else “needs” unless we know all the essential facts.

    Just my two cents’ worth.

    Jack

  41. NYG says:

    Alleycat , I am confused , did you post before under “Amazing guy” from SF nick?

    She is a single mom who explained to you she takes money from her parents and alimony to survive for 4 more years while still on training, no good income for a few more years for her ;
    She drives to you many miles – so this month her parents have to give her a bit more money for the Gas , pedi, new perfume for the new sugar daddy.

    Since she is not getting good salary, but spends on education and she is not air headed she would use her “sugar” for the after school activities of her child or her parents can have a little break, or her debt will not increase while she is studying .

    and secondly, thirdly and fourthly … When a guy asking “what exactly you are looking for…”
    a girl might answer “I am looking for a great guy with who I feel chemistry and can have amazing sex…”

    it does NOT mean she would not appreciate a nice gift or spa gift card, or toy’r'us gift card, gas station card; she just hopes he is a successful gentleman ! and he knows what he is doing and what is this site about since obviously he is 100 time more experienced in S dating than she is.

    If it was me… why would I explain all my financial situation! and what my patents pay for me and my child to a guy/ lover?

    but whatever… nothing personal ,
    let us wait till she comes to blog and post “I had terrific sex with a guy from this site for a month spent $ 500 on gas, hair color , new lingerie … and he never gave me anything – do I ask him or wait one more month “.

  42. Midwest SB says:

    Hey sugars!

    NicoleNC – You’ve received some great advice, so I will just add to it.

  43. Midwest SB says:

    1- If he needs to be discreet and not have a paper trail, then cash is king. A gift card or cash in a card is always nice.
    2- If you open a bank account online, he will usually be asked by management if he is aware that it is an online account and ask him to provide ID in many instances (fraud prevention).
    3- If you use PayPal, he will have access to much of your personal information. Fees are usually involved, so either be willing to absorb the fees or let him know they exist. A gentleman will include a little extra to cover the fees.
    4- A rechargeable AMEX or Visa gift card is nice, but again there are fees involved. Make sure you read the fine print.

    Alleycat – I know you’ve always teetered between “relationships” and “arrangements” and whatever works for both of you is between you. I think we coined “relangements” just for you. However, NYG does bring up some valuable points in that she may be putting herself out a bit, so please keep it in mind. Also, many women are so uncomfortable with discussing the financial aspect of an arrangement, but most also hope for a cash allowance along with “perks” or a wealthy boyfriend. So you do the math. Anyone’s experience on Match.com will send them running, but often for a variety of reasons. You may think that her goals mean the $500 doesn’t mean much to her, but I guarantee it would be appreciated. It can mean taking the kids for a summer weekend vs. not…. sending kids to camp for a week and a little free time for the two of you vs burdening parents with childcare all the time…less to pay back for school vs. principal plus interest. Get my drift? It doesn’t mean much to someone with money, but it can make a difference for those who won’t admit to needing it. Nobody likes living hand to mouth, even if the end goal is honorable and lucrative. No adult wants to accept money from their parents. Add kids to the mix and it’s expensive….period. One visit to the urgent care clinic can put a wrench into finances for weeks. Please consider all these things, but know that I’m not judging.

  44. Brian says:

    I have a lady friend, who is more interested in women. She is submissive and she found a SugarMomma to take care of her. She keeps her own apartment and has a great deal. So I know they are out there.

  45. Sabrina says:

    I am definitely being a sugar momma down the road– provided I can of course xD

  46. flyr says:

    @ Midwest SB “Also, many women are so uncomfortable with discussing the financial aspect of an arrangement, but most also hope”

    Beyond the above I would go back to a) what was the understanding and intent. b) are you injecting poison into the relationship through your silence, she has perhaps spoken through her affection. If you were looking for a great sugar relationship and found an exceptional one rethinking the big picture may make some sense. I do not think her parents (unless they are pretty well off) are going to be enthused about paying gas and babbysitters for your benefit in the long run. And getting to a survival wage in the airline business is a long run today. Right seaters in the farm club airlines are somewhere between indentured slaves and underpaid apprentices.

    I have has a couple of emails about my comments regarding a separate SB account maintained by the SD in his name but with a debit card / cash card safely tucked in her purse. I think it is the easiest of the non cash methods of handling the allowance. If you want you can also add her as a signatory on the account without being an account holder so that she can sign checks. It’s an important distinction.The account receives the allowance through a simple transfer between accounts.

    I have always felt that part of the SD role in a real arrangement (vs a transactional arrangement) was to be able to make magic happen. This makes it easy to meet an emergency need (her car broke down etc.) with a few keystrokes or a call to your banker.

    It might be telling her to go ahead and get that magical little black dress she’s looking at and be sure to put it on “the” card with the unspoken understanding that it is a present.

    Personally I dislike PayPal and it gives rise fees along with being a highly visible transaction.

    Transferring money to her account is also easy but raises some red flags without a federal tax id

  47. flyr says:

    “”Hahahahaha!!!! So basically she’s saying, “Hey Boys! I make my living as a sex worker, but I would NEVER have sex with any of you.” “” ….OR….. my drug dealer will cut me off if I mess around.

  48. Sabrina says:

    Awww guys… Let’s not bash on the strippers. Pole dancers are some of the strongest women I’ve seen in my life.

    Plus, it takes some huge balls to go up on a stage and bare everything. I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.

  49. James Blair says:

    Many successful men and women love these sites. And yes Suggar Babes do exits.

  50. SD Guru says:

    Interesting discussion between Alleycat, NYG, Jack, and Midwest. Here’s my take on the situation:

    (1) They’ve only had one intimate meeting so far, so let’s not jump to conclusion right away. Give them some time and see how the relationship develops.
    (2) I’ve always said an arrangement could be whatever the two people involved can agree on, and sugar could be anything that is considered valuable by the recipient, it doesn’t always have to be in the form of money.
    (3) Sugar helps to establish boundaries in the relationship and keeps it NSA and drama free. Without it then it’s just a traditional dating relationship.
    (4) Even though Alleycat’s new pot didn’t explicitly ask for anything, as Midwest pointed out, any generous gesture on his part (financial or other forms) would certainly be appreciated.

    Knowing Alleycat’s track record with SB’s, what will happen in two months?

    A. She becomes his FB (f*ck buddy).
    B. She becomes his SB (with gifts and/or allowance)
    C. She becomes his girlfriend and wants to live happily ever after
    D. He finds something he doesn’t like about her and moves on
    E. Something else? :mrgreen:

    @Jack
    “…who is apparently more interested in the intimate companionship than the cash. This lady is the “Z” on the “A to Z” scale I discussed last week which SD Guru (I think it was) said did not exist.”

    She may not be interested in cash, but she would probably be interested in other forms of sugar. And that’s the point I was trying to make previously.

    @flyr
    “There are some very specific reasons why the account in his name may be a better idea.”

    From the SD’s perspective, if discretion and privacy are important to him, then having a sugar account can leave a paper trail of transactions in his name. And giving an unrelated party access to his account can become problematic. From the SB’s perspective, the SD can cut off access to his account at any time. So this may not be a good idea in some cases.

    “I am a stripper though, and any sugar daddy of mine is welcome and encouraged to visit me at work.”

    And you wonder why strippers call their best customers “sugar daddies”. She’s not looking to be a SB, she’s just looking for more customers.

  51. Jack says:

    SD Guru,

    When I said “cash,” what I meant was something of value, so I still think we disagree. I still am of the opinion (again, without much data to support it!) that there are SOME women on this site for whom money is not an object. Undoubtedly, they will be rare but I am confident they exist.

    That being said, let me just say that even in my traditional relationships, and in many platonic friendships I have had, there has been “sugar” involved. I have given away countless free flights to friends (male as well as female) as well as to women I was dating, have paid for more than one car repair in my day, and have helped lots of people by contribution of my time (which is far more valuable to me than money), etc. Certainly, meeting someone on this site essentially raises the money/sugar component to an expectation, but there are exceptions to that rule, and “sugar” can apply in other relationships.

    My point is it ain’t black and white, and I completely agree with the following point made by SD Guru:

    (2) I’ve always said an arrangement could be whatever the two people involved can agree on, and sugar could be anything that is considered valuable by the recipient, it doesn’t always have to be in the form of money.

    Finally, I have found the above discussion about form of payment interesting, and would make one point about the various “discreet” ways of making payments–namely, that probably just about every way of making a payment leaves an audit trail (ie, is not as discreet as one thinks). I’m no expert on Paypal, but I’ll bet that Paypal transactions leave an audit trail. Cash payments? They do too–because usually the cash is withdrawn from an account, and those recurrent withdrawals leave an audit trail (unless the cash comes from relatively untraceable sources, but let’s not go down THAT road).

  52. Treasured says:

    @Alleycat – If the girl wanted sex and was fed up with match dot com, why she simply didn’t register on myfunbuddy dot com.
    There is a REASON why an adult woman would register on here, and the reason is men with cash (in one form on another).
    Wake up and do compensate her for her time. If she is too shy to tell you directly, doesn’t mean that she isn’t expecting it (and believe, me, after what she has told you re her financial situation, she is hoping and looking for a SD and not just a FB).

  53. nikki says:

    would love to find me a sugar momma

  54. AnnaMW says:

    @ Guru

    “(3) Sugar helps to establish boundaries in the relationship and keeps it NSA and drama free. Without it then it’s just a traditional dating relationship.”

    Exactly. I come here when I’m not looking for a serious relationship. Negotiated terms, tangible benefit and mutual understanding that while a situation may be long term, it’s still temporary.

    Sugar keeps us both focused on our primary role in the relationship – to keep each other happy. Like Jack stated, time is valuable and I would rather spend my precious free time enjoying myself without worry as opposed to musing over questions like “I wonder if he likes me?” or “Where is this going?”

    Conversely, plenty of people have found their significant other on SA. Relationships change forms all the time, and while I’m not entirely closed minded, I would never aspire to meet my soul mate here. In fact, it would be less than ideal if I did.

    Now… @ Jack

    You’re right. There are definitely women on the site that don’t “need” to be. Some of those women come here to meet rich boyfriends, others simply have loftier goals and desire a casual but ongoing situation. I fall into column B. Despite doing very well, I can always come up with a constructive, practical use of an extra several thousand dollars each month. The guys I gravitate towards are happy to contribute to a potentially bright future and are happy I’m not frittering away my Sugar on things they see as less productive.

    My point is that while some women may not need to be here, they may still be just as interested in an allowance as the girl with the unpaid electric bill. It all depends on that SBs goals, ambitions and whether you value her enough and are able to help get to where she wants to be.

    I have access to wealthy guys IRL and sometimes I date them. If there isn’t earth shattering chemistry and I don’t see a future, I prefer to keep them as friends or mentors. I would much prefer a 5k deposit to my DDA over chartered flights and 25k weekends in Vegas which feel wasteful and gratuitous.

  55. AnnaMW says:

    Oh, and I agree with Midwest 99.99999% of the time <3

    Great comments.

  56. J. says:

    Can anyone please take a look at my profile and tell me what am I missing or doing not right?? # is: 490147. Have been on this site for a while now and have had over 400 views but still no luck. Seems to me like not a legit site.. or is it?? Coz no one replies..

    Thank you for your time!

  57. flyr says:

    490147 is that correct

  58. Jack says:

    AnnaMW,

    As almost always, I completely agree with your post. While acknowledging that some women for whom “sugar” is irrelevant are on this site, you stated that you (and by implication, the vast majority of women here) do consider sugar an important component of the relationship. THAT IS AS IT SHOULD BE, given that that is the purpose of this site.

    Since I think the initial purpose of my post has probably been lost (or wasn’t clear to begin with), let me restate it as follows: I was primarily suggesting that it is improper to criticize Alleycat’s interactions with his pilot-in-training because one-size-does-not-fit all. That was it, and I do not view that post as earth-shaking by any means.

    A question to Treasured–regarding why Allecat’s friend didn’t register for myfunbuddy dot com, and my question is this (I have not heard of the site so perhaps it’s a stupid question): Can you compare the average “quality” of guys on myfunbuddy versus the guys here? Could that be a reason why (assuming she even knew of the funbuddy site) she came here rather than there?

    I would probably think (again, without any data) that the quality of both the men and the women here would be substantially greater than the funbuddy site, and in addition, I suspect that most SD’s and SB’s are looking for something more than just a funbuddy.

    Since we have beaten this topic to death (I think), may I suggest a new one?

    There have been multiple references to “awesome sex” in these blogs on various occasions–and of course, in the literature at large. Can the SD’s define what they mean by this term when they apply it to a woman, and can the SB’s tell us what they mean when they apply it to a guy?

    Jack

  59. SONYA says:

    Now that I think about I used to be a Sugar Mommy (sorta).I would give my boyfriends money, and pay for our dinners and shopping…What the hell was I thinking! I was trying so hard to be the “perfect girlfriend” I ended up being a doormat.In my culture your taught to ” be a good woman and treat your man right, take care of him”.I didn’t mind doing it but I wasn’t getting the appreciation I deserved.So needed to say I HAD to switch roles lol.It’s my turn now :)

  60. PhoneGuy says:

    @Anna, DDA? Sounds like someone is in the banking industry? ;-)

    @J, I’m going to assume you are an SB but I’m getting “profile not available”. Anything else you want to tell us?

  61. AnnaMW says:

    @ PhoneGuy – ;-) Sounds like someone else may know a thing or two as well. I’m actually not but use the lingo a lot.

    @ Jack – You’re totally right. There are all kinds of people on seekingarrangement looking for all kinds of things…. In any relationship where there is an income disparity, I find it rather dickish for whoever is the higher earner (male or female) to not contribute.

    I’ve seen nice relationships fall apart because one of the parties was overly concerned about the person “liking me for me”. There is nothing wrong with wanting a financial stable partner and it is usually transparent when that is their main focus. If a man wants to meet a woman that is on an equal playing field financially, he should try match.com and give up his dreams of finding a hot young thing thats half his age. Im not saying you’re doing this, btw. I just wanted to point out the importance of realistic expectations in sugar dating.

  62. Holly says:

    Hi Guys!
    I’m new to this site and have spoken to several potentials but have not gained the courage to meet face to face. I’m always scared I will end up in some sort of sex trafficking scam or with a broke scam artist lol. I live in a very rural area so meeting usually entails me driving at least two hours away. I guess I would like some words of encouragement or stories of positive experiences.
    Thanks so much:)

  63. NYGIrl says:

    Midwest.

    Thank you for translating my post in English.

    I bow down to your highness.

  64. Jazzie says:

    Wow I just read through all of the comment and I have to say it was a very interesting read. I can sense the passion and it is hot. Well that is all I wanted to say. Huggies.

  65. NYGIrl says:

    Jack.

    About the quality of guys at Match and SD sites.

    YOU were at match and you are here – looks like the same quality.

    Some guys I met at SA were for 2-3 years before on Match, Jewdate … – same guys here and there.

    the big difference is for GUYS at SD sites – you have a lot of attention from much younger girls and you have many choices ; a guy save! a lot of time and other recourse compare to Match;
    That is why I do not like when a guy takes advantage of SD site and get very fast a better quality girl here and sex but then he behaves like they met through regular site and he is just THAT amazing.

  66. mamacita says:

    Hay guys Im new to the whole internet dating scene n the site. I recently broke up with my previous SD (after 3 years together) and am in search for a new one. Im 27 and still as hot as ever in a bikini. Please email me and if u need a photo b4 mine is approved then I can provide that as well but let me know if your interested. Thanks Good Luck everyone!

  67. PhoneGuy says:

    @mamacita, email sent! ;-)

    @Jack, awesome sex is where you return home and want to collapse. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go collapse. ;-)

  68. mds007 says:

    I haven’t met tons of women here, but the ones I have met in person have all been financially stable or better. I have had several women tell me they are not looking for payment, but instead only looking for a guy who isn’t broke. So I do think there are a fair share of women on here looking for a rich boyfriend (or a rich “special friend”). I’ve been with a girl from this site for 6 months. I haven’t given her a dime directly, but I do pay for everything if we go anywhere, have paid for 2 long weekend trips and did fork over a 2500 dollar handbag as a birthday gift. I think women can be a bit competitive with each other when it comes to the men they hang around. I’m 35, pretty well of financially and not terrible looking. The woman I have found here is 22, intimidatingly attractive and probably has more money than I do thanks to her doctor father. If I had ever tried putting 500 dollars into an envelope and given it to her for anything, ever, I would have been promptly dumped.

  69. AnnaMW says:

    @mds007 – Congratulations on your arrangement! You seem to be with a girl that has no financial needs or goals and simply likes the idea of dating a good looking, young-ish, established guy who can treat her to a nice lifestyle. She has a “sugar daddy” in her real father, but you provide access to a more luxurious life experience. Sounds like a great situation.

    To your point about handing over 500 in an envelope, I know that some women appreciate gifts on a first date or like when a guy slips them some extra cash. I on the other hand would feel slightly embarrassed and a little insulted, so I can relate.

  70. choccurvesyyz says:

    I am one of those women who are just tired of dealing with broke men. I have my own business, I have my own money and I’ve been a sugarmomma before (even though I didn’t know I was :/ )

    I just want a man to treat me, spoil me and treat me well. I don’t really need the cash in my hand (although it would be nice!)

    I’m going to be 35 with no children and have no prospects, so I figure I might as well use my down time to my advantage.

  71. VA83 says:

    I don’t see anything really wrong with @Alleycat’s date. As long as he is a gentleman on the next date and offers her a little something as a gift for the terrific evening they enjoyed together. As I too am seeking a non transactional arrangement. My question is …in my profile I state that I am looking for a non NSA arrangement. When I say NSA I mean that I’m not looking for a pay for play situation. Which I also state. But I believe it may be scaring off potentials. Actually I say I’m not looking for sex in exchange of money. Does it sound like I don’t want to have sex? If you would like you can view my profile at profile # 503221. Any advice would be apprechiated.

  72. FLFunSB says:

    Hiiiii everyone. I had the Flu for almost 10days than my son got it. I have never been this sick in my life. UGH. I lost weight and haven’t even entertained the blog. :-(

    Cant wait to catch up with all the comments. Welcome all new people. :-D

    @Jack lets catch up soon, haven’t forgot about you. I feel like I was on my death bed. :-(

    @Alleycat I really think she was telling you her story in hopes you bring up the sugar part or just gave her some gifts. I am stable in my life but I always appreciate more. My ex SD gave me a gift for a disney cruise for me and my son; that to me was hands down the best gift I ever received. He paid attention to the important things in my life and why I do this. I think you should consider gifting her on something to do with flight school or flying lessons. When a SD pays attention to small things it makes us (or just me lol) want to spoil the hell out of him even more. ;-)

    I would love to be a sugar momma if I could! I love the feeling when a SD spoils me and I appreciate it because he allows me to do things I could never afford to do! I would love the feeling of spoiling someone and helping them.

    FLFunSB- 859960

  73. Alleycat says:

    @FLfunSB – point taken. We spent a lot of time talking, and I have got a fairly good sense of what she is about. Money is probably on the list for her, but respect, a connection to someone she likes and emotional support are much more important for her. As you said, your SD paid attention to the important things in your life, and that made a big difference to you. I do the same.

    I have no issue in gifting her, and I generally have a #2 who I do gift. But in this case, straight $ gifting would not go down well. She lives 2 hours away, so maybe I’ll take her shopping next time she is here.

    Btw – nice profile!

  74. Jack says:

    Hi folks,

    Mds007 (with Walther PPK in hand, no doubt!) and choccurves and VA83,

    Thanks for posting and supporting the point that at least some women on the site find money/sugar of little consequence. I think everyone agrees that even if other forms of sugar are not in play, a nice thoughtful gift here and there is always appropriate and appreciated–including one (which can easily be no-dollar or low-dollar) from the SB to the SD, while the SD’s to the SB is more likely to be of the higher-dollar one, whether it be a $2500 purse or a Disney cruise.

    Sounds like Alleycat is doing what is appropriate in that relationship.

    FLFunSB–sorry to hear you’ve been sick. I’ll look forward to your email when you feel better.

    And if any one is gonna be in San Jose, Costa Rica between this Sun and next Wed, let me know and we can meet up there!

    Jack

  75. Alleycat says:

    @Jack – there are VERY few women here who are averse to $ gifting, I have a highly unusual situation here. Money is of consequence to everybody. In this situation, there are matters of greater consequence, and I am focusing on those first.

    I also find the notion of “a nice thoughtful gift here and there” slightly patronizing and sexist. You trivialize the entire relationship with such a concept and approach. Just my $0.02…

  76. Jack says:

    Alleycat,

    You always seem to “read” things in my posts that simply aren’t there. I’m not sure why you do that, but hey, it’s a free country, keep on doing it if you find it satisfying or productive.

    NO trivializing going on. Just a one-sentence summary of previous posts to which I specifically referred, unless you think my reference to the Disney cruise was an attempt to trivialize.

    Have a nice day.

  77. AnnaMW says:

    @VA83 – I think that saying that you are looking for “non NSA” could give the impression that you are looking for a serious relationship. If that is the case, say it but but be clear.

    When “non-NSA” is followed by a comment about not looking for sex for money is could be seen as you’re A) wanting a relationship or B) seeking a platonic arrangement.

    My suggestions:

    - Try to strike a balance between your own preferences and what you have to offer to the right guy. What’s in it for him?
    - If you are open to exclusivity or to an arrangement leading to more, communicate that you are looking for ONE guy but are open to more developing if you met the right person (if that is the case)
    - If you have a flexible schedule, ability to travel, give a great massage, addicting laugh, carefree attitude, SELL IT…. It’s easy to describe ourselves in adjective, but what really makes you unique?
    - Replace any negative language like “no point in moving forward without chemistry” with “mutual attraction and chemistry is very important to me”…. Also, “is being up front too much to ask?” could come across a lot softer if you said “You can always count on me to be honest, discreet, blah blah blah” …. You don’t want to make being with you seem like an insurmountable challenge.
    - “Drug and Drama free” should be a given….. I would instead say that you are a very healthy and active person (if its true, of course!) and that you hope to meet a likeminded person who is looking for a simple, fun relationship.
    - You might also want to change your range to “open- amount negotiable”. I got a lot more hits when my profile said that.

    GOOD LUCK!! I hope this helps

  78. ContentSB says:

    Ladies — Do you ever have a man who looks at your profile daily (never messages) and it gets to the point where it’s borderline creepy?

  79. asianNYCbaby says:

    Hello everyone!

    I enjoy reading the commentaries from different kinds

  80. asianNYCbaby says:

    Ooops! Pressed post by mistake.. Anyways…

    I really enjoy reading the blog and different opinions by everybody here. This is actually my first post after a couple of months of following the blog happenings. I am in a bit of a dilemma. I met a pot a couple days ago and thought he was nice and attractive but after like 5 minutes of talking he asked if we could go get a room. After reading several blogs including this one I have been a little wary about trusting pots right away. So I obviously said no but said I was attracted to him but would like to get to know him better. I am not a prude or anything and I enjoy sex as much as anybody does. My partners have considered me to have a high sex drive so it’s not that I don’t like sex but rather I don’t want to be taken advantaged by opportunists who think women wanting to be SB’s are easy lays. So he wanted to see me again. I suggested dinner and get to know each other and see if there is something worth pursuing but he said he is ready to have an arrangement. He wants to meet again in a hotel room this time so there’s no confusing his intentions and said he would give me a part of the allowance he will give then if we click we’ll talk about “the future”. So I think he was pretty contradictory. He said he was ready for an arrangement when in fact he wants a “test drive”. Is this normal? Should I be offended? I’m not really comfortable since I met him just once but I would definitely sleep with him if we knew each other longer.. Lol! I need the wisdom of the wise SD’s and SB’s here..

  81. AnnaMW says:

    @AsianNYCbaby – The man you describe is not a gentleman, so if you want an SD that will treat you like a lady, you can cross him off of your list. If you are really attracted to him anyway and content with the possibility he may disappear after, go ahead but proceed with caution.

    The feeling I get is that you may not trust him, in which case you might not want to meet him at his hotel room or at all. I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I know of an SB that was lured to a mans room on a second date under the pretense that he didn’t want to give her allowance to her in public. When she got to the room, there was no money and he attempted to rape her. Clothes torn, police called, the whole nine yards so if you get ANY kind of bad feeling, go with your instincts.

    The theme that keeps coming up in this thread is the mixed bag of intentions you will find on this site…. It really is an interesting place and I feel VERY fortunate that my SDs have been mostly wonderful guys.

  82. Mimi says:

    @ContentSB YES!!!! I hate it! These guys live in my city, I’m pretty witty (Hey that rhymes!) and yet they still don’t want to message me. I even broke the ice on several occasions and offered to meet up, but I have had no replies from the creepers. Perhaps they’re just curious cheap creepers with strange intentions or maybe I’m not their type. You’d think they would remember that I’m not their type, but nope!
    I have witty headlines and I change my nickname from time to time to fit the headline, so that could be it. But based on my pictures, they should know that they’ve already viewed me before for the umpteenth time! It makes sense for them to click on my profile again after having read the email to refresh their memories, but for them to continue clicking on my profile every day makes no sense. They must check out so many profiles or they have Alzheimer’s.

  83. rebecca says:

    hey ive had a bunch of people contact me, but ive never done the sugar baby thing, and feel nervous, what if they are a murderer? does anyone have any advice? i came to this site after a failed traditional relationship too and am looking for something light, rewarding, exciting, and different. any girls got any advice on how to stay safe and what to do?

  84. rebecca says:

    i’m a girl who would like a sugar mommy to start, that would be fun

  85. TuSweet says:

    I would LOVE to have a Sugar Momma..

  86. asianNYCbaby says:

    @AnnaMW: At this point, I don’t trust him at all. How can you really trust somebody you met for just an hour. I just wanted to hear what others think of the situation in case I was over analyzing things. Thanks for sharing your opinion! :-) Would love to hear more from other SB’s and a SD’s point of view would really help as well.

  87. ContentSB says:

    @asianNYCbaby — I agree with AnnaMW. I like arrangements to develop similar to relationships. Sometimes that can be fast-tracked by a few dates, but personally I wouldn’t be comfortable with any man (SD or not) pushing me that quickly. I don’t think a true gentleman would act that way. Bottom line: sounds like a John to me! Trust your gut instinct! Let us know what you decide to do :)

  88. ContentSB says:

    @Mimi — Exactly. Sometimes when a man looks so frequently it can feel uncomfortable. What could he possibly be looking at that often??

  89. AnnaMW says:

    @Rebecca – I came to SA for a lot of the same reasons so I totally understand…

    Arrangements can be great, but my best advice is to follow the same rules you would to in regular dating situations….. Don’t date guys you aren’t attracted to, only talk to guys that are respectful and treat you like a lady (but not a princess) and never, ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

    I have a lot of information for you about safety, identifying fakes, etc. The blog moderators can put us in touch if you’re interested.

  90. AnnaMW says:

    @asian – Any guy that tries to rush you into bed before you’re comfortable is a creep!

    There are enough girls here who advertise that they are fine with ‘sessions’ or ‘p4p’. I don’t see why those guys won’t just talk to them instead.

  91. brendan says:

    im looking for a sugar mommy :)

  92. brendan says:

    needs some help finding a beautiful woman looking for a good young man to have fun and take good care of her needs

  93. Treasured says:

    A charming message I got, when I kindly declined the invitation to join a person on his yacht for free for a weekend.

    “Honey, the subject is you are kindly begging for money to have a possible sex with man..THAT IS THE SUBJECT…

    By the way do not comment on my abilities because it is beyond your limitations..

    I don’t deal with prostitutes..Thats it…..I suggest you to use your skills and your brain instead of showing and marketing yourself on the dating sites and kindly begging dollars and cents for sex tourism….Fuck off… ”

    What is the mentioned person doing replying on my VERY CLEAR profile, I have absolutely no idea :D

  94. Treasured says:

    PS: Declined on the reason, that the mentioned person is not comfortable with a monthly allowance, what I am looking for :)

  95. Anna Molly says:

    I think being a Sugar Momma would be fun! A nice change of pace….maybe one of these days. :)

  96. FLFunSB says:

    @AsianNYCbaby I completely agree with @AnnaMW sounds like a John to me and their are plenty of them on the site. Also it takes time to weed through the good ones just like Im sure it takes time for the SD’s to find the good ones. :-)

    @Alleycat THANKS! Please criticize me, I am sure I could improve some way or another. I like to improve in all areas of my life. :-)

    FLFunSB- 859960

  97. VanillaSugar says:

    @ContentSB–”Ladies — Do you ever have a man who looks at your profile daily (never messages) and it gets to the point where it’s borderline creepy?”

    Yes!!! It is sooo creepy…One guy I actually initiated convo because we were around the same age, lived in the same area, and he seemed really cool..he was also cute lol..But he asked to see my pics, I showed him, and nothing lol. I just figured I wasn’t his type..but still, he looks at my profile every other day…Another man actually messaged me, I messaged back, and nothing. But he checks out my profile everyday. Another creep, that actually stood me up is still looking, but I have no idea why b/c he can forget it!

  98. Anna Molly says:

    You know, I just wrote an epic novel here and I hit the wrong button and it erased EVERYTING!!! I’m so pissed!!! Seriously, It was good…something worth publishing and I’m not one to boast! Really! It was ( in summary) about me and my BF whom I met here. I just wanted to say that SA is for real and that with a little patients we ALL can find the right person. Granted, My SD and I have moved on from SD/SB to BF/GF, but, in all reality, that’s what I was really looking for. When you come to a site like SA, the first thing you have to do is take an evaluation. What am I really looking for? Well, after a long hiatus and many hours of self anylization, what I really wanted was someone who I connnected with on a deeper level, someone I could see myself spending A LOT of time with, someone who I wouldn’t be afraid to say “I love you” to and not get the boot because of it!!! I need TRUE companionship. I didn’t need it because it was bought, or bribed or anything of that nature. Sure, there are things I need, but, that wasn’t in the forefront as it had been….it was in the back of my mind. I was in the midst of giving up, really, what was here at SA for me? There was nothing here that I really needed or wanted! I didn’t need money, although it would have been nice, I was doing okay on my own. I didn’t need luxuries, I went without them before and was okay, so, why did I need them now? The truth of the matter was, I needed love, someone to love me, someone to care! I just wanted that feeling, that feeling to be needed and wanted! I wanted to feel sexy again, and, that is what my now BF has done for me! Not only does he TRULY care for me, he makes me feel so sexy and AMAZING! When I’m not with him I feel lost, like a ship without a sail, really and he has expressed to me that he hasn’t felt this way about anyone EVER eventhough he has been married for almost 30 years. I don’t see age or physical appearance as a prerequisite…what’s the point? They are still the same person (more or less) they were years ago and if they treat me well, I’m attracted to them because of it, who the hell cares how old they are or if they have 20lbs to loose? Really?All I know is that I’m more than happy, I’m extatic,,,I’m over the moon and so is he! He has expressed it to me! We have talked about moving in together, getting a house on Nantucet ( he already has one, but, we want one togther, something that has MY touch) we have so many plans! I want this to work, but, I also know that life is a sick bitch and what will work will work so whether I have a week or the rest of my life, I will cherish it. We should all cherish what we have! We are breathing, and alive! What a blessing! Sure, it may suck sometimes, but, who the hell cares?! It’s YOUR life, no one elses and you should do with it what you want! Whether it’s finding the right SD or a Soul Mate, do with it what YOU want, do what makes YOU happy! I’ve leaned that oh so quickly, eventhough it’s taken me a while! LOL!!! Trust me, all you youngin’s out there, when you get to be my age…(although I’m not THAT OLD I’m only 36) time flys the older you get, so live it up!) you can have have doubts and regrets. TRUST ME, you don’t want to have doubts and regrets! You want to look back on your life and say “Hey! I did what I know was right for me at the time. I had fun. I worked hard, and I’m happy because of it! So, all in all, (I have no idea where this is coming from or going…lol) have fun, don’t give up, SA has been a “GOD SEND” for me anyway, and have faith and confidence in yourself! Whether you’re looking for a soul mate or a SD, what is meant to be will be! You’re here for a reason! Why give up? Just because you have caught “Donald Trump” so to speak in a month doesn’t mean something wonderful won’t happen! Keep goning! Keep trying! You never know what’s around the corner. :)

    Have a good weekend,
    Anna Molly
    xoxo

  99. Anna Molly says:

    Not have caught, but, haven’t caught……..sorry for the typo. :)

  100. Tiff says:

    I just want to be taken care of! Is that too much to ask??

  101. NC Gent says:

    Tiff — it depends upon what “taken care of” means — that can mean different things to different people and have a widely varying dollar amount associated with it. Also, as with any arrangement, your SD will like to have his needs met also. All a balancing act and negotiation. Also, it can be tough to completely rely on an SD given the longevity of sugar relationships. Best wishes in your adventure.

  102. Anna Molly says:

    Tiff ~ What does taken care of mean to you? It may mean several things to several different people! :)

  103. ContentSB says:

    @Anna Molly — love, love, LOVE your post!! You seem so joyous and completely in love :) Your positive outlook is so refreshing and absolutely wonderful to read. I’m very happy you found your dream man….but I hope naughty molly keeps her dungeon open for business too ;)

  104. AnnaMW says:

    @FLFunSB – I love your profile! The “innocence will capture you” part is brilliant and you come across as a very happy and positive person. Kudos!

    The only thing that I would change is that “athletic” can be seen as a euphemism for “overweight”, so if you are height/weight proportionate and not overweight, you may want to change your body type to “slim”. “Open-Negotiable” profiles tend to get the most responses so good call there as well if volume is what you’re looking for.

    @AnnaMolly – I love sugar success stories! <3 Thanks for posting.

  105. xavier says:

    hi my name is xavier i am new to this and im looking for a SUGERMOMMA
    my Profile Number 1050071
    feel free to HIT ME UP :)

  106. Jeff_NC says:

    This is off-topic, but I am LMFAO and just had to share. Rule #1 for SB profile photos – don’t have a guy getting dressed behind you when you take the pic. Profile #1057493.

  107. VA83 says:

    Why can’t I pull up any of these profile #s to see them :(

  108. bav says:

    I would like to hear of other womens experiences, apart from the one above put recently, generally who are looking for a non NSA relationship. As this is what I am interested. Also can someone tell me why a male person does not want to send a photograph prior to meeting.

  109. FLFunSB says:

    @AnnaMW thanks so much for the Feedback. I really am athletic LOL I’m not slim nor fat I’m ugh muscular :-( I hate it. I played sports my whole life and my body was build like a gymnast. I will go ahead and change it! Thanks!

    FLFunSB- 859960

  110. FLFunSB says:

    *built

  111. flyr says:

    @bav “Also can someone tell me why a male person does not want to send a photograph prior to meeting.”

    Possibles a) married b) high profile c) on the sex offender list.d) not comfortable here

    Perhaps look for preponderance of evidence he is ok a) picture, b) real name c) he is findable by google linked in etc d) phone d)employer, The key is that he shares with the reason with you.

  112. AnnaMW says:

    @FLFunSB – I’m athletic looking too… I’m a size 2 and my jean size is 26 but I’m curvy and have muscular arms and legs from athletics as well. Slim but definitely not waifish. Good luck with your search!! Again, loved your profile. You seem like a cool chick.

  113. AnnaMW says:

    @Jeff – The shirtless guy in the background is pretty comical.

  114. AnnaMW says:

    My favorite is when people post pictures of them and their children and crop out their kids faces… Hahahaha

  115. bav says:

    @flyr. Thanks for your view.
    He wantes to meet. But when I ask to see a photo of his. It does not look like its forthcoming.

    @flyr “The key is that he shares with the reason with you
    Can I ask please what do you precisely mean?

  116. flyr says:

    @bav
    “Can I ask please what do you precisely mean?”

    He should have a very plausible reason for not providing a picture. Your antenna should be on full gain looking for any inconsistencies, A skilled interrogator will ask the same question several ways and expand on questions raised by the answers without appearing to be boring in.

    If he tells you that you do not need a picture, he’s right as your discussions should end. Otherwise I would want a very good and probably verifiable reason and make a big red circle around this issue as being unresolved.

    The exchange of emails and phone calls should be social AND should be your due diligence focused on answering the two most pressing questions – are there substantial reasons to believe that investment of further time and involvement is warranted and more importantly is there anything that signals danger or someone looking for that which you do not intend to share. It can be done in a positive manner with leading questions rather than the stern interrogator.

    There are lots of women here whose primary interest is the pictures of dead presidents in his wallet. He may be accustomed to getting away without a photo. If this is the attitude he may be doing you a favor.

    “Jim, we have had several email exchanges and a very nice phone call. I am interested but I am having a difficult time understanding why when we seem to have a lot in common, you are unwilling to send me a picture? ”

    (translated – you are about to lose the opportunity to meet the woman who could make your dreams come true, are you really this stupid?)

  117. flyr says:

    @asianNYCbaby “Lol! I need the wisdom ”

    The suggestion that you get a room 5 minutes into the first meeting is lust at first sight or a desire to save on the second round of drinks.

    The test first , details later should be a red flag unless that’s what you both want. The counter argument is that after a few hours with you he will be hooked and resistance futile. Ask yourself if the connection is just physical if he is likely to become bored after a month or two and are you OK with that.

    I think you know what most of the women here would tell you…………… but I will let them do that directly.

  118. bav says:

    @flyr. Thanks

  119. FLFunSB says:

    @AnnaMW How can you view SB profiles :-( I can’t but want to lol. Or are you male and I was confused lol.

  120. Candy says:

    Test

  121. Ariana says:

    @FLFunSB how long did it take you to find your first SD?

  122. flyr says:

    @FLFunSB – AnnaMW is F (100%) and endowed with the power and intellect to find profiles

  123. Jack says:

    To the athletic women on here (and on SA in general),

    For whatever it is worth, “athletic” is by far my favorite “look” for a woman. I don’t mean the exaggerated “bodybuilder” look–but nice tone and definition in the muscles is a turn on for me. I have no ideas how other guys feel, but that’s my two cents worth. To me, the thin anorexic look is not a positive.

    And you can be “athletic” looking and yet totally feminine. Those two are often complementary, not contradictory.

    And to FLFun SB–your bikini pic is awesome. If THAT is what “athletic” looking looks like, I like it even more!

    Of course, if an SB has posted body pics (as I think all women with a nice body should do if they want to maximize male attention on SA), then the term you use to define yourself is less important than what your picture shows.

    Key rule of marketing ANYTHING–including yourself– IS don’t just TELL me, SHOW me.

    Jack

  124. VA83 says:

    I can’t get seekingarrangement or seekingmillionaire to pop up any more. Is any one else having trouble besides me?

  125. flyr says:

    VA-83 SA may be running very slow.

  126. Victoria says:

    I think the idea of being a sugar mama is not very appealing to most women in general. I definitely wouldn’t like to be supporting a guy. I mean, having a guy by my side knowing he is with me just because I am paying for everything… not a turn on at all. There is something sleazy about a guy dating an older woman for money. Madonna with Brazilian model Jesus Luz, was creepy. Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher (when he was poor and unknown) made her look desperate. Britney with Federline…. ha, made her look like an idiot.

    Unfortunately, the opposite IS hot (except for Hugh Hefner dating a 20 year old). A distinguished 45 year old with a hot 25 year old is very hot. A 45 year old cougar with a 25 year old stud is nothing more than a desperate act.

  127. NicoleNC says:

    @bav I haven’t run into anyone who has NOT provided a picture before meeting and I have met with some high-profile men (elected officials (just asking for a scandal, right?), prominent CEOs and yes in most cases they were married). Now most of them did prefer to email pictures to my personal email address, but no one refused to send a photo. Actually, quite the opposite, most offered without me asking. A gentleman will understand that you want to see his face…not to mention, if for some reason you do not come home, PLEASE have a print out of his face somewhere for someone to find…just a safety thing! And if he looks nothing like his picture when you meet him…RUN!

    @asianNYCbaby Sweetie he sounds like a John. I’ve only met with one potential SD who seemed to have a legitimate argument for not stretching out the “meet & greet”….He was long distance and was looking for a travel companion.Said he was fine not having sex on the first date (fine but not thrilled about it), but since he was only looking for an SB to travel with him once a month….waiting three dates would mean waiting three months for sex….and that wasn’t going to work for him. LOL.

    BTW, to all the newbies…I haven’t been around long but trust your gut and be patient. My first potential offered me what I thought was a generous allowance but it had a hooker feel to it. So I passed. Im glad I did…Im now in serious talks with three potentials whose allowance offers are double the first potential and they treat me with great respect. It takes a lot of time, a good profile and a lot of luck…but don’t sell yourself short (no pun intended! :))

  128. Victoria says:

    @NicoleNC: “My first potential offered me what I thought was a generous allowance but it had a hooker feel to it”

    This line made me chuckle. Just curious to know, why did it feel that way? Did he throw the money on the table or something?

  129. NicoleNC says:

    “Did he throw the money on the table or something?”

    Almost! We met for lunch in the middle of the day. After lunch, I assumed the date was over and politely went to kiss him goodbye. He kissed me like a dog in heat, grabbed me by the waist and told me he had the cash with him…we could go back to his house right then!

    Considering we hadn’t even talked on the phone but 2 minutes and hadn’t really emailed much…it was hellafied crazy to think that after one hour of lunch I was going to his home….

    I wasn’t quite sure how things worked in the sugar world but he wasn’t going to be playing in my candyland that day! LOL

  130. Victoria says:

    @NicoleNC: “He kissed me like a dog in heat, grabbed me by the waist and told me he had the cash with him…”

    Holy cow… Yes, I can clearly imagine the scene. If I were you I would have said to him ” I’m glad you got the cash with you right now, and want me to go home with you. It shows me you are real….. A real douche bag.” :)

  131. Manuel says:

    Wish I could find my special someone to share a few moments with… Hard luck here so fat.

  132. ashley says:

    St Petersburg, Florida<3 (:

  133. ashley says:

    883357 here is my profile number. Again st. Petersburg, Florida. (:

  134. NicoleNC says:

    @Victoria…you are too funny!

  135. Darlene says:

    wondering if anyone has heard of a 45 year old sugar baby?

  136. FLFunSB says:

    @Ariana My 1st SD wasn’t from the site. The 2nd it took me about 4months on the site. I deleted my profile and after 2years I am back on the site. I have been searching for 6 months. Im convinced they don’t make SD’s like they used too! LOL I have been on plenty of dates on here but if I get a weird feeling ( a john) or don’t see a future, I don’t even contact them back.

    @Flyr dang I can’t view SB and Im was a paralegal and pretty good on the computer. (Unless she has a SD profile too) lol

    @Jack thanks, my picture is my best asset lol.

  137. Midwest SB says:

    Darlene – I’m one! Just received a very nice, personalized e-mail. We shall see!

    NicoleNC – Ugh…what a creep. I despise men who can’t behave like a gentleman. NEXT!

    Victoria – There are younger men who prefer older women and have genuine relationships. Please don’t judge.

    FLFun- Your profile is nicely written and the bikini would stop any guy in his tracks. FYI – to see other SBs profiles, preview yours, then replace your profile ID with the one you wish to see. It’s a little workaround.

    Hello all!!! It’s late and I’m off. Happy Weekend!

  138. Victoria says:

    @NicoleNC: I don’t take life seriously! :)

    @Midwest: Yes, they are men who like to date older women. However, they always have a young one on the side. Ask my father.

  139. SincereSD says:

    @Alleycat
    From what you’ve said here about your new friend, she seems to be short on money. Anyone who is, in your words, receiving “a combination of GI Bill, child support, state unemployment and $ from her parents has everything covered, including fulltime flying school” is not financially self sufficient and definitely needs money, even she may not be asking directly.

    I think you will be shocked the wages pilots make until they move up the ranks. It’s been well documented that regional pilots work for low wages and minimal benefits. I seem to recall a crash in NY state 2 years ago due to pilot fatigue. The crew was overworked and sleeping in airports during layovers because they could not afford to stay in even the economy 2 star hotels.

    Google the following article in WSJ, “Pilot Pay: Want To Know How Much Your Captain Earns?”. BTW, the pilot that crashed made $16,000/year according to the Congress investigation.

    Since she didn’t ask directly for money, I think any gesture from you would be greatly appreciated by her.

  140. SincereSD says:

    From previous blog …

    @ Midwest SB
    I’ve been staying low key, busy with life and sugar. Haven’t contacted Blue-eyed Beauty as I haven’t been searching for the past 8 months.

    Sound like you are doing well. Met up with Colorado socially when she was here in March on business. Miss the comradery of the early bloggers and I still keep in touch with some of them although infrequently.

    @ SD Guru
    Thanks for the welcome. I’ve popped in occasionally but haven’t been able to add value as the threads were well addressed. Still making the same mistakes and I think my modus operandi needs to change.

    @ Blue Eyed Beauty
    I’m in the GWN although 2 states across from you (call me a detective to figure that one). We haven’t been in contact as I keep my profile hidden even when I’m searching (and I already have my hands full with my current princess SB).

  141. flyr says:

    @nicole “I wasn’t quite sure how things worked in the sugar world but he wasn’t going to be playing in my candyland that day! LOL”

    a classic……………….

  142. bella says:

    @md007 it doesn’t surprise me that she won’t take any money from you,well firstly,your young you being 35?her 22 not much of an age difference ,then to top it up your successful,who would say no to that,the problem is and whether we want to accept it or not,if we all new these men would settle like in Anna molly’s case,that would be fine,but who wants to waste time with someone you wouldn’t normally date in real life(yes some people want to duck when out with their older sd’s,yep iv read so many blogs),now some will bash me for saying this but most sb’s blog about it,if given a choice they would never be caught dead with someone nearly twice their age(bitter truth) and yes some sb’s have asked for nothing with the hope the sd would marry them.Again i hate it when guys have issues with women wanting whatever they want from their partner,be it money or presents,yet almost every time they the men expect sex,i would bet you anything that half the men complaining about women wanting things could hardly cope if sex was eliminated,men need to realise that most women are turned on by these thing,just as most men can’t cope without sex,yes it’s orgasmic to have these things or have the man support ,am yet to hear of someone young who has settled with a poor older man…maybe for a visa lol
    Excuse my english,it’s not my first language ;-)

  143. Yazmin says:

    Hey can you ladies help me out?
    i havent had any luck on here.
    what am i doing wrong? check out my profile

  144. bav says:

    I am looking for non NSA reltionship. I have been here for 2 months. But nothing serious have cropped up. One as I said is shy of sending his god damn photo prior to me agreeing to meet him. Forget him. I would like to hear of othe womens experience who are in similar situation to me, apart from ones above.

  145. Midwest SB says:

    Guys – There aren’t any sugar mommas on the blog. Sign up on SA and put up an ad that would be appealing to a successful woman please <3

    Happy Sunday sugars!

    A little favor to all you sugars who have flown to an unfamiliar city (with or without children) to meet a pot SD for the first time. Could you please share your experiences (good and bad)? I was contacted offline and want her to remain anonymous while learning from you. Thanks!

  146. Victoria says:

    I flew to Houston and to Miami to meet SDs. Both experiences were great. We exchanged pictures, talked on the phone, texts and emailed each other for at least a month before meeting. Miami guy was not as rich as he told me he was, but was still very generous. Houston, was a little pushy but a great guy overall. They bought my tickets, so of course I had to tell them my full name. I got their full name and addresses as well before flying to meet them. Safety first, I checked their names, address and phone numbers on Intellius to make sure they were real. Overall, it was a great experience. I told friends were I was going and they checked on me by phone and email while I was away. I never had any problems.

  147. Ariana says:

    Do any of you have the basic profile or is it worth it to get the premium profile? And does it make a difference in finding a SD?

  148. Jeff_NC says:

    @VA83: You asked for advice about your profile, so I will offer this. From a man’s perspective, the category “a few extra pounds” is a little scary. A lot of men are ok with “a few,” but we have learned that this is sometimes a euphemism for “many, many.” I suggest you include a full body shot, dressed in something modest and classy, to alleviate any fears in your potential matches.

  149. NicoleNC says:

    @Midwest SB Would you be kind enough to contact me offline?…I have question that only an experienced SB would be able to answer. Due to the nature of the question, it would not be appropriate to post here as it would violate my potential SD’s privacy….and possibly my anonymity. :)

  150. AnnaMW says:

    @ FLFun – Go to view your own profile and at the top, you will see your own profile number in the web address. Delete it and replace it with the profile you would like to view. Voila!

    Thanks for establishing that I am female… YES, in fact I am. :-)

    @SincereSD – Thank you for making that point. Domestic pilots are broke, and GI Bill, child support and unemployment are not only unremarkable income sources, they are also temporary. If I were an older, established man I would feel sorry if the woman in my life (out of college, etc) were taking money from her parents.

    @ Victoria – What about JLo and Casper? I think they’re kind of hot together. Some of the reverse scenarios kind of gross me out too, like Nick Cage and his wife. Or that scary guy from Lost who married the 16 year old. :-)

  151. CALILUV says:

    HELLOOOO SUGER WORLD… MY FRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT THIS.. IM AM IN TO OLDER WOMEN YOUNG GIRLS JUS DONT DO IT FOR ME..

  152. Victoria says:

    @AnnaMW: Well, JLo looks 28, so even if she dates a younger man, she looks hot anyway. JLo doesn’t look like an old woman trying to be young, like Madonna. OMG, that creepy guy that married the 16 year old yeah, that was creepy as hell LOL; But the 16 year old girl looked like 35 tho!! Lindsey Lohan and Miley Cyrus are other two young girls who look 35.

    I think overall when the age difference is clearly too much, it is not hot, regardless of sex. But specifically for women when she looks much older than the guy, it just looks trashy. Not trying to judge, it is just reality. Madonna and Jesus Luz for example was just a disaster. He eventually dumped her for a young lady.

  153. Victoria says:

    @CALILUV: Good for you. But if you REALLY like older women, why are you in an arrangement site?

  154. Midwest SB says:

    Victoria – At 45, I’m on this site and I’ve had successes. I don’t consider myself older, but to a 44 y.o. I suppose I am :-) There’s someone for everyone here. Sugar isn’t just for the 20-somethings. We have a LOT to offer.

    NicoleNC – I’ll send you an e-mail in a few.

  155. flyr says:

    @MidwestSB “Sugar isn’t just for the 20-somethings. We have a LOT to offer.”

    I’m probably headed for detention but …………………………………………..

    For those in their 20s who are wondering how men could find 40 plus year old women more desirable I have bad news and good news.

    The bad news for the younger set is that, even with an advanced degree from the Lewinsky Charm School, SB’s in their mid 30s and later are probably better lovers. Why, because their charms, intellect and sensuality have blended into a great woman to be with before during and after. She’s generally at peace with who she is and where she is going, even if the going is tough. She is generally more honest with herself and those she is with. She is probably more likely to attract a true mentor because she can relate to him on multiple levels.

    The good news is that if you grow with your age, you can follow in their path. You can be an even more desirable SB for two , three or four decades, if you choose to be.

    Over the years I have been blessed with some SB’s in their 20s who were wonderful. However, I don’t need the affirmation of arm candy to Hollywood standards. I want a real woman and that generally takes some years beyond 20..

  156. Victoria says:

    @Midwest & Flyr: Well, I do believe ladies over 30 are better lovers etc etc. My point is when younger men date older women for money and these women pay these men to be with them. That is what makes the whole thing trashy. Again, Madonna for example… according to the tabloids, she was giving Luz, 10 K a month allowance. Was Luz with Madonna because she is a better lover? I doubt….

    When a 45 year old men dates a 45 year old woman, is hot. When a 65 year old men dates a 45 year old woman, it is still hot. But when this 45 year old gal pays a 25 year old guy to be with her…. maybe is just me, but it is just plain desperate in my humble 23 year old opinion. :)

  157. flyr says:

    @Victoria – no argument here. ………………………………………………

  158. Kenneth says:

    @victoria Most of the sugar momma i have had are working almost 24 hours a day and need relaxation from work,and no relationship drama to add to the stress. I think Madonna is retarded for paying anyone to be with her because there are many men out there that would be with her just to say they were with Madonna. But the thing about paying the guy is that there are a few of us out there that know what we are doing in the bedroom and that is priceless. If i told you i could make you feel like you have smoked a pound of weed, taken extasy and constantly organism-ing for 5 minutes straight? what kinda of price can you put on pure pleasure and what is 100 dollars a month allowance when you make 100k a year versus 10k a month making 10 million a year?

  159. Treasured says:

    Note to all Sugars: Do not ever meet with a SD who is not certain what he is looking for. 24 hours wasted flying to meet a SD who wanted one thing but then changed his mind.

  160. Kenneth says:

    @Midwest SB I have an experience for you. I met someone online, not this site. I am still not approved yet for my sugarbaby status pending the 24 hour approval. I was offered a flight to meet a sugarmomma to go on vacation with after talking to her for a few months. I told everyone i was going on vacation with a friend and i would call and text daily, turns out she invited me to go on her family vacation to their beach house. her husband was there, her kids were there, he kids friends were there and here i am wondering what everyone is thinking…long story short her husband hates me kids despise me and she still talks to me daily after 2 and a half years. some sugar parents just need someone in their lives and are more afraid of you then you are of them. just be honest about your comfort level and speak up. if your not comfortable with something tell them and suggest an alternative after offering you a plane ticket they are already invested enough to entertain other ways of meeting you…maybe a weekend cruise with alot of people on the boat.

  161. bav says:

    @flyr
    To the person who refuses to send photo, but talked about wanting to meet. He lies he has sent it. Its apparent its a lie as I receive everyone elses email. I found out he had lied about something else. I am going to mail on site to him that I am not interested. That I think is the right decision. I presume you agree?

  162. Victoria says:

    @Kenneth: “the thing about paying the guy…. is that there are a few of us out there that know what we are doing in the bedroom and that is priceless.”

    OK, so we are assuming Madonna was paying Jesus Luz because he was not only hot but also the best sex she ever had…. Hmmmm. It’s all clear to me now. Hey Ken can I have test drive? :)

  163. Victoria says:

    I’ll get you a plane ticket Ken and I promise, no family vacation or husband here! LOL

  164. flyr says:

    @bev “To the person who refuses to send photo, but talked about wanting to meet. He lies he has sent it. Its apparent its a lie as I receive everyone elses email. I found out he had lied about something else. I am going to mail on site to him that I am not interested. That I think is the right decision. I presume you agree?”

    It’s not uncommon for stuff to get lost or to fail on the send. HOWEVER, the honest reaction is for the sender to offer to resend. Unless you are planning to meet somewhere very easy to get to, very secure, are willing to accept the lie and have nothing better do to it’s time for a nice note saying you are “moving in a different direction”. After that point ignore additional mail.

    The universal escape/termination allows the receiver to think whatever he wants, that you found a better sd, that you do not get involved without confidence in the honesty of the person, that you found him on a sex offender roster, or that you have cold feet. Don’t be spooked if he continues to call up your profile once in a while.

    Your mission is to terminate the contact, not punish the errant SD and get on with your search. Be thankful you made the discovery early rather than after getting involved. .

  165. Ann says:

    This blog definitely makes for a good reading :).

    Interesting points of views on here about the age difference. I’m 19- and that doesn’t seem to be working to my advantage. I understand the reluctance because, i’ll admit, some most 19 year old are terribly immature and full of drama. And understandably so, we’re young.

    But i’m not. I’ve always gotten along better with people decades older than I am. I’m an old soul in that way. I’ve been called focused, classy, mature and sophisticated, and not just for my age. But by any standards. And I do genuinely prefer older men for the same qualities. Not because I have daddy issues or any of that psychological mumbo jumbo.

    I guess my question here is how do I play my age to my advantage? Any advice from you seasoned sugars would be great.

  166. flyr says:

    @Ann

    Pretty much just expand the ideas you have expressed and focus on your target group. Write so that they will feel comfortable responding. If you are close to 20 I might fudge the couple of months but be sure to mention it fairly early in your conversations.

    Text and photos should be focused on the target market.

    Play your youth to your advantage – most men recall the beautiful young girl they let get away…. be that, with brains and class, capable of restoring the lost opportunity.

  167. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Can anyone speak to gifts received (cash or otherwise) from SDs and how that relates to possible reduction in support payments of my children’s father? I keep it secret but he’s starting to notice a few things and asking questions, as I’ve been able to purchase higher end birthday presents for children etc.

  168. Kenneth says:

    @victoria Profile Number 1065502 Anytime, lol but you have to promise you wont stop after the first few hours in, it only gets better afterwards… you also have to take into account the mentality of both people, maybe there was something missing in her life that he put back in or she just really wanted to help him. although 10,000 a month is more then a few ceo’s ,dr.s and 70 hour a week over time workers make that i know so I cant justify Madonna spending that much or how he could even spend that much but when you have more money then reasons to spend, then you find other reasons i guess

  169. SD Guru says:

    @Treasured
    “Do not ever meet with a SD who is not certain what he is looking for. 24 hours wasted flying to meet a SD who wanted one thing but then changed his mind.”

    I’m sorry to hear about your experience. Could you elaborate with a bit more details please. How long did you correspond with him and how much screening did you do before the trip? How did it come out that he changed his mind, and how did you leave things with him? Take a look at “Travel Guidelines for SB’s” in the Tips section to the right.

    @Kenneth
    “turns out she invited me to go on her family vacation to their beach house. her husband was there, her kids were there…”

    That sounds like a disaster and it makes no sense. Did you ask her why she’d put you in such an uncomfortable situation?

    @newbies looking for advice: Take a look at this post I wrote back in January.

  170. Kenneth says:

    @ blueeyed beauty tell him you have a boyfriend or that your seeing someone if you want to. what gifts or cash you receive are no concern of his unless your making 100k a year and still want him to pay child support then that just cruel. but if your just being well taken care of then legally you have not made more taxable income so your still in the same situation to those that matter. He can not make it so he pays less because your significant other takes very good care of you, what if you break up or stop seeing that guy, then you cant continue to get that pay. nothing is ever promised for tomorrow so carpe diem and enjoy yourself while you are able. i hope this helped.

  171. Kenneth says:

    @sd guru yes she though i would get along with her family very well i was introduced as her friend. by that time i guess i was, her husband is a top financial personnel for several school districts and colleges and is in the finance field and deals with money like i want to makes about 275,000 a year and her kids treat her like shit and everyone does their own thing at the beach leaving her to cook and clean and no be able to enjoy herself so she invited me to keep her company. my photos are from that event on my profile. everyone though i was a country hick with no education and trying to mooch off their vacation even though i helped the older son graduate high school, unbeknownst to him, and helped everyone in the family one way or the other so she wanted to see if they would except be for being a nice guy and wanting to help…nope they are all to selfish and self absorbed to give me any chance of anything.

  172. Kenneth says:

    @SD Guru I noticed this is the only blog with information pertaining to sugar mommas. are there other places one can get information on the best approach or how to make your profile differ from other profiles. there is alot of SD things and not enough SM things

  173. flyr says:

    @blueeyedbaby – u have mail

  174. Ann says:

    @flyr I actually very recently turned 19 so I can’t play the almost 20 angle, unfortunately. Everything else definitely does help though so thanks!

    *Sigh* Time to edit my profile description- yet again.

    I’m such a new

  175. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    thank you flyr :-)

  176. Treasured says:

    @SD Guru – I am not going to go into details what exactly happened (because it is private between me and the person). But, he is legit (I did a background check beforehand), we talked for quite some time (and not a single time he even made a suggestion he wanted something different).
    All ended well (he was a gentleman enough to book an earlier flight for me, when things went slightly downhill) and generally was ok. Just was a waste of time.

    As to travel guidelines, do not worry :D I am a big girl, and had all his details left with my friend, to whom I also had to report on a regular intervals and even if something would have gone wrong, and I would be made to tell my friend that everything is still ok, he would have known it is not, as I would have used the word “normale” instead of “normal” (not that word, but just an example ;) )
    So I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be killed and my body dumped in the woods :D

    Just, one more time, sugars: ask as many questions as possible beforehand. Even if the person is avoiding the subject :)

  177. Ariana says:

    Is it easier or better to find a SM/SD on here han going to an upscale lounge/ night club?

  178. tex_1983 says:

    I need a sugar Momma!

  179. Midwest SB says:

    Kenneth – I LOVE hearing your point of view! I honestly think you are the first successful male SB I’ve heard share his stories. As for her situation…it looks like she made the most of it and you made her forget about her reality for a while. Sounds like the true definition of sugar :-)

    Ann – One issue may be that you are not old enough to drink. Many SDs like to enjoy a bottle of wine, etc with their lady. I’m sure no SD wants to explain providing alcohol to someone who is not 21 should they get pulled over for some random reason…especially anyone who is married. I’ve seen many profiles of men who don’t drink, so perhaps you can try a little filtering in that direction when you do your searches. Flyer offered some great advice as well and he’s a great profile proofreader! Finding an SD takes many months for most people, so don’t feel bad that it’s taking a while.

    Ariana – I guess it depends on if you have access to a large, wealthy clientele and if you can finesse your way into some events catering to the wealthy. I’d say try both and let us know how it works out!

    NicoleNC – E-mail en route very soon!

    Happy Monday Sugars!

  180. FLFunSB says:

    @BEB. The same thing happened to me! My sons dad was asking how I could take my son on a cruise, how I bought him a laptop and just recently a play station 3. I told him it really is no concern to him unless I was an unfit mother or on drugs (which is none of the above). He asked my mother and all my mother thinks is I am dating someone wealthy who likes to see me and my son happy, which is a true statement. My mother just doesn’t know all the details LOL.

    FLFunSB- 859960

  181. Midwest SB says:

    BEB – The tax burden is on the SD, so you don’t have to report any gift income. Therefore, you don’t have to disclose anything. It’s none of his business…he should just be happy you can provide your children with nice gifts. If he asks, the wealthy boyfriend explanation works just fine.

  182. angel says:

    i would like to meet a sugar moma:)im in a position right now i am a struggling artist from denver,co i need help getting recording studio equipment and help getting back to school look me up im under philos denim on fb thnx!

  183. Victoria says:

    Regarding cash gifts and taxes…. I ask my sugar daddies to give me a 1099. It would be hard to explain to the IRS where those extra 40 or 50K a year came from coming through my checking account without a 1099. Unless you are paying for everything in cash… be careful with the amount of money coming through your account, especially if your ex-husbands asks for an audit in court. If you have to show your income, and money coming through your checking account to a judge….be ready to have a reasonable explanation other than “a rich boyfriend”.

  184. Victoria says:

    The last thing you want is a judge asking you in court if you are a “sex worker”… LOL LOL

  185. Charming SB says:

    Hello to all. I’ve been following the blog for a while and this is my first post. I am brand new to the sugar world and have gotten cold feet before even starting. To hopefully ease my skepticism, I have some serious questions that I’d like answered from both SBs and SDs. They are as follows:

    1.) I seek an exclusive, long-term arrangement–something that will last for years. What are your recommendations for finding this type of SD and keeping his interest and monagomy? Is it even possible and realistic to expect monogamy from a SD anyway being that it is NSA?

    I’d like for SBs and SDs that have had success in long-term arrangements to share their stories and secrets. Please include what made it a success or why it lasted as long as it did. How long was the arrangement? Was the term/length of the arrangement predetermined or discussed beforehand? Why did it end (if it has)?

    2.) This may seem like an elementary question, but what differences can I expect from a NSA relationship compared to a conventional one? I was under the impression that sugar dating involved being pursued by men of a higher caliber where both parties are open and honest about needs and expectations, and ladies are treated like they’re supposed to be treated. But from most of the horror stories I’ve read it can be as unpredictable, dishonest, and devastating as conventional dating – which seems worse to me. I need clarity.

    3.) I’ve noticed that most stories throughout the blog involve sex very early; as soon as the first date or after a few. Is this the standard in the sugar world? This makes me uncomfortable and question whether or not this is something that I can pursue to be frank. I have to have genuine feelings for someone to even consider it, which takes time. Are there any long-term experiences where sex is not a factor (or an immediate one) and the arrangement is based solely on companionship or at least explored much later down the road, like after a few months? Sex doesn’t seem to happen organically in this type of situation based on some of the things I’ve read. What’s ‘moving too fast or slow’ in the sugar world?

    4.) Furthermore, how can a SB ensure that her SD holds up his end of the arrangement, especially in a long-term situation? I can only imagine there being stories of SBs becoming intimate only to get the short end of the stick if you know what I mean. Can you guys share your experiences–good and bad?

    5.) There were some suggestions regarding receiving money. I didn’t see this alternative, but I’d like to add that most major banks including Chase, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America, now offer an option that’ll allow a person to send money to a recipient just using a phone number or email address. This way, you don’t have to give out your account number; which brings me to my next concern.

    6.) Let’s talk about gift income: If a SB gets money in any form other than cash (i.e. PayPal, Western Union, deposit into a DDA, etc.), I don’t understand how this can’t be tracked–not that I am trying to get around anything. But most importantly, why that should even matter from a SBs perspective.

    To my understanding, gift income is never taxable to the recipient or in this case, the SB. However, the giver or SD is subject to filing and possible liability once he exceeds the annual exclusion amount which is currently $13K ($5M lifetime). At this point the giver, the SD, must file a US Gift Tax Return (IRS Form 709). So I am not sure I understand the purpose of the SB getting a 1099 mentioned by Victoria because recipients are not required to report gift income. Isn’t a 1099 for independent contractors, which would make you responsible for paying taxes on whatever income you receive? Please explain.

    Note: Something for SBs to consider and possibly arrange in their favor is that a SD can avoid the gift tax if they pay for your educational and medical expenses directly to the institution or facility.

    7.) @Midwest SB and @SD Guru: Is there a way for my profile to be previewed privately? I’d like for you to take a look and give me your feedback, but I don’t feel comfortable posting my profile number here.

    Sorry for the long post, but I really need some help sorting all of this out guys. Thanks!

  186. Victoria says:

    @Charming: “Isn’t a 1099 for independent contractors, which would make you responsible for paying taxes on whatever income you receive?”

    My dadies give me a 1099 as a marketing consultant and that is what I report to the IRS. Yup, I pay all my taxes under independent contractor. I have a day job too by the way. That way, with sugar money from 1099 and my day job, my official income jumps 60%. I can get financing for anything I want, because of my reported income. Hiding money is NEVER a good idea.

  187. Charming SB says:

    @Victoria: I appreciate your post. And thanks so much for clarification. I definitely was not advocating hiding money. But getting a 1099 makes much more sense given your explanation. Ironically, I was just trying to figure out how one could increase their income if gift income couldn’t necessarily be reported as I need to improve my debt-to-income ratio for financing purposes. If I may ask, do you have an actual business established or are you a sole proprietor?

  188. Midwest SB says:

    LOL LOL…me thinks I smell a vixen

  189. Midwest SB says:

    Charming SB – Before you take any advice here, always consult a tax professional. A 1099 is not necessary in 99.9% of the cases and it would put you in the position of paying a large tax payment at the end of the year. If you’re going to do a 1099, then bump up the allowance enough to cover the tax burden.

    Here are some of my experiences…

    - It’s not illegal to date well. People do it all the time and don’t have to report it on their taxes. Ex-spouses who make an issue of it only look bitter in court and the judges typically won’t stand for it.
    - If an SD gives one person a gift exceeding $13K in a year, the HE must file the gift. The recipient is not required to report the gift. How it is documented is unclear to me.
    - business owners are very creative with hiding where their money goes. Tuition payments, car payments, petty cash and even travel expensescan all be hidden from the actual cash allowance.
    - It is highly unlikely the majority of SBs will ever receive cash in excess of $13K from one SD. Most arrangements last 6 months or less due to the supply and demand. Therefore no reporting is required.
    - I’ve never heard of an SD or an SB being indicted for not reporting sugar income/ expenses. Then again, Capone was brought down on mail fraud which happened to be a federal offense. Chances are it could come up, but what are the odds?

    BTW – I can contact you offline if you wish regarding your profile. I will have to do it later today though.

  190. Charming SB says:

    @Midwest SB: Thanks for the advice. I will take all of this into consideration. Your statement about most SBs not receiving anymore than $13K from one SD is disappointing. I am assuming this is over the lifetime of the arrangement. It’s “real talk” nonetheless. So I appreciate your candor. Is 6 months considered long-term in sugar dating?

  191. flyr says:

    @charmingSB

    “1.) I seek an exclusive, long-term arrangement–something that will last for years. What are your recommendations for finding this type of SD and keeping his interest and monagomy? Is it even possible and realistic to expect monogamy from a SD anyway being that it is NSA?”

    Given your criteria your best bet for a long term, faithful mate who remains interested only in you would be a well bred Labrador or Golden Retriever puppy. The downside is, of course, that there is no sugar, just an abundance of love.

    The situations where I have seen longer term relationships have usually been based on some unique conditions:

    SD is married to a wife that has a serious long term medical condition, either mental or physical where he remains married but has an SB who provides him with an emotional refuge along with the other sugarland delights.

    Husband is married in name only but for some reason can not be in a visible relationship. Bill Clinton would be a candidate other than his chosen mating habits. Typical would be the husband and wife who have a tacit agreement that husband will roam but not embarrass wife and vice versa.

    Older divorced or widowed SD who is not interested in a new wife , has a real interest in the SB as a mentor, in addition to enjoying her charms. She provides a positive, nagless sensual environment that he may never have experienced. Helps if she is doing something that he wished his daughter or son would have achieved.

    My experience with longevity is a little better than Midwest SB’s. However, for both the SD and SB changes in their lives occur. In addition many may seek a new adventure, fall in love or lust with someone from the outside world, have a change in financial conditions etc. The married SD has other issues that affect the relationship both positively and negatively.

    From my married friends involved in SB or IRL playmates I sense psychic rewards from the pursuit and the danger of the relationship. By their very nature they are accomplished at deception, able to find reasons for their absence and distraction. When the sense of conquest and danger are gone alternates become more attractive.

    On a more positive note I have known a couple of women who have gone all the way through college with a single SD and from them have gathered that they had a number of friends on the same path.

    The best way to achieve your goal is to choose well by understanding the issues, investing the time to fine tune your profile, set realistic goals and develop an efficient screening process.

  192. flyr says:

    @ Charming “I’ve noticed that most stories throughout the blog involve sex very early; as soon as the first date or after a few. Is this the standard in the sugar world? This makes me uncomfortable and question whether or not this is something that I can pursue to be frank. I have to have genuine feelings for someone to even consider it, which takes time. Are there any long-term experiences where sex is not a factor (or an immediate one) and the arrangement is based solely on companionship or at least explored much later down the road, like after a few months? Sex doesn’t seem to happen organically in this type of situation based on some of the things I’ve read. What’s ‘moving too fast or slow’ in the sugar world?”

    Relationship based on companionship ? Occurs , but better odds with lottery ticket.

    Personal view – arrangement without sex is fine as long as there is no expectation of an allowance. But then is it an arrangement.

    Sex – Unlike most of match.com or other dating sites, the arrangement simplified the relationship in that the traditional long term issues are eliminated. There’s a mutual understanding of the underlying foundation. There are four key questions on the table – are they comfortable having sex (this includes how comfortable they are being with the person), are their sexual expectations and needs compatible, are their economic expectations compatible and are the logistics workable? Despite the simplicity of the sugar relationship I doubt there is a significant difference in the length of the path to the bedroom. This is even more surprising in that the potential SB SD probably engage in a more careful screening process prior to an initial meeting. Typical range 1/2 – 3 meetings prior

  193. flyr says:

    @charming

    Your profile should mention your requirement to become comfortable with someone over a series of meetings . It probably increases the chance of your finding a durable SD. Of course you should not have any expectation of gifts prior to that decision

  194. NC Gent says:

    Victoria — you are welcome to post your opinions on this blog, but mean-spirited comments are not appreciated. Bless your heart :)

  195. SD Guru says:

    It’s not surprising that Victoria sounds like someone who used to post here. It didn’t take long for her to show her true colors and she’ll probably be back under other names. I’d suggest that everyone should take what she writes with a grain of salt.

    @Charming SB

    You asked some very good questions and I’ll address them later today. In the mean time, feel free to email me through my blog (click on my name to the left) with your profile and I’ll take a look.

  196. Charming SB says:

    @flyr: Your are too funny! Gotta love your brutal honesty though. That’s what I really need. So thank you. In thinking about what you’ve said and analyzing my own goals, I definitely would need a SD looking to be a long-term mentor as I am in college. I will revamp my profile accordingly, but I would love if you could critique it. Can you help me with that?

    I guess my biggest concern about sex is safety – hence wanting exclusivity. Of course going through the necessary precautions to protect yourself is great but has it’s own risks. And things have the potential to get really ugly when multiple people are involved. It’s scary because one slip up can put you out of sugar or conventional dating for life. I just wished an arrangement could be as straightforward as agreeing to be intimate solely with each other and should either party desire to play elsewhere have enough respect to give the other party a heads up so that you both can amicably end it, pause it, or proceed together with caution. And this is a huge problem with conventional dating as well. Greed and selfishness, that is.

    You’re on point with what you said about Match and other conventional sites. The fact of the matter is that the underlying agenda for most men is sex – be it in a conventional or sugar scenario. And I feel it would be refreshing to just be honest about it upfront rather than play around with a woman’s emotions and time. I could really respect a man for doing that. But so much for living in a perfect world. I am sick of the BS, games, and the ups and downs of something that was never going anywhere from the start. What infuriates me even more though is the precious time lost used to smarten up enough to lose the ‘love blinders’ and see things for what they really were to begin with. I think I just went off on a tangent, LOL. Sorry. I guess that’s why I’ve drifted towards the sugar world to my own surprise.

    You mentioned four key questions and a typical range. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with sex. I thoroughly enjoy it and can’t get enough with the right person to be frank. It’s the timing that is beyond my comfort zone. Outside of the sugar world, I’ve never even considered it until months into the relationship. The few that I’ve had lasted for several years. So I haven’t ‘been around’ and don’t plan to be. I would think that’s admired by men and make me more desirable, but I am not sure in the sugar world.

    And I have to be candid and admit that I fear being abandoned afterwards. Not that I have emotional issues. In the conventional aspect, there’s the fear of love not being reciprocated. In this aspect, I fear being short-changed and want to know what preventative measures I can take to protect myself. If he’s getting what he wants, I want to make sure that I am getting everything that I want. It seems that having sex so soon would put me in an unfavorable position. Who’s to say that he, knowing and agreeing upon our arrangement beforehand, doesn’t take me out on a few nice dates and/or buy a few gifts to get what he wants and then leaves; not helping me achieve any of my goals?

  197. Charming SB says:

    @SD Guru: Thank you for responding to my request. I tried clicking on your name as instructed, but can’t access your email. Maybe I am doing something wrong. Can you be a little more specific please?

  198. flyr says:

    @charming – Ask the blog gods to send my your contact

  199. Charming SB says:

    @flyr: I am so sorry. I’ve never done this before. How do I get them to send the contact info? I don’t see any way to contact them.

  200. NC Gent says:

    @SDG — ahhhh I kind of thought that is who it was :) should have trusted my instincts!

  201. Alleycat says:

    @Charming – what part of the country are you in?

  202. NC Gent says:

    @Charming SB — with my first SB, I had a two year monogamous sugar relationship (yes I am married – do the math). We knew each other several months before we were completely intimate. We were together until she graduated from college. I had another SB that had a no-sex rule until after the third date – she also used that “rule” for conventional dating. My recommendation is don’t do anything that you are uncomfortable with or might regret. Just take your time and try to enjoy the journey.

  203. Jeff_NC says:

    @CharmingSB – You seem like a very sincere and intelligent person. But I’m afraid you may be fishing in the wrong stream. I am a sugar daddy who also likes “conventional” relationships. But I have to keep reminding myself not to confuse the two. They are different. From a sugar relationship (I remind myself) don’t expect fidelity, honesty, or long-term commitment. If you require those things, I suggest you cast your line in a different creek.

  204. Alleycat says:

    I am sort of with Jeff_NC on this. it sounds like you want a rich bf, but you just have to be tougher on the ground rules with your relationships.

    Sugar dating is not for everyone, and it is not for the faint of heart. Done right, it can be great. But often, it is problematic if the ground rules are not laid down up front, and stuck to. Asking for monogamy as well as NSA? Problem #1 right there. Monogamy is not just a string, it’s a bloody big rope.

    I don’t want to to deter you, you sound smart and know what you want, but just know that in sugar you have to screen much more intensively than you would for a normal (IRL) bf. And that still doesn’t guarantee that you will do good. You may be lucky and find someone great, who has money, treats you well, wants monogamy, is a great communicator and will last for several years, but that is more of a bf than sugar.

  205. Jackie says:

    So happy for this part of the site, I am having no luck on this site at all! I don’t understand, i guess the competition is crazy on it. Like crap can’t a beautiful, extremely fit, smart chocolate girl have a normal sd!!

  206. Ann says:

    @Midwest SB – Although I can’t legally drink yet I do have an occasional wine or -insert girly drink here- so I didn’t consider that possibility but you do have a point.

    To the newbies who aren’t getting any replies, I just want to offer some advice and say brutal honesty is your friend. In real life, i’m a pretty girl who has no trouble getting men so understandably, my ego took quite a blow when I wasn’t getting any replies. So yesterday, I asked myself, what am I doing wrong here?

    I carefully scrutinized my profile, and then asked myself again: If I were a millionaire, is this someone I would be willing to spend a couple of grand every month of just to be with? The answer wasn’t a resounding yes! So i thought why not? And I realized that my profile pic was not doing me justice. Being camera shy, I had just put up the old pics that I already had.

    So I took some new pics, and put them up. Then I took Flyer’s advice and played my age to my advantage- referred to my youth as invigorating, I sent out a few emails and viola! What do I have this morning but replies?

    I’m not saying you should look like a model, but if your profile- pics and description both- don’t make you look like someone any man would love to be with, chances are the replies aren’t gonna magically appear. My profile pics show that I really am beautiful, my description paints the picture of an intelligent and driven girl, and my emails come across as light-hearted and flirty.

    I’m a newbie as well, but ever since I signed up I never got close to this many replies until I changed these things. So it might help if you tried to incorporate those things as well. I only hope this lucky streak trend continues!

    [img]:)[/img]

  207. Charming SB says:

    @ NC Gent: I appreciate your reply and advice. I definitely will do what makes me comfortable and not act out of character. I am just trying to make sure that I see things clearly and not merge expectations for a sugar relationship with a conventional one. It seems that there’s a fine line though depending on both party’s needs. It’s refreshing to know that a sugar relationship can last as long as two years. That’s more my speed. Thanks for sharing.

    @Jeff_NC: Thank you for the compliments. I believe you’re right about having a different mindset for each of the two types of relationships as I was hinting to NC Gent. This is something that I realize I need to work on. It’s just scary because experience in conventional relationships have trained me to view my straightforwardness as my Achilles’ heel. So I love the idea of having the liberty to put it everything on the table as I don’t care for games. I guess the trick is finding someone that is like-minded and not an opportunist looking to take advantage of a genuine person.

    @Alleycat: I am in Texas. And you’re right about monogamy and NSA being contradictory. That’s why I asked if it was possible or realistic to expect. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but if it is possible I’d prefer to go that route. I’ve read posts and profiles where the SDs seem to expect monogamy from their SB, but it’s uncertain as to whether it will be reciprocated in most cases. Typical huh? LOL. Why can’t I just have it all, Alleycat? All jokes aside, I sincerely appreciate your input and will take all that you’ve said into consideration.

  208. Manuel says:

    I’ve had the chance to speak with a few nice men but never have meet any women on here… I wonder to what might bring ones attention my way.

  209. beachblonde27 says:

    Just kinda updated my profile… anybody who travels to or lives in CA should message me! Would love to meet other SBs and definitely still searching for the right SD. Profile #: 921544

  210. WCSD says:

    @Charming — Regarding your concern of being abandoned, that is a concern that all in the sugar world feel. Both the SB from being used and promises not being lived up to, and the SD from running into someone with the ‘take the money and run’ attitude. In my experience the only way for both sides to get through it is by building trust. BOTH sides need to work to gain the others trust, and if both the SD and SB work at it in that manner (what can I do to make the other person trust me), then it is truly the start of a great relationship. Trust is earned, but is really no different than how you trust a bf, or best friend, etc. First impressions are huge, but so are ongoing actions. In the end, trust your gut, and go with it. And unfortunately as is the case in all situations in life, you will get ‘burned’ at some point, the importance is how to learn from that instance.

  211. Kenneth says:

    @Midwest SB I have many stories from many experiences. I didnt want to go into much detail on here whats your id number ill try to look you up and we can talk in private. i would love to hear some of your stories. this site is not so good for us sb m looking for a sm . I have messaged a few and they have not even logged on in a few days. I have my college student account but here to hoping i find someone special. hope to hear from you soon again my number is 1065502.

  212. Charming SB says:

    @WC SD: Thank you for the post. You’re right about the possibilities of getting burned being a two-way street. And I couldn’t agree with you more about the importance establishing trust. If you don’t mind, however, could you please elaborate? What are some things you suggest SBs do (or not do) in order to earn trust from potential SDs and vice versa?

  213. WCSD says:

    @Charming – To me it is always about building the relationship. Do people run out on a restaurant bill, or cheat on their taxes? Sure they do. If your good friend owned the restaurant, would you even consider running out on them? I always find that a lot of the advice on here is about the transactional part of the relationship (I give X, I get Y, Z times a month), and the negotiation for that to happen. But the reality is that if you have a connection that isn’t transactional, then the transactional negotiation (and the trust that both parties will meet their obligations) is really a cake walk. Does it take more time to build this friendship? Absolutely. It is a time commitment. Will you ‘waste this time’ with potentials that in the end don’t work out? Yes. But will the sugar relationship you have with the friend that you have made be seamless, mind blowing, and trustworthy? Of course! To put it in business words, you are not trying to make a quick sale of a cheap product, you are trying to build a long term client who will not mind paying your ‘price’ for your business.

  214. WCSD says:

    @Charming – In the end, I’ve always approached this world as a ‘friends with benefits’ type of relationship, and therefore I need that friend connection first. Obviously the benefits in the sugar world are different, and it is something that both people know coming into it, which makes this lifestyle so refreshing. I also tend to be fairly quick at making friends!!

  215. FLFunSB says:

    @BeachBlonde27 Cute profile ;-)

    <——How come my picture isnt showing up on the blog? I updated gravatar? Any ideas?

    FLFunSB- 859960

  216. Charming SB says:

    @WC SD: Understood. And thank you so much for the illustration. Excellent points!

  217. Jackie says:

    @ Ann thanx, good advice. Another question for anyone, so for monthly allowance, I guess the sb has to wait a month? How should a sb work it out with the sd so that its fair on both. Should the sb ask for a percentage of the allowance up front?

  218. Kenneth says:

    @jackie the monthly allowance is a binding agreement, you take full payment and then you agree to the terms talked about. the more i read the posts on here the more i feel like a seasoned SB lol if you go into a relationship worrying about how things work your going to miss the point. make sure there is chemistry if there is no checmistry then what is the point. If you find someone that you really like and then on top on that have the nsa sugar relation ship youll be alot better off then being someone that is fumbling around with laws and rules of the game… there are no real rules just ways to not be taken advantage of. communication is the number one thing each sd/sm is different so dont treat everyone the same i kinda went from you to just in general i wasnt directing all of this info straight at you. i hope this helped

  219. Midwest SB says:

    Charming – I will go into detail about what is a realistic expectation from “one” SD from my experience only.
    1- The 4-6 month curse….What usually happens is that either a) true emotions build between two people who either don’t want or cannot accommodate a real relationship at the moment. The reasons fall somewhere between being married to just not ready for a real relationship b) Sugar slips away to real life…suddenly we stop making the effort to keep sugar sugary. This can be letting personal hardships, lack of flexibility, etc hinder your meetings or that your initial flame flickered to an ember c) There are 20+ SBs for every SD. If his profile is visible, he is getting e-mails from dozens of SBs daily. It’s supply and demand. Hence the reason many arrangements last less than 6 months. Some will last longer and they tend to modify into what we have coined as relangements. There may or may not be an allowance, but the reality is that the couple have allowed their feelings to enter the arrangements. In some cases, it works, in others…not so much. It’s all up to you.

    As far as receiving an excess of $13K per year CASH. Cash is what you would report as income on a 1099. If you only have one SD over 6 months, then add the fact that it may take 3-4 months to find him plus 3-4 months to find another, your year is shot. If you are in the $1KK-3 range, you may or may not hit 13K in a year. Here is where you and your SD explore maximizing the ROI (Return on Investment). If he pays your tuition directly, it becomes a business expense and he gets to write off the interest (I beleive)…If he pays down your student loans or mortgage, the same rules may apply. If he’s a business owner, he knows he can write off hotels, airlines and dinners during business trips as well as being able to facilitate a little cash on the side for his habits. The areas where cash helps you is building savings, paying down revolving debt, or paying for additional expenses while in school. IMHO – a lady should never count on an allowance for her actual living expenses. You mentioned wanting to decrease your debt to income ratio. You don’t want to claim this as income to a bank because it is not verifiable nor is it sustainable. However, you can reduce your debt significantly. He can pay some directly if it works to his advantage. He can also help with your down payment/ investment for whatever your future purchase may be. If you have more than one ALLOWANCE SD and/or live in a major metropolitan area, then perhaps you can do better than 13K per year.

    Just as a frame of reference, through sugars I’ve met here and IRL, I would say approximately 70% are gift/ travel babies and the rest get an allowance. Those who get an allowance typically have fewer SDs as there are simply fewer SDs who truly offer an allowance. Every once in a while an SB will meet the SD who provides an amazing allowance, all expenses paid, etc. etc. but it’s more like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You also have to remember that SBs in NYC can command $3-5K a month vs. those in rural communities who have a lower cost of living.

    Does all of this make sense? I’ve had a few glasses of wine, so please forgive the rambling.

    Kenneth – I tried pulling up your profile to no avail. I’m at 835817.

    NC Gent – Bless your heart…PRICELESS!!! Love you!

  220. ariel says:

    I haven’t had any luck on this site either. I temperarily moved to a new city when I created my profile. I did have one sugar daddy here but I met him randomly and offline. However, he is not from this city either. I am still in touch with several sugar daddies I have had. Some of those relationships are six and seven years old. Yes I did say years. I’m going back to san francisco soon so hopefully I get get back where I was. Maybe its not the site, but the city. Sf did have the most number of sugar daddies on another poll.

  221. Midwest SB says:

    Jackie – I’ve never had to wait a month. Usually it is provided in a card or deposited in my account before our second meeting. Mine is a bit different in that I typically have long distance arrangements where we spend one or two weekends a month together (2-4 days at a time). So there is time for everything to take place.

    I tell all the new sugars…don’t sleep with someone in hopes of getting an allowance. Sleep with them because you want to. Period.

  222. Charming SB says:

    @Midwest SB: This is very valuable info. Thanks so much. Enjoy the rest of your wine :-)
    I am not sure how to send you my info discreetly so that you can review my profile.

  223. Spot aka SDinLA's dog & accountant says:

    Oooohhhhh, taxes again!!!! When do we get to talk about “entitlement?!”

    Just to correct a few inaccuracies that have been posted:

    The annual gift tax exclusion is currently $13,000, but it does NOT count against your $5MM lifetime unified exemption (gift and estate tax.) The $5MM figure is scheduled to revert back to much lower levels at the end of 2012 unless Obama and congress act (good luck in this environment.)

    Note that the annual exclusion is by calendar year, so if you start seeing your SD in August of 2012, he can gift you 13k in the remainder of 2012 and another 13k on January 1st 2013 without any gift tax consequences.

    The 13k is still in effect for 2013, but it may rise in future, it was 10k, then 11k, then 12k and has been 13k now for a few years.

    In addition to the $13,000 annual gift tax exclusion for each individual, certain things are exempt from gift tax, for instance you can pay anybody’s tuition and medical expenses IN ANY AMOUNTS and not incur any gift tax AS LONG AS YOU PAY THE SCHOOL OR MEDICAL PROVIDER DIRECTLY. This does not have to be done through a business or via any write-offs, individuals can do these things and not incur gift tax.

    IMO married SDs should minimize their paper trail in any case, and filing tax forms and putting SBs on payroll is kooky talk.

    For single/divorced SDs, it depends. SDinLA was not a US citizen when he was active as a SD, so the tax issues were moot.

    Why any SB would choose to declare cash she received as income is beyond me. Unless her SD needs her to for his purposes, once you have received it, if it’s a gift, there is NO REQUIREMENT to report it.

    As the giver of the gifts, there’s a form you have to file that lists all your gifts, I’ve had SDinLA sign it in recent years when necessary, but that is mostly to keep track of how much of your lifetime exemption you have used up.

    I have never heard of the IRS going after a SD or SB for tax issues. The only possible issue I could see is if the SD gets caught in an audit situation and/or if the government seeks leverage against him in another financial/legal matter.

    N.B. I am not a CPA and my accounting degree is from the Happy Trails Kennel and Business School, so please do not take anything written here as gospel.

  224. Jackie says:

    @kenneth thanx, okay so you said you accept payment in full, at what point do you expect payment? before anything sexual happens?

  225. Vahn2g4 says:

    Hello all, I got a little excited when I saw this blog, and I wanted to ask some of the ladies with experience either being a SM or potential SM what do you look for in a sugar baby? I’ve been on this site for a few months and as many tips as I’ve seen for females I’ve tried to apply for myself to no avail. My number is 982616. Any suggestions will help. I’ve received 9 views and that’s about it. Any successful SB males?

    Also someone mentioned earlier about a SB who wanted a SD without sex. I actually know of one. He just paid for her passport and takes her to lunch and dinner regularly. Every now and again she gets money in her paypal. No sex, just lots of talking. I guess it’s not impossible just rare.

  226. FLFunSB says:

    @Jackie OF COURSE before anything happens. No test drives please. Some SD’s claim to be a SD but they are Johns wanting the lowest amount or tell you they need a test drive before they give an allowance. Screen properly and make the rules clear. Also if he isnt willing to gift you when you lay down the rules than he wasn’t a true SD. Thank yourself for figuring it out now rather than later.

    @Midwest I admire your profile. After reading it I need alot of work. :-/

    @Spot aka SDinLA LMAOOO I actually enjoyed reading that post!

  227. ContentSB says:

    Hey Sugars! Lots of great convo going on here :) Love it! Kenneth, it’s so fun having a male SBs perspective on things!

    In a bit of a situation lol. Everything seems to be happening all at once. I’m planning on moving to a bigger city come August (when my lease is up), am finishing classes this summer, and impulsively quit my serving job yesterday (SOOO not like me…but sometimes enough is enough). Needless to say, with tuition, rent, and moving expenses, finances are going to be *tight.* I despise asking my parents for money because they’ve already helped so much. I’m dating the most wonderful man who treats me better than any man has ever treated me. He’s not a SD, but he is married (I know…I know…). He’s offered to help me make ends meet because he would rather help me than put me in the stressful position of asking my parents for help. I’m *so* hesitant to take him up on that offer for several reasons. What we have has been nearly perfect, and I’m afraid bringing any sort of sugar into it would somehow tarnish it or change our dynamic. I’m also not comfortable pushing our luck by having him hide money.

    I know accepting a little help from him doesn’t necessarily make him a SD, but probably more of a guy with white knight syndrome. Regardless, has anyone made a potential shift like this? And if you did, did it change the relationship?

  228. SDinLA says:

    @ContentSB “I’m *so* hesitant to take him up on that offer for several reasons. What we have has been nearly perfect, and I’m afraid bringing any sort of sugar into it would somehow tarnish it or change our dynamic”

    What exactly are you afraid of? He’s offering, you didn’t demand it of him. He’s married- so by definition what you have probably isn’t perfect, unless you’re harbouring illusions that he’s going to leave his wife for you- in that case you’re just deluding yourself that it’s nearly perfect. In either case, he’s cheating on his wife with you, so how is him helping you out financially going to make things less perfect?

    I’ve always taken care of all financial matters for any woman I’ve had in my life. I’ve helped out platonic friends, male and female, financially (never with a “loan”, it only ever works if you never expect to see the money back again.) How is my contributing financial assistance to any of those people an act that is “tarnishing” to the relationship? I don’t get it. because of some silly notion that “true love” can’t involve money in any way? Why is “sugar” necessarily a “bad thing?”

    IMO there’s no “shift.” People help out people they care about financially all the time. The only reason it has to “change” your relationship is if YOU have an issue with it or let it.

  229. Kenneth says:

    @Midwest SB you have mail, i look forward to your email

  230. Teeny says:

    So nice to see stories from a successful sb male. An ex of mine has had the same SM for about 5 years now (I really dont know why she keeps putting up with him) so there are success stories out there…… Other thoughts on my mind.. I met a guy off here but Im not sure how to bring up the sugar aspect. I have a feeling as soon as I bring it up he will fall off the planet, im just not sure the best way to bring it up with out it sounding like “hey give me money if you want me to see you” kind of thing. Also I would love if someone could look at profile and give me some pointers (not big on asking for help but Im not getting the kind of responses I would like)
    Profile Number 885118 thanks loves :)

  231. ContentSB says:

    @SDinLA — Definitely not harboring illusions that he’s going to leave her. That’s actually my worst nightmare and if he ever mentioned having those thoughts I would be the first to discourage them. I simply meant that what we share is nearly perfect in the realm it can exist.

    In my experiences sugar eventually sours (and not always amicably), so I suppose I now equate financial help with a short-lived and doomed relationship. My fear is that his help would somehow ruin what has been up to this point a balance of power. I’ve never accepted financial help from a man unless he’s been a SD….so you’re probably right that it’s my own misguided issue and one not worth worrying about.

    But thanks for your candid reply.

  232. AnnaMW says:

    @ContentSB – I am reluctant to accept help in non-sugar relationships. In fact, I generally refuse. I would need to trust someone a lot in order to allow them to take care of me beyond travel and gifts. I’ve been called crazy for this a million times but I do things differently if I’m thinking long term.

    The game changer in your situation is that he is married and that there is no future. It sounds harsh, but you said that being with him full time is your “worst nightmare”… If that is really how you feel you might as well take the $$ as consolation for him not being able to offer a more normal relationship.

  233. SDinLA says:

    @ContentSB I hope that wasn’t too blunt, I guess I just think you’re over-thinking it and making what sounds like a thoughtful gesture on his part into something more than it has to be. It doesn’t have to be all ERMAHGERD SHERGER!!! KERNTERNT ERSBER SERZ HE WERNTS TO GERVE HER MERNER, THURRR DERRRRMMMED!!!!

    I think sugar often sours eventually because of the nature of the underlying arrangement. In your case, the underlying relationship is NOT based in any way on sugar, so accepting his help after you have established a level of trust/affection that is NOT based on sugar does not necessarily mean all of a sudden you’re teetering on the edge of that same precipice if he offers to help you out. As I said, if I help a S.O. or a friend financially, it doesn’t mean there will inevitably be damage to the relationship.

    In fact I think my position is diametrically opposed to AnnaMW’s on this issue. I have zero issue helping friends out, and if you accepted his help on the basis of “you might as well take the $$ as consolation for him not being able to offer a more normal relationship.” that to me would be far more damaging to your current relationship than if you just chose not to over-analyze it and simply let someone who apparently cares about you do something thoughtful for you.

    @AnnaMW, I think your position on Content SB’s situation is being coloured by your personal trust issues and may not be the right approach for others.

  234. Midwest SB says:

    In my experiences sugar eventually sours (and not always amicably), so I suppose I now equate financial help with a short-lived and doomed relationship. Content SB

    If I may say so, my experience has been just the opposite. Even if the arrangement ends, the connection continues and I am still great friends with my SDs. They are great mentors, wonderful to talk to and have done things such as paying for a resume service and Ladders membership, sent graduation gifts, etc. So…keep an open mind and let things take their natural course.

    CharmingSB & Kenneth – You have mail!
    Flyer – Done!

    Small rant – If you have small children who are sick…please keep them home. Today I’m home when PTO has not kicked in yet because parents don’t always consider the impact it has on other kids and employees. Grrrrrrrr.

  235. Midwest SB says:

    WCSD – Hiiiiii! Been riding with your hair blowing in the wind lately?

  236. Jackie says:

    Thank Goodness for this blog, thanks for everyone and thanks to the SDs who have offered their advice, it really helps to know what SDs may be thinking. I have been in a so called SD situation and it was nightmare!! Now i know better! Advice to the fresh newbies female sb, ladies, we are beautiful inside and out, don’t let anyone make you feel uncomfortable or treat you otherwise. Be patient, and don’t jump and be naive to whatever sounds good.

  237. AnnaMW says:

    @SDinLA -

    “ERMAHGERD SHERGER!!! KERNTERNT ERSBER SERZ HE WERNTS TO GERVE HER MERNER, THURRR DERRRRMMMED!!!!”

    I actually thought this was very poorly spelled, non-grammatical German at first. I figured it out pretty quickly… Absolutely hilarious.

    Your to Content seems very sound… I do sometimes put people in boxes, and “future” vs “no future” changes the game a lot in terms of how I approach a relationship. I’m quite sure it’s a flaw and something I probably need to work on. Thanks for pointing it out.

    I do think in terms of balance, reciprocity and even scores when it comes to “no future” relationships, but that may not be the best approach for Content. In RL relationships I turn to complete mush and need to keep boundaries firmly locked in place so that it doesn’t happen in my sugar relationships as well. I have deep friendships with a few of my ex-sds and trust them very much, it just takes time for that to happen.

  238. AnnaMW says:

    *your advice

    Sorry. Typo. Haven’t had my coffee!

  239. Kenneth says:

    @Midwest SB you have mail

  240. WCSD says:

    @Midwest – Wind blowing in my hair? That would actually mean I have any hair left!

  241. Ariana says:

    Too bad there isn’t a chatroom here were we can just instant msg each other lol

  242. Tina says:

    Awww, my little lovable nemesis Spotticus is back and I missed him! DRAT! Smooches Spottie! :) (Oh yeah, hi SDinLA! ;) )

    I hope everyone is doing well! I know, this in an old blog topic, but I just had to catch up…….

  243. Ready-4-Freedom says:

    Hi group –

    I just read the article and am new to SA. Not knowing how much room I’d have on my profile, I put a significant amount of content but now I’m thinking, maybe not enough of the right things? Perhaps whomever reads it will garner from “who I am” and “what I’m looking for” what they would great and exciting things they would experience in a relationship w/me…hard to know for sure, though.

    My m.o. has always been to be straight-forward and honest, and put out there what I really mean and want or need, so I did – but it is not the usual situation, and does present my vulnerability – it is what it is. My situation is one where I need immediate help to get out of a situation I’m trapped in w/someone I nursed 24/7 (apparently saved his life 3 times, too), managed all his assets, funds and valuable, took care of all his business matters when he was in the hospital for a very long time – all gratis and automatically because he had no one else to do all those things for him, and then I trusted him when he wanted to “thank” me for doing all that by offering to pay for my farm – now he’s back to drinking morning ’til he passes out at night, after receiving a liver transplant. In his daily drunken state is threatening to lose my farm – dump it, and I am in no financial position to suddenly be able to cover that expenditure each month. Both our names are on my deed(s) by necessity for him to take on that mortgage years back, so I need to be able to buy him out and get him out of my life, as he’s going down hill slowly and I don’t want him taking me and the nonprofit sanctuary full of animals here OUT with him, you know? I need to be proactive here, peruse all the listings I can and contact those that might be a fit or match for me as soon as possible.

    I noted that I’m looking for an SD or an SM, but I have not seen any SM listings or a place to peruse those, like we can of the listings of SDs. Can anyone direct me to where I will find those? I am open to either an SM or a SD but definitely need and want to locate one (I will call an Angel) ASAP.

    ALSO, another question: My listing is not approved yet and was just submitted, but already I think I may need to make a change or two. I saw somewhere that if any changes are made that it can put the submission way back in the lineup? Is that true? If so, how far back or how much time could be lost in doing that?

    Thanks, everyone! I appreciate your input and help.

  244. Rocco says:

    SM’s are great!

    5’11″ swimmers build
    Business owner
    Blue eyes
    979110 my profile/ SD on here

  245. Ariana says:

    Hey guys! So, what do you do when a SD doesn’t have a photo on here and wants to meet you?

  246. Ann says:

    Hello again guys :). I found a SD, I think :) Haven’t actually finalized an arrangement yet but he really wants to. And he’s pretty much everything I was looking for: cute- in a DILF kind of way of course, smart, our communication is excellent- which I believe is key for a relationship like this, very polite and respectful towards me, makes over a million a year- cha ching! LOL, and wants something long term. I feel like I hit the sugar jackpot. I hope our sugar arrangement does work because we get along really well.

    I’m new to this, and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it. But then i’ve been myself so far and it’s working. I’ve showed him i’m interested, but i’m still playing a little hard to get because well who wants something they can have so easily. My only question is i’ve heard so many horror stories about men who flaunt this sugar for a few weeks and then POOF! They’re gone. Is there anyway to kinda prevent that from happening? For instance would it be appropriate to ask for a ‘good faith gift’. Kinda like a substantial down payment? He’s worth between 10-50 million so I feel like if he’s forreal, it shouldn’t be an issue. But then, I also don’t want to come across as greedy. So I guess my question is: Is it appropriate to ask. Cos I definitely feel like i’m worth it, and like this post says:

    I’ve heard a lot of girls saying, ‘Is this girl getting $5,500 an hour because she’s more beautiful? Is she doing something I don’t?’ ” Ms. Xi’an said in a telephone interview. “The answer is no. But that girl is able to look a guy in the eye and say, ‘This is what I’m worth, and this is what you have to pay if you want me.’ And you have to be able to do that, and believe it.

    It was a post in the NY times about a high priced escort but I think it conveys the same message.

  247. flyr says:

    @Ann “My only question is i’ve heard so many horror stories about men who flaunt this sugar for a few weeks and then POOF! They’re gone. Is there anyway to kinda prevent that from happening? For instance would it be appropriate to ask for a ‘good faith gift’. Kinda like a substantial down payment? He’s worth between 10-50 million so I feel like if he’s forreal, it shouldn’t be an issue. ”

    If it is a very fair offer(together with either some funds up front or a specific promise you trust) the better strategy might be to focus on becoming indispensable and something he looks forward to Something between half and a full month would be normal. .

    One of the things that annoys me in business is when I have made a very fair offer to someone who instead of saying thanks, I accept they want to continue negotiations. It seems to be in the attorney dna. In an employment situation my response would probably be to acknowledge that they have rejected the offer and suggest that we both think about it. I may do the deal but it leaves a little scar tissue that will be around the next time. You might leave an opening to revisit the issue at a later date after you get to know eachother.

  248. VA gentleman says:

    Arianna–You either insist he provide a photo (offer a private email if he’s unwilling to share via SA), or insist you first meet in a neutral public place.

  249. Kenneth says:

    @ ALL SUGAR DADDY”S if someone making 120,000 a year wanted to hire me as a “personal assistant” what are the benefit legally they can take making that much? I would do the errands, cleaning, cooking, walking the dogs, financial investments, living in home, schedualing meetings, creating power points, spead sheets, and so much more. I would do this anyway however taxes are hurting her making that much and i wanted to know if I could offer her a tax break claiming a schedual H 1040 and using what i am paid as money to help around the house or something. Any SD or SM lawyers by any chance lol

  250. Ashley says:

    I’d love to meet a great Sugar mommy! I’ve actually been looking for one and they are hard to come by… especially one who is looking for a female sugar baby. It seems like all the sugar mamas on here actually is part of a couple looking for a third.
    I’ve meet a two really good Sugar daddies on here as well. Both ended because I moved :( I’m back at it, looking for either a sugar daddy or sugar mommy again.

    *wish me luck*

    xoxo
    To send me a message my ID is: 117131

  251. Akshay says:

    Hi! I am Akshay Kumar from Bangalore, 40 years old. Welcome to all sugar mommies. Is there any body for me?

  252. JustAThought SD says:

    @Charming
    Whether you do stick around here or go over to seekingmillionaire drop us the prof numbers once you get the profile finished.

  253. Gil says:

    Thanks for the post on Sugar Mommies
    It must be very competitive and elusive.
    As a sugar baby male, it would seem that about half of the sugar mommies are looking for sugar baby females only.
    I’ve had an account since 2009 and have yet to get any messages.

    My profile number is: 377810

    Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

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