4 years ago Views 9802
The 5 Stages of Sugar
  • Posted Jun 10, 2010
  • Written by Brandon Wade

“The 5 Stages of Sugar”

In the previous blog, we’ve seen several SB’s described their bad experiences and a few mentioned good ones. I think it might be useful to look at the different stages in the sugar world and some common questions for each stage to put those experiences in perspective. In order to not turn this into a novel, I’ll try to be brief and just mention the challenges involved. But obviously there is a lot more to discuss which I’ll mention at the end.

1. The Contact

This is the first stage in sugar world when pot SB’s and SD’s correspond with each other before meeting in person. Keep in mind anyone can put up a profile and call himself a SD or herself a SB, but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Most dialogs don’t get past this stage due to people being disrespectful and ignorant as we’ve seen from Jen, BronzedSugar, and Artist’s stories. This is where the flakes, weirdos, time wasters should be identified and discarded.

Frequently asked questions:

- Should I contact pot SD’s or wait to be contacted?
- How do I weed out the flakes from the real ones?

2. The Meet

The purpose of the first meeting is to find out whether there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations on both sides. Sometimes it may take more than one meeting to find out. If the meeting is local then it should be easy to meet for drinks or dinner without any pressure or expectations on either side. But if travel is involved then it’s best to make sure expectations for the meeting are clearly communicated and understood by both. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out fine before you meet and then to find out that’s not the case, or the person may have misrepresented themselves in some way. Unfortunately, this is where you can end up with clingers and stalkers described by Carolina SB and others.

Frequently asked questions:

- Should I travel to meet a pot SD?
- How much personal info should I give out or ask for before the meet?

3. The Discussion

After you have a good meet and decided there is mutual interest to pursue further, then it’s time for an open and honest discussion about the arrangement. Keep in mind the discussion could happen before the meet or during the meet as well. It’s important to clearly communicate expectations on both sides. Such as, amount of allowance, gifts/travel, frequency and duration of meetings, how you will spend your time together, etc. SD’s should realize that each SB’s situation is different and what works for one SB may not work for another. Therefore, it’s important for a SD to spoil/support his SB in a way that makes a difference to her. The positive experiences described by Sugarbaby F and JessRabbitSB were at this stage.

Frequently asked questions:

- How do I ask for what I really want?
- How do I get an allowance from a gift/travel SD?

4. The Arrangement

After you have mutually agreed on an arrangement, I will now pronounce you SD and SB!! :) Some people thought they have found their SD/SB before getting to this stage, but that can be premature. For an arrangement to work, both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their roles and start doing what they said they will do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly as the reality of an arrangement sets in.

Frequently asked questions:

- Should I have sex before getting the sugar?
- What should I do if my SD is not providing what he promised?

5. The Bliss?

When an arrangement is in place for some time and it’s working well, it’s possible that unforeseen circumstances may cause either party to make temporary adjustments or to evaluate whether the arrangement should be modified. In some cases both parties may mutually agree to end the arrangement if there are irreconcilable differences. All good things must come to an end and in a NSA relationship that is to be expected. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the sugar!!

Frequently asked questions:

- What if my SD wants more than NSA?
- What if my SD can no longer provide what he agreed to?

Now that I have described the 5 Stages of Sugar, I’m sure more questions will come to mind. Such as, how do I progress from one stage to the next? And, how long should each stage take? This post is already too long so I’ll stop here. I hope this helps all the newbies out there. Feel free to agree or disagree with what I wrote and let’s have a constructive discussion in the blog!

- SD Guru


  • Category:
  • Tags:

13 Responses to “The 5 Stages of Sugar”

  1. Slimpickins says:

    I agree that “arrangements” are not for the faint at heart. I can appreciate the website and I am seriously thinking about joining!. My thought is that so long as you are mature and know what you are getting into, an arragement may be just the jump start you need to make life a bit sweeter. Just remember, life is about choices, you either choose to join and arrange what works for you or you don’t. Leave your criticism and judgmental views for your personal journals….

  2. T says:

    this is a thread def worth saving, but does not really help us somewhat frazzled & nervous ‘newbie sb’ who have no idea where to begin, how/when to define the relationship, ‘when’ to accept financial payments or gifts, & most importantly, when is it time to become ‘sexual’ – before or after payment in the form of money, gifts, etc.
    as well your questions listed after each of your points dont give answers. and this is important !

  3. grace says:

    Help!!!!!!!I am meeting a SD for the first time and do have soooooo many questions. The person who posted ” this is a thread def worth saving, but does not really help us somewhat frazzled & nervous ‘newbie sb’ who have no idea where to begin, how/when to define the relationship, ‘when’ to accept financial payments or gifts, & most importantly, when is it time to become ‘sexual’ – before or after payment in the form of money, gifts, etc.” is absolutely correct. I am not sure how to negotiate with my pot SD. Can an experience SB please answer so that I can get an idea as to how watch out for my best interest without offending the SD? This would be most appreciated. Hurry!!!! Please

  4. Honey says:

    It sound be natural and he would make you feel comfortable. Is he rude or crude. It should be like a Really good date.No pressure..

  5. T says:

    grace .. I hope it goes well for you. Be SAFE ! let us sb’s know how it went :)

  6. I think the key to being successful is to find a niche or specialty and excel in it. Personally, I look for women who are creative, non-conforming, and fun to be with. Others will disagree with me, but I love a sassy gal who is smart, opinionated, and has a unique and strong style that fits her personality. Lots of tattoos and “trashy” attire can work on someone with a great writing style and introspective nature.
    Just remember, a lot of us younger Sugar Daddies lived through the 80s in our youth, and some of us are quite successful. We may be very attracted to women who remind us of this amazing period in our past. And we may be able to entertain you with our own personal and cultural histories.
    So please don’t be dissuaded if you don’t conform to the set “blonde tanned white high class” stereotype that seems to get the most traction in this scene. Be yourself and that way, when you find someone, you can blossom into who you really want to be.

  7. Rose says:

    I do agree with this post and am so happy that there is a blog on this site. I initially joined ages ago, but had some pretty negative initial experiences where I did feel pressurised into sex etc. But that was probably because I did not define adequately what I wanted. Having taken a step back I realise that the SD/SB relationship is no different from a conventional one in that you have to state where you are coming from. Don’t feel you have to compromise yourself or ‘act’ like whatever stereotype of SB you have in your mind.

    Or like my nan used to say, “There is a lid for every pot” (no matter how misshapen that pot is…)

  8. MissLunah says:

    PunkRockSugarDaddy and other SDs.. I was wondering about tattoos and I am glad you brought it up… I am studying Psychology so I know that I have to be presentable so I have no tattoos in visible places such as arms, neck and only a few on my legs that are easily covered up.. the problem is once I take my clothes off… I have quite large tattoos on the sides of my breasts and lower belly… I believe they make my body look better because of the placement, but not everyone likes tattoos. My question is, is it something I should include in my profile or just say later? Also, is it a big problem for many old school SDs?

  9. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    MissLunah – It’s better to let them know up front simply because there are men who do not like tattoos. Putting in your profile is a good idea…perhaps even playing off that part of your personality and separating yourself from the rest. I have a very small one on my hip and I always disclose this. There are men who will love the ink and you two will already have something to share. Screening includes making sure there are no dealbreakers. Happy hunting!

  10. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Sorry…not an SD, but been in that situation :-)

  11. MissLunah says:

    Midwest SB… I should have asked expierienced SB too.. thanx a lot!!! These forums are awsame and so interesting… I have fun just reading them :)

  12. Alwaysalady says:

    Hello I am new and have so many questions. I thank you all for all of your honest posts it has answered many of my questions. If you can I have just a few more that maybe some of you can give me some insight on. I just met a POT and we have been emailing for about two weeks…our first meeting will be dinner next week. We have not discussed any terms or arrangements as of yet but he has asked me questions about myself, my life etc. I do not ask him as I am not sure if that is protocol etc. My question is is it acceptable or I should say should you ask your POT if he has other SB at the same time or how he would like the arrangement to be? Yes very nervous and partially neurotic I know.

  13. Wildatheart says:

    It would be nice to know for newbies how to talk about the arrangement part. Does the SD bring it up or SB? In conventional dating this doesnt come up but how does an SB really ask for what she wants. At what stage does the sugar begin ? What if he doesnt give you what he promised

Top