Sugar bloggers have been sharing an abundance of successful sugar date and arrangement stories lately.
Have you taken any new profile pictures this summer?
How will you be spending your weekend? Any sugar?
Ok.. so to the questions.. I need a life and I really need to sleep.
Profile pics? Yes, I did have some new pictures taken but not for this website. I employed a matchmaker to help me meet a gentleman for a more serious relationship.. I believe in diversifying.
And as far as the weekend, I certainly hope I’ll see my pot or perhaps my match.
Here’s hoping for a good weekend, I SO need it.
BTW.. I’ve been away for a while.. Anyone heard from Lisa? Didn’t see her at all on the last blog.
I so wanna be a Sugar Daddy when I grow up…
No new pics, the one I have seem to be working just fine.
No Sugar planned for this weekend or the next 2 weeks! But a little sugar bird told me today that I have a kindle on the way. eek! new shoes and good books always get me all hot and bothered ; )
Me and Sugar Update:
Had to cut it off with a pot sd clinger today. My first experience with one. Getting better at this all the time. At least it didn’t have to go too far for me to learn the lesson this time. Yay for me : )
Decided I’m not taking on any more pots and just focusing on the sds I have. Almost f*ed that up last night when I put my SD on hold to talk to the clinger….I was lucky that stupid action didn’t turn out worse. I got a txt lashing which was totally deserved and now I’m going to just be the best sb I can be for who I have (even if I can’t see them for weeks and I’m not getting any sugar right this second). Spoiled? Well, yeah! ; p
But learning all the while and lucky for me I have patient sds who forgive me for being silly. I’m a quick learner but sometimes I have to be slapped in the face with it to see it.
Hmm, tried to register for a class beginning in the fall. Website was down, will try again tomorrow.
Oh, sent my sd a link to a website for an anonymous, confidential, no appointment needed, open on Saturday std testing center. Was a little skeptical on weather or not to do it or not but we’ve been seeing each other for 2 months, 3 dates and he still hadn’t gotten it done. As always I sprinkled a little humor on it and I think he took it well. In the email I said: “I’m not rushing you, you take your time and we’ll have sex when you’re ready but here’s a link to…etc” Hopefully he’ll get it done so we can get it on ; )
Until later Sugars : )
Happy Weekend Sugars!
Miss Lisa Penelope at least come by and say
hello to me! ( don’t make me re-post the
big girl panty speech…)
Tough Love… question to you: boxers, briefs or COMANDO!
Sorry had to ask, the whole underware theme thing
going in my head tonight.
SD Guru (Gury is cute too NYC SB) again… we pass in the night of the blog
Big hello to everyone!
Good evening! another long day of nerves and muscles- my head spins sugar is good- loving the extra time, cash and the fact I dont have to worry about anything other than grades! spoilt, yes
anyone got any sweet ideas on how to show appreciation to a SD – not physical
michael alleycat i left you a note on the other blog… and commented on it.
OCSB i second thee
lisa poke your head in and say hi…
and ocsb i am NOT kidding some guy emailed me on a dating site to ask landing strip or bare and then he KEPT EMAILING ME and was surprised when i reacted negatively. first email can you imagine?
aspiring doc there was a whole blog on that a while ago… lord i can’t remember when, i’d google it… sometime since last october.. *snerk* i’m helpful huh? lol
one person said you could mail them lingerie you were going to wear for them…?
Somebody please hit me over the head, hard. I thought my SB was being honest; turns out totally not so. I am generally a good judge of character – I completely got this wrong.
What do you get when you cross a world of pain, stupidity and anger? A couple of very sleepless nights. More in a day or so.
Btw – not looking for sympathy (toughlove take note), I just cannot believe that I missed the signs. I guess great sex makes you stupid. F*ck. What I am really pissed about is that I am feeling played.
Biggest warning sign that I ignored? It seemed all too good to be true.
well you did get the great sex and an awesome sb for a while … hopefully you didn’t give anything important away…
anyway i still say that trusting isn’t a bad thing… sometimes you get bit but less often than you might think
way past my bedtime
Cleo said ” hopefully you didn’t give anything important away…” I did – I feel like I gave away my self-respect. Ugh.
@Michael AZ Alleycat
“I feel like I gave away my self-respect. Ugh.”
I just did that! Recovered with a good lesson learned. I hope you do too and soon. : ) *hugs* Care to share? Or is it too soon? Could the rest of us learn something?
(looks around nervously for TL)
Met a potential yesterday. Things went suprisingly well…
Although what was suppossed to be a quick meet and greet turned into a three hour lunch… ;p I guess that goes for being able to hold conversation…
Meeting a potential today and Monday. And who knows I may be able to take myself out of the fishing pool eventually…
So to answer the question, sugar this weekend!! ;p
Michael Az, I am so sorry!!! I hope you live and learn from this…
Some people just aren’t trustworthy, and there is nothing you can do to find this out early, or even in time before things come crashing down..
Oh gosh I hate to hear when a good SD get screwed. So hard to find you know… Damn. When you get ready we’re here.
I’m think the poof is on. Great first date. Supposed to meet for lunch.. No confirmation. Oh great.
Back to my splenda.
Nikki C-I agree with you. I think some SBs can be are naive on how 99% of these relationships won’t be without physical intimacy. Any SD that wants sex on the first meeting and prods the SB for it isn’t likely to be a real SD.
How do you guys bring up the subject of such a touchy issue? And when?
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience…wasn’t this the SB you were head over heels about?? I remember reading how happy you were. Was what she lied about a deal breaker? Is it the “I’m actually married” or dating kind of surprise? Maybe something that in the end doesn’t matter? Or did you find out that she didn’t mean a lot of things she said?
It’s hard to know from reading here and learning from others just where we as SB’s should draw the line in being what the other party wants. I hope she didn’t misrepresent something in a selfish way, but only in the sense of trying to be what you wanted….which if true, is a noble aspiration if even a pathetic outcome sometimes. Is it horrible enough that you have to lose all the good that you two had or is it more that you misread some signs and you’re mad at yourself? Just asking since you posted on the blog, in case you wanted to talk about it or at least get off your chest what you think you missed.
As to Toughlove, haven’t heard from him in awhile, he may not be on at all
I think I’m getting ditched by a sd for the weekend… the most frustrating thing about living within a few hours of busy men is that they’ll want to do something on a moment’s notice… at least I have their drive here to get ready.
I was taken out on my birthday by seriously one of the most sincere and honest men I’ve ever met. And to top it off, of course, he’s a sd! If everything continues to go well, he’ll be setting me up with an apartment and real job in about a month. The only thing I worry about is finishing school. :-/
Last thing… everything was going great with a pot, he “couldnt believe how perfect” for him I was. And then… nothing. He just disappeared. Hasn’t been on SA or contacted me… I Just worry that he’s alright. He’s probably just super busy, but has never just disappeared like this.
Oh, and I do have new profile pictures. Nothing spectacular, just some random pics. I tried to link my profile in the website box… hopefully that works.
Biggest problem was her flat out lying.
Agreed that honesty was critical to a good arrangement. She said that she would not get another SD, and she did. Said she is working but she is with other SD. Talked about longer term, as the relationship grew – meantime txting other SD. etc etc etc – I am sure you get the picture.
I got played and lied to, and I am seriously pissed.
Thing that really annoys me is that this was a good deal for her, and she has totally blown it. I thought she was smarter than that.
Michael: Been there, done that, too… The emotions will subside and you will come out the other side wiser… The challenge is to gain the knowledge without losing the openness to a great sb…. It is rare to find a good SD, she’ll learn that eventually…
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry that happened Michael. Shame on her for not appreciating a good thing
Noledgeseeker I feel you on the clinger. I have one that keeps calling me even when I tell him I’m visiting my friends! Thank god he has the google voice number. Besides I’m pretty sure he’s just wasting my time so that is getting cut as soon as I get back home from visiting my friends.
Let’s see, as for sugar lately I had a pot poof on me this week. He was suppose to fly me up to meet him, but oh well on to the next. I’m meeting a pot on Sunday for lunch, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ll possibly be meeting another next week.
Michael, maybe you are jumping to conclusions.
Dandelion Wine – why do you say that?
alleycat: at least you know that no one can TAKE your self respect… that’s a pretty major step for most folks…
Repost intended for Michael, (Perhaps you read it the first time and it was too obvious an analogy to warrent comment)
The young lion wins the day by his fierceness and superior physical strength. The old lion wins over the young lion by patience, cunning, and experience. But the lioness wins without even fighting.
Michael – sometimes young women don’t stop to think about things before acting.
Don’t know a good thing when it’s right there.
With some women.. Too young = silly mistakes
I’m really sorry.
Hooooooooooley guacomoley its been a hot second since I visited the blog. Michael, after scanning over a few of your posts I am growing very curious and concerned. Lets make sure we follow through on Monday! I have plenty of experience with these types of situations and I must hear every detail of this juicy story.
On a different note, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer. As I mentioned a couple weeks ago I finally broke things off with my main SD and decided to commit to my hubby SD. The past couple weeks I’ve been off the blog I’ve been busy travelling with my future husband, preparing my family for the big introduction, and dealing with a bitter EX SD, who went absolutely psycho upon dissolution of our arrangement. Oh well. Everything is great otherwise and I couldn’t be happier. Sometimes I miss the excitement I found on SA, but after a couple of seconds I catch myself realizing how lucky and happy I am with just the one. aaaaaaaaah butterflies!
Michael, I just want to say…last time I checked the two of you never committed or had THE TALK, so although I am always on your side, I don’t think it’s fair to say that she played you. And let’s keep it real…you weren’t such an angel either. The two of you had such a connection. I hate to see you typing in present tense about her. Maybe it’s too early to pull the trigger, friend.
But I don’t know what happened exactly and perhaps some aspects of your relationship with M changed during the time you were away. Ok, I am done analyzing this until I get the entire dirty on the situation. I’m off to the gym ! (Future husband and I registered at a local health club so we can work on our love handles and got the family package deal- too cute!
Toughlove: I’m sorry I made the assumption that you weren’t vastly exceptional in your level of psychological mastery where the opposite sex is concerned. I know virtually nothing about you & went ahead and assumed you weren’t a Cassanova legend with the ladies since, well, so very precious few men are (meaning able to manipulate beauties into doing their bidding by their charm alone, totally outside any material advantage they -at least in theory, as all men with money do– have to offer). It’s rare but it’s not impossible that you are that type of a Vixen Whisperer. Congratulations. This unlikely possibility was exactly why I said, “They ALMOST undoubtedly are.” and then proceeded to work with the assumption that you weren’t a Cassanova type legend of our time, but did begin w/ the caveat that I’m making an assumption and don’t actually know anything about you personally and was just using you as a hypothetical figurehead for the entire group of extremely wealthy men who enjoy many beauties regularly, and then went on to refer to you when I really should have switched to saying “men like this” or “men in this camp” or whatnot but on my iPhone it was easier just to use the singular pronoun “he” and simplify my tirade at least in that way.
Apologies. I cannot prove one iota otherwise, to anything you’ve claimed. Brava! You have skillz w/ the ladies that the vast majority of the male population can only dream of!
July 24, 2010 at 10:42 am
Simple conclusion I’m going to sum up & offer to allowance-oriented SBs who are searching to figure it all out and give a flying fig about my opinion:
with extremely wealthy men, don’t fawn, don’t giggle, and don’t waste your time. Show up, bring your A-game, stand tall & confident & glow with contentedness and confidence, and calmly & without apology, state what your situation & what you’re looking for. Then perhaps, with a mischevious but fun loving smile add “I’m excited at the prospect of you and I finding a myriad of ways to enhance one another’s lives. I’m prepared to move forward and start enjoying our time together in every way, if my baseline needs are not outside your willingness to provide for me.”
and then shut up & be quiet and let him have an uninterrupted turn to speak his mind.
It is very likely that it will be a no-go, and he’ll try to avoid actual sugar from his end but put his seduction routine in overdrive. Don’t think for a second you’ll get more than $500, if that, if you sleep with him before solidifying an arrangement. And you’ll feel like an escort when he hands you the cash after sex. Bad idea. And you’ll probably never see him again, despite anything he said to the contrary.
But it’s worth showing up once for, give it your best shot, and you never know. Your loveliness + your lack of pandering and unflinching standards when it comes to being an SB or just walking away from sleazy pay-per-plays may very well set you apart from the pack & capture his intrigue and he may actually play ball & step up to a real arrangement. Not likely, but worth a shot.
Moderately wealthy men are generally more like putty in your hands, and so unspoiled & still enthralled w/ the novelty and ‘rush/high’ of wining/dining/bedding a beautiful, enchanting vixen who smiles at him and makes him feel like king of the universe, that you won’t have to ask twice for your desired level of sugar. It’ll be there and then some, no worries.
You have to forgo a 10-20k allowance & be happy with, say, a 2-4k/mo allowance, at least to start with, but you’re holding all the cards, you’re valued, and he will hang around long enough to establish a lovely relationship.
Not saying not to go whale hunting, just know the potential to waste a lot of time and energy is certainly there, and it’s rare to find, in this economy and outside of certain pockets on earth (wall st).
Just my opinions. Take what you will from it & leave the rest.
LadyIntim – I haven’t pulled the trigger yet. Let’s talk Monday.
Michael, because you wouldn’t have gotten so hurt if your feelings weren’t involved.
If it was an issue of your SB “employee” sending out resume to other “employers”, then decision could have been quite simply and unemotionally weighed.
(Is it a good employee? Is the employee easy to replace? Is there potential conflict of interest? Etc etc)
But because there are feelings involved, the decisions aren’t quite as clear cut.
You should take some time to think it over on your own, without an input from people who do not know you, your SB, and who only heard your side of the story.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? But in this case it is to a degree a question of whether you want to *be* right, or to appear right.
You may think it over and decide that she only mattered to you when she fulfilled a particular ego need that she no longer fulfills due to the circumstances, and let her go and that is perfectly fine. But it should be your personal decision, not a concensus of the sugar blog. That’s all.
Michael, because you wouldn’t have gotten so hurt if your feelings weren’t involved.
If it was an issue of your SB “employee” sending out resume to other “employers”, then decision could have been quite simply and unemotionally weighed.
(Is it a good employee? Is the employee easy to replace? Is there potential conflict of interest? Etc etc)
But because there are feelings involved, the decisions aren’t quite as clear cut.
You should take some time to think it over on your own, without input from people who do not know you, your SB, and who only heard your side of the story.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? But in this case it is to a degree a question of whether you want to *be* right, or to appear right.
You may think it over and decide that she only mattered to you when she fulfilled a particular ego need that she no longer fulfills due to the circumstances, and let her go and that is perfectly fine. But it should be your personal decision, not a concensus of the sugar blog. That’s all.
I don’t usually blog on weekends, but after seeing posts from Michael, Lily, LadyIntim, OC, EleganSugarbaby, and ToughLove I thought I’d jump in. As for the blog topic, weekend is usually family time so no sugar for me!
As FL-SD said, been there done that and I feel your pain. If it’s a simple case of a young woman behaving badly because she thought she could get away with it, then learn from the experience and you’ll get over the emotional suffering with time. But if malicious intent might be involved, then you should proceed with caution and prepare for a possible worst case scenario. I’ll be writing a similar story in my blog in the coming days. Feel free to email me through my blog if you’d like to discuss further.
I made a weekend appearance just for you!
I admire your juggling of work and family and still make time for sugar!
I’m glad to see that things with future hubby is going well!
I like it when you “pulled a lily” so please don’t stop! Your conclusion about wealthy men and allowance was very well stated.
You gave Sasha pretty good advice and I hope you’ll continue to participate in the blog in a constructive manner.
there are some who actually have above average social skills developed over many, many years. That’s how men WITHOUT money sleep with beautiful women.
You’re probably familiar with books that talk about the social skills you described, such as “The Pickup Artist”, “The Game”, and “The Mystery Method”, to name a few. Obviously these skills are important to have in regular dating, but it’s probably not as important in sugar dating.
Being able to pick up women at a bar is a nice skill to have, but that’s not how one would build a sugar relationship. As I have mentioned before, there are men who can get it for free by just showing up but still choose to be a SD. There are many reasons why men choose to become a SD, and in some cases it has nothing to do with their lack of social skills or ability to get it for free.
Re: pick-up artist books.
Any woman with half a brain cell is aware of the methodologies promoted in the books.
Btw, if you’ve seen any of the specials on the authors, none of them had a beautiful woman with them. The girls were what you could describe as common ore, and that was after quite an investment into surgical enhancements.
when i get a neg i start to laugh. i’m not a moron, i read those books too you know…
i usually say something clever like “wow, a neg… i’m so wounded”
course with the really clever ones i just neg them back
SD Guru – it is a simple case of a young woman behaving badly, because she thinks she can get away with it. We had agreed on certain things, and she broke the agreement more than once, while lying about it at the same time.
LadyIntim – I know I haven’t been an angel, but once she had said About a month ago what she was going to do, and I told her what I was going to do, I stuck to my word.
Sorry to hear that. I guess the question revolves around trust.
Only you know the particulars of the agreement- and its something you have to decide
SD Guru – can you please run through some of the reasons, that spring to your mind, to explain why a man may choose to become an SD? Which of these, if any, perhaps still applies to men with utter social mastery?
Happy Sunday Sugars!
Sugary weekend indeed with SD and NYC SB!!! In Vegas, no less! Lots of cocktails, a little something from Tiffany & Co…and it all goes back to reality in a few hours.
Warning for those considering travel…it can be very challenging at times and it will test every ounce of sugar, but don’t let it wreck your weekend. Be sure being a traveling sb works with your schedule before you commit to the arrangement.
No need for pics lately, but it’s always good to change your pics often as it puts you back up at the top of the searches.
Michael – so sorry for your pain. You will recover and hopefully the bitterness will be replaced with those wonderful memories that she provided while you were together…make lemonade.
Lily – VERY well stated!
Cleo, haha, I had a boy once tell me (after we’ve made acquaintance) “I just knew that if I tried to neg you, you would have eaten me alive”
Thanks, love. normally it’s me admiring your delivery.
BiCentennial Baby – you’re close to 40 and you’re entering beauty pageants? (You had said you just got your ‘comp dress’ or something? Cleo asked what sort of competition but I guess I just assumed–why else would you “weigh in” each morning…?) What sort of beauty pageants are there for 40 year old women? Do you have a job? Studying a second degree? And if I may grill you a bit further, how does sugar dating fit in with your plans/your family’s plans? Sorry to be so nosy, it’s just that your situation and posts are quite different than anything I’ve seen on here in 7 months of reading. Color me curious.
dandelion wine: yeah for me too
i am fishing in a small pool, i need a man who likes strong, tall, muscular, outspoken, snarky women who are extremely capable and consider self-respect an art form… that’s a pretty small group in a town where women are so desperate they’ll do anything to get a man’s attention…
dear blogger male who emailed me and was deeply rude to me in said conversation: the least you could do is have the courage not to block someone after insulting their taste in friends and suggesting knowledge of their private life. how dare you start talking about people i ‘know well’ and speaking as god.
identify yourself sir or i shall publish your every word on this blog and your profile number to go with it.
Lily – Read back about 3-4 blogs and all your questions for Bi Baby will be answered.
Ugh, can’t you just email me the cheat sheet version? lazy is as lazy does, I guess!
Cleo, sic me on him, I’m feisty & scrappy!
lily: i may if need be, i don’t like people who act like they know everything about me and my friends and refuse to identify themselves. it’s bullying plain and simple…
Catching up a little:
Dandelion Wine says:
To expand on SD Guru’s post: if you are with someone who is easily replaceable, then that only means one thing – you settled for less than you wanted.
Here, here…well said.
Nikki C – I would suggest accepting dates from a few SDs. When you are new, you will be inundated with poofers and time-wasters. It’s almost a guarantee that 3 out of 5 of these guys will not show up for the date. At least you will still have two dates to go!
Welcome to the new sbs!
Lily – just google her blog name and SA. You will find them quickly. Her bio is posted several times. BTW – Thoroughly enjoyed my time with NYC SB!
Sasha – I LOVE the advice you received about bringing your performing persona into your real life!
Good morning Cleo! Great posts from you lately. As for blogger bully, he has no credibility or courage. Let it go.
midwest: thanks bella. as to the bully, mostly i just want them to know that such bullying tactics in private are not acceptable… beyond that i’m over it.
nice to see you so happy… i confess i have a little envy – the nice kind where you want a little good fortune for yourself but don’t actually want the good fortune you’re envying… there’s no word in english for this, that feeling of being happy someone has something and wishing you had it too but not wanting to steal theirs… neither envy nor jealousy are nice words. there’s a hebrew word for that but i can’t remember it off hand…
GOOD SUNDAY SUGAR MORNING EVERYONE……. good morning SDGuru, lily Aspiring-doc, MidwestSb, CLeo and noledgeseeker…….. WEll I am still new and trying to see how things go, but this has been a busy busy week for me….finals and a job search are in the mix for me……. Im still awaiting a potSD?????? I posted new pics and changed the profile up a little bit:) trying to see what works….. well all off to study till then muah muah muah have a great day
Midwest, I didn’t find anything by googling except the main SA blog page link. Anyway, not important.
Cleo ~ It’s a good idea, sic Lily on him; She’s bored and looking for a fight. You can see it in her posts over the last couple of days.
Midwest ~ Hi there, glad you’re having a good time in Vegas.
LadyI ~ Lovely to see you back and hear your news.
Dandelion Wine ~ Oh to get drunk on dandelion wine. I could use a little sip of you these days!
Lily ~ Your posts make interesting reading. But overall they seem a bit on the side of irony. It makes one believe that you are possibly in this self imposed sugar fast because you have tired of the sherade and are looking for an equal relationship instead. Neither the doormat nor the worshiped. Just honest respectful equality?
You are very perceptive, Stormy.
I’m ready, it’s true. I just got misty while watching Shrek & Fiona’s true love kiss today in the theater, behind my 3D glasses. I practically asked myself, “Where’s my one true ogre?” hehehe
lily there’s a reason i have been real dating for a bit… it’s a weird headspace to date without seeking anything long term and yet without seeking sugar. so many principles overlap though, if he doesn’t reach for the cheque i don’t see him again… sugar taught me that.
i was starting to forget why i liked men after such a string of sillyness. i still can’t get over the guy who showed up for dinner in flip flops, bathing shorts and an ill fitting polo style shirt… lol
i did meet one gem of a man in the sugar world though and i’m pretty sure he’s a lifelong friend
When I was starting college I had an astute counselor tell me to quit worrying about finding my one true love because she was probably not on campus and she might not have even been born yet. Well I still keep one eye open for her, just in case she shows up.
Gee Cleo . . . I don’t recall having met you.
stormcat: i’ve lost some weight and coloured my hair… the pic and i don’t match anymore ;>
Okay, but it’s still nice to find out that a guy’s got a lifelong friend. Maybe we ought to plan a lifelong friend party.
Well I’m still looking for a sugar daddy I’m a gorgeous Jamaican girl. email me any osugar daddy’s I live in greensboro NC iif u cant be him telll ur friends. I just cant seem to find a sugar daddy in my area. Any takers?
Happy sunday everyone!
@NYC sb – I would love to email to see if you have any information on this SD. I clicked on your name and it takes me to a blog? hmmm I must be missing something..
I have been on an off this site for a few years, and met some great SD’s. I usually travel to NYC, I find myself with time to spare while the SD is working, are there any SB’s that would like to meet for dinner/shopping? I would love to discuss different sb lifestyles
Sounds like to much fun! I don’t know when I’ll be back but I’d bet I will. My SD does so much business up there. We should totally have a bite and go shopping!
Good afternoon everyone!
Based on what you’ve said about your sugar relationship, it appears to be very involved not only emotionally but also personally. You mentioned that you had gone into business deals with her, which means she may have a lot of personal/private info about you. When things come to an end she could make your life difficult if she wants to. I’m not saying that’s what will happen, it’s just something to keep in mind.
Warning for those considering travel…it can be very challenging at times and it will test every ounce of sugar… be sure being a traveling sb works with your schedule before you commit to the arrangement.
I’m glad you’re having a great time in Vegas! As a frequent traveler myself, I know it can be very challenging to your patience and sanity at times. I agree that SD/SB’s should carefully consider a long distance sugar relationship because it will take more time, effort, and money to make it work.
Bicentennial wrote several posts about herself in the blog, here are a few to give you some ideas: here, here, here, and here.
sic me on him, I’m feisty & scrappy!
Oh boy, a feisty, scrappy, caged lioness that is sexually frustrated. That dude won’t stand a chance!
can you please run through some of the reasons to explain why a man may choose to become an SD? Which of these, if any, perhaps still applies to men with utter social mastery?
Here are some of the most common reasons why wealthy men who are not lacking social skills would want to become a SD.
1. Discretion. They like to keep their private life private. And of course if the SD is married then this goes without saying. Picking up random women at bars or VIP lounges in full view of others is not their style. They expect the SB to keep it discreet as part of the arrangement.
2. No strings. The arrangement should set clear boundaries for both sides. Without it the line can be blurred and the relationship could head down a slippery slope. The arrangement prevents either party from having unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
3. Reliability. SD’s and SB’s are supposed to do what they said they will do according to the arrangement. And over time they will build trust and be reliable for each other. SD’s don’t like surprises when it comes to the reliability of their SB’s. Random hookups and one night stands may be fun, but it’s ultimately unreliable and risky.
4. Longevity. It may not be easy to find the right SB in the right situation to have an arrangement that works. When a SD finds something that works well then it’s preferable to make it last versus keep on spending their valuable time to look for something that may or may not be better.
Hey guys! !!
What is everyone up to?? Gosh I am too lazy too catch up on all the comments…lol Havent been on here in a while!
Cleo~ The best way to deal with a bully is just to ignore them. Works every time
SD Guru said ” it appears to be very involved not only emotionally but also personally. You mentioned that you had gone into business deals with her, which means she may have a lot of personal/private info about you. When things come to an end she could make your life difficult if she wants to.”. Yes, I got too involved emotionally, and totally my own fault. I badly misjudged her. However, I have been around long enough to take thongs slowly, in business and relationships. I am a big believer in the philosophy of give someone enough rope and they will eventually hang themseves which is what she did. We had talked about a couple of ventures, one she dragged her feet on (an obvious sign), and the second, she met my partner and we looked at some properties. My partner was stunningly silent when I asked his opinion, again another obvious sign. She has information on me that could cause problems, but I have more on her. I just know that I should have been more cautious emotionally, but I wasn’t, and I got bit bigtime.
@AZ Alleycat sorry to hear that. If something was already set up between the two of you, was it the fact that she felt she needed something more? Some sbs have all the luck with actually having a good sd and others can’t even get our foot in the door. S what’s next Alley cat?
Hi SD Guru. Took my pic down. It wasn’t working for me. Need better pics. Tried something and it didn’t work out. I guess some sds don’t the natural look .LOL.
First time blogging.
Sorry to hear about your pain. I recall you writing about your business involvement with your sugar. I thought then as well now what a tangled and precarious web you’ve created. Personally, to attempt a partnership on such an unstable foundation as a sugar relationship is unthinkable. Intentionally I have never had a sugar relationship last longer than 7 months. I am a married SD and allowing long term connects which involves emotional and financial entanglements is adamantly avoided. Discretions is key, business relations with a SB, annihilate privacy and no string attachments.
Have a business partner which you are having an intimate rapport, which you don’t trust….not a pretty picture. I wish you good luck!
ooppss. don’t like the natural look.
hey everyone I’m back from performing this weekend. Had a great time as usual doin my thang…lol. Funny thing happened yesterday. I saw a sb with her sd out shopping. Don’t know if she was from this site, but I KNEW what was up. When I walked in the store with my other band mates she cut her eyes at me and I caught her looking over my way a few times. The funny part was, at the same time her sd was totally staring as well. It was great. Damn, he was so freakin HOT! I was alittle jel at first, but it quickly disappeared as people kept coming up and saying how awesome the previous night’s show was. I gotta get sd’s like that…oh well.
@ toughlove Wow! I’m speechless. The advice you gave to me was so thought provoking. I am a totally different person on stage. I just do crazy sh*t cuz I could care less. I’m being sexy, daring, engaging, and just having a good time. Off stage I am extremely extremely shy. If I make eye contact with a really attractive guy, I quickly turn away and well you get the picture. That is going to be sooo hard for me to bring out the “sasha fierce” persona off stage. I wish I could dance all the time but that would be weird and in that lies my super power. I’m going to make a conscious effort to be the siren on and off stage.
@sd guru I wanted to get the opinion of a sd on the blog to what I might need to improve on my profile. Would you mind taking a look at my profile and giving some needed criticism? I send out way too many emails to not get the response that I’m looking for from pot sd’s.
@michael That situation that you went through is a learning lesson for you. Everything that glitters isn’t always gold. Great thing is your a sd! There are too too many sb’s on this site that wouldn’t mind making and sticking to said arrangement. They would truly appreciate what you have to offer including myself. Geez…I would love to find just one sd that was real and wanted to take care of my needs. More than one is a hassle. Who really wants the headache? I’m always about giving people chances, but if you are really hurt behind this then move on. You will find a great sb in no time on here.
Michael- thank you for helping us navigate this sometimes tricky and tempting world. I think its great that you are willing to admit mistakes in order to help others.
No more dwelling on the past (((hugs))))
Cleo- that was so sweet…I know what you are trying to say and have been there myself. Trust me when I say you will experience the sugar first hand…you have put so much in with little return (aside from amazing sb friends). Some sugar dust coming your way.
Still enjoying some of that sugar dusting you sent my way a while ago. How are things with you?? I’ve missed you!
Hi Yaz!!! Hope sugar is still sweet. Sasha could use some encouragement from sugar sister!!
Hi sugars! Blogging from a cabana at Rehab (camp vegas is fab)
I am utterly exhausted from it all… Grateful for awesome sugar friends, generous irl friends and men who make my heart flutter
Theme of the weekend? NYC SB is a powerful woman
Hi SD Guru (oooo spelled that right)
Sugar is still sweet even though I am not even looking anymore
I have noticed that it is when I stop looking for it that it comes my way…lol Is sasha a newbie? I have yet to catch up with all earlier blogs…
Hey NYC!!! I soooooooo should have changed to a later flight
Glad to hear you are enjoying yourself in Vegas NYCSB!
Blackjack – really intelligent approach, you are managing your SB life well!! ……. You said “Personally, to attempt a partnership on such an unstable foundation as a sugar relationship is unthinkable.” Here’s the thing – and probably where I started to go wrong – is that I really liked this woman and wanted to stabilize the relationship through expanding it beyond a sugar relationship. Working on projects together generally deepens and broadens the relationship. Fortunately we never got that far. Plus the traveling to Canada was going to get to be a problem. She had moved back to Canada for the summer after being in Arizona.
Sasha is learning the ropes, but has expressed concern over being a curvy, ltalented beauty versus a “typical” looking sb… Sound familiar?
Well, all I could tell her is that I have learned to love myself and what I have to offer to SDs here and IRL. I have gotten the best advice from you and NYCSB that night during the NYC meet. I was ready to give up on my search but you guys told me to hang in there!
Sometimes being different from the rest can and WILL work in your favor
So, all I can tell Sasha is to be confident and let it show! If she has curves, she should embrace them. A SD friend of mine told me that not all men are into stick thin figures or blondes with huge boobies…lol
Sd Guru, went to your blog the wealth of info there: WOW! I have to change my profile, there are some things I would like to change after reading about SDs. I have thought about some of the questions newbie sbs should ask themselve before entering into the world of sugar. Whether or not a married or single sd would fit my situation, gift/travel vs. allowance or both. Long-term or short-term arrangement. But I don’t think I stressed that in my profile. You said it was ok, but I think I could tweek it a little. Now one thing I didn’t see ( granted I only skimmed thru some things) was how pot Sds think about looks. Now you said that you’ve come across all different types of women from social economic backgrounds. Did you find that you can relate to these women? Find something in common with them even though they didn’t fit for you as an sb? How long did it take for you to realize there wasn’t a fit ?
I know this is a little long winded but if i don’t ask how will i find out what i need to know from an sd point of view. And your so polite and open about sd/sb arrangements, your a fountain of information.
Another thing I wanted to ask that’s very crucial and important to me is…how to discuss if you have kids?
@ Yaz I’m curvy woman and I love em. Embrace your curves ladies!
yaz: you’re right, and how i wish i could go back and delete that post. i was piqued and i forgot the golden rule of posting and forgot to ask
is it true?
is it nice?
is it necessary?
which yes, no and no… *sigh*
apologies to the blog for that by the way…
RD38. Tweak your profile after today…sundays vare busy search days and you don’t want to be pending.
I tell a pot that I have a young child and that is after I am comfortable w them, but before the arrangement talk. I assure them I have time for sugar and little to no ex drama. I don’t go into details about my family life and never introduce SD to family.
didn’t you also say you’re a married SB too though?
and if you are, like myself, when is the time to bring this up?
I personally am going into the idea this is an asset…it keeps me grounded as I have no desire to leave my IRL love relationship (my marriage is open and with a good hubby, just no $$/sugar in my life) and hopefully would allay a pot SD’s fears that I’m going to go all clingy and such as some single SB’s might (in theory).
I’m thinking I’m going to just put it out there and in my profile state things are good at home. I don’t want people to think I am mentally unstable or otherwise trying to escape a bad situation. As to kids, yup, got some of those but again, so might my pot. So what? they’re never going to meet so why does it matter?
and may I ask of the SD’s out there, why WOULD it matter if a woman has kids or even a husband/bf/sig other? I can totally understand if they are concerned that their allowance may go to support a deadbeat but if the SB in question is benefiting and NOT bringing others into this, why does it even matter??? I can’t understand how you can be possessive of a SB’s time to that degree and yet want 2-3 or more women of your own. Sort of a double standard.
I digress, what is everyone’s opinion on this? I am of course certain I will have my share of detractors or those saying “uh, no thanks”…and that’s fine. I’m more concerned with those left standing after that. Seems to me some rational men would actually PREFER a well-adjusted, happy wife/mother to spend time with in a NSA relationship. Sort of a partner-in-crime scenario.
Goodness knows, I used to work with a TON of those men….
@midwest sb That’s what I’m getting at. I don’t want my family to be involved in my sugar life at all. It’s not why I’m here but they are my life. Having an sd will be for me not them. I’m pursuing this for myself, to have some sugar for me, I want to be with an sd that understands that completely. My pot sd will probably never set eyes on them until I know we have total understanding of our arrangement and some level of discreetion and trust.
For me personally, I would rather have a maaried experienced sd. Why? I would like someone to learn a few things, and not be taken advantage of, (probably opened up a whole new can of worms with that comment).I know newbies have to learn from experience well who better to learn from than experienced sd( Guru) *wink* All I’m saying is I would want someone to guide me along, be discreet, and help me along with an allowance. I in turn can spend my time and “adult” conversation with you. I have alot of questions and goals that I would like to share with someone
For me personally, I would rather have a maaried, experienced sd. Why? I would like someone to learn a few things from, and not be taken advantage of, (probably opened up a whole new can of worms with that comment).I know newbies have to learn from experience, well who better to learn from than experienced sds( Guru) *wink* All I’m saying is I would want someone to guide me along, be discreet, and help me along with an allowance. I in turn can spend my time and “adult” conversation with him. I have alot of questions and I would like to ask someone like a pot sd who knows about what I’m asking him. Hopefully I can give a little more of what he is looking for than in other arrangements he’s had in the past or with his wife. Easier said than done.
ok something happened delete the first read the second sorry guys
>>>However, I have been around long enough to take **thongs** slowly, in business and relationships..>>>
Ok, I just have to share a moment of levity here, but you do realize this answers the question boxers or briefs, at least for your SB right?
I feel sad for your situation that this young lady was dishonest with you, unfortunately with extreme youth (which in my mind is anyone under 30), often comes a lack of maturity to understand a good thing when you’ve got it. Exceptional women do occur of course, this is just a generality. Seems when you’re old enough to know better is when you don’t have as many takers. Again, youth is wasted on the young, qui’aff?
feel free to email me directly, I’d love to chat with you off blog, I’m utterly alone in meeting any other SB’s out there and I think I would have more in common with the women in this group/lifestyle than any other. bicentennialsugarbaby at yahoo dot com. I am one of those women who has precious few female friends (2 lifelong ones) as I tend to make friends with men much more easily, being male in many attitudes, and this frightens my female friends, esp those who have men in their lives.
I’ve had more than one set of friends disappear once they became a “couple” at the behest of the woman, and this without ANY desire to involve myself as anything other than a friend to both. Comes with the territory I guess and I imagine a lot of you ladies know exactly what I’m talking about.
@Shakira in NC,
Same offer goes for you, I’m a few states away but I know a lot of people in the carolinas. Your area is tough and you may have to look around in either Charlotte or DC as well. I’m in a similar boat being in the middle of BFE but they do make planes, trains and automobiles I hear, so that’s a good thing!
Hey all, I’m new to the site…well it’s been a few weeks. Why do I only have ONE email? I am very pretty (at least I thought so). Maybe it’s a race thing? I know a lot of guys on hear are into anything BUT black women. Any thoughts?
@Arissa Right from the jump. I think that’s a touchy subject, any takers? And welcome to the site and sugarworld!
@bicentennial – I had one pot SD tell me that I should put the fact that I don’t have kids in my profile. His main concern was that he wanted someone who could travel on a moment’s notice and he felt that women with children weren’t as flexible in that regard. We’d didn’t end up meeting, but I know that was one man’s thinking on the issue. No one else ever asked me before meeting if I had kids and even then it seemed to be more out of curiosity than concern.
”I really liked this woman and wanted to stabilize the relationship through expanding it beyond a sugar relationship.” Perhaps you may not have succeeded in stabilizing this relationship; nevertheless you seem to have an extraordinary rapport with the opposite sex that is deeper and more profound than the physical, an admirable characteristic indeed.
ok well i’m off. In NY it’s getting a little late and I have to prepare myself for grinding out another work week. Sweet sugar for those who got it. Have a great week sugar
I don’t get why people are sooo closed minded. It’s one thing to have a preference, but it’s another to just be closed minded. I guess it is a touchy subject, although it shouldn’t be. But looking at some of the other bolg entries, I guess I’m not the only blk girl experiencing this.
Funny thing is, I see some of the most BUSTED women of other races, with not half of the things I have going for myself bragging about who/what they have. It is such a shame.
Oops, on here! Ugh, I hate typos!
Blackjack – “nevertheless you seem to have an extraordinary rapport with the opposite sex that is deeper and more profound than the physical, an admirable characteristicindeed”.
Wow, and thank you.
Hear that girls? And I am currently available!!
Look out girls, he’s on the prowl. But, you can’t do much better than an alleycat!
Say Michael, now that you’re on the loose, If you get up to NYC let me know, We can go out sarging! lol I can be your wing man!
Thanks Stormy, I certainly will!! Starting to feel a bit better, and back on the prowl….
Still really mad though. I am talking with a good friend of mine tomorrow, building a plan, as I really want to call SB on her crap, which I plan to do on Thursday. Funny thing – I have called her on other crap before, and she appreciated me doing it. Apparently nobody else call her on stuff like that.
Wow Arissa! You really have to understand that it all boils down to preferences. I understand your frustration but even “busted” women can attract sugar daddies. They may be busted but maybe their personnalities make up for it. Like I have said earlier not all SDs are attracted to girls who look like VS top models. Some girls are gorgeous yes but maybe all they do is just talk about how pretty they are and how they deserve this and that. That is a real turn off to many SDs. You can also be drop dead beautiful and have a very ugly personnality.
All I am saying is that just because you are black does not mean that you will not find a sugar daddy BUT ALSO just because you are pretty and have everything going for you does NOT mean that you will be swamped with emails. Your profile and pictures is what will attract them and your personnality is what will keep them around
You just have to hang in there and be yourself. You will find your SD soon if you remain positive. No need to talk bad about other SBs who have already found theirs.
Well you know it’s OK to be angry. Working throught the anger is part of both processes. Either the dealing with the loss and dissapointment or the defining the rift and healing the damage done to the relationship. In either case acknowledging the anger and working through it allows you to let it go. After all none of want you to turn into a postal worker.
@ michael so do you like caramel? lol!
@ midwest Thanks for tellin Yaz about me. I know if I can experience the sugar that I’m looking for, it would give me the boost I need to boost my confidence through the roof.
@ Yaz what’s up. I haven’t seen you on the blog before but I’m fairly new. I liked the advice you gave me earlier on. Just not understanding what’s going wrong. Changed my profile, changed the pic, sent out hundreds of emails…literally, but no sd. Well one that can really be what I’m looking for. No meet and greets…nothing! Starting to develop a a complex about it, but people tell me that I’m pretty so wtf? Any…I’m trying to be patience…still on the prowl. By the way..I have seen your pic before and you are beautiful. I can also tell that you have an awesome personality which is the most important thing.
Hey Hey Alleycat you are on the prowl……..meowmeow…… Im on the west coast as well take a look around ……..
Michael sorry to hear that A SB was not good to you it makes SB’s like m that are willing to be genuine, sincere and honest and loving for a good SD look bad. Sorry to hear when you’re ready i am here kisses dear
This site really is a huge playground for sugar daddies. Sooooo many beautiful and smart SBs trying to get their attention. You just have to arm yourself with a lot of patience.
Also, SA WILL make you doubt yourself lol Men in real life might be breaking their necks when you walk past them and so many of them might tell you how pretty you are but when you come on here and your profile gets no attention you start asking yourself “Whats wrong with me?? I thought I could have any man I wanted!” lol This used to drive me insane when I first joined SA.
Sasha ~ Please don’t let your race discourage you. It has NOTHING to do with you not finding a SD
Bi Baby – I am single
OK before this moment I never weighed in on the race issue because I realize that I’m a pretty wierd SD and don’t fit the norm of SDs in general. I don’t really think it is that touchy of a subject unless someone makes it a touchy subject. I notice that it is usually discussed between black SB’s, seldom commented on by anyone else, but results in a feeling, by all, that there really isn’t much that can be changed. Well before we go that far I would like to say that as a white anglo saxon male I’ve communicated with numerous black potential SBs but have not found a connection. In the past, I have also seriously dated two black woman irl. (not simultaneously lol) Among the SD’s that I know I have never heard anyone dismissing the idea of having a black SB. I think the reason that I personally wasn’t able to connect so far was not because of race difference or lack of attractiveness from my view, but rather because of background, circle of friends, life experiences, additude, etc.
By the way…I have noticed that most of the normal bloggers have become quiet. Hmmm…..sometimes silence speaks volumes.
(I love angel names BTW…), let us east coast girls know if you’re on the prowl anytime soon out here. Drop me a line if you would like a photo! I’m sure you will have NO shortage of SB’s in your future so don’t despair.
Regarding race, that’s a touchy subject, but hey I’ll contribute my 2 cents. I’m not shy when it comes to controversy.
One thing you have to understand as a woman of color is that it is NOT YOU, but equally valid is the fact that with many of these men, there’s NO changing their preferences. Race is such a deeply ingrained issue (esp in the deep south and with so called “old money”) that it’s on the level of homosexuality as to things a man is variable on.
As an example, I have many, many male friends who while they have a “type” (blond, or leggy, or busty, or brown eyes, or blue eyes, or short gals or curvy) that they may deviate from, not ONE of them I know as a close personal friend—-some of whom I’ve known since college—would ever consider dating a black woman anymore than they would date another male. It’s not that black = male, it’s that its such a deeply ingrained aversion or preference that there’s no overcoming it.
While it is the 21st century and we are all enlightened on many fronts, you cannot ARGUE someone into a preference either. And that is the danger I feel some ladies are going into here, trying to beat down or argue their logic as to why a man should choose them. Whether it’s weight, height, age, or race, there’s no reason why any SB should be trying to CONVINCE a SD that hers is the better way. It is what it is.
I know in my own case I’m ok with a few extra pounds on a man and I could care less really how he dresses (except for obvious hygeine). I PREFER blue eyes and silver or white hair and love a man with a deep voice and a sense of humor. I would consider men outside this standard. I would not however date a man who was bisexual or one who is shorter than myself. These are 2 things that are huge turn offs, and no amount of rationalization is going to overcome my knee-jerk reaction of YUCK. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with men in that category, only that those are things that I don’t find in my pool of “considerables” and they are automatically eliminated.
Racial intolerance is unacceptable in the workplace and in commerce as well as in our day to day dealings with one another, but in the very personal world of sugar dating, I think this is one area that is a private decision and there is no wrong answer here. Period.
Attraction is not something you can rationalize nor be angry about. Lots of men hate blonds for no reason, or redheads, or Asian eyes, or tall girls or WHATEVER….so what?? Why would you even want them to consider you in the first place if that’s their objection?? You’d never make them happy. So to my mind, it’s wasting time and effort to ask WHY to questions like that.
Just my .02, but again, I think there’s someone for everyone, it just takes patience.
Hey Sasha – sounds great! Just as long as you are not a 5’10″ anglo blonde! Time for a change methinks…
Well I guess I must not be black then…lol because I have already had one SD and several pots. Distance was the biggest reason why many of my first dates with those pots never turned into arrangements.
Midwest is single and fab u so should have delayed ur flight… Rehab was super fun!
I have bee away from the site for a while , I didn’t have much experience.
now i am back again, I hope I don’t meet any “joke daddy” again. I will all the loser and mean daddy go to hell
Bicentennial baby ~ Loved your response!
BTW: I have also never connected with a US woman of any race. I do very well with woman from every other culture except the good old US of A So I really am wierd.
I have a question that Is anyone here having sd pay over 10,000. tell me the story,please
Hey SugaBeckha – click on my name (above) and send me a note…. you never know….
@stormcat Thanks for chiming in. Funny thing for me is I relate better to how you put it, white anglo saxon male(thats cute). I grew up mainly around rich white kids. I love so many things that are typically related to that culture. All my family calls me the black white girl because I do scuba dive, parasail, and rock climb…basically things that aren’t stereotypically done in the black communtiy. Also I have asian ancestry which I thought made me more interesting. I felt stepping onto this site I would be a white man’s dream. I might be something different from what he’s used to, but can still completely understand where he is coming from and most likely able to relate on almost all levels.
Anyway let me shut up about this and move on. It was just nice it was mentioned again.
“Just as long as you are not a 5′10″ anglo blonde! Time for a change methinks”
Ah, well, knocks me out of the running….I’m a 5’7″ anglo blond. drat!
Arissa~ I am not on “some Whoopi type attitude”. I consider myself average looking but maybe the reason why I have had more luck than you on THIS site ( You seem to be doing pretty good on other sites) is because I have not let the race issue turn me into a bitter SB ( not implying that you are but you do sound like it) I think you mentionned earlier that you have only been on this site for a few weeks so maybe you should exercise some more patience before letting anger and dissapointment overwhelm you.
There is obviously no need to argue or hope to make you change your mind on this issue so I will not even try to
Just as I cannot get mad for people having “preferences” (although it is deeper than that), people cannot get mad at me for having something to say about their so-called “preferences. I have the right to feel how I do. Were the shoe on the other foot, other women would feel the same. What if you came to this site and saw black women much less attractive than you, with less going for them getting 100 emails, when you as a non-black woman received 1 email? What if this was a common trend?What would you think? How would you feel? Only difference between me and the other two blk girls here is that I am not going to think something is wrong with me (Sasha), and I’m not going to act like I don’t know the issue exists (Yaz). As I said, my intention was to rant. People are always going to ignore issues like this, or disagree with the minority’s stance b/c they are the majority. But you do have exceptions, (Yaz).
Well as Cleo so aptly put about determining what to post here
is it true?
is it nice?
is it necessary?
So rather than be drawn into nonproductive argument, I have nothing more to say tonight.
–going into lurk mode–
It’s late, so good night sugar cats and kittens
@bibaby You are right. If a guy doesn’t want me then I don’t want him. Just don’t understand why there are so many more guys on here to choose from, but they prob see an email from a black/asian girl and then just delete and move on. I have had about 475 profile views, but no sd? Those views are because of all the damn emails I have sent….lol.
@michael Yes as I mentioned above I’m 5 3 and black/asian…far from white anglo.. I live in the middle of the country and love the travel where ever when ever. Ahhhh…I love the flirt.
Bicentennial Baby – that could work! Just not 5’10″, please …. send me a message …
I know you ladies have heard this a million times, but it doesn’t seem to sink in. It’s not always a numbers game. You have to work your assets and make them the reason a SD finds you. Example of your headline: Curves that will drive you wild. Get my drift?
Be patient and have a thick skin. Yaz is a gorgeous black woman with curves and has had success on SA. She is walking, talking proof that there is someone for everyone. I am an attractive, 43 year old white woman who lives in a small town and I have had success. It can and does happen, but it will take literally months. You will tweak and take new pictures.
I may have gotten a total of 30 e-mails in the first three months I signed up. I went on one date and he became my SD. Second time around, I got maybe 10 e-mails, 3 dates and met SD after another 3 months. I screened relentlessly and dealt with a few obnoxious guys, a poofer and a picture collector. It’s almost like an initiation. It’s the norm, so just tell yourself now that it’s going to take time.
Lastly…the guys who look and leave are saving you time so don’t dwell on it.
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…” If I can do it, so can any of you!
As for family conversations:
I bring it up after the first few conversations on the phone. He has to know my limitations and has to feel comfortable that we will be able to meet as little or as often as he seeks. I don’t share a lot of details and I tell them outright that that they will not meet my child. They are good with it and appreciate the honesty. Furthermore, they are much more understand when they know to expect that you will need to arrange a sitter or can visit on x,y, z days. He will likely offer to reimburse you for a sitter or make sure you can spend long weekends together away somewhere. If you enter an arrangement, then suddenly are unavailable due to family obligations, he won’t like the surprise.
@ michael wouldn’t mind chatting with you sometime off the blog. Would you mind me shooting you an email sometime? Wow…that’s way forward for a very very shy girl like myself, but hey what the hell.
@ stormcat I’m sad that you are going back into lurking mode. I always love your input.
@midwest cool calm collective…I love it. Being shy myself I do feel like arissa alot of the time but I just don’t vocalize it. I wish that I had the success that you have had on SA. I’m going to do what you said and just keep swimming. My arms get tired from time to time, but then when I want to give up a sb comes to lift me up. All us sb’s are in this together black, white, asian, latino, whatever. We have to uplift each other rather than tear each other down. No matter how much harder it may be for some sb’s. I hope that some day my sweet genuine nature does shine through to the right sd and then I will be rejoicing and sharing my experiences with other newbie sb’s.
Thanks Sasha. Don’t worry I’m still around. I am just not going to argue with someone who has already made their mind about what I’m saying and reads what they want to believe into it but not actually reading what I’m saying. There is no reason to say anything further then because it isn’t logic or reason that you are dealing with rather only the dreaded closed mind.
Sasha ~ I did not attack Arissa and I am sorry she feels that way. Obviously, me being a black woman and not completely agreeing with her is maybe why she saw my posts as attacks. Dont know.
Hope my earlier advice will help you in your sugar search!
Hey Sasha – can you send me your profile #? Or you can send me a note through my profile above. I’m curious to get to know you more.
Yaz ~ I don’t think you were attacking her any more than I was. She came for the purpose of making race and issue to be argued about. She was bent on attacking anyone who disagreed with her or even appeared to disagree with her. She accomplished what she set out to do and then left.
Arissa- If you ever met Yaz in person, you would realize that she means no ill will. She is one of the kindest, soft- spoken ladies I have met from SA. This venue lacks the emotion it takes to convey a message properly at times and people misunderstand intentions. I think that ultimately you two agree, but one feels more strongly about the issue than the other. There is no right/wrong and I think Bi Baby stated it very well. That said, I hope you will cautiously keep an open mind. I know there are men on this site who will date a black woman just to say they have, but truly have no genuine interest. I also know you can meet a white man here who absolutely adores black women…you just haven’t yet. It’s too challenging to generalize on this site…it’s a melting pot of sb/sds. I hope you two can join forces and be fierce indeed! Jump in anytime Sasha!
@ stormcat..oh good You have really helped me in the past so I guess its alright for you to lurk, but don’t be too far away.
@michael I have tried to click on your profile, but it says its unavailable. Anyway I can send you a personal email sometime. I love getting to know people and if you’ve read in previous post, most guys love that I can be a great friend to them among other things.
@Yaz I didn’t want things to escalate anymore so thats why I said what I said. I love arissa’s in your face attitude. Maybe because I can be so shy at times, but the is peace, love , and respect to all post coming from me. Keep doing you and arissa will do the same, right along with everyone else on this blog. Much love!
NYC – I know, I know ***slaps forehead***
Guess who won’t be dragging a$$ at work tomorrow morning I want details tomorrow.
Sorry for my grammar and typos today…I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. The full moon has had fun wreaking havoc in the sugar world this weekend!
Micheal I clicked on it and it said that it was not available …….. have a great evening check me out you never know
Micheal I would love to talk more with you talk to you soon
Sasha – cool. I just un-hid my profile, maybe that’s why you can’t see me. Send me an email, love to hear from you.
I’m wrecked; its been a big couple of days and I still have to process a lot of stuff. Talk to you all soon.
Arissa ~ by you own post you said you already knew the answer and that you came herer to rant. That is in and of itself an attack on the peacefulness of this blog and a declaration that you had already made up i.e. closed your mind to anything that anyone said that disagreed with your position. Step back and look carefully at what everyone said, not just those who agreed with you.
Now, It’s not my fault or my belief, and I’m probably going to get hell for saying this, but . . .
Sugar Dating is fun. The race issue is serious and not fun! It is logical then that the easiest way to assure having fun is to avoid the race issue altogahter. Hence, rich white guys won’t USUALLY consider black women as potentials.
I hate to see any of our ladies squabbling, regardless of color, we are after all after the same thing….happiness in the sugar bowl, right?
That being said I had a thought, and it might get me a bwhap on the head here…but I just had to share this, because I think it’s pertinent.
I think the REAL problem isn’t whether or not white or Asian men will date a beautiful black SB…while I don’t have friends who would, I equally know there are a LOT of men out there who absolutely would love to date a lovely woman, and wouldn’t give two cents WHAT color she was, she could be purple. I heard it put quite crudely once, and I’ll try to nicen-up the saying, but we are all *pink* inside. Think of it as sugarbaby, Barbie princess pink….so there’s no real difference there. The REAL problem is that there simply arent’ enough men of color to be SD’s!! I have read many times (no experience here to draw upon, sorry) that many, many black men are proud to PREFER a strong, beautiful black woman over ANY other race….the problem is that very few men of that race reach the economic level of success necessary to be a sugar daddy to a deserving woman of color.
My personal opinion only, but I think the actual problem is the fact that so few black men are able to cross the barrier to become a sugar daddy and seek out that special ebony/coffee/cappucino princess sugar baby of their dreams, and that leaves a lot of deserving young women fighting over men of other races whose own women are fighting for them to begin with.
Supply and demand is the crux of the issue, not racism. Racism in my mind is HATRED of other races, and I don’t think ANY of these men feel that way about the women they see on SA. Avoidance of races other than your own is known as xenophobia and is simply a preference but please don’t confuse it with racism. I don’t think anyone here (myself included since I’m from more than one racial background as well) is a racist.
@stormcat Oh no….don’t say that. Hope that isn’t the REAL truth. Who cares if I have a great permanent tan? I’m a loving caring woman than can please or satisfy any man of any race. It just shouldn’t be an issue at all. Playboy bunnies tan everyday of the week to get the tan I got…lol. That is the only surface difference. Wait til you get to know me…then you are hooked. That’s the prob…most guys haven’t given me a chance to get to know me. Care to take a look at my profile and offer some tips on why this seems to be the case?
wow! I can’t take it anymore…. ever hear of self fulfilling prophesy? Arissa you came, shared your opinion and ask for others to share theirs. They did just that. Let’s not forget the meaning of opinion here. IMO you should take a hard look within yourself and make the necessary adjustments to then be able find the successes you seek here.
If one cannot graciously receive another’s opinion it might be best not to ask for it. One sharing their own views and experiences will not invalidate your own.
You sometimes get just what you give out. It might be best to analyse your subconscious feelings and attitude that might be transmitted within your different forms of communication that might cause you to be overlooked on this site despite your perceived beauty.
I also believe that it’s this subconscious that resulted in your choice of words and shared thought that might have cause those of all races who really wish to offer a meaningful contribution to this discussion to remain in lurk mode or just pull the plug all together.
BiCentennial – well said!
BTW I just have to share, your statement that “black women have never met America’s standard of beauty” is utterly false.
I had the pleasure of meeting the reigning Miss America Carissa Cameron back when she was younger and just starting to model and she’s black…..also the new Teen Miss USA crowned last night is from my area and guess what…she’s also black. She beat out 4 tall skinny blonds once she made top 5.
Two of the “most beautiful women in America” according to an actual competition happen to be black this year. So the thought process that its’ a looks issue or racism in America keeping all black women down is incorrect.
See . . . I admit that there is predjudice in the world and then there is more anger than I can possibly ever sooth over no matter how I myself feel. Did I not dirve through the streets honking in celebration when a black man was elected president. Do I not still have Obama bumper stickers on my vehicles. I think for the most part that the race issue would go away forever if it were just dropped. But it is continually pressed and although many have no prejudise they are still forced to assume that blame over and over. Can there be no place where it is a nonissue? Is it always to be thrown up in our faces? If a white man is poor and uneducated does he get any sympathy. No it is entirely his fault.
Stormcat – re: rich white men/ black women comment
As one who has worked with very successful business men on a level where I am analyzing their company’s balance sheet -I will agree. I am also going to be quite frank but Arissa, your choice of words and counter responses is an example of why that might be – whether that’s actually justified or not…
I will now graciously pull the plug………
~~~ A brown skin SB~~~
Is there a way for the blog gods to issue a warning ?! Goodness gracious!
I am a lady of mixed origin myself however I am filipino and german american. I have dated men of different races and have not thought of race or ethnicity being a issue. It is unfortunate that is the case here and in other situations, but sad but true I am seeing that maybe it is. I did not think that was the case so much here. I hope everyone especially me lol finds what they are serching for here…. People should not be so harsh to judge on things but that is what makes America great freedom of speech…… Happy Sugars kiss kiss
I knew I should have stayed in lurk mode!
Please don’t take my comments wrong of offensive, I am just a open minded person and don’t understand racism, I see it alot hear about it all the time but did not expect it to be as prevelant as it is here. that’s all from what I am reading that seems to be the case somewhat. maybe I am wrong if I am I will accept that.
I dont think that you are playing the race card at all. I know that a few weeks ago I was frustrated as hell that I haven’t received a response on my profile. I did not attribute it to my ethnicity or race. But I was frustrated it is ok to be frustrated and for everyone to have a opinion but you cannot expect people to understand your point if they do not see it firsthand, it is not givin you a hard time, it is expression of opinions that’s all. Good luck in your sugar hunt. Oh and a sidenote. I do know some very successful black men that could afford a sb if they wanted to, but they are married to strong successful black women.
I had a fab sugar weekend(okay so not a full weekend,friday night/saturday), but it was fun all the same until I got drunk. Lesson learned, toffee vodka is evil,lol. Im also a black sb and so I understand Arissa’s point(not that you all don’t understand it). Ill just add my 2cents to what has already been said. @ Arissa, I did notice the silence when you asked your question and so I understand why you were aggravated. However, sometimes, some questions are just overlooked which has nothing to do with race. I have found that in the US, interracial dating of any kind is a bit more taboo. I think its a bit different in the UK or at least from my own experience/opinion. My present SD is very rich and very white,lol and does not find white girls attractive but he is anything but racist, thats just his preference. There have also been guys who think I am attractive but would not date me just because I am black and the worst is when I get a mail which says I wouldn’t normally date black girls but you are very hot. That really disturbs me,lol. Just like a someone mentioned above, it all boils down to preference and it is only when hatred for another race is involved, can we say it is racism. I personally think someone that is attractive is just that, irrespective of colour. Not to sound big headed but I know I am very attractive(model looks,height etc and also a law student) and so Im not really bothered if someone says they will not date me because of something like my race. I do that all the time when I see someone unnattractive, short,fat etc and judge them by their appearance which more often than not, they cannot change. That is life and so we just have to brush it off and keep it moving. There is someone out there for everyone and this sugar world makes you doubt yourself sometimes but just as SD’s may be partial to a certain race, so are our fingers unequal. Bottom line, life is not always fair but you can’t sit down and dwell on the bad times.
On a happier note, Im looking forward to Creamfields (SD bought my friend and I tickets)for those in the UK, who is going? This will be my first ever festival,yay! Im chuffed.lol
Next weekend will be fun too, shopping online for a new outfit…….love you all and UK sb’s get in touch. We need to unite, I cant stand d Vegas unions anymore(Im jelous):(……xxx
I just re read what I wrote about the racism thing here….. Let me say I am not saying there are racists on here…. I meant that I did not think race was such a issue in the sugar world thats all please don’t kill the messenger thank u
UK Baby well put sweetie kudos and happy sugars
Um, Stormcat is not a SB (he’s a SD) and I’ve seen his profile picture and he’s very attractive BTW. Anyone who is into the study of minerals isn’t stupid. Please don’t beat up on a guy who has the game to play here.
You brought up an excellent point about black men who have met with success mostly being already married to strong black women. I totally didn’t even think about that side of things (since sugarland really doesn’t consider marriage) but thinking about it, I believe you are right.
It could simply be a cultural difference, in that fewer eligible black men are willing to consider such an arrangement, as well as the fact that as a generality, there seem to be fewer men of color who can afford such to begin with.
I agree with Stormcat about the no pity for the white guy who doesn’t succeed in life, my DH has busted his @ss for years to succeed and been passed over twice for promotion by affirmative action candidates. I’m not bitter about it at all, but reverse discrimination is alive and well and woe betide the white male who happens to mention the fact.
As Toughlove so eloquently said on a different subject, can open, worms everywhere!!!
I prefer gummy worms myself.
Race is one of those topics that can blow up a blog, like religion and politics. And as a guy I know better than not to discuss age, weight/size, and sex in mixed company.
One of the well known SB’s who wrote the original book on sugar relationships, Leidra Lawson, is black. For those who are not familiar with who she is, just google her name and look up her book. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting her in person, and obviously she did not let her race prevent her from being a successful SB. That’s all I have to say about this subject.
I’ll catch up on the blog and respond more tomorrow.
You’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but please be respectful of other people’s opinion and refrain from name calling and personal attacks.
Wow, is all I can say!!!! I come on and find bullcrap!!! again… we are here to share and help one another. If your question is not answered right away DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY, people don’t always refresh…
As SD GURU said:We are all entitled to our Opinions, but be respectful of others and refrain from name calling and personal attacks…
Arissa~ you don’t know anyone here… we are not all going to lie down and spread our legs for anyone… If you would read the old blogs you would see that we are ALL here to help one another…
Storm~ hey what a night on the blog!!! besides that, how are you?
Midwest, NYC SB~ I am glad you had fun in Vegas… I wanna see photos
Sasha ~ I’m sorry I wrote that, It isn’t true. I wrote it for effect and I apologize to you and the blog using such a tactic.
Hey BG! I’m about the same. And It’s good to see a friendly blogger after that firestorm. I can usually keep out of these things but somehow tonight I just got sucked into it. Maybe I was just in the mood for a fight.
Storm~ I think things got out of control…. Sometimes it’s better to let things go and to spew out venom… But, emotions get the best of everyone at some point… Me included!
Arissa~ For the record, I am tall, Blond, great legs and some of the SBs and SDs here can tell you, I am beautiful… And I DO NOT have a SD!!! So…
Ok so I just sent out 20 emails or so…no responses. I can’t really think that none of those guys found me attractive or didn’t like what I had to say in my profile. Well anyway I did that to take a break from the blog for a moment. I still stand on the fact that most of what arissa said is how I feel every time I send out emails on this site. I am just so shy that I don’t vocalize such things because of what I knew would happen…which it did tonight. I am still glad it was brought up again because now I know where some regular bloggers really stand on the issue. Can’t change a pot sd’s mind through an email though….just waiting for the chance to shine(more than I already do on stage..hehe)
Are there any sd bloggers who wouldn’t mind critiquing my profile from the sd perspective? Just wanting all the advice I can get because no matter what I’m determined and not a quitter. I don’t care if I’m blue…I believe that there is more than one needdle in the hay stack guy that will LOVE me.
Arissa~ I Cannot comment on Racism… I have a lot of Black Girlfriends, I don’t understand it… I don’t like to confront either, his opinion whether is right or wrong, is his… I don’t think white men prefer white women, I think it’s a preference.
For me, I don’t like to get into these types of comments, it leads to hurtful things said and venom being spewed on the blog.
If SDs feel like they prefer white women, girl their f**n’ loss… If you get mails that are racist, block and next…
I just think our emotions get in the way, I know what was said I did read a bit of it… but sometimes it’s better to let it be… I know, it’s hard. I have spewed my share of venom here, now , I try and be more optimistic and let people say what they want. I might agree or not… If it gets to me, I walk away for a bit!
I haven’t been on here for a while and it’s because of the bullcrap.. I don’t like fights, we all have strong personalities and sometimes, yes, we clash! It’s not what you can say to change their minds it’s how you handle the criticism… wow, not sure if that is said in English, but that is saying in french… sorry
Arissa~ I wasn’t offended when you said that everyone is here to spread their legs and get up the social ladder… I was just answering you that I was blond , tall, leggy and beautiful… and didn’t have a SD… I do think that race is a sensitive subject.
I know the process of finding a SD is hard. It takes time and effort. A lot of emails out and no reply, he didn’t read it and logged on… blah blah…
You will find your perfect match no matter if you are black or white!
One thing I can say , I would not be with a rude or dirty ( meaning unclean) SD. There are some preferences that I have too…
When a guywill choose a white, snotty, more unattractive sb over a blk one that surpasses her in every way….
Just my guess here, but a guy will NOT choose the white, snotty, more unattractive SB over a black one that surpasses her in every way.
He will choose the pleasant, happy, well-adjusted woman of HIS color preference over the white, snotty, more unattractive one OR one with a chip on her shoulder—-every time. Having an embittered attitude is unattractive on a woman of any race.
I respect you for having the courage of your convictions to say what’s on your mind…but it’s HOW you defend yourself that sets whether you will be perceived by future SD’s (irregardless of the opinions of those on this blog) as a woman of intellect able to hold her own gracefully in a verbal tiff OR as a woman with an inner agenda who simply cannot let go of the chip on her shoulder about the hand life dealt her.
I speak from experience, I had a similar engagement with Toughlove coming onto this blog and being “called out” for a somewhat arrogant comment I made…one that was true, but a bit presumptuous nonetheless. Rather than be upset with him, I took the time to think about what he said and realized I was being a little selfish in not stopping to consider not only what others on the blog were reading but how my actions and approach might be affecting my own other half at home. It was because of his comment I started a conversation with my husband about the situation in the sugar bowl and it led to my realizing he completely supported me after all…it was the fact I was being arrogant and not acknowledging how I’d like it to have the shoe on the OTHER foot to just dictate terms to another on what they feel.
Apples and oranges on the subject matter, but in a similar way I was not immediately happy having another person DARE call me out about my opinions, I immediately realized part of maturity is being able to accept that opinions differ and handle that gracefully. That is my only take away for you, not that your opinions or viewpoint are wrong…they aren’t, but you must be prepared to accept the very same soup you dish out to others as well.
“Never ask for by right that which you may equally well request by favor”
My two cents, your mileage may vary.
Bicentennial Baby~ I agree sometimes we let our emotions take over. We are emotional beings…
Sometimes we just need to walk away or just let it go, hard to do… something that I have learned over time…
BBaby ~ You are amazing!
Arissa~ that is uncalled for..
@arissa One thing you are right about. I have experienced what you are refering to. Most of the few emails I have received back have been for a “pay for play” situations…eek! I am not a whore! So I have politely declined and wished them well, but wondered…am I not good enough for an arrangement that involves an allowance? Even an ongoing thing would be nice geez…. Crazy that the same guy states in his profile looking for regular visits and even puts down what he doesn’t mind spending. Though I get lots of attention IRL, I have questioned myself many times about am I pretty enough for this site. Anyway You shouldn’t concerned about the blog. You have alot going for yourself and things to do. I come here cause I needed support to navigate this crazy terrain and I have got that…just not the sd I want. I’m also a person who has and always will be a peace keeper. So who gives a crap if people agree or don’t. Bringing yourself to anger only supports the stereotype that all black women are angry. Don’t fall into that category. Much love!
Arissa ~ Calm yourself. I haven’t come close to even implying such an opinion by any stretch. I have no doubt that you are a beautiful intelligent woman of fine character.
Sasha~ you are not the only one that gets the “pay per play” mail… I get them too… I think a there are a lot of fake SDs and it’s time consuming to find the real deal! and oh so frustrating at times. I think the profile and pics have a lot to do with it. If you go back a few blogs, I think Midwest talked about how to make your profile better….
Arissa~ are you saying that because I am white I don’t understand why it’s hard to find a SD????
I think you are angry right now and letting your emotions get the best of you! please, lets all start again and not spew venom! me , you, storm and everyone , OK?
@bibaby That was well stated. Man…toughlove ruffled my feathers at first too, but just recently he came on and said something amazing to me…so sometimes you have to walk away when you get mad. I actually took away something life changing from his post. I do have to say that most of the time I never post as much as I have tonight. For once I felt more engaged than ever before because I could relate on a real level. I unfortunately can’t relate right now…to the post of sb’s going ummm… I have 3 pot sd dates this weekend. Or my sd is taking me to the gucci store and I dont even have to spend the 5k-10k allowance he gives me. So now we have discussed this issue and we will move on to other issues. I just wish I could post about my own sugar weekend on the blog…hehe. That’s ok for now I spoil myself with shopping escursions, which I did this weekend.
Arissa~ That is awful to have someone say that. Like I said, I didn’t disrespect your experiences.
I have had my share of weirdos too But, to be called the N word is so uncalled for… it’s just so wrong.
I am sorry that that has happened to you! But we are not all racists.
We need to respect each other, we are our support here.
Sasha~ do you have a SD, I am sorry I don’t know!!!
I hate to do this but I’ll step in and call a time out.
All posts from Arissa since my warning to her about an hour ago have been removed. Please do not respond to her posts, it will only generate more mess to clean up.
Discussing differing opinions in a constructive manner is always welcome in the blog. However, personal attacks and name calling are not.
I hope this will bring some calmness to the blog. See you all in the morning.
Arissa~ that is just sad, I can’t imagine someone saying that, HE IS NOT A TRUE SD girl… be glad you found out before hand… omg!
SD Guru~ I didn’t know that! By the way, like your blog, I do read it!!!
Stephan ~ Sorry!!!!
BG you are right. Again I apologize for getting involved especially to Sasha. I’ve liked you from the beginning and have had nothing but good wishes for your success. I hope that you can forgive me if I offended you. There is not a bigoted bone in my body.
Funny, illiterate . . . I wasn’t considered illiterate when I passed the NY Bar exam and was admitted to the practice of law or when I defended my dissertation and recieved my docterate in molecular biology or when I recieved the presidential award for my research in dicsovering and characterizing a new lymphokine. I haven’t been illiterate since I was about 5 years old.
I didn’t see the posts, guess it’s a good thing, our only intention was constructive dialogue. Perhaps we can all take away the lesson to be kind to one another. Adversity strikes us each at one time or another in life, it’s common to all just different in what form it takes.
With that in mind, it’s bedtime in my part of Sugarland, need my beauty sleep. Sweet dreams to all.
Storm~ It happens to the best of us!
We are all here to share and help one another… We are all strong and opinionated people! Sometimes, we have to walk away!
We can’t always understand… I am not illiterate either, but I do make tons of mistakes… because I’m french HA ( yes, and blonde… I know! HAHA)
@BG I don’t have what I call a “real” sd yet or atleast what I desire to make this a mutual beneficial experience. I thought being an intelligent caring girl on this site would set me apart from most but then I started blogging and found out that I had..almost too much competition. I just sent out lots of emails and almost all have been read but no response…SO FRUSTRATING! I’m just baffled right now.
@sd guru I wasn’t upset or sad until I read the last post. All of arissa’s post have been removed? I thought this was an explosive yet thought provoking convo that future bloggers could reference back to and understand that they aren’t alone in their thoughts. Oh well I guess the flames burned a few folks, but I’m here to stay until I find a sd that I can connect with. Open to all advice and opinions. Much love!
Sasha~ I know it’s Frustrating as hell… But , keep on searching and you will find what you are looking for! I know how you feel. I was baffled and so discouraged at first… Then met some of the best people … So, I don’t have a SD … so what! It will happen when it’s right! I have had a lot of SDs say after a drink that they were in LOVE with me… No thanks… it takes patience to find the right SD…
As for the posts being deleted, all disrespectful statements and such are usually taken off. We are not here to attack or call each other names, we are here to help. If it gets your blood boiling, walk away… it’s the best advice!
HA, just saying here, when the hell did I get this unemotional??? HA, i’m so good! Thanks Storm!!! You SB lol…
@stormcat It’s cool. I do have to say that the comment kind of hurt my sensitive side, but I really hope that’s not how you feel on the inside because I have respected your opinion this whole time I’ve been on. I guess when it was said…it was once again a shock to my system kind of like toughlove. I have fought through this my whole life. I hate it when people say to me..wow you are so articulate. You don’t talk like other black people…errrrrgh. I mean 1) I went to a very elite school and 2) how are black people suppose to talk? I just really really hope that the comment isn’t the truth to the majority. To be honest I am very attracted to older white men whether they have lots and lots of money or not.
Goodnight sugar fam!
Omg, finally back to a peaceful blog. Thank you SD guru (I love reading your blog btw) Midwest, bicen babe, and many others for your thoughts and opinions. It was very interesting to read tonight’s blog, but I often felt like “pulling the plug” and going to bed. I wish people would consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or emotional appeal.
So let’s get back to the topic at hand.
I know this is off topic, but are there any SD’s from Chicago that are regularly on the blog?
Another Brown skinned SB
Arissa, if I had to guess – your tendency to flip out rather than your race has more to do with your lack of success.
I would drop an SD for that kind of drama, I can’t imagine an SD wanting to tolerate emotional abuse from an SB.
I am also gonna go on a limb and infer that your profile reflects your combative nature and potential SDs that were initially attracted by your picture just move along upon reading about the insane amount of emotional expenditure coming up.
Good morning! Glad I went to bed!
Noir- I’m near Chicago and there are no blog SDs from the area. They do tend to visit on occasion and I’ve had the pleasure to meet a few. Let me know how to reach you and we can visit!
Good morning everyone!!
Glad I went to bed too! lol
Dandelion wine~ What you said is basically what I try to make Arissa understand but I was seen as a traitor to my own race and “taking the other side”….Oh well.
One thing I have learned on this site is that negativity will not get you anywhere.
She stated that she came on here looking for answers and then got attacked which is incorrect. When she came on here, she already knew the answer to her question, like she stated later herself, but was looking to see if she could get other people to respond to her statement. Nothing wrong with that…but when you call other SBs who have more luck than you “busted” thats is only showing that you are bitter.
Her statement was followed by an obvious silence and me (a black woman) telling her to not let her race discourage her in her sugar search, that other non-black women might be more successful than her, yes, but she should not let that affect her. I guess that was the “attack” she referred to. Funny that she insisted on how she was a gift from God but could not find a SD because of her race and then proceeded on calling anyone who would disagree with her names.
By the way, thank you SD Guru for cleaning up the mess.
She is not the first black SB to come on here and complain about her lack of success but others before her never felt the need to bash other non-black SBs in order to get their point across. Anybody is welcome come on here and express their frustrations, seek answers, and ask for help in their sugar search (like Sasha is doing) but it has to be done with respect and consideration of other people’s opinions.
Ok, enough of this, time for me to go to work
Hope everyone has a great day!
Coming out of hiding for a day just to see what I have missed. I didn’t closely read all of this, but I had a recent discussion with someone of another race about the lack of success for some black women on the site. Her opinions were very interesting, and after thinking back to things she had to say, I had to tend to agree with her.
Moving on to other things, all I will say is revenge can be sweet.
omg almost 200 posts over night?! Sheesh! ; p
*…walks away to make coffee…*
Glad I missed the “Sugar Drama”…
Thank you SDGuru for cleaning it up!!
I hope everyone had a nice weekend!!
I’m off to the pool in a few… ;p
Last night was pretty wild and crazy, but its a new day. The topic was discussed which I was glad about, but as I mentioned then I’m not a fire starter…just another caramel sb genuinely wanting to be successful in this world. I’m still way confused about way I get no responses and all, but maybe someday. I keep reaching out to sd’s on the blog for a critique of my profile, but I haven’t had any takers yet. Anyway…have a great day everyone and may many sugar dreams come your way today.
Morning all! Interesting evening, huh.
Sasha – looking forward to your email.
Wow, been away from the blog for a couple days and the peace went out the window. While I can understand Arissa’s frustrating, being that I am black as well, a lot of that was totally uncalled for. If there is one thing I have learned from reading all the wonderful blogs is that this process takes patience, and it will test the confidence you have in yourself.
I have so much respect for what you stated. You are very intelligent and you were correct in everything you stated. By the way I live in TN and would love to have a in life sugar friend. lol
Have a great day Sugars!
@SD Guru: Thank you.
I skipped most of the end of that. Did we just talk about this, maybe even contructively, like a week ago?
Also did you guys catch this quote? “You people just hate to hear any blk person say anything.”
Hahaha, oh my I think I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
@SugaBeckha kudos for getting Michaels attention. He’s such a romantic.
Hey Sasha – love to look at your profile and give you some feedback, but we need your profile #. Can you post it here or email it to me and I will take a look and give you some comments. Thanks!
That just made me roll my eyes.
Would you mind giving me a few pointers as well? Thanks
Someone was asking about marriage and when to bring it up. Here is what I did.
The first paragraph in my decription is “My husband and I have an open relationship. He is less than romantic and leaves me longing for attention and affection. However, our relationship works and I’m not looking to replace him. ” and thats all I say about it. Well acutally I do again later by simply saying my family comes first as I’m sure theirs does.
I don’t bring up kids unless they do. Usually if it is very important to them, it is said in ther profile “no kids” and they never have the pleasure of hearing from me. ; )
I was talking about the statement Arissa made that had you laughing….felt I needed to clairfy
I just woke up from a bad dream where the blog was filled with drama and anger and… oh wait, did last night really happen?
Someone like Arissa was not the first and won’t be the last to stir things up in this blog. Some will come in to drop grenades and then disappear. Some will eventually learn how to speak their mind while being respectful of others. And some just don’t get it which require intervention to restore order.
I have been an under the radar moderator for some time, preferring to participate in the blog like everyone else. But last night I had to put my moderator hat on to stop a constant flow of negativism. The fact that she was able to offend three long time bloggers in one night was quite a feat in itself. Let’s get back to what makes this blog great and I’ll put my hat back in the closet.
Thanks for spelling my name right for a change, I hope you and Midwest SB have recovered from Rehab!
Email me through my blog with your profile number and I’ll be happy to take a look. If anyone else would like me to take a look at their profile feel free to do the same. In the mean time, check out these posts from the archive: “Marketing Yourself as a Sugarbaby“, “Sugar Dating is a Game of Odds“, and this one from NYC SB’s blog about profile tips: “Seeking Arrangement – Profile Tips“.
Regarding pics in your profile, I’d suggest that you should have at least one clear face shot and one body shot. Ask yourself, do these pictures show an accurate and positive side of you or not. If you’re not sure, ask your friends to take a look. Have several pictures so that you can rotate them in your profile from time to time.
you said that you’ve come across all different types of women from social economic backgrounds. Did you find that you can relate to these women? Find something in common with them even though they didn’t fit for you as an sb? How long did it take for you to realize there wasn’t a fit ?
As I mentioned in my blog, only a small percentage of pot SB’s I came in contact with actually resulted in meeting in person. And of those only a few get past the first meeting and even fewer ended up in an on-going arrangement. It was a time consuming process, but I can relate to most pot SB’s struggles and aspirations because like most people I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth either.
Wow that was 30 minutes of my time wasted and wishing for a way to have stopped myself before even being sucked into reading such… well enough said.
SD Guru! Caught-cha…
SD Guru beware of that hat, it has a big fat “X” on the front, lol.
Wow, what a day!!! I’m a skinny cheerful smiley tallish (5’7″) blonde-ish freckly girl of mixed race (middle eastern & european) then again, stop the presses–I don’t fit into any groups because of my particularly unique characteristics/circumstance so
perhaps it’s best that I was outta that convo) but I was busy at the bank. I bought my first home today. My exSD co-signed my mortgage & put a five digit amount of cash towards it as well. He’s a prince among men. And not even sleeping with me anymore, for nearly 4 months now. I went on a IRL date today!!! It felt soooo good to just hang out and talk and smile & flirt and have no agenda.
I think my sugar reign (as noisiest and she-with-the-highest-energy-level) is over (it has been since May) & I am now content to participate as a has been. I never did land a whale, but only 4-5 months in the pool is hardly enough time that my ego would believe that I couldn’t have.
Lily – fantastic news, gotta love the feeling of your first new home! Congratulations!!
Re SB – I had a long discussion with my business coach this morning. I have had this coach on and off for several years, for personal, relationship and business issues, and she helped me put it all into perspective. She is the only person I had discussed my sugar relationship with, and she had cautioned me a couple of months ago of the probable outcome. Enormous value in the discussion.
Btw – want to know the best way to quickly lose a few pounds? Have a messy breakup with someone you have a strong attachment to.
Hey OC, we’re like two ships passing in the night! I know the hat has a big fat “X” on it and that’s why I like to keep it in the closet.
Je suis desole’ !
What is wrong with guys falling for your charms in a big way ?
I myself consider you a fatamorgana.
I would have loved to invite you to come and stay in Paris with me.
In my most charming Maurice Chevalier accent I would sing
“you are so beautiful to me “.
This is what champagne does to me.
Then you could sing me: “parler moi d’a mour, dites moi des choses tendres “.
La vie en rose is not meant for me obviously.
A shy kiss,
Malheureusement, you are not open to such romantic feelings.
Hi gang! (Smiling Sheepishly)
I can’t believe I got sucked into that one. After a while, I got so emotional and my fingers were typing but by brain wasn’t engaged. When Beach Girl showed up I sighed a sigh of relief but then she started to get sucked in too. Lily I’m sure you would have been lucid and right on but it wouldn’t have helped because she wasn’t even reading anyone’s posts. Sasha, BiBaby, Yaz, Dandialion, ShugaBecka, Midwest were all very astute and lucid but no one could get through. I reread what everyone said and I don’t think anyone said anything that warranted such an outburst. And everything you all said tended toward mollifying the situation. I think we all got played. Live and learn! We got through it. but I just hope there wasn’t too much collateral damage. I wouldn’t mind if the whole interaction just disappeared. This is a community of people that I truly care about. I value my place here and don’t want to mess it up by being careless with my words.
@Michael and SDGuru:
I sent you my profile number via email, all feedback is very much welcome and thank you in advance for the advice. Michael keep your head up. So sorry that you are hurting.
for the record, when i don’t comment it’s because either
a) i have nothing to say
b) i don’t care
c) I AM NOT HERE
please don’t assume that when ‘the regulars’ don’t comment it’s because we’re ignoring you. if you give us a whole hour to react the odds are that none of us have read it yet unless we’re actively lurking.
but please do allow me to reiterate: DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON MY SILENCE, i OBJECT vociferously to being spoken for.
Troll alert! please ignore her.
Allycat ~ That is terriffic. Great to have a life/business coach who you can mull things over with and give a perspective from a step or two back. I hope it helps you make the best possible approach and find the best possible outcome.
Arissa enough please. If you want to take a deep breath and begin anew, I am here to listen and talk. ~OC
Divia – incoming ….
Arissa~ I think that you are just loving all the attention you are getting. If you think that being vulgar is the way to get your voice heard on here, fine.
I have nothing to say to you in regards of your comments to me.
Have a great day
Hi all — after a week of vacation and catching up on the blog, I am reminded of the sign I had posted on my office door in grad school…..
“Everyone who comes here brings happiness – either on the way in or on the way out — you influence the direction.”
Arissa SD Guru is not the only one who knows how to moderate. I will ask you again, take a deep breath and I for one would love to blog with you. But not like this.
Very lovely saying NC Gent. Nice to see you.
You guys are really taking this soooo seriously and I am literally over here laughing. I am fine. I am not shaking, not nervous, not displaying any crazy behavior as noted by some of the other bloggers. Are my post really that serious? Does it offend people sooo much for meto say that I think some of the sds on here are biased? Really? Have you all never sat through a Sociology class? B/c debates like this are common in classes like that. Of course no insults are thrown in an institution of higher learning, but this is a blog, andI was insulted first.
Like I said, had I been a blk girl who came on here feeling ugly and with no confidence, I think that would have been taken better. Don’t be mad b/c I don’t feel that way and will call a spade what it is. I’m saying that sd success is less likely here b/c I’m blk. PERIOD. I’m not gonna say I’m ugly or anything. B/c I’m not. I’m hot as hell and very smart. People just don’t wanna hear it but like I said, free country, free speech so than you very much.
Arissa, there you go more deep breaths… no one wants it to get out of hand or to the point of insults.
Arissa ok, can we get past this? I understand your point and being upset is pointless for everyone.
Arissa I came on to the blog my very first day feeling like I had no clue how to find the right SD. My experiences and time spent on the blog were very helpful. I too vented a time or two. But with all the bad must come some good. Share some of your good experiences from your past SD connections.
OC, I have temporarily suspended commenting until she finds something else better to do. All of her posts from this morning have been removed. Please check your email.
Ok, then BIG cleansing breath for all – maybe a few
I think a stupid joke is in order… I really suck at them but love to hear them!
40-ish – 49
Adventurous – Slept with everyone
Athletic – No boobies
Average looking – Ugly
Beautiful – Pathological liar
Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure – On medication
Feminist – Fat
Free spirit – Junkie
Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person
Fun – Annoying
New Age – Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded – Desperate
Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate – Sloppy drunk
Professional – Bitch
Average – Fat
Voluptuous – Very Fat
Large frame – Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate – Stalker
40-ish – 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic – Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking – Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back
Educated – Will patronize the hell out of you
Free Spirit – Will take your sister
Friendship first – As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun – Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking – Arrogant
Very good looking – Dumb as a board
Honest – Pathological Liar
Huggable – Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle – Insecure mama’s boy
Mature – Older than your father
Open-minded – Wants to sleep with your roommate but she’s not interested
Physically fit – Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Sensitive – Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive – Total Momma’s boy
Spiritual – Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable – Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
I think Arissa is great. All that boundless energy!
If I wasn’t busy writing my masterpiece, I’d script a reality show just for her.
Talent such as hers is wasted on this lowly blog – the girl needs to get to hwood PRONTO
yikes! people get worked up here! I have a question for everyone and anyone… I have had a few successful SD’s, I have also had a few pay to play type offers, which I have choosen to walk away from…My question is this…When you feel like the connection is strong and ready to become intimate how do you bring up the allowance? I have been talking and met a couple great pot SD’s until the allowance part. They both said that would come over time…well Im not 18 and Im sure it would never come so no thanks. The two SD’s I have had were both upfront and sent $ upfront no issues, sight unseen, they were that comfident and it made me feel much more comfortable with them that they were sincere and not just looking for a escort or worse a free night of sex! This time on here Im finding great guys but boy the concept of allowance is not on there agenda…Why are they here instead of match.com? Please dont get me wrong, Im not just here for the $, I want the whole package, the real affection, the attraction, the desire for one another and to taken care of..any thoughts or advise…I would great appreciate?
Hi Dandelion Wine
You got any thing better than my lame joke below???
I really don’t feel like posting now. But OC and SD Guru I do think that a heartfelt thanks is in order to you two for putting up with all the misdirected energy and making sure this blog is a nice place for everyone.
Hi Traveling SB, men that say the allowance will come in time are time wasters. That also
holds true for women who tell them that intimacy will happen …someday…
A real SD gentleman will make you comfortable in all aspects of sugar dating. They will
have a comfort level about talking with you about the allowance. Even if they are new to
the sugar world, they have a clue about what it is and what it is NOT. True that it may have
some grey areas where someone new to this may need you to explain a few things.
Written by an SB who claimed she wasn’t a poet
I can almost feel your breath on
my skin, your smell, your soft
touch, a sweet whisper, your hair…so many
things. I almost feel that you are
with me and I think you are
in every beat of my heart. I almost get teary
when our chats have to end
since I yearn to just get one
more word, a sentence. . . anything from you. I don’t write
poetry but I hope you can feel
my spirit surround you and envelope you in
what I am feeling…I miss you
but I haven’t met
you. It is what surprises me the most yet feels
right. That I miss you.
Oh now add a French accent and change it to an SD and I am melted BUTTER!!!
OC sugar baby, there’s some truth to every joke…
This one is not so sugarry but very interesting
by Leonard Cohen
better than darkness is fake darkness
which swindles you into necking with someone’s antique cousin
better than banks are false banks
where you change all your rough money into legal tender
better than coffee is blue coffee
which you drink in your last bath or sometimes waiting for your shoes to be dismantled
better that poetry is my poetry
which refers to everything that is beautiful and dignified, but is neither of these itself
better than wild is secretly wild
as when I am in the darkness of a parking space with a new snake
better than art is repulsive art
which demonstrates better than scripture the tiny measure of your improvement
better than darkness is darkless
which is inkier, vaster more profound and eerily refrigerated filled with caves and blinding tunnels in which appear beckoning dead relatives and other religious paraphernalia
better than love is wuv
which is more refined superbly erotic tiny serene people with huge genitalia but lighter than thought comfortably installed on an eyelash of mist and living grimly ever after cooking, gardening and raising kids
better than my mother is your mother
who is still alive while mine is not alive but what am I saying! forgive me mother
better than me are you
kinder than me are you
sweeter smarter faster you you you
prettier than me stronger than me lonelier than me
I want to get to know you better and better
@Alleycat/Stormcat The cats are loose to stalk the night….:)
@SD GURU Thanks for the advice will have some more questions for u later when I get home from work.
Wow is all I can say about this blog. DIDn’t see that one coming when i logged off last night.
Catch you later sugars.
Dandelion, EXACTLY. I was always leary of the ones who touted their HONESTY over and over again.. Ya right, me thinks me smells a rat.
Sorry for the quick edit Reddamsel38, but in all fairness we need to not talk about Arissa for the time being. I do however understand your comment.
good day all
Noledgeseeker…. Thanks I didn’t know that I had caught Micheal’s attention yeahhhhhhh…..
OC, i think it’s fine to mention that in a profile, but then assert it with actions, and not whining like ” but i am so honest/kind/thoughtful/loving! Why aren’t you taking a leap of faith?!?” (because that list should be headlined with delusional)
Later Sugars! I am off to enjoy my lazy vacation day.
The marine layer just burned off and I am beach bound, got a new
surfboard to try out!
Sugar Hugs ~OC
Dandelion… delusional! Too funny but sadly true.
You crack me up!
Wow, what a strange trip! I’m glad I’ve got OC to work with!
Here’s something I wrote a month ago about blog etiquette and I’m posting it again:
Blog drama and personal attacks are not new, what just happened is not the first and it won’t be the last. Cast of characters can come and go in this blog and there will always be fireworks. It usually starts off with people having differing opinions, then somewhere along the way some people interpreted things one way vs another, then it gets into a heated argument with people taking sides, then it doesn’t take much to spiral into name calling and personal attack, then people’s feeling get hurt, then….. well you get the idea.
I think we can all agree this is a very active and sometimes entertaining blog. In a group of this size there is certainly a wide range of opinions which is very healthy. We can’t control how people choose to expresses themselves, so the only control we have is how we choose to react and respond to them.
I have some suggestions that could make our experience in this blog more constructive and enjoyable:
1. Think before you hit the “submit” button. Ask yourself, how will my post be perceived by others? As I have said before, our reputation in this blog is our words, and it’s easy for others to see what we’re made of. If you disagree with something, do so with respect and class.
2. Ignore the flame. In every online forum I have been a part of there are people who take pleasure in spewing off flame bait to get others all worked up. Don’t take the bait! The more you respond the messier it gets.
3. Have a sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. And by the same token, don’t take the other person too seriously either. Sure, personal attack hurts, but in the grand scheme of things is it a big deal? Do we really have anything to prove to anyone here?
We’re here to share our experiences and learn from each other, so let’s get back to doing that!!
Ok one more. I wrote this one.
Why I haven’t told you that I love you.
I have the almost irresistible urge to believe that this, my present feeling of desire, is solidly founded in you. That it is more than my imagination superimposed on a few photographs, some well thought out text, and several hours of electronic chat. After all it is the undeniable feeling; pervasive, transcendent, inspiring my imagination, imbuing hope of vested joy, pending only travel. Shall then we drop our resistance to free the words that describe these feelings? Shall we let go of interfering pride, that fear of foolishness, that fear of stating something prematurely, as if such stating will loose some counteracting force effecting an un-breach-able barrier to consuming love? We cannot seem to say it directly. We clothe the words in adjective armor, modifier baggage, innuendo. We direct them to each other incognito: trusting that the other can strip them to the core, revealing their naked truth. Is it now that the truth is so obviously understood that formal statement constitutes anticlimactic redundancy? -or- Is it that we wish simply to reserve the pleasure of whispering, for the first time, the declaration, finally at last, in soft urgent magic release directly to the ear of the other?
What in the world? I leave for a few hours and things get hot again. Ok it was cool to discuss for a moment, but now sh*t I want to move on.
@sd guru I just want this place to be peaceful too. If we can’t have peaceful discussions then forget it. I will send my profile number to you here very soon.
@stormcat very good posts.
Wow stormcat…that poem is hot…
@sd guru This is going to sound very idiotic, but I’m not very internet savy as of yet. I went to your blog and was hoping that it would be easy to shoot you an email. I was looking for an email here or submit button, but didn’t find one. Please don’t laugh, but how do I send you an email through there?
I LOVED your personal ad joke!!! Ouch!!
I say that, because I describe myself as a beautiful, well-adjusted woman who’s athletic and always smiling (a few here have seen my pics, and might agree…). Ergo by translation I am a pathological liar, on meds and without boobs.
I DO have boobs however….LOL! Nah, I’m not on meds, but that post was soooooo funny, esp the male portion. Watching NASCAR is NOT a sport anymore than watching Dancing With the Stars is!
I know, some might disagree, but we’re coming off the federal decision this week that cheerleading is NOT a sport and being a former and mother of one, I must say All-Star cheering is definitely an athletic sport. Cracks me up when I see 250lb men saying it isn’t when I know THEY couldn’t backspot a pyramid or do a cartwheel, much less a back tuck, to save their immortal souls…
Ok, that was fun…anyone else have a great joke?
I must say, it’s always interesting to to observe how full moon affects the mentally infirm…
“I must say, it’s always interesting to to observe how full moon affects the mentally infirm”
…..BUSTS out laughing!
that was almost as good as the personal ad joke! They should make a new medication—Loonesta…
And ugh, the last post was before I refreshed, so it refers to earlier subject matter
SD Guru – your secret is out and it explains so much! Your ability to pinpoint posts and provide links to posts on the blog made me curious! Nice to have a friend behind the scenes!
It was a full moon wasn’t it….lol. I’m glad I’m not in retail anymore.
Bi babe, haha, I’d crack more jokes, but my self-preservation instinct isn’t letting me. Last thing i want to do is aid in contributing to the statistics associated with full moon! Lol
You know what I’d like to find in someone? Completely off topic but maybe a rare quality like romance… passion. In the bedroom, sure, even there it is missing… but also in life. I’d love to meet an SD who is passionate.
I haven’t been here in a while but I just spent some time catching up!
As for he questions…
*Have you taken any new profile pictures this summer?* I have indeed! I’ve recently given myself a little summer makeover and re did my whole profile to match!
*How will you be spending your weekend? Any sugar?* Hmmm, hopefully, who knows!
@noledgeseeker I’m looking for the same thing too. I’m a very passionate/emotional person if you couldn’t tell from my posts. So I guess I’m really making it hard on myself to find what I’m looking for from the sugar world. A girl can dream I guess…lol.
@Yaz How’s it going to day? Hope everything is well.
Noledgeseeker, Sasha ~ Yes, I know what you mean. The world seems so mechanical with everyone doing their thing to fit in and then going through the motions of living. Sometimes even the sugar world is like that with all the doing of the numbers to get the best deal and find the best arrangement. I started out that way but didn’t really have any lasting success. Sure I got contacts and first meets and second meets, but everything was like shooting fish in a barrel. I changed my strategy and tried to be personal, one at a time, I couldn’t screen hundreds of potentials at a time that way but that was when I really started connecting with people in a real way and that was when real sugar connections started happening for me. A lot of arrangements? No! But meaningful arrangements when I was looking, and a lot of real friendships, some of which I’m pretty sure are the life long kind.
Sweet European ~ welcome back! Nice avatar! I’ll make sure to look up your profile when it gets approved and is online.
I think I need to update my profile too as it’s been awhile and a lot has changed. I just can’t see being motivated to change it if I’m not going to be in the frey.
Hey guys/gals, I have a technical question here from NYC’s tips:
Profile Numbers – I probably shouldn’t even be saying this but the longer you have been on the site as a non paying member the lower you appear in the search results. I would recommend upgrading every once in a while. If you cannot afford the monthly fee then delete your account and re-create a new profile. DO NOT have multiple profiles in place however… you may get kicked off the site.
Ok, if you are a SB, how do you ‘upgrade’ if the membership is free? Does this mean that I will eventually be at the bottom after the initial newness wears off?? Or can I refresh every so often by changing up my photos and updating profile??
B Baby ~ The advanced search feature available to full paying members allows the option of returning search results by other criteria, such as most recently logged in, rather than most recently signed up. That is the option I always choose when I search because then I get members who are actually active. Rather than just a lot of people who are signing up because they are cureous. But that means that you would need to log on regularly to make sure you are in the first results. Also it saves a lot of time because you don’t message people who haven’t even been on for a long time (An indicator that they are no longer participating or are already in an arrangement but haven’t hidden their profiles) I don’t know if that works the same from the SB direction or not.
B Baby ~ btw I always wondered, were you born July 4th 1976?
bicentennial baby: totally off topic but have you seen penn and teller’s bullsh*t with regard to cheerleading not being a sport? it’s profoundly disturbing and i think well researched.
Arissa you created some fireworks last night. Someone stated “sugar should be fun”, I concur. My schedule is relentless so to add an argumentative and confrontation person to the mix would never be tolerated. It is one thing to articulate your options, beliefs and even frustrations, but another thing to attempt to impose your aggravation upon another.
Sincerely a black SD!
@Midwest SB I’d love the idea. You can reach me at mslilbit24 at yahoo.
sorry … “articulate your opinion”
blackjack: well said sir
Cleo, thank you. Sorry for the typographical errors. I installed a build-in computer in my car that has voice activated dictation. I named the computer Max. Well Max and I are still working out our relationship; it appears we have a communication issue. I am told with practice the communication thing will get better.
Unfortunately got a whole dish of salt this last weekend.
One of my pots was generous enough to arrange an interview for me, he’s the founder of a well known realty utility. He knew up front I was interested in strict NSA or employment, everything seemed professional for the first few days the interview was in place until I got the sneaky suspicion he was trying to slither into something more emotionally involved. The first sign for me, and I should have stopped there, was I allowed him to control the amount of time, time of day, and the environment in which we spoke. I have a small son, I cannot be on the phone for an hour a day in the middle of dinner time… Or else. “Or else”, he never said that outright, bit I had a sneaking suspicion if I played my cards wrong, it’d get ugly. Fortunately for me I had a computer failure and a phone failure in the same week and could not communicate until the interview. Paid a babysitter, sat down to check my email and print resume at the cafe, email from him that morning with negative undertones about my failure to communicate. So there I sat on it for a moment thinking about all the explaining I’d have to do in my situation and decided it wasn’t worth feeling like I owed him, especially since the appointment time hadn’t elapsed yet. I ended going to the park by myself and reflected, got centered, returned home.
Oh, and it did get ugly. I received a belligerent emails last night and this morning, suggesting I didn’t feel bad for what I did to him and that he gave me ample time to redeem myself. I wonder if this guy treats all of his associates to his bipolar fest?
No sugar for a while. Another pot is out of town but I don’t know if I’ll see him again, even though his approach is very similar to mine.
Good call, not exactly July 4th….but another 4th! You are astute however. I will say that my natal ascendant (if you study astrology) is conjunct the Sun placement of the United States–the chart of the nation which is calculated actually at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. For those who don’t know, the United States’ Sun is at 13 degrees Cancer. So I have a lot of Cancerian traits as my ascendant is 13 degrees Cancer as well, although my sun sign is elsewhere astrologically. Sun signs rule the outward physical appearance, moon signs the emotions and the ascendant the inner personality.
I read this about Cancerian women: “”The undeveloped Cancer woman will go to great lengths to obtain the garments and jewels, which her really fine taste covets beyond anything else”" . Yup, sums me up to a tee, guess I’m Undeveloped. I’ve been called worse!
I study and enjoy astrology and synastry between people as well as events & locations is VERY fascinating. And yes, you can cast a horoscope for a country as well as a person or an event date, and get a natal sidereal chart. My ID is not only a play on when I was born, but also on the astrology behind it too! I am very patriotic and love this country, so it’s a fit.
I DID see that Penn & Teller special!! I LOVE their series, but actually my ex taped this on DVD and passed it on to me to watch because of the subject matter. I greatly enjoyed watching it, even if I am saddened by the outcome of the case. DH enjoyed watching the DVD too, but I think for different reasons…. *laughs*….something about the Penn & Teller girls…
Nicely Put BlackJack and I did reiterate ( excise the typo) that yes I know of plenty of BlackSD and they are in exsistence. So if you can excuse the typo I would love to talk more with you have a great night
442471 profile number please look and advise pleaseeeeeeeeee
442471 profile number please look and advise thanks
Wow lots of catching up on the blog today…
I have to admit that it is very interesting to see all of the different personalities on here. This is my first experience with new friends in an online setting and much like real life, people have different opinions, handle confrontation in various ways, defend eachother, clash with others etc.
What I like most about this blog, and in general, is when people are mature enough to express their opinion and then agree to disagree.
I do think the dialogue we have is great and people are really here to help through sugar experiences. Thank you to all who have been open, honest and helpful on the blog. While I don’t post that often I do try to catch up as much as I can and do not thank wise friends such as Midwest, NYC SB, Stormcat, CLeo, and Lily to name a few as much as I could.
Welcome to the newbies and the lurkers, please ask away because no question is strange or off limits. I am sure we have all wondered the same things at some point, or could learn from your experiences.
Sending everyone some Canadian Sugar (Maybe Maple Syrup haha)
To answer the question: I have not taken any new profile pics and to be honest I think I should spice up my pics and profile. It has been a while since I updated my page and I think it could use a makeover.
This weekend: Lets just say I am looking forward to it
Michael – I am truly sorry that you are going through a difficult time with your SB. I really do not know the type of arrangement the two of you had so I don’t feel like I can really offer any advice.
What I do know is that a lot of bloggers, myself included, wish you nothing but bliss in your sugar experience. I am grateful that you are sharing your experience with us because it goes to show that there bumps and curves in sugar relationships just like any other.
It is my grandmothers 89th bday today so I find it fitting to share her words of wisdom regarding relationships.
“There will be rainy days, windy days, and sunny days…not every day will be full of sunshine but as long as you communicate and talk things out you will see more sunny days.”
I am sure you will do what is best for you, but in the meantime I vote you and the other SD’s get together for the weekend away!! I bet there will be a lot of spicy experiences to share and laughter to be had…who knows maybe you and Stormcat could compose some very moving lyrics.
Sending lots of wellw ishes your way, and hoping Canadians still continue to make an impression on you.
Good Evening my Seasoned SD’s & SB’s I appreciate the wisdom, and chat this blog has provided, it has made me consider moving to the east coast for a little visit….. I started out a frustrated young lady that wanted a quick fix(lol ) and after still no response to my emails, no hello thank you I am not interested emails…….. nothing ….. Am I still a lil frustrated … No and it is kind of funny sexy and empowering all in one. Sorry for the grammatical errors, I am feeling moved right now, Gonna dance around soon I am feeling just fine about it, someone wise here told me ” You have to have patence, smile and laugh a lot was right and that is what I have chose to do. Guess what….. It worked, so to all the newbies like me, young and old, like the beautiful SB told me ( forgot her handle, but she knows who she is its here somewhere:) be patient and smile and laugh a lot and you will feel free and sexy. I only mention this because I have met a few great people on here I would love to see in person, go figure I am a people person busy lil butterfly, and I noticed that there was a little stress and negativity here for a short spell, so to lighten it up, ~~~~~~~~~~~~SMILE BE PATIENT AND LAUGH ALOT IT FEELS GREAT ~~~~~~~~~~ kssess sugars and sugarees
~~~~~~~~~~~ AND YES BLACKJACK I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU SWEETIE~~~~~~~~ I am a foward lil lady but stillllll a lady WinkWink~~~
travelingsb – my email is on the blog… but here it goes thegoaldigger at gmail
ignoring the drama
good to hear from you OC – u never updated your blog!
SD Guru – the secret moderator tell stephan i said hello
@sugabeckha Thanks I needed that.
I guess I have a somewhat engagement planned tomorrow with a pot sd that I used to talk to when I first joined this site. I’m not excited about it at all. I don’t want to be a brat, but he does not have the income level that would support some of my sugar dreams. I kind of feel like I’m almost wasting my time. I know I have complained about not having a sd at all, but I’m tired of having ones that only want to take me to dinner or throw me a few hundred bucks. Ok so that pays a bill….oooohhh. I know it sounds bad, but I being honest right now. So let me just smile and laugh to myself and keep my spirits up.
@michael….what happened to you?
nyc sb: hey bella
Noir – You have mail! Thanks for sharing!
Hello sugars. It’s nice to see peace and harmony restored…luv ya!
NYC SB – Have you fully recovered?
SugaBeckha – I’ve always enjoyed the flirty nature of your profile. Might I suggest you choose some image to post. it increases your visits tenfold. It can be a classy picture like Cleo or Anna Molly’s avatar, or a silhouette of sorts. You don’t have to do the cheesy black across the eyes or blurred photo.
AM – Where did you and your naughty sister disappear to? Got a keeper in the dungeon?
I just had the WORST experience ever!!! EVER!
This potential “daddy” flew me out to meet him and to see if the chemistry was as good in person as it was over the phone/tezt ect… Well it was not!! He had money and everything,I know that. But he wore the same pair of shorts the whole time I was down there!
He had his brother there with him and also his 3 year old daughter! No clue that they BOTH were going to be there! It was so uncomfortable! I finally told him “I’m sorry I am not feeling this, this isn’t right for me” he said “its okay I understand if your not feeling it, it would of killed me wondering if I wouldn’t of brought you down, what would of happened” he booked me a flight home … OR SO I THOUGHT!
He drops me off at the airport. He only booked me a flight halfway home!! I called him and he says oh the airline screwed up,stay the night in the city, I will pay for the room and get you a flight in the morning! So I get on the plane! Once I landed he wouldn’t answer calls or texts. About a hour later I get a text saying ” are you mad cause your stranded. Lol” I had to get a friend to drive 5 hrs each way at 11PM at night to pick me up! All because I told him I wasn’t feeling him!
Who would strand a person like this? That was so wrong in so many ways!
Oh Chrissy, what a nightmare! Wrong is a diminutive for that kind of behavior, you can’t print what I would call it!
Next time you travel, before you even leave have non-refundable round trip tickets in hand, Seperate room confirmed booked and paid in advance in your name, and if possible notify a friend, or one of the Sugars from the blog, who lives in the town you are visiting, that you are coming and when. For safety, you also need to have someone to call or text at set times throughout your visit.
Also I have heard these kind of nightmare stories here before from travelling SBs when chenistry with the pot isn’t there or sours during the stay. Some SB’s have a rule not to travel to a first meet. Other’s go but have backup activities planned. At the very least have a complete agenda planned, who what where when!
Above all be safe!
I am grinning ear to ear!
How’s everyone this fine Tuesday??
Oh god Chrissy I want to rip that man’s testicles out and stuff them in his mouth and then text him saying, “Are you mad because you’re choking on your own tiny sack??”
Chrissy – that sucks…so sorry. Stormcat gave great advice, but I’d like to take it one step further. Don’t be afraid to ask a gentleman to come to you for the first meet…or the closest metro city. If you have to wait a month, it is certainly better than what you experienced last night. SDs will fly just to see you…happens more often than you realize and your safety is worth it.
Congratulations Lily! Happy Homecoming!
Thanks!!! 5 more days to go!!!! Woohoooo!
Good morning Sugars!!
@Chrissy: I can’t believe that a person has the nerve to treat someone that way. Well, I can believe it but its still sick. What was he thinking the meet was suppose to be a show and tell for his family. Sick!! I’m glad you did make it home safely, and that karma slaps him in the face hard
@Sugarbeckha: I am loving your attitude. Maybe i’ll join in and start dancing around as well!!
@chrissy-unbelievable how sensitive his ego is, that he wants to do that because you were not interested. Stormcat had great advice, I travel frequently to meet SB’s but I insist that they wire or paypal me the funds for me to book my own flight and hotel. If you book the flight with your own card, it will only cost $50 to change to an earlier flight if need be. I also never go for more than one night on the first meeting. Because of the distance, I also make it very clear that if there is no chemistry in person, we both need to be mature enough to handle that and I will be staying alone in the hotel that is in my name only. We also already discuss the arrangement if there is an attraction so we are sure we are both on the same page. A real SD will have no problem sending the flight and hotel cost upfront, a few dont like the idea, but I simply remind them this a leap of faith for BOTH of us, I am flying to you, you have to take the leap that I will show up as well! Dont let this bad experience stop you!
Good morning sugars
@Midwest SB Hey babe, I don’t have any mail.
Good morning all!
Sasha~ I m doing great thanks
Wow… I so want to be your SD (not literally, maybe SM), right now you so need to be treated how a REAL SD would treat you!!
I can not even fathom what he did to you…
Definately confirming, round-trip non-refundable tickets in your name and separate booked hotel room in your name ALWAYS….
Wow, he is beyond words, and I hope he doesn’t sucker anyone else on here!!!!
Midwest – yup! Fully recovered and happy how about you?
Chrissy- sorry about that… What a bag of douche
Lily – yay for a new better home!
*Yawn* Good morning, Sugars!
Catching up a little on the blog over coffee…
@JSB: Your Grandma is a wise woman! My grandmother is the same age, and very special to me. Her love and wisdom I will cherish for the rest of my life.
@Chrissy: Oh my god. You know what? I feel sorry for this guy’s daughter. Imagine growing up with a man like that! @Stormcat and Travelingsb: Excellent advice. Unfortunately the honor system doesn’t always work. I was recently left holding the bill for a round-trip train ticket, so I think I’ll have pots paypal me ticket fare the next time around.
Possibly seeing the Boytoy tonight, but still looking for an allowance-giving SD. The search continues. Happy hunting to everyone who is!
My weekend should be really fine. I’m picking my SB up at the Station Sat Noon. We’ll have lunch at a little place we’ve enjoyed before. She is a professionally trained taster so we always go for places with good wine lists. After lunch we’ll drive up to Saratoga where I have a B&B room booked. We haven’t been together for a long time so I’m expecting the first set of fireworks right then. After the lunch/fireworks we plan on driving over the mountain so that she can see the progress on my house. I can hardly wait to show her, I’m so proud of what I’ve accomplished. Then there is a small dinner party planned with my friend Bill and another couple in town. Sunday it’s off to the races. We’ve planned a day at the Saratoga track. I plan on wearing a Seersucker jacket with white slacks topped off by a straw hat with a white headband. She plans on wearing a light cotton summer dress and I plan on buying her a one of those big floppy sun hats to match. I’m sure we’ll look dashing! It’s going to be a blast. I’ve saved up a small stake we can bet for fun and since she grew up around horses we’ll probably loose it all. hee-hee. After the races it’s dinner in town at a really nice Italian place.
I can hardly wait. No sugar for more than 2 months and I am so needing this!!!!
Jury duty for the next day or two… I just might be able to update my blog finally
Wow, what a jerk! I think his text says it all….no class, can’t spell, mind of a teenager. Sad really but karma’s a bitch, so don’t worry, what comes around will go around. Likely someday you’ll read about his business failing or he’ll get laid off like the other 99.9% of us here in America have to deal with every few years. Ewww.
I’ve done a lot of thinking on the matter and this is why I think I will be driving my own vehicle for any meets at the metro area I’ve chosen…this way I’m in control of my entry/exit and if things sour, I’m outta there. It’s about a 2 to 2 1/2 hr drive depending on traffic but that’s a lot less stress than wondering if I’m going to be getting a way home or not. If I am lucky enough to land someone who travels, I do think I’m going to ask for first meeting they meet me at the area that’s 2 1/2 hours away, I’ll drive they can fly/train. That way, same rules apply until there’s a connection to trust a plane ticket.
BTW this may be a WEIRD question, but how many of you SD’s or SB’s have ever gone on a 5 or 7 day CRUISE with your sugar? I love cruising and was wondering if anyone has ever done that or is this a typically off limits thing? it IS many days together in one cabin (this is assuming you have history/chemistry to spend that much time). Probably wouldn’t be available to anyone married as too much time from their other half but I’m just idly curious what the experiences with that, if any, have been?
lily: do you still see me on skype? you haven’t answered me in ages…
nyc sb: i’ve a little always wanted to do jury duty just once
chrissy: a real SD will send you your plane fare and a little more and either pre-book/pay your room in YOUR name (which you can verify with the hotel) or send you hotel cash as well…
but i think we only learn to ask for that from ladies with tales like yours. glad it ended well anyway…
i wonder if there’s an legal recourse for you
@ Viking – thnx I feel very blessed to still have her in my life. That’s awesome you feel the same about your grandmother.
Morning everyone! It’s such a nice day out, can’t wait to spend my lunch in the sun!
dear SD blogger i called out – i see you have emailed me… since i’m embarrassed by my hissy fit on the blog i have chosen not to read it out of respect for your original position.
if you leave it in my inbox for a few more days i’ll read it, otherwise consider it unsent and delete if you wish.
JSB want to hook up for drinks and irl hunting? we really should… if you still have my sugar meet email use that, otherwise i’ll post one here…
okay that’s enough posting after myself…
NYCSB ~ Hey Gorgeous. Come on now . . . jd is serious business and you need to pay attention all the time (he he he) . . . besides I don’t think they allow laptops in the courtroom. I hope it’s not the federal court, those cases can drag on forever. Miss you
Chrissy – wow, that was potentially a close call. Lucky he had the maturity of a frat boy, and nothing worse. Security is always paramount – both physical and emotional (but I think you have heard my story….)
Stormy – bit of back-pressure is there? Have a great weekend!! We’ll all be rooting for you, if you’ll excuse the (Australian) phrase. And fireworks? Part of the fun.
Delivered my “game over, you blew it” message to SB last night – I waited a few days to cool down. No response yet, may not get one. No problem. Onwards and upwards!!
Morning all! Off to the gym.
@stormcat Tried to email you my profile # with a little problem. I’m not the best at this stuff so it probably was user error. Can you let me know what I need to do to leave it on your blog. I know…its a stupid question, but I’m really new to this blog stuff.
@chrissy that is terrible. I haven’t had that experienece yet and I hope I never do. When I have flew to meet anyone I usually make sure that I have a flight there and back, but he tricked you which sucks. His loss!
@michael where did you go?
I have 2 small issues that I would like some advice on. I have a dinner engagement with a pot sd that I used to talk to when I first joined the site. I’m now not feeling this because I know that he doesn’t have the money to meet my sugar hopes. We spoke over the phone about a month ago and I expressed that I was looking for some financial compensation and he said we would discuss it when we meet up again. I’m just getting cold feet now. If he comes out with $500 or so…I’m going to scream. I know it sounds like I’m being a brat since I have complained about not having a sd right now, but I don’t want to stepped down only up. What should I do?
Also This pot sd I went to meet that I really really like and definitely has the income that could support my sugar hopes hasn’t called me in a week. I know that he has been going through some medical issues and I left him a message yesterday expressing concern for his well-being, but no response. Should I call again or just assume that he has blown me off too?
The rejection is starting to get to me all over again. I haven’t had a good last few days. I call people and they dont call back. I send people emails and they don’t get back…even people that I thought were just friends in my life. I keep experiencing rejection in the sugar world and IRL and now I am feeling like its me. When I’m not really feeling a guy he is all over me…geez wtf????? Just feeling down today. Not a good start to the week.
I know she wasn’t just your SB, and that you were crazy about her, and I’m sorry she blew it with you. But I also know that you can definitely do better, and will, so I don’t feel so sorry for you. you’re a babe magnet!!
I no longer feel anything but SWEET!!!!!
Cleo- no computer Internet in weeks, only iPhone!
@stormcat that message for sd guru.
I have been having a weird time posting here…not sure what is going on so I apologize to the bloggers that I just sent emails to requesting help.
My last post I sent about 20mins ago and it just appeared???
@Sasha: I’m sorry you’re having a bit of a rough time. Just keep your head up and press forward. I’ve experienced the same, where things are going great and then the guy just disappears. I know rejection hurts, but we’re all here to support you. I had a pot that I talked to everyday for a couple weeks, then a couple days before I was suppose to meet him poof. It was a blow to my ego, but I just look at it being he was obviously not the SD for me. My SD is still out there and I have to keep looking. As far as the guy who cant meet your sugar hopes, IMO don’t settle. If you settle you aren’t going to be happy with your SD. On the other hand you can take him while continuing to look for another SD. That just depends on the arrangement the two of you agree upon.
If you need a sugar friend who’s new and navigating like you I’m here girl! Hope your day gets better.
Stormcat ~ Hope you guys have fun at the race track!!!! Saratoga is awesome!
If i wasnt going to the city this weekend I would have been there looking for the guy in the Seersucker jacket with white slacks topped off by a straw hat with a white headband and his gorgeous SB
Sasha~ Keep your head up! Things will get better… you can email me if you need someone to talk to.
Chrissy~ That really sucks..That guy really is an ass!
What kind of romance or passion would you want (such as examples)?
Hang in there babe, you still have love from the sugar bloggers, go to the gym or get your nails done, make yourself feel good and get into a good book, by the time its over, your luck may have changed, or some people may have gotten back to you, and in the mean time you’ll have a great distraction. Don’t call that guy again, he’ll get back to you or he won’t but don’t seem desperate (even if you feeling that way!)
Sometime when I’m feeling lonely I will check the list of the recently logged in SDs. Use a checklist for yourself, *makes at least this amount, *under this age, *married/not married, then read their profile for any other issues/things you might have in common.
Then send like 30 of them messages… not form letters. ie:
I’m Sasha from Wherever. I enjoyed reading your profile and Whatever part especially caught my attention. I also Blah. (I find this interesting, or I think we could enjoy Blah together. You get the drift, write a sentence or 3 or 10 if you get inspired by someone personalizing the message) When you get a moment, take a look at my profile and if you’d like to get to know me/ you think we could have something/ you think we could hit it off let me know.
Now this is really close to mine so if you like this idea try and make yours original so we don’t sound like the same person. Within a few days you could get 3 or so responses and go from there. In the mean time, you can occupy yourself by checking to see who has read your messages you’ve sent and reading that book : p
Good luck and feel better.
@Stormcat I wish I had someone who felt about me the way you feel about your SB. *le sigh*
As for passion. It doesn’t much matter. He could be passionate about the study of worms for all I care. But there is a certain fire in their eyes and in their voice that a person gets when they are talking about their passion that is just infatuating. Makes me just want to kiss them all over. That and intelligents is a huge turn on for me. Romance makes me giggle at the seriousness of it. Its hard for me not to laugh when someone is really reving up a moment being romantic. But passion, mmm, passion about me, about exploring my body because he’s so into me not just really needs to get laid that is amazing and wonderful and the talk of an American girl who grew up watching too many Disney movies.
Sasha – incoming!
Hey Yaz! Hugs sweetheart!
Sasha — hang in there – both SDs and SBs go through rough spots and rejection is unfortunately a major part of the sugar world.
Chrissy, sucks about the inconvenience, but you only wasted money and time. There will always be more of each.
It could have been much worse – some hopeful SBs were pressured into doing what they don’t want to do, and those experiences leave lasting scars. You can be proud you stood your ground and just pity the sad pathetic douchebag that got so butt-hurt that he tried to exercise the little bit of power he had. Haha, loser
My link doesn’t work for messaging cause I haven’t bothered to upgrade lately. But you can always yahoo stormcatgl.
Enough lurking for me! I cannot express how much I looooove the blog! Everyone has so much to offer and, trust me, I’m taking notes!
While it may be off topic, I was wondering if I could benefit from your experience/knowledge (as I’m relatively new to the Sugar World).
Last night I received an email from a pot SD and it contained his email address. When I searched his email address, some questionable information surfaced (to the effect of him being upset with a lady because she wouldn’t allow him to tape their rendezvous). Should I just dismiss the information or him as a pot SD?
He is offering a generous allowance, so I don’t want to jump to conclusions too soon. He said because of the nature of his career he doesn’t have time to do much back and forth emailing (so, I don’t want to ruffle his feathers with inquiries about what could possibly be nonsense).
Forgive the disorganization of the email, but hopefully this makes some sense.
THANK YOU SOOOO VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks everyone for the encouragement! I feel like I have my own cheering section!!! I was really feeling discouraged for a while untill 2 days ago when I was talking on the phone about how it was going to be a long winter this year and she started talking about how cozy and wonderful it was going to be drinking wine in front of the fire. Gave me more hope about life being good than I’ve felt in a long time. I just hope that I’m not going down the same trust path that my fellow SD friend Alleycat recently experienced. It is a fear that all of us aging bandaloozians experience because it can sap our youthful spirit and take away our imortality! (Ponder that one lovely nymphs! lol)
I don’t know what sick twisted force drives you, but it stops right here now.
As you know well, the messages you refer to shortly ago were deleted by me (unread by you) almost 24hrs ago. What purpore you have to refer to them with further dishonesty let’s not find out.
The blog should have banned you after your behavior the other day. I blocked you WITHOUT reply to your angry message for good reason – in retrospect for excellent reason. The only way you could know that you were blocked is if you attempted to send a follow on message which most assuredly I would not have wished to see. You then decided to come to the blog with your anger and proceed to act in an indiscreet manner.
Four days later you are still at it.
By the way….where is Anna Molly????
Cleo and storm – I have not been picked to serve for a case yet… Looks like they didn’t need anyone yet
Cleo’s blog reader – wtf is that about? What am I missing?
NYCSB ~ Scroll all the way up ( before the drama erupted)
NC Gent~ Good to see you around
NewSugarInTheBowl – red flag! Unless you are comfortable with that, I would absolutely keep looking. No discussion negotiation, just move on.
NewSugarInTheBowl ~ What Michael AZ said. However, curiosity always gets the best of me and I would definitely ask him about my findings just to hear his side of the story. But that’s just me…
*sigh* “cleo’s blog reader”? go see me on SA, see my last login?
not since sunday… see that? if you think i can log in and read messages without that changing then you know far more about hacking than i. i know they arrived because SA emailed me to tell me they were there, it did not then tell me they disappeared.
i was going to ask to whom you were referring that’s all, only reason i found out i was blocked.
apologies blog for trying to be gracious after the fact about something i should have let go in the first place.
apologies to you for ever answering your initial contact.
lily: ahh i get it now! it seemed so odd not to hear from you
nyc sb: do you just sit at the courthouse and wait?
yaz: ahh your curious nature gets you in trouble too hmm?
I agree with Michael. It’s hard to resist when you are just beginning but that is what they are counting on. Don’t be fooled. There will be others.
Cleo ~ All the time!
NYCSB ~ maybe you’ll get lucky and they won’t pick you as a potential jurror. They always have to have a pool of people to select from. You only have to show up for the pool and if you don’t get selected then you are off the hook for a couple of years. But if you get selected you will go to the voire dier and maybe even have to be on the jury for a trial that can last for from days to years. You don’t get much compensation so if sitting on a jury for a long trial is a burden you can say so and you will be excused from it. But that has to be legit or they won’t let you off. If you get selected let us know in case you end up sequestered and we don’t hear from you for a couple of months.
Thanks everyone! Its really been a rough day for me in so many respects. I really want to cancel this pot sd meeting, but feel bad to do that to him. I shouldn’t make judgements on what amount he would be willing to offer as an arrangement, but my head today isnt in the right place.
@sd guru, OC, michael thanks again for the help on the glitch…
@michael…emailing a message to you shortly.
Cleo we def have to go out in the City! ESP now you are looking and feeling fabulous.
I will email ya
@sasha don’t worry you’ll figure it out. Just keep going, just keep going *wink*.
@Blackjack I didn’t know if they existed or were instinct but you are proof that there are black sds! Thanks for that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue to forge ahead and look for my sd.
JSB: i basically can’t bear the online search anymore so having a sugar sister to hunt with would be FABULOUS!
i look forward to it!
NYC SB, when they ask you interview questions, express dislike for cops. Prosecution will most likely want to drop you lol.
Dandelion ~ shame on you . . . such an attitude of disrespect for the judicial process. I think NYCSB should say that the whole sugar world would collapse if she dissappears for more than 30 seconds. That ought to do it!
Yaz ~ I’d love it if you showed up at the track! In fact, I think everyone on the blog ought to show up! With or without your sugars. We’ll take over the club house and after the races we’ll all go down to Trotters for drinks, dinner, and dancing. It would be such a blast!!!
Hellz yeah Stormy! … where are you again?
hey has anyone heard from NYJames or NYGent lately? i’d love an update on how they’re doing…
Apologisizing in advance to the blog but I have to say this
To: Cleo’s SD Blogger ~ You’ll get no respect or sympathy here hiding in anonyminity. Cleo is a known and respected entity and I will certainly believe her over someone who just pops in with unsubstantiated inuendo. Many of us have known Cleo personally or through her nemerous posts for many months and have never found her to be anything but straight up excellent. It would be best to drop the whole thing and back away. I am sure that it is on the record. It will do you no good to bring conflict to this forum as it will be unwelcome and I am sure, from observing past conflicts, that you will be moderated and if you continue you will eventially be blocked from participating altogether. That is all I have to say.
**warm fuzzy** Stormcat
Nico : I know, rule of the blog: stay away from the conflicts, But when someone you care about is struggleing it’s really hard to resist the instinct of wanting to help. Anyway if it will get another warm fuzzy from you, I’ll do it again!
*Cleo supporter here*
LOL @ Stormcat….You’re a White Knight for sure!
Cleo – yes I sat in a room all day, none got interviewed all the cases got settled
Dandelion Wine – my lawyer friend suggested the same
Stormy – hahaha you are too sweet
Cleo – I heard from NYGent about 2 months ago. I hear he is recovering from the stage production he sponsored, but otherwise doing well. Still staying away from the sugar bowl, but always wondering what might be out there.
****Also a Cleo fan****
Stormcat – so glad you have a fab weekend planned with SB! You’re glowing!
Michael – Closure is good and you have many fans awaiting you here! If you’re in the area, I’ll show you around!
Noir – trying again!
Just got back from my pot sd meeting. Things went well. He really likes me and wants a sd/sb relationship, but he wants to monopolize alot of my time for what I expected, very little money. I am in no position to be picky, but I think that I might just decline. He’s really sweet though…just have the funds that I want. He wants me to be off the site for less than $1000 a month and we have to spend time more than 3 times a week. Way too much time! Maybe for 3 or 4k I could make time. Anyway I do love that he takes me to really high end dining establishments. Today did end better than it started.
“more than 3 times a week….”
Is that NORMAL? That’s like Marriage in my mind!!! ;p
I was of the opinion every 2 weeks is more likely and perhaps once a week if you’re that close and allowance is good. I don’t even see my own family quite that often between work and school….is 2-3x week a normal arrangement???
I would find it hard to remain mysterious and “fresh” to the other party if they’re seeing me every other day…just my opinion. Is that normal though?
ridiculous imo plus he wants you off the site, good grief, is he a new sd? He may not know thats really a ridiculous offer.
Sasha – absolutely no deal. Tell him $3-4k for 3-4 times per month, minimum. No negotiation. $1k / month for 3 times / week? I don’t think so…. next!!!
Ok team – got a question. My SB was playing me and lying to me for 6-8 weeks, as she was seeing somebody else (from this website) even though she totally denied it. I know who the other guy is and I am sure she is playing him and lying to him as well.
My question is; do I warn him (anonymously) about what he is walking into? Or do I just continue to walk away? I can hear the answers already (just drop it) but man I am finding this hard. Thoughts please.
Ok ok ok I just keep walking away, got it. Stupid question I know, sorry guys.
Last post on this subject. I’m done.
Michael – Of course you want to warn him… but the right thing is to remove yourself from the situation… it totally sucks what happens and it will hurt for a while but its best to just not look back. Sugar is fleeting… out of my own curiosity… how long have you been with her?
wow I didnt even read those posts- im studying swallowing. anyone care to know exactly what happens when u eat? my SD just groans at me when i start naming muscles- makes for such romantic conversation. I wish physiology was sexy.
Michael- surely thats just playing a dangerous game- what would happen if she found out? :). Id just leave it.
Sasha- 1k a month for 3-4 times a week!! Id go – NO DEAL. 2k at least a month and ocne a week :D. You could earn more urself!
anyone abck to neurologic controls of swallowing (god save me)
NYC SB – 3 months.
Aspiring-Doc – you say you are studying swallowing? There probably was a better way of phrasing that in your post ….
Sasha~ Noledgeseeker is right. He might not know that this is a ridiculous amount offer. My first SD offered me $800 cash allowance per meeting ( meeting 4x a week) excluding gifts and travel reimbursements (He lives in a different city). I was offended at first and told him that I was not interested in a pay-per-play senario until he explained to me that I was his first SB and he had no clue how the cash allowance was supposed to be given out. Sit him down and gently tell him that the allowance amount that he offered is definitely not what you are seeking, especially not if he desires to see you so often…..Also, is he a travel/gift daddy? Some SDs do not offer much for cash allowances but do spoil their SBs with loads of gifts and travel opportunities Maybe he is one of them..
Good morning everyone
Just got back from the gym, about to go take a shower, pass out for a bit and go to work…
Hope everyone has a great day!
OOps I meant meeting 4x a month lol
Yaz – I will stick my neck thru the cheap sounding noose. I think 3200 per month for 4 times is a good deal for you. What am I missing? But understand this is the opinion of a man that would never give someone more than 2k per month.
Lol SG2, I said it wasnt the amount I was offended about but the way he wanted to give it to me. $800 every time we met. I was not comfortable with him giving me cash every time we met. Felt it was too tacky lol
@sasha I agree that is too much time, part of the excitement is the thrill in seeing that person, 3X a week, that is too much, you will be dreading it instead of looking forward to..
Funny everyone is talking about allowance, I have a question for everyone. I am from a small town, there are a few SD’s here but they think they are going all out if they give you $250…so no thanks! I have decided to travel to the good SD’s which is challanging because you need to work out the potential arrangement before meeting to make sure you are on the same page.. I have been talking to a pot SD for a few weeks now, He wants to meet in Chicago. My question is what is a reasonable allowance for 2 days together and 1 night? obviously he pays for the hotel, food etc and my flight (which is around $400). I have had past SD’s that have given me between $2800-$3800 on top of the travel expenses. I really like this guy but he is not wanting to talk about the allowance amount. So is is $2800-$3800 too much? is that unreasonable? I just dont want to blow it with this guy
@ michael…I am new to this blog….but you sound like an absolute sweetheart! let her go and cause her own problems, they will catch up with her
Good morning everyone
@Sasha: I agree with everyone else. The amount he is offering is ridiculous for how much of your time he wants. On a different note, I hope you have a much better day!
@Michael: I’m glad you decided to just let it go. You’re better than that, and she’s a fool to have treated you that way. You seem like such a good man. You comment to aspiringdoc made me lol!
Yaz – okay, i just read what I wanted to read lol. That is sort of tacky, but what if it was the only way he could give it to you? Maybe he didn’t want Paypal records, or any other record of electronic transfer?
@SouthernGent2 – My SD just puts cash into my bank account since you can always deposit w/o signing or showing ID that’s another anonymous way to do it. I actually prefer cash in hand since there’s no trail, but I think he sees it as tacky like Yaz said.
@Sasha – I’m with bincentennial on that one. 3x/week seems like a full on relationship. I only saw my last bf 1-2 times a week, lol.
He wants me to be off the site for less than $1000 a month and we have to spend time more than 3 times a week.
Meeting that often would put you in the “girlfriend” category which is inconsistent with NSA, and wanting you off the site seemed possessive. Before you worry about how much, ask yourself if this is the type of person you want as a SD. Did you ask him why he wants to be a SD and if he had any previous experience?
Your story is sounding eerily similar to an experience I had years ago which I’ll write about in my blog. If you’ve been together only 3 months and she’s been lying for 6-8 weeks, then the whole relationship sounds like a lie which is what mine turned out to be. In my case I was “the other guy” and I found out who her “primary SD” was. I decided to compare notes with him and we both found out more than what we wanted to know. How deep do you want to go into the rabbit hole?
Let it go would be a wise course of action but it may not be the easiest. I did what I did then, but I don’t think I’d do it again.
I’d suggest that you post in the current blog topic to get more response.
when two people spend a long time together there will be a bond formed and deeper emotional involvement.
That is certainly true and it’s not easy to keep the boundaries in a NSA arrangement over time. It takes experience and maturity to make it work and it’s not for everyone.
Your ability to pinpoint posts and provide links to posts on the blog made me curious
You didn’t know I have a photographic memory and supernatural powers?
im studying swallowing
When you’re done studying I’ll be happy to give you a quiz!
[I'm only joking, of course!]
@travelingsb – I’m impressed! Is this the 1st meeting? I would never think to ask for additional allowance above traveling expenses if it’s the 1st time. I’m curious, too, to see what others’ experiences have been with this.
@Sherri- that is only if it becomes intimate. I have met a two pot SD’s and I did not feel the connection so I was honest after dinner and caught the next flight out. There was not an allowance just traveling expenses. The two that I did have a relationship, the chemistry was immediate, we both traveled to meet and the allowance was discussed before meeting so we decided to begin the arrangement that evening:)
Cleo~ love ya girl!!!!
NYC SB~ my Idol!!!
Storm~ have an awesome weekend
Sorry I am having an AWESOME day, just wanted to say hi to everyone and all the best to you all!!!
Michael – I had someone lie to me a few months back. I just found out and figured it out in the last week or so. I’m going into the rabbit hole to teach her a little lesson (nothing like stranding someone on a plane though lol).
@travelingsb – Makes sense. I hope the chemistry is immediate this time. Sounds awesome if it is.
to the SDs – how are you guys finding out who your SB is seeing?
Also, is everyone discussing exclusivity upfront? I just assumed that it’s not exclusive unless otherwise stated. I’m not sure why it even matters unless feelings develop like in Michael’s case.
Hello I have been lurking for a few weeks now. I have a question. I jumped head first into this site. The day I signed up I started sending emails. I received a few message back within a week. But the one I’m suppose to meet with just said lets meet. I told him I’d rather talk first. We talked once for 5 minutes, he told me what he’s looking for and set up a meet tomorrow. This is both of ours first time. He’s not looking for a pay per play so thats good. Actually I think we’re looking for the same things. But my city has this thing for prostitution stings. On top of that I’m studing for my massage license. I know what I’m doing isn’t prostitution but we’re talking about the same pd that bust their first group of prostitutes by sleeping with them. On top of that I caught him in a tiny white lie and he’s always nervous but I dont know if there’s a red flag or I’m just scared.
Michael AZ, you’re treating her like a dog! (expecting loyalty) XD
Sorry, cheesy joke
I’m hoping your not in the Washington DC area, I’ve heard same type of things here and have some very similar concerns.
Have any of you ladies run into this as a problem? one, it’s not true there’s anything illegal or wrong but two, why would they waste time on something like a website when there’s tons of needle-tracked hookers on a block just a few miles away? I don’t get it.
anything we should be careful to say or NOT say?
Spice, why would you go to a meeting with someone that doesn’t even interest you enough over the email?
If you are worried about it being interpreted as prostitution and don’t feel like you can honestly say you went to the meeting with the man because he thoroughly intrigued you and you thought there is a good chance of mutual attraction, then don’t go.
It’s hard not to meet someone at first even if you are not sure about it because this is all so new that well youre not sure abut any of it… I have found that guys who just send emails/messages with very few sentences like 1-3 are the ones who are just interested in sex and not being sds. they need to go find themselves an escort even if they claim that is not what they are interested in. You will find that as you meet more people, there is a process where both parties tentively step forward getting to know each other as they go making sure each side is what the other side wants. If he isn’t trying to make sure you are what he wants and is just “ready to go” or read to me without getting to know you, that is a bad sign.
If you meet this guy. Meet him for practice. If you think he’s pd don’t say anything incriminating if you go at all. Say you don’t want to talk abut the arrangement first date because you want to make sure the chemistry is there before you two more any further. Then have a friend call you about 45min after you are supposed to me him so you can say, oh my friend is sick i have to go, or whatever if you are wanting to leave.
Meet him in a public place. Not in a hotel, not even in the hotel bar or resturant. Stick to your guns. There will be others. If all else fails, you just got your period and now you have to run home.
Did you read my past experience on the last blog? be careful Hun. And good luck but as you can see none of us are thinking this guy is the one for you, be smart and take care of yourself.
that sounds hot
@bi baby Ummm…thank you. My point exactly. If I wanted a normal relationship then I would have one, but thats not what I’m after right now in my life. I felt smothered when we were talking about it at the table…lol!
@Yaz he isn’t a gift/travel daddy either. He has done this before, but it kind of sounded like a real relationship thing. He told me that he has several accounts on these type of sites and has busted out several women. Crazy huh? He’s experienced.
@divia12 Thanks. Its been a pretty good day so far. I haven’t been concentrating on the site so much. Trying to really get my body and mind in good shape for a concert that I’m performing at and a upcoming photo shoot. I definitely need better pics for the site.
@travelingsb Go fo what you feel is right and reasonable for this guy. I guess the worst he can do is say no.
@michael The evil part of me says make her pay, but the logical half says walk away. There are so many moments in life when you can really destroy someone, but it takes a different kind of person to look at an opportunity like that and say “they will dig their own grave.” She’s digging it right now and will realize it later.
@spice The best thing to do is always trust your instinct. Its said often, but overlooked in many situations. Every pot sd that I jumped on a plane to see, I already had a good feeling about. The one that I didn’t….well he turned out to be an a** and the trip was horribly. I contemplated getting a hotel to get away from him. So use your best judgement.
Hi stormcat, cleo, bg, sherri, aspiring-doc and all new bloggers. Have a wonderful day!
@Noledgeseeker What’s been going on with you?
I’m just so happy I can post on the blog and see it pop up immediately again. YEAH!
Busting sb’s – not going to go into the story, but changing profiles every so often is a smart thing to do.
@noledgeseeker-you sound like tons of fun and have great advice! Do you have a current SD? just curious
@spice- be careful there are tons of guys on here-who claim they dont want to pay to play..I think they dont want to admit they want to get laid but down want to lower themselves to paying for it! They really just want “free” sex and have no interest in being a true SD. If you are local then definately do not have sex with him the first meet. If he is sincere he will want to get to know you first, if not he is a time waster! Definately get the arrangement first before progressing or it will never be there!
@sasha-the new guy just called, finally said an amount…way below what I really need…I think he has the money but is uncomfortable with the idea…He is a doll, we have a great connection, ugh dont know if I should meet? I would never have two SD’s but with his amount I would have to…
@bicentennialbaby- is this illegal? I would think if you are talking about an on going relationship-not just an hour in a hotel room..its not the same. Both people should be benefiting from it, I have never thought of it as a money for sex thing…but then again maybe Im clueless?
Michael – it all makes sense now (not that it makes it any better)… you were struck by the 3 month curse…
Sasha – you will see him 3 times a week… which is about 12 times a month … say he gives you $1000, that’s less than 100 per meeting… my saying is “if I can make more money bartending the arrangement is not worth it” he is a cheapo … NEXT
Travelingsb – reasonable amount for 2 days and one night… here is my answer… none… when you are doing a first meeting he should cover flight, hotel and give you some money for incidentals such as cabs to the airport, food etc. however, anything above and beyond that should be extra. If you ask him for an x amount on top of that then he might (maybe he wouldn’t but most likely he would) feel “entitled” so sexy time. What if you don’t like him? Now you are in a position where you might be pressured into something you don’t want. I think you should let him know that the first time you meet him there should be no expectations beyond just meeting and seeing if you like each other.
SD Guru – photographic memory? Darn … I am only semi photographic… p.s. still waiting on my ipad :p
Hi BG – love you girl
Michael AZ, I know this is not what you want to hear, and probably won’t be a popular opinion on the blog, BUT
What do you think you are going to achieve by opening the other SD’s eyes?
First of all you are assuming that he 1)doesn’t know and 2)cares as much as you do.
If either of those is not a correct , you will a) make a total joke out of yourself in front of the other man, b) make your ex-SB that much more attractive to him.
Even if both of your assumptions are correct, your ex-SB is obviously a popular girl with lots of options, she’ll recover from loss of both of you, no matter how hard it is for you to accept that… And at the end of the day you will remain a sore loser.
Just cherish the butterflies she gave you and move on.
The way you are right now, even if you met a woman that blows your ex-SB out of the water, you wouldn’t be able to keep her because you are too angry and a big part of you still dwells in the past.
Hey Sasha : ) Glad your technical issues are over. : )
@travelingsb I am tons of fun! ; ) hehe
I am currently juggling a few pots and have one SD who has no time for me : (
I haven’t seen him in a month or so and though the sugar is good when I see him, when I don’t I go through sugar withdrawals and I get so lonely! So I found myself browsing on the site and have a few pots who may or may not work out.
One has a lot going on at the moment and while we get along great, I’m still lonely because I haven’t yet met him and have yet to get any sugar. Kindle in shipping supposedly. Things look promising but they are taking a while. Patience is not my strong point. : )
Another is a low sugar pay by play and I’m not happiest about it but hell whatev. It will most likely be regular and he is very different culturally from me so I am interested in just learning a lot from him. Seeing him in 2 hrs to discuss things further.
There are a few messages in my outbox on this site that may or may not turn into anything.
Thats where I stand.
Oh and it’s not illegal. They give us gifts because they want to. We sleep with them because we want to and we don’t when we don’t want to. There are choices on both sides, no one gets a receipt. My husband and I work the same way, he pays for me to eat, my bills etc… and I sleep with him…illegal? no.
oh and there is this guy on this site that is so adorable. He is 32 and so cute. I totally have a crush on him just from his profile photo. Forget SD, I’d just date him if he’d let me ; p
@noledgseeker- you are married? I am also. Is your husband aware of your SD’s? sorry if Im getting personal, I find all this so fascinating, and I love to learn from others. I have been on this site before when I met the other SD but I never even noticed this blog button:)
My sugar life is something I have never shared with anyone, so its nice to have someone to talk to about this
Michael dude just walk away it’s not worth it. Payback will come back to haunt you.
@Blackjack where r u?
I hear you on having a place where sugars are accepted, it’s priceless.
I am married. We have an open marriage. He knows all about my sugar life and my sugars know all about him. No worries about getting personal. I’m happy to swap stories and advice. : )
Going to go get ready for my “meeting” see you all in a bit.
Yes where has the romance gone to? I would luv to be romanced.
I want to be pampered and I want to pamper someone, just be affectionate and cuddle.
RD38, Dandelion Wine and others – I won’t contact either of them. She is digging herself in a big hole personally and professionally, and so is the guy. I’m just going to let them be, I want no more of it.
aspiring-doc: actually, that kind of stuff fascinates me… professional hazard
Noledgeseeker/Spice: i meet people with very little pre conversation, i find it tiring to spend lots of time in email because i already have too many emails to send. so i meet in public places and i’m careful with information …
i have met people after long long conversations and after three emails, it’s still all about the meeting… that said, Noledgeseeker is dead on in her security cautions…
oh shoot, posting without refreshing again…
oh my nearly forgot!
to Midwest and Beach and Noledgeseeker: thank you
nyc sb: still waiting to be called?
Stormcat: I suddenly find myself grateful for my own silly actions. I never should have brought my beef to the blog and yet had I not I would not have had the pleasure of reading your paragraph written on my behalf and then i wouldn’t be so darn touched right now.
so thank you. thanks a really lot.
alleycat my theory on revenge is that i don’t need to do it. my job is to forget and forgive and move on with my life in the happiest/best/most enlightened way possible.
she will reap what she sows… and the best thing you can do is not care in the slightest when you hear her harvest finally came in…
Hello all — good to see some familiar faces from the past.
Traveling SB — all of my SBs have been out of town and the relationships involved travel. The amount per day was typically about $500 to $1000, depending upon the length of visit and entertainment/travel provided. I took my first SB to Europe with me once for a week, and she didn’t get any cash but it cost me about $3500. In the end, it all depends on what you think is fair for your time for the given circumstance.
cleo – i am done with jury duty… currently trading session with NYSE …. gotta love technology
Did she cost you $3500 in a week’s worth of shopping or her favorite super expensive bottles of wine? Or did traveling in Europe for a week cost you 3500?
Hey all – I think re: travel if you are going for a first meet then the flight, hotel and travel costs should be covered but an additional allowance is not necessary.
After you enter an arrangement I think you should be compensated in a way that you are comfortable with I.e. Shopping, gifts, spas, allowance or maybe just the travel experience. For me it depends on where we are going, what we are doing and the length of the trip. If I am taking time off of work then I would expect more bs a weekend away.
Bs should be vs damn itouch.
JSB – couldnt agree with u more
lily – i think NC meant the plane ticket, hotel, entertainment but i could be wrong
Cleo/Midwest: A little birdie (ex-blogger) told me my name had been called out — I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. Yes, I am on break from the sugar world, keeping one eye out from time to time without actively “seeking arrangement.” Decided I’d been “played” (a la Michael AZ) one too many times. Plus figured if I were ever to dip back in again I needed to get in better shape, physically and attitudinally. The physical has been going well (lost nearly 20 lbs., another 10 or so to go), and working on the ‘tude. Best to you both and other old friends and blog and bro-mances. . .
NYGent! Soooo nice to hear from you… wow 20 lbs! thats incredible… we need to see the “new” you
NYGent: so awesome! funny but the blog inspired me to do the same, bth physical and mental… chucked 30 pounds and feel like i have a new lease on life!
maybe you can send me a pic when you’re ‘done’ ?
yay for visiting, thanks hon!
re travelling for SD’s
don’t need an allowance, do need lost wages…
Wow. I have excellent timing! Two of my favorite bloggers in a row!
NYGent- Glad to hear you’re doing well. I was sort of wondering what had happened to you but it’s nice to know you’re doing well. You’re right. You definitely need to be in the right mindset and feel good about yourself physically to find the right arrangement and enjoy it. Hopefully life outside the sugarbowl (dating-wise) has been treating you well.
NYC SB- Kisses! That’s all.
Everyone else- Hello! I’ve missed you terribly but work etc has kept me from being able to keep up with the blog.
NYGent – wow congrats, must feel great!
It is a shame to hear about SDs experiences about being “played” by So called SBs just like it is frustrating to encounter PJs or fake daddies. I guess both sides face challenges in the sugar bowl. We should give them a course when they sign up because obviously some are taking advantage of sincere and genuine people. I wish more people read the blog for that reason.
Thanks to those who share their experiences both good and bad so we can learn from the bad and look forward to the good.
Michael, good for you. She may have a million legitimate reasons for not treating you how you want to be treated, and digging for the reasons will only make you more unhappy. No one is an angel, no one is a devil – chances are you will discover that you don’t really have a right to feel such indignation. None of us can truly judge if another person is good or evil, only if he/she pleases or displeases us. Would her being a paragon of virtue have made a difference if you didn’t find her attractive (mind you, attractive, not beautiful)?
She displeased you and you no longer want to be with her. That’s all there’s to it.
NYSB/JSB/Cleo: thanks. Muse: ditto and glad to hear you’re well (and busy). And hello again, NC Gent, my old bro-mance!
@Michael good job, hard to do the right thing sometimes, especially when we aren’t being treated in the same manner.
@Cleo thanks for the insight into potential SDs who aren’t very communicative initially.
“Meeting” with pot went decently. I forgot how much he makes me laugh and how much I enjoy his company. We aren’t getting started on the arrangement until after school starts but are having a few more dates until then to keep getting to know one another. And we are going to get tested together, probably next week.
This baby could really use some sugar and affection right now. Ugh, so lonely! Guess thats why I could win the “Wasted the most time on the SA blog” today and yesterday. ; p
Anyone seen Gentleman? Hope he’s off getting lots of sugar from some SD who can step up to his game. : )
I added two topics to the “Pages” section which can be found on the lower right hand column below the Archives on the blog’s home page. The first one is “Blog Etiquette“, and the second one is “Travel Guidelines for SB’s“. Now we have something to point to whenever these topics come up.
to the SDs – how are you guys finding out who your SB is seeing?
You want us to give away all of our secrets?? Some SD’s aren’t as clueless as SB’s think.
is everyone discussing exclusivity upfront? I just assumed that it’s not exclusive unless otherwise stated.
Personally I think having exclusivity in a NSA arrangement is a fallacy. In most sugar relationships SD/SB’s have plenty of time on their own to do whatever they want unless both are local and can get together frequently. Some people may agree to exclusivity with good intentions, but in most cases they’re just setting themselves up for disappointment.
Having semi-photographic memory is pretty good too! The iPad is in the mail… Oh wait, you still haven’t told me where to sent it to!
It is a shame to hear about SDs experiences about being “played” by so called SBs just like it is frustrating to encounter PJs or fake daddies. I guess both sides face challenges in the sugar bowl… obviously some are taking advantage of sincere and genuine people.
On one end of the spectrum you have annoyances such as poof SD/SB’s and the fakes and flakes. Then there are times when things just don’t work out due to circumstances beyond one’s control, or when someone acts irresponsibly due to their lack of experience and maturity. But when people start to deceive and lie on purpose and act with malicious intent, that’s where I draw the line. As the saying goes, don’t bite the hand that feeds you!
NYGent and SG2 – Nice to see you back!
TravelingSB – My travel arrangement was similar to NC Gents…he was generous with gifts and extras as well.
Spice – I agree with DW – Why would you go meet him if ANY concerns are coming up. As for the prostitution sting…there are prostitutes on SA, so do dismiss it completely. Being a sugar baby is legal, but prostitution is not. Don’t fall into the pay for play conversation as it could be mistaken.
In my arrangements, exclusivity was discussed up front. One expected it, the other said he was exclusive because he wanted to be and not because he had to be. Honestly, both work for me with one suggestion. Having an exclusive arrangement means that when you know things aren’t going well or if he has to end the arrangement suddenly means you have to start fresh. Either have an “exit clause” or honor the deal and start fresh without regrets. Dishonoring the arrangement is risky and not worth it. I’ve learned from the best that if the arrangement is going to end, give him the best evening EVER, then part ways. He will always have fond memories and will become a great friend. Trust me, it’s worked beautifully and I have no regrets.
Great advice Midwest SB
I neeed sugar! Or just another person of the opposite sex to talk to that’s totally hot!
ok gnight sugars
Re Busting SBs – I am with Stormy …. you want us to give away all of our secrets?? Some SD’s aren’t as clueless as SB’s think. Plus some SBs just get sloppy and arrogant and leave a trail a mile wide. It is surprisingly simple to figure it all out.
Is everyone discussing exclusivity upfront? I just assumed that it’s not exclusive unless otherwise stated.
In my case, my SB raised the subject (unprompted) and said that she would not be looking for anybody else, and she didn’t ask for anything in return. I said I would do the same, came to an understanding. That was the first time the little alarm bell in my head starting ringing.
Then she said that she was “developing feelings for me” and “this is different” (huh?) and the bell started ringing a bit louder. I started listening very closely to what she was saying, body language etc. Was pretty easy to figure out what was going on, even to detail.
Sasha – reply has been sent to you!
Alleycat ~ I believe it was SDG that made that statement. I’m more the believe-everything-I’m-told-you-can-read-it-on-my-face-don’t-notice the locomotive-until-it-runs-me-over type.
@Traveling SB & Noledgeseeker,
Ladies you two need to email me! I didn’t realize I’m not all alone in this group (married SB’s) and I have a lot to learn. I am soaking up like a sponge. bicentennialsugarbaby at yahoo dot com. I bet I would have a lot in common with you two indeed!
My situation is not “open”, per se, but the other half is in full knowledge and pleased that I’m improving myself. It reflects well on him and he’s very proud to have a beautiful woman with him that is constantly trying to look & be better. I’m trying to make sure he benefits too by all of this and actually, the communication between us has increased exponentially since discussing all this over the past few weeks, and in a very good way. Hard to believe I guess, but he told me he was much happier with me being who I need to be and not lying about it rather than moping around about my lot in life trying to be someone I’m not and not changing that.
Got gel nails today, and some Steve Madden sunglasses….its not high ticket but for ME, it’s moving up. DH is noticing that I’m not going to run errands in smucky sweatpants and t-shirts anymore. while I’m not setting my hair daily or anything, I now don’t leave the house without at least a touch of powder, nice mascara, great smelling perfume, clean dark denim jeans, a dressy top and a cute pair of sandals or heels. Ugh. I used to make fun of women who felt that they had to dress like that…I consider myself attractive without makeup (and I don’t add a lot when I do wear it), BUT it seemed like EVERY time I went out the house schluppy, I’d run into SOMEONE I knew and needed to look good that day!
I actually got a job interview from a person I ran into while buying sunglasses at Nordies’, so keeping fingers crossed. If nothing else, got a great contact for other opportunities and of all things, it was a woman! So I guess it goes to show you that you should always be “on” because you just never know what just might come your way….
did you get my email?
stormcat: toi aussi? pauvre… i trust until given reason not to. most of the time it works out well
bicentennial baby: so fuuny, me too. i never leave the house without looking at least gently put together anymore. if i don’t have mascara on i have sunglasses and even my flip flops are cute!
Hey BCB – yep, got it. I’ll get back to you tonight or in the morning. Kidsitting tonight – two 11 y.o. girls….
@Cleo and Bi. Baby
So funny I’m the same way about going out now.
Hey everyone. Just checking in for the night. I received some excellent advice from some of the sd’s on the blog. Thank you guys so much again. You know who you are.
I now know what I need to do to pull this all together. I think that my heart has always been in the right place and my profile message will peek the interest of the right sd. I just need to initially pull them in with the right photos and profile info. I’m thinking of deleting everything and completely starting over. Maybe keep the same words, but new pics and profile description with a 1 month prem. membership to test the waters for real again. I’m so excited because now I believe that I have all the tools to be successful this second time around. I will keep checking in on the blog, but I’m definitely focusing in on getting a good bmi, duds for the new body, and bright attitude to go with it.
Everyone has been so wonderful on this blog and I wish I could thank everyone personally. i don’t think that anyone realizes how much you guys have lifted my spirits in many ways…when I needed it the most. Big hugs to everyone……
Sasha ~ Yay!!!!
Cleo ~ It does seem to work that way most of the time, and I guess that the occational devistating dissappointment is the price payed for not having to worry all the other times.
Cleo and company – I would NEVER be caught in public in my PJs or sweats! Those are meant for home. It only takes a few minutes to put on a decent pair of shorts/ jeans and a nice top. My career has always put me in front of business leaders and high profile people…the last thing I would ever want to do is look disheveled and run into them.
It’s so easy to look good and you feel good in the process…Bi Baby proved that today. Always be prepared for that unexpected opportunity!
Fierce Sasha – work it! BTW – That is your new blog name
new blog topic – see you on the other side!
Hello alllllllll well i have been busy parties parties….. well my nephew’s 11th party lol anyhoooo I am glad that I can bring a smile to the faces that read my thoughts and questions……
Alleycat.l… Hello handsome, I took your advice and p0ut up some new pictures let me know what you think. Thanks
Sasha…… Anytim sweetie, I always try to be a happy go lucky little lady glad I culd help
And if I forgot you I think I did….. Feel free to jump up and dance with me….
No luck for me for any Sugar yet but I ve been busy with Finals and Bartending… so it goes I will keep pushin along maybe Ill meet him at one of the bars or events I work who knows
Kiss Kiss Sugarersss and Sugareess
Been reading the blog for a while. Never really had anything to contribute before as I have been looking for a sugar daddy for some time now.
I am communicating with a pot SD.New pot SD is married and wants an ongoing relationship on the side. I told him that I want an allowance of 3K a month for 4 visits. He offered $500 for the first visit to see if there is chemistry. I assume he means pay for play but is hinting that he really wants a typical ongoing sugar relationship and not pay for play. he said 500 and then we can negotiate after that.
Since I am new at this I have no idea how this works. Do I tell him to be prepared to give me the allowance when we meet for a drink and before we get intimate if there is chemistry? And if we decide to have an arrangement do most of you get the allowance up front? In what form? I am somewhat worried too about the legality of this.
Thanks everyone in advance.
And if I may chime in- Michael- it’s normal to want to hurt people who have hurt us, but then we would be sinking to their level. I agree, let it go. If someone had come to you 3 months ago to warn you about this SB would you have believed them or thought they were just a jealous SD. It’s one thing if this SD is a friend of yours but if not it’s not your job to warn him. Your SB was doing what she felt was necessary for her. She is probably just guilty of being a bit self absorbed and full of herself but unless you had some kind of agreement in writing she can do what she wants. I am sure she is not the first Sb to have multiple SDs and lie to them all. beautiful women do this because they can
I’ve been signed up to this site for awhile, and only gone on one awkward dinner date that led to nothing… I am just so fearful that its not safe to meet people on here.. I get plenty of offers and I know some people are being discreet and don’t want to show their picture, but I always worry that even if you see a picture 1st… they just don’t look/seem the same in person.. I’m very picky which is why I’m single now. I’m picky about chemistry.. And how do you tell a guy… Hi, I’m single, I need to get laid too and like a cuddle once in a while but I want it to be rewarded, pay some bills damn it, because I’m sick of giving my time, my body and my talent away for free to some guy who doesn’t show any gratitude. Some days I feel like this isn’t something I can do, and others I feel, damn, I wish I could have something casual yet beneficial, but how do we do this without being superficial?
Some times I’ve been interested in someone and communicated at length, but I travel a lot and am very busy working so sometimes I must appear flakey… but most of the time its cold feet. How do I feel the fear and do it anyway?
Sorry if this isn’t the appropriate topic.. I’m just new and either need to shit or get off the pot… why be on here if I’m not going to take advantage of it…. any suggestions or advice ladies and gentlemen?
And right now I’m going to take a look at some more recent photos and update my profile lol.
ah, I just read a few more posts that have some good advice, maybe I’ll meet with someone local as practice… no expectations.. in a public place, no hotels… I guess I’m not going to find out if I have chemistry with someone by sitting behind a computer. I just have specific tastes in how a man looks and I can’t find many men that accommodate my preferences. Hmmm
Sassy girl maybe you shopuld step outside the box and just see what comes up? Look for other qualities that is just as sexy. Maybe that will broaden your net a little catch more butterflies that way.
Bettyblue – my suggestion for PotSD is to turn down the $500 pay for play offer and instead suggest you meet for dinner in a public place. If you have chemistry, you plan another date and set the expectation that the arrangement needs to be agreed upon first. If he balks, he was wasting your time. If he’s new, refer him to the blog! I think you are setting yourself up to be used and accepting a small gift for one night of intimacy to test for chemistry is unacceptable in my book. Chemistry is obvious without the intimacy.
Sassy Girl – It sounds like you are taking a long, hard look at what you are willing to settle for here. I can share that the best looking SDs can be the worst in other areas such as respect, intimacy and integrity. The average looking SDs can be great lovers, mentors and have characteristics you find adorable. If you decide to stay, convince yourself to disregard looks and go out with a gentleman if you connect via phone and e-mail; if he makes you laugh; if he shows respect and if he understands the nature of arrangements. I’ve stopped asking for pictures and have always been pleasantly surprised. Look below the surface. If it doesn’t work, then at least you can say you tried.
Best of luck!
Hey i was just wondering if anyone wants to take me to the party tonight? send me an email and let me know! Thanks sugars!
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