2 years ago
Customer Selfishness: Sugar Daddy says “I’m Keeping SA a Secret”
  • Posted Nov 2, 2011
  • Views 4673
  • Written by Brandon Wade

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I hope all of you had a good Halloween!  If you dressed up in a character this Halloween, I’d love to hear from you (so write a comment below).  And if you’d like to share your pictures with the rest of your fellow sugar blog readers, send them over to me at brandon (at) seekingarrangement.com, and I will do my best to feature them on the blog.

As for me, I was toying with the idea of dressing up as a Sugar Daddy, but eventually decided to go back to the source of my inspiration that led me to create SeekingArrangement.com and WhatsYourPrice.com in the first place – i.e., to dress up as a nerd.  One that’s perhaps no longer too shy to approach women.  And for those of you wondering what I was carrying in my pocket besides a pen, let me give you a clue, my girlfriend (not the one shown in the picture) insisted that I carry some.

Brandon Halloween

Now, back to the topic of this blog.  I had a conversation this past week with a long time Sugar Daddy member of SeekingArrangement.com who could not stop talking about his positive experience with the Sugar Baby members he met through the site.  So towards the end of our conversation, I told him I would really appreciate it if he would share his positive experience with his friends.  To my surprise he told me “I would never tell any of my friends about SeekingArrangement.com”.  But not to sound rude, he further explained, “Don’t get me wrong, I love this website and I am not ashamed of letting everyone know I am a Sugar Daddy.  But why would I ever want to share this secret with any other men?  I want to keep all the Sugar Babies on Seeking Arrangement all to myself if I can help it.”

To be honest, I was totally speechless.  If all the Sugar Daddies or Sugar Babies on our website thought this way, there would be no “word-of-mouth” on our website at all.   But this can’t be possible, because in a random survey I did a few months ago, nearly 65% of the members who responded said they had first heard of SeekingArrangement.com through a friend.  In fact, word-of-mouth is such a big component of our website, that we only acquire less than 20% of our new sugar daddie or sugar babe members through advertising.

(Note: We conducted quick survey of approximately 500 of our happy and loyal users, asking them if they had told friends and family about our website. 18% said no, because they don’t want anyone to know they are a sugar daddy or sugar baby, while 20% said no, because they don’t want to share the sugar with anyone else.  That means approximately 1 out of 5 of you won’t tell anyone because you don’t want any additional competition.)

So, what prompted this Sugar Daddy to refuse to tell his friends about our website?  It must be sugar selfishness, or the unwillingness to share the joys of the sugar life with other people, for fear there may be less sugar left to go around.  There is of course some fallacy in his thinking.  Sugar doesn’t get sweeter unless there is more to go around, and his sugar experience would have been even more satisfying if he had a group of Sugar Daddy friends he could share his experiences with.  On this point,  I happen to know quite a few members of the original Sugar Daddy “Yahoo Discussion Group” who continue to meet regularly in meetings all around the country (and by phone).  These Seeking Arrangement Sugar Daddy and sugar baby members share their experiences with each other, and act as a support group to help each other as they embark on new sugar journeys or face sugar crisis.

Obviously, the sugar lifestyle, like any other journey in life is filled with its own sets of problems, pitfalls and drama.  So,  if you are like the “I’ll keep SA a secret” Sugar Daddy, and you have not told your friends or family about the wonderful world of Seeking Arrangement, then I hope you will at least be able to share your experience with our sugar blog family.  Perhaps the sugar blog can be your sounding board, or your support system when you need some friendly, supportive or constructive advice.

 

What character did you dress up as this Halloween?  (Email your photo if you want to be featured!)

Would you tell your “non-sugar” friends about your Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby experience on Seeking Arrangement?

Do you currently have a sugar support system to turn to or share your experiences with (besides this blog)?

207 Responses to “Customer Selfishness: Sugar Daddy says “I’m Keeping SA a Secret””

  1. All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

  2. Alleycat says:

    First!

  3. SD Guru says:

    It’s great to see all the newcomers to the blog! But all those great convos are spread across half a dozen blog topics which make them hard to follow. I’d encourage everyone to post under the most recent blog topic so that we can see all the convos in one place. If you want to comment on one of the articles in the “Tips” section, you can do so in the current blog topic and make a reference to it. I haven’t posted recently but I’ve been reading the blog to stay current. There are lots of interesting topics to comment on and I’ll get to them shortly.

  4. SD Guru says:

    I haven’t reprised my kumbaya post in about a year, and now is about as good of a time as any to do it, so here it is…

    Without sounding like a broken record, I’d like to repeat my golden rules of sugar dating:

    1. Don’t reward bad behavior.
    2. Don’t ignore warning signs.
    3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

    And especially for NSA SD’s,
    4. Don’t let her problems become yours.

    And since we’re in a group hug mode, let’s repeat these sugar mantras together:

    1. I ALWAYS have choices.
    2. I am RESPONSIBLE for the choices I make.
    3. I will NOT let anyone force me to do things I’m not comfortable with.

    Everyone’s experience in the sugar world will usually depend on the choices they make. Therefore, choose wisely and be ready to live with your choices. Now take a deep breath and think happy surgary thoughts!!

  5. SD Guru says:

    Now back to the blog topic…

    ” I want to keep all the sugar babies on Seeking Arrangement all to myself if I can help it.”

    That sounds naive and shortsighted, like a kid in a candy store who loves every type of candy and doesn’t know how much is enough. The reality is that each SD will value a different set of qualities in a SB based on his preferneces, experiences, and situation. Therefore not all SB’s will appeal to all SD’s and vice versa, so there is plenty to go around. For example, one SD might prefer the tall buxom playmate type, another might prefer the slutty naughty type, and another might prefer the girl next door type, so it’s not likely they’ll be fighting over the same SB.

    Do you currently have a sugar support system to turn to or share your experiences with (besides this blog)?

    One of the most satisfying experiences in the sugar world is to share my sugar adventures with fellow SD’s who are like minded, trustworthy, and willing to openly share without judgement. You’d think there are plenty of SD’s out there willing to share their experiences, but actually most prefer to keep things to themselves for whatever reasons. I have a small group of SD friends who I’ve known for several years and their presence has been invaluable during my journey in the sugar world. The SB’s have a large FB community for their support network, I guess that’s because it’s in women’s nature to share while most men prefer being solitary.

    Would you tell your “non-sugar” friends about your sugar daddy or sugar baby experience on Seeking Arrangement?

    As a married family man in the corporate world, I need to be discreet and keep my Real Life and Sugar Life completely separate. So absolutely not!

  6. AudreySB says:

    Yay! New blog.. I wanna meet other SBs. This blog is so helpful and I cannot help checking it everytime I can..
    Anyways, back to the topic…

    What character did you dress up as this Halloween?
    - I didn’t dress up for this Halloween :(

    Would you tell your “non-sugar” friends about your sugar daddy or sugar baby experience on Seeking Arrangement?
    - I told all my single girl friends about SA. However, the funny part is that they just thought that I was crazy even joining this website. None of my friends agree or even accepted my point of view.
    So I don’t even mention it anymore.

    Do you currently have a sugar support system to turn to or share your experiences with (besides this blog)?
    - I just started to write on this blog not long ago. I would love to meet other SBs who can understand where I’m coming from….

  7. NicoleinCA says:

    Hello!!

    I’ve been on the site off and on for a year but this past week has been my first time really posting on the blog. I agree with you AudreySB, I would like to meet other SB’s too!

    What character did you dress up as this Halloween? (Email your photo if you want to be featured!)

    I did not dress up.

    Would you tell your “non-sugar” friends about your sugar daddy or sugar baby experience on Seeking Arrangement?

    I’ve told my hair stylist, she thinks it’s great and wishes she could do the same, however she is married :)

    Do you currently have a sugar support system to turn to or share your experiences with (besides this blog)?

    I do not have a sugar support system besides this blog and would love to welcomed into one, or perhaps start my own. I’m in Orange County, CA. I haven’t met my perfect SD yet, though I’m still looking, I know he’s out there ;) I appreciate the advice from the other SB’s here on how to improve my profile, thank you!

    xo N

  8. Stormcat says:

    Hi :)
    Well I thought my sugar life was decidedly on hold for a while but then my xSB wrote me and wanted to meet again (no sugar, just hang out). Since I had to take a trip to Long Island anyway I said OK lets meet up at one of our old hangouts. We met and it was just like we had never been apart. Then toward the end of the evening she said Lets meet again only for a longer time, like we used to do. I said OK but I’m not quite sure whether she means lets restart the arrangement or lets just have a relationship again. It feels like the latter because she keeps emphasizing that she doesn’t want to put any financial stress on me right now. Anyway, I’m feeling a bit anxious and the whole interchange reminded me that I haven’t been on the blog for a while so I immediately logged on. I guess that I just need to hear from my old friends here once in a while.
    As far as the blog topic, I really haven’t shared my involvement on SA with many of my friends. Only those who are really close and who are open minded. For me becoming a member of SA was like an awakening of my social personality. Before this I was always reserved and more of an observer. I embraced the concept in it’s pure form. Suddenly, I felt included and desirable. I found out that I am attractive, quick witted, interesting, intellectually provocative, fun to be around, and generally socially astute. This has changed me, IRL, substantially. It opened me up. People view me as being unique, somewhat exotic, and I am now finding myself as someone who people trust and are drawn toward. . . I remember initially the feelings that I wouldn’t want to share this treasure with others, but as time went on, I began wanting to share it with those friends who I cared about and who I felt could also benefit from the experience.

  9. peony says:

    What character did you dress up as this Halloween?

    I dressed up as a naughty schoolgirl, and Black Cat, check her out, she’s a bad ass superhero!

    Would you tell your “non-sugar” friends about your sugar daddy or sugar baby experience on Seeking Arrangement?

    I have told a select few. I’m not in the mood to be judged by others who refuse to learn about the lifestyle, so I choose those I tell wisely. The ones that do know offer great outside insight though!

    Do you currently have a sugar support system to turn to or share your experiences with (besides this blog)?

    Hmm..other than my girlfriend who offers general dating advice (what to wear, etc), I haven’t formed a sugar support system yet. I’m new to this all and would love to share experiences and questions with any other SB’s out there! @ AudreySB – we’ll have to talk!! :)

  10. Stormcat says:

    As far as having a Sugar support network outside the blog . . . hell! I don’t even have a regular support network. As far as fellow SDs, I do consider Alleycat and SD Guru to be friends, yet I’ve never even met them nor do I e-mail them regularly. I guess it’s my fierce solitary spirit that keeps me from seeking a “sugar support network.” I believe that’s more something for the SBs.

  11. Anna Molly says:

    I was Gretyl this year :)

    Hi Stormcat! :)

  12. Stormcat says:

    Hi AM :)
    What a lovely avatar you’ve gotten yourself currently.

  13. SugarCandy says:

    Hi Everyone,

    Let me start by saying I’ve been lurking for two months now, in conjunction with starting my foray into the sugar bowl. I’ve found this blog and the SA blog community to be so amazingly helpful! I really appreciate you SD’s and SB’s who have the experience, insight and helpful advice to share with noobies such as myself. It really makes all the difference in the world :)

    @Brandon Cute costume! The most attractive thing about a man is his mind, well played :)

    @SDGuru You always give great advice and you do it so concisely and eloquently it’s a pleasure to read your thoughts and opinions

    @Stormcat I love hearing about your experiences and advice as well, I’m not an old friend, but I could be a new one :) I’m happy to hear you and your exSB are seeing each other again you certainly deserve more sugar in your life, I wonder about you mentioning you felt anxious though…hopefully that will pass and you and your SB can just go with the flow and enjoy each others company.

    I didn’t dress up this Halloween, which is the first time in my life! But I’m in Australia and they aren’t big on Halloween here.

    I’ve told the two people closest to me in my life at the moment about a little of my sugar baby experiences, but it hasn’t helped me very much because they are very unfamiliar which such subjects.

    So luckily for me, this online community has been my support group, and more valuable to me in such matters than my actual RL friends. Even so, I would love to meet up with local SBs to support each other so if anyone in Gold Coast, Australia wants to meet, just let me know!

  14. Stormcat says:

    SugarCandy ~ Thats an outrageously sweet handle . . . cool that you are down under! My exSB is half Ausi- half Kiwi and now a US Citizen. Alleycat is also from Australia so you might also enjoy chatting with him. I’ve traveled some but haven’t made it down to you yet although it’s on my bucket list. Anyway thanks for the encouragement . . . I’ve dated some lately, IRL, but she has my heart and I’ll be hard pressed to find anyone to match her. Regardless, it doesn’t matter anymore as I finally learned to savor solitary living and am not willing to settle for anything less than exactly right.

  15. Lydia Bennett says:

    Not sure how to let you know @ SugarCandy. how do i find your profile? im thinking you might have already hit my profile, though…im near GC and been lurking for more than a year.. and this is my first post here. You have inspired me to post because you are practically local :)..i do have a wonderful, but very part time SD interstate, and am loving what its all about .Would like to meet pot SD and SB buddies closer.

  16. Kindred Spirit says:

    *Waves to all, Stormcat, M Alleycat, Enigma, Guru, Midwest, Dallas, AM, new bloggers! Hi!* :D

    @Talleyrand (continued from “Communicating with SDs” from side bar blog), please don’t misunderstand me in that yes, I very, very much loooooove hearing from an SD’s perspective, and appreciated your input. Admittedly, I reacted based on what was written and only that, as it keyed me up inside with great and unstoppable passion…!!! :D I’m still sorry there are hardly more than three great profiles in your area…that sucks! My rant of passion was more of just wanting to share profile tips that have worked for me and may help others if they wish to try them.

    You bet, Aphrodite! Capture their attention, indeed. I think there should be more to the “profile tips” link, imo. Gather and rally up all your favorite tips, what works, what doesn’t, and post!

    That said, I wonder how the dynamics differ with SDs’ profiles and SBs’ profiles regarding…length. Short, eye-capturing and well written seems to be the highlight I read off many a blogger’s insight and preference. However.

    I guess it’s just me (?), but I adore long, interestingly descriptive, sharp and perhaps even “story-like” profiles…. Especially when their photos are “my type”(duh, ha), those SDs have me riveted with rapt attention in no time. I mean, honestly yes, photos are key in determining if reading further is worth one’s time, but once you do? Hope that what you read will keep your attention further.

    Long, interesting profiles (without giving your life story away, of course!) are such a turn-on to me I can’t tell ya’ll enough! But then, with the ratio as it is in the SD/SB SA-world, SD’s really don’t ~have~ to write much to get a ton of messages and winks. And I know you may say SB’s don’t really need to, either. Just make what you choose to write count, I know.

    Still.

    *Sigh* I may be in the ~minority~ in loving such long profiles (with good to excellent, not just passable or tolerable, English usage) from either an SD’s or SB’s end.

    Or am I?

    Your (a?)typical, romantically analytical “blog friend”, signing off. *Chuckling with glee* Good night, Dears! ~KS

  17. AudreySB says:

    @Peony
    Let’s talk ;) I love to get to know some of the SBs so I can really talk about what I am experiencing and hear everyone else story. I can’t really talk to my regular (?) friends about what is going on and get advice about my SA life. I live in Dallas area but I do often go to LA so let me know if anyone want to have little SB meet up :)

  18. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone!!

    Thanks Stormcart!! :D

  19. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Morning sugars!

    I was the most amazing exSB ever this Halloween :-)

    I have told my family and close friends about sugar. It made me realize how well I chose the few select friends I have because nobody passed judgment and they even enjoyed hearing the adventures that come along with sugar. My bff met one of my SDs and has enjoyed my visits as a perk.

    I have the most amazing sugar, turned IRL, support system from both SBs and SDs. I know my mistress will be a true friend for life along with the other wonderful people I’ve met in person through SA. I may not be in the bowl anymore, but the bowl will always be a cherished part of my life…it is full of great memories, new experiences, new people and great friends. This is something special that brings people together in ways you’ll never imagine.

  20. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    If you want to be put in touch with someone here, ask the “blog gods” to share your e-mails offline. They’re pretty good at helping to connect some. It’s easiest if you can submit one request to several sugars so they don’t get too bogged down with multiple requests.

    The blog is public, so posting any contact information isn’t advised.

  21. AudreySB says:

    Thank you Midwest! Who is ‘blog gods’? I am so new to this blog I have no idea what that is :)I I really want to meet other Abs for support and share our experience.

  22. KayCee says:

    Good morning all!!!

    I didnt dress up for halloween (bummer) but I did get some candy!!

    I only told my girlfriend and a close friend about SA because I dont need anyone trying to judge me or call me a whore…

    But whatever.

    My date went wonderful last night! He absolutely enjoyed the fact that I talk alot. He said it helped him relax and open up. He wants to meet again on sunday and he asked me to make a pay pal so he can make sure I can do something nice for myself. Ahh im sorry im rambling. Im just so excited!

  23. Anna Molly says:

    That’s great KayCee! I’m glad to hear things went well! Keep us posted!! :D

    Okay,I’m going to repeat myself because I’m a little excited too, but, the Gala was soo amazing!!! Mario Batali and Michael White came by our table and the food was, well, the best I’ve ever had!! It was FANTASTIC! :D

    AudreySB ~ The “Blog Gods” keep the blog up and running and can exchange our emails with each other so if there is some one you want to talk with off the blog jus say ” Blog Gods, could you please send my email to xxx” and they will make sure you two get in touch with each other. Hope this helps! :)

  24. KayCee says:

    @AnnaMolly- im glad you had fun!

  25. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks KayCee! I wrote it on a different blog, but, it was shut down and everyone started posting here. Mario Batali and Michael White are two of favorite chefs so I was a little star struck. :)

  26. KayCee says:

    AnnaMolly- I would have been too! I saw a few pro football players at my guy’s spot. I didnt want to disrespect him so I kept my cool and only looked at him.

  27. NewbieS says:

    advice needed:
    I know this has nothing to do with what you guys were posting about, but I need advice.
    Some men have offered me an allowance (around 1-2k) but when the time comes for us to share a bed together they want sex nonstop. I try to explain that Im not in the mood or that sex constantly makes me feel used, but they always say something along the lines of “we only see eachother 2 times a month and I’m so attracted to you I can’t help myself I’m not using you” OR they will ask something like “aren’t you attracted to me, don’t you want me sexually nonstop as well?”
    I was thinking of saying something like sex 3 times a day is my limit but that’ll make it seem like I’m into p4p. I don’t know what to say to them when they want sex and act as if its expected of me.

  28. Kindred Spirit says:

    NewbieS~ You don’t know what to say to them? Oh I bet you do dear, and don’t feel embarrassed about doing so. They don’t respect you as a person and only want your body. Ick.

    N. O.

    You have a good head on your shoulders, it appears. Trust your gut. They obviously don’t get “it” at all, or have a massively selfish perspective and are not considering your feelings. Don’t cave for any amount of money. You want to leave each meet with a man feeling happy, good about yourself and him, and fulfilled as well!!! :)

  29. Stormcat says:

    NewbieS ~ I sometimes wonder why the sex is so important in arrangements. I mean coitus without connection is simply friction. I personally feel that intimacy is so much about the enjoyment of one on one face to face body to body closeness and conversation caring and caressing being as if you were one person having a conversation with yourself. How can nonstop eFing even come close to that? Back away and look for a gentleman SD who understands the true nature of being a Sugar Daddy.

  30. Anna Molly says:

    I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far! :)

    NewbieS ~ I agree with Kindred and Stormcat. Don’t let these little boys make you feel like you’re obligated to them, that’s not cool and not the mark of a true gentleman. If any of these men had any couth about them they would take your feelings into consideration. If they really cared about you as a person they wouldn’t put so much emphasis on sex and just enjoy spending time with YOU and not just your body parts. I would suggest finding a real man who enjoys the person you are, someone who respects you, your intelligence and your true nature! Don’t let them manipulate you, be firm and stand your ground! You are a person, not a filet they can pull out of the fridge and devour any time they get in the mood for a peice of steak.

  31. Kindred Spirit says:

    Stormcat- Very well said and even more poignant coming from a sensual SD such as yourself. Thank you for sharing! *Smiles*

  32. MissLunah says:

    ” A man who treats a woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a QUEEN”…

  33. talleyrand says:

    Kindred Spirit,

    No worries regarding the prior blog conversation.

  34. DallasBaby says:

    NewbieS- get out of the bed and never do an overnight , asking for trouble !

    Just say, well it was great seeing you I have a dr appt to go to. Catch up later !

  35. DallasBaby says:

    AudreySB – I am in dallas also ! Would love to meet and chat ! Blog gods can you exchange emails please ?

  36. DallasBaby says:

    The next guy that tells right off the bat how high his sex drive is….I want to say oh great, I have a huge vagina ! HAHAHAH ! Both not sexy !!!!

  37. Anna Molly says:

    I’m in Rhinebeck and it sure as hell doesn’t feel like 50 degrees!

  38. NJbaby says:

    NYC feels pretty chilly!!!!!

  39. KayCee says:

    *sighh* Back to square. Mr.”gentleman” is just trying to have sex. And IN HIS CAR FOR 200 dollars and dinner at olive e garden. Ughh no thanks. I sent him a lovely farewell text and blocked him…

  40. AudreySB says:

    Yes dear Blog Gods can you exchange our emails? Dallasbaby I would love to meet u! Im so alone about my SA thing cuz none of my friends wouldn’t understand :(I I need someone I can talk to and ask advice etc…

  41. DallasBaby says:

    KayCee- That happened to me once on wyp, had a great date and when I asked for payment he said he did not feel comfortable paying in public but we should go sit in his car . He then asked if for an extra 300.00 could we go to the back of the parking lot and get a blow job ! I was horrified at how gross and tacky he was. He even drove an ashton martin and lived in the highland park area of dallas . Blow jobs in cars with strangers is not my thing! ugghhh!

  42. MissLunah says:

    DallasBaby… You ask to get paid per date?

  43. DallasBaby says:

    Yes, its a website where you get paid to date called whatsyourprice

  44. DallasBaby says:

    I met some pretty nice people so far, they are not looking for anything other than to date around but, at least I get paid for it. Only a few times have I had to ask for the money, most give it right away. I have had only two no shows and one guy refused to pay at all unless I took a gamble and slept with him to see what my prize was. I told him, I am not a gambler because they always lose ! It is much easier, has a few time wasters . I think that is just part of the lifestyle.

  45. MissLunah says:

    Oh.. don’t get me wrong… I think it is brilliant… they should have a website like that in Sweden… my mother has a housekeeping company and busy buisnessmen begg ordinary housekeepers to go with them to see a movie instead of cleaning… I can’t beieve I haven’t found it earlier… I have already told her about Sa.com :) (She’s not interested but she might tell her clients about the website).

  46. Anna Molly says:

    Lovely day in Nantucket! A little windy, but nice! :)

  47. Anna Molly says:

    Sorry to hear about that KayCee. Keep looking, your gem is out there! :)

  48. KayCee says:

    I refuse to give up (rven though I am a bit discouraged). I swear I would lose my mind if I didnt have you guys to talk to. Thank you all sooo much!

  49. KayCee says:

    Dear blog gods, can you exchange my email with AudreySB and DallasBaby?

  50. Zaina says:

    Hi to all!!
    What a shame!
    Please tell all your friends about SA!
    Being new to the field after much thought in the war room, I have arrived at SA to find not that many SDs in Australia :(
    I have exchanged emails, numbers, however nothing eventuates…..left feeling a little on the sad side.
    It looks like the US has all the fantastic SDs with profile pictures and all.
    It would be amazing to have a search option for last log in country…. lots of international frequent fliers out there!
    Also, where could I email my picture of me in a gypsy pirate outfit for Halloween? Maybe being featured could really do me some wonders!
    Much love, Thank you!

  51. Zaina says:

    Silly me – I just saw the email address now hahaha – it’s 2.36am here, excuses excuses

  52. KayCee says:

    Zaina- dont be sad. Even the American “Sd’s” can be flaky at times. Its hard on all of us, but persistance is key! You’re going to find a good one :)

  53. Zaina says:

    Ohhh thank you Kaycee, just reading your message gave me butterflies!
    I haven’t lost hope, I know that the SD/SB relationship I seek is out there – it’s all in good time.
    I know that my profile is very detailed, so I know I won’t receive many initial contacts.
    I’ve contacted most myself, and I receive a polite no, so it’s all good.
    *Now hold hands and repeat with me* “All in Good Time, Good means NOW” lol
    XoX

  54. KayCee says:

    Zaina- I recently had my profile evaluated by a sd. Maybe you should post your profile # on this blog and ask to be evaluated.

  55. PrincessTink says:

    I am new to SA, and haven’t had much luck so far…any tips would be extremely helpful!! :)[img]http://images.seekingarrangement.com/prod/photos/D97E845BD39F9DE017811EB1694AB93BTT.jpg[/img]

  56. Enigma SD says:

    Welcome to the blog, Princess Tink. If you give us your profile number, we can take a look and make some helpful suggestions. Also, there are some great links on the right side of the main blog page that provide some tips. The first tip I can provide is that many SDs are turned off by the term “princess.”

  57. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Enigma – I think she did you one better :-) Headed to the midwest in early December?

  58. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Kaycee – Keep trying and learning with each date. Perhaps looking back there were some red flags you wouldn’t have noticed as you get too caught up in the opportunity to be in an arrangement. Always pay attention to your instincts…they are usually correct.

  59. SugarCandy says:

    Hello lovely Sugars!

    Blog Gods will you please share my email address with Lydia Bennett, thank you ever so much.

    I just know we’ll get along fabulously because Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books!

    Thanks to AM and Midwest for sharing how to exchange emails :)

    @Stormcat, You’d love Australia, I’m sure. There are so many amazing travel destinations in the world though, it’s no wonder you haven’t been to Australia yet. It’s definitely hard to find time to take those trips which have extensive traveling time just to get to the destination, not to mention getting around once you’re there, hey?

    It makes me glad to hear that you know exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship, and aren’t willing to settle, that’s my mantra too! I think too many people in this world end up settling, but that’s no surprise because those people usually don’t really know what they want/need from a relationship. You know what you want and that’s more than half the battle, now it’s about finding it and keeping it…easier said then done, of course.

    I’m with Kindred Spirit on adoring SD’s articulate and well written profiles. The longer the profile is, the more tidbits I can garner about what this person is really like. I want to read most that they can express themselves well, in a manner that is intelligent and positive. Secondly, I want to know what interests them so that I can see if we have anything in common. Thirdly, I want to hear a little bit about what they are looking for in an arrangement. The more details the better in my opinion.

    My pet peeve for profiles is reading anything negative. I don’t want to hear about what a potential is not looking for. If someone says “I’m not looking to play games” “I’m not looking for a princess” I just feel pity for them. Because obviously they’ve had a bad experience, which sadly does happen to good people, but even so it’s a clear sign to me that they’re hung up on something and probably not psychologically in the right mind space to find a truly fulfilling arrangement.

    Also, I’d rather read the truth, then what one thinks the reader wants to hear, for example “I like driving my cars and relaxing at the pub with my friends on the weekend” rather than “I like long walks on the beach” unless they really do like long walks on the beach, then it’s ok! lol

    @Midwest, You are such an inspiration! Hearing about how wonderful your sugar turned IRL relationship and support from friends and family is such a blessed thing to hear. You give newbies like myself the courage to make everything they want from life happen for them as well :)

    @NewbieS You’ve received plenty of good advice here, I second everything that KS, Stormcat, AM, and Dallas baby had to say 100% their advice is solid. If someone wants you to do something you’re not comfortable with don’t be afraid to say no and uphold your values and self respect. Look for an arrangement which allows you to connect on a personal level with someone who values your mind as much as your body.

    You can’t be afraid to vocalize your expectations from your arrangements. I’ve had to do this myself, it’s not fun or easy to do, and can cause the end of an arrangement if one party can’t compromise. But if you’re like me your worries about how you may be perceived comes from a place of uncomfortableness because you are in an arrangement you’re unhappy with. Don’t settle for less than exactly what you want. You know you’re not happy with your current situation, so step back and really think about what it is that you’re looking for, then find someone who wants the same thing from an arrangement. It can be difficult to find but it’s worth it in the long run.

    If you decide to continue you’re arrangements for whatever reason I think at the very least you should renegotiate the expectations of each party, so tell them how you feel and don’t buy into their excuses. Be strong :)

    @Kaycee and DallasBaby What interesting experiences you’ve had on WYP! Despite the bad experiences it seems like that site is worth investigating further, so thanks very much for sharing your experiences.

  60. SugarCandy says:

    Wow, that’s a long one, I just find the collective experiences here so interesting lol!

  61. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    SugarCandy – Thanks sweets! Just to be clear, the sugar turned IRL with other sugar babies…my mistress in particular. We’ve become great friends that will stretch long past the sugar bowl. I treasure the friendships I’ve made with other sugar babies and still stay in touch with my former SDs. These days, I’m going the traditional route, but he seems to be an SD in the making…perhaps I’ve learned another skill :-)

  62. SugarCandy says:

    MidWest, ah I understand. I thought you had converted a sugar relationship with an SD into a conventional relationship. But knowing that your sugar turned real life relationships are friendship based is just as sweet. What would the world be without friends to share your highs and lows? :)

    I’m a fan of traditional relationships as well as sugary ones, I don’t discriminate against relationship types. You say he’s an SD in the making? You are more than capable of bringing that out of him, I’m sure!

  63. Lydia Bennett says:

    yes thanks im happy to exchange email addys with sugarcandy and zaina and , deep breath, yes SD critique welcome on my profile..
    512916

  64. DallasBaby says:

    KayCee- the guy who wanted sex in the car was he from WYP? I think I met him also! He drove an ashton martin?

  65. DallasBaby says:

    I think that is what the car is called? astin? ashton? I wouldnt know one if I saw one but he told me it was called that. hahah!

  66. Enigma SD says:

    Hey Midwest — I am guessing a posting got deleted. I need to make another trip to your area soon. I was actually in your town a few weeks ago — got there around 10 am and left at 7 pm though — was part of a whirlwind tour — thought of you though. Maybe NYC in mid December?

  67. Enigma SD says:

    Dallas Baby — close enough — Aston Martin – very pricey and rarely seen sports car.

    Lydia — as hilarious as it was, I would delete the info about the heels. etc — just my opinion, but I like to leave a little more to the imagination.

  68. KayCee says:

    DallasBaby-I met this guy on SA. He lives in my city but he told me he recently travele4 to anotger city. I wouldnt be surprised if it was him… That jerk…

  69. DallasBaby says:

    You have to be pretty trusting to have your privates in a girls mouth ! Thanks Enigma for the info on the car. I suck at knowing about cars. I know about shoes and purses though and skincare treatments. I have been going on WYP dates and the men keep telling me how they are not attracted to older females. I have to say these men are not lookers either . I am so confused when they say this. They seem to think they are perfect 10′s themselves. Who told these men that they have aged well like a fine wine yet the females have not? It is such a turn off when they say this ! Some look like the cript keeper too !

  70. SD Guru says:

    @DallasBaby
    Who told these men that they have aged well like a fine wine yet the females have not?

    For some women wealth and power are very attractive and can be a turn on. The crypt keepers you met probably think of Hugh Hefner and Howard Marshall as role models!

    You have to be pretty trusting to have your privates in a girls mouth!

    I think that goes without saying… for anyone to put their privates in someone’s mouth it will take more than trust!! :mrgreen:

  71. Stormcat says:

    I was just reading a couple of profiles (self torture) and I came accross this one that wrote thet she can’t travel out of the state because of work. So I look up to see what she does and it reads unemployed. lol! So is that really why she can’t leave the state?

  72. DallasBaby says:

    Yes, but what I am saying is do they not hold own looks to the same standards of what they are making fun of? They say the skin is all spotty and gross on older females, I notice they have it also. They say the females are just to old for them looks wise. Makes for a very shallow conversation then everything they say about the females I start looking at that in them. Makes me do a double take at the flaws they have.

  73. Michael Alleycat says:

    Stormy – either that, or it could be parole conditions lol.

  74. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Lydia – I think the profile and photos are fine. The line about the heels is pretty funny, I think I would leave it in as it does get the imagination going!

    Btw the way when you post here, make sure you do not use your real name as google does crawl this blog. Member info does not get crawled though.

  75. Jennymae says:

    Hi All !

    Quick questions–

    How many times do you let someone cancel and reschedule before you just write them off ?

    How long do you correspond with someone who wont return the favor of sending pics ? I sent 6 , he sent 0 , still wanted more in a certain style the he perfered . Just a pic collector ?

    Had a great first date lunch with a pot SD , have a second date set up . He metioned “playtime” on this next date , however we havent discussed allowance . I brought it up in email ( since he didnt ) after the first date. He made date and time for the second date , but still didnt bring up allowance . Any chance hes looking for the dreaded “test drive” ? ( which doesnt fly with me at all , lol )

    Would love feedback :-)

  76. SD Guru says:

    @Jennymae

    The answers are: 2, 0, Yes, Yes. :mrgreen:

  77. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat ~ I was thinking along those same lines . . . I don’t know if that makes her more or less intriguing. . . btw how are you? I haven’t even been lurking for a while and don’t know where you’re at/ how you’re doing.

  78. Stormcat says:

    SD Guru ~ That should be “The answers are . . .”

  79. Jennymae says:

    So thats 2 cancels , Yes hes a pic collector and Yes he wants a test drive .
    Ugh . . . . okay , moving on . . . . . . . . .
    Thats what I thought, but was trying not to be negative :-(

  80. Anna Molly says:

    Stormcat – I’m thinking parole too. One never knows though! :)

  81. talleyrand says:

    Jennymae,

    It sounds like you’ve pegged this guy. The sugar discussion should have happened during your first meeting. (I bring it up during drinks, so that one way or another, we can have dinner without tension.) It’s imperative to talk about this — both amount and timing — before you get intimate. Discuss this in person, not via electronic communications or by a phone call. Call me paranoid, but these formats either leave their own trail or can be recorded, and police still consider this discussion a solicitation.

  82. DallasBaby says:

    Jennymae- him talking about playtime is a red flag for sure.

    talleyrand – Drinking with a POT is a bad idea . I quit doing this because you let the guard down and the sugar daddy sometimes gets WAY to forward and handsy ! A shy guy turns into a nasty party animal !

  83. Jennymae says:

    @Tallyrand

    I was just concerned he would think thats the only thing I was interested in if I bring it up . And Ive noticed that literally of all the first dates Ive had , maybe 3 have brought it up in person . I HATE to bring it up , and i dont know but I think its the SDs role to bring up the topic , but if I have to — any good verbage on a tactful way to bring it up ?

  84. KayCee says:

    @DallasBaby this guy doesnt know mw from adam. I could have all kind of cooties! (i dont, btw)

  85. Stormcat says:

    DallasBaby & Jennymae ~ The thing about negotiating the details of the arrangement is that no one wants to make an arrangement if there isn’t any chemistry. As an SD I know after a first date whether there is ever going to be any chemistry. I assume that SB’s pretty well know it too. So I always bring up the discussion on the second date. On the other hand I’m sensitive to the concerns of SBs and will be willing to discuss it on the first date, or in the interim between the first and second, if she brings it up. However, that said, if she does bring it up, I will have a little uneasiness about the level of importance placed on the money aspects. In any case I handle it as a matter of fact and try to put no stress on the evening. (You should realize that for ligit SDs we encounter a lot of scams too! Things like women who suggest meeting at the highest priced restaurants and then order only those items that are expensive.) Anyway, I think that to go with the flow, (unless a lot of red flags intervene) and wait till he brings it up on the second date, which btw should be as safe and conservative as the first date. Then if he doesn’t bring it up drop him like a hot rock! In any case you should never have to broach the subject. . . If you have to bring it up, you are not dealing with a gentleman.

  86. Stormcat says:

    AM ~ well it’s not like I am ready to take on another SB in my life. I just thought how sad it was that she would put such a lame excuse in her profile and didn’t even notice that she put herself as unemployed. She is just setting herself up to be used! Probably the story of her life! :(

  87. Kindred Spirit says:

    If the SD wants to discuss/start sexual contact, fair’s fair that the SB can bring up the financial assistance/gifts part, with no awkwardness or embarrassment. That statement goes both ways. The key is being polite and not outright greedy/dirty-sounding, which is totally ew.

    Smile, flirt and be your awesome, self-confident self. Sure, at some point it’s all part of the discussion but by no means should that be the only or centerpiece discussion! If the person you are meeting doesn’t shine from within with a comfortable connection to you (and vice versa), no need to go further into it! If so, that’s where regrets will likely come into play….

  88. Stormcat says:

    That brings up something that I have wanted to express for a long time. Here and everywhere we are dealing with real people who have real desires and emotions and dreams. People who can’t accept that they are anything less than . . . whatever! What man doesn’t want to be the most desired stud/lover and what woman doesn’t wish she commanded the loyalty and reverance of a Helen of Troy. So if, all the while that we are defending ourselves, we can just feel the personalness of all this, then there will be a lot more arrangements and a lot more joy!

  89. Stormcat says:

    Kindred Spirit ~ Agreed, as you say it! But if the SD even brings up sexual or intimate interaction before he brings up arrangement details, then he is not a gentleman and you may want to reconsider the situation. You may win in getting an arrangement, but I would wonder whether he would honer his end without constant pressure. I predict the arrangement will never be one of those that lasts or satisfys.

  90. Jennymae says:

    Stormcat — Thats the thing — he DID already metion that on this second date he wanted “playtime” after lunch . Should I give him till the end of lunch to bring it up ? and if he doesnt , then I thank him for lunch and move on . So Yes , he did bring up intimate details before arrangement details , and when I emailed him after he avoided the topic . So to lunch and play it by ear ? or dont go to lunch at all ?

  91. Stormcat says:

    Jennymae ~ If you really like this guy, as if you would like to be with him even if it were irl, then just call him on it and see how he reacts. Otherwise, I think, mistake or not, he has passed his grace period and you need to move on. In either case, no lunch till it gets resolved.

  92. Stormcat says:

    Jennymae ! btw: If you wouldn’t want to be with someone irl then you don’t want to be with them in an arrangement! ! ! !

  93. Jennymae says:

    Liking someone, and not wanting to be used to 2 different things – same IRL . I thought one of the reasons why this site was different was that both parties were supposed to be able to be completely open and put their wants and needs on the table , without the stress.
    Well in that case , hes def past his grace period . I already brought it up once in email after the first date , I dont think I need to bring it up again .:-(

  94. Kindred Spirit says:

    Jennymae, IF you have a good gut feeling about him, go to lunch and see. It’s possible he was just being flirty and may be slightly clueless. It’d be the 2nd date, right? That’s the only benefit of the doubt I can see to give him. Also possibly he is just looking for a glorified, NSA-girlfriend, but then he’s not on the right site.

    I guess it boils down to, do you LIKE this person, Jennymae? Is he worth the time and energy meeting again? Sometimes it does take a few dates (but no more than 2, really) to set things up, but only you can say whether you have the hots for him back and want to know him better and think there’s potential when he does discuss the arrangement with you at lunch.

    Better yet, can you text/write him first to ask if he’s cool with talking about what SA is about more clearly with you over lunch? If he balks or sidesteps the question, don’t even bother meeting. If he’s an interested gentleman, he’d say, “Of course!”

    @Stormcat, thank you! To clarify I only mean that people can say flirty, sensual things but it is in the way of flattery, and not pressure (speaking from experience). Sadly, many people are just plain vulgar in their language usage and if it is like that, then noooo. :) Anyway, I think your words hit the nail on the head as well, and I’ve always thought of you to be very cued-in to your understanding of how you see a budding, fulfilling arrangement! You also appear to me to be more of a “romantic SD”. ;) Am I wrong, there?

  95. Kindred Spirit says:

    Jennymae, sorry I just read more slowly and see you already had your 2nd date? Yes, time to be kindly clear with him, if he feels worth meeting for lunch! Good luck, dear! :)

  96. Kindred Spirit says:

    Oops, I mean, *If YOU feel he’s worth meeting for lunch! Yikes, that’s enough of me writing for now, if my editing is getting too sloppy, haha.

  97. Jennymae says:

    KS- No we havent had the second date yet . The second date is whats pending here . My thing is if hes comfortable enough asking for intimacy and discussing his needs , he should also be comfortable discussing mine . Basic communication here , just like any IRL relationship . But just as IRL , communication is one of those things we often take for granted , lol.
    Ill check back in a few days with an update ;-)

  98. Stormcat says:

    KS ~ Guilty! http://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif Tortured Bohemian Romantic here :)
    I keep trying to convert all bloggers to sugar-romanticism and I think I’ve some succeded in spirit but the practicality of sugarland makes it difficult! lol

  99. Stormcat says:

    Obviously I haven’t figured out how to make a green smily (SD Guru ~ Help!)

  100. DallasBaby says:

    Jennymae – intimacy on the second date is very strange . Seems more like he is rushing things way to fast. An sugar daddy date should be a shopping spree or something not lunch again! He should offer these things on his own and never even speak of sex, sex is what comes after you feel you are spoiled and want to have sex because you are so happy about the amazing treatment . you do not even know this guy so why would you have sex with him? treat it like you would a boyfriend and he should treat you like he would a girl he is dating. Boyfriends spoil girls also! he sounds more like a pay per play john to me.

  101. James.m says:

    AM – drop me a line if you get this, would you? I’m at the same address.

  102. SD Guru says:

    @Stormcat – Just google “wordpress smileys” and you too can have many more smiley options!

  103. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey James!

    Guru – will get back in a bit…don’t know yet.

    Enigma – Just getting the new job up and going. I get to dictate my schedule, but not sure if the budget will allow. So far, it’s great! Let me know closer to the time. It could work out better now that I have friends in NYC. :-)

    JennyMae- it’s been said…follow your instincts. He should be willing to discuss your needs, but you have to balance the conversation to make it like he’s supporting your goals and not just offering money for your time. Guys are proud and it’s important to nurture that. A good conversation starter is “what kind of arrangements have you had in the past…what worked and what didn’t?’ . If he hasn’t done it before, he has to be willing to learn. Ask him if he’s read the blog or Brandon’s book. Ask him what he envisions an arrangement to be. Hopefully, he will ask the same questions. If he avoids the conversation, then either he’s not an SD or he’s a gift daddy. Know what you’re willing to accept and don’t settle for less. Settling tends to breed resentment.

  104. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Blog gods…could you kindly share my e-mail with WildatHeart? Thanks!

  105. Lydia Bennett says:

    Many thanks for responses, the heels line (dare you not to smile) has actually found me my last 2 Sugars..Aussies.. and of course im not using my real name..but i wanted a name that is comfortable and sounds real, sort of like you actually know me already.. so thats worked..he he..
    really there are not many SD’s here. my ideal would probably be the date for a travelling SD who comes here.

  106. Wildatheart says:

    that would be me. thanks guys.

  107. Alleycat says:

    Someone viewed me tonight, her profile said “5ft 3in, 172 lbs, average build” lol. Seriously?

  108. Anna Molly says:

    James.m – You have mail! :)

    Hey everyone! :)

  109. Jennymae says:

    Good morining all !

    DallasBaby — where are you finding these guys? Honestly I havent met a guy will actually offered to take me shopping in years ! My very first SD did , but he was amazing, and NO ONE has ever come close to him . When I even remotely metion my past arrangements that were great ( when new pots ask me if ive had arrnagements before ) the new pots automatically dismiss my past great experiences and tell me the economy is different now. Is that really a legitimate excuse these days ? If things are that horrible for them , maybe they should want to be an SD .

    Midwest– This isnt his first arrangement . We talked about our past arrangements . And hes said how many great experiences he had , etc etc . If this isnt his first rodeo , Id think hed be comfortable discussing my needs . I NEVER make it the main topic of conversation . Like I said , I hardly ever even want to bring up the topic . I in fact did ask — so how did you past arrangements works out ? Hopping he would give details , but didnt . Thats pretty much the most direct thing Ill ask .

  110. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat ~ Well maybe she is thinking average in the context of her present locale . . . :)

  111. Jennymae says:

    meant ” shouldnt want to be an SD ” oops

  112. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Jennymae – It could be a few scenarios
    1- He isn’t being truthful about his history…run
    2- He has had prior SBs but they did do “test drives” so that is his expectation…tell him you’ll be intimate when the time is right not just because an allowance is being discussed. Give him a kiss or two that brings him to his knees so he knows there is a smoldering fire! If he walks, he did you a favor.
    3- He may be more comfortable discussing it after the second, non-intimate, but flirty, date.

    My experience has been as follows:
    1st SD came to the blog and learned from other SDs per my recommendation. After the first date (he kissed me on the cheek after dinner…never any hint of sex), we discussed terms over e-mail.

    2nd was a gift/travel daddy but he gave in to a smaller allowance when I shared what I was trying to accomplish through sugar. He was long distance, so we met in my city, had dinner, nice kiss goodnight, arrangement was agreed upon before second date in Vegas. He was never really comfortable with giving an allowance, but he tried with honest intentions.

    3rd SD was familiar with true sugar and we discussed terms rather quickly. We met first over coffee and he was also a complete gentleman. He was a long-distance SD, so it was nice to get details out of the way early. He also made it very easy to discuss everything without judgment.

    First indication of a true gent is that he will treat you with respect, hold off on the sex conversation and be willing to discuss the arrangement in a non-judgmental and practical fashion You have to let the gent know that anything less is unacceptable. Be willing to leave the table if he shows any sign of disrespect. Refuse to communicate via e-mail if he gets too suggestive, etc. You will go on less first meets, but they will be of high quality and less stressful.

  113. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Lydia – The heels story is hilarious! I know other countries are less inhibited than the gold ol’ US, but I wonder if men will see it as an opportunity to “hook up” rather than treat it as a serious arrangement. Also, you might want to put something that indicates if you are in an open marriage or need your own discretion (not just his). That said, if you need discretion, then practice it on your profile. Anyone could peg you with your location and your pictures.

    Example – did you know someone can view your profile without logging in? All they need is either a link or profile number and they can use the “browse sugar babies” link, put in the address or profile and number to see your profile.

    This isn’t criticism…just words of caution. There are some very successful, married SBs on the blog, but realize you may experience a double-standard when it comes to married women and arrangements.

  114. Jennymae says:

    Miswest–

    He never metioned sex in the email or texting , just brought it up after our first date. I emailed him again , just general stuff, but vaguely asked again how he worked the allowance thing in the past . He basically just said we can play it by ear once were there ( ie the hotel) I think im gonna walk on this one . And I never cancel dates , but I think I have a good reason to.

  115. Jennymae says:

    Oh and I dont think hes interested if the second date doesnt contain intimacy , So Im probably not interested in someone that doesnt respect my needs and comfort level

  116. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Jennymae – I think I would handle it like this:
    Dear …..,
    I truly enjoyed our time together …. I especially liked (insert funny, memorable thing that happened during date). I would love to see you again and feel we have the potential for a great arrangement, however feel a hotel is a bit presumptuous. Let’s meet for dinner and get details and expectations settled before we go to the next step. I find you genuine, kind and a gentleman…I hope I’m right.

    XO

    Jennymae

  117. Jennymae says:

    Midwest– okay thanks for the imput :-) I wont use it verbatim obvioulsy , but it gives me an idea . I just hope hes not one of those test drive guys who think allowance is “performance ” based , and therefore thats the reason why he wont discuss it beforehand. Theres NO WAY Im even entertaining that idea ! Hes prob just on the wrong site , lol

  118. DallasBaby says:

    Jennymae – sounds like he wants to be in the drivers seat, I firmly believe it is the female that needs to be in the power position. I believe it is the female that has the most to offer .

  119. SouthernGent2 says:

    Interesting topic for certain. I have to keep this part of my life private from friends and family. As far as I know, nobody close to me has any idea at all.

    Selfishness – I just met someone on a date that told me a guy offered her 1000 just to get off the site right at the moment they met. Handed her his I-phone and asked her to log in and cancel. She didn’t do it, though she told me the guy was okay and that she would consider seeing him again. Personally I would have taken the 1000 and waited a couple of days to create a new profile ;-)

  120. Enigma SD says:

    Interesting story SG2 — hope all is well with you!

    DallasBaby — there is one version of the golden rule that says… he/she who has the gold rules but the version of the golden rule that I prefer says to treat others how you would like to be treated. Hopefully, these sugar relationships aren’t about power plays but are more about mutual respect.

  121. Wildatheart says:

    @Jennymae, I certainly know what you’re talking about. SDs are wanting to get intimate right away with me w/o discussing any FAs. One of them took me to his house the second time and I knew it was a set up to get intimate. When I bring up the FA part they simply ignore it or tell me they didnt think it was purely financial. I mean hello?
    Are they confused?

  122. DianaSBinOC says:

    @ Enigma I was taught just the opposite growing up. The one that has the p****y makes the rules. Obviously if you couldn’t have sex with your sugar baby you wouldn’t have her around at all nor would you be giving her such golden treats. Ohh and power play? Yes power exchange is huge on this site. Look at the majority of the men on this site. Are they hot, sexy studly men? No Would women want to sleep with them if they were walking down the beach in nothing but a speedo ? No. So now on this site they have the chance to have the hottest and brightest women from all over dying to get their attention. Now all those years of refusing to hit the gym no longer matter. They spent their time and energy building their financial future. Now they can use money as a bartering tool.

    Now think about the guy that looks like the others here but doesn’t have much money to part with yet wants the same benefits. He knows he can’t actually afford to support a sugar baby’s financial needs yet his ego is also not able to handle that without the money, exotic travel destinations and gifts she wouldn’t be there.

    Ohh and I didn’t forget about the hot , successful SD . Now these gorgeous men have nothing to prove. They can get a lady undressed with a glance and warm smile. So there isn’t a real power struggle here. They know what it’s like to have doors open and close based on their looks. These men understand most Sb’s without having to make her jump through hoops. I find that the better looking the SD is the better you’ll be treated. The unattractive ones seem to be overly picky, pushy and sadly cheap.

    Actually watching that True Life Sugar Baby episode was just a hint into the reality. But wasn’t that fat ugly guy being overly vulgar and pushy but the hot sexy guy was so sweet and so giving?

    I have a platonic friend that’s a SD and he’s obese and ugly. He’s had sb’s and he treats them like garbage. I mean he actually tells me the things he makes them do and I always go off on him about it. He brags about all of the hot women he’s had and even shows me pictures telling me that HE is out of their league based on his high level of intelligence and educational goals that he’s achieved. He has a brilliant mind but he’s an ugly person to any woman that he finds attractive. He tried hitting on me hard offering me money and gifts but I flat out refused him. He enjoys chatting with me because I call him on his bs all the time and I’m probably the only person that doesn’t care about how much money he has. I try to give him advice on getting back in shape but he feels that as long as he has money who cares how fat he is? Women will still sleep with him with enough financial support but then he resents them for it and takes it out on them.

    @JennyMae Drop that guy and fast. He doesn’t respect you , He’s hoping to use you and get out. Again some of the guys here use the promise of money as a lure. Just block him and move on to someone else. If you were wealthy, would you want that man touching you? If the answer is No then cut him off now.

  123. DallasBaby says:

    DianaSBinOC: You are soooo right! To me the gold is beauty and men just want us to think they have a pile of gold ! If they walk away from the nice car we would not even know they had money and they are very abusive and picky because they do know that in the end they have nothing to offer other than money.

  124. Wildatheart says:

    @DianaSbinOC and DallasBaby, thank you for this post. I totally agree. So every time a pot SD wants to try and make me feel like I owe them something, they better take a good look in the mirror! One had the audacity to touch my hair on the first meeting w/o any FA talk, like I was some sort of a prize donated to him, and he was totally gross. I get heebie jeebies even at the thought.

  125. Wildatheart says:

    [img]http://www.thegremlin.com/Website%20Images/SB/16212sb.jpg[/img]

  126. SD Guru says:

    The discussion about whether it’s the one that has the gold or the one that has the p***y makes the rules reminds me of the “sugar reality” post about a year ago. That is, there are different “realities” in the sugar world based on each person’s values and experiences. While I’m sure one person’s reality is very real to that person, that reality may not be shared by others. So it doesn’t matter who makes the rules, the bottom line as Enigma said is that a sugar relationship should be based on mutual respect.

  127. Chasewhatmatters says:

    @DianaSBinOC, @DallasBaby, @Wildatheart

    More power to you ladies! Thank you

    As an older SB, I had been avoiding the younger SDs. (BIG MISTAKE). I find there are very few SD my age that look as if they ever pass by a gym. I go on a regular basis to stay in pretty good shape. Not to mention, (and I never do) my years in the construction trades didn’t hurt either. Information like that, would burst the bubble of many older SDs. I find many of them extremely bitter and disrespectful. I had one today, complain about the site, that he can get sex anywhere.
    I suggested, perhaps he was on the wrong site. I’m sure after a certain age there is not much most men can do in the bedroom anyway. I’m finding that younger SDs bring more to the table, and the bedroom………..

  128. Chasewhatmatters says:

    Remember the Matrix ladies! The blue pill will send a SD into a FALSE REALITY and maybe the ER.

  129. c'mon people says:

    I can’t totally blame the fat ugly guy for the way they treat the women who throw themselves at him. I mean the women need to take some of the blame for giving him license. I have had a couple of SDs that were quite overweight and of course I appreciated the allowance but there’s no way I would not have been with them if they were not genuinely sweet, good people. These are guys that would attract women even without the money because they are so intelligent and nice. There’s a young guy at this site who is overweight and hideous and his profile is not to be believed. He says he is better than most of the men at this site and would not date less than a model. Then there are the ones who frequent this blog and would never date a woman over the age of 30. Under 30 is a big ego boost for them. They like the young ones because they fawn all over them and are impressed byt every little thing and the older women call them on their BS like you Diana. That probably makes him want you even more.

  130. NJbaby says:

    Ladies (and gents!) I have a question…I’m not sure what I should say….

    So my current SD and I agreed on an allowance for my rent and gym membership basically. Last month I received it on the 1st of the month….but here it is the 11th, and we’ve seen each other a few times this month, and I haven’t received it. Can I ask about it? My last SD would just have it waiting for the first time we saw each other that month. Is there a polite way to ask without sounding greedy?

  131. Enigma SD says:

    I agree with you SD Guru — my reality of sugar dating appears to be different from others here. I have had three long term sugar relationships, and they were all based upon mutual respect. If I ever felt there was some type of power play going on, I would have ended the sugar relationship.

    NJBaby — don’t be ashamed for asking what you negotiated when you have lived up to your end of the deal. I would recommend saying something like… My rent is overdue and it is going to be a problem soon (pause for a bit). If he doesn’t say something, then ask if there a problem that I need to know about. Texting this maybe perfect because the pause will be natural.

    I hope it works out for you… sorry this is happening.

  132. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning Everyone! :D

  133. Enigma SD says:

    Heya Anna Molly — hope all is well :)

  134. Anna Molly says:

    Hey Enigma! Everything is good! How are things with you? :)

  135. Michael Alleycat says:

    @NJBaby – I am with Enigma on this. Ask politely, via txt is a good way.

    Hope everybody has a good Veteran’s Day – remember all those who have fought in all the wars all over the world, and remember those who have made the greatest sacrifice of all.

    In Australia and most Commonwealth countries, today is called Remembrance Day, also known as Poppy Day for the poppies that bloomed across Flanders after horrific battles in WW One. This poem is a central part of the celebrations, ending with “Lest We Forget”.

    They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
    Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
    They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
    They fell with their faces to the foe.

    They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
    Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
    At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
    We will remember them.

    Lest We Forget.

  136. NJbaby says:

    Thanks Enigma and Michael Alleycat :) Will update with what happens!

  137. Mia says:

    Hey Guys – I’ve been lurking for a while but now I have a question! :) I have a pot. who has agreed to meet me next week at a up scale bar but keeps dodging my questions asking for his photo! Is he someone I should just steer clear off or should I go meet him anyway?

  138. Enigma SD says:

    Mia – you have to trust your gut instincts and decide how important it is to see a picture first. If his looks weren’t what you were seeking, would you cancel? How much effort will it take to meet him? If he is dodging your questions for pictures, how do you feel about that? You can put it as an ultimatum — no picture no meet, but are you ready to have him cancel? I never exchanged pictures with my first SB and we were together two years. You are meeting in a public place so you should be safe. Most people look better than their pictures anyways. And now the answer to your question, if you have good chemistry via your communications to date, I would meet him.

  139. collegenewbie says:

    Hello everyone:

    I have been at the site a few months so this is all new to me. Have been e-mailing a potential SD and we are at the stages where we are discussing the financial part. His profile says open negotiable as does mine. He had one sugar baby before and he gave her gifts and dinners out but I need an allowance. I know some women here get over 10,000 a month but what do most of you get? I was thinking of asking for 5,000 a month. is this unreasonable? I have rent and school loans and debt to pay. How do I approach the subject. How often do you see your sugar daddy?

  140. NJbaby says:

    @collegenewbie

    5k a month is a lot of money for an allowance. That’s 60k/year…which is more than a lot of salaries (mine included!). Keep in mind also, a man who is giving you 5k/month may have very different expectations with regards to what he wants in return. It may not be unreasonable, but that is a lot to ask for as an allowance, especially as someone new to the sugarbowl. Do you have a job? You may also want to consider having more than one SD. I see my SD about once a week, maybe twice. His schedule is super busy, so we fit time in when we can.

  141. collegenewbie says:

    Hi NJbaby:

    I don’t have a job as I am in school full time
    May I ask what you allowance is so I can get an idea? Can others chime in as well?

  142. Enigma SD says:

    CollegeNewbie — it depends upon a number of factors… how often are you going to see each other? How much time will you spend communicating between visits? Does the SD expect you to be available at all times? Does he expect you to beexclusive? What is the cost of living in your area? In general, the higher the allowance the higher the expectations, not unexpectedly.

  143. Michael Alleycat says:

    @CollegeNewbie – a lot also depends on your location. NYC cost of living is very different from Phoenix, incomes and very different and so are allowances. Supply and demand also plays a role as well.

  144. DallasBaby says:

    A good range would be 1,000 per meeting so up to him how many meetings. Some meetings last up to three hours so more than fair. I do not like to talk money I just wait it out til at least 1,000 is spent or given before I move forward on my end as I do not want the what do I get for the money question.

  145. Kaya says:

    Ok… so I met a pot SD the other day… and I am so confused!!! We had a great time… talked all the time… he didn’t even want to leave. While on the date he kept asking me about school, and how much it costs etc… and I told him straight up that my school is almost covered… and I have very few bills, no credit cards etc….and I am in it to find somebody interesting and fun to meet once in a while. The entire night he kept telling me how beautiful I was and whether or not I will give him a chance… He tried to hold my hand on the few occasions, but I told him that I do not feel comfortable doing so with somebody I just met… and when I was leaving he tried to kiss me… and I just gave him a little peck… what I felt was appropriate at that time…

    Ok… so here where my confusion comes from… we went to a sushi place… I ordered something simple… and so there he comes… decisions… looks at the menu tortures the waitress back and forth asking her to go to the Chef and ask about the “how fresh this is.. or this is”… It was a regular sushi place nothing too fancy (my pick). After he finally ordered, and we finished the dinner and it came down to paying…. he paid a bill of about $36something with a $100 bill but as he did it he grabbed her hand and said something like; “Honey, just bring me $60″…. Hmm… $3 tip? really? I felt bad for the waitress… I just had my card but if I had cash I think I would leave her some extra tip for him being like that. I might not have much money.. but I always leave at least a 20% tip.

    Any thoughts? Am I just being silly or are those some of the early “warning signs”?

  146. NewYorkGirl says:

    Hi girls, I am new , registered 2 days ago. I read in this blog about NYC SB meeting:) any help , advice would be deeply appreciated. Any NY SB here want talk to me? Thanks.

  147. NewYorkGirl says:

    To Kaya.
    I think if a guy cheap with a waitress , he is cheap with everyone. I do not think he will give you any money, or give your the minimum small amount and would have 3 hours session . Sorry, just my opinion.

  148. DallasBaby says:

    Kaya, he sounds like tons of drama. Did you hear that men as they get older have man – o – pause and this is why so many are cranky with bad sex drives. I prefer to date younger men with a normal sex drive. An older man will X you out of the picture over stupid stuff because the sex drive is all messed up ! They can do with you or without you. They say men can get treatment for it though. I knew something was off with older men , it all comes together since I saw the news report on it.

  149. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Kaya – I would next him. ,Too much drama, too cheap. Not worth it. Keep looking!

    @DallasBaby – can you define “older”? I am curious as to your experiences? I am 54, and not having any problems….. I have found that my sex drive has changed for the better as I have aged, it just gets better, but the urgency to bang someone 3 times a day has been replaced with a different and much more satisfying desire.

    Any other SD care to comment?

  150. DallasBaby says:

    Men and the “Midlife Crisis”

    If you ask a person when “middle age” begins, the answer, not surprisingly, depends on the age of that respondent. American college-aged students are convinced that one fits soundly into the middle-age category at 35. Respondents who are actually 35, however, would beg to differ with these youngsters. Rather, for them, middle age is still half a decade away, with 40 representing the inaugural year. Such disagreement over when this term applies—perhaps it’s simply whenever one starts using expressions such as “youngsters” and “young people”—may be an entirely American affair, however. Recently, a large sample of Swiss participants spanning several generations agreed with one another that middle-aged people are those who are between 35 to 53 years of age.

  151. Michael Alleycat says:

    @DallasBaby – just curious, how has your experience with middle-aged or older men been? Do I detect a note of disappointment?

  152. collegenewbie says:

    I have dated IRL men over the age of 40 and its usually disappointing in terms of sex. Over the age of 50 they usually have problems ….umm…sustaining and one time is it. But every single one of them swore they excelled at other things and would rock my world. They all say this and all of them were average at best. I now stick to men between the age of 35-40. that works best for me. It just feels too weird to me to be with someone my dads age and it baffles my mind as to how a 50 year old man could be with someone 30 and under (their daughters age). It’s just way too creepy to me

  153. collegenewbie says:

    I wonder how the men over 50 feel knowing their SBs are maybe only with them for the allowance for the most part. Does it bother you or so you not care as long as they give you what you want. (even if they are laughing behind your back all the way to the bank)

  154. DallasBaby says:

    Michael, Everything you like in a young female is what I like in a young male. They have that pep in the step, a young cute face, smooth skin, white teeth, funny, athletic, thick shiny hair, tan body, full lips……….ohhhh sexy !!!

  155. collegenewbie says:

    I’m with you Dallas Baby. Everything they don’t like in an older woman, I don’t like in an older man LOL

  156. NewYorkGirl says:

    Hi
    I am 37 and I had sex with 2 “older” guys. One was 46 y old, (yes, midlife crisis I would think, ) but he was very very good in bed. And another 57 and… He was super super good. I felt like he is 20 y old. And he has all his hair, and a good kisser; sorry, I do know your rules, if we can discus this here, in blog. so I would not put labels or stigma just base on their age. But honestly I do not have too much experience (was married for many years, and had only my husband as a sex partner).

  157. DallasBaby says:

    NewYorkGirl, I am 17 years younger and when me and those young hotties go at it …you would think the circus is in town. I am backed up against the wall with legs in the splits then do a back bend trying to land on the hot dog! ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  158. NewYorkGirl says:

    Thank you Dallasbaby for your reply. I am new as I wrote .
    Did not have that experience :)
    You see there are a lot of 20 y old hot girls in here. I do not know if I have a chance. :)

  159. Anna Molly says:

    NewYorkGirl – I’m 36 and have had wonderful luck here. You don’t have to be 20, you just have to be patient. :)

  160. Anna Molly says:

    Oh, and I must say that I genuinely LOVE being with my older gent. He’s caring, loving, sweet, thoughtful and knows exactly what he’s doing. ;)

  161. NewYorkGirl says:

    Thank you Anna Molly for support.
    I am so in need of SB advice. One gent offered me an arrangement (long term, good offer) and he is asking “test drive” (just learned this term here. Lol). I tend to trust people (and I am just afraid to be used, and abused). Is it the risk we have to take .. Or…. How does it work?

  162. DianaSBinOC says:

    @ NewYorkGirl : DO NOT DO TEST DRIVES.!! He is a scam artist trying to see if you’re desperate enough to fall for the game. He’s not a real SD but a John looking for free sex. Block and move on.

  163. Anna Molly says:

    NewYorkGirl – I would “next” this guy. We all have to put up with the requests for test drives, but as soon as they bring them up just move on and don’t waste your time.

  164. NewYorkGirl says:

    Thanks girls.
    But how do I do it? Ask for money before we go to the hotel? I do not want to feel like a prostitute asking cash… Before . I guess ideally a gent would offer and give it first (even before a girl ask). The arrangement he want to do … Is like .. Omg.. I would be official employee of his company, and he would pay me a real paycheck (not cash), yes I would have to pay taxes from the check (but I would get medical and dental). Any one had this arrangement? Or it is all fake. Thank you .

  165. Anna Molly says:

    This is how it happened for me. My gent and I met for lunch and went to a museum and had a great time. At the end of the date he gave me a very nice monetary gift and we both expressed interest in seeing each other again so we made another date. Second date, same thing. By the 3rd date he said ” I really like you, A LOT, anid I want to take care of you. What are wants needs and goals?” We didn’t get “together” right away, we took it slow and waited until the time was right, for both of us! :)

    Now, everyone approaches arrangements differently, so I’m sure others will chime in with their experiences. :)

  166. Anna Molly says:

    Oh, sorry, I didn’t read the message right. I’ve never had an arrangement like that so I’m not sure how that would work.

  167. Anna Molly says:

    Sorry for typos. Auto correct….sigh.

  168. SD Guru says:

    @NewYorkGirl
    One gent offered me an arrangement (long term, good offer) and he is asking “test drive”… Is it the risk we have to take …?

    You don’t have to take any risk that you don’t want to take.

    The arrangement he want to do … I would be official employee of his company, and he would pay me a real paycheck

    I would not recommend mixing “work” and sugar that can leave a paper trail.

    @Dallasbaby, et al
    Did you hear that men as they get older have man – o – pause and this is why so many are cranky with bad sex drives. I prefer to date younger men with a normal sex drive.

    I have no doubt that some men have problems as they age, but I wouldn’t generalize it as you have stated. Your preference to date younger men is no different than some SD’s preference to date younger SB’s. We’re all free to make our own preferences. Would it surprise you (and others like you) to know that some younger women actually find older men preferable in bed due to their knowledge and experience? Personally speaking I have never had any complaints from my SB’s. But then this is not about my SB or your SD is younger and hotter than someone else’s…, right? :P

    Here’s another way to look at it: Do younger men make better dates? And do younger men make better SD’s? Please note these are two completely different questions.

    when me and those young hotties go at it …you would think the circus is in town. I am backed up against the wall with legs in the splits then do a back bend trying to land on the hot dog!

    Sounds like you’re doing most of the work, so in that case does it matter how old the guy is?? :mrgreen:

    @Kaya
    Any thoughts? Am I just being silly or are those some of the early “warning signs”?

    Based on what you described, ask yourself if you can find someone better than that. If the answer is yes, then you know what to do.

    @Collegenewbie
    I know some women here get over 10,000 a month but what do most of you get? I was thinking of asking for 5,000 a month. is this unreasonable?

    As others have commented, what’s a reasonable allowance depends on many factors. Whatever you decide to ask for, make sure you can clearly articulate and justify it when you discuss it with your pot SD. This is similar to a salary negotiation in the real world.

  169. Anna Molly says:

    Morning everyone! :)

  170. NewYorkGirl says:

    Morning, many thanks to AnnaMolly and SD Guru. Thank u for your time and advices.
    SD Guru can I clarify my situation. He is an older Jewish married man. It is hard to cash (let,s say 4-5k a month) and handle it to me. If his company pays me (I do need to show up to work in his company) much more beneficial for him (I guess my salary is tax deductible for him :) did I mention he is Jewish :), and he does not feel like he is paying cash for sex, which “depressing” for some guys). But then again, my first paycheck would be in 2-3 weeks, and we have to be together (for 4-6 time), to me know it is a TRUST situation. If I can trust him …. (he said this arrangement he had for 7 years before his ex SB moved out of the city).

  171. Lindsical says:

    I’ve been a SB since October and I’ve had found that I can tell people about what I want in life and they want to join in. I send them to SA because those other sites just are… LACKING in quality that this site. I found this out when my first pot SD flaked on me. All the other men out there are pic collectors, or want sex. I’m not a prostitute or anything like that.

    With SA I’ve not had one offer like that, yet. BUT it seems that most of the men on these types of sites only want thin women and don’t appreciate BBWs.

  172. DallasBaby says:

    My young hotties are great in bed and they do spoil me in so many ways. I just enjoy a mans looks also . I do not hang out with anyone who is not generous. It is just a turn off. I will say when we get into a real relationship and he is hot I try to save him money. You know you are off the chain hot if a girl is clipping coupons and shops around for better deals on things. If she goes for the most costly stuff chances are you are not her type. Point is , if you want someone to not use you for money then perhaps date own age.

  173. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    NewYorkGirl – Your proposed arrangement has red flags all over it. A married man overpaying a young, hot female, who may or may not be qualified for said position, is leaving an opportunity for an audit, for HR to question his business practices and for his wife to find the paper trail and get you pulled into divorce court. Is he the sole decision-maker in this business? Do you really want to pay taxes on your allowance? What happens when the arrangement ends (provided it gets started)? Do you file for unemployment? I have seen this type of arrangement turn ugly quickly. The fact he is wanting a test drive before offering this “great” deal is another indication that he will be gone before you ever see your first “paycheck”. There are networks of SBs in NY who know most of the scammers, so look around other social networks and blacklists to do your homework.

    I don’t know how many times we have to repeat this ….
    SUGAR IS NOT ABOUT SEX FOR MONEY….IT IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH PERKS Don’t do anything for sugar that you wouldn’t do otherwise.

    I don’t think age has anything to do with a man’s qualifications. Is he generous in general? If so, he’ll be generous in bed. Experience speaks volumes, but if you’re not willing to share that experience it doesn’t mean a thing.

  174. Anna Molly says:

    Perfectly said Midwest! :)

  175. NewYorkGirl says:

    Thanks, u r right. I have to find NY SB network with blacklist. Hope it exists?
    As I said I tend to trust people coz I would not lie or trick anyone. But it is Manhattan – too many dishonest players. :)
    and I am white skinny 34C (not too young) but I can choose and find a man I can trust and feel good about him.

  176. Stormcat says:

    “I ain’t as good as I once was . . . but I’m as good once as I always was” (a recent country song)

    It is an inevitable reality of life that aging takes it’s toll. But that actually doesn’t mean that an older man or woman can’t compete with a young one. The thing that the young don’t realize is that if you find an older person who really cares about performance what you end up with is someone who puts a lot of effort into it. plans it out, sets it up, creates nuances and emotions that augment, entices, takes time to savor the process. OK. Maybe the climax is shorter lived and little less intense, but the experience is richer, more sensual, more unique, and for what it’s worth, a little more comfortable.

    DallasSB ~ You, of course, have every right to have your age preference! But it’s not necessary to convince others that your preference is the best. Actually, the age bracket of SD’s that you exclude, (40-60) are the mainstay of this site. As for the young women who pair up with the older gentlemen SDs, if their laughing all the way to the bank, they won’t be in the arrangement for long. Then what will they have . . . Users and Fakes!

    Keep an open mind . . . Every condition has its advantages!

  177. Stormcat says:

    Sorry, I meant “they’re laughing”

  178. NJbaby says:

    Okay, I’m calling for an official NYC SB meet up!!!

  179. CaliSB says:

    I’ve been lurking for a while, but just wanted to pop in to ask if anyone had interest in a West Coast/California SB meetup!

    In other news, how have your experiences with long distance SDs/SBs been? Is it easier, harder to keep together, more fun…?

  180. NewYorkGirl says:

    NJbaby, please, can we have NYC meet up. :)
    I do talk about SA with my married best friend, she understands me, but no experience we have.

  181. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    The late, great and wise Andy Rooney:

    Andy Rooney on Women Over Forty
    By: Veronica Kavanagh (View Profile)

    Andy Rooney says:

    As I grow in age, I value women who are over forty most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over forty will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

    If a woman over forty doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

    A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

    Women over forty are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

    Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

    A woman over forty has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over forty couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

    Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over forty. They always know.

    A woman over forty looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over forty is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

    Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

    Yes, we praise women over forty for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of forty-plus, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some twenty-two-year-old waitress.

    Ladies, I apologize.

    For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” here’s an update for you. Now 80 percent of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

  182. Rachel says:

    I would love a westcoast meetup Las Vegas SB here..

  183. splash says:

    hey where are all the london,england SBs?we should do a london meet

  184. Michael Alleycat says:

    Midwest – hilarious and true. Love it.

    I have an IRL regular booty call with a friend in her late 40s. Its a rip-snorting great time when we get together. My past and present SBs in their 20s and 30s, sex was mostly pretty good, but definitely the main guideline is the older the person, the better the sex. No d

  185. Michael Alleycat says:

    @CaliSB – how have you been girl?

    Stormy!

  186. Michael Alleycat says:

    New blog subject! See you on the other side.

  187. Va Gentleman says:

    Hi everybody ! I am a relatively new SD with a baby 40 yrs younger and we are having a wonderful time together . I am 60 and look 45, and act 30. She is 24 , looks 27 , and acts 30 , so it works out just right . I appreciate hearing the ladies’ opinions since my friends I talk to aren’t involved in this lifestyle.

    Re: sugar -we do it by the visit , since she has an incentive to see me more , and it’s easier for me to pay as I go instead of writing a big check once/month.

    Re: employee status. I thought about it but if the relationship ended badly the employer could be up for some very expensive payoffs for sexual harrassment .

    Re: test drives –Don’t do it NY Girl . The POT should offer a donation for your time in case it doesn’t work out. My SB and I settled on the “deal” even before we met –and we did meet for the night in a Hotel. It was kind of unreal for a “nice” girl to meet a random guy for the night but she could have walked if she didn’t like what she saw . Many young women IMHO are more cavalier about random sex for sport than older ladies .

    Re: Sugar before Play –most men expect play activities to be high on the list of things a SB offers in return for an allowance ,so if you like him at your initial meeting don’t make him work too hard. There are a lot of beautiful young ladies available to become his SB and he is probably interviewing others .

  188. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Va gentleman – Welcome! You’ll find a little more activity on the newest blogs… British Invasion being the most recent. Congratulations on meeting a wonderful sugar! It sounds as if you two are having fun. She’s a lucky lady in that she has met someone who keeps his word.

    I have a few questions that would be nice to hear your perspective…
    1) What is your incentive to see her since you are on a per visit arrangement? Did you two arrange an “exit plan” for when the arrangement ends? If not, does she budget or will she be prepared to go without sugar abruptly? (not your responsibility, but it’s a fair question)

    2) How long would you wait for intimacy? I accept there is competition, but it wouldn’t dictate my decision. Would you want a woman to sleep with you because of competition or because she really wanted to?

    3) What are the best qualities you enjoy with your lady? Anything unique that stands out for you?

    We welcome your insights and it helps those new to the sugar world to hear the man’s perspective. I assure you there is no judgment on my part…just curiosity.

  189. Lydia Bennett says:

    im definitely curious, too. TY Va gent…iv got a per visit arrangement right now and it is working but at the same time very unreliable. Seems work and his family commitments stretch out the time between dates. i did know this at the start. It absolutely brings meaning to one of the key words of Sugar….Patience..
    ps i made a few changes to my profile and the heels are staying in :)

  190. NewYorkGirl says:

    To VA gentalman . Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. I was thinking if he promises this deal with paycheck to many girls, he can have test drive once a week with a new girl then, and never commit. One another hand He gave me his real name and his work place (ok, he is kind of famous) If we does not do as he promises theoretically i can hurt him (spoil his reputation). so he thinks I would trust him since I have this leverage (know his identity).

  191. Va Gentleman says:

    Hi all again !

    Thanks for your interest in my comments

    Cougarlicious : my incentive to see my Baby is that I am absolutely smitten by her and can’t get enough of her. We did discuss the overall plan to see each other at least once/week and my goal is twice . I would do more if I could get away more . While she has no “guarantee” I know she is getting financial help from home as she is still in her parent’s circle of influence . The extra cash is just play money for her . I also give her gifts,dine out ,take her to spas ,etc. Probably she will net $25000 untaxed income ,which translates to $38500 if she were reporting it . Not bad for a college girl in grad school . The key is she acts appreciative ,does not seem to be greedy or desperate , and acts happy with me . The key for me is that she treats me like I am the hottest guy she has ever seen and loves being with me .

    Exit Strategy –What exit ? lol No –that subject hasn’t come up . She moved once a little farther away and I think her plan was to have some help until she moved . We didn’t skip a beat and we are happy.

    Budget ? She is saving for grad school–and she shops with some of it . She is not a shopaholic -yet -and seems to have fairly simple but classy needs . I am helping expand her horizons I think . If we stop seeing each other -we stop . I don’t even want to think about it .

  192. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Thank you Va Gentleman. You are both quite lucky! Hope we get to hear more from you…the blog can be surprisingly addicting. :-)

  193. Anna Molly says:

    Va Gentleman ~ Sounds like the two of you have a very sweet relationship! :)

  194. Va Gentleman says:

    Cougarlicious –con’t

    Intimacy –how long ? We waited 1 week of emails and 2 phone conversations , then 5 minutes after I entered the room . She surprised me by “jumping my bones ” so quickly without chit chat ,etc. I was flabbergasted -pleasantly for sure .

    This relationship we all have/seek is an adult one . If you are just out for the perks and don’t feel an attraction for the Daddy it makes it harder to get busy in bed . Otherwise it should happen fast and hopefully will be a great one . It’s also good to see if you are sexually compatible ,because if not , you should keep on looking . unless sex isn’t part of your deal .

    My desire is to become intimate very quickly –the physical connection is either there or not right away . We did and cuddled in each other’s arms all night. There is a tremendous attraction between us and I am so lucky . I have had previous partners where the sex was good but I did not want to stay any longer than I had to . With my Baby I hunger for every extra minute with her and can’t get enough of her . She certainly acts the same although sometimes i wonder how she can be attracted to such an older man. I admit I am told I am very young looking ,fit ,muscular with a full head of brown hair and handsome . (sorry ,Im not bragging –just trying to justify things a little I guess)

    My Baby’s best qualities ? She is beautiful in a girl next door way , innocent acting ,very smart , sweet and loving ,kind , sexy without acting overly experienced , and SO into me it’s overwhelming sometimes .

  195. Anna Molly says:

    Va Gentleman ~ You should post on the newest blog too! There are other bloggers there that would love to say hi! :D

    Hey Midwest! Good to see ya! You should smell my kitchen right now, I just pulled a fresh, hot, pecan pie out of the oven. YUMMY!! :D

  196. Anna Molly says:

    Va Gent ~ My gent is 30 years my senior and we have a fantastic relationship! :)
    Speaking of my gent, I need to find a recipe for mallowmars….

  197. Va Gentleman says:

    Lydia -it sounds like you have a little frustrating relationship with your Daddy. You can choose to be happy with what you have with him, patiently wait for something to improve ,keep looking for a replacement or another Daddy , or present your needs to him as a fixed allowance that will satisfy your needs .

    Are you looking for a fixed $ amount ? Are you into him emotionally ? Is he expendable ?
    I would not be happy if I found my Baby was seeing other daddies . Perhaps this Daddy would be OK with it . I read here that a lot of babies work as many SDs as they have time for -and while it might be acceptable to some it smacks of greed and exploitation to me . I would be up front with him about your needs ,including $ , time, and possibly other SDs filling the gaps . It will pressure him but he needs to know if he can handle you . Good luck !

    New York Girl –Try it out with him ,but be careful emotionally until you see how things are going to go . Worst case scenario is that he wants a freebie and you end up with dinner and a sleep in –to be jilted the next day . Best case , he likes you and will be willing to talk turkey . If you are attracted to him go out to dinner but save the sex untill he commits himself somewhat .

  198. Va Gentleman says:

    Hi Anna Molly , Congratulations on your relationship ! I like that age spread , I don’t feel so senior . I always said that I wouldn’t see anyone younger than my youngest child , and so far I’m OK there !

  199. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hi AM! Pass that recipe along when you find it. I’ve found some sinful ones on hungrymouse dot com. :-) I had mallowmars confused with Cadbury Eggs for a minute there!

    Va Gent – I responded too quickly. Good points made. I haven’t made my gents wait too long, but have been a bit more cautious than your Baby. I tend to enjoy the building of anticipation. We all want something different :-)

  200. NewYorkGirl says:

    Thank you VA gent. You are right the worse case scenario… we would “sleep ” for 2 hours… And he never write me back. Would not be too bad. But… In my case … It would be like 2 weeks worse case scenario case. …I would have to wait till first paycheck (or the absence of first paycheck). He is not going to compensate with cash I asked.
    And congratulation on finding your SB. I see you are very happy and talkative today :)

  201. Va Gentleman says:

    “In my case … It would be like 2 weeks worse case scenario case. …I would have to wait till first paycheck (or the absence of first paycheck). He is not going to compensate with cash I asked.”

    2 weeks NewYorkGirl is a hefty committment rather than one night . I would recommend getting something in writing about your compensation before taking that chance. Most employees don’t get paid until they work for 2 to 4 weeks in a normal business relationship .

  202. Sugar-Chic (2Chic) says:

    hi all

  203. Amber says:

    I have told all my friends about SA and even let them use my phone to make t heir profile! They all have gotten SUGAR DADDIES and IV been here longer and hadn’t got one! So Igot the upgraded membership (b4 I knew I could reg my college email and get it 4 free)I think I probably should have kepwebsite secret until I got my SD! Now I am hearing from my friends that I told about their experience and helping them get ready 2 c their SD …Its kind of agitating but I’m happy 4 them. while, they are looking out for me when it comes to ‘grabbin lunch’ but even so.feeling deprived in more ways than one! ;(LOL. Either way I’m not selfish! Its fun for us to get together and check out profiles… its kind of our thing now!

  204. Va Gentleman says:

    Hi Amber !
    Evaluate your profile first to see if you are setting yourself up correctly to get the pot SD s to make the call. If no one is responding to you then your profile or pictures need tweaking .

    If the pot SDs are contacting you but not following up with a date then talk to your friends about how you present yourself to the guys and what they are doing differently . There might be some turnoff in the way you respond to them. Daddies want a lot of different things but I think most want a sweet ,giving, caretaker type of girl –not a “this is my deal and take me or leave me” Some profiles turn me off because the girls present themselves as arrogant and too good for the average guy –or too expensive . It’s fine to shoot for the moon but it puts me off when a girl says that she needs $000000 /mo and dont call unless you can afford me .

  205. Va Gentleman says:

    Amber –why don’t you put your profile here and let everyone offer suggestions ? ( even an anonymous one if you don’t want your blog id to be associated with your profile )

  206. Amber says:

    Its fine its 796952 I’m on a phone so I’m kinda limited! I don’t think its the best profile in the world but it was definately kind of spur of the moment! Maybe I should have worn make up!

  207. Va Gentleman says:

    Hi Amber ! You are a cutie and I am sure that there is a lucky guy out there who will appeal to you . My suggestions are two. I would definitely have higher quality pictures done since you want to present yourself in the best light possible . And I think you say too much in your text . There is too much detail about your girlfriend , not wanting to be a prostitute ,etc . Just KISS –keep it simple . Most guys are going to look at your pictures and if you look like their kind of girl they will want to find out the details in person . I like to see something like ” just looking for a sweet SD to enjoy being with ” The Sugar is implied anyway ,so don’t even go there until you start communicating with each other . As far as your description of your interests and personality , you can say that you are an outdoors girl ,or like to read , or enjoy quiet nights in —whatever –but keep it short and sweet .

    Don’t lose hope for finding a gentleman –there are many out there , but there are also some major jerks as well. Just keep looking and you will find someone worthy of you . It took me 3 years to find my girl .

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